Long delay but hopefully worth the wait. Life is crazy...the world has gone crazy.
I'm seeing so many people injured by the jab...blood clots popping up all over and if not revealed by an adverse reaction are revealed by d-dimer tests... doctors think the jabs are safe so aren't even looking deeper into injuries. 20 year olds suddenly developing myocarditis - including my friend that works in a rest home. It's horrific to watch knowing the cause...and the media and gov silence is interesting despite the hundreds of thousands of reports and thousands of deaths from the jab. The silence says what words can't express.
If you haven't done your research then there's no time like the present. If you say you have done your research and are still getting the shot...then i'm afraid you are the research. Experimental gene therapy to conclude in 2023. Hopefully the results aren't like the ferrets in the animal trials.
I will definitely write a book at the conclusion in 2023 ish...and also when my heart is not so heavy with grief.
Stay safe...trust no one...and always stand for freedom. Godspeed.
CHAPTER 4
She was not sure what to say, not exactly. And when wet green eyes held hers she often stumbled, her heart raced, and the back of her neck would be wet and warm before she knew what had happened.
It's both comforting that Maura can trust again and distressing at how much pain is buried so deeply inside her.
Moments with Maura snuggled in her arms she feels on top of the world, life couldn't be better. But in an instant, Maura might sob or mumble distressed words in her sleep, and fear and dread fill her. Stories of what Maura endured strangle her mind.
She won't leave Maura, but there are moments when she feels beyond hopeless and a pain that cuts into her soul, moments when she wants to run, and moments when her own problems pale in comparison, yet she knows that her support is more than enough for the when green eyes sparkle back at her.
Perhaps all she offers is hope.
Often she was scared that she would give a wrong response or if it was that Maura might read her wrongly.
But she would always be there, she felt important and necessary because she was there, and this girl can just talk her pain away, unbury the baggage. Maura seemed to have no-one else in the world that would listening.
That didn't judge her.
Someone that would touch her only ever delicately, gently, wiping cream off their face, but not taking advantage, not controlling her.
Because trust could be just as easily lost. Betrayed. Buried deeper than before.
For just a moment she was someones whole world and could not destroy it.
But as her heart shifts from joy to pain in a single moment, she wishes she could get off this see-saw.
It's a burden she never expected to bear.
It's a burden that surpasses her own.
The moments that Maura's raw pain once shared with her become part of her, and she bites her lip so she doesn't sob herself. She forces a convincing smile, a distraction for Maura, a promise of safety, a promise to never abandon her.
Her smile changes the focus and she gets a smile in return, dazzling, hopeful, grateful. A countenance change that makes it worthwhile, and later, when she is alone, thats when Jane will process the facts, in silence, in the middle of the night, where no one can witness it.
During the day she is constantly surprised at the changes she sees in Maura. The way she now leans in when someone talks to her, instead of withdrawing.
The way she is free to just be. The way she is trusting those around her. The way she is developing into her own wonderful being.
And after a long week of work, Jane looks forward to the water-fight in the backyard.
A way to forget all their troubles and what next week would bring.
It was sunny and warm and the weather perfect. The teams were set after lunch. Maura and Frankie Jr against Jane and Tommy. Tommy had the hose and everyone else had water-guns.
It was brutal and Jane cried with laughter at the horrified expressions Maura managed each time she got wet. Maura had never engaged in such activties...ever.
Somewhere before Angela called everyone in to help with dinner, Maura had tried to sneak up on Jane who had so far been going easy on her. And when Jane turned and squirted Maura, Maura squealed and grabbed Jane managing to hide behind her, hugging her from behind.
"Maura" Jane laughed, "I can't be your shield"
Maura's grips Jane's stomach tighter refusing to let go and Jane grabs the pistol out of Maura's hand.
Maura chuckles against her back not seeming to care.
"Tommy" Jane calls beginning to head in the direction of the tap.
"Frankie" Maura calls out pressing against Jane's back and holding tighter forcing Jane to move at a snails pace.
"I am gonna soak ya." Jane promises.
Maura squeals and laughs as Jane manages to turn around so they are face to face the two water pistols wrap around Maura's shoulders and they both realize they are too close for Jane to use them.
And they stare at each other, Maura smiling and glowing with joy and excitement, cheeks red from laughing, messy wet hair clinging to her forehead.
