Janus came out and relocated the cart to the bar kitchen with a thumb up to Virgil before he pushed the cart away. Remus worked swiftly with the mop, mostly spending extra time under the tables and otherwise mostly passing over the floors. Virgil was antsy out here, fighting with himself about staring at the bar. Looking at it wouldn't get him drunk and it would just make him more upset, so he had to not look at it. That made the most sense.
Virgil put his head down on his knees and tried to not think about all the various ways he could not think and be more comfortable and happy. And maybe he was trembling, but there was nothing he could do about that. His heart rate was normal according to his watch, so he was fine other than the fact that he wanted to be out of his gourd so desperately he shook.
He could… do a rail when he gets home. Hell, he could freebase at home. He had no alcohol there since he hated drinking alone. But he had extra snow. He didn't have to be sober. But then what if he doesn't sleep and then has to do more coke to keep awake and functional tomorrow? Oh, no. This was what he was afraid of before because then he's having another panic attack when he comes down tomorrow. Fuck. How was he going to stop himself? He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled himself tight.
He slept so much today that maybe he can't sleep tonight, anyway. Maybe he's already doomed. He may as well just do a small bump. At least he could have a pleasant time. How much damage could it do? Maybe—
"Virgil, are you ready to head home?" Remus put their hand on Virgil's shoulder, interrupting his near panic. How long has he been freaking the fuck out?
"Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go, let's go, let's get out of here, gotta get home!" Virgil rambled out, holding up his arms with his eyes wide open.
"I can't tell if you're excited to be away from the alcohol or panicking, honestly." Remus looked at Virgil oddly and tugged on Virgil's arm to check his watch. "Well, it's probably not a panic attack." They shrugged, keeping a hand on Virgil's arm. "Come on, we've got to clear out of here so Janus can lock up." They pulled at Virgil's hoodie and led him off the bench.
"Yup-yup-yup." Virgil nodded and bounced on the spot as he waited for Remus to move.
"Is he alright?" Janus asked as he watched Virgil wring his hands and sway.
"He's afraid of getting into cars, so maybe that's what's happening? Either that or he's still freaking out about being sober," Remus suggested, examining Virgil curiously.
"I'm fine! I'm fine and dandy and things are wonderful, it's great, I'm fine, happy to not go outside alone." Virgil nodded wildly and rocked on his feet as they stepped outside. Remus kept Virgil wrapped up under their arm.
"Right," Remus and Janus both drawled. Well.
"I really am happy to go outside with company," Virgil muttered and pressed closer to Remus, who rubbed Virgil's shoulder reassuringly. "Thanks for giving me a ride." He looked up at Remus with a weak smile.
"Are you okay with the ride now?" Remus asked, sounding amused.
"Better than dealing with my brain while walking home on a bum hip." Virgil shrugged slightly, the uncertainty still obvious from the waver in his tone. "I want to just have an off switch and turn off the thoughts because I can't take them anymore. Who even wants to be sober? This is awful and I hate it." Virgil threw his hands in frustration and grumbled as he shoved them in his hoodie pocket.
"I don't think most people deal with what you're dealing with up here." Janus patted Virgil on the head. "Will you be okay overnight?" He looked at Virgil with concern.
"I can—" Virgil coughed twice. "I mean, uh, yeah, sure," he mumbled sheepishly.
"Yuh-huh." Janus sighed heavily. "Goodnight Remus, Virgil. Drive safe. I will see you tomorrow." Janus waved and headed off to one of the two cars left in the parking lot.
"Gonna go home and hit the slopes?" Remus asked, sounding kind of off as they led Virgil to their car.
"I'm already not going to sleep. Who cares?" Virgil grumbled bitterly. "Maybe I can just do it once and crash and pass out like I was drinking. I don't even know how people fall asleep without alcohol. You just lie there? I don't buy it." Virgil kicked at a rock in the parking lot. Remus pressed a button on his key fob and a black sedan in front of them clicked unlocked. They opened the passenger door and helped Virgil in before heading around to the driver's side. They buckled in right away, prompting Virgil to do so as well.
"Do you want to try it the normal people way? I meant it when I said I don't mind the bed company. You don't want another repeat performance of today, but with less sleep. The bus stop is about a half-block from my apartment. You can look up how early you need to wake up and the route and stuff on your phone. I'll probably just go right back to sleep after locking the door after you, you don't even have to worry about me," Remus suggested and motioned with their hand. Virgil stared at Remus in confusion for a moment. "Phone? So I can enter the start address," they clarified what they were trying to do.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry." Virgil reached into his pocket and passed off his phone.
