A painful stomach cramp woke Virgil up, and he curled in on himself automatically. He saw he was alone in a bed he didn't recognize and panicked, his eyes shooting wide as he looked around the room. Then he noticed the time on the clock saying it was past noon and his breath hitched. He was missing work! Virgil coiled up and gasped, not sure what to do. He fucked up so badly. Had he ever fucked up this badly? What the fuck was going on? Why the fuck was he crying and gasping and twisted so tight he couldn't move?
"Woah, woah, virgey!" Remus hailed, and the bed bounced Virgil and Remus pulled him up. "What the hell, I was gone for like three minutes," they muttered and everything was so loud. Virgil shook his head, not sure what was happening either. "Okay, uh, you went home with me so I could help you sleep instead of doing a line. I think you called your office about work. It's me, Remus, the bouncer from The Corridor. The bar you basically live at. We did nothing, we just slept," they listed off a few things and pried Virgil off of himself, pulling him straighter.
"Breathe deep, come on," Remus reminded him. Virgil nodded over and over until he managed to take a deeper breath. "In two, three, four, hold two, three, four, out two, three, four," Remus counted off. They did sets of four until Virgil could catch on and Remus lengthened out the count each time until Virgil was limp against Remus with a tissue Remus handed him and hiccuping.
"That… sucked. Sorry, stomach hurt me awake before my brain woke or something. I don't know what the fuck that was." Virgil breathed and wiped his eyes and a small amount of blood from his nose. He still felt completely desolate and unsure, but his memory was finally coming back to him. "I think"—a hiccup cut Virgil off—"I need a bump," Virgil muttered. Remus looked panicked for a moment before they blinked a few times and their expression cleared.
"You know I've got none here. Just breathe. Are you feeling alright? I mean, other than the panic. Like, sicky," Remus asked, rubbing the un-bruised portion of Virgil's back.
Virgil paused and peered down at his stomach, trying to figure it out. He tried his best to check in with himself. He strained for a moment, just getting nothing but the desire to do some coke until he found something else to focus on. "I'm starving, actually," he responded in surprise. "Do you want me to get us food? Whatever you like, my treat. I can also get out of your hair. Sorry that I didn't leave earlier." Virgil sighed and shook his head.
"First thing's first, how'd the patented method work?" Remus asked brightly, looking proud of themselves.
"It's so successful I'm missing work." Virgil laughed weakly, slumping in on himself.
"It's probably fine, food first. Did you want to order in or go out to eat? I never say no to a free meal." Remus had a mad grin to him that Virgil didn't quite understand.
"Order in, if that's okay. I'm not ready to deal with bright lights and sounds yet. Or even the outdoors. Why am I hungover?" Virgil grumbled and rubbed his head.
"You're probably intoxicated so much that you've only got highs and hangovers in you for a while." Remus laughed through their nose. "I like lean protein for breakfast/lunch. You can exercise with me until it gets here. Chicken, brown rice, peanut butter, smoothies, eggs, that kind of stuff," Remus suggested what to order.
"I can order half of that if we get chicken satay. I could also go for a smoothie, too." Virgil pulled out his phone and opened up a delivery app. He searched up the food with Remus looking over his shoulder.
"Hey, that one's got brown rice and veggie skewers, order from there." Remus nodded and pulled Virgil in for a hug while he ordered. "An orange ginger smoothie might help with the hangover, but that's all pseudo-science, so who really knows," they proposed.
"That's enough science for me. Do you want a smoothie?" Virgil asked, rubbing his eyes to try and get them to focus on the screen.
"Sure. Whey protein green tea something," Remus answered. Virgil scanned through the menu of a random nearby smoothie place. "That one. Dark chocolate matcha. It tastes like a licking a rock with chocolate powder on it, you'd probably like it," Remus pointed and snickered. Virgil added it to the order and looked for an orange-ginger thing. He found a citrus one with ginger and turmeric and stuff that sounded bitter as shit and ordered it all. "You want to work out with me until it gets here? That's what I normally do around this time. I know you won't be able to keep up, but learning how is probably worth it," Remus ruffled Virgil's hair and smiled into it.
"You're really affectionate, huh?" Virgil sighed, not feeling strongly against it, but mostly confused by how Remus kept hugging him now that he wasn't panicking. Did Remus do it often and Virgil didn't remember? It was nice, though. It didn't hurt any and wasn't freaking him out. Maybe it was because Remus started it, or maybe because they were so careful about how they touched Virgil. He had no idea.
"You're easy to affect. Come on, come sweat your ass off with me. It's more fun with a workout buddy." Remus pulled Virgil up off the bed. "Go potty, I'll get stuff ready." They pushed Virgil in the bathroom's direction and went into the kitchen. Virgil rolled his eyes and did as asked. At least all the curtains were closed.
