AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so this fic will be 4 parts/Chapters long. I had to set some kind of boundary for myself. It won't be as detailed as my other fics, will skip over time periods a lot quicker and I am refusing to go over 4 chapters. My intention with this fic is to bang it out, post it as soon as possible, and leave it to live rent free on the internet so I can get some precious neurons back to be able to focus on my work (and when I'm fully up to date) my other fics. This story is on a loop in my head and I need to get it out. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have been tortured by thinking it over, repeatedly, ad nauseam. ;-)
Part 1
"Here." Jason instructs, "Take this."
Carly looks at the glass of whiskey being held out to her. She reaches out, numbly, and takes it.
"I can't believe it. I just… and Nina…" Carly isn't often lost for words. She feels tired, lost. Tomorrow she will go over there and wring Nina's neck. Tomorrow she will fight. Tonight, she just wants to die, quietly.
Her mind goes back over the past two weeks. Sonny is alive. Her husband is alive! Only, he calls himself Mike now. And he doesn't remember her or their life together. And Nina knew. She has known for months and instead of telling his family, his wife, his kids, his best friend, she seduced him. Sonny, or Mike, thinks he is in love with Nina. And, apparently, he forgave her for not saying anything to him about his life. For the life of her, Carly can't fathom what on earth Nina could have said to make him forgive her, but he did. He wants nothing to do with the business, nothing to do with her. Of all the things she had ever seen happening to them, Sonny walking away from her and not looking back, had never been in the cards. He always looked back. She always looked back. They always, eventually, came back together. Until today.
"I'm going to kill her." She growls.
Jason scoots closer from where he is seated on the coffee table until their knees touch and covers her hands, still wrapped around the glass, with his own.
He looks troubled. His eyes show a myriad of emotions. Empathy for her, worry about how this will impact the business and their safety, and hurt. It hurts knowing his best friend doesn't know him and doesn't care to. But he understands it. It is the same way he felt when he first lost his memory.
They sit like that for what feels like hours, Carly taking strength from his touch, and Jason strategizing on how he can keep them safe, if not happy.
By the time her glass is empty, and Jason takes it from her to deposit it on the coffee table, the sounds of morning can be heard from outside.
"Go to bed." He instructs, "Get some sleep. We'll figure out our next move once we have had time to process."
He pulls her in for a hug and feel her head move as she nods over his shoulder.
"Thanks, Jase. For… just being… you." She stumbles over her words. Her mind feels jumbled and numb, but she knows he understands what she means.
As she heads upstairs, Jason closes the patio doors. They are in a secure compound with ample guards, but the basics of security is still important.
Tomorrow he will have to have a serious conversation with Carly. He knows what their next moves need to be, but he also knows, she will fight him on it.
By the time Jason heads out, Carly is still sleeping.
He makes a quick call to the Metro Court, informs reception to tell Olivia that Carly is sick and will either be late or not coming in today. She will likely fly up later, in a rage, and head over to see Nina. He just hopes that her strategic mind kicks in before she does it in public. They are still officially engaged.
His first stop is a meeting with Diane. They need to move forward before the other families smell blood.
When Diane and Jason walk into the Metro Court, Jason's first instinct is to glance around to find Carly. He shakes his head. She is still home. He asked the guard to tell him when she heads out. They step onto the elevator, and once the door closes, Diane speaks.
"What if he refuses to see us?" Diane asks.
"I won't give him a choice." Jason answers. He is determined to get their plans underway. "Everyone's safety depends on it."
Jason's phone rings. He answers.
"Morgan." he pauses as he listens, then "Thank you."
"You know, I am used to you being a man of very little words, but today I think is a record for not saying much. And I am including your myriad interrogations in this assessment." Diane remarks.
Jason gives a half smile, then grows serious again.
"Nina is over at the house, so Sonny is on his own."
"Well, that is fortuitous for us, Carly on the other hand…" Diane trails off, Jason chooses to finish her sentence his own way.
"…will be fine." After a pause he continues with a slightly amused expression, "I may need to get rid of Nina's body later."
Diane rolls her eyes at his dry sense of humor.
"This time I am quadrupling my retainer." Diane quips back.
