A/N: Just a quick thanks for reading and commenting and following along on this crazy ride :)
Elliot's eyes are glued to the envelope. He can't bear the thought of looking at Liv, of seeing her reaction to this turn of events. His eyes draw reluctantly to Wheatley's grin, the mobster's gaze pinned menacingly on Elliot. It doesn't matter that the madman has already read it, already knows the depths of Elliot's heart. His stomach roiling at the thought of hearing the words again, of seeing exactly what Liv thinks.
When he'd handed the letter to her, it had felt right, safe. Like it was ok to pour his heart out, reveal far more than he'd ever done before. Knowing it still wasn't every word, every feeling, just enough so she'd understand. But the more he's thought about it, the more it feels like it was too much, too far. And maybe that's ok for Olivia. Ok to cut himself open for her, some offering for all the wrongs he's done. But for Wheatley to read those words, to have to discuss them, even with Olivia, makes him want to run for the hills.
Slowly, so carefully, Wheatley opens the lip of the envelope. Gently, he draws the paper from inside. Placing the envelope in Olivia's lap, he peels the folds apart, treating the paper like a precious artifact.
He takes a deep breath, then his eyes suddenly flit to Olivia. "Gosh, you know I get too excited. Really, as always, getting ahead of myself."
As he stares at Liv, Elliot reluctantly shifts his gaze to her. They still haven't said a word to each other. In fact, they've barely spoken. It's been the Richard Wheatley show for the entirety of his stay, so far.
Now, feeling his eyes on her, Liv's gaze moves towards him. Under the watchful eye of Wheatley, they do that thing they always did so well. He sees the nerves on her face, the apology in her eyes that they're here now and he looks back, communicating his assurance, his own apology for all of it and he watches just a little of the tension ease out of her.
They're still holding each other's gazes when Wheatley interrupts, voice low. "Wow, this is that thing everyone talks about, huh?" He sounds fascinated and Elliot watches Olivia's eyes drop away from Wheatley's intrusion. "Ya know, that's exactly what made Morales wonder about you two. He said you had this...connection. So very obvious to everyone who shared a room with you. When he mentioned that, well, I really needed to know more. And then there was so much to be discovered. The psych evals alone…." He glances between the two of them, "Well, you were there, you know."
Olivia looks up at Wheatley then and Elliot can see the play of boredom across her face. He bites the side of his cheek, the sharp, happy memory of their days together in interrogation a strange juxtaposition to where they were now.
Wheatley looks at her for a long moment. "Yes, you're right, of course Captain. We should move this along, yes? Cut to the chase? You seem like a woman who is fond of getting directly to the point and here I am beating mercilessly around the bush." He gives her a simpering smile and then flourishes the letter in his hand before he holds it primly between his fingers and focuses his eyes on the paper.
"Dear Olivia...I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you. Maybe you have no interest in hearing this after all this time, but you still deserve to know. You were always an incredible cop, the best I've ever known. And more than that, you're the best person I've ever known, tenacious, full of love. I've always admired the way you fight for everyone, for justice. But to hear you've made captain, to know you continue to work so hard for survivors, I feel lucky I ever got to call you my partner, my friend."
"Ugh," Wheatley pauses, "I'd already forgotten how boring this beginning part is. Blah blah blah."
He continues reading anyways, his tone belying his boredom.
"When I think back to the time we spent together, I wonder if I'm making it more than it was. Because in hindsight it always felt so easy. We just clicked, from that first case. You made me look forward to work, no matter how difficult the job. I knew I could trust you, not just to have my back, but to be there in every conceivable way. To understand me. To support me. And I often think it would still be the same now, even though I haven't seen you in so long."
"Oh, this is when it starts to get good." Wheatley seems to be saying it to himself.
"I know I owe you a thousand apologies for that, and it still won't be enough. Because you did so much for me, and I didn't do the same in return. But I'll start by apologizing for not saying goodbye. I know it wasn't fair, but I needed to move on and you were the reason I most needed to do so and the hardest part of walking away. I couldn't look you in the eye and tell you I was leaving. I couldn't explain why, even though I think you know. It was more than shooting Jenna Fox. It was years of a partnership that had become more important than any other relationship in my life. And that wasn't fair to you or to Kathy. I knew if I had talked to you, I wouldn't have gone. I never would have left. But I had to make a choice."
"I'll say it again, weak….just weak." Wheatley turns to Elliot who shifts uncomfortably in his chair but doesn't return the man's gaze.
"I feared that if I didn't leave then, I would do the wrong thing. That I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I would cross a line that was set and I couldn't allow that to happen. I couldn't let you down by being the type of person who would cross that line. But then I did let you down by being the type of person that left."
"Girl! What?!" Richard laughs, eyes nearly bulging as he seems to reread the words to himself. "Is he saying he would have jumped your bones?!" Wheatley laughs again, not bothering to look at either Olivia or Elliot and continues.
