If I didn't love you chapter 5

Let me know what you think…Mssupertigz

Chapter 5

Chuck trusted the Sarah he knew as his wife, but did he trust this, Sarah. He had heard stories of what she was like before she was sent to LA. He recalled flashing on her blue oval ring that showed him a ruthless hard-core agent that you didn't want to mess with. He also flashed on her when she was Elana Truffaut but as he continued to remember he saw her bag. He walked over and slowly picked it up. He opened the bag and saw the items he listed off at the motel, but something didn't feel right. Chuck emptied the bag and slid his hand in and out of the bag, he shook it and felt the outside. He ran his hand along the strap and followed it down to where it was sewn into the main bag. He dragged his fingers over the strap and felt something. He pulled back the strap and saw a small burner phone. It wasn't one the Casey had given to her. He looked at the phone and saw that the SIM card was missing. "That's how he contacted you, you had another phone?"

Chuck looked at the phone. He didn't have the right to be angry at her, it was who she was. She was doing her job, she was a spy. He slipped her things back inside and looked for the SIM card and took the phone and walked back to the couch. He grabbed his mission gear and started looking into the card. He wanted to know where the call came from. It was the least he could do. He took the back off the phone and used his SBS hooks and clamped the back of the phone. He did a diagnostic test and ran it through his lap top. He brought up her info and saw that there was only a message. 'That's why I never heard a ring?'. Chuck listened to the message and was able to get a location of where Sarah was heading. As he continued to listen he flashed on one of the voices and it brought up the Sandwall file. For years Chuck hadn't thought about that mission since Bryce died, his dad and what Shaw had done to the team and to Sarah.

Chuck's cell rang forcing him out of his flash. He answered and heard his sister's voice. "Ellie what's wrong?"

"Did Casey get the files I faxed?"

"Files?"

Chuck had no idea of what his sister was talking about. He didn't have time to talk so he made her believe that he knew all about it. "He asked for the Sandwall file. I just emailed the file and I will have the rest couriered to DC as soon as I leave the apartment. I'm heading to work now so I will drop them off at the courier place and put a rush on them. He said that he needs the originals."

"There's probably a water mark or something he needs."

"Okay, you ok?"

Chuck held his side. "Yeah, things are going well."

"And Sarah?"

"Some progress. Ellie, I got to run, there is someone at the door. Have fun at work."

"I will bye."

"Bye."

Chuck put down his phone, he hated lying to his sister and now Casey was holding out on him. He went back to the message and ran the number and got an address. He grabbed his jacket and headed out.

DCC

Casey sat down with Sarah. "You know that Chuck should be informed on this?" Sarah looked at him. "He's better where he is and I need to do this, if I ever have a chance to get my memory back."

"But Chuck can."

"No, I can't hurt him anymore."

Casey sat back in his chair. He was seeing the old Sarah coming out like Chuck had seen. It was small glimmers of hope and he couldn't be happier for her. Sarah saw Casey open his lap top as he opened the email from Ellie. He quickly got to printing them out on CIA letterhead. He had learned a few things from Chuck in how to make a document look legit. And he knew that Quinn would want to verify that they were real and not doctored. Casey grabbed the file from the printer and grabbed some old coffee and poured a few drops on the corners and dabbed them dry. Then he fanned them to make them less stiff then tossed them on the floor rolling his chair over them. He picked them up and after a while they looked worn and well looked at. Casey placed them in a file and stuck a label on the front. "Chuck?" Looking at all the work Casey did.

"Yeah, he saved our butts a few times with faking intel and making a new sheet of paper look weathered." Casey handed the file folder to Sarah. "Thanks."

Sarah got up and Casey followed. They reached the elevator. "I got one hour."

Chuck drove up to the address that he got from the cell number. It was locked up tight. Chuck pulled on the door handle to find all the doors locked. He looked up and saw a light in the far room. Chuck slipped around the back and saw two men walk out shutting off the light in the room and heading down the fire escape. Chuck hid out of view and waited till they left. Chuck winced in pain as he headed up the metal stairs of the fire escape. He checked to see if there was an alarm and didn't see one so he picked the lock and slipped inside. Grabbing his cell he turned on the flashlight. He walked the room and came to a briefcase, then bent down and slowly brought the briefcase up onto the desk. He sat down and picked the lock on the case. He opened it up and looked through the pile of papers coming to a white envelope where he took it out and opened it finding a small deck of a dozen cards that looked like large playing cards. He turned them over and flashed. The pain shot through his eyes causing him to hold his head. He saw images of mind games and scientists testing agents on the use of the cards. Chuck continued to flash, additional intel on Sandwall became clear. It was nothing like the first time he flashed on it when Bryce showed up. Then he flashed on very quick flashes of light as the cards were shown. Chuck held his head as the flash ended. He looked down at the cards. 'These are the cards he used on you Sarah?'