They step off the elevator and knock on Sonny's door.
"Did you…" Mike trails off after opening the door and seeing Jason. "I told you and Carly, I am not interested in his life."
"If that is true, you will want to see us." Jason answers.
Mike looks over at Diane.
"And you are?"
"Your attorney, although I suppose not for much longer. Diane Miller." Diane sticks out her hand for him to shake.
Mike frowns, then opens the door further.
"Say what you have to say." He sighs.
They enter and go sit around the coffee table. Diane proceeds to take out several documents.
"What is all this?" Mike asks.
"Documentation you need to sign to overturn the declaration of your death." Diane points to another set of documents. "Documents to take possession of your extensive assets."
"I don't want it. It's blood money." Mike interjects.
Diane nods, then continue on to the next set of documents.
"Documents to sell said assets to Mr. Jason Morgan."
"I don't want any money."
"Then keep it in your account in case your memory returns." Diane points to another set of documents she puts next to her. "These are documents with the same assets being sold back to you for the same amount by Mr. Jason Morgan, already signed, so that in the case of you getting your memory back, the territory can swiftly be transferred back to you."
"You're serious?" Mike asks, shocked, then looks over at Jason, "You can have it, the business, the money. Why would you sign papers in advance to give it back to me?"
"It's yours." Jason shrugs, "I never wanted it. I'm running the business because there is no one else."
Mike frowns, suspicious.
"An honest mobster. You expect me to believe that? You never wanted my business or my money? Just my wife, is that it?"
Jason flinches at the accusation but keeps a straight face.
"Carly loves you." He answers, instead.
"So, why is she marrying you?" Mike answers.
Jason looks over at Diane and nods.
She puts the last set of documents on the table.
"These are divorce papers, but before you sign, we feel you must know why you need to sign it."
As Diane explains the situation and the reasons for the wedding, Jason tunes out. This is what the Quartermains felt like when he wanted nothing to do with them. Once he started working at having a relationship with Monica, he started understanding, intellectually, what he had put her through, but here, now, he understands it.
"So, you understand, this marriage is keeping your children and the people of Port Charles safe from a large scale mob war…" Diane concludes her explanation.
She starts as her phone rings.
"Please excuse me."
As Diane heads over to the other side of the room, Jason looks at the man who is supposed to be his best friend.
"So, this marriage is a business arrangement."
Jason nods.
"Lives are at stake.' Jason answers, then sits forward, "I am trusting you to keep this secret. Even from Nina."
"I trust her." Mike answers.
"I don't. She allowed your family to mourn for you. Your kids and your grand kids, because she blames Carly for her daughter's death. For your own children's safety, even if you don't remember them, keep this secret. It is not your secret to tell."
Mike shrugs.
"Why you are getting married doesn't make a difference to our lives, so, fine. I won't tell Nina."
Mike looks down at the divorce papers.
"Does Carly know? About the divorce papers."
"No." Jason answers, "but she knows what needs to be done."
"So, this is all business to you?" Mike asks, then sits forward, "You're really not in love with Carly?"
Jason looks up as Diane approaches them.
"I trust that you will keep our confidence, S… uh, Mike?" Diane asks, sitting down.
Jason looks back at Mike.
He is frowning over the interruption, then relents.
"Yes. Yes, I won't tell anyone. If what you say is true, I don't want to get anyone killed."
As Jason opens the front door, to which is now for all intents and purposes, his legal home, he worries about what he will find.
The guard informed him that Nina left 2 hours ago, Carly screaming after her. They both looked disheveled, no doubt Carly pulled out her younger, hair pulling, eye scratching self.
The lights are off in the living room. Even though it is late afternoon the windows are facing away from the sun, making the room look much darker. He switches on the light. The furniture is out of place but for the most part it doesn't look like the two women did any real damage. The coffee table is suspiciously empty, and Jason is fairly certain that he would find the previous decoration in the trash. A pang of worry fills him at the quiet. He knows that Carly is capable of fighting her own battles, not just verbally but physically, but that doesn't make him not worry about her.
In the quiet he suddenly hears Mike's voice.
"You're really not in love with Carly?"
