Chapter 11

It wasn't much different for Diego.
As soon as Victoria fled to her bedroom, he went into the cave dressed as Zorro and drove into the night until he felt physically exhausted. Once back at the hacienda, he slept for two, three hours and woke up early but had to maintain the illusion of being a late sleeper. And so he filled those hours studying books. Not he read anything. Like the nighttime rides he took, there were too many distractions.

He had thought he could live under the same roof as Victoria. After all, before this, she had always been out of his reach. That part hadn't changed.
The only difference was, back then, she hadn't lived in the same house. And he hadn't known what colour her nipples were. How perfectly her breasts filled his hands. How long her legs were and what sounds she made when she got aroused by his touches. Something he had learned all about on that fateful night.
These images haunted him in his fantasies and nightmares as soon as he closed his eyes.

Diego avoided her as much as possible, but she was everywhere. Her spirit spread through the hacienda.
Her smile kept echoing in his ears. There was no escape from her presence. The worst was the hours before sunrise. When it was still too early for her to get up.
The wall separating them was thick, but just the thought of her being less than ten feet and one door away from him was too much. He had stood for the door, wanted to burst in more times than he could remember.

Zorro had tried to discover who this Zorro figure was the lancers claimed to have seen and who had contributed to the poor box. He believed Felipe was telling the truth, and it wasn't him. But who was? Mendoza had been of no use. The sergeant was convinced it was Zorro which was lucky because the alcalde had believed it to make it impossible for don Diego to be Zorro. Since the don had been out somewhere, dishonouring the tavern owner.

One option was this man was a bandit who tried to impersonate Zorro. It had happened before, back when it was the idea of alcalde Ramón.
Most of the previous nights, Zorro had spent searching for a bandit that could be imposing Zorro and not found a trace. This Zorro ghost had disappeared in thin air. And why would an imposter make a contribution?

A week ago, he had considered paying Victoria a visit dressed as Zorro. She had worn a red skirt and white blouse that day and had looked irresistible.
Without having given it a second thought, he had gone into the cave and started changing. He had changed his mind. If he wanted Diego and Victoria to have a chance, Zorro should not interfere.
And the chances of Zorro jumping on her and making her his own, dishonouring a married woman. It had been too high risk. It might sound weird, but he'd always wanted that when they got together for the first time, it was Diego making love to her, not Zorro.
That was also what made him stop at the ravine that night after Toronado neighed. Victoria deserved to know who was the man she was giving herself to.

Diego peered into the darkness until the dial was clear enough to tell what time it was. Only just past three o'clock in the morning. He had been tired when he got home an hour ago. At the moment, he was wide awake again and couldn't get the images of Victoria off his retina.

His father was away for four days to a cattle auction and had persuaded Paco to go with him.

Diego threw off the covers and got dressed. He could not sleep anyway. Perhaps the starry night sky would give him inspiration on how to proceed, and the night air cooled him down enough to think clearer. Jhe, right, and maybe Toronado could fly!

.

Victoria was tossing and turning in bed. She still didn't understand what happened. One minute she had been determind never to give in. The next she was married.

Diego had too much honour to enter his wife's bedroom uninvited.
Would she object if it did? Probably not. Diego was, besides Zorro, the only man who popped into her mind all the time. And since the marriage, it has become worse every day. This time she had dreamed of Zorro kissing en touching her, and Toronado wasn't there. At one moment, she had glared, and the mask had vanished. Zorro had changed into don Diego.

For two long days and nights, she had believed that her dreams could come true. She had spent a wonderful time with Zorro by her side. Today she was suffering the consequences.

It felt like she was doing a great injustice to Diego. He didn't know any better than her heart was with someone else. Victoria had always known that the tall cabellero didn't leave her completely untouched. Zorro had her heart and soul. Diego had always been there as a painful sore. Too hard to ignore, always present and the harder you try to get scratch it or get rid of it. The more painful it got. And that made it even harder to be in his company.

The night was warm, the blankets thick, and despite all that, Victoria couldn't stop shivering. Something was missing, and every day she longed for it more.

It was late at night or too early in the morning, and she was wide awake.
Victoria hadn't wanted this. Diego deserved better. A real marriage to the woman he loved. A woman who was his wife in every sense of the word. Would she ever be able not to compare him to Zorro?

One thing was certain, she couldn't last a minute longer here. The walls were closing in on her, and the room contained too little air. Everything about this bedroom had been carefully selected. And aimed at making your stay as pleasant as possible.
Victoria threw the covers off her and tiptoed to the patio door. She had no idea how noisy it was and didn't want to risk waking Diego.

