I am Sad

by Veritas Found

The first time, she claims, was an accident. The second time he's not so sure. The third time was definitely intentional. (Or: in which Marinette is sad, and tired, and can't see Luka anymore, so Ladybug does instead.)

Title: "I am Sad"

Author: Veritas Found

Rating: M / PG-16 / Older Teen

Characters/Pairings: Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng; Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng

Summary: The first time, she claims, was an accident. The second time he's not so sure. The third time was definitely intentional. (Or: in which Marinette is sad, and tired, and can't see Luka anymore, so Ladybug does instead.)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes/Warnings: Rating on the safe side for language and the sentimonster, but honestly more T than M. So this was written for the 7/14-21/20 LBSC Sprint Challenge, using the prompt: "Luka visits Marinette as Viperion–who he believes has no clue who he is. This is how he chooses to pursue Marinette since he's too shy to in person." Except I kinda reversed it? And set it after Truth? And threw some Angsty Second Chances in for kicks? Oops? (And went on for about 10-11 sprints to boot. Three found me at about…1200 or so? Double oops. When we say "the rules are more like guidelines, this is what we mean. xD)

Just a reminder: LBSC Sprint Fic Challenge Guidelines: Three 15-minute sprints to write the fic. 24 hours to edit/post. (Come say hi! Join us in the challenge! It's a great group full of cheerleading and spitballing and zaniness!)

"I am Sad"

The first time it happened, he didn't notice her.

He wasn't noticing a lot back then.

It had only been a few days since the…breakup, he guessed, except it had felt weird calling it a breakup when there had barely been anything to break to begin with. He hadn't actually been dating Marinette. He'd been trying to date her, but looking back at those few weeks they had danced around each other he was pretty sure they'd never actually completed a full date. So if they'd never actually gone on a full date, did that honestly make what they'd been doing dating? Had he actually been her boyfriend?

…if he was honest (and wasn't that the whole point), it had felt like a breakup. He'd called himself her boyfriend, even if only in his head. Just because they weren't actually 'dating' in a traditional sense didn't mean what he'd felt – what he still feels – for her had been any less real. He'd been in it, one hundred percent, even if she…

Anyway.

The first time Ladybug paid him a visit (that hadn't been related to work), he had been too lost in his depression bubble to notice her.

Because it had been a bad night, full of sad songs and sadder memories, and he'd been camped out in his favorite deck chair as he stared at the fairy lights and played broken melodies for nobody in particular. For a girl with breathtaking eyes and a dazzling smile that had been missing for far too long in particular.

He'd just finished one and was letting the last note echo across the quiet deck when he heard it.

A gentle sigh, heavy as a heartbreak, carried on the breeze.

He'd sat up and looked around, confused because he'd thought Juleka was with Rose and his ma was out drinking with Roger, when he saw her. Ladybug, Paris's beloved spotted heroine herself, sitting on the roof of the greenhouse, her legs tucked against her chest and her cheek pressed to her knee. It was too dark to be certain, but he thought…her cheeks looked shiny. Like she'd been…

But then her eyes had opened, and she'd caught him staring, and she'd gasped again as she jerked upright.

"S-sorry!" she'd squeaked, and then she'd scrambled to her feet and ripped her yoyo from her hip before tossing it out towards the city. "I'm so sorry!"

…if he was honest, because that was always the fucking point, he hadn't been entirely sure what she'd been sorry for as she zipped away.

– V –

The next time it happened, she made herself known as soon as she arrived.

It was a few days later, and he was back above deck in his favorite lounger when he heard the whirring of her yoyo. He'd left his guitar below deck, his mind too dark and stormy for even the music to help, so it was an easy sound to notice – especially when it was followed by her feet thudding against the boards.

"Ladybug?" he asked, sitting up in surprise. She had landed a few paces away from his chair, and she stood there almost…awkwardly. Nervous. With her eyes on her feet and her hand rubbing her elbow. It was a weird look for someone he usually thought of as fearless. "Is there an akuma?"

"No," she said, giving a quick, jerky shake of her head. "There's no…that's not why I'm here."

"Ok," he said, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. Anything to appear less…less, to make her more comfortable. Her unease was making him uneasy, and he'd been uneasy enough lately. She finally looked up at him and seemed to notice, and the way she seemed to deflate at that only made it worse. "So what's up?"