Chuck slipped them back into the envelope and slipped them into the back of his shirt and closed the case and put it back where he found it. He slipped out of the room and down the stairs. When he got home, he was glad that his stitches were still in tact. He grabbed the envelope out from his lower back and placed it on the table. He stared at it for an hour. Chuck was so angry that something so innocent looking like large playing cards were what stole the memories from his wife and everything she believed in.

Casey dropped Sarah off a block away from where she had to meet Quinn. Sarah could hear comps going off in the distance the closer she got. She coughed then brought her hand close to her face. 'Casey I'm not alone, going dark, they will be listening soon.'

Casey ran listening to Sarah tell him that she was going dark. Sarah approached the alley and removed the ear piece and took her watch off dropping it in a pile of garbage. She approached the door as two men greeted her and patted her down, then scanned her for any listening devices. "She's clean boss." Sarah smiled but wanted to knock the guy out. The second guy walked her into the main area where Quinn was sitting at a wooden table that had a bottle of wine and two glasses on it. Sarah was ushered to the table and with some force was made to sit down. He poured the glasses and slid one to Sarah as she placed the file on the table. Quinn eyed the file so she slid it towards him using her index finger. Quinn took a sip of wine trying not to be too eager in looking at the file. He put his glass down as Sarah grabbed her glass and nursed her wine keeping an eye on what was going on.

Casey found her ear piece and slipped it into his pocket and snuck inside. He was good at sneaking in when Sarah decided to deal with no back up so she thought. Casey headed up some steps and laid down facing the table getting his rifle ready. He waited till Sarah looked in his direction and made eye contact, just briefly. Quinn opened the file and saw the name written in bold on the front. He quickly flipped through the file then closed it up. Sarah looked at him. "Thank you for this." As he raised the file near his face. "Now what?" Sarah asking with confidence in her voice.

"I will have my team go over the file and if it is what I hope it is we can move on."

"So what would you have me do?"

Quinn looked at her. Sarah thought that it was a given she'd be included in his future decision making after she had 'eliminated' Chuck. "Don't worry, once my team gets back to me I will be in contact. I will be in contact with you soon." Quinn got up and turned. "Excellent job on the extraction of this file. I knew you were good." He gave her another phone. "I'll call you on this." Quinn left as Sarah was escorted out the door she came in. Casey slipped out and headed to the car and met her down the block.

Chuck grabbed the file and headed to the garage where he had set up his mini workroom. Plus the Wi-Fi was better for some reason in the garage. He took the cards out and started to scan them. He waited till the image came up on the screen. He voided the brightness and added contrast just in case he could find something. He stared at the scanned image and as he lightened the contrast he was beginning to see that the cards had some kind of a mapping system. He took the card out and didn't want to take any chances so he grabbed a pair of sunglasses and put them on. He had downloaded enough garbage in the last five years, he didn't need his memories to be supressed on top of it all. Chuck held the first card over his desk light and faintly he saw the mapping system. He grabbed a pair of tweezers and a sharp knife. Chuck scored the edges splitting the cardboard in two. He scored the card all away around, then he carefully pried the card open enough to see inside. He brought it up to the light and saw that there was a mapping system of wires and a running circuit. The wires were as thin as a fishing wire. He shone a light inside and located what he figured was the mother board. He placed the card down and grabbed a spectrometer and hooked up some wires which he ran it through his laptop. Chuck then grabbed a snake like camera and slid the camera in and around the card. He wanted to tear the card completely off to expose the insides but he found them attached at each end making the system useless. Chuck looked at the system and while the spectrometer was running. He hooked up a data device to read the circuit. He watched as the data was converted into a running program adding a few commands. The program came up on the screen. Chuck took his glasses off and read the program on the screen. It was similar to the suppression device that his mom used but instead of suppressing so that no one could steal the intersect this was supressing memory. Chuck scrolled down to see some of the wording as if Quinn had someone randomly pick and choose what memories were taken. As Chuck looked at some of the phrases he fell back to see the the first memory that Quinn took was of him and their wedding, all their missions but as Chuck read on, he had a second and third one coming for her and this one might be the one to allow him to have total control over her. Chuck saw the next test and started to make changes by deleting the commands and installing his own. He used a reverse magnetic resonance imaging program that his dad had worked on. It was similar to how his dad was able to get the intersect out of his head the first time. Chuck took his dad's work and his own intuition and created a program that he hoped would prevent any further memory loss and help Sarah regain her old ones. Chuck worked into the night and hoped that the images that Sarah would see would selectively signal the brain, almost jump starting it. His words rebooting it. The amount of suppression depended on how long he held the card in front of her. Chuck looked at his watch and he had time to go back and return the cards.

