Chapter 9

∆Trigger warning ∆ - This chapter mentions violence and rape.

I wake up to the touch of a warm hand sliding under the hem of my tank top, I smile and open my eyes to see Regina looking down on me while her hand slides between the piece of clothing and my stomach, she smiles at me with that wicked grin of hers that I love and her hand slips further up under my top until the fabric starts to wrinkle up near my throat.

"I've waited to do this for years", she says when her hand reaches my neck and she starts to squeeze lightly. In all honesty, I find it sexy when she straddles my hips and squeezes a little harder.

Her smile turns wider, making her look evil somehow and suddenly the grip around my throat is made of steel and all oxygen stops flowing into my windpipe. I fight against the grip, both my hands clasping to the one around my neck and I pull as if my life depended on it and right now it does. I look at Regina with my eyes nearly popping out of my skull, a man with dark hair and evil eyes looks back at me instead of her. It feels like it's been hours since the last ounce of oxygen reached my lungs but instead of passing out, I wake up.

"Emma! You are having a nightmare, wake up!".

I wake up to the concerned look on Regina's face. I can't find the strength to smile and I remain there taking shallow breaths while the brunette looks at me like I'm suddenly going to drop down dead. Her hands are still grasping my shoulders and I know she had to shake me really hard to wake me because I'm a heavy sleeper and I can still feel the pressure points of her fingertips on my skin. I whip her hands off my shoulders with more strength than is needed still remembering the last seconds of my dream and deeming her hands to be too close to my neck for me to feel comfortable in my groggy state. She doesn't complain.

"You sounded like you were choking Emma, I had to wake you up", she explains, half apologizing and I nod my head.

"Thank you", I simply reply looking away from her. Her eyes, although kind, have the same color as his evil ones.

"Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare, I mean", Regina offers and I see her doubt in front of me, she holds a hand out to caress my cheek but she stops and pulls it back.

"I suppose that I should—", I start, taking her hand by the wrist so that she doesn't pull it away completely and I intertwine my fingers with hers right after, "—since it has to do a lot with that past I'm running from that we are yet to discuss", the look of concern only intensifies in her features and I pull her hand wrapping her arm around my waist and forcing her to lay down again by doing so. Regina rests her cheek against my shoulder and I wrap my free arm around her, "I was dreaming of you, it felt almost real as if I was awake, and you had just woke me up by sliding your hand under my shirt, the room looked exactly like this or how I remembered it anyway. Your hand moved to my neck and you squeezed very lightly and it was kind of sexy, but then all of a sudden it wasn't you holding my throat it was this man and he was choking me, squeezing so tight I feared my windpipe would give in and break but when I thought I was going to pass out, you woke me up for real".

"Oh—", she exclaims surprised, and squeezes my hand still intertwined with hers, "Is this man someone from your past? Or is the situation what's related to it?", she asks me lowly, and I can hear how her heavy breathing fills up the quiet room after she drops the question.

"Both I guess", I let out, drawing random shapes against the fabric of her silk pajama with my fingers where my hand meets her shoulder, "I suppose I never mentioned that I'm an orphan when we were in the dreamland, did I?", Regina shakes her head against my shoulder, "well, I am, my parents gave me up when I was a newborn, abandoned me would be more precise, on the side of a road—".

"Who does that?", Regina asks, her voice is barely a whisper.

"Who does that indeed—?" I reply with a husky voice and continue talking, "I lived my childhood from foster home to foster home, that if I was lucky enough to land any foster parents, never a real family. The homes were always shitholes really, and the parents, people who saw me as their paycheck and nothing else. I think I was born in California, or at least I was found there, so that's why I keep visiting L.A. in Wonderland, probably because I lived there for as long as I can remember and it was there that I lived my best years in the Foster Care system and the worse too. When I was around thirteen I met another orphan in one of my foster homes, her name was Lily she was like a sister to me, we became inseparable and a little reckless too, we used to shoplift together and sometimes we would trespass into rich people mansions when they were out for holidays. By that time I had already watched the first of your movies and was already obsessing a little over you. I even had plans to find your house and trespass like a little stalker shitty fan", I confess and Regina laughs.

"Did you ever—?", the brunette queries.

"I didn't know where you lived at the time and besides we got caught before I could find out. When we were fourteen Lily and me were thrown from that foster home because the parents thought we were too much to handle, so we went back into the system and we made it hard on our social workers to find us another home because we refused to be separated and we were always running away to meet one another. In the end, they put us in the same home, we were sixteen at the time. If the other homes were shitholes that one was hell itself, but at least we got to be together in hell", Regina squeezes my hand again but remains silent just listening, "Our foster parent there was a grumpy middle-aged man called Harold, things were not perfect but we managed pretty well, being together was the key, until one night about four months after we arrived in that place, I woke up in the middle of the night and heard some men talking downstairs. I sneaked down to have a look, Lily was still sleeping. There was a man with shoulder-length brown hair and a fancy suit, he walked leaning on a golden cane and he was talking with Harold, he handed an envelope to him, for the look of it, it was a big amount of credits, I couldn't make out their conversation, they were simply talking about some birds that Harold was selling him and it was ridiculous since Harold had a big hatred towards animals in the house, so I didn't understand at first. I could only see the stranger's back until they finished their conversation, but then he turned around and looked directly at me and he said my name in a way that still makes my skin crawl when I remember, he walked towards me and grabbed my upper arm, holding me in place. I noticed his golden cane had a raven in the handle and he ordered Harold to bring the other bird, I knew from his eyes that he meant Lily and then I understood, Harold was not selling birds to this man, he was selling us to become his little birds."