"I…just wanted to apologize," she said. He lifted an eyebrow, and she took a deep breath. "For the other night. For…I was on patrol, and I heard you playing, and…I didn't mean to intrude."

"You weren't," he said, shrugging slightly. He supposed if he was going to play in the relative public of an open deck he couldn't be upset if someone wanted to listen in.

"It felt…kinda personal," she said. "Your music. I didn't mean to listen in like that, but I couldn't…and then you saw me, and I felt like such a creep, and –"

There was a familiarity in her rambling that he'd find endearing if it didn't hurt so much. His chuckle made her stop, and when she looked at him that familiarity crinkled her eyes.

"All music is personal," he said easily. "You're not a creep, Ladybug. If I was going to be upset about someone eavesdropping I should've stayed in my bunk, right?"

"That's not fair," she said, almost automatically. "Up here is still your home, too. You should be able to play without random superheroes dropping in."

"I didn't even know you were there until you ran off," he chuckled. There was a bittersweetness to her smile that reminded him of…

"It was really good," she said, and he hummed as he looked back at her. She was biting her lip and looking out at the river, almost as if she was too embarrassed or shy to look at him. Or… "You're really good. Talented. It…it sounded sad, though."

"I am sad," he said. He didn't miss the way she tensed at that, or how her head snapped back to him. He smiled, even if it didn't reach his eyes.

"You…you are?" she asked, and he nodded. She took a step closer before she seemed to rethink it.

"Don't worry," he said, his lips quirking. "Not sad enough to get akumatized again. Just…sad."

And there was that look again, as if she was sad, too. As if she felt responsible for his sadness. As if she shared it.

"…yeah," she said. She bit her lip again, and that time she took a step away. "I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I just wanted to apologize. For…for everything."

"Ladybug –" he started, moving to stand, but she was already gone.

– V –

"Are you still sad?" she asked the third time, a few weeks later. His guitar was back in his lap. She was sitting on the railing across from him, her toes tapping against the metal.

"Are you?" he asked, and maybe he felt a little bad about the way she sucked in a breath.

"I'm never sad," she said, and his fingers stilled on the strings. He wondered if lies tasted as bitter as they sounded. From the way she squirmed under his knowing gaze, he figured they did. "I'm not sad. I'm…tired."

"…yeah," he said, nodding, because he guessed he could believe that. Ladybug had been under a lot of stress lately, with Hawk…Shadowmoth getting stronger, and the increased akumas, and Chat doing whatever the hell Chat thought he was doing lately, and…she wasn't calling in the temporary heroes as much anymore, not since their identities had been outed by Miracle Queen, but he'd been back in the field enough to hear the snippets of conversation. Words like Guardian. The weight and implications a word like that implied. He imagined things couldn't be very easy for her right now. "I'm tired, too."

Because he was. He had trouble sleeping on good days – the music in his mind too much, too loud and pressing, until his fingers itched and burned with the need to get it out – and he hadn't been having a lot of good days lately. What sleep he did catch anymore was always interrupted by heartbroken eyes and choked apologies. The ghost of a feeling, the memory of the last time he'd held the most important thing in his world in his arms.

"You should try and catch some sleep, then," she said. She stretched her leg out to toe at a knot in the deck, one they had unsuccessfully tried to cover up with purple paint. "It's really late, Luka."

"You can't be much older than me," he chuckled, glancing at her from under his bangs. "Probably younger, really looking at you. Isn't it a school night? You need sleep, too, Ladybug. Can't defend Paris if you're not getting your rest."

"Sleep's overrated," she muttered, and he wondered what ghosts chased her around when she closed her eyes. He didn't press, though. He never pressed. That just wasn't who he was. So he leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and played.

If he fell asleep there, and if he woke up while it was still dark with a blanket tucked around his shoulders and Ladybug gone, well…that was his damage, wasn't it?

– V –

She never came during the day.

Only at night.

And only late.

He was starting to lose count of how many times she'd stopped by, though.

"You again?" he teased when she dropped down behind him. He'd pulled a chair next to his own, as if he'd been expecting her. She bumped her shoulder into his when she plopped into it. "I'm starting to think you like me."

"Maybe I do," she teased, and there was that familiarity again. The light in her eyes, the slight squint of her nose, the bit of teeth in her smile…something twinged in his mind, something he knew he best ignore, and so he did. "Maybe I just like the music."