Sarah looked at her watch, she knew she had to call Chuck but she wanted to be free of Quinn before she could start rebuilding her life with Chuck. Plus he was in no condition to help her. She knew that he would be sleeping anyways.

Chuck fought off another yawn knowing that sleep will come when everything was back to the way it use to be like. Waking up with Sarah in his arms, the way it should have been, the way it was supposed to be. The mornings talking about having a family, Chuck wondered as he closed the door, what if their time on the train actually conceived a child. But the way Sarah looked there was no way she could be hiding a baby. Chuck closed the door and headed back to where he found the cards.

Sarah sat holding a luke warm cup of coffee as they waited for Quinn to call. Casey opened the door of the car. "No sign of him."

He saw Sarah holding the cup. He stared longer than he should have as he got her attention. "Something I use to do?"

Casey closed the door. "That's a good sign."

"I hope so, how did Chuck do this. I know and it's driving me crazy not knowing about him. What's he like? I know from what I have seen and what he has told me but I would like to hear it from you."

Casey took a sip of his coffee. "He wasn't what I thought he was from what was written on paper. I had his file but after I found him on the roof of the building I knew that he could be an asset. He told me with such maturity that we needed him and frankly he was right. Even without the intersect he was one to rely on. And he was crazy about you, more than he should have."

"I hurt him."

"Yeah, he's a big boy but he never gave up on you, even though most men would have given up. He was nerdy and emotional but I think he knew something long before either of us. He knew one day that he'd prove his love for you and he did. So when Quinn took you from him he didn't want to loose you so he chose to create this world so he could still be able to be with you. He said that he'd rather lose you as his wife than not get to see you everyday."

Sarah wiped a tear. "Yeah he told me that too."

Just then the quietness of the car erupted with the sounds of the phone that Quinn gave Sarah. Sarah answered it, despite the worried look she had on her face. "Walker here."

"That's my girl. I need you to meet me at….."

Quinn continued to give her instructions.

"I can be there shortly."

Sarah put down the phone. "That was quick." Casey looked at her.

"That's not a good sign."

Sarah wasn't ready for any more surprises and she wasn't equipped either.

Casey drove her to the spot.

She slipped out turning around to face Casey. "I'll be right here."

Sarah nodded. She wondered if she should call Chuck. But what would she tell him?

Chuck slipped inside and back into the room and placed the cards down on the table where he found them. He walked back out hearing voices coming near. Chuck cringed holding his side as he snuck out. Casey watched as Sarah walked back to the building that Chuck had walked out from. Casey looked up to see the silhouette walk through the steam coming from the neighbouring building. He waited till Sarah stepped inside and drove through the alley to come up on the other side. He saw none other than Chuck trying to grab a cab. Casey drove towards him startling him. He rolled down the window. "You better have a good reason you're here, otherwise you're a dead man." Chuck looked up. "Casey!"

"Get in."

Chuck walked over to the passenger side and slipped inside holding his side.

Casey looked at him. "You okay?"

"I'll be fine."

Casey slapped the back of his head. "Do you know how dangerous it is out here? Quinn could have seen you."

"Where's Sarah?"

Casey looked at him. "Where's Sarah?"

"She went inside to meet with Quinn again. Why?"

"We need to go get her. He is planning to use those cards on her again. I found out that he had called her and I got the number and it led me here. So I entered and found the cards. I flashed on them and I knew that they were the ones that he used on her. So I took them and headed home to find a way to prevent them from doing any more harm. I found out that he had created a circuit board which held a suppressor in each card. That's when I did a test and I watched them as they took data from its source. So I figured that every time that he held the card in front of Sarah, the longer he held it there the more memories he supressed or temporary took away. But I don't know what will happen to her, this time around. From what he did to her the last time, he took five years from her, this might take her over the edge and she'd have nothing.

"So what he thinks, he had already took from her, there not gone?"

"No, there still there but where I don't know. I just reworked his program so he can't do anymore damage I hope, it was fast and I'm not sure if I did any good. I changed some of his wording in his program hoping that it will reverse it somehow." Chuck tried to get out as Casey grabbed his arm.

"You can't go in there?"

"Watch me."