He was about to say, "No. No I'm not." But the words got stuck in his throat and Diane saved him with her interruption. He sighs, rubs the top of his nose between his eyes. He hates this. More and more the question arises. "Is he in love with Carly?" and the more people that ask him, the more the word, "Yes." wants to form in his mouth.
But that is not what scares him. What scares him is the fact that he doesn't feel any different about her than he always has. She is still the most important person in his life, she is still the reason he does most things, the thought of living in a world without her still scares him to death. He still thinks she is the sexiest woman on the planet and she still lights up his life. And, there is still no-one in this world that can annoy him straight into a migraine like she can.
The only thing that had changed? He doesn't need to step aside anymore, get out of the way, for her to be happy with any other man.
So, why does it feel like something significant has changed?
"Carly?!" he calls out.
Silence.
Something doesn't feel right.
He starts taking the stairs two at a time.
"Carly?!"
"In here!"
He sighs with relief.
His relief turns back to alarm when he swings open her bedroom door to survey the mess on the bed, on the floor, on the dresser… and two half packed suitcases in the middle of it all.
"I can't stay here." Carly announces, carrying a pile of jeans from the closet to the bed. "I need to get out of Port Charles."
Jason is still staring at the scene in front of him.
"We can go to the island for a few days." He answers, "You're packing like you're leaving for a year."
Jason remarks, calming down. Carly never does anything by halves.
"I am." Carly answers, dumping the pile on the bed and heading over to him.
"No, you're not." Jason answers
"You've given up enough for me, Jason. I know it might be too late, but maybe if you explain to Britt…" she interrupts herself to stomp her foot, "I was so adamant about not leaving. We should've just pretended that you exiled me and been done with it."
"You stayed because your kids are here, your hotel is here, I.. I'm here." He is doing what he always does, trying to be logical with the one who woman whose logic defies the word. This is the same feeling he had when she told him she has ZBT. "You're not doing this for me."
Carly shrugs.
"I need to get away. I need to get away from my life, Port Charles, the memories…"
"Sonny." Jason states in one word, throwing his hands up. "You're not going."
He knew they were going to have a fight today, he just assumed it would be about her signing the divorce papers, now they'll have to fight all this out and… then fight about the divorce papers.
"Yes, I am. Take it Jason. How many times have I ever given you an out? Never. Well, I'm giving you an out. You don't have to marry me!" her voice has steadily been climbing, and Jason barely notices his own voice ringing out into the room.
"If you're going, I'm coming with you!"
"You can't, you have to run the business!"
"I don't care about the business. Sonny doesn't want it! I can just carve up the territory and hand it all over the other families." Jason shoots back.
"You can't do that! What if Sonny remembers and then we just gave it all away!"
"Which is why you are not leaving!"
"That's not fair!"
"I know that, but that is the way it is!" Jason takes a few big breathes. Somewhere in their screaming match it dawned on him that yelling has never worked with Carly. He can feel a headache coming on and rubs between his eyes.
"Look.." he starts, calmly, "If you leave and I "exile" you, you can't come back unless Sonny gets his memory back and takes back the business. That could be a year, two years… Carly he may never get his memory back – I didn't."
He sighs, walks over to her when he can see his words are starting to take effect.
"Carly, if you leave, you and Donna, may never be able to come back. I can't imagine my life without you. In less than a month, you will go crazy, you will miss your kids, your mom, your life…"
Carly starts crying quietly as he looks into her eyes.
"And you. I'll miss you."
"So, you see? If you go, I go, if you stay, I stay."
He knows he had broken her resolve when she throws her arms around him in a hug and all he can do is steady her as the sobs start tearing through her.
"I'm… I'm.. tired.. of being strong." She sobs into his ear.
"I know." He tries to put as much comfort and love into the hug as he possibly can, knowing there is nothing he can do but just be there.
It's almost a half an hour later before he takes the plunge into what is probably going to be a 2nd fight, but the fight seems to have left Carly.
He tells her about his and Diane's visit to Mike, the documents she had drawn up and that Mike knows why they are getting married. By the time he presents her with the divorce papers, she signs it, silently, her eyes dead.
She hands it back to him like its just another business document. Which technically, it is in their situation.