"In the end, I'm not sure it mattered. I know I abandoned you. And yet, I never really left you behind. You were always there. I know now you always will be."
"Oh, Elliot…" Wheatley shakes his head at Elliot in mock pity. "Did you really think abandoning your partner was the right thing?" He turns back to Olivia, "But damn...always with him, huh?"
"I can't imagine I ever successfully hid my feelings from you. They were there from day one. I felt them in every look I gave you, no matter how hard I tried to shield you from it. Because I knew it wasn't right. I knew I could never have you."
"Damn, he just went there, didn't he." Wheatley exhales and plows on.
"I often tell myself that you always knew all of it, everything I didn't say. But maybe you didn't. Or maybe my leaving, the way I did it, made you doubt it. I hope you did know. I hope you are aware of the strength and depth of those feelings and I hope you are certain of everything. I hope you realize that you deserve better than me, always did. I hope you know that my failures were not yours."
"Oooh! You really never fucked him?! I mean I'm like a Kinsey 1 and I still would have if he wrote me this letter." Richard batts his lashes at Elliot who just stares blankly back.
"I actually keep wondering if you two already did the dirty. I mean half the rumor mill thinks you were sleeping together a long time ago." His gaze swings from Elliot's blank face to Olivia's averted gaze and he shrugs and continues.
"I should end this letter before I admit too much. I think I've already done so and I know it's not fair to lay this all at your feet, so many years later. I just hope one day you can forgive me for all my shortcomings, all the ways I let you down. Even though I don't deserve your forgiveness. I hope you're happy. I hope you have all the love you always deserved. Yours Always, Elliot."
"To think," Wheatley muses to the room. "He wrote this before his wife died. Wonder what he'd say now…"
Richard sighs, his eyes glancing once more over the paper before he gently refolds it, takes the envelope from Olivia's lap and places the pages back.
He plays with the edges of the envelope, savoring the quiet contemplation of all the letter revealed and finally he lifts his gaze to Elliot. He's staring at Olivia, as if trying to will her to return his gaze. Instead she's staring at her lap, the spot where the envelope sat during the reading. The same spot she's been staring at since Wheatley began reading, refusing to meet his gaze as he pored over the contents of the letter.
Wheatley shifts his gaze to Olivia, a smug smile on his face. "How did it feel, when he abandoned you?" He presses a hand against the headboard behind her, leans in as if this is his favorite soap opera, and it's just getting to the best part.
Olivia lifts her stony gaze, scowls at him, no intention to share anything so personal with the man and he shakes his head. "You might as well be honest with me Olivia. Certainly easier than being honest with him, isn't it?"
She holds his gaze for a long moment and he asks again, "How did it feel?"
"You want me to tell you how much it hurt? Is that what you're looking for?" Olivia's voice is a low whisper that carries over to Elliot, burning like acid. "How I kept waiting for a phone call, a knock on my door? How it took me over a year to accept that it wasn't coming? That he wasn't coming back?"
Wheatley watches her, eyes rounded, eager anticipation for more.
Elliot watches her, pain churning his gut as a single tear falls from her eye.
"You want me to hurt him by telling you all about it? Because really, did I ever stop hoping that the phone call would come? That'd he be there when I needed him?"
"But he wasn't there…" Wheatley responds in a hush.
"No, he wasn't." The anger is potent in her voice, though she continues to talk softly.
"Do you hate him for it?"
Elliot sits transfixed, staring at Olivia as he waits. Her eyes slip closed and then there's a hushed "Yes."
"He was your whole world, and then he was gone." Wheatley whispers. And Elliot doesn't know if she's playing along or if it's real, but she answers with a small nod, eyes still closed.
"But it's a thin line between love and hate." Wheatley whispers and Olivia flinches, her eyes still closed.
"He kept it, ya know? All those voicemails you left him when he ran away. Still listens to them."
Her eyes snap open and Elliot sees the flicker in her face, her body. How she desperately wants to look to him for confirmation, but holds herself still instead.
"God, I really am a sucker for a tragic romance. Almost makes me want to give you two another chance. I mean here we are, so close and it slips through your fingers again." He sighs dramatically. "Buuuut, if I gave you another chance, it wouldn't be so tragic." He shrugs.
Wheatley sits back slightly, seeming to regain his composure. And Elliot wonders if he really was so taken.
"Is that why you haven't told him yet?" His voice is louder now, sharper. "About the worst of what he missed. The worst that he didn't protect you from?"
Olivia seems steadier now too and she studies him a moment before responding. "I'm surprised you didn't tell him. Since you're so keen on hurting him."
Richard smiles slowly, "Ah, how well you know me, Captain. Although, I do think it would be more fun if he heard it from you."