Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.

Previously: Radek and company were caught offworld in a dangerous place with bombs and bullets (chapter 119), but (last chapter) they were rescued. By Rodney and his team, of course… What? They're the stars of the show.

Chapter 125. What's Best.

Anna blinked at the ceiling overhead and realized that she'd been asleep a long time… The sun stretched across the floor and reflected up on the ceiling. She turned to see Radek sitting up in bed against a few pillows, contemplating a bowl of green Jell-O. She slid from under the sheet, and got her feet on the floor before he noticed her.

"Good morning, malá."

"Good morning." Anna put her fingers on the edge of his bed, embarrassed at the tears in her eyes. She looked around the infirmary. Everyone was busy with their work, too busy to notice her. Doctor Beckett must have gone to bed a while ago. Maybe he hadn't even seen Radek wake up.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He nodded, but didn't look one-hundred percent sure about his answer. He looked so… pale. And tired. It might have scared her, but he wasn't dead. So it was a good morning. "Good, yeah." He put his spoon in the Jell-O and slid it aside. "Just hungry. For real food. Not this… whatever Jell-O is."

"Collagen."

He smiled at her.

"When you get better I can make you something. Anything you want. What do you want?" She took a deep breath, her eyes trailing down to the spot under the sheet where skin and muscles were held together by a piece of string. Covered in blood yesterday.

Tears gathered to her eyes. Again.

"We can think about that later, okay?" he wondered.

She nodded. Doctor Adams stood behind his console. Doctor Cole sat at the computer next to the door reading some files. Doctor Keller walked up to Doctor Adams and started talking about an x-ray sheet in her hand.

She glanced at Radek. "Can I give you a hug?"

He chuckled. "Sure, just—"

Anna didn't give him enough time to finish whatever it was and slid her arms around him.

"Uh…" he mumbled and held his breath for a second. "Be careful."

She turned her eyes into his shoulder and didn't let go. She hoped she hadn't hurt him, but there wasn't much worse she could do against the gunshot he'd already taken. She shouldn't be crying. He was okay, wasn't he? At least, he was here, even if not exactly okay.

"I'm glad you're here," she whimpered.

He gingerly returned the hug. "Yeah, me, too." He sighed, put one hand on the back of her head, gripping a handful of her hair. "Anna, I'm so sorry."

Anna sniffed and tried to stop her tears. Didn't know why he was sorry. He was the one who'd been shot. He was the one who was okay. The only thing she'd wanted for the past two days was to hear it was a mistake. It was a mistake, and he was sorry?

"I shouldn't have brought you here," he went on. "We shouldn't be here. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to go through things like this."

Anna took a slow step back and searched his face while she smudged the tears off her own. "What?"

"We should be on Earth. I shouldn't have brought you here."

She shook her head, unsure for the moment why she thought that staying on Earth was no better or worse than living here. Of course, on Earth, physicists didn't do anything particularly exciting. They built spaceships thousands of miles away. They stayed in labs, thinking about life's inconveniences and biggest questions. They tried to avoid weapons of mass destruction, but, if they couldn't, they just tried to sleep at night.

That wasn't exciting.

She sat on his gurney next to him. "Don't say that."

"Malá…"

She shook her head again, this time more emphatically. Like that would somehow make her argument stronger. But she couldn't speak, so it was all she had.

He put a hand on her knee, took a deep breath like moving hurt. "We have to go back. Don't we?"

"But I want to be here."

"So do I, but… I can't be selfish." Radek turned his eyes down on the sheet covering the bed. "This isn't good for you."

"I have so much here," Anna said. "Don't you?"

Leaving Atlantis meant more for both of them than just leaving his job. It meant leaving Iskaan. It meant leaving Elizabeth. It meant leaving all their friends, the scientists that worked for Radek. John and Ronon. Rodney.

"It doesn't matter, Anna. None of that matters."

"Don't tell me it doesn't matter." Anna slid off the gurney and faced him. Maybe he wasn't thinking of all the consequences. He was on a lot of painkillers, right? "It matters to me a lot, and it matters to you." Her mind raced. What did she have to say to remind him how important it was to be here on Atlantis? How much they didn't want to leave…? "You love Elizabeth, don't you?"

"You first; you're always first."

"People die on Earth, too," she snapped.

Radek stayed silent, then. Maybe because he was thinking the odds were much higher he'd die here than on Earth. Anna was sure Mom would have thought that, too, if she had the opportunity to think of living in another galaxy like this. But she didn't. She lived on Earth, and she died on Earth. And it was stupid to think that just because they lived on Earth they were safer.

"I know they do," he said finally.

She blinked at the floor, trying to chase her tears away again.

"I know that doesn't make any sense." She covered her eyes with both palms. She was allowed to make no sense right now, though, right? Radek just came back from the dead less than twelve hours ago. Nothing made sense. "I know it doesn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Radek sighed, waving her to come closer. "Come here…"

She leaned into him; he wrapped his arm around her. There were so many things she wanted to do, so many things she hadn't finished. So many people she loved and wanted to keep around.

"I only want the best for you..."

#

Radek tried to stand up once. It was like throwing a fire alarm. Doctors and nurses poured in from nearby rooms that Radek didn't even know existed. They helped him up off the floor with some very stern words about not ripping his stitches and bleeding everywhere.

