A/N: GlaceonSnow: I'm honored that you decided to leave a review this time! Thank you for your kind words!

Minnie1015: Thank you for always leaving such nice reviews! Hope you'll enjoy the rest!

And to the Guest reviewer, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review!

In the morning, Master Splinter set the turtles for some light sparring. Before the demon Leonardo had started to lead their training sessions, but because of his recovery, Splinter had taken back his place, guiding them through practice. He was going to let Leonardo lead training again the moment he was able to – which was now, since he could use his hands again, but so far the eldest hadn't shown any interest in taking that role back.

If Leonardo had been shaken after their mission last night, he wasn't letting it show. Raphael didn't act differently either, he'd been slightly snappish during their breakfast, but that was to be expected if he was still upset about Leonardo making them come home early. Despite no one addressing their mission, there was still a tense aura in the room, one which Master Splinter hoped to break by putting his sons through some good exercise.

Since weapons could now be used, Master Splinter instructed the turtles to draw theirs. Leonardo was the last to have his swords in his hands, but despite his tense stance, he seemed ready to face the opponent Splinter had assigned him, Michelangelo.

It didn't take long before Raphael's sai struck Donatello's bō-staff, but Michelangelo and Leonardo were taking a moment to circle each other. After a moment of eyeing each other the youngest jumped into action, nunchakus whirling in his hands as he sent the first attack. It was easily deflected by Leonardo's swords, but Master Splinter did note how the blow forced Leonardo to take a step back. His hands must still be feeling tender, unable to take a blow like that like they usually would.

But Leonardo didn't show signs of pain, instead returning Michelangelo's attack. The youngest danced out of the way, and then they were sending attack after attack, falling into a steady rhythm. Donatello's yelp made Master Splinter turn his attention to his other sons- the scientist had almost lost his balance when Raphael had ruthlessly attacked him. The sai-wielder was clearly letting out some of the steam he hadn't been able to release during their patrol last night, but Donatello was keeping up nicely, and Splinter focused on commenting and guiding both Donatello's defenses and Raphael's eager attacks.

"So," Mikey started when he noticed that Splinter's attention was elsewhere, "wanna talk about last night?"

Leo didn't stop his attack, following the youngest after he danced out of the way of his blade. "What's there to talk about?"

"Well," Mikey deflected the next attack with his nunchaku and then rolled to the side. "You were going all paranoid over that gun. Even when we were walking back home, you kept glancing over your shoulder like someone was following us."

Now that everyone was safe at home, Leonardo did feel a bit ridiculous about the way he had acted, having thrown that shuriken so suddenly, then rushing to the roof... They could never be too careful, but still, he had overreacted again. It had taken him a long time to calm down even after returning home, and he hadn't slept much last night.

"I hadn't been topside in a while," Leonardo defended himself lamely, striking towards Michelangelo half-heartedly. "I really thought I saw someone on that rooftop."

"I get it," Mikey nodded. "I felt kinda rusty. Forgetting the rope was embarrassing."

"Michelangelo, Leonardo," Splinter cut them off, his tone telling them to focus on the fight. So they did just that, falling silent again, concentrating on taking the other down.

Mikey had been jumping around his brother for quite a while, swiftly dodging his strikes. Leo answered one of his jumps, and their weapons clashed together in the air- as he landed back to the mat Mikey whirled around, ready for yet another go. He saw Leo come up from the crouch of his own landing, but instead of turning to face him, he kept standing with his shell still turned towards him. Mikey watched as he lifted his arm to wipe his cheek with the back of his hand. He tilted his head- Leo was the one always telling them to never keep their backs turned to the enemy, even if this was just training. Leo kept standing still, not turning to face him, brushing his face with his hand again. Then he did it yet again.

"Leo?" Michelangelo called; clearly something wasn't right. He took a step forward, slightly lowering his arms, but still spinning his weapons, unsure if the fight was still going on or not.

