Faith in Nostalgia
Part II
Twenty-five Years Old
It was a grand and pompous wedding – Naruto's mother's courtesy – that took place in the countryside at a luxurious villa ready for such over-the-top events. The greenery was breathtaking. The interior where the reception would be was tastefully decorated and spacious and there were even independent rooms where most of the guests would spend the night.
Karin was Naruto's cousin and the one getting married that day. To make up for years of absence due to work, Kushina had taken care of everything by herself to please the family, and indeed she had worked her ass off to produce a stunning result. Naruto was impressed, at least.
Even Karin's dress had been hand-made especially for her with the finest materials.
It was a joyous occasion and everyone seemed happy. Naruto himself was happy, even if he felt a little out of place with a strange feeling of loneliness now that his cousin was settling down.
They had gotten tighter during his college years, especially during summer vacations.
Everyone was moving on with their lives and suddenly time didn't seem to go by as slowly as it did when he'd been younger.
He was in a much better place than he'd been a few years previously, too. Naruto had been able to connect more with his family (finally), had dedicated more of his time to his studies, and had started to choose his friends more carefully. It had felt empty for a while since most of his 'friends' suddenly lost interest in hanging out with him, but eventually, he found good people in different groups that he was now close to and was able to trust. He was glad that he was able to be himself at least, and not have to hide behind a mask anymore.
Truth be told, Naruto hadn't been aware that he had so many issues and such degrading self-esteem before the events at the club, seven years previously. His new friends, though, helped him to understand why he felt things in such a contradictory way and suffered from such a terrible fear of rejection while at the same time never feeling worthy of anything regardless of how much money he had.
Strangely, many bad experiences opened the doors to a better version of himself and happier life, and everything bad that had happened to him - all the bad feelings he'd once had - seemed to have been replaced by gentle contentment.
There was still a lot that he needed in his life for him to feel completely happy and fulfilled – things money couldn't buy – but he was getting there. He had long since decided to reach out for what he wanted on his own, and that was a motto he lived by without hesitation. Money was no longer something he relied on, much to his parents' frustration, but he felt a lot less burdened now for some reason.
Naruto wanted to become an artist and own his art studio. Right now, he worked at a graphic design company and was doing well by himself, but this wasn't something he loved doing – he just needed the money for the time being.
"All these years and you still can't tie your damned tie properly," Iruka said, fixing said tie and Naruto's collar with a frown. "This suit was expensive; don't treat it like some random piece of clothing!"
"I know it was expensive, I paid for it," Naruto joked, fondly looking at his caretaker's face. Iruka was growing old, now in his late forties, but he was still as lively and as caring as ever.
"All the more reason for you to properly take care of it," Iruka admonished, patting his chest once he was done. "Such a good-looking boy you are, and you still don't know how to properly take good care of yourself."
"Of course I do, I just don't like suits," Naruto said, with a casual shrug.
The main garden where the welcoming drinks were being served looked beautiful. More and more people were arriving, everyone dressed up and in good spirits.
It was a sunny day, warm but not excessively so. The décor was simple, yet romantic with small tables having been scattered around, the centers decorated with colorful flower arrangements. There was a long table filled with beverages of all types, and waiters walked around with trays, offering some hors d'oeuvres.
Karin didn't have many girlfriends she considered close enough to be bride's maids, so she had asked Naruto to act as her 'best man' and stand next to her at the altar. It was an unusual situation, but Naruto was glad to have been chosen.
Suigetsu also had a best man, but the guy never showed up for rehearsals, always too busy with work, so Naruto never had the chance to meet him.
People were still arriving and socializing and Naruto, as one of the main hosts, greeted all the guests and made sure everyone was having a good time.
His parents looked happy and so perfectly beautiful they both seemed to have come out straight from one of the many magazines they appeared on. It had been such a long time since he'd seen them together in such good spirits that it felt a little eerie to him - the feeling came with a hint of resentment, yet he could deny that it was a relief.
They had slowly but consistently been working on their relationship as a family, and of course, some things time wouldn't bring back, but others could be built from scratch.
It was when Naruto considered going inside to check on Karin to see if she was ready as per the schedule that a familiar voice called out to him, rooting him to the spot as he looked over his shoulder.
"Naruto, wait up!"
It was Suigetsu, Karin's fiancé, but he wasn't alone - a man was making his way towards Naruto right beside him.
With his stomach feeling as if it fell to his feet, Naruto's eyes landed upon the supposed stranger. He noticed the newcomer's dark eyes widening ever so slightly in surprise, finding that encounter just as unexpected, but it was quickly concealed.
Swallowing hard, Naruto turned to face the two men as they stopped in front of him. Suigetsu's smile was wide when he threw an arm around his companion's shoulders.
"I want to finally introduce you to my best man, and mine and Karin's friend from high school," Suigetsu said in his jovial way. "This is Uchiha Sasuke, currently so busy he's constantly going M.I.A., but at least he's around when he's necessary. Sasuke, this is Karin's best man and cousin, Naruto."
Despite feeling slightly sick with nervousness, Naruto automatically flashed both men a bright smile, effectively playing the part of the perfect host. "Hey, Sasuke, it's nice to meet you!" He greeted, extending a hand to the other. "I've heard so much about you!"
It was strange that, no matter how much he had changed and improved himself, Naruto still could quickly adapt himself, his mood and personality, according to necessity. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to either hide or pounce Sasuke, but he didn't want to make things awkward so he did neither.
He simply couldn't believe that Sasuke of all people was there.
"Same," Sasuke said politely, taking Naruto's cue by reaching out and taking the offered hand, shaking it with a strong grip. "I'm sorry that we didn't get to meet before."