"It's cool. This way you know where we're headed and don't freak out so much." Remus flashed a grin at Virgil.
"I didn't even agree yet," Virgil murmured.
"Were you ever going to turn it down, though?" Remus laughed in a quiet, breathy way and punched the address in before handing the phone back to Virgil. Well, he wasn't going to decline, but it felt rude to assume.
"Oh, I know this area. I don't have to wake up that much earlier," Virgil smiled at his phone screen. Remus started up the car and backed out of the spot by turning and placing their hand on the back of the passenger seat.
"Yeah, I just don't walk since I don't want to get mugged and I spend most of my shift on my feet." Remus turned onto the roads and drove into the night. Virgil didn't know how they managed this. Driving was so scary, but Remus looked perfectly fine and confident, holding the wheel with one hand and leaning back in the seat.
"If you wanted to call out sick, you could catch up on some sleep with me," Remus suggested, turning at a red light.
"How do you even know I'm going to sleep?" Virgil asked incredulously, setting an alarm after bookmarking the bus route.
"Patented method. If you're still wired when we get upstairs, I'll wear you out myself." Remus winked at him.
"I, uh, what?" Virgil stammered, almost choking on his own tongue. His face felt so hot it hurt.
"It'll work," Remus shrugged.
"I—that's not what I was confused about," Virgil stumbled on his words and shoved his hands and phone in his hoodie pockets.
"It's some exercises that are high effort without being high energy. They can burn the last of that energy. You said you were going to take care of yourself better, right?" Remus glanced at Virgil out of the side of their eyes. "Oh, did you think I meant sex? I'm not opposed, but I doubt it would help you feel more comfortable sharing a bed with me… And frankly, you don't even know where you've been," Remus stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh, I should really get tested, huh," Virgil looked down. He doubted he'd been having that particular brand of contact, but it wasn't like he'd actually know. "I don't have any symptoms or anything. You're right that the idea makes me nervous. I'm iffy enough with going home with you. I'm only able to trust you because Janus expects to see both of us tomorrow and knows I went home with you," Virgil admitted guiltily. "I know you haven't been—"
"No, I get it. I'm not the worst, but you're always afraid of the worst," Remus nodded. Oh thank god, they understood. It sounded so mean. "Congrats if you don't have anything. Either you're passing out as soon as you get to their place, you're more a fan of digital stimulation, or you're immune to all STDs," Remus chuckled and Virgil enjoyed watching the way their torso moved when it did. It makes it seem so jovial.
"Here's hoping. I guess that's another downside of not remembering anything." Virgil chewed on his lip and looked at his shoes on the dark car floor.
"It'll work out one way or another. They can treat most of those now and even cure a good hunk." Remus shrugged slightly.
"Thanks." Virgil nodded, shifting his eyes to watch the streets through the window. Remus wasn't going that fast, probably exactly the speed limit. He should be fine, right? It's no faster than a bus would go and the roads were mostly empty. He should be fine. They weren't going to crash and burn and die in a horrible flaming death. No way, they weren't even going fast enough, right? Unless something was wrong with the engine and it exploded and melted their faces before it killed them properly, so they'd suffer—
"Almost there, Virgil. Just take a deep breath," Remus reminded him, patting his thigh. Virgil nodded and took a deep breath while gripping at the seatbelt, which cut into his dry hands. Remus drove into the lot of what looked like a brownstone apartment complex. They were smaller looking and had that German architecture flair. Remus pulled up to park right at a sidewalk leading up to the doors and came around to let out Virgil when he didn't move right away. Remus tugged Virgil in again and stepped up to the curb with Virgil, heading him straight down the first sidewalk to a rustic brown door.
Remus unlocked the door and let them in, locking up behind them. The apartment was as small as it seemed, but it was heavily decorated here, to the point it looked cluttered. There may have even been the remnants of a Rube Goldberg machine set up over the bookshelf. There was a giant plush couch and old wood furniture in the living room. It vaguely smelled like one of those diffusers in here. He couldn't place the smell at all, but that was normal with his shit sense of smell. Remus kicked off their shoes on the narrow tile section at the door and Virgil followed suit. They stepped into the kitchen and Remus poured them two glasses of water.
"Alright, you're wired from the freakout, right?" Remus asked, putting the cups on the edge of the pass-through table. They headed behind the couch and rolled out two yoga mats, then pulled Virgil over onto a gray one right next to Remus. "Don't worry about keeping up, just do it as long as you can. First thing is a plank." Remus dropped onto the floor and propped themself up on their arms and toes. Virgil was very bewildered, but he did the same, moving much slower.