Leonardo turned around, all business again, and Michelangelo lifted his weapons back up as the leader came at him. He gave his brother a questioning look, but had to focus on the fight instead of his face as Leonardo drove him towards the wall of the dojo. He was running out of room, and if his brother managed to chase him far enough, he'd have no way to dodge his attacks-

With a sharp twist of his wrist, Michelangelo managed to smack the side of Leonardo's hand with his nunchaku. He heard Leonardo hiss from pain, saw how his whole arm flinched, how his hold on his sword almost slipped- but only almost, and then he was attacking again. They kept chasing each other, neither one of them managing to land more blows before Master Splinter finally ended the spar.

Both Mikey and Leo bowed to each other, while Raph and Don did the same. But when they rose back up from the bow Mikey had to take a double look at the leader; his mask looked damp under his eyes, and there was a frown on his face. Leo sheathed his swords, lifting his hand to his face again to touch the edge of his mask.

"What…?" Leo asked quietly, blinking slowly as he looked down at his hand. Mikey could do nothing but stare- was Leo- was Leo crying?

"Uh, Leo…?" Mikey tucked his weapons away and hurried towards his brother. Leo glanced up at him, confused, and up close Mikey could see that there really were tears in his eyes.

"Did I hurt you?" Mikey asked quickly, his eyes now on the arm he had hit. He hadn't aimed specifically for Leo's hand, it had just happened, but he should've known to be more careful. Leo's healing had been a long process, and he definitely didn't want to hinder it. If he'd hit him hard enough to make him tear up, he had definitely hurt him, for he very rarely saw Leo cry. The thought that he'd hurt him that badly made him wrap his hands around Leo, so suddenly that the eldest had no time to react. His hold was tight as he glued himself against his brother. "I didn't mean to hit your hand, I know they must still be hurting, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!"

Immediately Don and Raph turned their heads towards them. "What?" They asked in unison.

Leonardo managed to push Michelangelo off of himself. The youngest was looking at him with apologetic eyes, which Leonardo answered with a shake of his head. "You didn't hurt me, Mikey." Then his tone turned slightly dry. "And I'm not crying."

"But these are tears," Mikey said as he lifted his hand to wipe Leo's wet cheek. Leo frowned, grabbing Mikey's wrist before he could reach his face, bringing his hand down.

"They're not-"

"They definitely are," Donatello, standing closer now, observed mildly with a hint of worry in his voice.

Raph had moved closer as well and grinned. Unlike Don, he didn't sound very concerned when he spoke. "Wow, what did ya do, Mikey? I know ya hate losing, Leo, but I didn't think you'd cry over it."

Leo turned his head to glare at Raph, but had to blink again as his vision blurred from the wetness there. He wiped his face with more force, trying to get rid of the tears, not understanding where they were coming from. His hand still throbbed from the hit Mikey had managed to land, but he hadn't really hurt him, and even if he had, he wouldn't cry over it. He didn't feel anything out of the ordinary, yet he couldn't deny that there really were tears flowing down his face, no matter how hard he tried to hold them back.

"It's fine, Leo," Don said, placing a hand on his arm. Through the blurriness in his eyes he saw him looking him over. "You sure you didn't get hurt?"

Leo stepped away from him, suddenly frustrated that his brothers had gathered around him to observe the mysterious flow of tears. He didn't understand where they were coming from. He rarely cried, and usually did so if he felt intense emotions- he felt nothing like that now, only the irritation from his confusion. Yet here he was, crying without any reason while his brothers watched. No, this wasn't crying, this was just… liquid down his face. Maybe he'd gotten something in his eyes.

"I'm sure," Leo huffed, walking towards the doors of the dojo. He couldn't just stand here like this. Before he went, he glanced at their Sensei. "I'm sorry, Master Splinter, I think I have something in my eyes. Could I be excused?"

His Father nodded at him, and Leo disappeared from the dojo. The remaining turtles looked at each other.

"Should… should I go after him?" Mikey asked, sounding unsure.

"What happened, Mikey?" Don asked, turning to the youngest. "That wasn't just getting something in the eye."