She can feel Maura grip tighter the back of her wet tee-shirt.
She can't help but lick her lips at the sight in her arms.
A million thoughts race through her mind in a second.
To step back and soak her new friend or to lean closer and press their lips together.
She can vaguely make out Frankie and Tommy yelling happily at each other.
Those green eyes begin to pull her in and her heart pounds harder.
But she can sense it in Maura, an uncertainty, a stiffness. Perhaps fear. And she instead smirks evilly and pulls away putting the gun right to Maura's already wet chest.
Maura is startled by the swift action and pouts, "You tricked me."
"Did not." Jane quips, "I said I was gonna soak ya."
Maura holds up her hands in surrender and gives a weak smile, "How about you don't and I'll let you pick the movie tonight?"
Jane ponders for a moment. A blockbuster action instead of a these boring educational documentaries she had them all watching seemed like a pretty good deal. And she smiles softly as she drops her weapon to her side.
Maura sighs in a grateful way and takes Jane's arm gently.
"I'm thinking Die Hard." Jane smiles letting Maura take back her water pistol.
Maura slips her hand into Janes empty hand and they walk back around the house.
Jane had resisted again.
"I don't want to die at all." Maura whispers.
Jane frowns unsure why Maura would randomly comment that but doesn't have time to answer, because Tommy is grinning widely when he spots them and raises the hose to spray them both.
Jane pulls Maura out of the way around the corner of the building and pokes her head around the side to watch. Tommy sprays again dousing the bricks but missing Jane.
"Tommy, we are on the same team. Why are you shooting at me?" Jane calls out giving Maura a smile and a wink.
"You are-is co-ooding wif the ememies."
"What?" Jane calls out just avoiding the spray from the hose again.
"Collowing wif the emery."
Jane laughs, "Those aren't words Tommy."
"Moora told me. You are the en-emm-ee." Tommy squeals spinning around to hose Frankie Jr who has taken the opportunity to attempt sneak up on him.
Jane frowns to herself, "I'm the enemy." It takes her a moment to register and she turns to Maura, "Maur?"
Maura who has her water pistol pointed right at Janes chest, grinning broadly, eyes bright and twinkling, "You should surrender"
"You turned my brother against me?" Jane groans in dismay.
"I explained the political dynamics of war to him. He is quite smart for his age."
"Oh...I see how it is then...", Jane licks her lips as she assesses her options, run or charge.
"He told me I was the smartest person in the world." Maura says and manages a slight blush.
"Flattery will get you everywhere." Jane says softly hoping she can flatter Maura into letting her go, "He's right I think. You are dangerously smart. You prepped for a water fight."
Maura smiles proudly and Jane is careful to keep her own water pistol by her hip in an unthreatening way.
"Maura" Jane pleads, "Is your love of winning really stronger that your love for me...your frien-"?"
Before Jane can finish, Maura pulls the trigger sending a jet of water at Janes shoulder.
Jane just grins and then charges Maura.
And in the blink of an eye before she realizes what she really agreed too, she is in a soft yellow dress that sits just a smidge lower than her knees and a smidge higher than she would like.
Maura had forced her into it. And is now fiddling with the shoulder straps and pulled the neckline even lower towards her cleavage than she could handle. Her cheeks flush and her throat made a noise of it's own accord.
Maura glances up at her and smiles showing soft dimples, "It's meant to be like this."
Jane shakes her head and bites her lip. Why on earth had she agreed to this. Surely the dress code Maura spoke of wasn't how much of her cleavage showed, but then if it was to be worn a specific way she would never win against Maura.
Maura's eyes sparkle, with life, with joy, "You're gorgeous my friend."
Jane blushes hard and her neck feels like it is lava, she growls to cover the reaction, "You owe me big time."
The whisper is weak and undemanding but Maura nods in acknowledgement.
"You're ready" Maura says softly admiring her work, her perfecting complete. She places her hands on Jane's biceps and lifts herself onto her tip toes, leaning forward, and pressing her lips on the edge of Janes cheek. A millimeter away from touching Jane's lip. Maura had at first kissed her cheek dead centre a few days ago, and every kiss since had moved in a very specific direction. This one made Jane's heart burn and palms sweat.
It's the first kiss in public, on the side of the road, not away from prying eyes.
