Chapter 8

It was only two weeks later that my cuts had all healed up completely with Paul's magic paste. I'd done a lot of healing mentally as well. Nathan's loss was barely a blip on my radar. I knew better than most that death was only a temporary separation, and I'd seen firsthand how happy he was to join his family in the Infraworld.

It was Aiden's absence that still affected me the most.

I missed Ryan. We'd been through so much together, but I knew, at this time, it was better for me to be away from all the reminders of my past. Instead, I wrote out a letter, addressing all of my feelings and reasons for leaving the way I did. It felt good to get it all out on paper like that, even if I might be the only person to ever read it.

Other than that, life on the farm was a soothing balm to my frayed nerves. The monotony and relaxed nature did a lot to calm me down. I didn't jump any time a stall door slammed too loud. I didn't look over my shoulder every five seconds. I did wake up in the middle of the night gasping for breath. I still had a long way to go, but I was starting to warm to the idea of going to school. If I recovered enough, maybe it would be a good thing. I could meet people, people that had no idea who I was, people that I wasn't trying to kill or get information from.

My foot caught on a crack in the dirt, nearly causing me to fall. Luckily, my training was still strong, so even as I started to fall, I turned it into a somersault dive, holding my arm out to my side as I completed the tumble. I rested the pail on the ground and kept my grip loose enough that my hand spun on the handle with me so that I didn't have to let it go. And I managed not to spill any of the precious water. I sprang back up to my feet as if nothing had happened, proud of myself.

"Whoa!"

I startled, spinning on my heel too fast. Water sloshed over the sides of the bucket.

Cory was grinning at me. "Go figure. You fall and don't spill a drop, but I scare you, and it sloshes everywhere."

"Well, don't scare me then." I started forward, continuing the very familiar path from the pump to the animal barn to fill the trough.

Cory's footfalls sounded from behind as he two-stepped to catch up with me. He put his arm around my shoulders. "Hey now, you don't have to be mad. I thought it was endearing, yázhí."

I groaned.

"What?"

"You know what? It's been two weeks. Can't you let the nickname go? Even Jay's started calling me it."

"Jay's what now?" a deep voice asked from the corral.

I hadn't realized how close we'd gotten to the barn or how our conversation had carried over to Jay while he worked with the new mustang.

I glanced over to see him leaning against the fence, his forearms propped up on the railing as he watched us.

"Nothing," I said quickly, moving to empty the pail and get away from the near-unstoppable brothers. They were a deadly combination, and they'd been teaming up more and more lately.

The air was slightly cooler inside the stables. I approached the metal trough, noting with slight dismay that I hadn't managed to shake either brother as Cory remained in step with me and Jay's shadow filled the doorway that led out to the corral.

I did my best to ignore them as I tipped the bucket over, listening to the satisfying sound of the water rushing into the container. The animals liked it as well, as they rushed over to lap up the cool water. I swiped my forearm across my head and moved to leave. Cory bumped into me, pushing me to the side a bit where Jay stepped into my way.

"I'm not one of your horses. You two can stop corraling me."

Jay smiled at that, the first full smile I'd seen from him since I told him I couldn't share my past with him. He shook his head at me. "Actually, I was wondering if you would be interested in trying out your magic with the new horse."

"Oh, uh, well, actually, I don't think-"

"Come on," Cory said, pushing me from behind. "It'll be fun. You've done nothing but move water and carry hay."

"But with Ashkii, I think that was a one-time-"

"Nonsense," Jay chided, walking beside us now. "You're a natural. Now, go tame Ashkii."

They shoved me, stumbling forward into the corral.

I frowned in confusion, looking up and expecting to see a familiar white and tan spotted horse with black hair. Instead, I saw an all brown beauty with a stripe of white down the bridge of its nose. "Ashkii?"

"Oh, right," Jay said to my left. I turned to see that Cory and he had jumped out of the pin in my distraction and were propped against the fence to watch. "All of the new stallions are called Ashkii until we have them long enough to see their personality and name them."

I paused, letting that sink in. "Ashkii isn't a real name."

"No," Cory agreed. "It's dineh for 'boy.'"

"So I was calling him boy the whole time." I turned to face the new horse. "So this one's a stallion, too then?"

Jace nodded. "Yeah. We found him yesterday."

I moved carefully forward, feeling my heart in my throat, trying to burst free of my chest. Couldn't animals sense fear or something? I swallowed once, twice, thrice trying to get the feeling of doom to go away. "What's it like, raising mustangs? I mean, mustangs are feral, aren't they? How do you raise them?"

"We work with the BLM-eh, the Bureau of Land Management-on contract. When they tell us there's a surplus of wild horses around, we go out and collect some to train for riding."

"Why would people want mustangs if they're so dangerous?"

Cory answered this time. "Because they're smaller and make great trail animals. They've been all over different types of terrain, so they're more adept. They also keep an eye out for threats and can bond more deeply with their owner. It's part of the reason why-ow!"

I turned away from the horse to see what'd happened. Cory was rubbing his ribs, glaring at Jay who was glaring right back. I frowned. "Ashkii bonded to me, didn't he?"

Jay sighed and looked my way. "Yes, he did."

When he didn't continue, I prompted. "And?"

"And...we had to release him back to the wild."

"Oh." I whipped around, trying to hide my tears. It was irrational, crying over a horse I'd known for a few weeks, but I realized that Ashkii reminded me of Aiden, how Aiden had once ridden him too, by possessing the stallion's body.

My quick movement startled the feral horse who reared back.

"Jodie!"

"Jodie!"