"Carly?" Jason asks worriedly.
"I'll be okay." She answers automatically.
She heads over to the dresser, picks up his ring, puts it on, then holds her hand out in front of her, admiring it. Then she looks at him and smiles. It lights up her face, just her eyes remain dead.
"You know, you have much better taste than Sonny."
Jason's heart aches. He can see through her happy act way too easily.
Carly walks into the metro court restaurant area, stops just inside the door from the elevator. She spent the last two days doing paperwork. She told Olivia that she wants everything up to date so she can enjoy her honeymoon. In truth she wasn't up to playing the happy bride and needed to hide out behind her desk. But that couldn't last forever.
She puts on her smile and walks over to the bar, exchanging a smile with a customer leaving the bar to head to a table. She reaches the bar and puts her hand on it, surveying the restaurant floor.
The elevator opens and Jason steps out. Almost immediately his eyes find her in her favorite spot. He lifts an eyebrow as he approaches her.
"I'm glad you're out of your office." He remarks, as he stops next to her and drops a kiss on her cheek. The movement has lost the awkwardness they had in the beginning. His eyes look concerned as he looks at her.
"I'm fine. I had my little break down, now I am back." She answers.
He doesn't yet look convinced.
At the corner table, Britt Westbourne is watching them. Sometimes she feels like finding another place to live but then her stubborn streak kicks in and she decides that she won't allow them to run her off. She starts as she feels a hand on her shoulder.
She looks up at the stranger.
"I'm sorry. Who are you?" she spits at him.
"An ally, at least I think."
"Ally in what?" she quirks an eyebrow.
"I don't want them together either." He answers, nodding in Jason and Carly's direction.
"Nice. Another Carly ex." She grounds out.
Actually, no." he answers, taking a seat.
"Excuse me…"
"For me, it's purely business."
He sticks out a hand.
"Joey Novak."
Britt looks at him, sizing him up, before shaking his hand.
"Dr. Westbourne."
"Mm? A doctor? I take it your interest is in Mr. Morgan over there, unless you swing the other way." He relents.
"I don't." Britt frowns, "What did you mean with ally?"
"Well, see, with them marrying, it puts a bit of a hamper on my business plans. My uncle doesn't want to take on their… business… if they marry. You, clearly, want a shot…" he frowns, fishing for information, "or another shot at Mr. Morgan. I believe we can help each other. There is no way you can get to him with her in the way, but if she isn't…" he leaves the thought dangling.
"If you say so." Britt answers, non-committing.
"Well, when you change your mind, here's my number. We can help each other out."
He drops a business card on the table.
As he walks off, Britt looks over at the couple at the bar again.
He may be right, but first she needs to find out for herself. Jason said if things were different… perhaps she can make him see that things can be different.
Well, no time like the present. She heads to the elevator.
"I have an appointment with the wedding planner this afternoon." Carly tells Jason, "I was going to postpone it, but we're running out of time…" she sighs.
"You'll be fine." He reaches over to rub her shoulder. "You're the best liar, I know."
Carly smiles, ruefully, rolling her eyes.
"Gee, thanks Jase."
Jason gives her a half smile.
"I have a meeting."
"Okay, I'll see you tonight."
Jason drops a kiss on her cheek, then leaves.
Once he gets in the elevator, he sighs, rubs his eyes… For a split second he considered dropping a quick kiss on her lips. There is no reason he shouldn't. It would definitely sell their story much better, but… Inside him is an unwelcome feeling of anticipation, the kind you get before a roller coaster ride, not the kind you get before a picnic.
He straightens his back and takes a deep breath. The doors open to the underground parking lot.
He knew, going into this, that marrying Carly could be the biggest mistake of his life. The one thing that can change their lives forever, but every day that goes passed, he can feel the emotional boundaries he had set for himself crumble. And yet, there is this strange feeling of contentment with where they are.
As he rounds the corner he is confronted with Britt, crying. His first instinct is always to offer help, though she will likely refuse again. He made a promise. If she doesn't want his help, he can't do anything but, he has to try. Silently he hopes that her tears don't have anything to do with him bailing.
"My offer still stands." He says as he approaches her.
Britt flies around, then surprisingly, hugs him.