It's a kiss that says thank you, but more, because words would have been enough.
Jane had used every effort to fight the urge to turn slightly causing lip to lip contact. She was keeping her promise not to make a move until Maura was ready. It was the only thing she truly regretted since meeting Maura. Three weeks of resisting. That and this terribly uncomfortable dress she can't work out how Maura convinced her to agree to wear it. And she resists again.
"Thank you." Maura whispers pulling away.
Jane clears her throat and forces a smile, "It's fine."
The corner of her mouth is as hot as her neck.
She looks across the street at the white regal building staring back at her.
"You'll be fine. I promise." Maura says taking Janes wrist gently and tugging the taller women to follow her towards the entrance.
Jane stumbles for a second in the new heels, feeling completely out of place in more ways than one. Not high heels, but higher than flats, but remarkably comfortable, more comfortable that the dress anyway.
It's a short walk, but for Jane the impending doom feels painfully slow.
If not for Maura clasping her wrist she would run away as fast as her new heels would take her.
Maura's stride is of confidence and familiarity, taking the steps as if she did it everyday of her life, As if she owned the place.
At the door she lets go of Jane and steps towards the attendee, and Jane takes the moment and the distance to look at her new friends attire again, wearing a white skirt and matching top, a yellow scarf tied in a bow around her neck. Blonde hair half in a golden hair-clasp and half falling around her shoulders. She is stunning. She is fierce. Jane isn't even attempting to hide her admiration of the attractive beauty in front of her.
"Maura Fair- um...um...I mean, Maura Isles...to see Constance Isles."
Jane watches her swallow and turn to look over her shoulder at Jane, the confidence from a moment ago whisked away leaving an exhaustion in it's place.
Jane clumsily steps forward beside Maura standing as straight as she possibly can, her height equal to the attendee who stares at them both in surprise.
"And guest." Maura half whispers letting the back of her hand brush against Jane's.
"Isles...Right this way." He offers and steps inside the double doors holding them open for the ladies to enter.
Jane has never seen anything like it. So much white. White tablecloths on every table. Little white flowers garnishing the door-frames. White Walls. Whitewashed floors. Every table has napkins and flowers. Around the room are waiters in smart black pants and white shirts carrying silver trays of tiny bite sized un-namable foods and glasses of white wine.
A table to the side adorned with trays of food and candles and wreaths of white flowers with hints of green leaves poking out from amongst them.
The lights hanging from the ceiling shiny and bright and looking like each one costs more than all Janes earthly possessions.
Every person in the room is in casual attire that is still notably made of the finest cashmere and silk. Some gentlemen in polo shirts smoking cigars, an array of colored scarves and larger than necessary hats scattered around the room.
She immediately knows she does not belong...would never belong.
She feels naked and wraps her free arm around herself in an attempt to conceal herself.
"I shouldn't be here." Jane says under her breath.
The tug on her wrist was the indication she had hesitated at all.
She goes to speak but suddenly one of the large silver trays is right in front of her tipped in a way as if expecting her to accept some of its strange looking contents.
Her heart beats faster, she doesn't know what to do.
"Ew...what is that? This was a really bad idea." She says without thinking. Without planning to speak. Her sub-conscious screaming at her.
"No thank you." Maura says to the offerer and he steps away quickly.
"Jane" Maura says stepping closer, stepping right into her so her stomach and arm are pressed against Maura, "You're absolutely fine. I promise."
"I'm not.' Jane whispers trying to turn towards the exit only to be blocked by a rich-to-do-couple pulling out their seats to sit down.
She steps backwards and Maura grabs her waist and draws her close.
Janes closes her eyes and pretends she is anywhere else.
She is hot and sick with fear.
Warm breath tickles her neck and she can hear the even soft tone that promises her safety even without the words, "It is absolutely going to be ok Jane. No one knows you. No one can tell where you are from. It's just new, that doesn't have to be scary. And I am not going to leave your side."
Jane opens her eyes slowly and is greeted by hazel green ones and a warm smile. But the comfort and security is in the promise.
"We are both going to be just fine, Jane. Are you ready?"
Jane nods because she can't speak. Calm enough to stop looking for the exit, nervous enough to hold onto Maura's fingers like a life-line.
Maura's other hand slips into the corner of her elbow and she can feel the gentle tug.
