Bella POV

The sound of my phone ringing woke me. At first I felt dizzy and confused but my fingers automatically reached for the device on my nightstand and I pressed the green button without looking.

„Hello?" I yawned heavily. I felt so tired…

„Bella?" It was Alice and she sounded at the same time frightened and worried. I was awake within seconds.

„What happened?!"

„Bella, it's Jacob. I think he's in trouble."

„What?" I was already up and halfway down the stairs, my mobile phone pressed tightly to my ears. I didn't even hear Charlie calling after me. „Where is he?"

„He came to our house earlier. Just sat there and watched until Edward got out to meet him. They vanished into the woods. That was half an hour ago and neither of them has come back since."

I pressed the button for the speaker and threw my phone on the seat next to me. My truck ignited and with screeching tires I went up to the Cullens house.

„Emmet and Carlisle are already in the woods looking but haven't found them yet."

„Edward's here?" My voice sounded as confused as I was feeling. A thousand emotions came tumbling at me at once, a thousand thoughts and memories and questions but I had no time to think them through. I simply knew I had to get to Jacob before anything serious happened.

„Didn't Jacob Tell you? He came here during the battle and stayed ever since."

So, his visit in my hospital room hadn't been a nightmare after all…

I finished the drive to the Cullen's mansion in record time and got out without turning the engine off. Alice came out as soon as she saw my truck, Esme at her side.

„Did they find them yet?"

Alice shook her head. „We're still waiting for an update."

I ran my hand through my hair. This was all too much for me. First the photos then this… „I found some photos earlier. The ones from the party. And the CD Edward made for me. Jake came by, he must have seen them."

Oh God…

„What if he came up here to drive him off?"

Esme sensed my distress. Like a mother, she came forward and took me in a cold embrace. I didn't care about the lack of heat. Actually, the touch of her cool skin helped me to calm down a little. „Esme, I'm so scared…" I admitted, burying my face in my hands.

„I know" she said in a soothing voice. „Don't worry, we'll find them. Everything's gonna be alright."

I don't think so… No matter what happened, it will turn out bad, for everyone. And it's all my fault. Because I was too weak to just throw away these damn photos and the CD!

Another agonizing ten minutes later, Emmet came running out of the woods. His skin was smeared with dirt and his cap missing. „We found them."

Three pair of eyes looked at him with worry, but it was Esme he was talking to, avoiding me. „It's bad."

The spot was not too far away but I was nonetheless out of breath when we arrived there. Long before we saw them, we could hear the growling and the hissing, the slashing and tearing, the stones bursting, the trees snapping.

Emmet held me close behind him. All three of them would have liked for me to stay behind, since there was a serious risk for me there but there was no way, I was hiding like a coward when two men, one which I had loved and one which I loved now, were fighting because of me.

When we finally got there, I felt like my heart would stop beating. It was like I was in my nightmare again, Edward and Jacob fighting. But this time it wasn't Edward or Jacob.

It was a werewolf and a vampire, two monsters, mortal enemies who would only stop when one of them was dead.

I didn't realize I was screaming their names until Alice grabbed my arm and yanked me back hard. „Bella, you have to stop! They are not themselves. They will hurt you, both of them if they notice you."

„But…" I tried to protest but Esme put one arm on my shoulder.

„Bella no. There is nothing you can do here. Emmet and Carlisle will stop them. You should leave, please before something serious happens."

Something serious is already happening!

„No! I can't. Please, if they see me, maybe they'll stop. It's because of me they're fighting. Please, let me stay."

Behind us, Jake whimpered, and tears were beginning to stream down my face. I was nearly beyond reasoning now.

„Bella, no…"

I turned and looked towards where Jake and Edward were still fighting. I saw Emmet and Carlisle standing outside of the circle, waiting for an opportunity to step in. Until now, nothing has come up.

„Please…" I sobbed. „They will stop, I know it. I know you only want to protect me, but this is something I have to do. Please, Esme, let me go!"