"I don't know! I mean, I landed some hits, one on his hand… and I saw that it hurt him, he almost dropped his sword, but I didn't think it hurt him that much." Mikey really seemed distressed over the idea of having accidentally hurt Leo's hand, and Raph stepped closer to place a hand over his shoulder.

"Nah, ya didn't hurt him," Raph said. "You know he's had worse than getting hit by your chucks."

"But his hands are still healing..."

"If you really had done some damage to his hand, he wouldn't have been able to hold his sword," Don comforted him. "So, you didn't hurt him. Leo seemed more confused than pained… maybe his eyes really just did get irritated."

"Yeah but… something's wrong," Mikey insisted. "He was in such a hurry to leave."

Raph rolled his eyes. "He was embarrassed, Mike."

"Doesn't that mean that he was crying, then?" Mikey asked. "If he was embarrassed about us seeing it? Getting something caught in your eye isn't very embarrassing. And I'm not saying that crying is, either, but-"

"We're solving nothing like this," Don said, twirling his bō once before placing it behind his shell. "Master, is it alright if I go check on him?"

Master Splinter nodded for a second time, having only quietly listened to his sons. "That would be wise, your brother wasn't quite acting like himself."

As Donatello moved towards the exit, both Raphael and Michelangelo started to follow- before Master Splinter tapped the floor with his crutch again.

"Raphael, Michelangelo. Training isn't over for the two of you."

With identical sighs the turtles turned back and took their positions again.

Leonardo splashed water over his face, leaning against the sink of the bathroom as he watched himself in the mirror. Droplets of water ran down his face, masking the tears, but he could still feel them, burning his eyes with their constant flow. No matter what he did, held his eyes closed, rubbed at them, splashed them with water… they kept coming.

"What's wrong with me?" Leo asked the mirror in frustration as he stared at his reflection.

He splashed his face with water once more before standing up straight, untying his mask and letting it fall over the edge of the sink. He grabbed a towel, dried his face and held the towel against his eyes. When he lowered the towel, he looked into the mirror again. His eyes were starting to become red, the edges looking irritated from his attempts at wiping the tears away. But there were no more tears, so he had succeeded-

Until he blinked, and his eyes burned again. Leonardo growled at the mirror, shaking his head, as if it could get rid of the unending stream of tears. Was there something wrong with his eyes, some kind of infection maybe? But there had been no previous irritation, no pain, and he'd never heard of an infection that made you shed tears uncontrollably.

"Well, this is just great," he mumbled to himself.

There was a knock on the door, but Leo didn't bother answering it. He had known one of his brothers would come after him. They wouldn't just leave this be when he had left the dojo like that. It wasn't normal to start crying out of the blue. It didn't matter that he wasn't really crying; he could imagine how he had looked, trying to deny the tears which his brothers could very clearly see.

"Leo?" Donatello pushed the door open. He saw Leonardo standing in front of the sink, and didn't wait for permission to enter.

Leonardo didn't look at him. "I don't know how to make this stop," he said simply.

"Can I take a look?" Don asked softly, now standing next to his brother. Leo clenched his fists, hesitating. He didn't want his brother to see him with his puffy eyes and wet cheeks, even though he knew these weren't real tears.

"Leo," Don said again. "I won't think anything of it. Maybe your eyes are just… extremely dry."

'Or maybe there's a part of me that I locked away, only it apparently breaks free just to make me panic and cry over nothing,' Leo thought sarcastically. Could that be the explanation? He'd felt that fear again yesterday, was this connected to it? 'Why don't you try to fix that, Don?'

Leonardo clenched his fists even tighter, making his palms ache on purpose. He immediately felt guilty for thinking like that, when his brother was here because he was worried about him. He shouldn't have any thoughts like this, because he knew that if he told Don the truth of what was going on, his brother would try to help him without judging him.

That was what probably hurt the most. He knew his brothers would try to help him if he told them about his whole situation, but it was just so… difficult to admit. It was all so crazy, which meant that he was crazy.