"I'll have to make you a thumb drive sometime. Unless you have a superhero e-mail I can send a playlist to," he chuckled, but that seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Her smile faltered, and he frowned. He left the subject behind as easily as he'd found it. "Still tired?"

"…no," she said, shaking her head. She paused to reconsider. "…yes. Still sad?"

"Always," he sighed. Her eyebrows rose at that, and he tipped his head back to admire the fairy lights. Almost unwillingly, he began to play a song he…well. The first few days, he'd played entirely too much – and then, when it had become too painful, not at all. It was an off-limits song now. One he still couldn't get out of his head and was no longer sure if he wanted to. One he was starting to hate as much as he loved, and wasn't that a fine line?

"People like you shouldn't be sad, Luka," she said. His laugh was…not bitter, not exactly, but not right, either. "Why are you sad? You've never told me."

"Can't a teenage guy just be sad, Mlle. Bug?" he asked, tipping his head towards her again. His smile felt wistful. He didn't miss the way her eyes dropped to his lips, or the way her tongue poked out to wet her own. "Thought moodiness and teenager went hand-in-hand."

"I don't like you sad," she confessed, turning on her side and curling up in the chair. She hugged her knees and watched him, something miserable in her stare. "If you're sad…if people like you can still be sad, what am I even doing this for? You deserve only happiness, Luka. I want you to be happy all the time."

"No one's happy all the time, Ladybug," he said. He looked back at the lights, ignoring the way his heart twisted at her words. He didn't know her – hardly knew her, knew barely anything about the girl behind the mask, but…he knew she was kind. Knew she had a heart as big and as open as the sea. She had to, to give so much of herself to a city that would never know her name. To care so much about whether or not a boy she barely knew was happy. "I'm allowed to be sad. And you do what you do so that people like me can be sad without the danger of that sadness turning us into rampaging monsters."

"You were never a monster, Luka," she was quick to say. His lips twisted at that.

"I stole people's voices and forced them to tell the truth," he quipped. "Some people would say that's a monster."

"Some people don't know you very well," she huffed. His eyebrows rose when he looked back at her.

"And you do?" he asked gently. Her brow furrowed, and he stopped playing Mar…he stopped playing. "You barely know me, Ladybug."

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, too.

"I know you better than you think," she said, her gaze suddenly fierce despite the pain still clouding her eyes. "And you are not a monster, Luka Couffaine."

She was standing before he could process what had happened, her yoyo already in her hand.

"And you deserve to be happy," she bit, and then she was gone.

– V –

"Ok," he said a few nights later. She had caught him on the little stage Kitty Section used to practice, an old camping lantern set up on a crate as he touched up his nails. At least he had been, until she'd asked if she could help. It was weird, having a superhero do your nails. "I'm afraid it's not a very good story, though."

She hummed, but she didn't lift her head from his hand.

"Why I'm sad," he said. She stilled, and he could almost think her hand was shaking as it held his. "It's pretty average, really. Boy meets girl, boy gets stupid over girl, boy dumps girl. Or girl dumps boy. It…was a mutual parting of the ways. Anyway. That's all it is. Just a stupid boy with a stupid broken heart."

Her hand was definitely shaking.

"You…" she started, but the words seemed stuck in her throat. She swallowed, but that didn't seem to help.

"I was…trying to date someone, yeah," he said. His lips twisted a little. "Just…wrong place, wrong time, I guess. She wasn't ready to date, and I pushed her a bit more than I should have, and in the end…it was an end. I couldn't be one more unwanted thing in her life."

"You're not unwanted," she said quickly, fiercely, and her grip was suddenly tight on his hand. He looked up to find her eyes were locked on him, just as fierce and upset as she sounded. He'd say she was angry, but what did she have to be angry over? "You didn't push her."

"That's kind of you to say, Ladybug, but you don't really know, do you?" he asked with a wry twist of his lips. "It just…wasn't our time. And I still love her, and I still want to be with her, but I'm not going to force something she doesn't want."

"I'm sure she does," she said, and when he looked up at her she sucked in a breath – as if she hadn't meant to say that. "It…it's just…who wouldn't want you, Luka? Whatever happened…I'm sure she still wants you, too. I'm sure she still loves you. She'd be an idiot not to."

"Don't say that," he said, shaking his head. "Ladybug, please. Don't…Marinette's a lot of things, but she's not an idiot. She's the most extraordinary girl I know. Absolutely amazing. She's not an idiot."

