He spends the next week on her couch, taking care of her, helping with Noah. He goes back to work during the day, so there aren't as many opportunities to talk.
Between the investigation and IAB and her recovery, they ignore the rest of it. And yet they sink into an easy domesticity that Olivia will unnervingly notice at random intervals. The day to day tasks that she can't complete he steps in to help with. It's so alarmingly simple to just move forward that at the end of the first week she insists she's fine and forces him to go back home before she gets too used to it.
Noah seems disappointed, which Olivia has mixed feelings about, asking whether Elliot can come back for a sleepover soon.
He lets things lie for a while, maybe out of concern for her recovery. Or maybe because she has so steadfastly avoided the mere mention of anything related to Wheatley and the topics he raised whenever it's the two of them alone.
She's back to work within two weeks, surprised she stayed home even that long, although she'd started in on paperwork and phone calls with the squad within two days.
And then a month is gone and Elliot is knocking on her door one evening and she knows she can't hide from it any longer.
He has one hand stuffed in the pocket of his jeans, the other gripping a wine bottle, and he gives her a careful smile when she opens the door. He holds the wine up to her like a form of payment. "I thought we could have a drink…"
She takes a breath and then opens the door wide for him. "I just put Noah to bed." she tells him softly and he nods in acknowledgement.
"How are you healing?"
She swallows as she thinks of that first week, him helping her change her bandages. The way his gaze would linger on the minimal amount of exposed skin, even as she tried her best to limit what he could see. The way his fingertips felt as they touched her. How he would stand just a little too close, his breath rustling the fine hairs at the back of her neck. The experience lingers in her brain like an erotic dream and she can feel a blush creeping up her neck at the thought. "Good. The doctor thinks the scarring won't be bad."
She catches a hint of a frown on his face, though he nods an approval at her.
But as she moves into the kitchen he adds quietly, "I'm sorry. I failed you again."
Her steps slow and she turns to face him, unsure what to say.
"I should have been there. I should have protected you." And with a start she realizes he's crying, tears running down his cheeks and she puts down the bottle and reaches for him and he grabs onto her with such urgency that she gasps.
His arms pull her into an embrace and he speaks directly into her ear. "I wasn't here when you needed me and then I let Wheatley get you."
He pulls back then, as suddenly as he'd grabbed her. His hands cup her face and he's staring at her intensely. "I won't make that mistake again. I'm not disappearing or leaving you alone and vulnerable ever again."
"El," Olivia whispers as she extracts herself from him.
He shakes his head abruptly, hurriedly wiping away the tears. "I just need you to know. I'm very aware of how badly I've screwed everything up. All I want is to try to fix that."
Olivia stares at him for a long moment, then picks the wine bottle back up and continues to the kitchen. "You can't undo the past, El." He can hear the resignation in her statement.
"You're right. But I can try to make it up to you." He answers softly. "In whatever way you'll let me."
Olivia doesn't answer as she pours the wine and hands him a glass from across the counter. She remains in the kitchen as he stands opposite her, placing the glass onto the countertop.
"I told you I love you because you deserve to know. I just want you to be happy."
She takes a sip of wine as she looks over the rim of her glass at him, her gaze wary and withdrawn. Finally she sighs and puts the glass down.
"It's a lot, Elliot...I was never good at letting people in. And when you left...I think that became even harder. I'm not saying that to hurt you, but it's true. You said in the letter that you hoped I knew how you felt. But it was the reverse. I was never quite sure how you felt about me, but I've always been sure that you knew how I felt about you."
"I wished for it...but no, I was never sure." He frowns suddenly, "Does that mean you don't feel that way anymore?"
She laughs shakily, "No, El. It doesn't mean that at all. I just can't give you anything more than that right now. It's just too much. You've burst back into my life and so much has happened in just a few weeks. I thought you leaving was overwhelming, but this just dwarfs all of that. And not all of it is good. I can't just skip happily into some sort of future with you. I don't even feel clear on if I want that. Or if you do. Or if you're ready for it."
"We don't have to figure this out today, Liv. I just need you to know that my feelings for you aren't a fluke, or some sort of reaction to losing Kathy. I need you to understand that so we can try to find a way forward."
"When did you take off your wedding ring?" She asks suddenly.
Elliot looks down at his bare left hand. "A week before Wheatley." He glances up at Olivia before he continues. "I know it hasn't really been that long. Kathy and I...were happy enough. But honestly...I think we were waiting for Eli to go off to school. We had already been talking about what would happen after that."
Olivia exhales harshly. "You never said-"
"We never told the kids. It doesn't seem fair to bring it up now, ya know?"
He looks at Liv nervously now. "And I did feel guilty. That I got her killed-"
"El, you didn't," Liv shakes her head.
"I might as well have." He nods to himself. "I'm going to have to live with that, there's no way around it. But at least once we caught Wheatley it felt ok to…" he shrugs, at a loss for the definition of what he was trying to do. Moving on felt not quite right.
"You're right. I think. That neither of us is ready for anything. I'm not going to ask you to walk into the sunset with me. Everything is still so complicated," Elliot draws a hand down his face and takes a breath. "I just want to know that we can try, when the time is right."
Liv bites at her lip in thought, "And in the meantime?"
He smiles, reaches his hand over to cover hers. "Can we spend some time together? Can we figure out how to be friends again? See if you can find a way not to hate me?"
He's giving her a teasing smile, but she can see the undercurrent of nerves in his face. She smiles back, softly. "I think I can manage that," she teases back
"Olivia," she hears from across the courthouse steps and turns to see Kathleen climbing steadily towards her. "You're here." Kathleen embraces her and Olivia smiles.