Ah, so he had made the right choice by not giving away the fact that they already knew each other, Naruto concluded, unsure of whether this made him feel relieved or anxious. He knew Sasuke had recognized him, but would this bring them to socialize, or would it be a reason for Sasuke to avoid him all day?
Naruto wanted to be ready for both outcomes. It was a miracle already that this was happening.
"Nah, what's important is that you're here today," Naruto said casually, a little disappointed when Sasuke's hand gently slipped away from his. "Make sure to let me know if you need something. My family organized all of this, so I know my way around."
"Thank you, I will," Sasuke replied, offering him a small, yet devastatingly handsome smile that took Naruto off guard for a second.
Naruto remembered Sasuke's eyes as being dark, almost black, but under the sun, they looked brighter, something close to shimmering steel. He still wore his hair in that same strange yet timeless way that was a bit spiked in the back with rebellious bangs framing his correct features, yet it wasn't a disheveled look at all. He was taller now, his body had filled up in all the right places, his impeccable dark blue suit a perfect, flattering fit for him.
God, he was even more good-looking than Naruto remembered. There was no doubt in his mind that, right there, in front of him, stood his savior, and the person who had run away from him when he had so wanted to reach out and talk to him.
Even if Sasuke's demeanor was well-mannered, there was something about his posture that made people tense in awareness. His eyes were sharp, intelligent, and penetrating, evaluating, as if capable of reading a person's mind and heart. Sasuke's gaze was firm, unreadable, and unfaltering, and it made Naruto's heart race with an unexpected surge of adrenaline.
Yes, Sasuke had recognized him, he was sure of that now.
He'd be damned if he allowed the other man to run away from him again.
"We gotta find Juugo, Sas, he was around here somewhere," Suigetsu said absently. "He's probably looking at flowers or birds or some shit, you know how he is."
"I'm going to check up on Karin, but I think it's best if we start telling people to take their seats for the ceremony; it's almost time," Naruto said, checking his watch casually. "We're on a tight schedule, for now."
Suigetsu went pale at that, for the first time, giving away how nervous he was.
Sasuke shoved his hands inside the pockets of his pants. "I'll help," he said easily, and Naruto nodded, smiling softly.
"Thanks."
000
The ceremony had been long, yet emotional. Suigetsu cried despite how many times he had claimed that he wouldn't and that it was just a wedding, a contract, no need to be sentimental about it. However, all it took was a glimpse of Karin in her beautiful simple white dress for him to become a sobbing mess, much to her exasperation.
As best men, Naruto and Sasuke had sat side by side at the front along with the rest of the family. They hadn't talked much, but Naruto still felt acutely aware of the other man's presence next to him, the other's scent so different now that he was older, yet still so distinctive it was maddening. He still smelled like cinnamon somehow. Naruto hated cinnamon, yet found that the smell was nice if it came from Sasuke.
Naruto had never forgotten that smell, for some reason engraving itself in his senses and memory when he'd been passed out at the hospital. He couldn't explain it himself, but it wasn't something his mind had been willing to forget. It almost seemed impossible that things had come down to this, that they would be meeting each other like this, so many years later.
Sasuke was polished, polite, and, apparently, not all that keen on running away from Naruto this time. Perhaps it was only an act so it wouldn't look suspicious, but Sasuke seemed genuinely at ease, completely devoid of embarrassment and awkwardness as if finding Naruto again after having fled from his life in such an abrupt way hadn't upset him at all.
Naruto didn't know how to feel about this. Maybe Sasuke was just that type of person, easily sailing through these situations without breaking a sweat. Maybe he had seen Sasuke as his savior, his beautiful angel that had helped him open his eyes and change his way of life while Sasuke only remembered him as the drunken nuisance he'd had to save out of moral obligation. Regardless, fate must've had a hand in all of this because things like these only happened in movies.
Still, even making small talk with Sasuke was easy - the man replied and always had some input to offer to not let the mood sour, and Naruto liked that because it made him feel at ease and not like he was trying in vain.
During the reception, though, being forced to socialize with family members and being pulled away from Sasuke, Naruto felt immensely restless.
Sasuke would be sitting at a table with Juugo and some other guests while Naruto would be on opposite sides of the room at another table with Iruka. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing the opportunity, so he explained to Iruka what was happening - which he understood not without a hint of surprise - and made his way to Sasuke's table to boldly ask the girl sitting next to him if she didn't mind changing seats since they didn't seem to know each other. Said girl was a little taken aback and looked disappointed that she had to leave Sasuke's side (who wouldn't?) but relented and gave Naruto her seat.
Sasuke was eyeing him in amusement as Naruto took the now empty seat on the extravagant chair next to him. Juugo's placid expression changed to one of gentle curiosity as he observed both of them.
"That's quite the long-distance traveling," Sasuke smoothly joked, resting a cheek on his fist as he looked at Naruto, and his voice was so low, yet resonating it was almost imperceptibly seductive. "Not sure it's worth it, though, since the view is compromised from here."
Indeed, their table was at the farthest end of the room.
"It's not like I'm missing anything I haven't seen," Naruto said with a smile. "I've been putting up with my family and the newlyweds all week. Can't say I'm regretting not having first row seats to the yucky displays of affection."
Juugo laughed a little, and Sasuke smirked. "Well, good for you, then," he said, still with a hint of a tease. "I suppose that's reason enough to change seats."