My knees were giving up beneath me and hadn't it been for Alice holding me I would have collapsed. „Please, please, please, please." With each sob I pleaded and pleaded and pleaded and pleaded and pleaded…

„It could work" Alice suggested after some time.

Her mother didn't look convinced. „I don't know…"

Sensing their walls cracking, I pleaded once more. „Please! They're killing each other! It won't stop until they see me! Please, let me go."

Esme sighed and finally gave in. „Alright, but all of us will stay at your side and the moment the danger becomes too great, you will retreat and let us handle this, is that understood?"

I nodded eagerly. I would have agreed to everything if it meant I could finally get to Jacob and Edward.

Alice called for her brother and father and, once they came, informed them of our plan. They too didn't like it but when they saw my pleading, tear-streamed face they nodded.

They surrounded my like bodyguards, leaving only my front open. All of them were tense, ready to get me back and attack.

The sight of the two monsters was horrible. The wolf had several cuts and wounds as was breathing heavily while the vampire had blood dripping from his mouth and hands. His eyes were no longer golden and gentle but a deep black.

At the moment the vampire was lying down on the earth, hissing menacingly while the wolf hovered above him, gnarling with bared teeth.

„Jacob?" I asked softly, approaching step by step. The wolf didn't even look at me, his focus still on the vampire under his feet.

„Jake? Please, look at me."

Still no reaction.

„Bella, it's not working. You should go back" Carlisle hissed in my direction but I shook my head. I had one hand outstretched, standing only a few feet away from the wolf.

„Jacob? It's me, Bella." I saw his eyes darting shortly in my direction but there was sign of recognition.

„Edward?" I tried with the vampire instead. He too, looked at me for a second before turning back to his enemy.

„Jacob, Edward, you have to stop. Please! By hurting each other you hurt me. And you promised to never hurt me, both of you. Please!"

I continued to speak while I approached further, my bodyguards always at my side. I was so close I could feel the heat radiating from the wolf's body. It collided with the coldness of the vampire. Heat vs cold, werewolf vs vampire, old vs new. Where would it end?

„Please. Stop. You don't have to fight. I don't want you to fight. If you love me, truly love me, you have to stop. For me."

Again, both heads turned in my direction. I thought I saw a glimpse of Edward and of Jacob in them, but I wasn't sure. At least they were no longer fighting.

„Bella, I think it's working. Keep talking." Alice whispered and I nodded.

„Please. I love you. Please, stop fighting and come back to me."

There!

Another glimpse of recognition, stronger and longer. Did it work?

I tried to approach again until my hands could reach the Wolf's fur. I took some of it into my hand. „Please, Jacob, stop. I love you."

The wolf whimpered. Unsure what to do, he looked from the vampire beneath him to me. The vampire too had his gaze firmly locked onto me. I could feel his eyes burning my face, but I didn't look to him. I focused solely on Jacob.

And that did it. Feeling that my focus was not on him; that I cared about the werewolf more than him, he hissed and put his whole strength together to throw himself one last time against his enemy.

My bodyguards reacted at once. Alice grabbed me by the wrist and drew me back hard while Carlisle and Esme held Edward. Emmet tried the same with Jacob, later helped by Alice who had put me safely out of reach of the two monsters.

I was screaming their names again, Edward, Jacob but they were both too far gone to hear me. Their animal sides had taken over and this time there truly was nothing I could do anymore.

I had to watch helplessly as Esme and Carlisle took down their son, pressing him to the ground, talking to him to bring him back.

Emmet had his hands firmly linked around Jacob's throat, choking him until he whimpered and lay down too, too weak by his lack of air and the blood loss to fight anymore.

I was a mess by now. Hair wild, eyes red, body curled into a small ball, sobbing helplessly.

I felt all strength deserting my body. And my life too. Seeing this fight, these two monsters, had been too much. For such a long time I had lived in their world, convincing myself that it was alright, that they weren't monsters. They were Edward and Jacob and they loved me and would never hurt me. Today I had seen what would be if they lost control.

