I don't own any of Stephanie meyer's wonderful characters or anything else within this incredible universe she's created.
Chapter 5: Edward POV
I ran after Bella praying that somehow she could find the restraint necessary to not become a murderer today. Of course I could not expect that of her, it was simply not possible. No one had that kind of restraint. Even Carlisle hid from humanity for weeks when he was first changed. I caught up to her easily but when I found her I was dumbfounded. She was standing on a small cliff ledge frozen in place, like a perfectly carved marble statue. Her eyes were wild but her muscles were tense and locked and she appeared to be holding her breath. How was this possible?
"I'm so sorry Bella! I didn't realize anyone would be this far off the trail."
I could hear in my voice that I was begging, but begging for what? For her not to hate herself, to hate me, when she attacks this innocent human man.
"I have to go!" She hissed at me.
She was still holding her breath. Before I could wrap my mind around what was happening she jumped off the cliff side, plummeting to the ground below. As soon as her feet hit the ground she was running. I quickly step off the edge ready to chase her. I began following her scent as she ran. I noticed with pleasant surprise that she still smelled of lilac and freesia, except now instead of the sweet floral notes sending fire down my throat, they warmed me from the inside out. I noticed a different hunger. I had felt it before, when Bella was still human. The hunger was so dangerous to her then, just as much as the thirst had been. But now there was no thirst, and the hunger was no longer a threat to her. I couldn't break her anymore. Maybe we could be together in that way now… but she would have to forgive me first, and the things I needed to apologize for were growing by the minute. I became aware suddenly that if we continued on our current course we would be in the meadow in mere moments. Alice. I shook my head at her uncanniness. I guess it was time for the encore to our knot. As we entered the meadow Bella came to a halt. She looked down and noticed the flowers, which had blossomed even more in the few weeks since we had been here last. Once she sensed me behind her, her instincts took over. She crouched and let out a rather fierce snarl at me. She was so unbelievably magnificent.
"How did you do that Bella?" I asked tenderly. I raise my hands in hopes it will relax her fighting pose.
"What? Did you want me to kill him?" She spit at me. Her eyes were filled with adrenaline.
"No of course not! I just don't know how you did it. Mature vampires, those who have lived hundreds of years, struggle with stopping mid hunt. Bella you have more control than any newborn I've ever seen, you have more control than I had for the first 3 decades of my existence. I'm just wondering, how are you real? How are you mine?"
The words are pouring out of my mouth freely. I am still so amazed that I am even here with her.
"Am I yours?" Bella hurled at me.
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I always said I would leave when she commanded it. I guess she was finally saying no.
"I suppose you aren't mine."
I have to find a way to say goodbye and I love you at the same time.
"You belong entirely to yourself, as you always have. I had hoped that perhaps you could forgive me. But I see now that is impossible. I'll leave. You will need to stay with Carlisle. Please don't resent him, or the others, this was my doing. Please let Carlisle teach you. I'm so sorry Bella. I love you."
I turn to leave. I wonder where I will go. There is nowhere on earth I would rather be than here.
"I'm sorry what?! You're just going to leave?!"
I let foolish hope cloud my mind for just a moment. Maybe she could forgive after all…?
"Don't you want me to go?" My voice shivered as I spoke, I turn to look back at her.
"No you idiot, I love you and I want you to snap out of it and love me back!"
Her face was a mixture of fury and despair. She shouted with such intensity and raw emotion. I didn't have time to respond before she was shouting again.
"All I've ever wanted was you! And now we can finally be together, forever, and all you want to do is be all mopey and angsty! And I don't know what I'm doing and I have all these feelings I can't control and now you want to leave me?! How could you! I just want you to come over here and kiss me and tell me you love me and say everything is going to be fine! NOW!"
