Memories

Little Bone waited for the shelter of the night before she started her journey towards the cave where the Dragon was supposed to sleep. The girl insisted on following her and so, the two of them silently climbed the rocky path that led to their destination.

The night was chill, but they didn't have time to think about it nor to listen to the wind which brought the calls of a lonely wolf to their ears. A confused fox crossed their path. It stopped for a while, stared in their eyes, and then hurried down to the small houses from the village.

"This place is magnificent in late spring and summer. There are thousands of flowers. The lake is full of fish. You can see them swimming around. But in autumn, after the last leaves fell, it seems so lonely. The wind is so cruel. You can hear it howling and the snow never stops. But spring comes again, just when you've lost your hope, and it gets joyful once more. What about your home? Have you ever lived in a village?" The girl recounted in a low voice not to alert the Dragon. They were still far from the cave, but they didn't want to risk it.

"I lived in a village with a lot of peach trees. It was before my death, so I don't remember much. I don't remember if I had a mother. She has never appeared in my memories. But I loved my father dearly. He raised me up. I wasn't an ordinary child. Demons came to look for me all the time. People were afraid of me because they thought I was responsible for attracting the bad spirits. "

"Do you remember how you met the one who killed you?"

"He saved my life and, when my father died, he stood with me for my birthday. I didn't want to spend my birthday alone. But he made me forget him afterward."

"Why did he do that?"

"He was training at the time. He even let my father die because he wasn't allowed to use his powers. But I forgave him. I couldn't be mad at him. "

"So, you didn't forget him, did you?"

"I forgot how he looked like, but I remember everything except his face. It felt strange. I used to feel guilty for forgetting his face, so I decided to look for him as soon as I heard he lived in Chang Liu."

"You seem to remember a lot of things…I've thought…"

"I forgot a lot of things, but I guess those memories were very important for me that I managed to preserve them. I remember a bit from my first months at Chang Liu… All the memories of my time at the Emotionless Hall are gone. Everything I know is events others told me about. But I remember my last moments. My conversation with Bai Zihua. Every word I said. Every word he said. I think you're right. There must be a reason why I can't remember those years. I'm an idiot for trying to relive it, but…. Living without a part of my past…without the ability to feel… It makes me hollow."

"I don't think you are unable to feel, but rather you are too scared to let down the walls you've built around your heart for fear you'll get hurt again. If you were hollow and cold as you describe yourself, you wouldn't yearn for life. You wouldn't help me now. Most importantly, you wouldn't care what he is doing right now. Are you going to tell me you aren't worried about him?"

"No. That will be a lie."

"Are you willing to forgive him? To love him again? Knowing he might hurt you again, are you willing to risk it?"

"I don't know. I just…I don't want him to get hurt."

"What about you? It's alright to be selfish sometimes. "

"I need to remember in order to figure out if I can forgive him or not."

"What if remembering you'll forget how it is to be selfish? What if he's going to mean more than your own happiness?"

So many years had passed and the hair of emperor Meng Xunalang turned completely gray. His enthusiasm and his cheerful personality were also gone. In just one day, he'd gone from a boy to a man. He'd got wise and patient. He finally learned to listen to his advisers. To really listen not just hear and seconds after threw caution to the wind and do something stupid. Gone was the time when he thought he could do everything he wanted. Every decision he took was a new risk. He constantly walked on a broken string. If only he had someone to speak about his pain.

Even after so many years, Qing Shui was living in her own world. He'd eventually learned to love and cherish her, but she was only a shell of her former self. A little child caught into the body of an adult. While he grew old she got more beautiful every day.

Many physicians came to the court during the time. All of them promised to help her. None succeeded. Sometimes, the emperor wondered if it wasn't better for her not to remember at all. She was genuinely happy. Would she have been that happy had she remembered that her action caused the death of two people?

One day, a young girl came to the court. She was around 11 years old, but she spoke with a maturity beyond her age.

"I can heal your empress." The girl declared as she bowed in front of him. "It's time for you to ask for her forgiveness. Are you ready? Nothing is eternal. Not even love. "The girl continued.

The emperor watched her with surprise. No one had ever dared to speak so frankly in front of the emperor but what actually shocked Meng Xuanlang was the fact she knew so many things about him and Qing Shui.

"I doubt she's going to forgive me, but I think she would want to be herself again." Meng Xuanlang muttered still not very confident if he was ready for whatever was to come.

"Much you say you care for her, you're still being selfish, aren't you? You want her to recover her sanity because you need a strong woman as empress, don't you?" The girl continued to question his decision. "However, have you thought if she really wants to relive her guilt?"

"It's been long since then. She can't keep herself responsible for what happened then. Hua Qiangu is dead. Qing Shui doesn't have any reason to hate her anymore. I hope she will be able to leave behind the past."

"Fine. If that's your wish."

"Do you think I'm making an error?"

"Only time can say. This might be your best or worst decision. Whatever it is going to be, your life will never be the same."

"Be it."