"She is, though," Ladybug murmured, turning her eyes back to his nails. She let his hand go after a moment, because hers were still shaking. He could see it in the way she had trouble closing the vial of nail polish. "She is so fucking stupid."

…he didn't think he'd ever heard Ladybug swear before.

She ran away before he could ask her what she meant.

– V –

She didn't visit him again for a while after that, but he wasn't entirely sure it was his fault.

Shadowmoth got pretty active, sending a string of akumas after the city in only a handful of days. Chat was strangely absent during that time, but Rena Rogue had stepped up. He still wasn't sure how he felt about that, but Luka had always had mixed feelings about the fox heroine. Still, Ladybug trusted her, and he trusted Ladybug, so it wasn't really his place to speak up against Ladybug's decisions.

"I'm sorry to ask this of you," she said about a week after her last visit. The sun was high in the sky, and he knew from his phone so was the akuma. "But I need Viperion."

She held the familiar bangle out for him, and he took it without question.

Despite whatever was going on between them (and he wasn't even sure it was anything, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd upset her somehow, and that upset him), the mission came first. She was counting on him, and he wouldn't let her down.

– V –

"I had a boyfriend," she finally confessed. It was a few days later when she had finally shown up again. He hadn't been waiting for her, not exactly, but there had been a…thrumming, almost, under the skin. Something akin to the tang of ozone in the air before a summer storm. Something that told him she was on her way.

It was strange, how he was almost coming to expect her. How he'd feel sad if she didn't show.

"…really?" he asked, eyebrows raising as he handed her a mug. It wasn't cold, not really, but it was cooler than usual for that time of year, and the breeze off the river was always colder. He'd read her as a tea person, and he hoped he wasn't wrong. From the way she smiled when she sipped the drink, he figured he'd guessed right. When she didn't continue, he grinned at her. "I never said I had a girlfriend."

Her head snapped up at that, her eyes wide. She seemed…hurt, or at least surprised.

"You…you said…" she started, and he shrugged as he leaned on the rail beside her.

"I said I was in love with someone and we tried – and failed – to date," he said. He looked down at his own mug – filled with cocoa, because he was five at heart and the sweetness made him think of bakeries and warm smiles and… – and smiled a little sadly. "I never said Marinette was my girlfriend."

"She wasn't?" Ladybug asked. There was something choked about the words, but he didn't want to look too closely at that. "But…if you were dat…trying to date, and you loved her…"

"I would have liked her to be," he said, humming a little as he watched the whipped cream in his mug melt, "but…trying to date is not dating, and I don't think…it doesn't matter what I felt, Ladybug. I don't think she considered me her boyfriend."

"Your feelings do too matter, Luka!" she snapped, her grip tightening on her mug. She leaned towards him, and he wondered at how easily he seemed to piss her off during these visits. At how her fury was always directed at his defense. "Stop…stop acting like you aren't important! You are so important, and you matter, and –!"

"Ok, ok," he chuckled, reaching out to clasp a hand on her shoulder. She froze at the touch, and he wondered if he'd been reading all of this wrong. He'd almost come to look at her as a friend, after all these little visits. He squeezed gently before letting go. "Thank you, Ladybug. I appreciate…but the point still stands. Even if I considered her my girlfriend, I don't think it was mutual. I don't think she was in a place where it could be mutual."

She watched him for a long moment, her eyes glassy and pinched in the low light. She finally looked back to her mug, frowning.

"…I had a boyfriend," she said again. The tears in her voice – the heartbreak – was unmistakable and coldly familiar. It felt like a second skin by this point. "But superheroes can't have boyfriends, and in the end…in the end I had to break his heart."

"That's bullshit," he said, and she nearly dropped her mug as she jumped and stared at him. His head was tipped back, and he was frowning at the sky. "Superheroes can't have boyfriends? Who told you that garbage?"

"…no one," she confessed uneasily, "but it's how it's worked out. It's what experience has proven true."

"And what about Rena and Carapace? They're dating," he said. His nose scrunched as a plane flew overhead. "And Majestia's married, isn't she? With kids? That's bullshit, Ladybug. You can date if you want to date."

"It's not the same," she huffed, and he looked back down at her. "It's different for me."