Leonardo turned his head, giving Donatello a slightly helpless look. 'Why can't I tell you this? Why am I so afraid of telling you? I know you wouldn't judge me, but… would you change the way you see me?'

Leonardo, the leader who allowed a demon to get into their home. The leader who almost slaughtered his whole family. The leader who was still messing with things he couldn't fully understand, with things that had proved to be dangerous before. The leader that was crazy enough to keep doing this. Would they ever trust his judgement again if he told them?

Once he saw Leonardo's face properly, Donatello snapped his mouth shut. Without his mask the tears were more visible, and although Leonardo wasn't sobbing or anything, the look was still disheartening, something Donatello wasn't used to seeing. There was something desperate, or perhaps helpless, in his eyes. Mixed with the tears still flowing down his face Donatello felt the intense need to fix this, to comfort his brother, to do something to make that look and the tears go away.

"Don't look at me like that," Leo said softly, smiling a little. The helplessness Don had seen in his eyes faded. "They're not real tears."

Don reached up to touch the side of Leo's face, gently lifting his head to take a better look at his eyes. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary from a quick glance; the eyes were irritated from the constant flow of tears, but he couldn't see any damage, nothing stuck in the eyes.

"My lab," Don said. "I need some tools to inspect them better. If… if you're sure you don't know what's causing this."

So, Don still suspected that these were tears caused by some kind of distress. He was still speaking softly, giving Leo an opportunity to tell him what was on his mind. There so much he could say, but he ended up shaking his head.

"Alright. My lab, then," Don repeated, only making Leo feel hesitant. If this really was because of the fear he kept struggling against, Don would be checking his eyes for nothing.

"Don... you don't need to, maybe this'll go away on it's own-"

Don grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the bathroom. Leo didn't try to fight it, only sighed in defeat as he followed. Despite Leo denying it, Don still had a feeling that this was more of an inner than outer problem, but even so, he felt that the lab would be a more comfortable place to figure this out. But just in case this really was a problem with Leo's eyes, Don wanted to take a closer look. Considering where they lived, one could never be too careful with their health.

Once the lab was reached, Don pushed Leo to sit in one of his chairs. There was clattering as Don went through his things, before he finally turned back to his brother, wearing his magnifying glasses and in his hand there was-

Donatello held the small blade in his hand, pressing it slowly against his wrist, breaking the skin. There were already countless cuts there made by him, none of them too deep, no, each and every one of them had been carefully carved into him, never cutting too harshly to make him bleed too much. Just enough to break the skin slowly, to make him bleed for as long as possible, to drag out the pain.

"Please don't," Leonardo gasped as another cut started bleeding. "I'm-"

"You know you deserve it," Donatello hissed at him- his face was covered in deep cuts, blood spilled past his lips as he spoke. "After what you did to us, after how you hurt us. How could you do it, Leo? We trusted you. We loved you. How could you?"

Leonardo felt like he was both the body Donatello was cutting up, and someone else watching from the side. He was both experiencing it and watching yet another vision the demon had made him suffer through. This was one of those where one of his mauled brothers crawled back up from the floor where he had left them to rot, returning the pain he had given them.

He felt tears on his cheeks again. He wasn't used to seeing and remembering these visions so clearly, and it hurt just as much as the first time he'd experienced them. He hadn't forgotten these, he'd just locked them away. The tears had to be because of this. But why so suddenly-?

Donatello had moved from his wrist to his plastron, drawing new cuts, but something touched his cheek and pulled his head away from the sight. He was looking at Donatello again, but he wasn't bleeding and cut, he was whole, his magnifying glasses lifted up to rest on his forehead. Worried eyes met his, and the moment they did Leonardo shot up from where he had been sitting- only it wasn't him moving his body.