She looked like a petulant toddler throwing a fit, stomping her foot because she didn't get her way. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not only did she forgive me, but she wants me. She loves me. She called me an idiot, I wanted to laugh out loud! I was being an idiot. Instead of being all mopey and angsty as she put it, I should have waited for her to tell me how she felt. Alice was right, I never did take Bella's desires into account. I gasped at the thought of her desires, maybe she hungered for me too. I ran to her and bombarded her lips with all the evidence of my love. I kissed her zealously, all of my many months of careful restraint was gone now. We pulled each other down until she laid in the grass and I hovered atop her. She rolled us over, pulling me carelessly with her newborn strength. As I kissed her, my hands roamed freely on her body. The silk under my fingers was so delicate, I could tear it away with a simple caress. No. We have to leave one rule unbroken. I never thought I could understand Carlisle's beliefs so clearly, but he was right. There is no possible way my Bella could be damned. I broke away from the kiss slowly and brought my lips to Bella's ear.
"I love you, everything is going to be fine." Bella sighed contentedly. "Are you ready to go meet our family?"
I whispered, still positioned close enough that I could kiss behind her ear in between words.
"Ummmm…." Bella shuddered rather incoherently. Dazzled, I'm sure.
"I think we should hunt first, we still haven't eaten…"
Bella said the words slowly. Damn, she's right. I was never meeting her physical needs. I thought I would be better now that she was immortal but I guess not.
"You're right, I'm sorry dearest, you must be so thirsty."
I tuned into my hunting senses and noticed a mountain lion on the prowl about 30 miles east of us.
"I found you something more appetizing than the elk, my love. Follow me."
I pulled her to her feet and we began running. She picked up on the great cat's scent quickly, then she was no longer following me. She tracked the lion to a tree, he was waiting for his own kill down below. She snuck up behind him silently, as soon as he noticed her it was too late. She jumped on his back and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his stomach. She bared her teeth and tore into the lion's carotid artery. I knew I could find my own prey and finish feeding before she was done draining the lion, but I was too fascinated watching her hunt to even think of tracking down my own meal. The beast batted and clawed at her, letting out one guttural scream before she drained him completely. Bella pushed the carcass off herself and stood up. Her hair was wild and her dress hung in tatters, barely covering her. More of her skin was exposed now than I had ever seen and I looked away quickly. The universe was not going to make protecting Bella's innocence easy on me. I quickly unbutton my shirt and hand it to her. She slipped her arms in and had it buttoned in a fraction of a second. Her eyes appraised me bemused.
"Are you finished?"
I asked quickly before she could ask the question that was evident in her eyes.
"Yes. I feel kind of sloshy?"
She held her stomach as she said the words. I knew the feeling well.
"Okay, let's go home."
I held out my hand and she grasped it with her own.
"Home." She said with a satisfied smile.
Bella's POV
We ran home hand in hand. It's funny how such a small thing could bring me so much joy! I could have never done this simple task before, just running with Edward and holding his hand. Obviously I could never have run at Edward's pace before, but I couldn't have even run with him at human speed, much less held his hand! I could barely walk straight without falling as a human. I could get used to this whole "gracefulness" thing. When we were still a mile away from the house I could see everyone standing in the back, the dark tint on the wall of windows reflecting the light sparkle of their skin. None of them were in direct sunlight, only the shadow of the house protecting them, but the lack of cloud cover had most of the yard drenched in the sun's warm rays. Esme stood by Carlisle, her arms resting lightly on his chest as his arms were looped loosely around her waist. Esme's face was so warm and motherly. In her eyes I saw acceptance, love and tenderness. It made me want to run to her and embrace her. Carlisle wore a similar expression, but in his eyes were also curiosity and wonder. Drat, I would have to tell him about the morphine. Alice stood right at the edge of the shadow cast by the house, she looked to be bouncing slightly, impatiently. Her face held the same expression it had when she was seeing the dance studio in Phoenix. She must be having a vision. I hear Edward huff behind me, I turn to look at him, but he just smiles and shakes his head. I'll have to find out what that's about later. I turn back to appraise my new family again. I notice Jasper, leaning back against the house with his arms folded across his chest. He looks apprehensive. Maybe not everyone in my new family could accept me as easily. As soon as I thought of this, I search in the group to find Rosalie. She is standing close by Esme with Emmett on her other side. She has her arms straight by her sides and her hands balled into tight fists. Her face was a mix of smug and disgusted. Ughh what was her problem?! I may have been insecure and shy around her before but I certainly wasn't anymore. If she had something to say to me she better say it, or figure out whatever her issue was and get over it. I don't even want to look at her anymore. I turn my attention to Emmett and the huge grin on his face makes me smile. It looks like Rosalie's opinion of me hasn't rubbed off onto Emmett. I sigh in relief.