"How?" he asked. He turned towards her as she fidgeted, shifting from foot to foot. "No, seriously. If Majestia can pull it off, why can't you?"

"Because Majestia isn't the Guardian of an entire Miracle Box!" she snapped, throwing her mug to the deck. Her eyes widened in horror as her tea spilled and the metal mug spun overboard. She looked back at him, nervous, but he could honestly care less about one lost mug. It wasn't the first, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. "Because…because Majestia was born with her powers, and she doesn't have to follow so many stupid rules about identities and secrets and…and I couldn't be honest with him. I couldn't tell him who I was, because Ladybug can't have a boyfriend, or a family, or anything besides Ladybug. And that was the only thing he wanted. And I couldn't give it to him."

…he didn't know when they had reached this point, where he could pull her towards him in a hug and not be afraid of how she'd react. Where she was comfortable enough around him to cling to him the way she was, where she was comfortable enough with him to let her tears soak his shirt.

"Ladybug is human, too," he said, holding her tight. "Ladybug is allowed to love someone, and she's allowed to not tell them her identity if it's too dangerous. But she's also allowed to trust them with that if it'll make the burden easier. That's what a relationship is, Ladybug. You share yourself with someone and make each other better. Stronger. So you don't have to carry all of this on your own."

"…I can't," she whispered, pressing her face so hard against his chest her nose was hurting him. Her hands fisted against his back, pulling at the fabric of his hoodie. "And I'm tired, and I'm sad, and I miss him, and I just want him back, and he can't even know why I had to hurt him so bad…and I'm so tired, Luka. I'm so, so tired."

"Then rest," he whispered, brushing his fingers through her hair as he held her head against him. She choked on another sob, and then another, and at some point they sank down against the railing, and she crawled into his lap, and he held her until she had cried herself to sleep.

She was gone when he woke up, a blanket wrapped around him and a cold mug of cocoa by his feet.

– V –

"So you know Marinette," he commented the next time she swung by. They were hunkered under a blanket, lying on their stomachs on the upper deck and playing that stupid penguin game his sister's friends seemed to like so much. She hummed – she had told him as much, or at least alluded to it, but he supposed that made sense. His sister's class was pretty…akuma-prone, and Marinette usually found herself in the thick of things. He still ignored the twinging in his mind that insisted it more than made sense. He smirked a little when he scored a point and she scowled. "But I don't know anything about your boyfriend. So, tell me, Mlle. Bug. Who was dashing enough to capture the heart of the savior of Paris?"

She rolled her eyes and bumped her shoulder into his. He scored another point.

…he was pretty sure, if Juleka and Rose had been playing, there'd be a lot more kissing going on. But him and Ladybug, they were just friends – and not the kind of friends who did things like kiss.

There was only one girl he was really interested in kissing, anyways, and she didn't want to kiss him. Not anymore.

"I don't think you could call him dashing," she snorted. "That's more a Chat thing."

"So not Chat Noir, then," he teased, and she snorted so hard she almost dropped her side of the screen. She ducked her face into her folded arm to muffle her laughter, but her legs kicked back so hard she hit his butt. He grinned as he scored another point, and then another.

"Chat wishes," she scoffed. She frowned when she saw how far ahead he was. "You're cheating."

…she kissed his cheek, and her lips felt like fire against his cool skin. He was so surprised he froze, and she let out a little whoop as she finally scored a point. He blinked at her as she started humming, smiling and kicking her feet like…like she had no idea what she'd just done.

And she called him a cheater.

"You've been part of the team long enough, M. Snake," she said. Her smile slipped as she nudged his arm. "Hey. C'mon – game's still on."

"…right," he coughed, looking back at the screen. Catching up was easy, and she groaned as he scored another point. "So. Not dashing, then."

"Dashing enough, I guess. Not by Chat's standards, but he's always there when you need him. Even if you don't realize you do," she said. She bit her lip, her thumb shaking before she smashed it on the screen of his phone. "Not lately. Not…I haven't given him much reason to be. I guess…that's what happens when you…when things end. They stop being there. Or you stop letting them be there, at least."

"I don't know," he sighed. "I haven't stopped being there for Marinette. I mean…she's been staying away. Not that I blame her. I told her to take whatever time she needed. I'm still here whenever she needs me, though. I guess that makes me pretty bad at breakups, huh? Still wanting to be in her life so much?"