She lets Maura glide her across the room after the now very impatient looking attendee.
She focuses on breathing. On trying not to glare at everything and everyone as if it's a threat to her.
She tries to pretend she has been here many times before and it's normal.
"Maura darling." A shrill voice greets them and Jane is grateful that Maura doesn't let her hand go as the older woman air kisses to the sides of Maura's cheeks, a bit like chickens doing a strange dance.
"Mother, this is my friend Jane." Maura says with a tone Jane has never heard before. Proud and airy but not quite posh. Jane has to glance in her direction to confirm the voice is coming from her friend.
Constance steps towards Jane in the same way she did Maura, and Jane steps away and instead stretches her free hand out. She will not air kiss this woman. And Constance can only glare at Jane's hand in a surprised way.
"Shall we sit." Maura quickly interjects but then frows at the third chair and third place setting already at the small table. They didn't know Jane was coming.
Constance nods then turns to her daughter, "You friend looks practically mortified. Is anything the matter."
Maura turns to Jane as they sit and knows there is no use in trying to pretend her mother is wrong. Jane has gripped her hand under the table and is threatening to crush the bones in her fingers.
Maura clears her throat, "Jane has never been here before. So, how are you mother?"
Constance rolls her lips together as she observes her daughters outfit, demeanor and tone. And Jane feels Maura squeeze her hand tightly at the absence of response.
While Jane doesn't belong anywhere near this joint, she is strangely aware that Maura is dealing with even more right now than she is, and suddenly her surroundings aren't quite as daunting.
A glass of wine each is put down in front of each of them and Maura grabs it and has almost downed hers entirely before Jane has even figured out how to pick the glass up 'properly'. Constance watches them both.
The hand in hers feels hot and wet and she grows concerned.
"Are you ok Maur?" Jane half whispers while not taking her eyes off Constance, who remarkably seems to be communicating with her daughter by way of looks without words.
"Maur?"
It's Constance that turns to Jane giving her appearance a thorough study. And Jane holds the stare because she feels that is how she will stand her ground and fit in. Clenching her jaw tightly and the subtlest squint by way of saying, 'I ain't afraid of you.'
"I wasn't expecting you to bring...a friend." Constance states without actually looking at Maura.
There's a question in there somewhere, perhaps more than one.
She recalled Maura stating that women at country clubs don't have friends per-see. And that when her mother invited her to lunch that it would be somewhat of an interrogation, and a way for Constances 'acquaintances' to see that her daughter had not disappeared off the face of the earth, been abducted, or that the Fairfields had the upper hand. "The rumors are deeply distressing to my mother" Maura had stated sadly, "Please come with me? I can't face her alone. She won't approve but I don't care what she thinks. I need you."
So Jane could not be a friend. Was the question the nature of the relationship. Or simply the fact Jane was not invited. Maura had chosen not to ask or tell Constance.
Jane swallows heavily.
"Jane is a very good friend." Maura states, accepting a second of wine from the waiter.
Constance seems to disapprove of both Maura's statement and Jane altogether.
"I see. I hoped we could speak privately Maura darling." Constance says with a posh arrogance letting her gaze drop slightly, which somehow makes Jane feel she is unsatisfactory.
The hand in hers squeezes again and she turns to look over her shoulder. Maura gives her the softest bravest forgiving smile.
"Oh I'm staying." Jane says with more confidence than she feels or expects and turns back to Constance, "I'm not leaving my friend."
Constance glowers slightly but the uplifted corners of her mouth remain raised as if it's some inside joke.
"Whatever you need to say to me, you can say in front of Jane, Mother. I know why you called. And I know you don't approve. But I am not planning to change my mind. I am not going back to Garrett."
Constance's gaze shifts from Jane to Maura, "I called you at home but Garrett answered. He informed me you hadn't been home. He was very worried and upset. Are you trying to embarrass the family?"
Maura shakes her head as if to shake away the accusations and boldly replies, "Garrett knows full well I have left him and am never going back. He was not kind to me and-"
"Shhhhh" Constance scolds, "Keep your voice down. Do you want everyone to know."
"He hurt me Mother." Maura whispers loudly.
Constance glances at Jane momentarily then around the room and finally back to Maura, "We don't speak of such things. They are common enough but you put up with them. You have to move on and ignore them. Our reputation is everything."