Naruto looked back at him, his smile still firmly in place. He reached out to grab a bottle of wine from the center of the table. "Come on, Sasuke, surely you don't believe I came all the way to sit right next to you as a coincidence, right?" He said, knowing he was being maybe a little too blunt, too soon, but not caring. He waved the bottle in his hand slightly. "Wine?"
The amusement in Sasuke's feline eyes seemed to grow. Juugo snorted. "I think he's trying to hit on you," the man said to Sasuke as if his friend didn't know that already.
"Not hitting on, no," Naruto denied good-naturedly. "I'm not confident enough to assume he's into guys or anything like that, but he's definitely hot, so I might as well sit next to someone as good-looking as myself."
"Not only reckless but conceited, too," Sasuke said sarcastically, shaking his head, even if everything in his carefully guarded features now seemed open to displaying obvious interest. "Charming."
It wasn't said with malice, but with obvious peaked interest and it was quite the rush.
"He is into guys, by the way," Juugo informed for some reason (Naruto deduced to probably help Sasuke get laid or something, not that he needed 'help'), which Sasuke didn't deny. "I'm not sure you're his type, though. No-one knows if he even has a type, to be honest."
"I'll accept some wine, Naruto," Sasuke said with a nod, leaning back in his chair. "But don't give Juugo any or he might start blurting out unnecessary embarrassing information."
Naruto couldn't be happier.
Lunch was abundant and delicious, and Naruto spent it chatting easily with both Sasuke and Juugo, on occasion with others at the table, as well, because that was just the type of person he was, always wanting to make everyone feel happy and welcomed.
He and Sasuke didn't talk about their past or the fact that they already knew each other in a way. Since the other man didn't seem inclined to bring it up, Naruto didn't feel like he needed to, either - he would play along, for now, and maybe at a later time, they could bring it up whenever it was comfortable for both of them.
The more they talked to each other, even if about mundane things, the easier it was to feel like they had been doing it forever. Sasuke seemed serious, yet had a good sense of humor and his sarcasm never failed to amuse Naruto. He was also extremely open-minded and was knowledgeable about just any topic presented, which Naruto should have expected since he remembered that Sasuke had been a star student, and it was obvious that he was super smart - he had only just begun working some fancy position for the United Nations.
Lunch seemed to last for hours of never-ending topics and conversations. The more they hung out, the more anxious and excited Naruto became because Sasuke was such a good sport when it came to drinking and seemed to become more attractive with every passing minute. His mannerisms were elegant, yet confident, both his voice and his actions alluring, inviting, nonchalantly sexy. Naruto wondered if he was imagining things, but Sasuke's body language towards him seemed sinfully seductive and highly responsive to him. It was obvious that Sasuke was a head-turner, many eyes fixed on him, yet it was clear that he paid more attention to Naruto than others, or so he hoped.
Was he being conceited? Was his hopefulness so strong that he was being delusional?
When their flowing conversation came accompanied by pats on the shoulders or arms, elbows to the side, or an occasional unnecessary removal of specs of dust from clothes, Naruto knew - just knew - that he wasn't delusional. Sasuke didn't even touch Juugo that often, and the man was one of his best friends.
Naruto hadn't exactly been hitting on Sasuke, but he hadn't been all that shy in hiding how he felt about him, either, having openly dragged his chair closer to the man and casually throwing an arm over the back of Sasuke's, not touching the man, but making it obvious that he was looking for physical proximity, wanting more intimacy. Sasuke noticed it, making a physical point of expressing his awareness of the fact by rubbing his thigh against Naruto's more often than not.
It was a thrill, unlike anything Naruto had ever experienced, all this easy not-really-flirting with someone he genuinely wanted as he'd never wanted anyone in his life.
All his flings, all the times he thought he'd been attracted to people seemed feeble compared to how he felt now, maybe because he was older, focusing on things that were more important than sex, or maybe because this was Sasuke, someone he had been thinking about for years.
Looking at Sasuke now, Naruto remembered seeing him at that club, and how his breath had been taken away by the sight of him. Naruto had wanted him then, too, without even knowing the predicament they'd be in, together. The feelings were different now, and so were the motivations, but the intensity was still the same.
Correction, it was much stronger now that Sasuke was no longer a stranger.
By nightfall, the complicity between them became evident as they mutually encouraged each other in their speeches to the happy couple.
Naruto's speech was full of jokes and memories of the past. Sasuke's had been eloquent and reminiscent of times when Karin, Juugo, and Suigetsu entered his life, offering him so much support and love he hadn't known he needed up until then. Naruto was happy to hear about it - happy that Sasuke had found something good in his life when he'd been struggling so much.
Only when it became safe to assume that they wouldn't be needed anymore did Naruto feel courageous enough to invite Sasuke for a drink. More accurately, a stronger drink since they'd been having wine for hours now.
Granted, they were both probably a little tipsy already, but not exactly drunk - just a little chattier than usual. It didn't matter either way as long as they could spend a bit of time by themselves. Naruto wanted to at least get Sasuke's phone number at some point.
Sasuke, to his delight, promptly accepted.
Turns out I still have a good game, Naruto mused, proud of himself.
There was something about Sasuke that made him feel at ease and that allowed him to want to reach out and be bold, but this probably came from the fact that, somehow, he wasn't afraid of Sasuke's reactions.
The man was guarded, yet charmingly sociable and had beautifully opened up to Naruto.
They spend about half an hour at the bar together, chatting while also making casual conversation with the lively bartender over a glass of scotch – Sasuke's impeccable choice.
They had already divested themselves of their suits' jackets and ties and unbuttoned their shirts a bit as they headed outside to grab some fresh air. Naruto liked seeing the other man in a more relaxed way because it suited him well. Everything seemed to suit Sasuke, anyway.