They went through a short exercise routine together, and Virgil had to agree that he was incredibly unhealthy only twenty seconds in. Planking looks easy, but it feels impossibly hard. Virgil collapsed while Remus held it effortlessly. Virgil took some deep breaths, and when Remus shifted to the next thing, he listened carefully and kept at it.
None of these exercises involved much moving, but were all more focused on holding a pose. He understood what Remus meant by high effort and low energy, now. Virgil was a sweaty, panting mess by the time they finished, even though he had barely moved. He wasn't freaking out anymore, which was a nice bonus even if he felt disgusting.
"Okay… I think you're too tiny for most of my clothes. I think I have some old pyjama pants that might cut it. You could also Winnie the Pooh it, but I'll get your clothes in the wash while you shower. That's part of the patented method. Hot shower for the sore muscles. Come on." Remus held out their hand and helped Virgil off the floor. Virgil downed the glass of water on the counter before Remus led them to a small bathroom with a combo-tub shower.
"I'll take the pants." Virgil sighed and shrugged off his jacket before sliding his electronics onto the bathroom counter. Remus pulled out a fresh rag and towel. "Shouldn't you go first?"
"Nah, you probably won't take long. Don't wash your hair and you'll be fine." Remus patted Virgil's back and pulled out an unopened toothbrush. Virgil nodded and Remus left the bathroom. This was weird. This was weird, right? Well, whatever. Virgil wanted to learn the patented method and his sweat was built-up, sticky, and gross after getting sweaty so many times today. He had a chance to shower and he could take it.
It only took Virgil about fifteen minutes to shower off and brush his teeth altogether. He came out of the shower to a pair of black and grey plaid pyjama pants on the counter. They looked too big, but they had a pull tie, so it would probably be okay. There was also a shirt that would have been a tent on Virgil that he wasn't sure he wanted to wear. If he rolled and it yanked on his neck, he'd have a fit.
Virgil dried off and hung up the towel and wash rag on the towel rack and slid on the pants, putting his phone in his pocket and watch back on. He didn't know where to put his keys, though. He exited the bathroom and set them on the pass-through. That was in sight of the door. It should work. Plus, he wanted more water.
"Awesome. Park your ass on the couch," Remus looked up to Virgil from the couch. They were setting up something on the TV. They had no comment about not wearing the shirt, so Virgil was in the clear about his kind of odd fear. He put the glass back down on the counter and came to sit down where Remus was patting their hand. "Food or nature?" Remus asked.
"Uh, nature," Virgil didn't understand the question and responded with a rising inflection. Remus set it to a nature documentary and chucked a soft blanket and a proper pillow at Virgil.
"I'll be right out. Enjoy the droning British man and bountiful vistas," Remus ruffled Virgil's hair before disappearing into the bedroom. Virgil turned to the TV and buried himself under the blanket. It was cool in here without a shirt or a jacket, but if Remus suggested washing Virgil's clothes, he probably had a weird smell. Probably the stench of sweat, bar, and industrial cleaners, which sounded unpleasant.
Virgil laid back on the couch and watched a camera pan across some lush natural valley as he tucked the blanket around himself. Being alone in someone else's house was definitely weird. He was right where Remus wanted him, though, so at least he didn't feel like a trespasser. Virgil was also feeling more relaxed than he thought he should have in someone else's house. Suspiciously relaxed. He watched Remus dispense the water, so it wasn't like Remus put anything in his drink, but it was the first thing his mind jumped to. Maybe exercising and hot showers were just nicer than Virgil thought they were. Exercising with a partner was easier, too. Virgil would have given up after just planking at home. The classical music and rambling about nature were also pleasant.
He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, just relishing the soft couch and how the fuzzy blanket was finally feeling warm and cozy. A cold glass bumped into Virgil's hands and he opened his eyes and looked up to Remus leaning over him.
"Tart cherry juice. Helps produce melatonin. Finish it before I get out of the shower," Remus winked and walked off again. Virgil looked at the glass of dark red juice curiously. The drink was so dark and deep it looked like a Petite Sirah. Virgil wasn't a fan of wines or fruit juice, but he had his orders.
Virgil sipped at it, and it was so tart that he actually kind of liked it. There were only about four ounces in the tumbler and he finished it quickly and took it to the kitchen to rinse and wash it in the sink. Virgil set it up to dry and buried himself back under the blankets to warm back up. Why did Remus keep it so cool in here?