"I'm sorry," Leonardo heard himself gasp. The fear he had managed to control so far had escaped his control without him even realizing it, and now he was the one stuck in his mind as the other part of him made him scramble away from his brother. He moved clumsily, his shell colliding with the edge of a nearby table, cutting off his escape. He whimpered and lowered himself down into a crouch to make himself as small as possible, his hands lifting up to his head to shield himself. "I'm sorry, I'd never- I'm so sorry, please don't hurt me-"

"Leo, it's- it's okay," Don hurried to say, and through the other part's panic Leo felt Don's hesitancy. Don wasn't sure whether to get close or not. "It's alright, no one's going to hurt you, I swear-"

"No, I hurt you so I deserve it, I just…" Leonardo whimpered again and hid his face behind his hands. He heard the desperation in Donatello's words when he kept trying to comfort him, but he couldn't do anything to stop himself from sobbing. This- this part of him now in control seemed to still be caught in the vision, thinking that Donatello was here to hurt him.

Leonardo wanted to shield Donatello from this. This was only confusing and hurting his brother, hearing the usually emotionally reserved turtle so broken and desperate, and having no way to comfort him since his words weren't reaching him. He wanted to shield Donatello from the worry he was causing him, but he didn't know how to make this go away, how to take back control.

It was sickening. To be unable to do nothing but watch, just like with the demon, only it was himself he was fighting for control this time.

"It's okay, just… try to take a deep breath, okay? Leo…" Leonardo felt Donatello step closer, making him only curl up more. "Nobody's going to hurt you, you're safe. I promise."

Leonardo glanced up at him, then looked around to find an escape, but there was none. Behind him was the table, in front of him was Donatello with the knife still in his hand. He was disoriented, this wasn't the tunnel, so he hadn't known where to run, having trapped himself with the table that had been on the way.

Donatello kneeling in front of him made Leonardo push himself tightly against the table in his attempt to shrink away. Donatello was reaching for him, simply holding his hand out instead of hurting him. Confused, Leonardo stared at him, but even when their eyes met, no pain came. Maybe this was something new, a trick to hurt him in a different way…

Whatever it was, Leonardo knew there was nowhere to go, nothing he could ever do to stop the pain. It would come, eventually. So, as seconds turned into minutes, Leonardo finally caved in and carefully lifted his hand, hesitantly allowing Donatello to take it. He couldn't help flinching at the contact, ready to yank his hand back, but again, nothing happened. Donatello's careful touch didn't turn into pain, and as he dared to take his eyes off of his brother, he could take in his surroundings. This was the lab, and they had never hurt him here. He turned his wary gaze back to Donatello, still hesitant, but after a moment he ended up closing his fingers around Donatello's hand.

"I d-don't- I can't go back there," Leonardo heard himself say, his voice full of defeat.

"Go where?" Donatello asked him softly. "You don't have to go anywhere, you're safe here."

He only held Donatello's hand tightly, clearly struggling with his words. And Leonardo, still watching his other part… felt a sudden disgust wash over him. This was pathetic, clinging to Don like this, confusing and worrying him, letting himself cry in front of him. Even though he wasn't in control, this time it wasn't someone else making him do anything. This was a part of him, this was him. This was pathetic of him. It had to stop.

Finally he was able to do what he'd done when he'd fought the demon for control- he felt the pressure in his head and pushed against it, surprised at how easy it was to push the fear aside. With the demon, it had always taken so much effort. It hurt now as well, made his head ache as the other part struggled against him, but it wasn't nearly as horrible as it had been with the demon. Leonardo managed to push him aside, he was in control again, and he- felt incredibly tired. He slumped forward, caught by his brother's hands.

"Leo? Leo, are you alright?" Donatello was hastily asking him, pushing him back into a proper sitting position so that he could look at him. Leonardo managed to collect himself, managing to sit without leaning on his brother.

"Sorry," Leo mumbled, lifting a hand to press it against the side of his head. He could no longer feel the tears; perhaps pushing the other part away had finally put an end to them. "I… I don't know what came over me…"

Don blinked at him. Just a second ago his brother had been a complete mess, sobbing and begging for his forgiveness with a haunted look in his eyes, and now the tears had just cut off, and Leo seemed more like his usual self. Like all of a sudden nothing was wrong. The change was strange and surreal in it's suddenness.