The night was warm, but the slight breeze was pleasant and helped cool their flushed cheeks. Considering the area for the event was huge, they walked side by side for a while, enjoying the beautiful garden until they spotted the small playground, now devoid of children considering the time.
"Hey, let's go there!" Naruto said excitedly, elbowing Sasuke's side.
"To the playground?" Sasuke asked, a little surprised.
"Yeah, sounds like fun!" Naruto grabbed his companion's arm, flashing him a smile. "Plus it's quiet. It's a nice place to talk."
The other man eyed him a little curiously but ended up nodding. "I suppose you're right."
"Yay!"
They made their way to the playground, which was installed inside a large sandbox where one could find a slide, a swing set with two swings, and a small wooden house with a red roof.
As he entered the sandbox and ran to the swing set, Naruto had to admit that he was rather excited for some reason he couldn't quite grasp, but his grin was huge as he politely indicated one of the seats to Sasuke. "After you, Sir."
Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, amused. "You want me to sit on the swing?" He asked, shaking his head slightly. "Are you serious?"
"Of course," Naruto said, with a nod. "Would you mind indulging me?"
There was a moment of pause during which Sasuke eyed Naruto silently, calmly yet penetratingly as if trying to read what was on his mind. Then, he heaved a sigh. "If you insist."
Full of glee, Naruto watched as Sasuke elegantly hopped inside the sandbox and approached him, carefully sitting on the swing. Elegant fingers curled around the chains at either side of him, and Naruto had to force himself to focus as he, too, sat on the swing next to his companion. It was far too easy for him to get enraptured by Sasuke's every move, especially now that he was so contently buzzed and loosened by the alcohol.
"Happy?" Sasuke inquired with obvious sarcasm.
"Yep!" Naruto said cheerfully. "As I thought, you look nice sitting there."
"I'm starting to think there's something wrong with you."
"Don't be like that," Naruto dismissed. "There's just something… I don't know… relieving about seeing you there, for some reason."
"Relieving?"
"Don't ask, I can't explain it."
It was true though, Naruto thought, taking a few seconds to contemplate Sasuke's handsome features. He didn't know what it was, but for some reason, he had wanted the other man to sit on that swing badly, maybe because, somehow, Sasuke brought back the distinct childhood memory he had of that little boy who hadn't been able to go to the playground like other children. He couldn't remember the boy clearly, but he thought he remembered him to have dark hair and eyes, much like Sasuke.
"You are a strange guy, Naruto," Sasuke said, and his tone was soft, almost fond, which presented a strange contrast to the composed, almost distant person he had presented himself as.
"I know," Naruto muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up again at the mere timbre of Sasuke's voice. "This feels nice though, doesn't it?"
"It does," Sasuke agreed, with a smirk. "You have a gift for impromptu clichés, I see."
"It's part of my natural charm."
Sasuke's gaze lingered on him for a couple of seconds before sliding away, contemplating the large gardens and beautiful lighting in front of them. Even so, Naruto's blue eyes were shamelessly trained on him, unable to look away.
"You know, moments like these are so fleeting it feels both unreal and overwhelming," Sasuke eventually said, his tone still conversational, yet oddly intimate.
"How so?" Naruto asked, quietly. A part of him wondered what Sasuke could possibly be thinking about to sound so full of something akin to longing.
"During events like these, when we drink and have fun, life just seems so much simpler it's almost laughable." Sasuke snorted softly. "But these small moments of contentment are still impactful, I suppose, even if they have to end at some point."
"Did I manage to make an impact on you?" Naruto asked, feeling bold.
Sasuke rolled his eyes at him. "Don't get me wrong, while I'm thrilled for my best friend's marriage, I thought I was going to be bored to death the whole day, minding my business next to Juugo because that's kind of our thing." He laughed. "I didn't expect you to happen."
At this, Naruto's heart skipped a beat. At this particular moment, Sasuke could be alluding to them and their past together, and this could be the chance Naruto had been waiting for to talk about how they knew each other already.
Still, he was feeling hesitant. Sasuke hadn't been straightforward, hadn't mentioned it at all, so maybe bringing it up would only end up destroying the delicate balance they had achieved.
"That's a good thing because I didn't expect you to happen either," Naruto commented instead. "But I'm glad we met today."
A small agreeing sound resonated from within Sasuke's throat, but he didn't look back at Naruto. He seemed lost in his thoughts, completely comfortable with the silence. Naruto liked it – that he'd been able to make him look this content as if nothing in the world could bother him right now.
It was a beautiful sort of victory for him, something that made him feel so decadently accomplished he couldn't explain it if he tried.
Slowly, Naruto stood and made his way to Sasuke until he was in front of him. Crouching down, he placed both hands on the seat of the swing at either side of Sasuke's thighs, careful not to touch the man in case he was thinking too much of himself and completely misunderstanding the mood between them – there was always a part of him that always felt insecure, unworthy, inferior, and he couldn't help but feel a little anxious.
Finally, Sasuke looked down at him, his eyes gentle, inscrutable like quiet nocturnal waters, and he didn't seem at all uncomfortable nor surprised. "What is it?" he asked, his voice steady, yet it was but a whisper.
"You look gorgeous under this sort of light you know?" Naruto muttered back, honestly. "Makes me want to kiss you."
The corner of Sasuke's mouth curved in a small smirk. There was some form of silent acknowledgment there, and for the first time, Naruto could tell for sure that they were completely aware of each other. This magnetism was brought forth by much more than the night's events. "I don't know why you haven't yet."