Victoria didn't bother to get dressed further. No one would see her, and the night was so warm that only a thin nightgown offered enough protection.

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Diego sat in the garden. On the bench that had once been his mother's favourite place.
He had messed up. He was married to the woman he loved. And she didn't love him and would rather be anywhere else than in the hacienda. If it had been an option, she would have eloped with Zorro.
More than ever, Diego wished his mother was here. She would have known what to do and advised him.
If she was here, she would probably put him over her knee and spank him first. Afterwards giving him her exact thouhghts about how he could have been so stupid to let things get this far.

He should have told Victoria Zorro's identity earlier. Now it was too late. So many opportunities and, he was too cowardly to use even one of them. How could she ever forgive him? Marriage was supposed to be built on trust, not on lies.
The opportunity had probably occurred after Victoria recovered from a gunshot wound meant for him. Then he should have told her.
Instead, Zorro had kissed her. The temptation had been too great. He had pushed his guilt into the background with the lie that he was doing it to protect her. The half-hearted attempt he had made to ask her to marry was simply laughable.

Then there had been that time in the mill on the way from Santa Paula. He had struggled not to confess everything. To beg Victoria for her forgiveness, take her in his arms and kiss her until she forgot all about Zorro's existence. Her admiration for Zorro was huge, and she never showed any interest in Diego. The fear of her rejection by then had been even greater. His hope she could love Diego he had ignored. A kiss would have betrayed his secret. And so he had again chosen the most cowardly option.

And then there was that time in his cave. His safe haven, the only place where Diego could be himself. If only he had shown that little bit of extra guts. He had been sincere. If the alarm had gone off a few seconds later, Victoria would have found out his identity.
No, the first opportunity had been on the night Zorro had made his first appearance. He should have told her right that moment.
It no longer mattered, even if he told her.
How could he ever expect her to forgive him? He had married her under false pretences. How could he have made such a mess of everything?

He had hurt Victoria. He had destroyed her, not physically, but emotionally. The best thing was to do was offer her an annulment. And he was planning on doing so. The minute he could bear to see her eyes get filled with hatred.

Diego heard a soft rustle. It could have been a sigh of wind or a night bird seeking a quiet spot in the garden. A white figure floated through the garden. Victoria! And she had noticed him too.
Diego's throat went bone dry instantly. Lost for words. What on earth was he supposed to say to his wife? And why did she have to look so darn tempting?

Victoria saw him too late. Had she known, she would never have gone into the garden. He had seen her walking around his garden wearing nothing more than her nightgown. She folded her arms protectively and made a quick prayer, asking, or she could dissolve into thin air. Of course, it didn't work that way. Victoria felt very uneasy and couldn't hold herself up. Nervously switching from one foot to the other.

He stared straight at her. She could let go of the illusion that he couldn't see her, and she could sneak back in. "Don Diego. I…, I…,"

Victoria felt, if possible, even more, uncomfortable than Diego. The great advantage of the darkness was that she could only see the outline of his body, but not his face.

Diego stood up, at a loss for his attitude. His right-hand gestures to the bench he had been sitting on a moment before. "Victoria, please call me Diego. After all, we are married." An awkward silence. "Would you like to sit?"

Victoria hesitated. She rather would turn around and return to the relative safety of the doña's bedroom as quickly as possible, burying herself under the bed for the next month or so. Diego was much too close.
Come on, Victoria, she told herself. He has always been your best friend for ages, and you are both adults. You are married to him.
And so she nodded, realizing at the same time that Diego couldn't see that. It was too dark for it. "Yes, thank you."

A tense silence followed.

Diego wanted to be somewhere else. But this was Victoria sitting less than two feet from him. If he loved her less, he might have been able to carry on some kind of sensible conversation. At the moment, he could think of anything else than the nymph in white sitting so close by.

"I could not sleep." Victoria began to rattle, trying to break the silence, "Today I went to the tavern. I hired a new help. Since I can spend less of my time in the tavern. Paco has offered to keep on helping on Saturdays. That is kind of him, don't you agree?
I hope you can spare him. He likes working for the Guardian. Has he asked you, or he may write an article on the orphanage? He asked me what I thought you would say. I told him he had to ask you. He sure has an interest in journalism. Who knows, he might one day take over editing the Guardian if you give him a chance."

Diego stood stoically, staring straight ahead. Victoria wondered if he was aware of her presence and had even heard a word she said.

