My fingers drift over her body, taking in the wounds that mark so much of her skin. Elation quickly turns to worry. She looks as if she crawled up from Tartarus itself.
"Xena." Her name floats off my lips in a whisper. For a moment longer her face is soft. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but no words are produced. Turning, Xena looks out at the tents that scatter the land outside the courtyard. There's an instant change in her demeanor, and suddenly she becomes the Conqueror. The muscles in her jaw flex as her face sets itself to stone. She becomes rigid, and despite obvious injuries, strides away without so much as a limp. Xena is all poise and power, a strength that exudes off her in waves that wash over me. I can't even find the nerve to call out and stop her. To tell her she needs rest, her wounds tended to. There's no point.
I watch her stride off, trying to figure out what I should do. I must find Cyrene, to relieve her of her constant worry. But as I move the pain comes back, shooting up my leg. I nearly collapse at the sudden overwhelming sensation. My ankle is still broken. When I had seen Xena, all thought had left, except for the need to see her face close, to touch her skin and verify she was truly standing there. I had managed to run without noticing the pain. But now it has come back, worse than before. Any healing that had happened has probably been undone.
I find my discarded staff, thrown in my reckless abandon to reach her. As best I can, I shuffle forward in slow deliberate steps. Cyrene is in the kitchens, doing the one thing she knows well. She stands amongst the servants, ordering them here and there. Her eyes find mine and she gasps out.
"Are you ok dear?" She rushes over, ushering me to sit in the nearest chair.
"Xena. She made it." Cyrene looks as if her heart has stopped, she's still as stone.
"What?" Her voice shakes and her eyes fill with tears.
"She's alive." I clasp her hands in mine. "She's here, out there in the tents." Xena's probably found her commanders already, getting updates and talking strategy. Cyrene collapses to her knees, falling into my arms.
"I thought…. I couldn't lose another child." There's grief in her words. Her body shakes in mine, and I just hold her until the tremors stop. After a while she stands back up, wiping the tears from her face. Cyrene"s smile returns, her body straightens as if a weight has been released.
"We can both rest easy. Now, you get up to your room. You shouldn't be walking on that foot." She calls for Damon, whom I hadn't even realized was there. "Help her to her room." She commands.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I find myself in my room, the shutters to the small window closed. My head falls back, my body is finally succumbing to the exhaustion and the fear that had been draining me since she left. It's not long before my eyes drift close, and sleep finally claims me.
I wake to a small candle flickering on the table under the window. A tray of cheese, grapes, olives and bread sits there. My eyes shift across the room and settle on Xena. I almost miss her, half cloaked in darkness, slumped in a chair at the end of my bed. My mouth opens to wake her, but I stop myself. There's a genuine beauty in the way she cares. She may have been a monster once, but that creature is at least chained up. I know she fears it's escape, of the pain she can unleash again. The wounds on her body are testament to the changes she's made.
"Xena." Her name catches in my throat as feelings seem to bottleneck in my chest. She stirs almost immediately, as if she is always on the verge of waking. Clear, piercing eyes meet mine, and for a moment neither of us speak.
"Did Cyrene find you?" A tiny curve at the corners at her mouth, the hint of a smile.
"She barged into a meeting with my generals. They looked at me like she was crazy." She smiles a little bigger as she stretches her back. "Mother hugged me, yelled at me, and cried. Then of course she told me about you." Xena motions to my ankle. It's newly wrapped with two pieces of wood to keep it straight.
"Did you see the healer?" I move to sit up, carefully swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.
"You don't have to worry about me." She scoffs, her face impassive.
"Xena." She cracks her neck, looking away.
"I took care of it."
"Why the sudden bravado?"
"I can't appear weak in front of my men."
"Xena, I'm not them. I don't need you to be strong. With me, it's ok to be weak."
"I'm not weak."Her voice is low. I wonder what argument she's had with herself since this morning. What caused this shift, this fear of being vulnerable once more. Reaching over, I take her hand in mine, feeling her arm tense then slowly relax. Her fingers curl into mine. I study those long fingers, with their calluses and cracked skin. I run the tips of my fingers down the sides of hers until they slide down her palm to her wrist. My middle finger traces circles across the sensitive skin there. In a quick blur of motion, Xena's fingers are now wrapped around my wrist.
I look up at her, the vision before me is decidedly different from just a few short moments ago. Her chest rises and falls in quick succession as her eyes seem to glow with something I'm not sure I've seen before. Her jaw muscles flex against her skin as she seems to be deciding something within herself.
"There is something you should know." Her voice is a restrained growl.
"What?" The words barely pass my lips. I can feel a heat coming off of her. She looks at me a moment longer, eyes squinting as her mouth becomes set in a grim line.