Naruto was sure now that what was happening wasn't a spur-of-the-moment thing and not a wedding fling – it was merely the consequences of their past, and probably even the culmination of all the things they could've been if life had been different for both.
At least this was what he wanted to believe in.
His heart filled with joy; Naruto's fears instantly vanished from his mind. His hands moved to Sasuke's knees now as he flexed his legs so he could lift himself ever so slightly. Sasuke was kind enough to lean down at the same time, so it was with surprising ease that their parted lips met.
It wasn't easy to kiss when one of the people in question was sitting on an unstable surface, but Naruto didn't let that bother him. Sasuke's mouth was hot and his tongue was curious, languidly stroking his and filling him with the taste of liquor, and their kiss was blissfully clumsy, hungry, and mature, completely devoid of experimental hesitation and simply perfect. Neither cared to seem experienced, and Naruto had no idea what he had expected, but he was sure it had been something as good as this.
Sasuke's scent was as vivid and distinct from up close as he remembered it. Like a familiar homely scent, it brought a strange pang of longing and nostalgia to his very soul.
Naruto's mind felt euphoric. For the first time, he understood what it meant to do this with someone he truly wanted to kiss.
Sasuke's warm breathing was quick - a dead giveaway to his growing enthusiasm - his mouth working against his relentlessly, and sometimes he would release small, almost imperceptible moans of pleasure that had Naruto feeling dizzy.
He didn't want it to ever end - any of it.
"My room or yours?" he mumbled against the other man's moist lips, feeling both excited and blissfully buzzed, and he didn't care about threading around carefully anymore when it was more than obvious that they were on the same page right now.
"I don't have a room," Sasuke said huskily, pressing one last heavy kiss on Naruto's mouth before leaning slightly away so they could look at each other. "I told Karin I didn't want to spend the night."
With a seductive smile, Naruto's fingers squeezed Sasuke's knees. "I'm looking forward to changing your mind then."
000
It was Sasuke's foot that slammed the door of Naruto's room closed with way too much force – a consequence of his clear eagerness and enthusiasm, and hell, Naruto was elated. They hadn't been able to get their hands off each other on the way there, fondling, feeling, hugging, mouths far too anxious to stop kissing, both their senses on fire with desire and anticipation. There was some form of embarrassment as well as they sometimes erupted in fits of laughter, but it was all happy, almost innocent, mutually respected.
Naruto would lie if he said he hadn't been in such a situation when he'd been in a horny mess with someone else, yet it felt different this time, so different that he could almost swear it resembled the young blossoming of instant love.
He wasn't naïve or stupid enough to think that, though. Naruto didn't know much about love, but he'd been in love before, even if fleetingly so. Now, he thought that he'd only been looking for something far too difficult to find.
But the way they felt together, how their hands slid over each other's bodies, how carelessly they dealt with each other with complete openness and trust.
Sasuke behaved as if he was his already. Maybe Naruto behaved as if he was Sasuke's, too. It was an uncanny sense of belonging that didn't make sense, yet it did.
Somehow, what he felt with this man felt simple, yet so complicated in his mind he didn't know which way to turn to. All he knew was that he wanted Sasuke in many ways and he wanted him now, tomorrow, maybe even a year from then.
The room was huge yet dark since they hadn't turned on the lights. Because Naruto knew where everything was, he was able to wrap his arms around Sasuke's neck and pull him along. Their mouths moved hurriedly against each other as Naruto took a few steps back - Sasuke's fingers clawing at his waist possessively - until the back of Naruto's knees connected with the bed. He wasn't shy in letting himself fall back, forcing the other to fall with him as they landed on the mattress clumsily, the dark-haired one on top of him as their teeth clashed a little painfully, causing them both to grunt in discomfort.
This was only a momentary distraction though because Sasuke quickly got his wits together by moving swiftly so his legs were straddling Naruto's thighs. He leaned back to sit on Naruto's legs, lips parted as he breathed heavily, feral eyes trained on Naruto as his fingers did an amazing job of quickly undoing the buttons in his shirt.
Even though it was dark, the lights from the outside filtered in enough for Naruto to see Sasuke's face and the shape of his body. His heart was hammering inside his chest at noticing that they both wanted this so badly there wasn't a single hint of hesitation in their minds.
He was momentarily distracted by the sight of Sasuke's chest and abs, revealed through the gaps of his now opened shirt, blue eyes trained on the fair expanse of skin, reveling in the thin trail of dark hair that emerged from his pants and ended just a little below his belly button.
Moving to a sitting position, Naruto's mouth attacked the side of Sasuke's neck with hungry bites, his hands immediately coming to work on undoing Sasuke's belt.
"Fuck," Sasuke hissed, reaching out to curl his fingers around the hairs at the top of Naruto's head as his hips bucked forward to make the blond one move faster, the action forcing his ass to rub deliciously against Naruto's already painful arousal. He tilted his head more to the side, inviting Naruto to do more, kiss him more, which he did by offering a few bites to Sasuke's earlobe before sucking it into his mouth just as he undid the button of Sasuke's fancy pants. He could feel the length of Sasuke's hard-on behind the thin zipper, pressed against the underside of his underwear.
God, he wanted to see Sasuke's cock and taste it as fast as possible - he was sure by now that every corner of Sasuke's body tasted amazing.
Strong fingers yanked Naruto's head back, and he could see Sasuke's lust-filled eyes on him, the sight fueling his libido like nothing else. He was sure that no one had ever expressed this much desire for him before, not like this.
Just as Sasuke was leaning down to kiss him again, there was a loud buzzing sound. Both started at the unexpected vibration coming from Sasuke's lower parts - his cell phone, still tucked away inside the pocket of his pants. Naruto's fingers, now hooked inside the hem of Sasuke's underwear, froze.