"Are you ready?" Edward says lovingly.
"Yes, I think so."
I am ready, I realize. I'm ready to start my life.
As I approach the Cullens, Alice runs to meet me. She pounces on me and wraps her arms around me with a bear hug. I am stunned at first, as my senses try to perceive an attack, but it only takes a fraction of a second for me to calm myself and return Alice's embrace. Alice laughs easily with her wind chime voice.
"Hi sister!" Alice says with a smile.
"Hey sister."
Over Alice's shoulder I can see Jasper, his mouth set in a hard line, his eyes gleaming with mistrust. Carlisle is holding him back lightly by the arm. This is when I really appraise Jasper for the first time, he looks ferocious! He is covered in scars, every inch of his visible skin has shiny moon shaped bite marks. How in the world had I never noticed them before? I suck in a breath and step away from Alice.
"Hey" Edwards voice boom behind me, making me jump slightly. "Jasper, cool it! You're scaring the hell outta her."
As soon as Edward said it, I realized the fear I felt was radiating out of Jasper. He was getting in my head, making me afraid on purpose? Why?? I focus all my energy on controlling my emotions, and within a few seconds my mind is clear. I open my eyes and look directly at Jasper. He locks eyes with me, confusion twisting his expression. He starts to open his mouth to speak, when Esme pushes her way past him.
"Bella, Darling!"
Esme's voice is full of motherly affection, she makes me feel so safe, so loved.
"We are so relieved that you're okay, we were all so worried."
Rosalie rolls her eyes behind Esme's shoulder.
"How do you feel, Bella?"
Carlisle asks in a soothing tone, his bedside manner would never cease to amaze me.
"Fine." I say simply.
I was fine, I felt completely normal. Other than the extreme senses and inhuman balance, I felt like regular old Bella. Jasper huffed behind Carlisle. I tightened my eyes as I looked at him.
"Seriously Jaz, calm down. She's fine!" Edward shot at Jasper again.
"Fine?!" Jasper snarled "she's a newborn, she is anything but fine. And pretending like she isn't dangerous will only make matters worse. We need to leave or at the very least you need to take her to a less populated area! I've never seen a newborn resist human blood. Not ever. You are being much too offhand about this, Edward."
Was it inevitable that I would kill someone then? Was today just luck, just a fluke? Was I a ticking time bomb? I felt Jasper's anxiety again and I fought against it.
"You don't understand Jaz, she stronger than me, maybe even Carlisle." Edward said calmly, Jasper's stress clearly not affecting him at all.
"Of course she's strong! She's a damn newborn!!!! What the hell are you talking about Edward?!"
Carlisle was truly holding Jasper back now.
"Jasper, you aren't hearing me! She stopped mid-hunt today, we came across humans and she stopped mid-hunt!" Edward shouted at Jasper.
Everyone stopped in their tracks and stared at me with mouths gaping, even Rosalie.
"She. Did. What?" Jasper said through clenched teeth.
"We were hunting, I thought we were far enough off the trail.. She was doing so well, letting her instincts lead her, then the wind blew. There was a human hiking off trail, she smelled him, and I thought it was over."
Edward spoke so solemnly, and understanding dawned across all his family's faces. I gave Edward an exasperated look, and he smiled at me.