"Leo… that was…" Don didn't have the words to describe the situation, and Leo only nodded, lowering his gaze.

"I know. I'm sorry, I- I guess there are still... things I'm struggling to deal with." He shrugged; it was the truth.

"I would be more surprised if there wasn't anything bothering you," Don said carefully. "I mean, how could there not be? So many awful things happened to you. You don't need to try to hide the way you feel." Don looked away for a moment, then turned back to his brother. "You know you can talk to us, right? You… you don't have to let it… get this bad."

It wasn't that bad. Not for him, maybe for the other part, but if he just managed to keep it- him- whatever the other part was- away, then- then there was nothing to worry about. He was just… learning how to control this. He'd get better at it. This wouldn't happen again.

"I know," Leo said softly, moving to stand up. "Thank you, Don."

Don frowned; the thank you was obviously Leo's way to end the conversation.

"You say that… but you never talk." There was a note of desperation in Donatello's voice. "You don't have to talk to me, but if it's even one of us… it's so clear that you're hurting, you… you're not well, just a moment ago you were pleading for me to forgive you and now you're acting like nothing happened- we're worried about you, Leo!"

Leonardo winced at Donatello's tone. He hated seeing the helplessness in his brother's eyes, so he hurried to lift a hopefully comforting hand to his brother's shoulder, still sitting on the floor with him. "I'm sorry I've worried you, Donnie. I'm… I'm still trying to figure things out, and once I understand better what's going on with myself, I swear I'll talk to you about it. Okay?" He squeezed Donatello's shoulder lightly, looking at him with honest eyes. Donatello still didn't look convinced. "I'm fine now, really. I think I'm going to try meditating over this- would you like to join me?"

Don stared at him for a moment, then sighed in defeat and started to stand up. Leo said nothing and didn't dare to resist when Don helped him up from the floor.

"I don't think I can focus on meditation right now. I'll… I'll be here in the lab if you… if you want to talk." Don hesitated, clearly trying to think of what to say. "Just… you can always talk to any of us, okay? No matter when, or what it is, you can talk to us."

Leo nodded, giving Don one more reassuring smile. His brother tried to answer it, but Leo could tell it was half-hearted. Not knowing what else to say, and starting to feel slightly embarrassed over the episode he'd just had, Leo left. As he walked through the door he could already feel a weight in his chest. He obviously hadn't reassured Don, leaving him worrying. He didn't like keeping secrets, especially if they could hurt his family like this. But he knew that the truth would just hurt them more. He'd… he'd fix this, this whole situation. He'd find a way to explain things without sounding too crazy, and then nobody would have to worry.

As Leo walked towards his room, the sounds of a spar could still be heard from the dojo. Perhaps he should go there and apologize for his sudden exit… but he decided against it. There could be questions, and he felt too worn to even think about what he'd say. He entered his room and closed the door behind him, walking to his drawer to take out a new mask, for the old, tear-stained mask had been left in the bathroom.

In the silence of his room both the embarrassment and the exhaustion of the whole tear-episode fully hit him. There was no way he could've gone to the dojo or stayed to talk with Donatello. The things he'd seen were still clear in his mind, and he could barely think with the headache he was having. He was starting to get fed up by their constant presence, but he felt too tired to go back to get anything for the pain. Instead of thinking about the headache, he should focus on what to tell his family, what to do for the situation he was in before it spiraled even more out of control.

But... right now he just didn't want to think about the other part or the craziness of the part's existence. He didn't want to think about the fear he'd felt him feel, didn't want to think about all the things he'd shoved away and left for the other him to deal with. Maybe it was unfair, somehow, leaving the other part to handle all that (and it seemed that he wasn't handling it at all) but in the end… the other part was still him. It was only unfair to him, so did it really matter?

The day had just begun, but Leonardo did something very unusual for him. He'd just taken out a new mask, but instead of putting it on, he placed it back on the table and crawled into bed, hoping that a short nap would erase the unpleasant memories and fix the exhaustion that had crept into both his mind and body.