Strangely, I wasn't afraid of them. I was afraid for them. I knew what the cause for their fight had been: me.

I was the poison, I was the threat.

It was me, only me.

As I watched the two creatures slowly turn back human, I felt… nothing. There was nothing left in me.

With their focus on Edward and Jacob the rest of the Cullens didn't see me standing up and walking away. No one stopped me as I made my way to my truck which was strangely still running standing on front of the Cullens house. My phone was still on the right seat, still connected to Alice' phone.

When I disconnected the line, I saw five missed calls from Charlie.

I did the only thing I could do.

I called him back.

„Bella? Where are you? I've been worried sick about you. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

„Dad? Can you please come and get me?"

Three weeks later

My phone didn't ring anymore.

Not because they didn't try but because I'd switched it off after the first two days of declined calls and unread, deleted messages.

I didn't want to speak to any of them anymore.

I had finally realized I didn't belong in their world and I had decided to cut every single tie that connected me to them. I had thrown away the photographs, the CD and even the small dreamcatcher Jake had given me for my eighteenth birthday. Nothing should ever remind me of them anymore.

Charlie had been really helpful, too. Without asking too many questions, he had come and gotten me at this last evening, a sobbing ball bare of any emotions.

I had asked him not to let Jacob or any of the Cullens see me or deliver messages via phone. Again, he had obliged without going too much into it. I had heard him countless times opening the front door and telling whoever was standing outside that I wasn't at home, busy with schoolwork or tired. The same went for the phone.

It must have been striking him as odd, that after my intense love affair with Jacob I was denying him so completely, but he had been through this before with me and maybe he was used to it somehow.

I went back to school and worked hard to get my grades up again and continue my friendship with Angela and the rest. I even met them outside of school for a few times, going to the movies or eating pizza. Only when they went down to LaPush, the reservation where Jacob lived, I had faked a headache and stayed home.

It wasn't really a life, but I tried. Without either Jacob or Edward and his family, everything seemed so… normal.

So much stuff had been going on in my life the last year, living in the world of vampires and werewolves that I had completely forgotten that there was another life too. The life thousands of teens all over the world lived, a life where you worried about good grades, colleges and prom and not about evil vampires that tried to kill you.

Edward and his siblings didn't turn up at my school nor did Jacob. I was very grateful for that. I didn't know what seeing them would stir up on me. I didn't feel much anymore but still…

I was out shopping with Angela one Tuesday after school when we ran into Mike and Eric who were coming out of a pizza place and seemed really happy to see us. Eric had one hand immediately slung around Angela's shoulder whereas Mike walked at my side.

„How are you Bella?" he asked happily. „We've missed you all, you know? You've been so absent lately, missing so many school days and not very chatty when you were at school."

I made a face. „I know. It's just a lot of stuff going on in my life but that's better now."

Mike grinned. „Anyway, I'm really happy to see you." He slung one arm playfully around my shoulder and even though I wasn't feeling very good about that I let it slip. After my previous disastrous relationships, I wasn't ready for anything in the near future, but Mike was a friend after all, and it felt good to be around normal people for once.

„Eric and I wanted to go to this new, fancy ice-cream parlour. Wanna join? I've heard they have all these strange flavours like bubble gum and slushee and the like."

I looked towards Angela who was heavily flirting with Eric and didn't seem to let go of him anytime soon. So, I gave in and nodded. „I'm surprised you guys are hungry after eating pizza. I'd be stuffed."

„Yeah, That's us" He playfully patted his flat stomach. „Always room for a little more."

The walk to the parlour was short and when we arrived it was already crowded. We decided that the guys would go to the counter and order while we girls would secure us a table.

„Anything specific you want?" Mike asked with a smile on his face.

I shrugged. „Surprise me."

Mike grinned and they were off while we looked around for a place to sit.

We found a small table in the corner and sat down.

„Mike's a really nice guy, don't you think?" Angela asked and I rolled my eyes internally. I knew exactly what she was implying, and I didn't like it.