Sasuke looked confused for a second, his expression changing completely as he fished out the device. He looked at the screen, frowning.
"You can't be serious, Sasuke," Naruto uttered, a little angry that they'd been interrupted by a fucking phone call of all things.
"It's my brother, I have to take this," Sasuke said firmly, not even sounding apologetic. Before Naruto could protest, he slid his finger across the screen and picked up the call. "What is it, Itachi? I'm fucking busy."
Naruto wanted to feel offended, he truly did, but the way Sasuke's expression suddenly changed from one of annoyance to pure panic didn't let him. It was impossible to understand what the man on the other side of the line was saying, but Sasuke was turning paler by the second and all Naruto could do was slowly withdraw his hands from his underwear.
He could already tell where this was going, so he might as well save himself the disappointment by anticipating it.
"I… okay, I'll be right there," Sasuke eventually said, the tremble in his voice making something clench deep inside Naruto's heart.
Sasuke hung up but his eyes were completely unfocused now, lost somewhere that wasn't Naruto, his attention completely gone. Whatever Itachi had told him had upset him greatly, and at seeing it Naruto couldn't even find the strength to be frustrated.
"Sasuke?" he called out carefully, touching his legs. "What's wrong? Whatever it is, it's fine. I'll help you out, okay? Just tell me how I can-"
"I have to go," Sasuke snapped suddenly, rolling away from Naruto so quickly the blond man was assaulted by a wave of cold shock.
"What do you mean, go?" Naruto asked, straightening up on the bed, horrified as he watched Sasuke quickly buttoning everything up. "Are you listening? I don't care that you're leaving me with blue balls, but if something's wrong at least let me help!"
Sasuke wasn't looking at him, not daring to look back at him, his mind an obvious chaotic mess.
But this was exactly why Naruto felt so suddenly anxious. What the fuck had happened now to make that gorgeous face that had been so flawlessly peaceful just an hour previously look as if the world was going to end?
"I'm sorry, Naruto," Sasuke said, running a shaky hand over his hair, and he sounded sincere enough, of that there was no doubt, but something else was now a priority, and that thing wasn't Naruto. From Sasuke's response - or lack of it thereof - he didn't want Naruto to be a part of it either.
"Don't fucking walk out like this!" Naruto protested, just as Sasuke made his way to the door. "Sasuke!"
"I'm sorry," Sasuke repeated, but he was already opening the door and leaving without another word to soothe a more than flabbergasted Naruto.
000
Naruto promised himself that he would never depend on his family again, and this was why he didn't have the knowledge or the monetary means to trace Sasuke's whereabouts. He didn't want to let go of the man who had so easily and strangely dumped him (again) but he didn't know how to reach him otherwise.
Despite his better judgment, he was too worried, so a week after the wedding, he ended up calling Karin during her honeymoon.
It turned out Sasuke's mother had passed away. As if this wasn't bad enough news, Sasuke's father, already suffering from crippling depression, had decided to follow her just a few hours after.
Naruto's horror only made him want to see Sasuke even more to offer him some support, a shoulder to cry on, anything. He would give anything, do anything just to help Sasuke go through this - just to be there by his side and do something.
"Just let him be," Karin had said over the phone, sadly. "Suigetsu and I interrupted our honeymoon for a while to go to the funeral and he's… he has Itachi and Shisui. Just give him some time, Naruto. If you go and meet him at this point you'll only make him resent you. He'll be worried that he's a burden to you, and he doesn't need to be thinking about someone else's well-being right now."
"What am I supposed to do then?" Naruto had asked, helplessly. "I want to be there for him. I don't… I can't lose sight of him anymore, Karin."
Karin had sighed. "He's not the type to hook up with people at weddings, you know?" she had confessed, almost with a hint of a smile in her voice. "Just give him some time. If he liked you, I can assure you you'll get to talk to him again, okay? For now, I'm sorry, but as his friend, I can't give you his phone number."
And, despite his immense frustration, Naruto did wait.
Twenty Eight Years Old
It was wintertime and already late into the evening when Sasuke stepped inside the modern building through the glass doors, feeling a steady sense of resolution even if a part of him still felt hesitant.
The art exhibit wasn't big, even though the main room was huge, with tall walls adorned by Naruto's paintings with a considerable amount of space between them.
'Nostalgia' was the name of the exhibit, according to the pamphlet Karin had given him. Sasuke enjoyed art but was often too busy to waste time going to museums or exhibits such as these. However, this was a different occasion, and while he had given it much thought before coming, now that he was here, he felt curious about Naruto's paintings.
No one seemed to be there aside from him, considering the presentation party had started that afternoon and at this point, most people aside from the planners (and Naruto, he hoped) must've gone home already. There wasn't a single trace that a fancy party had taken place, either.
Naruto's art was colorful and abstract, yet strikingly evocative. It depicted particular objects or places, sometimes moments in time, or so it seemed. One painting was what looked like a playground, another one an aisle at a supermarket. There was a darker one where one could make out the glimpse of a black wing - big and powerful like an angel's.
An empty dark room. Two bodies, genderless and faceless, intertwining together. A glass of whiskey. Elegant hands grasping a set of iron chains. The list of random things went on and on. Sasuke didn't know if this was considered good art or not, but the paintings were solemn and impactful, at least to him. Looking at them made him momentarily breathless.
Steps echoed in the large contemporary room. Out of instinct, Sasuke looked to the side to see who was approaching only to confirm that it was Naruto – the person he had wanted to see.
