Anemo. Cryo. Dendro. Electro. Geo. Hydro. Pyro. The Seven Elements of Teyvat. However, it was known to little that there was an eighth element. The Horny. This element was different from the others. It had no archon, therefore it could not bestow any visions. It had no need for visions anyways, for it was a power bestowed on to everyone in this world. Though, this power affected almost everyone daily, not many knew about it. However, it could be said that this power was stronger than all the others, for it had no obvious weakness. But a certain group of people knew of it and had a way to dispel this power. Members of The Favonius Cathedral. They were the Horny's only weakness. Today, we will see how the Horny influences everyday life.
Aether had been taking way too damn long on this one commission. All he had to do was kill this one ruin guard, but of course, things could never go his way. It felt like every step he took, a monster decided to attack him out of nowhere. It was frustrating.
"Damn it!" he swore after killing yet another hilichurl who had decided to attack him. "Why are there so many more monsters than usual?"
His floating fairy friend once again appeared out of nowhere and said, "Well, Paimon doesn't really know why there are so many monsters. All Paimon knows is that she's hungry and that you should finish this commission faster!"
"Thanks for the help, Paimon." Aether grumbled.
"Don't worry, Traveler! Paimon has your back!"
Aether ignored Paimon and instead continued to look for this elusive ruin guard. He didn't know where it was despite them being gigantic. Then, he spotted something in the distance.
"Is that Barbara?" Aether asked, shocked.
What was a deaconess of the church doing here? He knew she collected wolfhook from time to time, but there wasn't any here, at least not any that he knew of. Aether decided to follow Barbara from a distance because he was genuinely curious as to what she was up to.
Aether whispered, "Paimon, I need you to actually listen to me for once. Keep your mouth shut as we follow Barbara okay? I don't need you messing up yet another stealth mission."
Paimon whispered back, "That was one time, okay! Paimon wouldn't do that again."
Aether nodded, not really convinced, but decided to trust Paimon anyways. Following Barbara, he eventually came upon a large lake. He hid in some bushes farther away but still relatively close to the lake. After arriving there and looking at what Barbara was doing, Aether's eyes widened.
"What the fuck!" Aether exclaimed. "Is she really bathing in this lake? Does she not have any sense of decency?"
Aether's mind went blank as Barbara removed her top. Slowly, he began to be overcome by the Horny. Aether lost his sense of reason.. He rushed out of the bushes towards Barbara.
"Traveler, wait!" Paimon called out, but it was too late.
"Boobas!" Aether yelled, sprinting towards Barbara.
"Ahhh!" Barbara shrieked and ran to the water to hide herself from the lustful gaze of Aether.
"Please, I need the booba. Do not prevent me from my life's goal." Aether requested, completely forgetting that his actual goal was to save his sister.
"Traveler, please! Leave me alone! We can talk about this after I get dressed." Barbara pleaded.
Aether was angered that Barbara didn't let him have her. The power of Horny strengthened inside him.
"Blade of Lust!" he shouted, but instead of blasting Barbara away like WindBlade, the Blade of Lust pulled her closer.
As Barbara was pulled towards Aether, she decided to use the forbidden power that Rosaria had bestowed upon her. It was only to be used in very extreme situations, such as when a member of her fanclub once again attempted to force themselves on her. She had never thought she would have to use it against Aether, the saviour of Mondstadt. He had always seemed so respectable, but it seems even he, when under the influence of the Horny, was unable to control himself.
She pulled out a wooden bat that seemingly had no power. However, the power controlling Aether recognized this bat. How could it not, when it had been attacked by it so many times over its existence. Aether, seeing this bat, started to run out of the water, but Barbara started to activate its power.
"Barbatos, archon of wind, give me strength and wisdom. Allow me to dispel this foul evil from the mind of others." Barbara chanted.
The bat began to glow. Aether was stuck in a trance. He couldn't move as Barbara slowly walked towards him, water dripping off of her arms and hair.
"GO TO HORNY JAIL!" Barbara yelled, smacking Aether's head with the bat, making an audible bonk sound that echoed throughout the forest.
Aether, after being hit, instantly went limp and hit the ground face first. Barbara, confirming that Aether was unconscious. walked towards to her clothes, putting them on quickly. She sighed, wishing that she wouldn't have to use this power again. But little did she know, this wouldn't be the first time she would have to use this on Aether.
Yeah I know, it was pretty short. I did this on a whim though, so what can you really expect?