"I ran after her, hoping I could deter her. When I reached her she was like stone, frozen in place, holding her breath… and she told me she was leaving, AND RAN AWAY!" Everyone gasped.
"She ran away on her own? You didn't have to coerce her?" Carlisle said with both shock and pride in his voice.
"Yes! Carlisle, she has the most restraint I've ever seen, she was in complete control!"
While I appreciate Edward's praise, he wasn't really telling the whole story.
"Not complete control, Edward, you're leaving out the part where I fought with you."
I said sheepishly, now that we were back on good terms again I regretted the way I had spoken to him.
"Fought?!" Esme trilled, looking fearfully between Edward and myself.
"Don't worry mom, she doesn't mean physically," Edward chuckled, "she means that she yelled at me. She told me I was being 'all moody and angsty' and I had to snap out of it. Haha she called me an idiot"
I hung my head in shame and embarrassment. Emmett bursted out laughing with such a boom I nearly jumped. He crossed the small yard towards me as he spoke.
"Bout time someone called old Eddie out!! Nice going little sis!"
Emmett held out his hand for a fist bump and I obliged him with a giggle.
"Ughh" Rosalie groaned with revulsion, with that she rolled her eyes, flung her perfect golden hair over her shoulder and stormed into the house. I felt a sting of rejection and a stab of anger at the same time. I meet Emmett's disappointed gaze.
"Don't worry about her, Bella. She'll come around."
Emmett spoke in a soft tone despite his gruff voice. That made me feel just slightly better.
"I don't understand." Jasper stated matter of factly, his voice almost devoid of emotion.
"I know this is difficult for you Jasper, but we should be grateful that Bella has such control, it's a blessing."
Carlisle spoke so paternally, laying his hand gently on Jasper's shoulder.
"Or maybe she's no newborn at all," Emmett teased "she's too tame." He wore a playful mocking smile.
"I would be careful if I were you, my girl is stronger than you think." Alice shot at Emmett smugly
"Wanna bet?" Emmett retorted.
"No! No more bets!" Esme chided.
"No, I want to see how this plays out! Maybe Emmett will finally learn his lesson!" Edward cheered.
"What's the bet?" I ask ruefully. I'd be happy to prove myself.
"Arm wrestling, winner gets to pick teams for the next ball game." Emmett says as he grabs a large boulder from the edge of the property.
"Loser hunts only bunnies for a month." I add, raising an eyebrow at Emmett.
"HAHA," Emmett bellowed "you're on, little girl!"
He drops the Boulder and positions himself in an arm wrestling stance. I mirror his pose on the other side of the rock. We clasp hands and Edward counts down for us,
"three, two, one… go!"
Emmett pushes against my arm with only slight force, attempting to go easy on me. I double his force easily and his arm starts to bend back. His grin fades and a small furrow appears between his brows. He doubles my force and I match it. His focus is so intense now that I'm sure if he could, he would be sweating bullets. I decide to put him out of his misery and slam his arm back onto the boulder. The rock shutters and cracks from the pressure and a crowd of cheers erupt behind me! I turn and see everyone, even Jasper is smiling wide at me!
"Ha! Loser!" Alice declares at Emmett making an L with her left hand and holding it to her forehead.
"Okay, you win this time you little mystic!" Emmett responds to Alice with eyes narrowed in comedic exaggeration.
"You did it, my love! How does it feel to be the strongest?"
Edward whispers in my ear as wraps his arms around my waist from behind me. He plants a kiss beneath my ear making me gasp slightly. As I turn to kiss him, Alice clears her throat to get our attention.
"Well, since you so carelessly destroyed the Fleur Du Mal that I hand picked for you. I suppose I'll have to get you something else to wear."
I could tell that Alice was just teasing but I still felt I had to apologize.
"I'm sorry Alice, I really didn't mean to!" I say pleadingly.
"Oh hush! As if I could ever be mad at you!"
Alice said with a grin and grabs my hand to drag me into the large house.