"I'm worse," she scoffed. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and that twinging panged again. This was too familiar. Too… "I should leave him alone. I should let him move on."

"You're not?" he asked, glancing at her. Her avatar had stopped moving. Her eyes were closed.

"I'm low-key stalking him, if you must know," she said. "He's gonna be really pissed when he finds out."

"Really? Upstanding citizen like you? How scandalous," he chuckled. She hummed. The phone chirped, and his eyes glanced back to the screen to see she had scored another point.

"I'll feel worse about it later," she said. "Right now I just miss him too much. It's probably not healthy, and we should both just move on, but…this is the happiest I've been in months. And maybe it makes me selfish, but if this is the only way I can have him in my life anymore, I'm going to take it."

"So…not sad anymore?" he asked. She bit her lip. The game was forgotten, even though she was staring straight at the screen.

"…still sad," she mumbled. "Sad because I want to tell him the truth, and I still can't. Sad because I want him to know I trust him more than anyone. Sad because I want him to hold me again. Sad because I want to kiss him. Sad because I want to pretend like the past few months didn't happen, like Ladybug doesn't matter, like I can just be M…me, and we can just be us, and we can both be happy again."

He looked down at his folded arm, at his hand fisted against the deck, and felt the weight of her in a whole new way. He knew how she felt, better than she knew. He wanted all of that, too. For her and for him.

"…yeah," he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against hers. "That would be really, really great."

–V –

"Second Chance."

It hits him the same every time, that jerk-pull-tug that sends him hurtling through time until he slams into the past. Dazed and disoriented with barely a second to catch his bearings before he's reaching out and grabbing onto Ladybug's wrist, whispering what went wrong and what went right and what they should try again because this time, this time, they have to win.

It's the same.

Every.

Damn.

Time.

Except this one.

"Ok," she said, nodding as he tells her how the last plan had failed. She scanned the battlefield, nodded once, and flattened her back against the wall as the sentimonster whizzed by. She looked up at him, determination in her eyes. "So not trying that again."

"If Chat throws himself in front of the damn thing one more time, I'm not resetting," Viperion grumbled. Ladybug snorted, and they shared a smile that spoke of too many nights hidden in the moonlight. "Don't give him a chance this time, Mlle. Bug."

"I don't do it on purpose, M. Snake," she said with a roll of her eyes. The sentimonster passed again, and she nodded. "One more."

"Then you'll have your opening. Don't –" he started to say, but Chat was already flying through the air with a whoop and a holler.

"CHAT, NO!" she screamed, and he watched as she pushed away from the wall and ran – straight into the path of the sentimonster's spinning blades.

"Ladybug!" he shouted, running after her. It all happens in a blur.

Every wasted timeline is a blur.

He tackled into her, knocking the wind from both of them as they rolled across the street and under a truck on the other side. They came to a stop with him on his back, clutching her to him, and it doesn't hit him at first. He heard the shaky breaths, and he thought it was just exertion. Adrenaline. They were ok. She was ok.

She's Ladybug.

She's always ok.

"That was close," he laughed, patting the back of her head before pulling back. "You ok, Ladybug?"

…but she didn't answer.

His stomach was warm.

Why was his stomach warm?

She wasn't panting. She was gasping. Rattling, shaky breaths that were wet and choking. Wide, terrified eyes that stared at him in growing horror and confusion.

A bright, dazzling pink light that washed over her, the mask that disappeared last to reveal freckles he used to spend entire afternoons counting as eyes he loved to get lost in filled with tears and how, how could he not have seen it before when she was right fucking there?

"I couldn't tell him who I was…and that was the only thing he wanted…"

"Ma…Ma…Mari…" he choked, the name sticking in his throat like…

"L…Lu…" she coughed, and it was wet, and her hand curled on his shoulder, and –

"SECOND CHANCE!"

It hits him the same every time, that jerk-pull-tug that sends him hurtling through time until he slams into the past. Dazed and disoriented with barely a second to catch his bearings before he's reaching out and grabbing onto Ladybug's wrist, crushing her against his chest before she can run out in front of that stupid supercharged sentimonster with the stupid fucking blades who does that Shadowmoth come the fuck on and whispering what went wrong (except the one thing he can't, won't, could never tell her beyond it was bad and you need to stay safe) and what went right (nothing, nothing, it's all going wrong) and what they should try again because this time, this time, they have to win.

They have to.