Casey gave Chuck a look then nodded. Chuck slid out holding his side. Casey gave him a gun. "Remember your dead. So don't die on me or Sarah will kill me too."

The two headed back in.

Quinn had Sarah sit down while he stood. The scene looked familiar to her, and it became real when out from nowhere her wrists and ankles were tied to her chair. She looked at Quinn. "What's going on?"

"Agent Walker I have been pleased with you and what you have been able to do up to now, but I need a guarantee that you are the old Sarah Walker. In LA you were given the first test and now your ready for the second test. With these you will no longer have any memories of working with the CIA prior to five years ago. There will be no recollection of Agent Charles Carmichael, Major John Casey, General Beckman, any one for that matter, your missions. You will become the agent that you were supposed to be by working for me."

Sarah saw the cards come into view and began to move. Quinn saw that she was beginning to move, so he spoke. "The more you move the tighter the ropes will get. Sarah looked up and saw that the ropes were tied to a pulley system that did indeed hinder her movement making her unable to move if anything it forced her to stay put.

Chuck and Casey headed further into the building as Chuck pointed in the direction to which room, he left the cards in. Casey moved out in front holding his gun, while he slipped on a silencer, stepping out in front of Chuck. Casey fired at one guy taking him out. They reached the end of the hall and Chuck froze. He heard screams those screams that haunted your inner soul. He knew those screams were of someone losing their soul or what they had left and was hanging onto them in hopes that a miracle would happen. Sarah cringed as she felt like her head was going to explode. Chuck couldn't get there fast enough. The closer he got the more frantic his wife's pleading to have it all stop fell on deaf ears. "I know it hurts Agent Walker but the more you fight the more it's going to hurt." Quinn brushed her hair back as she flailed and shifted in her chair. "I want to see those blue eyes." Sarah's blue eyes rolled in the back of her head as she was losing consciousness. Casey and Chuck entered the doorway as Sarah's head fell forward and her body went limp. Quinn looked at her as he bent down to check her pulse. "Good you're still breathing." He stood up and motioned to his men to untie her but as they approached Sarah, Chuck yelled. "Get your hands off my wife."

Quinn turned around. "You're supposed to be dead."

"No, but you are." Chuck raised his arm and pointed the gun firing and killing the second evil threat in his life, no more taking a breath. He slid the gun in behind his back and ran over to Sarah. Casey and him untied Sarah. Chuck brushed her hair back. "Babe wake up." He had the same feelings rush through his system as it did a year ago when Sarah was the target of Vivian Volkoff. "We need to go Chuck." Casey picked her up and carried her out laying her in the back seat. Casey got on his phone. "General, we have Agent Walker in critical condition, we are taking her to the Naval hospital."

Chuck watched as they took Sarah into the emergency room. The nurses held him back, but he was in too much pain to fight. Casey made him get checked out as he probably didn't see a doctor after he was shot. The nurses took him in to get checked out. Casey got on the phone with Beckman. "Yes General, they are both here. Will need a clean up crew. Quinn is dead. Chuck shot him."

"Good, no more threats and the files?"

"Sarah was able to give him fake intel so whatever he did with it – they won't get far. Not sure who he is working with or whether he was working for himself. We don't know what damage was done or if Chuck was able to prevent any more damage."

"Keep me posted."

"I will General."

Weeks later

Sarah woke up and rolled over. The last time she opened her eyes there were nurses and doctors hanging over her asking her questions. She remembered being hooked up to ECG machines and slipping in and out of MRI's and tons of visual testing and memory tests. But her results were inconclusive. She sat up smelling the ocean and wondered where she was. She feared that she was on some mission. Cause the last true memory she had was Quinn holding up the cards. She got up and grabbed a blanket and headed out through the French doors. The ocean and the sky met as one as she stared out at the blueness. There was a faint breeze, so she covered up with her blanket and walked out further looking down to see someone's bare feet. She walked out further and when she met his eyes, she knew that she was safe. But as she sat down and heard him say hi, she wondered if she remembered anything, or was she the same. "Hi."

"I was wondering if I should have woken you up."

"How long have I been out and where are we?"

Chuck turned to face her. "You have been sleeping for a while. They gave you a sedative after all the tests and we are in Mexico. I didn't want to go too far but we needed to have some time to recoup."

"And Quinn?"

"Dead."

"And you?"

Chuck looked at her. "I am good, knowing that your safe."

"But I don't know…. he used the cards again."

"I know but I found them, and I tried to reset them or fix them somehow but when he used them you screamed and when Casey and I found you, you were unconscious."

"So, what I remember is that they found nothing."

"It doesn't matter, your safe."