"I'm not…" She looks away, finally dropping my wrist. Her hand insteads rakes through her dark hair. "Sometimes I just take." She forces herself to look at me again. "Even when it was more than just lust it was…." She trails off as if afraid to finish, as if the words would be too much for her, for me to take.
"Why are you saying this?" I try to move closer, but she stands, moving further away from me.
"I'm not strong around you." It's almost a sob, but she swallows it, taking a deep breath. "You have to be stronger. I'm not good for you." Pushing up off the bed, I move towards her, ignoring the pain in my foot. Xena presses herself against the wall, as if my touch is poisonous.
"Xena."
"Stop." It's a strangled command, without much force behind it. I press forward, my hand on her cheek. She can't seem to help but lean into my touch. "Don't you understand." Her eyes glisten with tears as she looks pleadingly down at me. "You make me weak. You are my weakness and if anyone knew..." Her throat bobs as she swallows deeply. "They will do everything to take you away."
My fingers curl around the back of her neck and urge her head down towards mine. I feel her pain as deeply as if it were my own. it's in my chest burning, trying to claw its way out. it's in my throat, trying to stop me from breathing. Our lips now barely touch, her breath mingling with mine.
"Xena." Her lips are all I can seem to see right now. My other hand slides up her chest. "Now that I know you, I have to know all of you. You already fill me up so much. If I walked away I would be lost and wander the land, only a fraction of the person I could be. Because I wouldn't have you." She makes a strangled sound, as if I'd just punched her.
"Please." She cries, and I can't tell if she wants me to kiss her or to leave. Her hands grasp either side of my face and suddenly I want to find a way to be a part of her. Our lips meet softly at first, at direct odds with the intense moment raging about us. I melt into this brief moment of calm, enjoying the softness of our lips dancing together. But the burning in my chest it's changing from pain to something much more powerful, and it's still choking me.
Desire outpaces all worries and coherent thought. My lips part as her tongue seeks entrance, tracing across my lips, my teeth, my tongue. I'm overcome with emotions I've never felt before. I've kissed before but….not like this, never once like this. Then as soon as it has begun it stops. Xena pulls away, her eyes dark as she looks down at me.
"Not here." She says as she lifts me up in her arms and carries me out of the room. I can't help the giggle that escapes me. Xena has a smirk on her face as she strides towards her quarters. Luckily we don't encounter any servants, or at least that I can see. I'm not sure I could live with the embarrassment. Her room is lit only by the moon shining bright in the night sky. Xena gently sits me on her bed, kissing me gently on the lips before moving away to sit on a stool just a few feet away.
I watch as she begins to methodically remove her gear, starting with any armor that remains. She doesn't seem to have much left, just a few pieces. Then she unlaces and removes her boots, then her bodice. She stands in a shift, dirty with sweat and blood. The extent of her injuries are even more apparent now. I can't help the gasp that comes out of me. Xena walks back toward me, giving me a kiss again, as if to tell me she's ok. I want it to continue but she walks away, disappearing into the alcove where she has her private bath. The sound of water splashing on the floor is the only hint that she is cleaning the dirt and grime from her body. I would have gladly wrapped myself around her even if she was covered in mud.
I begin to squirm, unsure what to do with myself. I've never really gone beyond kissing a boy behind a barn or in a back field. Most of those had been at the insistence of the boy. What do I even do? Ok, now it's time to panic. xena's been with...oh my God's. xena's been with so many people, There's no way I can even compete with that. What am I thinking? Should I run now? I can't run, I have a broken ankle. By the God's, what did I get myself into.
"You ok?" I look up and notice Xena standing in front of me, her eyebrow arched high.
"What am I doing?"
"I don't know." She looks at me confused.
"Xena. I've barely kissed anyone before. I don't know what I'm doing." She starts to laugh.
"We don't have to do anything." She says honestly, but smirks anyway.
"Oh no I do." I say a little too quickly. It's then I realize she is standing before me naked, body glistening from the quick bath she took. The water must have been cold. I can see the goosebumps that dot her skin, the little hairs on her arms stand up. She has fresh wraps on her wounds. What was I saying? I reach out, my fingers splay across her stomach as my hand slides down to the curve of her hip.
"I think you know exactly what you're doing." The silky smoothness of her voice causes me to turn my head up to respond, but her lips meet mine, smothering any sound before it comes out. Our tongues tangle and twine together. She smells faintly of mint. I breathe in deeply, trying to remember this smell forever. Her hands wander down to the hem of my shift, lifting it just above my hips. The exposure feeds a fire in the base of my stomach, setting my desire alight. I pull her body against mine, but the cloth between us is too much, I need to feel her skin on all of me. As quickly as I can, I pull the shift off, throwing it to the floor.