Radek leaned back and watched everyone go about their business. Hoped Anna was having a good lunch. What Radek wouldn't give to have an actual lunch in the mess hall. Doctor Cole said maybe tonight they'd let him leave. Let him have food. Real food.

"Bored?"

Radek smiled toward Elizabeth's voice, though he wasn't sure why anymore. It wasn't as if things were good between them. Or good for him in general right now. "You have no idea."

She leaned over him and kissed his forehead. She stayed close enough that he could feel her breath on his head. "Never do that to me again," she whispered.

He looked up as she backed away. "There are other things I'd rather do." Radek looked at her sideways, scolding himself for his second words to her after coming back from the dead.

Was it fair to say she started it?

Elizabeth sighed and sat down, seeming to frown only to keep from smiling. She reached for his hand, and he gave it. "But you're feeling better?" she asked hopefully. "And Anna, she's…?"

"I'm not dead, so no real complaints." She was still enthusiastic about fighting him on going back to Earth, making a difficult decision even harder. Maybe Elizabeth would understand and see reason. Maybe she'd be able to show it to Anna. "But this was really a disaster."

"It turned out alright, though," Elizabeth reminded.

Maybe Radek was wrong. Elizabeth wouldn't get it. Everyone was so set in their optimistic delusions that they couldn't see how bad things really were here. From what Radek understood, even if the bullet didn't kill him, a nuclear explosion would have. Ladon Radim had a change of heart and decided to not let them get incinerated with Cowen and the rest of his men.

He did it for his sister. If he could put his plan in jeopardy for that, then Radek figured he could put a few of his own things in jeopardy for Anna's sake.

"There is no bright side to this," he said quietly. "You saw Anna, right? I can't let that happen again, you know?" This time, he disappeared and he was really mostly alive the whole time. But what about the next time?

There couldn't be a next time.

"Lorne will be giving some other scientists a test run on his team, especially since you'll probably be out for a month or more. But he seems dead set on having you…" Elizabeth looked amused. "Maybe because you're already broken in."

She just wasn't getting it.

"I'm not talking about the team," Radek mumbled. He watched her carefully for a response. "I'm talking about Atlantis."

She didn't get it at all. Her eyebrows raised and she frowned. "You're not serious."

"Elizabeth, you have to see this was a mistake."

She didn't say anything, but was clearly thinking about it.

"Today, I make it back alive, but what about tomorrow? What if the Wraith come here? What if the Genii do? What if your pet monster downstairs decides to be more monster than pet? What if there's something worse out there we don't know about yet?"

There was a long silence, during which Elizabeth finally nodded. She didn't agree, but she nodded. "You're right. You have to do what's best for her." She paused, looked around for a moment, and finally let her eyes settle on him askance. "Where does that leave us?"

Radek scoffed. He didn't mean to, not really, but he really couldn't believe it. "Now you're the one not serious. Elizabeth, it's been two weeks since our conversations were anything more than a 'hello' and 'goodbye.' What do you think, there is an us?"

"Alright, that's all I need to know. Thank you."

She sounded angry, and that only made him more so. She would blame him for this? She was welcome to, but he wouldn't. He'd had enough of that, thank you. With Eliška, it had been his fault. With Elizabeth? No, she walked away first. And she was walking away now.

"Thank you?" he said, unsure whether she'd pick up the longest conversation they'd had in weeks for it.

She stopped walking, but didn't turn around. Perhaps she was more upset than she'd let on, more than just angry. "I don't have many choices here." Was he imagining the cracks that showed through her voice? "The decision is made. I don't need questions right now; I need support."

"I won't ask questions," Radek said, and stopped.

He was going to tell her outright he couldn't support her, but that seemed… rude. She probably knew, anyway. When had he ever supported decisions he thought were wrong? Even to Rodney, his boss and a man that could make his life miserable without even trying. He would go over Rodney's head to stop mistakes-in-progress… at least, he liked to think he'd do that, if lives were imminently at-stake. That was why he was here. He was cautious in a way that killed careers greater than his own. If it saved the lives behind them, then he was fine with being second-rate.

"I suppose that's something," Elizabeth said. She turned back around, apparently having regained her composure.

"You were worried about your professional integrity because of our relationship. It goes both ways."

"I don't think it matters if you're leaving."

It didn't matter. It hadn't mattered for weeks now. But he'd done something like this before. In the end, it didn't matter what he said or who she blamed. She'd left first. But he wouldn't say that. She needed support, not questions. As long as it had nothing to do with the safety of the city, he wouldn't ask questions.

"You're right."

"Probably for the best."

"It is."

She nodded and spun to leave. Radek relaxed when she took a step, but she turned back. "You're okay with leaving it like this?" she asked.

He shrugged. Any attempts to fix it always made it worse. He ought to know better by now. Besides, he didn't feel much like trying. He was tired. It was probably the injury, the medication. He'd regret this tomorrow. Or not. It was hard to tell like this.

"Does it matter?"

"I think so?" She waited, didn't say anything else for a long time.

Long enough for Radek to decide he didn't want to bother with trying either way. A quick surge of empathy reminded him that the last time he'd said anything like this, he was the one being left. At least now he knew it didn't feel any better from this side.

"It's best."

Thank Yous

SabreKai - Thank you for reading and commenting; I'm very glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully it continues to be fun.

Next time: It's my job.