Chapter 4

Have you ever felt like there is something you are missing, something you forgot, something important that you can't remember?

I walk through the streets of New York City feeling like there is something I really should remember and I'm not able to recall it, there is a blank in my mind and I feel like there is one memory there trying to fight back inside my brain but it never fully reaches the surface.

The feeling is bothering me all day as I do common stuff like grocery shopping and meeting with my friend Ruby for a brunch, but I try to ignore it, convincing myself that it is probably just a good dream I was having and didn't want to forget, but nothing worth spending my credits on, they never are. That is if I had enough credits to spend on memories of course.

My name is Emma Swan but my friends and everyone who knows me around here think otherwise, for them, I am Emma Sparrow, can you blame me for picking up the last name of the most iconic pirate in the history of filmmaking, I think not. Besides, birds are kind of my thing since I was very little I think it has something to do with my mother, but I can't be certain since I never met her, all I have from her are vague memories that sometimes reach the surface almost like forgotten dreams that sometimes leak into reality. Déjà-vu. The circumstances under which I was forced to get off the grid and change my identity are perhaps a story for another day and not a pretty one, but also related to birds.

"So how's the business in the dreamland?", Ruby asks in the middle of our meal.

I know she disapproves of my decision to spend most of my time dreaming and not finding a "real" job in the real world.

"You know I can't possibly know how it is going", I respond rolling my eyes blank.

"Which would be an excellent indication of why you shouldn't be wasting your whole life in there—," she comments and I shrug, knowing this is the conversation we will always inevitably have every time we meet.

"The credits are rolling in", I assure her.

"I'm sure of that Emma, but the thing is—, that I don't get why you would want to spend most of your time in there and then come out here and not remembering a single thing that happened during your day", Ruby says frustrated and I have the weirdest feeling that I'm having this conversation twice in a row. I know Ruby always comes up with this subject when we are together but this time is different, almost like I'm having some kind of déjà-vu, I stay silent trying to understand the weird feeling invading me, "all I'm saying is that there is so much more to life Emma", Ruby continues, when she decides that I'm not going to answer, but when she does my eyes grow wide, and the image of my friend sitting in front of me completely changes, her white skin turns olive and her blue eyes become deep chocolate pools threatening to swallow me whole as she says those exact words Ruby has just said to me.

I know perfectly well what a dream memory looks like. Leaking from my subconscious there is a woman that I know terribly well and at the same time not at all. The reason why I'm seeing her so clear in my mind is still unknown to me, but I'm sure as hell not resting until I find out the answer to that question, not in a million years.

"Ruby I gotta go", I tell her, blinking repeatedly until my memory fades and the startled expression of my friend appears instead.

"What? Why? What did you just remember? Did you leave the oven on again or something ?" She asks confused by my sudden determination to leave so soon.

"Something like that," I reply gathering my stuff from the booth chair I'm sitting at, groceries bags messily squeezed between my arms and my backpack hanging lazily from my shoulder.

"Hey, Emms, you know I can offer you a job at the diner, you just have to ask", she offers before I leave like so many times before.

"I know, Ruby, but I already have a job", I wink in her direction and then start running towards my home.

How the hell could a forget anything related to Regina Mills, and was it really her? Or maybe I just watched some movie trailer in the dreamland and now I'm running like a crazy person towards my disappointment. That's most likely what happened, but she did say my name in that memory and I have to make sure of what was really happening there or I won't forgive myself in million years.

I toss the milk and eggs in the fridge and then dismiss everything else that is not perishable on the counter before I jump in the soft gel surface that is my bed and link myself to the machine.

"Welcome to wonderland" the machine speaks before I lose my consciousness and all I want is for Alice to hurry up and throw me down the rabbit hole that will take me to the dreamland.

If you want to know the real me, meet me here after midnight.

We are leaving, alright?

Shut up Blondie.

Fancy a cuppa?

I swear it, cross my hearts.

Who's eager now?

Will you forget about me?

There is so much more to life Emma.

Promise you'll let me show you the real world, Emma Swan.

It's time to wake up Emma, Wake up and smell the coffee—.

The memories come back to me like an avalanche the moment I step into the dreamland and almost as if I couldn't believe what my mind was telling me was real, I pull my mobile from my hoodie pocket, and there it is the picture of a kiss displayed as the wallpaper of my phone. I do not recall changing the wallpaper, but it's still there hitting me in the face like a giant reminder that sometimes dreams are indeed worth paying for, even when you don't have the spare credits to afford the memories.

I scroll down my contacts quickly, half afraid to find out the name is not in there like I remember it was, but soon enough I find it "Evil Queen", it really suits her I dare to think before I click the dial button and I wait, holding my breath to see if someone replies.

Disappointment becomes despair as hours go by and I don't receive any kind of reply from her and my mobile keeps silent for longer than I can bear.

This is me, Emma Swan, please call me if you come into the dreamland.

I text her that message when I decide I have to focus on other matters while I wait before I lose my mind, only to make sure she knows it's me calling and not some random stranger stalking her, however, I should confess that I might have called her enough times for her to think that I'm a creep when she enters the dreamland and checks her phone, assuming she didn't think that already from our conversations the previous night.

I pop on my rollerblades and decide to go to the Santa Monica beach to skate for a while, hoping the sea and the blue sky will keep my mind busy enough to forget what I'm so desperately waiting to happen. My view fades and the next thing I see is the yellow sand contrasting with the dark asphalt of the promenade I'm rolling on, the sky is the bluest I've seen in a while and the sea looks like a calm navy blue stripe touching the horizon, It is quite beautiful, but it doesn't keep my hand from reaching my phone every once in a while to check if my phone isn't ringing and if there is no reply. I wonder if work will help to keep my mind at bay for a while and so I decide to go somewhere quiet to work for a while.