A few minutes later, Remus sat on the couch in the shirt Virgil left on the counter and a pair of pyjama shorts. They placed two mugs on the coffee table and moved it closer, then pulled up the blanket and joined Virgil under it. Virgil leaned on them, figuring this was what Remus wanted. Remus hummed and settled in to watch the documentary. Honestly, Virgil wasn't paying that much attention to it. He wasn't retaining any information, but it was nice to look at and there was classical music that swelled over scenic views, and that was lovely.
Remus eventually leaned forward and grabbed the mugs, passing one to Virgil before pulling him back in. Remus took a sip of the drink with a small exhale of relaxation. Virgil tried his best to sniff it, but all he knew was that it was hot tea from looking at it. The smell wasn't strong enough for his nose. After a tentative drink, it seemed to be some kind of chamomile blend. It warmed Virgil back up, and he enjoyed holding the hot mug in his icy hands.
By the time the documentary was over, Virgil had finished the tea and was feeling cozy against Remus. Remus had switched the TV to some kind of guided breathing thing with calming music and a rainy backdrop. Remus and Virgil followed the directions together in a pile, and while Virgil didn't do great at clearing his mind, his heart rate did drop and he was feeling more restful by the minute. Virgil got up for a bathroom break and there was another meditation queued up. This one was some kind of meditation combo hypnosis for sweet dreams, which sounded nice in theory, so he was happy to play along.
Virgil melted against the couch when Remus got up to handle the mugs after the video. Virgil didn't feel like moving, and Remus didn't seem to care at all when they hefted up Virgil and dropped him off in bed. There was a vague, soft citrus smell in the bedroom and a white noise machine going. Remus tucked themselves in after a few minutes and pulled Virgil close.
It was nice to have such a soft blanket in a firm, cool bed and a warm bed partner. Virgil didn't particularly care that he wasn't falling asleep right away. It was dark and cool. What he could smell was nice. The sounds were drowning out the anxious chatter in his head. The calming music and relaxation meditations were fresh in his brain and made him feel good. Remus was on to something.
Remus was out within a few minutes, and their even breathing seemed to guide Virgil's own breath slower and deeper as he laid with them in the pitch black room. Virgil listened to the white noise hum on, letting it take over his brainwaves and calm down his head even further. He didn't feel like opening his eyes to the darkness. He felt safe enough with Remus here, even though they were asleep. Virgil didn't even notice when he dropped off into slumber. It just happened, and he rested in blissful nothingness.
— ≛ —
The alarm going off in Virgil's pyjama pants shook Virgil from sleep. Waking up was so jarring that he nearly threw up. The memory that he had the one rule was not to horf in bed was all that came up in the fog, and he reacted as fast as he could. He peeled himself out of someone's arms with some difficulty and rushed into the bathroom.
He washed his face and used the toilet, but the world felt tilty and awful. Virgil was terrified that he might throw up. He genuinely thought he was going to every other breath. The horrendous experience woke up his brain enough to remember where he was. Virgil called his secretary shakily. He could barely deal with standing up. He didn't think he could handle changing his clothes or braving the metro system.
"Nance? Can you cancel my morning appointments? Up until about two pm? I don't feel great," Virgil mumbled quietly into his phone. He caught his exhausted face wracked with dark circles in the mirror and grimaced.
"Are you sure you shouldn't take the day off?" Nancy asked back with concern.
"I'm just going to try to sleep it off. I don't think I can handle any kind of transit right now," Virgil grumbled rubbing his face. "I shouldn't have anything this morning that I can't reschedule to this afternoon, right?" He asked hopefully.
"I'll confirm with them, but there are no high priority meetings today. But see a doctor if it persists. You have something on Friday you can't reschedule," Nancy reminded him. Oh. Right. Schedule things. His brain was half awake, but he knew it was something he had to do today.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Thank you, you're wonderful. Order yourself something tasty. Can you check my calendar and see if I can take a long vacation? Email me the time slots. Relatively high priority, please. I don't mind having to shove a lot into this week to do it," Virgil grumbled. She started to reply, but his stomach cramped violently and he doubled over. "Nance, I'm sorry, my stomach. I've got to go. Bye," Virgil hung up immediately and dry-heaved over the sink. He knew nothing was coming up since his mouth wasn't watering, but it was awful nonetheless. For a moment he thought he was going to vomit, but he survived it puke-free.
Virgil ducked into the kitchen for some cold water he sipped at and leaned against the wall. Should he go home? No, no travel. His fucking stomach was killing him. He wanted to return to bed, damnit. He remembered last night, and he knew he was cozy as shit and he wanted that back. Virgil climbed in with Remus, who pulled him closer. He was feeling so dizzy and awful that he was grateful when Remus gave him a half-asleep hug that reassured him enough to conk out.