There is no other option.

– V –

She left Sass with him, because for some reason she couldn't understand the battle had left her more drained than usual. She gave him a coy little smile and winked as she told him she'd be back for the kwami later, that she trusted him to keep his Miraculous safe. And he watched her go, his eyes clouded and haunted as she swung her way through the city, going in a direction he knew would take her away from her home because…

Because he knew where home was now.

Because he knew a lot of things he wasn't supposed to know now.

Because he finally understood, and he didn't know what the fuck to do with that understanding.

"I'm low-key stalking him, if you must know. He's gonna be really pissed when he finds out."

…he supposed he kind of was, but not for why she thought.

Because Luka was sad.

And Luka was tired.

And Luka was so fucking tired of being sad.

And maybe – maybe – he was also a little terrified, and maybe a little bit irrational, because maybe he had just held his girlfriend as she'd died, damn it, and…

…ex. Ex-girlfriend.

So he shared one long, knowing look with Sass, and when the kwami nodded he tossed him a half-eaten granola bar that had been melting in his pocket. It wasn't as good as the eggs Sass preferred, but it would have to do. A few moments later, the only sign Luka had even been in the alley near the Seine was the discarded granola wrapper blowing with the other trash in the street.

(…he'd have to volunteer an afternoon with Mylène to make up for it. Later.)

– V –

The sun was setting when Viperion touched down on the balcony of one Marinette Dupain-Cheng. It was earlier than Ladybug had ever visited Luka, but perhaps that was why Viperion knew she would be there.

And she was.

The fairy lights were on, the skylight was propped open, and her phone was resting on a speaker that played the soft chords of a familiar guitar. A playlist he had sent her of original recordings – one he hadn't realized she listened to anymore. One that was singing her to sleep, as the girl in question was curled up on the chair she'd set up there. A blanket twisted around her, and her arms clutched a doll to her stomach.

…a Viperion doll.

He knew she had made Ladybug and Chat Noir dolls. Knew she had made dolls for Rena and Carapace, and Lady Wifi and a few of the other akumas. Knew the little girl she babysat for liked to play with them. He hadn't known there was a doll of him, though.

His grip tightened on the railing as his jaw clenched. He didn't know what to do with any of this.

In the span of five minutes (less, so much less, because it hadn't taken five minutes for Chat to ruin everything and that sentimonster to…), his entire world had been spun on its axis. He didn't know anything anymore.

…he had thought he'd known her. Did he? Did he really? If he hadn't seen, if he hadn't known…?

She was sleeping. She was actually sleeping, and he knew she needed her rest, but the expression on her face was anything but restful. In the soft glow of the lights and dying sun, he could see the tear tracks on her cheeks. If he listened, he could hear his name in the troubled murmur of her lips. If he thought too much about it, he could feel the warmth of her blood on him in the way she held her stomach.

He was moving without realizing it. She felt practically weightless in his arms as he lifted her, settling her in his lap as he took her place in the chair. He tucked her head under his chin, curling around her as he hummed with the music still playing from the speaker. Her nails scraped along the scales of his suit, seeking out the familiar fabric of his hoodie to bunch in. Her lips brushed against his neck, searing his skin as she whispered his name.

…she was going to be pissed when she woke up. Maybe. Maybe she was just as tired as he was.

A tiny gasp by the skylight caught his attention, barely audible over the music and the sound of his blood rushing in his ears. His eyes slid away from Marinette, over to where her kwami was frozen in place, wide eyes locked on him.

But he smiled, and winked at the little god, and…after a moment, it smiled back.

Marinette was going to be pissed when she woke up, but Viperion had a feeling it might be worth it. He also had a feeling it was an ire he'd have to face as Luka, without the superhero masks to hide behind. Without any more secrets.

Secrets were tearing them apart, after all, and he didn't want to be apart any more. He didn't want to watch her break any more.

"Sass," he whispered, his lips brushing against Marinette's hair. She snuggled closer to him, and his arms tightened around her. "Scales rest."

The sun set, and the moon rose, and Marinette slept on, and Luka held her close and chased the ghosts away. Luka eventually fell asleep, too, and for the first time in months…they both slept, and rested, and had only pleasant dreams.

And when Marinette woke, the moon high above them and Luka still sleeping beneath her, she wasn't pissed.

And she wasn't sad.

And, for the first time in months…she was happy.