He holds her as she cries. He doesn't ask questions. She will open up if she wants to. It must be big if she's allowing him to help. A pained expression crosses his features. It doesn't matter what has her so upset, his actions had made it worst. Guilt floods him. As usual he lashed out by trying to make a life, something, with a woman because he started feeling reeled in. He saw potential, she was vulnerable, he found himself able to care and he chose to go for it, thinking he had time to build up to something that would be more real if given more time.
It worked all the other times.
When she starts calming down, and starts pulling back, he allows her, looking down into her tear stained face. Before he can ask or say anything else, she fuses her lips to his. He didn't see it coming. He allows her, hoping that he would feel something. This time it doesn't come. He draws back, pushes her slightly away.
"I'm sorry." He says. He knows why. When he convinces himself that something can work, he is open, but right now, he knows he doesn't have the luxury to give anything the time it deserves to become something, not even to try and loosen the reel he is on, has always been on.
"You said, If things were different… well, they can be..." Britt answers, then moves in for another kiss. He steps back.
"Britt. If you need help or support, I can be that, but not like this." She draws back completely, straightens to her full height and narrows her eyes at him.
"Right. You knew you were in love with Carly but you slept with me anyway, so what's changed, Jason? Apart from putting a ring on her?" she spits out.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. That was never my intention."
"Well, why did you? Why did you even sleep with me? What? You thought you couldn't be with Carly, so you'll take what you can get?" Britt is now furious, there are no signs of her crying earlier.
He gets an uneasy feeling. Something doesn't add up, but then she has been all over the place since he told her he is marrying Carly. The toothbrush conversation is still a mystery to him. He shakes off the unease, and tries to answer her question as truthfully as possible.
"I never thought Carly and I would…"
"Clearly." She interrupts.
"We had potential. If given time…" he shrugs, helplessly. How does he explain, Carly, the hold she has on him? It's nothing she had ever done, it just is. Without her in his life, he feels empty, and when he leans into his emotions for her too deeply, the fear drives him to try and assert how independent his life is from her. It happened then because he feared his utter inability to say no to her when she wanted him to escape from GH, and it happened now because he fears how deep his love for her truly goes. It's why he allowed Britt to kiss him, even tried to get into it.
"I'm a mess." The words slip out before he realizes.
"I'll say. You know what, if help is all your offering, I'm not taking." Britt flies around and stomps off. Jason is left confused at her double turnaround in minutes, and overwhelmed with guilt. He has always had issues, and very often the women in his life were hurt because of it, but these days it feels like it has ramped up to a point where he barely recognizes himself.
And at the core of it? As always.
Carly.
As Jason approaches the front door, it swings open and he finds himself face to face with a dark haired woman wearing way too much make-up. He steps back startled.
"Thanks, Jenny." He hears Carly saying.
"Your welcome." Jenny answers, then faces Jason, "Hello."
He gives her a half smile.
"Jason Morgan." He introduces himself.
"Oh! The groom! You snagged a handsome one, honey!" she calls over her shoulder to Carly. "Not to worry Mr. Morgan, I promise your wedding will be utterly magical."
"Uh, Thanks." He answers, not sure how he should be reacting.
"See you, Carly!" she calls over her shoulder with an airy wave, clutching her notebook and clipboard as she heads to her car.
Jason just stares at her, then looks over at Carly as he enters.
"Magical, huh?" he remarks.
Carly shrugs.
"I think the appropriate phrase is "On trend". It will definitely be memorable, and well covered by the press."
Jason doesn't answer. The mechanics of events is not anything that interests him. It will send the message they are intending, just dressed up in apparently "On trend" decor and cake. Jason idly wonders if there are trends in Cake. Seems a somewhat absurd concept to him.
As they settle in at the kitchen counter with their warmed-up Metro Court meals, Carly starts chatting about some new trend on Tiktok that Joss and Cam were talking about, then switches over to the success of the pool area at the Metro Court.
As Jason listens and watches her, he notices the underlying sadness in her eyes, the signs of fatigue and more than that, his own sense of contentment. Like a buzz surrounding him. Being here with her, being a family, this, this is dangerous.