"Of course. Your dad worked hard to get justice for your mom. We're all feeling good that the jury will put Wheatley away."
"That would mean a lot to mom. And it definitely means a lot to all of us that you're here," she tilts her head towards the bottom of the stairs where the other Stabler kids are gathered. "They were all going to come up, but we thought that might be a lot," Kathleen smiles and Olivia gives her a gentle laugh.
"How is everyone doing?" She asks.
Kathleen nods, "Better, ya know? I mean, we miss her...a lot. But Dad's doing a lot better and Eli seems like he's hanging in there. So that helps."
Kathleen frowns slightly, "Actually...I wanted to come up here alone cause I thought it might be less awkward…"
Olivia feels a skittering of nerves at the change in Kathleen's expression.
"We know you and Dad have been spending some time together lately-"
"Oh," Olivia tries to interrupt, wanting to deflect whatever might be coming next.
"No, it's a good thing. I mean, we all know he's only doing so well because he has you. And if things are...developing between you two, we all think that's a good thing."
"Um...Kathleen…"
Kathleen blushes and hurries on, "Olivia, you really don't need to tell me anything. I'm not trying to presume anything about how you feel or...how you felt." Kathleen squints at her and presses on. "But I know my dad. We've all known...for so long…" She laughs awkwardly and shakes her head. "I'm messing this up. Look, the thing you should know is that we just want Dad to be happy, whatever that means. And if that means you, I for one would be very happy about that."
Olivia glances back down at the gathered Stablers who are trying to look like they're not watching her interaction with Kathleen.
"Kathleen…"
"We're really looking forward to meeting Noah!" She interrupts once more. "Maybe you could come for dinner on Sunday? We always do a family dinner…"
Olivia takes a breath, trying to decide how to answer, and is saved by the arrival of Elliot.
"Hey," he appears out of nowhere.
"Dad! I was just inviting Olivia and Noah for dinner on Sunday."
Olivia watches a silent exchange between father and daughter, recognizing the scrutinizing smile that Elliot gives Kathleen, his eyes squinting.
"That's a good idea," He turns his sharp gaze towards her and she stumbles again for what to say. "I can pick you up."
And before she can say a word Elliot's gesturing the kids over and they're moving inside to hear the verdict.
"I'm glad you both came tonight." Elliot tells her after he's carried Noah to bed and they've shut the door to his room.
Olivia lifts her eyebrows, "We almost didn't. Felt like we might be intruding."
"Nah," Elliot shakes his head gently. "We had a guilty verdict to celebrate."
"Yeah, but Sunday family dinner?" She moves away from Noah's door and towards the couch as Elliot follows.
"You know you're family." He settles next to her on the couch, pulling one of her hands into his lap.
"Are we? It's been a long time, El."
He nods in acknowledgement. "But the kids still love you. And they loved meeting Noah tonight."
"Seems like he liked them too. He definitely likes it when you're around." Olivia smiles as she stares at their joined hands.
"That's a relief." Elliot chuckles. "Actually...the kids gave me their blessing last week." He waits until Olivia looks up at him, seeing his eyebrows scrunched and an anxious smile on his face. "About you and me."
She clears her throat, "Hmm...Kathleen was doing the same before court this week."
"Oh really?" Elliot looks pleased and Olivia laughs at him.
"So you're telling me you didn't put her up to it?"
He laughs and shakes his head. "Kathleen doesn't need me to put her up to things."
A peaceful silence falls between them for a few minutes and Olivia takes the time to enjoy the nearness of Elliot, the feeling of contentment she has when they have the chance to be alone together.
He breaks the quiet cautiously. "I know it's only been a few weeks that we've been spending time together again. But do you feel like we're friends again?"
Olivia searches for the words as Elliot waits with his nerves. "You remember when we started working together?" She watches him nod tentatively. "I think we were working on our third case when I first thought you might be the closest friend I'd ever had." She presses her lips together against the sudden swell of emotion. Elliot moves closer, his hand sliding against her neck as he kisses the crown of her head.
"Feeling close to you was never the problem, El."
"I know what you mean," he murmurs, his lips still hovering near her forehead.
She pulls back a little, "I do understand why you left, even if it still hurts to think about how you did it." He takes a breath to speak and she shakes her head to stop him. "I think it's always going to hurt. But I want to trust you. I want to believe it won't happen again."
His hand is still cradling her neck and he brushes his thumb across her pulse point, as if to comfort her. "Do you know what you want, Liv? Because I can tell you that I want you."
He feels her exhale ghost across his neck. "I know...but it scares me."
"I'm not going to leave this time. I'm going to earn your trust and keep it." He swears softly.
"And what if I mess it up? What if I'm not enough?" Her voice is barely audible.
"That could never be true." He tilts her head up, looking into her eyes. "You're more than I've ever deserved. But I'm here for the rest of our lives if that's what you want."
He feels her hand fist in his shirt and tug and he closes the distance, his lips against hers as she sighs into the kiss. He allows his tongue to slide against the seam of her lips and they part for him. And he moans as he tastes her, his hands pulling her closer into his embrace.
He pulls back finally, before he loses control, pressing his forehead against hers.
She shifts so that her gaze can meet his, "I love you, El."
He laughs with a soft delight, kissing her again. She breaks away breathless and smiles at him once more. "Now what?"
He takes her hands in his, squeezing them in his grip, scattering kisses onto her knuckles, "Now we have the rest of our lives."
And they do.
A/N: And here we are at the end! Thanks for reading along during this ride - I appreciate you all so much!
I'm also going to take a moment to shamelessly self promote a one shot I posted last week called 'This is Her Story' if you're looking for some baby Olivia Benson and perhaps a few tears :)