I'm Not a Ladybug

Chapter 7

Hard to Breathe

Authors note: It hasn't been too long this time! That's good. Any well wishes you can send are appreciated as I am having health issues. I will continue to write though, simply because I love it...this message just seems awkward lol. Just go ahead and read the story.

Warning: This story contains mentions of self loathing, self harm, and eating disorders. If any of this triggers you then please click away and read something else. This site has some really brilliant other writers, or you can read one of my other stories! :)

Story Starts Here

As Marinette and Tikki walked to school (or in Tikki's case fly) they had casual conversations. Tikki really felt that progress was being made. Marinette was laughing. She was joking, she was even starting conversations! Tikki knew that not everything was alright, but maybe something snapped in Marinette last night. Made her realize how much she is loved in this world. That was what Tikki was clinging to as she talked to Marinette like nothing was wrong.

Marinette felt ok talking to TIkki. Things almost felt normal as long as she pretended they were. It did make her feel good to see Tikki so happy. She could do this for Tikki until she was gone. At least give her some good memories. She looked up feeling dread as she walked up to the school. She loved her friends and she loved school, but she couldn't stand the concern. The concern that she wasn't okay...did they really think she didn't know she wasn't okay! SHe didn't need help. It only served to make her feel worse. To make her feel like she was ruining people's day and making them sad. She put on a smile as she saw Alya by the doors. Alya looked so happy to see her there. It actually did make Marinette feel good to see her friend so excited. Alya ran up and grabbed her so quickly she didn't know what had happened.

"Oh my gosh girl you're actually here! I guess Adrien's soup really did the trick huh?" Marinette laughed and entertained the idea saying it had helped more than she thought it would, (lie) she felt much better (lie) I"m happy to be back too (lie). Alya dragged her all the way to the class, updating her on all of the latest school drama Marinette had missed. Marinette laughed along and rolled her eyes at Chloe's most recent ridiculous spectacle.

As they walked into class Marinette was once again shocked at the reactions. Everyone yelled her name and seemed so excited to see her...people were running up to her to ask how she had been and to say how much they had missed her! To say she was shocked was an understatement. They had actually missed her? Adrien must have seen the frown on her face, because he came up chuckling a little confused.

"Did you really think they wouldn't miss you? You're you Marinette, there's no one else like you." Marinette hated that she blushed. She hated that it made her feel such a rush of warmth to hear him say that. She felt happy though. Happy at his words, happy at the reaction of her classmates, happy to actually feel loved. Marinette felt good, and it wasn't from the idea of death this time….strange.

Marinette was getting frustrated the longer the class went. She had waited too long to come back to school and it had put her so far behind. Even with the help of her friends the night before she still wasn't caught up. She was just confused. 'It's because you're stupid and lazy. You couldn't even drag your butt out of bed to come here and actually learn.' Marinette fought the cringe that came with those thoughts. There it was. That was why she was so far behind. She was stupid and lazy. It was all her fault too. Marinette really tried to fight the overwhelming sadness that fell over her.

She tried not to let it show on her face. She really didn't want to answer questions. Her luck of course ran out when Ms. Bustier called on her to answer the next question. Crap! What had the question even been? "Umm, I...I don't know. I'm sorry." Marinette felt her heart rate increase when the other classmates looked at her with mixtures of surprise and concern.

It only got worse when Ms. Bustier's response was "Well maybe if you paid attention in class you would be able to remember the information." Marinette felt her cheeks heat up and she quickly focussed her gaze on the floor, muttering another sorry. She was so so stupid.

As soon as the bell rang Marinette was darting out of the class at record speed. She had to get out of that school! She felt an anxiety attack coming up. She was almost onto the stairs when she felt a hand grab her wrist. "Marinette wait!" Marinette froze when she recognized that voice….Adrien.

No no no not now. Please anytime, but right now! She tried to keep her breathing under control. She could feel it getting worse. "Marinette are you alright?" It was such a small question, but she could hear the concern in his voice. The genuine concern. It wasn't fake, it wasn't forced. It made her want to cry. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, no matter how much she tried to force them back down.

"Yeah I'm fine." She quickly forced a bright smile onto her face. She felt it waiver however when the look of concern only got worse. He was paying too much attention, she hated it. She would have loved it six months ago, but now she hated it. Hated that this was the time where people really didn't need to pay attention to her. His grip tightened on her wrist.

"Come with me." She didn't get much of an argument in. He was a lot stronger than he looked. He pulled her back into the school and down some hallway. Once he had apparently deemed the place he stopped (which happened to be a closet that was hallways away from anyone else) quiet enough he turned to her. He looked down at her wrist and let go "Oh sorry about that." He was pacing and constantly moving. Whether it was leaning from foot to foot or twitching his hands. He was nervous, she could tell, which in turn made her nervous.

"Adrien, why did you bring me here?" She was genuinely confused. What confused her even more was the look in his eye. He looked confused too, but under that confusion was something else...it looked like fear.

"Yeah...I guess it was pretty random huh? You don't know though? I mean I did because I'm worried about Marinette. You think we don't notice, but we do. I do. I see how you fake all of your smiles now, and how your laughs are fake. How you clearly don't want to talk to anyone, which makes me sorry that I'm forcing you to talk, but Marinette you have to know we care! You have to know that we want you around. You're starting to scare me. Just tell me what's wrong!" It was quick and rambled. Marinette understood though, every word, because it was Adrien. She would always understand Adrien.

"Adrien I'm f-"

"Don't say you're fine. Don't lie to me." He cut her off, surprising her. Adrien was always one for manners. He had never interrupted her the entire time they had been friends. That's how she knew he was serious, she would have to work really hard to make him believe her.

"Fine, I just didn't want to make you guys worry. It's just being sick and having my family away takes its toll. It's fine, it will pass. Feelings like these always do (lie), I'd love to hang out next week if you're up for it (lie, she didn't want to hang out with anyone) I will be fine though. You don't need to worry (another lie) it's just something I have to get through, alright? You don't need to worry about me Adrien. It is sweet though." She tried for a smile and put a hand on his cheek, meaning to be comforting. She thought for a second it had worked. His eyes seemed to be less sad, less concerned for a second. He leaned into her hand. Both of their hearts warming at the closeness,

Much to Marinette's surprise though his eyes became sad again. "I want to believe you , Marinette. I really do, but I know you better than most people. I know you're not being honest with me right now." Marinette felt her heart break as his eyes watered. She knew hers were watering too. She also felt anger, such an anger that he was only now acting like he cared! If he really cared for her this much, why was he with Kigami and not her! Maybe things wouldn't feel so horrible if he had been by her side! Maybe she wouldn't have felt so alone and worthless!

Her eyes hardened, "If you don't believe me then that's your choice. Now I'm going to go. Don't follow me." She shoved past him and he once again grabbed her wrist.

"Marinette wait." She shoved him and continued with her way out the door, only stopping to say "You know, I'm not your girlfriend, and I'm pretty sure your actually girlfriend really wouldn't like us being alone together in a closet." With that she was out the door and Adrien was more concerned than ever.