He came back out, in loose pyjama pants, hungover, and not sure what the fuck was happening, and Remus was planking again. Oh, joy. Virgil stepped down onto the mat and joined them, probably planking very badly. Remus corrected his form but didn't comment when Virgil collapsed ten seconds later.
They kept on like that for a while. Lots of Remus's workouts were focused on using the body alone, and Virgil was under the impression he needed equipment and stuff to start. There were a few things they did with weights, but Remus just gave Virgil a filled water bottle instead, which Virgil appreciated. He wasn't able to keep up with Remus in the least, but he was learning how to do it for a few repetitions or seconds until he had to stop. If he moved his shoulders too much, the bruises hurt, so he didn't join the push-ups and Remus didn't tell him to. Remus had Virgil's whole body burning in what felt like no time at all.
Once they got into burpees, Virgil just gave up. He watched Remus do it instead, breathing hard while laying flat on the mat. Remus continued to explain the form and what they were doing to Virgil, who still dutifully observed. It was educational, but if Virgil had anything on his stomach at this point, he might throw it up. He couldn't believe Remus woke up and did this. But then again, Remus was fit, healthy, not hungover, and explained they normally ate first while talking Virgil through the steps.
Remus joined him lying on the mat and focusing on breathing for a bit as part of a cool-down exercise. Virgil wasn't sure if that was a real thing or if they were humouring him. It probably didn't matter. Virgil's phone pinged with the umpteenth email this afternoon and he checked it. Oh. It was Nancy, with a bunch of vacation time slots and that if he can't make it into the office soon, she'll cancel his 2:30. He could possibly make the 2:30. When did he ask for vacation time slots? Virgil closed his eyes and tried to think.
"You smell like a barnyard animal, it's amazing. Go shower again. Your clothes are clean." Remus was standing over him and held out their hand to help Virgil up. Virgil huffed and headed into the bathroom, where his clothes were in a pile on the counter. Huh, that was nice of Remus.
He probably smelled awful. Virgil's sweat might be 30% alcohol by volume. He chuckled to himself and hopped into the shower. The heat was pleasant, and it helped with his pounding head. He scrubbed off hastily and changed, since Virgil figured Remus might also need a shower. Virgil came out of the bathroom and threw himself onto the couch. He was god damn mother fucking exhausted. Virgil was proud of himself, though. This was presumably the most he'd taken care of himself in ages.
Remus tagged into the shower while Virgil took a couch not-nap with that fuzzy blanket. He hid his head under the pillow for good measure. Just lying in the dark was all a hungover person ever really wanted. Other than maybe a triple cheeseburger. Wait, why did Virgil want a triple cheeseburger? His stomach got mad by thinking about it. This was stupid.
Virgil jumped and accidentally launched the pillow to the floor when there was a knock at the front door. Remus came out of the bathroom shirtless with a towel wrapped around their shoulders and draped over their chest and headed to the door. Some delivery person was either about to have a great day or a funny story. Remus was cackling at the door, so they certainly got a reaction.
"It's not illegal." Remus snickered to themself as they headed over to the counter and put the food down. "Come on scrawny, let's eat." Remus flipped their fingers at Virgil, who picked up the pillow and folded the blanket on the couch.
The pass-through that jutted out into a breakfast bar-type thing just barely sat two of them. Virgil refilled their glasses and Remus took out the two orders of chicken satay and smoothies. Virgil's smoothie was bright yellow and Remus's drink was a gross, desaturated shit-green. Neither were particularly appetizing, but when Virgil cracked the lid off of his, it smelled of citrus and that was enticing.
Virgil accepted the container that was passed to him and opened it hungrily. He couldn't remember the last time he ate a full lunch, and he had every intention to finish it. He picked up a satay skewer and dipped it in the sauce to enjoy right away. Remus wasn't far behind, but they had a few sips of the smoothie first. Remus ate ravenously. It was almost a sight to behold. Virgil's stomach couldn't handle food right away, so after the first bite of satay he backed off to nurse his smoothie until the cramping nonsense settled down.
He really thought he was fine, but he wasn't sure how long he was writing off all this stomach pain. It fucking hurt, now. He probably had lots of internal issues. God, he might need new teeth, too. Don't think about that. Eat the vegetables.
"You okay, Virge?" Remus nudged him with their shoulder.
"Stomach hurts. Panicking a bit. Trying not to think about it. I've been gumming for a while and might need all new teeth. I wonder if I can just get veneers," Virgil rambled out and stopped himself by shoving a bite of food in his mouth.
"Hm, well, you can get sick vampire teeth installed while they're at it." Remus shrugged. Huh. That would be cool. Probably not that professional, but most of his department had coffee staining on their teeth. They might not notice some fangs unless he pointed them out. They notice very little, in general.