"But you and me."

Chuck reached for her hand. "As long as I can see you every day, I am fine with that."

"No, Chuck, it's not fair that you know me and I…"

Sarah looked at him and several images popped into her head. Memories of them sitting on the beach and her telling Chuck to trust her. Then she remembered sharing a cheeseburger. Chuck sat up. "Sarah you, okay?"

Sarah held onto his hand making him move towards her. He knelt in front of her as she held his hands in her lap. Chuck whispered. "You remembered something?"

Sarah nodded, as tears rolled down her cheek Chuck leaned in and kissed her hands. He rested his head on them as she lowered her head on top of his.

They went for a walk and for the next few days they just hung out, but the more she saw him the more she wanted to be with him. She knew he was ready, and he had been patient, more than he should have been. And she was ready too, but she didn't want to make him think that she was just doing it to appease him.

Chuck made them supper which made her laugh as it was his infamous chicken pepperoni dish. He placed the dishes on the table as Sarah sat down. "You made this once when my dad helped us try to get our money back for our wedding."

Chuck dished up their plates. "Yeah, I found you in our bedroom staring at a pink pig."

Sarah laughed which made Chucks heart leap. "Dig in."

Sarah's mouth watered as she took a bite. The flavours were exactly like they were the first time she ate it. It was her favourite just like Chuck said. They enjoyed their meal and Sarah watched as Chuck got up with no discomfort. She helped him with the dishes, cleaning up they headed outside to watch the sun set.

Sarah walked out to the water with Chuck by her side. She grabbed his hand instinctively as it was the normal thing to do. Chuck looked at their hands and he remembered every time they had held hands like this. The not so sure moments or if they should. Sarah held Chucks hand tight in hers as they stepped into the warm ocean. They watched the water as Chuck bent down to grab a rock and toss it, he came back up facing Sarah. "I want to say something."

"Okay."

"I want to say thank you."

Chuck started to shake his head. Sarah placed her hand on his chest. "No, I need to say this. It's more than a thank you. You stood by me when I only knew you as a stranger. But you knew me as your wife. You watched me not letting on that we had a past, all because you loved me. No one could stick around like you did. Despite knowing what you knew."

"I told you, If I didn't love you, it would have been harder to just watch you like I did, but I knew that one day you would be back and even if you weren't I'm ok with just being able to see you every day."

Sarah leaned in and kissed him. Chuck was as shocked as he was the last time Sarah sprung a surprised kiss on his lips. Sarah kissed him again and Chuck wrapped his arms around her. He held her close taking all of her and putting all that energy into that kiss. They remained close as the last speck of sun bounced for the last time that day. Sarah reached for Chuck's hand and led them back inside. They reached the bed. "I can sleep on the couch." "Not tonight. Not any other night."

"Sarah, we don't…"

"Chuck, I know I love you because I told myself I did and if I can't trust myself and trust you then this isn't going to work. Do I feel in love with you?" Chuck swallowed then looked up at her. "When I figured it out that you were my husband, it was the proof I needed. I knew we connected back in DC, but I was a spy and…"

"Spies don't fall in love." Chuck nervously answered for her.

"Right. But like the first time I knew I loved you, after you fixed my phone and diffused a bomb. I knew that I was falling for you, and it scared me."

"And now?" As their hearts were racing.

"Chuck, I may not remember everything, and I will be okay with that, but being able to see you every day is what I love about you, about us. And the way you are helping me remember, you're not rushing me or forcing me to, you are just loving me as I am. And I want to love you back."

Chuck held her face in his hands as they kissed. Sarah nervously unbuttoned Chuck's shirt and pushed it over his shoulders letting it fall on the floor. She ran her fingers over his chest and settled on the spot where she shot him. She ran her finger over it making Chuck react. She leaned down and kissed the spot then placed her lips on his. Chuck removed her clothes and laid her down on the bed. Chuck could tell that his wife was nervous, and he was too but it felt right. Chuck slipped under the covers as Sarah laid on her back staring at him. He leaned into her and kissed her letting her make the next move. She pulled him over her as he laid between her legs. He lowered his head kissing her neck and holding her close. She wrapped her legs around his hips and gave him a subtle nod. There was no going back as Chuck made love to his wife. Though her memories were not all there, they were coming back. Whether it was what Chuck did or the fact that Sarah had come to grips with her situation. She knew that the man she was staring at was indeed her husband, and that a piece of her will always love the Chuck she didn't know like she use to. But now she could relish in the fact that she was able to start all over again with this man and appreciate the old memories when they came back. They spent a lot of time making up for lost time.

The End