When she grows quiet, lost in thought, he reaches over the table to take her hand. She looks up, startled.
"You need to get some rest. And you need to start taking care of yourself." He says, concerned, focusing on what he notices about her, instead of what he notices about himself.
"I know." Carly answers, "I do." She then adds, defensively, "These last few weeks, running into Sonny…"
"Mike." He interjects,
"Whatever. All of it, it just… it hurt when he… died… I never thought him coming back would… hurt just as much."
She looks down at their adjoined hands. He does the same, idly playing with the ring she wears. His ring. The thought warms him. He pushes the thought away. She's wearing it, but her heart has got a Sonny-shaped hole in it.
"I know. And going through with the wedding… I'm sorry… for forcing you to do this but letting you leave…" he trails off, shaking his head.
"No. You were right. It was a stupid plan. In less than a month I would have been going stark raving crazy missing my life." She grows quiet, looks up into his eyes. When their eyes connect, more often than not, it feels like they're looking straight into each other's souls, his love for her always visible. It grounds her. She smiles sadly at him. "I just need to get used to Sonny not being a part of that life."
Jason doesn't say anything, just nods. She knows he understands.
Britt is in her office, or rather, the office she now shares with Terri. Thankfully Terri has a few patients that she deems as only hers which gives Britt more time on her own.
Slowly the realization that Joey is right has sunk in. As long as Carly is around, a part, a big part of Jason will always be inaccessible to her. To anyone for that matter. Clearly Sam was fine with being Carly's doormat for years, but Britt has no intention of playing that game.
Joey has a better one. And she has been offered a chance to play.
Resolutely she takes out his business card. Dials his number.
It's time for her to accept her invitation to a new game, with new rules.
As the time until the wedding passes, Carly starts finding her feet again. Her poker face is back. In public she is so convincing that sometime even Jason wants to believe their lie. She has taken to hooking herself around his right arm again, like she used to, and they have moved into a comfortable kiss on cheek greeting that feels natural. Jason doesn't know if he should call it progress or regression.
They have effectively moved back to acting the way they always had. And for some reason it bothers him. When they had to do the engagement, his sudden awkwardness was mirrored by her. It made him feel less alone in this conflict that he had managed to largely ignore for years but was now bubbling back up. Sonny's reappearance seems to have effectively erased any conflict on her side. He should be grateful, it made it easier for him to fake their previous level of comfort with each other, and yet, it leaves him feeling lost.
Whenever he felt like there was more to them than they say, he felt that it was mutual. That is familiar territory. Him being alone in this, is terrifying.
Jason closes the laptop in front of him. None of the numbers in front of him makes any sense. He is too distracted. He sighs, rubs the bridge of his nose, then opens the bottom drawer to grab his bike's keys.
Only once he reaches the outskirts of Port Charles with the chilling autumn wind cutting past his body does it feel like he can start thinking again. Speeding down the highway, he can switch off everything that is chasing him. Eventually he reaches the ocean. A little piece of nothing, next to the water, a place he only ever comes to when he desperately needs to escape.
He stops, takes of his helmet, gets of his bike and walks the ten paces onto the small strip of beach. The sound of the waves is overpowering and the more-than gentle breeze is whipping around his ears.
And in the quiet of his being, he knows.
It wasn't any kind of thought process.
He wasn't even really thinking about anything.
It was just this sudden random thought full of inner knowledge he never truly experienced before.
He is in love with Carly.
The thought brings no joy. Just a resignation. An acceptance of something he knew all along, but never wanted to.
And then a follow up thought.
He blew it.
A long time ago, he chose to not accept it.
And she fought for him. For years, a decade, perhaps longer, she fought for him.
And then she didn't.
And Sonny won the rest of her heart.
That is the part that buckles his knees and send him kneeling in the sand, head hung low.
"Just keep telling the guys what I have been telling you. The guys at the bottom have no problem conversing and sharing rumors with the bottom guys at Corinthos's organization. It'll make it's way up."
"But if she shows up for the wedding, they will know it was just rumors."
Joey Novak slams his fist on his desk.
"You just do your part and leave that part to me. There will be no Corinthos-Morgan union."