Maura sighs and leans back into the chair, almost defeated.
"It's just the way it is Maura. Separate by all means but you must keep up public appearances. Go out to be seen once in awhile. I am sure Garrett would be willing for you to live apart most of the time if you aren't happy."
Jane frowns and she looks between Maura and Constance, Maura who appears willing to comply merely for her mothers reputation, and Constance who smirks slightly, "Lets order shall we."
Jane notices there are no questions, only expectations.
She clears her throat but Constance ignores her and starts to read through the Country Club lunch menu.
"How can you think what he did to her was ok?' Jane surprises herself as she blurts out.
Constance continues to ignore Maura's guest.
"You think women should put up with accepting brutal attacks and forced...forced whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. This is your daughter. You should be more interested in protecting her than how you look to strangers."
Jane can't feel Maura squeezing her hand tightly, it wouldn't matter if she could.
"If you wanted to discuss the reality with your daughter in private you picked one hell of a place to talk."
Constance slowly scans the menu as she replies to Jane, "You don't belong here."
The lack of physical interaction is Constances way of confirming the position Jane holds. She is not worth Constances time.
Jane ignores the intimidation, growls and stiffens as she leans towards Constance, "He almost killed her several times."
Constance tisks softly and turns the menu to read the other side "Did she tell you that?" Maura slouches in her seat and her hand goes limp.
"Don't slouch Maura. I think I will have the Salmon."
Jane feels her jaw go slack and her mouth dries out in seconds, she turns to Maura who is staring down at that knife and fork beside her napkin.
"Maura doesn't lie." Jane states loudly, and mainly to Maura. She turns back to Constance, "I can't believe someone wonderful and brilliant like her is even related to someone cruel and mean like you."
Constance glances up momentarily at her daughter for a reaction, but Maura doesn't move. The Constance turns back to Jane with a smug smile, "She isn't related to me. Did she not tell you she was adopted. And you two seemed to be so close." Constance says sarcastically with a fake pout to accompany her words, "I think it would be best for you to step outside."
Jane turns to Maura who still hasn't responded in any way and is still staring at the shiny metal fork on the napkin in front of her, "Maur. Let's go."
"Maura is staying. She knows her place." Constance replies curtly, "You are the one out of place."
Jane squeezes Maura's hand tightly, "I won't leave you Maur."
Maura closes her eyes, "Maybe you should go Jane."
It's barely a whisper and Maura's lip trembles at the end. Maura's hand is stiff now like all her warmth and hope has been sucked out of her. All the love and joy growing inside her over the past few weeks completely absent.
Jane feels like her heart weights a ton and she aches all over, but mostly confused, "Really?"
It's more surprise than a question. A disbelief and shock.
"Really" Constance replies on Maura's behalf.
Jane feels like her insides are breaking, everything had been so perfect, so wonderful, the past few weeks the best weeks of her life.
The strengthening of their friendship and the growing of trust.
The anticipation of what might happen tomorrow, of what might come next.
And she didn't know what right now meant, how it fitted. If she was to leave would Maura go back to Garrett at her mothers order, never to leave again, never to be free. Just leave now...just Lunch...or was everything between them over. Was this goodbye. Was Maura not allowed to be her friend anymore. If she left now would they ever see each other again. And the worst thought was Maura's safety. How many times had Maura looked over her shoulder in shops, checked the peephole before going outside, hidden at the sound of a gruff male voice. What insanity was this. What hold did constance have over her daughter, when she wasn't interested to preserve the life and wellbeing OF her daughter.
Jane felt anger surge inside her. She takes in a huge breath of air, so deep her head feels light, so raw she holds it several beats to suppress her bodies response before she reacts.
She lets go of Maura's dead weight hand. She puts her hands on the tabletop and pushes her chair backwards lifting herself to her feet.
She curbs her anger and replaces it with indignation.
A deep furious growl escapes her throat as she leans towards Constance pausing a foot from the woman's face. She can see the instant fear in Constances face, the bead of sweat that pops out of her temple.
The golden covered menu and a few breaths of air are all that separate them.
"Hell no." Jane says at a normal tone.
"HELL NO." She yells. The entire room grows quiet and every eye turns in the direction of the noise. To Jane looming over Maura's mother like a bird about to peck its prey.
"She is her own damn person and you ain't fit to be anybody's mother."