"I thought sick werewolf teeth would be more up your alley," Virgil joked after he managed to swallow a bite. Okay, he was feeling better again. He maybe just needed to push through the whole eating thing or he'd be here for three hours.
"It's not like you can bite me with veneers either way. They're purely for show." Remus shrugged and said plainly. "Oh, to be turned by a reformed crack addict," they lamented playfully and ate another satay skewer.
"In that Twilight thing, if they survived getting turned, all their imperfections and illnesses were fixed, right? I wonder if I can ask the vampire mafia to turn me so I don't have to do a rehab program," Virgil joked, picking up a skewer.
"Ah, yes, flying to Italy and pestering thousand-year-old jerks who only turned humans who were subservient to them for years is much easier than a couple weeks of inpatient and a few months of outpatient," Remus said sarcastically and side-eyed Virgil as they chewed. "Actually, when I was quitting, I would have taken any shortcut, too. I considered blood-letting, of all things. I nearly bought leeches." They sounded bemused with their antics, at least.
"We can't all find a lonely boy who died in a plague who is into khaki skirts." Virgil chuckled once through his nose.
"I didn't realize you had read them," Remus stated plainly.
"An old girlfriend in college was a film major, and she liked to put on bad movies and drank whenever something was done awfully. I've seen parts of it. I never knew when to drink, so I just drank they stared at each other or it was awkward. I only remember stuff I laughed at. Honestly, I didn't even know that about the vampire mafia," Virgil explained, picking at his food. Stomach it, damnit!
"I only read things that people told me were bad as some kind of rebellion, I think, so that's relatable," Remus hummed, sounding unsure. "Girlfriend, though? You don't seem the type, honestly," they added.
"Yeah, I radiate the gay when I'm not in a suit, trust me, I know," Virgil responded with exasperation.
"And went home with your alpha-male kind of dude dealer last week," Remus added, pointing a skewer at Virgil.
"Nobody's my type. I tried to force it, she was one of them. Don't get me wrong, I like the contact and closeness, but…" Virgil trailed off.
"Romance isn't up your alley," Remus finished his sentence. "Good god, you must have gotten trashed at the Twilight movies, then," they realized, sounding deeply amused.
"Yeah, without the romantic filter, it's almost all awkward. We watched them in a row and I don't remember much. Janus said I'm not broken or anything, but… I don't know, all movies are like that…" Virgil sighed despondently and sipped at his smoothie. Well, the drink was good. "I like people and companionship just fine. But I don't have this weird sixth sense everyone else seems to have when they look at someone." Virgil slumped and shoved some grilled vegetables in his mouth in spite of his stomach. "Do you have the… internal magnets or whatever?"
"I guess? I don't feel them that strongly, if I do. Most people slip under my radar, but there are a few people I'm into. I have to be close to them, normally. As a bouncer, though, it's invaluable. No nubile 18-year-old will ever slip past me because I'd like to slip them something." Remus cackled and snorted. It was so surprising that Virgil was taken aback and laughed, too. He nearly choked on his smoothie. Remus patted back three times hard, and it cleared up and Virgil chuckled raspily. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I just didn't see that coming," Virgil took a deep breath.
"That's what she said." Remus winked and Virgil barked a laugh so loud they coughed. "Still, though, you feeling alright? I'm nearly done and you're barely halfway there." Remus pointed to Virgil's food with an empty skewer.
"I'm trying, I'm trying." Virgil chugged a few sips of the smoothie and went for another chicken skewer. "Food hurts," he added in explanation.
"You've got this. Food'll help recovery." Remus nodded sagely.
"My hip feels kind of better today. The bruises still hurt, but I think that's manageable as long as I don't have to raise my arms." Virgil worked on his food as fast as he could stomach.
"Hey, great news!" Remus beamed and went back to eating. Virgil tried his best to catch up with Remus, since he didn't want to impose any longer than Remus would tolerate, but Remus still beat him by a solid five minutes. Virgil finished it all, though, and nursed his smoothie for his stomach ache. Remus cleaned it all up before Virgil could even figure out how to move.
"Sorry," Virgil mumbled.
"I threw away some trash. Do you need a ride somewhere? I can't imagine a guy with your money is completely free all of today." Remus leaned against the kitchen wall and watched Virgil curiously.
"I have a 2:30 and so on, so I need to get home and change and cover up this fucking shiner by 1:45 probably." Virgil sighed, leaning against the table.
"I'll give you a ride home. I need to head out for groceries, anyway," Remus shrugged and headed into the bedroom, probably to finish getting dressed.
"Thanks," Virgil called after them. "And thanks for babysitting me all night," Virgil added loudly.