Even so, when Naruto stopped beside him Sasuke's heart felt heavy. Naruto looked handsome in a dark blue sweater over a baby blue shirt and a pair of jeans. Maybe it was the lighting, but his eyes seemed bluer than he recalled. He looked a little taken aback by his presence, neither happy nor displeased, just cautious somehow, and Sasuke didn't know if this made him feel restless or relieved.
"Sasuke," Naruto said, his voice the same pleasant tone he remembered. "Hi."
"Hello, Naruto," Sasuke greeted back, with a small nod.
Naruto's mouth hung slightly open for a while as they looked at each other. "It's been a while. I didn't expect to see you here," Naruto confessed, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his jeans.
"I do enjoy art in all forms and shapes," Sasuke commented, not knowing what to say without immediately giving himself away. "Karin told me about your exhibit and I felt curious. You're very talented."
"Thank you," Naruto mumbled, offering him a small, unsure smile. "I like to believe that it helps people reminisce about a fond past."
"Yes, it makes sense that you called it 'Nostalgia'," Sasuke nodded. "It certainly evokes… a lot of emotion."
Naruto's eyes were ridiculous, Sasuke thought, not knowing how the other man was able to keep such a firm, shameless eye contact without the feeling of needing to look away, and it was only out of defiance that Sasuke looked back.
No, not out of defiance – the blue in those huge, honest eyes had haunted him for years. He wasn't embarrassed about staring back, he just didn't know how it would look like, to Naruto, and he didn't want it to be misinterpreted. He was scared of what his eyes would expose and admit to.
The last time they saw each other they had been so enraptured in each other they'd almost had sex before Sasuke had to leave.
Many things about his actions towards Naruto caused him a bit of regret, and he didn't want to feel that anymore.
Regardless, he didn't want to seem eager, or weak, either.
Without looking away, Naruto cleared his throat. "We were about to close, but feel free to look around as you please," he said, so infuriatingly formally that Sasuke didn't know what to do with himself. Was Naruto distancing himself from him or was he just as overwhelmed? "Can I get you something to drink…"
"I never got to properly apologize for running off like that," Sasuke snapped before he could even process what he was doing. "So I'm really sorry. I wanted to spend the night with you, I just… It had nothing to do with you, and things just…"
"Karin told me about it, so you don't need to apologize," Naruto assured him, raising a hand to carefully dismiss it. To Sasuke's elation, a faint pinkness tainted Naruto's cheeks as the man had the decency to finally look a little affected. "I'm sorry about your parents. I admit that I was pretty disappointed at first. I wondered what could be so important that you just had to go and disappear, but then I understood. It's fine, Sasuke."
It wasn't fine. The disappointment was still present in Naruto's gaze, and Sasuke could see it. He'd been disappointed too, and most of all, sad.
By now, he had made peace with how he felt about Naruto and what he wanted. However, back then, he'd felt so lost after what happened to his parents, so lonely he had wanted to call him just to have someone to lean on, just once. Karin had encouraged him to, but he'd never been selfish like that – he didn't know how to. He no longer knew how to ask for help, comfort, love…
Naruto had suffered in his life, too, so he didn't need to take on Sasuke's burdens.
Everything in Sasuke's life had been earned through suffering and struggling. He didn't know how to rely on anyone else but himself.
"I did think about you a few times," Sasuke admitted because that was all he could do to not bomb Naruto with his feelings and stupid excuses of how much a mess of a person he was. "I know you tried getting my number, but I wasn't in a good place, and I didn't want our relationship to be a burden from the start."
At this, Naruto frowned, a glimpse of resentment contorting features that in just a few hours made Sasuke smile more than he'd smiled his whole life.
"It wouldn't have been a burden, I just… wish I could've been there to help you that's all," the man said truthfully, shaking his head. "I wasn't interested in you just for the sex you know. I really wanted us to…"
"All my life I've been struggling to reach a time and place where I could be someone capable of fixing everything bad in my life," Sasuke interrupted, clenching his fists, his eyes confidently glued to Naruto's in a silent plea for him to listen, to understand, before anything else could move forward – or be permanently eliminated – between them. "I wanted to help my family. I wanted to be able to make everything right, finally. As soon as my brother and I finally accomplished that, things seemed to be falling into place. And then I met you at that wedding and I thought… Maybe this time my life will finally run smoothly. Maybe this time everything will work out the way I want. Only it didn't."
He knew Naruto knew what he was talking about. Naruto had once stalked him, so he knew everything about him, all the struggles, his and Itachi's hard work to take care of Shisui and their parents, how they sometimes barely had food to eat, how they were always so tired they almost gave up on their studies…
Naruto knew, but he still wanted him. Even when Sasuke was at his lowest, Naruto had wanted to be there, even if, in the end, he had respected Sasuke's space – twice.
"Sasuke…"
"It took a while for me to find some peace of mind after… after everything," Sasuke proceeded. "I wanted to see you again but I thought that I wasn't worthy. For a long time, I thought that if I tried to reach you some fucked up event would ruin everything all over again because that's just my life. It took a long time for me to realize that, despite what happened, things were finally quiet. I'm finally free. Nothing can be any worse than what I lived anymore."
He took a deep breath – he wasn't even following the script he had so meticulously prepared for this meeting anymore, he was just being himself and, as usual, something about Naruto made him fearless, confident that he wouldn't be judged.
"I honestly don't know anything about you, but I want to," he stated, without shame. "I was too proud and scared to ask Karin if you're single or not, but I still wanted to come and find you so we could at least talk and maybe be friends. Even if it still terrifies me that something can go wrong or that you no longer want anything to have to do with me, I had to at least try and reach out for something I want. Even though I still feel like I somehow don't deserve it."