I swan dove to the side to avoid its flailing hooves, but it wasn't done. He charged in my direction, his hooves stamping ominously on the ground. I rolled to the side and kept rolling as the horse chased after. Knowing I'd never be able to outrun a horse, especially not log-rolling on the ground, I rolled back in the horse's direction, ending up underneath its belly. It gave me just enough of a reprieve to get up into a crouch.

I glanced around the pen seeing Jay and Cory. They'd both jumped the fence and were trying to get the horse's attention without getting too close that the horse might harm me on accident. The horse reared up again, and I did another swan dive, this time ending on my feet as I headed towards the brothers.

Jay snagged me up and caught me against his chest before pushing me bodily behind him. "Climb the fence. Get out now."

"What about you guys?" I cried.

Cory spoke soothingly in his tribe's language, making calming motions with his hands.

Jay gave me another push. "Jodie, go. He's not thinking rationally and targeting you. We'll be fine. Just go."

I saw the horse's eyes lock on me, and my overactive imagination painted them a glowing red. What could I do? I hightailed it out of there. I had just started to swing my second leg over the rail when I heard Jay dive out of the way and Cory yell for me to get out.

I didn't even have time to process the command before a titan force slammed against the fence throwing me to the ground. Luckily, my leg hadn't been inside still or it would've been broken.

I looked up at the horse as it paced back and forth, agitated and whinnying loudly. It snorted and sniffed as it kept its eyes locked on me.

"Jodie! Jodie, are you okay?" Jay was beside me, crouched over me on the ground, trying to shake an answer out of me.

Beyond him, I could see Cory had made it out of the pen as well.

"Yeah," my voice wavered, so I tried again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Come on," Jay said, pulling me to my feet and dusting me off. "Let's get you in the shade. Cory, go get her a mug of water?"

"Right." Cory jogged off as Jay helped me over to our lunch spot.

"It's almost lunch anyway," Jay said as if reading my mind.

Sure enough, Paul was stirring something over the fire in a small pot. "Jay, Jodie," he said warmly until he caught a look at our faces. "What's wrong?"

"That new horse." Jay's voice was terse and his movements quick and irritated as he guided me to the upside down milk crate that served as my chair. "I think he's a lot cause. It damn near killed her."

"Here, Jodie." Cory handed me a mug of water.

I looked around at the worried faces as I sipped my water. When I realized they were just watching, I took the cup from my lips. "Guys, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Not even a scratch on me."

Cory snorted as he moved to sit on one of the logs. "No thanks to that stallion. If it wasn't for your moves, you'd've been trampled." He scooped himself a bowl of today's variety of soup and grabbed up a small roll, a special addition to today's midday meal. He took a bite, and even from six feet away, I could see the different grains baked into the dough. He chewed as he studied me. "You going to tell us where you got all your sweet moves?"

I nodded at Paul in thanks as he handed me a bowl. "I dunno. Are you going to stop calling me 'little one?'"

Cory smirked, stopping me in place as he reminded me of Jay so much. "Not hardly," he said with a devilish grin and a twinkle in his eye as he went back to eating. "If I have to suffer being the youngest based on five measley months, you can suffer being the shortest."

We ate in silence for a few minutes. I really enjoyed the rustic bread, crunching into the different grains. It had a salty, sweet flavor that dipped into the broth really well.

Paul was in the middle of dipping his own roll into his broth when he spoke up. "So, school starts in three weeks. I'll probably take Cory over for enrollment sometime next week. Have you thought anymore about going, yázhí?"

That nickname again. I just barely restrained the eyeroll and wince. The boys had certainly gotten their teasing nature from their father. "Uh, yeah. I mean, I have, and I think it could be a good idea. I'm just not sure if I'll be, you know, uh, normal in time for school to start. I'm still dealing with a lot of stuff." I rubbed the back of my neck, hating the awkward stiltedness of my reply. "From my past."

Paul nodded, swirling his bread into his soup. "You mean the PTSD."

I looked up sharply. "How did you know I was in the…"

"Army?" Paul supplied. He shrugged. "Lucky guess."

Cory nearly dropped his bowl of soup. "What? You were in the army? No way!"

I laughed to myself at his enthusiasm. "CIA, actually. Three years of hell."

Jay frowned. "Three years? Jodie, you were only gone for a year. How is that even possible?"

I looked down into my bowl, debating about whether to answer honestly or evade. I hadn't even thought about it when I admitted to being in the CIA. It'd just popped out.

The truth, tell the truth.

"You're assuming that I joined the CIA after I left here."

Jay put his bowl down on the log hard enough to slosh the contents. "You mean you joined before? That's not legal. You would've been fifteen!"

"Fourteen," I corrected gently, my voice quiet as I recalled the day, not long after destroying the first condenser and facing what amounted to hordes of zombies doing so. Jay had been sent to fetch me, and our first meeting had been less than stellar, wrought with grief and anger. "I was fourteen when they came for you."

Jay shook his head in frustration. "Came for you? Jodie, you keep talking in riddles like a crazy elder. Why can't you just give straight answers? You act like you had no choice. The CIA can't just come in and take a child from their parents against their will!"

I hummed to myself. "Can't they?"

Jay hesitated before he leaned forward, his elbows propped on his knees. "What makes you so special? Why would the CIA single you out?"

I stared at him, but in the end, I decided not to answer. Cory's thoughts on getting me to open up willingly had shown me that I didn't want to have the answers forced out of me. I got to my feet. "Thanks for lunch, Paul. The rolls were great."

I headed off to get some hay from the loft.