The moon moved out from behind a few clouds, and as his eyes got used to the darkness, he could suddenly see her a lot better in the moonlight.
Toes peeped out from under the brim of the thin lace-trimmed nightgown.
Every part of the body was neatly covered. Still, Victoria might as well have been wearing nothing. Her feminine curves came out way too well. Diego had to make every effort to keep his composure and not take her in his arms and devour her. He forced himself to look the other way.

"Diego, do you want children? Of your own, I mean."

Her voice seemed to come from miles away. One question and she silenced long enough for him to answer. That meant distraction. He could answer the question. But why did it have to be this particular question? To have children, he would have to be intimate with her. Should she let him in her bed? Let him make love to her? His imagination ran wild in the things he liked to do if she let him. Thank God it was too dark for her to see how tight his trousers were at the moment.
Diego cleared his throat.
"An heir would be nice. If..." Diego cleared his throat again. "When the time is right." What did he care about that stupid heir? He wanted her. In his arms, his life and in his bed. Preferably naked, willing and as close as possible. He wanted to hear her moan with pleasure again. To hear how she shout out his name at the height of ecstasy. While he is surrounded by her body and soul.
Victoria licked her lips. Oh, why did she do that? Did she have any idea how difficult it was to focus on her questions when she bit her lower lip? From the kisses Zorro had given her, he knew what her lips tasted like. Like a ripe strawberry. Sweet, soft and firm at the same time.

Victoria's voice faltered. "We'll have to talk about that in a while. I want you to know that...," Her voice fainted away. "I'm not unwilling to..." She just couldn't get the words out of her throat. "You know? When the time comes?"
Had she really say that? Was she willing to invite him to her bed? To…, While Diego maybe was thinking of another woman? And he would think she was dreaming of another man?

Diego already knew it would only end in a disaster. He had tried to convince his father to give Victoria a room in the guest wing. Offered to go and sleep himself on the other side of the hacienda. His father had simply refused to cooperate.
Victoria would sleep in the room next to his. The dona's bedroom. Only a thin wall was separting him from his wife. So close and at the same time further away than ever. True torture.
Of course, he wanted a child. Her child! A girl who looked exactly like her mother. But what he didn't want was for Victoria to feel compelled to let him into her bed. Diego wanted her more than anything. His body ached for her. His only condition was that she had to want him. And there was the problem. Victoria wanted Zorro. Would she be thinking of Zorro in such a moment?

He had remained silent for too long. He had to say something, anything. Victoria looked at him anxiously.
As if he didn't know what to do to her. Diego tried to clear the clot in his throat and cleared his throat again in a valiant effort to produce words. "That's good to hear."

Victoria nodded and bit her lip again as she got up. Still holding her arms anxiously in front of her upper body…
She had spoken too fast and was lost for words.
How did Diego manage to be so disinterested? Her heart was beating like crazy, every nerve and muscle was tense.
And Diego stood there, leaning against the wooden patio. As if he were standing at the counter in the tavern and had just ordered a cup of coffee. She had to get out of here. She couldn't take this any longer without collapsing. Victoria forced her feet to move. In order to get back to the doña's bedroom, she had to somehow walk past Diego about an arm's length away without showing anything. It must be one of the hardest things she ever had to do.

She got too close. He only had to stretch out his arm to hold her.

"Victoria!" Her name cried out from the deepest part of him.

There was so much sorrow in his voice that Victoria froze there and at that moment. Diego stood beside her with his arm outstretched. She looked up and was startled.
The look in his eyes was terrifying.
So intense, so much pain, so heartbreaking. He looked right through her, straight into her heart.

The strange thing was that Victoria felt like she could look straight into his heart for the first time ever. And what she saw was... love. Love for whom? She was caught in his gaze and couldn't tear herself away.
Moments flew by Victoria at a dazzling speed.

Diego, the day he came back from Spain and walked into the tavern and burned his eyes into her soul.
Diego, staring at her as he wanted to ask something. Juan Ortiz had walked in and proposed to her.
Diego, looking briefly at her after he saved his life by knocking over a bottle of wine because some maniac wanted to blow up the tavern with her in it in revenge.
More and more moments flash before her at an ever-faster pace.
Diego, offering to escort her home after dinner at the hacienda.
Diego, grimacing at a comment about there being no woman to charm him.
Diego, grimacing as she once again praised Zorro to heaven.
Diego, wrapping his jacket around her on a stormy night in a freezing cold night. Diego, Diego, Diego.
Again and again, Diego.

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