It is past midnight when Jason finally gets home. Loving Carly and knowing he is in love with her, is two very different things.
Once he understood exactly how deep his feelings go for her, he spent another three hours on the beach watching as every action he has ever taken suddenly fell into place. He had never truly understood himself until that moment. His every action was driven either by his love for her or his fear of loving her.
And now, here he is, with this massive burden of knowledge that he cannot share with anyone. And an even bigger guilt at all the people he had hurt in the process. Britt is just the last in a long line of people he shredded through without knowing why. And the woman at the core of it all, can never know.
He enters quietly, not knowing if she had gone to bed already. The lights are still on. He stops just inside the living room as he surveys the scene in front of him.
Carly is cleaning.
Carly only cleans when she is the one who caused the mess. If she caused the mess fighting with someone.
He sighs.
"Okay, who was here?" he asks.
Carly turns around, putting on her innocent face.
She's thinking about lying.
A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. He tries to keep his stone-cold stare.
She sees right through him. And she knows he sees through her.
She drops the innocent face, then pulls her "I have been naughty, and your gonna hate this face."
"Carly?" he reiterates when she takes another beat to answer.
"Robin." She admits, then powers on before he can react, "but just so you know, that Bitch came here looking for a fight. I was minding my own business. I even offered her coffee."
Like that makes her Mother Theresa.
"So, what happened?" Jason sighs. He should be angry, but he just can't be after all his own revelations. This is his fault. He started it, all those years ago. Yes, Robin came first, but in the end, he chose Carly. Like he always does. And he never took accountability for it. Not with Robin, or Elizabeth or Sam. Somehow it was Carly's fault for making him put her first, when there was just no way he couldn't. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't theirs. He pulled them into a life that was all about Carly, and yet, no-one ever blamed him. It was always Carly's fault.
Carly sighs, turns, drops the pieces of porcelain into the trash bag she has got open in the middle of the living room and then flops down on the couch.
"Just so you know, I'm not apologizing." She answers.
"I know. What happened?" he asks again, walking into the room and pushing a piece of… something that is now unidentifiable, to the other side of the coffee table so he can sit down.
"Okay, so… Saint Robin pitches up here. She rings the doorbell, I answer. She wants to talk to me. I invite her in." Carly's whole demeanor screams defiance as she tells her story. "She walks into the living room, I offer her coffee." She pulls a face, "I offered her coffee." She repeats it like it's significant.
"Okay, so you offered her coffee and what then? You threw her with it? What?" Jason is getting impatient.
Carly pouts.
"See… You're already on her side…" she wails.
"Carly. I'm on no-one's side.." Jason sighs, "she came here, I'm sure she knew there would be a fight. Just tell me what happened."
"She made a crack about it being Sonny's coffee…" she sits forward, "and for the record, I let it go… but then she said that I must be so happy that I won because now I have everything I had ever wanted, I let that go too, then she said I'm here playing house when Sonny is just around the corner and instead of helping him remember I'm seducing you. And that's when I lost it. I told her Sonny wants nothing to do with either of us and she said, kicking me out of his life is the best thing he ever did and its just a matter of time before you do too."
Jason frowns, rubs his eyes, and then completes the scenario for her, throwing his hands up in the air.
"And then you threw her HIV in her face and told her about our non-existent, fabulous sex life."
"She drove me to it." Carly pouts. "And for the record, she threw the first punch, or well, ornament."
Jason drops his head in his hands. Then he focuses his energy on the only good thing he can see in this scenario.
"Well, at least you got your fire back. I was starting to wonder if I'll see you again."
"Wait! What is that supposed to mean?" Carly asks, offended.
"You've been sulking around the house like a Zombie!" Jason answers, a bit loudly.
"Well, geez, excuse me, I thought you understood what I had been going through!" Carly yells back.
"I do, and I was worried!" Jason is also now shouting.
He reigns it in. Then continues quietly.
"I hate seeing you broken."
"So, you're not mad at me?" Carly asks hopefully.
"Nice try." Jason answers, getting up.
"Where are you going?"
"See, Robin, smooth things over."
"It's past midnight." Carly objects.
"And I know just where to find her." He sighs.
Carly rolls her eyes.