"Mr. Gold", Regina whispers against the skin of my shoulder, "You were one of his birds?", she asks then, sitting up in bed and pulling my hand with hers, so suddenly after all the information sank in her brain and she realizes what it means. All I see is rage in her face and I'm not completely sure if it is directed at me or the situation.

"How do you know about Mr. Gold?", I ask her then, because I don't understand how a person like Regina Mills would know about something so dark and disgusting as Mr. Gold's world and business.

"Gold is a very influent man in Hollywood, his turbulent business makes him powerful, you see, many people in the industry have sick tendencies and since he provides little birds for these bastards, they basically worship him. But you must know all about that, I'm so sorry Emma", Regina apologizes, her face becomes sad and she lays back down in bed this time resting her face over my chest and she hugs me.

"I don't understand, if all of you people in the industry know about him and what he does, why has nobody exposed him to the press or the police? All of you are influent enough to make a change, to close down his sick business once and for all, aren't you?", I feel my voice shattering and Regina's hug strengthening.

"It is more complicated than that Emma, many have tried to expose this, but it is not only Mr. Gold's there are many places like that, if you do try to expose this, you are lucky if you walk out of there just burnt, with your career completely destroyed, or confined to a mental institution. However, the problem remains the same, but at least you are alive. They are like hydras, you cut one head off and other three sprout from the corpse. Although, If you are not on the lucky side, let's just say—, many celebrities suddenly die from an overdose in their homes while completely alone, the corpses are piling up year after year, don't you find it strange that all of them die from an overdose? Like we are nothing but crack hole addicts playing the role of artists, actresses, and actors, or even musicians? Well maybe some of them kind of are indeed addicts, but hardly anyone I know is careless like that with the doses. They were just silenced before they could talk", Regina explains, the rage resonating in her voice as she talks and for a moment I remember her best friend that years ago made it to the front page of every paper and magazine, she had an overdose after one of her concerts and passed away because the ambulance didn't get to her hotel in time, Regina seemed devastated when they asked about her friend in the interviews, but she never answered more than two questions about the subject.

"Was that what happened to Kathryn?", I ask and I don't recognize my voice from how hoarse it sounds. Regina nods against my chest and this time is me who strengthens the embrace.

"I'm so sorry Emma, I'm sorry this happened to you and Lily—", she stops for a moment, and almost as if she feared the question she then asks, "what happened to Lily, where is she?", I ignore her question for a moment and continue telling her my story.

"We were taken from Harold's home and we fought, we fought so hard that they had to sedate us, that's probably a kind word for it, they drugged us and we woke up in a pitch-black room, there was where we found out what our future held. He took turns on us all night and we were still under the influence of whatever they gave us so we couldn't fight, it all felt like the dream of a dream like I had zoned out of my own life and body".

"Mr. Gold?", Regina asks carefully.

"Neal, his son—, we were a present to him, like a pair of puppies you give your child for his birthday. He owned us. We spent probably a week in that dark room the only constant visits we received were from Neal and Mr. Gold's pet Lacey Nightingale who brought clean clothes and food for us, Nightingale was her stage name, we didn't know at this time what meant to be one of Gold's birds, but soon we learned we had to perform in his club, Neal was very possessive so for that week we didn't do more than wait for our fate holding hands or hugging in the darkness, Lily cried so much in the start, but I felt that I couldn't cry I had to be strong for both of us so I didn't, nor once, not until the day I finally left that place", I tell her and Regina nods against my chest, I feel tears dripping down my cheeks and also tears wetting my tank top where Regina's head rests, "We danced, performing in front of Gold's clients like some pretty caged birds, I was his Swan and Lily was his Sparrow. Neal let us dance because he loved denying every one of Gold's clients the pleasure to take us home. We were only his, I now realize we were lucky that he was so possessive, the other girls had no such luck and they constantly bounced between the clients. For me those people were nothing else than blurry faces in the crowd, "I stop for a moment just enjoying the silence of the room and Regina's embrace, "We tried to escape so many times, and after all our escape attempts Neal punished us. In the end, it was Lacey who helped us escape, she had grown to love us in the time that we were there as a mother, I think and so she let us go, but Lily was shot that day, I remember that she fell to the ground beside me, blood spreading through the floor so quickly and she asked me to run, so I did, I run for the both of us, I run for what felt like hours until my muscles felt like clay and my blood like acid, when I finally stopped I cried, for the first time in years I cried. I cried because Lily wasn't with me and because I feared she was dead and I would never see her again".

"Did you ever find out what happened with her?", Regina's voice is broken when she asks me this.

"I went back days later, I followed Lacey when she went out to buy food for the week, she confirmed Lily was dead and gave me money to go far away, she asked me to never return, I run out of money when I got to New York, Ruby and her granny were kind enough to help me and gave me somewhere to stay while I got back on my feet, they are the only ones that know what I went through apart from you", I explain to Regina.

"Emma, the world is sick and you got caught up in its sickness, for that I'm terribly sorry", she says after a long silence, when she realizes I have nothing left to say, she sits up again and looks me in the eye. I see guilt in her watery eyes as she leans in to kiss my lips, "thanks for sharing all this with me, I know it must be difficult for you to talk about it".

"I wanted to. I wanted you to know me for who I am, are you ready to run away?".

"Not a chance!".

NA/: Okay guys, this chapter was so difficult to write, you have not the faintest idea. I doubted every line because everything in this chapter had an effect on the future of the story, I think I'm happy with the result though and doubt any of you guessed the real reason why Emma is hiding, hope you find this entertaining or whatever. Sad maybe?