„Yeah, he is a really good friend. But what about you and Eric? You two seem really serious."

Luckily Angela took the bait and began to talk animously about Eric and how he had asked her to prom, and she was struggling to find the right dress. „You have to come and help me one day. Maybe you can help me choose."

„Choose what?"

Eric and Mike had come back, placing two big cups with ice cream in front of us. I looked suspiciously at the bright green and pink ice cream balls before me, heavily sprinkled with rainbow-coloured sprinkles and a bright red sauce.

„What's that?"

„Pink's bubble gum and the green one summer grass she said. I liked the colours" Mike shrugged and handed me a spoon.

„What's summer grass supposed to taste like? Cow food?" Nonetheless I decided to be brave and dug a spoon in the cold food.

Mike sat beside me in the (really small) bench, taking the opportunity to put one arm around my shoulder again while he ate with the other hand. „And?" he teased me.

I chewed slowly. „Actually, it tastes good. Strange but good. Kinda sweet."

I eyed Mike's cup which contained something yellow and brown. „And what did you take?"

„Chocolate and vanilla. I'm not the one to try new things."

The look I gave him made everyone at the table laugh so loud that people from nearby tables gave us a surprised look.

We talked and we ate. I tasted Mike's ice cream and made him eat a spoonful of summer grass and we all laughed when Eric got a huge load full of blue cream on his new white shirt.

It was normal and plain, and it was so, so good.

Afterwards we made our way back to our cars. Eric and Mike wanted to invite us to a movie, but Angela was tired, and I had promised Charlie to be home before dark and so we went our separate ways. Before we parted, Eric gave Angela a sweet kiss on the cheek but when Mike tried the same with me, I acted like I hadn't noticed and quickly turned sideways, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I didn't see if Mike were disappointed or not because he still smiled at me and said he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow at school.

We had taken my truck to the city because Angela didn't own one and her parents needed theirs. On our way back, Angela shot me a sideways look.

„You know he likes you."

I sighed. „Yeah, I know but I'm not in the mood for anything real right now. I just got out of a relationship, I don't want to jump right into the next one."

Angela sighed. „Just sayin'. Prom's in a few weeks."

„I don't know if I'll go. Like I said, anything romantic is not my way at the moment."

The rest of the drive we chatted about school and some mean teachers and when I dropped Angela off at her place, I felt like I had really enjoyed the afternoon. I felt relaxed and good and even hummed a little while I drove to my house.

Only there I realized I had been humming Jacob's song and I quickly stopped before I would burst into tears again.

Once I was inside, I called: „I'm home"

„Hey there!" Charlie called out from the living room. „You've got mail, it's on the table."

I frowned. Mail? Since when did I get letters?

I checked and indeed there was a white envelope sitting on the table, clearly addressed to Isabella Swan.

I didn't recognize the handwriting and took the envelope upstairs with me. Sitting on my bed, I carefully tore the envelope open. Inside were a few loose sheets of paper, neatly covered in a fine handwriting.

Something inside warned me not to read the letter.

Just throw it away and be done with it.

But my curiosity got the best of me and I started to read.

Dear Bella,

I know you don't want to talk to me, and I understand why. So, I write this letter in the hope that it will reach you and you won't throw it away immediately.

I want to start by saying how sorry I am for everything.

I've done so many things to hurt by and yet I promised to do exactly the opposite.

I loved you once and I still love you and my only wish is for you to be happy.

I thought the only way of achieving this was by leaving you. I wanted to give you the chance to live real life, a life without monsters and constant fear.

I only realized afterwards how utterly wrong I was.

I came back, hoping it was not too late. I wanted to make up for everything and beg you to take me back.

But once I came back, I saw that you had done the exact same thing I hoped you would do. You moved on, lived a normal life full of happiness and love.

Fool that I was, I thought I would still have a chance of winning you back.

I wanted to talk to you and explain everything, but I didn't get the chance. I know now why he wouldn't let me talk to you because I would have done the exact same thing if it were me by your side and not him.