There is this rounded parking building near the beach I like visiting to practice with the rollerblades, it has a huge spiral ramp in which I had my very first falls when I started skating, but it also has a nice terrace on the top floor that I often use to work. It is nice, quiet and has the most spectacular view. The image in front of me fades rapidly when I decide where I'm going. In less than it takes me blinking once, I'm sitting on the very edge of the building with my laptop on my lap and the rollerskates hanging many feet above the ground.

Sparrow detective agency, my website says on the front page, if they exist then our little birds can find them, all you need is a real name, it displays right after, and then it just shows a bunch of testimonies of people I helped reuniting in the past that wanted to help me grow my business. The inbox has at least ten unread messages of people asking me to take their cases, I open the first one to see if I can help them.

I met this girl in a dancing club the other night, she woke up in the middle of our dance and I haven't been able to find her since then, please help me find her, her name is Ashley Boyd, I never got her number. —Sean Herman.

I hack into the grid, looking for her name in the infinite chain of binary code that information in dreams are made of, if she is not protecting her personal information it shouldn't take me that long to find her, It's relatively easy if you know how to do it and I'm really good at finding people who want to be found. I manage to get her phone number from the grid, so I reply to Sean's message telling him I have the information he wants.

I can communicate with her and see if she wants to see you again, or I can give you her phone number and you can do it yourself but that will cost you one hundred extra credits. I click send and the reply comes faster than it takes me to move to another of my clients, check your account, the messagesays and I don't have to because the credits start rolling in and I see the notification of my new balance on the screen of my mobile that rests on the edge of the wall beside my leg. Attached you will find her personal information, a pleasure doing business with you Sean. I plan to continue with my cases when I hear my phone ringing and my heart skips a beat because the screen lights up and the picture I took the night before of Regina Mills barely covered with a sheet appears in front of me.

"Where are you Emma Swan?", the woman on the other end of the line sounds mad.

"Ern, near Santa Monica's beach," I reply not understanding the reason for Regina's change of mood from last night till now.

"See you at the pier in twenty minutes," she says and the line is cut off.

Okay, it was definitely her and even if she was for some unknown reason pissed at me, I was at least glad that she wanted to see me again.

I start rolling down the spiral ramp, a laptop backpack on my back and a smile on my face.

I decide that the best place to wait for her is near the big sign on the yacht harbor entrance, so I start practicing spinning on my rollerblades while I wait, the two feet spin is one of the tricks that I haven't been able to learn properly, so I try to practice it as much as I can when I'm skating. I see Regina approaching me from a mile away, she stands out in the crowd squeezed in a pair of high-waisted dark jeans and a simple white crop top, she's once again wearing a pair of shades to hide her identity from no one at all, well, at least for me they don't work, but the people in the crowd don't seem to recognize her as she walks beside them.

It's not until I see her checking my legs when she reaches my side, that I remember what I was wearing for skating today, a gray hoodie and the shortest black short that was ever invented. I pull my hoodie as far down my legs as it will go and she smiles wickedly at me.

"Oh, don't worry dear, I've already seen more skin than you are showing right now," she mocks but then her expression changes like she just remembered she was mad at me, and her eyes go cold, "I didn't know you liked skating, Emma Swan—, if that's your real name", She says and I don't understand why would she even say that.

"What do you mean if that's my real name, of course, it is!" I stop to ponder that affirmation for a second, "at least I think it is—," I wouldn't lie to you, I think but these words don't leave my mouth.

"Let's have a ride," she simply says pointing at the Ferris wheel and the next thing I know is that we are sitting on one of the booths and the ride is starting, "There is no one named Emma Swan in any city of the world," she lets out in an exasperated whisper when we have moved far enough from the Ferris wheel operator, "I know, I had my team checking that all morning, so I want you to tell me your real name", she adds and I look at her through sad eyes.

"I don't have a real name to tell you, as far as I know, Emma Swan is my name," I assure her.

"Then what is this?" she asks then, placing a poster on my hand, a poster that she made appear from thin air in front of my eyes, "I found this just hanging from a wall downtown as soon as I stepped into the dreamland today", she says and she sounds hurt. I know the poster, it's how I promote The Sparrow's detective agency, the poster reads, I'm Emma Sparrow, and I can find your loved ones.

"Regina I swear to you that I'm convinced my real name is Emma Swan, Emma Sparrow is just a name I invented for the agency. I can not assure you that Swan is my last name out there, but I swear I am not lying to you right now, not to my knowledge, believe me", her stern look relaxes a bit with my words.

"You won't like this, but I'm gonna do it anyway," she starts, looking in my eyes intently, "I'm gonna transfer enough credits to your agency's account, just enough for you to pay for two pieces of information, my name, and my real phone number, and you will call me from out there, do you hear me? I won't have it any other way", she crosses her arms over her chest and looks away from me for a second to contemplate the view, "I asked you a question, and I want an answer" she says looking back at me with a frown.

"I hear you cristal clear ma'am," I say and she smiles, I wouldn't normally accept anyone's help, not like that and not by force either, but in Regina's eyes, I see that if I don't accept her demands, then she won't see me again and I don't want that. Losing her because of my pride would be unforgivable, "I won't wake up in a few hours though, so why don't you lose the frown and we go have some fun while we wait?"

AN/: God knows this story is all I can think about, please tell me if you are enjoying this as much as I am.