Naruto was looking back at him with a pained expression, his teeth gnawing at his lower lip. "Why would you say that?" he whispered, genuinely confused by his words. "What is it that you feel you don't deserve? Happiness? Peace?"
Sasuke shrugged, a flash of emotions making his voice tremble lightly. "I don't know."
And it was the truth. He had accomplished so much in his life, now had a steady career, made a nice income, had a nice roof over his head, and could buy everything he wanted. He had made a name for himself, had become someone, yet he knew he would probably always feel unworthy, dislocated from all those simple, yet important things people obtained without money.
Naruto all but heaved a sigh. Slowly, he reached out a hand and carefully ran a knuckle over Sasuke's jaw, the contact soothing Sasuke's soul like a healing balm. Naruto's touch was gentle, full of longing, yet respectful – all of it indicating that he had been thinking about Sasuke, too, and had wanted him as well, all this time.
"Indeed, we don't know each other, Sasuke," Naruto whispered, gentle fingers grabbing his chin before caressing it with a thumb. "It's also true that I come from a rich family, and it's also true that my parents are celebrities and that I could afford anything I wanted growing up, unlike you. But I was miserable all the time so I didn't care about myself or the people around me as I should."
Sasuke's eyes never left Naruto's, his heart speeding up considerably at the proximity, and even though he could tell it affected Naruto, as well, the man was composed, his words well-chosen. Sasuke wanted to touch him, to indulge in the affection that he'd been craving for so long, yet he didn't move.
"When you saved me you made me realize I wanted to love myself and feel worthy for me, not for what I had," Naruto proceeded, withdrawing his hand far too slowly. "Even though I always had everything, I always felt like I wasn't worthy of all the things that money can't buy, and most of the time I just wanted to disappear. Thanks to you, I taught myself to feel worthy so I could search for my own kind of happiness."
Even though Naruto wasn't touching him anymore, he hadn't stepped away either, still too close to be considered casual, his body language an obvious giveaway of his intentions, of how it felt, and Sasuke didn't know if he felt emotional or just ecstatic because no love confession would ever make him feel quite like as relieved as this.
"You were on the verge of a mental breakdown at that convenience store because you had no money. I thought you had such a nice hairstyle and I felt so sorry for you. You walked by me and your smell seemed to linger. I could recognize your scent anywhere. It hasn't changed a bit. Plus the story I unraveled when I had you researched was the same the cashier lady told me about that day."
"What?" Sasuke asked, blinking up at the other man. It wasn't possible. "You… were the guy who paid for my things?"
Naruto's warm smile gave him the answer he needed.
He couldn't believe it. So… he and Naruto did go way back, even without either of them noticing up until a certain point.
Naruto, who had always taken a step forth to help him as he could.
Sasuke had once promised to find him and he had, even without knowing.
If Sasuke believed in God or fate, he would've believed that an unknown deity out there had put them in each other's lives for a reason so they could help each other and meet like this.
No, that wasn't possible. Then again, because of Naruto, somehow, Sasuke had been able to have faith that not everything had to be bad all the time, even if fear still resided within him.
Even so, was it wrong to believe it, absurd as it may be?
"Before I drank myself silly and took those stupid drugs I saw you at the club and thought you were the most dazzling person I had ever seen," Naruto told him, with an embarrassed smile that never failed to warm Sasuke's heart. "I wanted to hit on you so bad, but when I saw those girls surrounding you I felt… like you were way out of my league, that I'd never have a chance to be with someone like you, and yet, look at what happened to us at the wedding."
At this, Naruto took a small step closer, furthering the obvious intimacy of their closeness as if he were testing the waters around Sasuke, to see if things had changed, to see whether Sasuke would open up like he once had or retreat.
There Naruto was, offering himself and pouring his heart out so bluntly and it was the best feeling Sasuke had ever experienced – he had been willing to accept it all at Karin's wedding, he was even more willing now.
"You speak as if you're some sort of fucked up guy with emotional baggage and self-esteem issues. I don't mind helping you carry that baggage for as long as you need, Sasuke. I'll always help you if you let me. We can't feel unworthy if somehow we're right here, right now, as if it was meant to be."
"Sounds almost romantic," Sasuke mumbled, feeling his throat constrict. He could feel Naruto's breath against his face as they stared firmly into each other's eyes, and there was no challenge there, just silent longing, desire for completion.
"Well, we kind of skipped the important stages of courting, I think," Naruto stated, almost teasingly. "But I am currently single, and I don't mind doing it properly this time if it's with you. So if you want to be with me, just say so. Keep reaching out for what you want, Sasuke, because I will, too."
So that's it, then, Sasuke thought, momentarily lost in those deep pools of surreal blue. We both want this.
Naruto still wanted him and had made it very clear that he would chase after him no matter what. It was a strange concept that Sasuke hadn't ever been able to fully grasp due to his past – that someone would want him without waiting for anything in return.
Was Sasuke allowed to be selfish, just this once?
Inhaling sharply through his nose, Sasuke took a dignifying step back. If they were going to do this, they would do it properly and work through their emotions together.
"I want your number," Sasuke said, extending a hand towards Naruto. "And I would like to take you out for coffee right now if you're not too tired. We'll take it from there and see where it goes."
Blue eyes eyed Sasuke's hand before looking back up at him. He smiled, and it was so genuinely content and that it made his stomach do a funny thing.
With a nod, Naruto grabbed his hand and shook it gently. "I have faith it'll take us far."
The End
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