"The bridge."
Then she gets up and marches over to him, poking him in the chest.
"I better not find out that you told her that I apologize, because I don't."
"I won't speak for you."
"And tell her I'm still cleaning her mess." She throws over her shoulder as she starts picking up debris.
Jason shakes his head as he heads out.
Years ago, she would have been hurt and jealous at him going to see Robin. He misses those days.
Robin looks up as she hears a sound on the Bridge. Jason stops when she looks up.
"Hey." She greets him.
"Hey." He answers, joining her at the side, peering out over the water.
"So…." Robin starts, "You're marrying Carly. What happened, did she hit you over the head with something?"
"No." he answers, then changes the subject, "When did you get back to town?"
"This morning. Couldn't believe it when Elizabeth told me the news."
Jason turns his head to look at her.
"Is it really that surprising?" He can't help but sound confused.
How did he manage to fool everyone for so long? Then again, how did he manage to fool himself for this long?
"Uh, yeah." Robin answers, "I know Carly is a big part of your life, I get that you love her in your own way but, Jason, haven't you done enough for her? Lost enough? Sam? Your kids? For what? To keep Carly from destroying herself?"
Jason is quiet, then sits down, his legs hanging off the side of the bridge through the wooden fence. Robin follows suit. Eventually he answers, almost sadly.
"I love her."
"I know." Robin answers, rolling her eyes, "But it's not the same thing as being in love, Jason, and Carly knows that but she doesn't care, as long as she gets what she wants."
Jason wants to say that she doesn't want this, but stays quiet. After the AJ thing, he can't bring himself to let her in on the secret. Yes, telling AJ was the right thing in the end, but it was still not her decision to make.
He created this situation. Everyone always blames Carly for where they are, and he doesn't understand. He has admitted to Carly that he is oblivious to what other people think, but she isn't, and she is the one who has to bear the judgement. It's time he finds out what people do think about them.
"So what do you think Carly wants?" he asks.
"You." Robin answers, rolling her eyes, "At her beck and call, night and day, to be first in your life. No matter what, even if it means wrecking your relationships and your life."
"Carly never wrecked my life." Jason answers. Not even when she slept with Sonny. It was his reaction that wrecked what they could've had. The sudden realization feels like lead in his chest.
"Seriously, Jason? How many people have had to come second to her? Elizabeth. Sam." She pauses, then adds, "Me. I know we would never have worked, cause Patrick was out there waiting for me, but…"
"That was me, not Carly. All of it."
"Because she had to come first."
"No, because she does come first. She always has. I…" Jason swallows, then decides to unburden himself. He may never get another chance to talk to someone about this. For once in his life, he cannot confide in Carly. "Every single woman I ever hurt because I put Carly first, is on me, not on Carly. I loved her, but I didn't want to, so I tried to make a life… separate from her, but not without her."
"Ugh!" Robin grounds out, "Seriously Jason? You always defend her. She held on to you and you never had the heart to get rid of her."
Jason stays quiet.
"No, I couldn't get rid of her because I didn't want to. The thought of not having Carly in my life… terrifies me. I love her Robin…" he takes a deep breath, scared of his own words but needing to say them, just once, out loud, to someone, "I'm in love with Carly."
Silence follows his admission. Then Robin asks the inevitable question.
"Since when?" she rolls her eyes, like he just lied or at least is fooling himself.
"It doesn't matter."
"You don't know."
"Every time I think I have narrowed it down, another time even earlier comes to mind. So many times that I knew, for a moment and reasoned it away."
"Because you know you can't trust her." Robin supplies.
"I trust Carly with my life, I just couldn't trust her with my heart." His admission is so raw, the regret so thick in his voice that she has no more reason to doubt if he means it.
Robin is quiet.
"Clearly something changed, otherwise you won't be marrying her." She states.
Jason realizes that the time for opening up has ended, now he needs to tread carefully again.
He shrugs.
"She's older now. Wiser. And she trusts me to take the lead."
"Well, I guess Carly finally got what she had always wanted." Robin remarks.
It hurts, knowing that at one time he is all Carly had ever wanted and for a second, he wishes that it was still true before accepting that he killed it, a long time ago.