A groan issues from my depths as I push my body back against her. The heat of her soft skin is melting me as I already feel myself going weak. We lay down on the bed, side by side. I'm mesmerized by every inch, every scar, every imperfection of the woman before me. My fingers curl into her hair as a hand begins to explore my breast. I tremble at this simple touch. Her lips meet mine, teeth biting gently at my bottom lip, pulling and teasing. Molten hot fire begins to flow beneath my already sweating skin. A feeling akin to anxiety blooms in my chest.
God's. I start to feel like I want to cry, but it's out of sheer need. I don't want this gentleness anymore. Something gives within me, like a taught cord snapping free. My hands make fists in her hair, causing her lips to come crashing against mine. My tongue pushes past hers, making for an escape to her mouth. She rolls, positioning herself above me, but I do not relent in my pursuit to suck the breath from her lungs.
A snarl emanates from Xena as she begins to take control, but I won't give in so easy. I yank her head back, exposing her neck to my lips. I'm feeding off her energy and the carnal desire we both exude. My only thought is to taste every inch of skin as my tongue sweeps a path up from the hollow of her neck.
She groans, hips pressing down into mine. In my haze I nearly forget the wounds that mark her skin, but Xena seems not to care. Roughly she moves to straddle my hips, her hands pinning my wrists above my head. Dark eyes sweep across my face, landing on my lips. Her chest is heaving, hair wild about her head from the torment my fingers caused. Straining against her hold, I burn to touch the roundness of her breasts, the curve of her hip. She is of course too strong.
"Xena." I plead, not caring how desperate I sound. She leans her body forward, her breasts coming down within reach of my mouth. As soon as her dark shaded nipple is close, I suck it into my mouth as if I've hungered for it my whole life. My tongue flicks across the rounded pebble of flesh. Xena moans above me, her hips rolling against my stomach, rough hair spreading her desire across my skin. Again I strain against her, my body pushing up into hers. She only groans deeper, my actions causing an increased friction against her core.
A whispered string of curses drips from her lips as one of her hands finally drifts from my wrists. Her fingers dig into the back of my skull as she pulls me closer to her breast. I'm nearly drowning in the plump flesh as it fills my mouth even more. My teeth bite at the tender nipple, sucking and licking in quick succession. Her hand guides me to her other breast, and I begin to lavish it with the same attention.
Xena frees my wrists, firmly placing my hands on her hips. Adjusting herself slightly, she now straddles my hips. I can feel her wet desire seep down onto my own. She begins a slow gyration of her hips, grinding directly against me. By the God's, I'm going to die.
My fingernails dig into her waist as I watch her exotic dance atop me. My own hips begin to mimic her movements, creating a delicious sensation that washes over me. Xena's hands begin to roam her own body, hands squeezing at her breasts, head thrown back. I'm beginning to feel like I can't breathe, the desire is so overwhelming. My hand slides up her taut stomach. The muscles beneath my fingers jump and strain with her every movement. Her skin feels like the finest silk to me, each scar just adding to the beauty. My hand finds its way to the valley between her breasts. Her groans are becoming louder and louder, my heart beating faster and faster.
Without so much as a thought, I push myself into a sitting position with Xena still straddling me. Our lips finally meet again after so long apart. Haggered breaths exchanging in-between groans and throaty growls. I have no idea who"s who at this point, we are nearly melted into one.
Xena takes my hand and shoves it between us, guiding it down into her wet heat.
"God's Xena." Her head falls to my shoulder as she emits the sexiest noises I've ever heard. My fingers make a slow trek into the hot soft flesh between her legs, and I can feel her walls pulsing around me. I don't get the chance to linger as xena's fingers soon invade me. There's no way to stop the yell as an intense bolt of pleasure surges through me. In seconds the both of us are working to pleasure the other. In no time I can feel how close I am, and I don't want to be. I want this to last forever. But my body has other ideas. It's like the God's pull me out of my body, the intensity of the pleasure is so overwhelming I think I might cry. Xena's yell as she comes, brings me back to my body. We both sit, curled into each other, holding onto the other for dear life. My heart begins to slow as the burning in my lungs begins to ease.
"Xena." I whisper into her neck, not really knowing what to say. She lifts her head, looking directly into my eyes. Her fingertips play softly against my cheek.
"Will you regret this?" She asks with such seriousness that it actually hurts.
"How could I ever.." I can't even bring myself to finish my thought. Xena pulls us down, our arms and legs tangling together as we seek to be as close as possible. I wonder if in the morning, once again, she'll be a different person.