At that time though, all I saw was this barrier, preventing me from seeing you.

There is no excuse for what I did.

I let the monster loose and didn't realize that it would only drive you away further from me.

I hurt you again like so many times before.

I know that you will never forgive me and I'm not asking for it. Because there is no forgiveness for what I've done.

All I want is to explain, tell you why I did what I did in hope that you understand even if you'll never forgive me.

I can't forgive myself so why would you?

I'll go and let you live your life and this time, I won't come back. I know that I will never have you at my side so there is nothing to hold me here anymore.

I love you Bella and always will. I wish you all the best in the world because you, like no one else, deserve it.

Always yours,

E.

When I was finished reading the letter, I read it again and then again. Each time I discovered something new, some new meaning.

After reading it a fourth time, I could finally put it down and think.

Why did he write me this letter? He said he only wanted to explain his actions but was this really the only reason? I couldn't shake the feeling that he wanted to give one last shot at winning me back. Saying all these things about how sorry he was and that he loved me still and that there was no excuse for what he did.

And there wasn't. This time, there wasn't. For any of them.

I carefully folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Instead of throwing it away like I had first intended, I put the letter inside of a book on my nightstand.

I let me fall back on the bed, looking at the ceiling.

Why? Why did this have to happen?

I thought of Mike and how easy my life would be if I could simply develop feelings for him and get him as my boyfriend. We would go to prom together and maybe would continue our relationship after we've both gone to college. It would be simple and normal and plain and, I realized, boring.

Had all the excitement of the last year damaged me so much that I couldn't live a normal life anymore? The life of any eighteen-year-old teenager?

„Damn it!" I suddenly cried out loud. „Damn all this! Damn vampires and damn werewolves and especially damn Edward and damn Jacob! Why is everything so damn complicated? Why can't I live a normal life?"

I wished I'd never come to Forks at all and immediately regretted this wish. Living with Charlie had been easy so far and I liked my new friends at school. I just wished I never talked to Edward or Jake in the first place.

Out of a whim, I went down to the landline and dialled his number, which I thankfully knew by heart.

„Hello?"

„Hi! It's me, Bella. Say, do you want to go to the movies tomorrow? There's this new film playing I wanted to see and I don't think that Angela or Jessica would like it."

„Really? I'd love to."

„It's a date then. We'll talk more on school tomorrow, alright?"

„Of course. And Bella? I'm glad you asked me."

„See you tomorrow then."

I ended the call and threw the phone back on my mattress. Looking at the small device I didn't know if I should feel happy or just extremely sad.

We'd agreed to meet in front of the cinema for the early evening show. I'd picked a comedy movie because I wasn't in the mood for something romantic and an action movie reminded me too much of the one disastrous evening I'd been to the movies with Jake and Mike.

Mike paid for the tickets, so I insisted to pay for our drinks and a big bucket of popcorn.

The movie was very predictable but quite funny and even though he didn't try to take my hand or put his arm around my shoulder, our hands touched a few times we both reached for the popcorn. I forced myself not to draw back, constantly reminding myself that this was what I wanted, a normal and healthy relationship with a normal guy. After all, Mike was funny and easy to talk to and he looked good, too. Not otherworldly perfect like Edward or huge and beautiful like Jacob but nice in a normal, simple way with his blond hair and blue eyes and these slightly curved lips.

After the movie ended Mike suggested going somewhere to eat and I agreed. Although I wasn't very hungry due to the popcorn and the drinks, I didn't want to go home yet. Going to the movies and getting something to eat afterwards was something normal people did and so I wanted to do it, too.

Eating with Edward had always been a one-sided thing and I'd never been on a real date with Jacob, always hanging around my house or his house or the reservation. The closest thing we ever had to a date was the day we'd been at the beach but even then, his brothers had been there, and it had ended, as usual, not very well.

