I'm Not Ladybug
Chapter 6
Sadness is a Slow Disease
Author's note: I will make this as quick as possible Super sorry for how long this took. I appreciate any comments and reviews that anyone sent me. You are so sweet, seriously. My dad broke my computer and I got a lovely case of writer's block. So yep that's it, that's my excuse. Oh also for the people who have mentioned that my font is messed up on this story and some of my other stories as well, thank you, I am aware of this issue and have been unable to find a solution. No matter how many times I edit the font or rewrite this the issue never disappears. So I am sorry for any distractions this causes and I hope you can still enjoy the story. I appreciate all of you and if anyone needs to talk about anything I am always here to listen. Alright that's it, enjoy the story.
Warning: This story does have detailed mentions of depression and suicide, and eating disorders.
Disclaimer: I don't own this show or the characters. Only what is written here.
STORY TIME!
Everything was dark and it was wonderful. Marinette could stay like this forever. Just darkness. She never wanted to open her eyes. She didn't want to move. This was all she could ever ask for of heaven, if heaven was real. She hesitantly opened her eyes only because she wondered where Tikki was. It took her a minute to remember what she had done. She popped up in her bed as she remembered. "Oh my gosh Tikki!" She quickly got up and started looking for the earrings. She walked back over to her bathroom. SHe didn't really know why, but she hesitantly leaned over the toilet to look inside. She wasn't quite sure why she expected to see that blood from last night in there when she knew she had flushed it, but she did. Shaking her head from the thoughts she looked around for the earrings, feeling her stomach sink when she couldn't find them immediately. "No no no!" She could feel the panic rising up inside her like it was going to claw it's way out. She fell onto her knees and hugged herself tight, still looking around, but finding herself unable to stand. Finally spotting them she scrambled to grab them and quickly stuck them back in her ears. Breathing a sigh of relief as Tikki reappeared. The smile didn't last long as it wasn't returned. Glaring back at her was the red Kwami.
"Tikki I-" Marinette started, but was cut off by the magical creature.
"I can't believe you did that. How could you do that? You just threw me away like trash. That's not how friends are." Tikki didn't yell. She spoke in a tone Marinette had never heard before. It was so serious and not as playful as Tikki's normal tone. Marinette felt ashamed. She could hardly look at the Kwami.
"I know. I am so sorry Tikki. I'll never do that again. I promise." She didn't explain her reasons. She didn't feel she had a right to. Tikki clearly didn't want to hear it from the hard stare she was still giving. Marinette could feel the tears rising up in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone...you and Chat are all I have left." Tikki's gaze softened watching the girl in front of her start to break down. Tikki had spent a lot of time with the Ladybugs. It was all she was created for. Marinette was the youngest and therefore the most vulnerable. She hadn't had to deal with this type of thing anymore. She had the depressed Ladybug, but this was different. Not to mention Marinette was her favorite Ladybug there had ever been! It was weird for Tikki, suddenly feeling very motherly towards Marinette where she had only ever been a friend in the past, but Marinette's parents had abandoned her and TIkki needed to do something. Tikki was definitely going to be spitting in Marinette's parents drinks the next time she got the chance. You don't leave your kid for weeks on end!
Tikki flew forward and pushed herself against Marinette's chest indicating she wanted the girl to hug her. Marinette got the message immediately and clutched her tight. She sobbed for such a long time that Tikki felt her heart snapping. How had she ever let her get like this. She called Marinette a bad friend, well TIkki was right there with her.
After the crying was over things got quiet. Marinette clearly felt awkward and embarrassed. Wiping her eyes and muttering a "sorry". TIkki didn't know what to say. Not at all.
"It's okay to cry Marinette." Marinette looked up at that, noting just how much more mature Tikki seemed at that moment. She felt weird about it. She felt drawn to it, but it also didn't seem right. This wasn't how TIkki was supposed to speak to her. SHe was supposed to be her friend...she must have really made her uncomfortable.
"I've changed you." She said sadly. Tikki frowned, confused.
"No I haven't changed , I'm just being what you need me to be right now. I'm still me and you're still you. Things just have to be a little different right now. We adjust and we will be okay. Ok?" Marinette didn't necessarily seem convinced, but with squinted eyes she nodded her head. Tikki nodded and clapped her hands together "Ok...so let's get you some breakfast and get you to school. No arguments and Marinette if you take out your earrings again so help me I will kill you!" Tikki was saying all of this in a jokingly stern tone which made Marinette give a small smile. She could play along for now. Even if it was just a few minutes.
Marinette didn't say it, but she would actually be pretty pleased if Tikki killed her. She knew the Kwami couldn't do it. She unlike Chat Noirs Kwami, as far as she knew, didn't have much power without her human next to her. Unlike Chat Noir's Kwaim...what was his name again? Plagg? Yeah Plagg, he was more powerful without Chat Noir. Chat Noir was put in place to keep Plagg under control. Unlike Tikki. Still the thought of Tikki killing her made her smile. That would be nice, to die at a friends hadn. To die in general, to not have to worry how she would die...yeah, that would be mice. One thing Marinette learned laste night, Tikki wouldn't be able to be around when seh finally did end things. Letting nature take over and kill her by starvation was not giong to work with Tikki constantly nagging her wasn't going to work. She was going to have to get creative.
"Here you go!" Tikki chiriped happily at her as she sat down the cereal she had so proudly made. Even though Marinette hated eating, she did enjoy the smile on Tikki's face as she ate the entier bowl. Just to make Tikki smile again. "Alright off to school now." While Tikki sounded commanding and would certainly put up a fuss if Marinette didn't go, she could tell that Tikki seemed ot be asking if Marinette would actually go to school. Which Marinetet did, and things actually seemed pretty normal. Tikki and her talked like normal, they laughed like normal, everything felt like it used to feel...perfect. That wasn't the case anymore...and that would never be the case again. That's why Marinette would kill herself, and she would do it soon.