The silence is palatable, except a spoon that falls to the floor with a clang somewhere across the room.
"You don't control her."
Jane can sense the waiters and staff in the room decending in silence towards their table. And the menu between them drops to the table with a clatter. Constance stands slowly to her feet and crosses her arms, herself now attempting to loom her presence over Jane. Jane stands straight up and already her height dominates Constances shorter frame. They stare at each other squarely.
It's a face off. It's a battle of strength. And Jane refuses to lose.
Maura moves beside her, but she won't let it distract her from this stare-down.
Her eyelid twitches slightly and she clenches her jaw.
And suddenly Constance looks over Jane's shoulder, her face morphs into a fake smile, "Garrett, you made it."
Jane spins around to find a tall solid man heading straight for her in an ugly grey jumper and a rich mans smile. The fake sort of arrogant 'own the world smile'.
She can feel fingers wrapping around her fingers and cutting off the blood supply.
She can hear the resuming of clatter and chatter around the room as normal business resumes.
He approaches so swiftly Jane can only partly move between him and Maura. He looks through her body at Maura and grins before looking at Jane with a scowl like she fell off a garbage truck, "You're in my seat."
Jane finds the air in her lungs is stale and useless and she is torn somewhere between anger and intimidation.
"Janet was just leaving" Constance states proudly with the air of victory.
Jane tries to find her voice but can't even correct Constance.
Her fingers are ready to snap and she knows Maura is also clutching the back of her dress.
It's enough to get her strength back.
"Back - off." Jane growls slowly moving closer to Maura so as to block Garrett's view completely.
Garrett glances away from her and towards Constance who has moved around the table to greet him. He kisses the back of Constance's hand. And then they both turn towards Jane.
He glares at her in annoyance before a glimmer of surprise crosses his features
"I know you." he frowns in thought, "What's you name? Janet?"
Jane stands up straighter making her young shoulders as wide as she can.
He is probably about the same age as her, but he is dressed and sculptured in the way only money can buy. His socks are probably more expensive than her entire wardrobe. He wears the prestige in his posture. And the way he looks at her as if she is worth less than the dirt on his shoe.
"Don't" , Maura whispers from behind her.
Garrett senses the fear, he knows Maura too well.
"You don't want to share your friend with me." Garrett remarks with some amusement.
Constance scoffs, "Maura brought her here. She was scared out of her mind stepping into this place. Like a pathetic deer in headlights."
They chuckle together softly as they watch Jane, looking for her weakness, looking through her like glass. Garnering power off the other.
Jane hides it and a small smirk appears on her own face, her eyes twinkle slightly, "I recognize you too Garrett." Jane growls deeply, "But you'll never guess from where. I know all your dirty dark little secrets."
Garretts face morphs slowly into anger and his eyes drop through Jane's body to where he knows Maura hides.
"Oh no." Jane says standing straighter, "It's nothing Maura told me. Hell it's probably stuff she doesn't even know about you. It's all the things you thought you wouldn't get caught doing. Things your prestigious friends don't even know about except for the few disgusting ones that join in with you. You bragged too much. Do you want to be reminded here in the presence of all these people about of some of your exploits?"
Garrett finally falters, a flicker of concern, the corners of his mouth drop, his expression darkens and his eyes dart to the closest tables to see who might be in hearing range.
"I can speak louder." Jane says raising her volume enough that Garrett takes half a step forward.
Pure intimidation, but Jane doesn't flinch.
"I know you." He says with frown and Jane can tell he does recognize her. She recognizes him too...his smug controlling behavior. She had unfortunately had to serve him many times. He had made her offers for cash and tried to grab what didn't belong to him. He waved wads of cash around like the place was a strip bar and any girl was on offer. He visited the backroom on more than one occasion, a big tipper by way of rewards that excited some of the girls. The girls had bruises after an encounter with him...a few had even left work early claiming feeling sick. And the ones that left with him at the end of their shift...
He would brag about all the girls he had 'claimed' and other things Jane had assumed was just egotistical-guy-talk but now began to wonder. He had displayed anger when Jane refused his advances and that of his peers. He glared at Jane with distain.
He knew she knew more than he would like. He wondered what she had told his wife. He wondered if that was the reason Maura had run off.