We went to a well-known burger place. I ordered the Veggie-Burger while Mike opted for a simple cheeseburger with extra cheese. We also ordered a large portion of fries to share and two cokes.

While we waited, Mike began to ask questions, how my life had been with my mom, if I missed her very much and how it was like living with the Chief of Police.

„Actually rather boring." I shrugged. „He never talks about his cases at home and most of the time he watches ports on TV or goes out fishing."

„So no playing P.I to a case where he can't find the suspect?" Mike teased me and I laughed. „Life's not a TV show, you know?"

Our fries arrived, greasy and steaming. Grinning, Mike took one and offered it to me. I rolled my eyes but decided to take the fry, reminding myself once more that this was something completely normal when you were on a date. But when I reached out with my hand to take the fry, Mike shook his head and held up his forefinger.

I frowned. Where was he getting with this? Again, he held out the fry, closer to my face and I understood. For a moment I hesitated, biting my lip before I did what he wanted me to do. I leaned forward and, with a forced smile on my face, took the offered fry with my mouth.

Mike grinned and clapped his hands in playful admiration.

Another two fries disappeared in the same manner before fate rescued me by letting the waitress appear with our burgers.

„Now I know why you are so thin and pale" Mike said after two bites. „You lack meat, Bella. Always this healthy and green food, this can't be good for you in the long run."

„Better than eating the flesh of something that has once been alive" I shot back.

„Hunters law, Baby. Weaker ones get eaten by the stronger ones. That's the circle of life."

„I'll stay with the healthy food nonetheless, thank you very much."

The rest of the evening went by in a similar pleasant way. We finished our burgers and fries (just for fun I fed Mike just like he had me) and then walked back to our cars. The evening air was warm and smelling of summer and we were both in no hurry to get back home. I had warned Charlie in advance that I would probably be home a little later and he had let me even though it was a school day. Maybe he liked the idea of me going out with friends from school and not only Jake or Edward.

We decided to walk alongside the waterfront. About halfway back, Mike suddenly took my hand in his. His skin felt warm against mine. Not hot and not cold, just warm. Human warm.

I was so tempted to draw back, especially when he started to stroke my hand with his thumb but in the end I didn't.

„What are you thinking about?" Mike asked after a while.

„Nothing" I replied a little too hastily.

He looked like he didn't believe me but didn't question my answer. „It's been a nice evening."

„Yeah, for me too."

„Maybe we can do something like that again?" His puppy eyes were full of hope and I sighed. I couldn't disappoint him even if I wasn't really interested in another date. I know it was unfair to let things go on if I didn't feel the same way about him that he felt about me, but I didn't have the energy to say no again. Instead, I smiled. „Yes, why not?"

„So, can I call you?"

„Mike, we have almost every class together, why don't we talk at school?"

„I don't know. It makes things more special if you say Can I call you instead of Let's talk at school."

At this I laughed. „You're right, it does sound different."

We've arrived at the spot where I'd parked my car earlier. Mike didn't let go of my hand right away but instead used his grip to bring me a little closer to his side.

Oh no…

„Mike I…" This time I really had to stop this. It was one thing to let him hold my hand when I wasn't sure about my feelings for him but let him kiss me would take things too far.

He drew back. „I know, too soon right?"

I smiled half-heartedly. „Something like that, yes. I'm sorry…"

„Don't be Bella. I had a real nice evening and you agreed to see me again, that's more than enough for me." His kind words and his understanding were almost too much. I swallowed hard but my eyes were nonetheless shining with unshed tears. Of course, he noticed that.

Putting a hand on my cheek, he smiled softly. „Don't worry Bella, we don't have to rush anything. We can take things as slow as you need. I can be a very patient guy."

We don't have to rush anything. We can take things at your own speed

Again, I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. „Thank you…"

„You're welcome. So, see you tomorrow?"

I nodded. „Yes." With one last smile he let go of my hand and stepped back to let me get in my truck. Mike waved goodbye when I started the engine and pulled out of the parking spot.

I waved back and then he was out of sight and I on my way home.