"Hey, I've been there, and it's nice to have company every once in a while," Remus replied through the open doorway. Virgil heard some dresser drawers sliding open and closed while he sipped his smoothie.
He was getting really antsy to do a rail, and he couldn't wait to get home. His brain felt like shit and he was exhausted and his stomach hurt and a rail could fix all of that. Then he could have a good meeting and finish his workday. He needed to try to not do as much blow or he couldn't stomach that cake and he wanted to eat it, damnit. Actually, he was still hungry despite eating all that. Ugh. This is all confusing.
— ≛ —
"Virgil, how large of a tab do you think you racked up last night?" Janus asked incredulously while holding the bills out for Janus.
"The… rest is a tip. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused," Virgil replied guiltily.
"You slept in the back for a few hours and helped us close. Yes, I got upset when I saw your blood pressure and such, but that didn't mean you're in trouble or something." Janus scoffed and put the money in the register under the tray, despite his protests. "Did you survive alright?"
"Yeah, Remus got me to sleep and showed me how to do a ton of exercises. I ate a whole meal. I did still do a bump right when I got home today, but…" Virgil trailed off.
"Was enough sleep good enough to get through the morning without coke?" Janus asked, sounding strangely intense about it.
"Some blow would have cleared up that hangover right away." Virgil rolled his eyes.
"Virgil." Janus huffed and went back to making a vodka soda for a customer. After he handed it off, he put his hand on his hip and glared at Virgil. "And then would make the hangover worse. Don't forget that. How's scheduling that vacation going?"
"Tentatively, on next Wednesday I'm off for sixteen days. My secretary and I are still trying to move things around. You think that's enough?" Virgil asked weakly. He didn't want to do this. He knew he didn't exactly have a choice, though. Virgil wasn't okay and Janus was going to drag him there whether or not he liked it.
"I think so. Detox takes up to twelve days, I think. I'm pretty certain you can tell them when you need to be back at work by and they can work with that. I'm signing you up for the longest program either way." Janus smirked. "Don't worry, the place I found is very cush and on your insurance." He smiled brightly, looking like a dashing bastard. Virgil regretted answering Janus's texts today with that information. "So, what's your poison?" Janus stated, putting his hand on the bar.
"You think a sidecar would go well with that cake?" Virgil asked, leaning on an arm and drumming his fingers.
"I don't see why not. And it's very on-brand for you. No one can say you don't get enough vitamin C. Where am I cutting you off tonight?" Janus asked smoothly with a small amused glance at Virgil.
"Can't I just drink more reasonably?" Virgil objected meekly, partially holding up a finger.
"I'd rather have a line I can draw that you approve of," Janus responded flatly.
"Five drinks, then, over the course of the night? And you can sass me for going over four," Virgil suggested hopefully.
"I'm going to sass you either way. The only way I'm letting you order that much alcohol is if you order food. And it doesn't have to be from our kitchen. You're the only person in the bar with a free pass to bring in outside food," Janus replied pointedly. Virgil sighed and rested his chin on the bar. "Let's call it four drinks, and the fifth one can only be earned if you finish an entire meal of my choosing." Janus crossed his arms with a sly smirk.
Oh, Virgil wasn't getting out of this. He knew that grin meant there was no escape. He'd seen it a million times before in meeting rooms on higher-ups. Virgil pulled out his phone and brought up the delivery app and just passed it off to Janus. He took it and shot Virgil a charming, toothy smile before focusing on ordering Virgil something that was probably huge that he didn't want to eat.
"Don't forget I'm already eating a cake slice." Virgil waved his fingers at Janus, who nodded distractedly. With one hand and bending from his knees, he grabbed a black take-out box from under the bar and slid it towards Virgil wordlessly. Virgil shot Janus a weird look and cracked it open. Oh, shit, this thing looked soaked with brandy. Janus held up a fork and Virgil took it tentatively out of Janus's hand.
His stomach hurt. He had no appetite. He had a big lunch. Well, for him. Virgil had no idea how he was going to manage this piece of cake and a meal. But that might have been Janus's plan in the first place. Janus slid Virgil's phone back to him on a delivery screen with an evil smile and turned around to make the sidecar. Virgil at least got to enjoy Janus mixing drinks. He always worried that he was being a bother, but Janus looked happy to mix something every time.
Janus poured the mixed drink into a glass with a flourish, raising the shaker so the drink fountained into the glass. He slid two lemon slices onto the side and served it to Virgil with a wink. Virgil's face felt a little hot, and he picked it up to sip it. He felt better after the nice cool drink calmed him down. It helped that it was entirely delicious. He'd rather have another sidecar for dinner, but he'd be okay. It didn't seem like he had much of a choice.