Jane does expect him to do something to her, perhaps shove her aside and forcibly grab his wife, or perhaps punch her in her head. But she does not flinch. She is the only barrier between the perverted abuser and the woman she thinks she might love.
She can feel the hands gripping her loosen slightly and she can tell Maura is standing up. She can feel the firmness of the body that presses into her back, the fear like a physical wave.
She can tell Maura is shaking.
And Maura's words race through her mind of a conversation they had just a week ago.
Maura had been pressed against her side in a hammock. The warmth of the sun absorbed and radiated between them. Jane had never felt so calm before. They grew closer everyday without anything sexual. But this was the closest they had been so far for so long. Outside for all the neighbors to see and not caring one iota.
Sadly she could sense Maura's occasional quiver of fear against her own body whenever she shifted even slightly. She hoped it wasn't her touch, her presence.
"What are you scared of Maur."
Maura had stopped trying to hide her feelings or cover them up. She had realized that Jane could read her too easily to bother lying.
"He has unlimited resources to find me." Maura whispered.
"He isn't gonna look here Maura. Over a random fence in the poor part of town. Stop worrying."
Maura wiggled even closer. They had always been careful where Maura want. And especially together for a reason Jane had still not understood.
"If he ever found out about you he would take everything from you." Maura whispered.
"I've got nothing to loose. I'm already broke Maura" Jane replied with a light laugh while kissing the crown of Maura's head gently, trying to calm her friend down.
Maura rolled over slightly and looked up at Jane with a frown, "You have family Jane. That's more valuable than money."
Jane studied her friends worried face.
"He would hunt you Jane. He would hunt your family. He makes people...disappear. You have to promise me you'll be really careful. That you will stay away from him and never tell him anything about you."
"I'm not scared of him Maur."
"You don't know him...otherwise you would be. Promise me"
Jane can tell this is extremely important to her friend, "Fine...I promise."
Maura smiles a little but then it fades into worry again.
"Maura, stop worrying. We will be fine."
"I think he would hurt you just to get to me, he'd play games to worry me. And worse, I think he might hurt you just for fun."
Her eyes meet green ones filled with terror that words couldn't explain, "He won't hurt me. He will never have the chance."
Maura drops her head down so Jane can't see her face again.
"He got his way in everything. I don't want to even think about what he might do. I couldn't live with myself if I got you hurt."
Jane hugs Maura tighter as she watches the sky swing back and forth, "I'll never let him."
"I don't deserve a friend like you?"
Jane feels the tear slip out from the corner of her eye. Maura may take years of healing to know she deserves everything good. To know that Garrett lied to her. That she is not evil or bad or cruel, and that she is deserving and kind and good. To know that she was good enough. She was popular. She was in his league.
Maura hated him. She despised him. She wanted him to suffer. She wanted him to die. And she thought that made her a bad, unkind, selfish cruel person. It was her fault if he hurt her, she brought it on, was asking for it, deserved it.
Did she still think he was the good one, he was kind and loving toward her even though she didn't deserve him and she didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve love from anyone.
Jane grits her teeth as his face moves closer to hers.
"You're nothing." He spits in her face.
The room around them quiets again.
"You're a worthless whore. Are you fucking my wife? Is she paying you with my money to fuck her? Have you turned her into a slut? She is pathetic and useless and my dirty seconds. But maybe now she will have improved. Have you made her a better bitch?"
Jane feels her blood boil. Anger finally overpowers her.
She steps towards him ignoring the small force trying to hold her back.
She gets as close as she can despite his awful smelling breath and glares at him.
She opens her mouth to speak allowing a smirk of victory to cross her face, "You're a privileged disgusting turd. And you are a coward and everyone here knows it. Only cowards smack around a woman. I know that waitress you put in hospital. And for your information...I give Maura all the satisfaction she needs in all the ways you couldn't. You're a -"
Jane can see his fist heading for her cheek, she can feel Maura clinging against her back, she catches Constance glancing around the room, concerned more with the attention than anything else.
The room is dark with anger and hate and vengeance and none of it is hers. There is no light. Not in his eyes and not in his heart.
There is only the darkness that consumes him, that gives him power, and the same darkness he used to control Maura.
And Jane knows in that moment how Maura felt most of her life living with him.
A world completely void of light.
And then she is in her own darkness, and falling, failing, but completely without fear.
to be continued...