Jacob POV

I watched silently from my place in the shadows as Bella pulled out and drove home. The blond guy she had been spending all evening with looked after her until she was out of sight and then turned, supposedly to go back to his own car.

It hadn't been my intention to follow her. I had headed into town because my father needed some ingredients for his teas and since I'd had no other plans I agreed to go.

The store was close to the cinema and just as I had come out with the package in my hand Bella had come out as well. She was laughing and talking to this strange guy and just out of curiosity I had decided to follow her.

I hadn't seen Bella in three weeks and the pure sight of her made my throat go dry and my heart beat faster.

Oh, how often I had tried to speak to her since that night but every time I'd called her or gone to her house, Charlie had found an excuse to turn me away. After almost two weeks he had taken me aside, put a hand on my shoulder and said: " Look son, I don't know what happened between you two and honestly, I don't want to know. But she doesn't want to talk to you anymore and I don't think that will change. I'm sorry."

After that, I had stopped trying to reach her. But I didn't stop seeing her. I had spent so many nights roaming around in the woods around her house, looking at her window, wondering what she was up to. My heart had ached with the need to see her and my wolf had angrily torn at the leash I had been putting on him.

I had let him go once and he had ruined all the happiness in my life. I had vowed to never let that happen again, even though this vow came too late.

Bella had gone into a burger restaurant and I had watched helplessly while she and the guy shared a plate of fries. He had fed her, the way a lover would do, and, in the end, she had done the same to him. At this moment I should have left, holding on to the last bit of sanity I had left. But I couldn't. Like a masochist, I had watched everything till the very end, from their walk along the waterfront to their almost-kiss. At least she had turned him down there, but I could only hope that it was because of me. Because she still had feelings for me and didn't want to betray her heart.

Yeah, as if...

I'd come back from what had seemed like a nightmare. Later I couldn't recall everything. My memory had stopped the minute my wolf had turned loose, and I attacked the bloodsucker. Only when my wounds and Emmet's grip had forced my wolf to surrender had I been able to think clearly and realize what I'd done.

Phased back I had to listen with growing horror what had happened. What I'd done. I had immediately tried to reach Bella, but her truck wasn't at the vampires' place anymore and by the time I'd gotten to her house the lights were already out, every window and door slammed shut.

I'd felt like I'd go insane. I desperately needed to talk to her, explain everything but didn't get the chance to. Charlie stood like a strong barrier between me, and my Bella and I knew how the bloodsucker must have been feeling everything I denied him access to my Bella.

No, not my Bella, not anymore.

And most probably never again.

It was easy to put all the blame on the bloodsucker, too easy and at first, I'd taken this easy road. I'd felt so angry and the only thing I could think of was ripping his throat out and make him pay for everything he had done to me, to her, to us.

Sometimes during the second week I had realized that it was this exact attitude that had cost me Bella's love.

Giving in to my anger, let the monster loose.

I'd thought a lot about everything that had happened, and this didn't include just this last evening. I'd thought about my whole relationship with Bella, from the moment I've met her delivering my dad's old truck until this last day where I'd held her after she'd found the pictures. I'd come to a lot of conclusions.

The third week I'd tried to come up with a plan to win her back, make her love me again. Then I saw her with that new guy and all my plans and hopes had vanished like a snowball in the desert.

Apparently she'd moved on, this time with a normal guy and not a monster. I couldn't blame her. She'd been trying so hard to fit into this strange other-world where she didn't belong. She wasn't a monster but a woman, a normal and absolute perfect human and she should live a human life. She shouldn't have to worry what would be if an argument between herself and her boyfriend got out of hand. Or if an ex-vampire boyfriend tried to sneak back in her life.

I know I should have told her about him, and I spent many hours thinking about the reason why I hadn't.

Jealousy and anger seemed the most obvious but the more I thought about it, a third emotion had come up: Fear. Fear of losing her again to this bloodsucker, fear of being alone again, fear of losing my human side to my wolf without her at my side.

I needed to talk to her, just one last time but how? I wanted to fight for her because I didn't want to believe that this was the end. What we had couldn't just vanish like that because of one stupid mistake. I knew she was angry at me and it would take years for her to forgive me but in end she would, right?

Thoughtfully I made my way home. I'd borrowed a neighbour's cars for the way to town and back. It would have of course been easier and quicker to phase and manage the way as a wolf but since that night I didn't phase anymore.

Maybe it was a kind of punishment for me and the wolf, maybe it was because of the fear what would happen if I let him loose once again or maybe I simply didn't want to hear their voices again in my head because I was too ashamed to admit what I'd done. They must have seen glimpses of it during the fight because as soon as I was home after the whole thing, all of them were waiting outside, asking me questions I didn't know the answer to. In the end I had to shout at them to leave me alone and, though reluctantly, they did.

This had been three weeks ago, and I hadn't spoken to any of them since. They had tried of course but each time I sensed them coming, I had gone out, disappearing into the woods. Even Sam had come once, and he was the only one I thought about talking to. After all, he had lost control once too and hurt his fiancée Emily and I knew this haunted him still. But she had stayed with him. Bella hadn't.

I spent many days wandering around the beach, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs or the shore. Sometimes I felt the presence of other wolves, but I never saw any of them. They seemed to have finally gotten the message.

My way brought me past Bella's house. Her truck was standing in the driveway, the light in her bedroom lit.

Oh Bells… I'm so sorry…