A/N: Please note there is discussion of miscarriage/infant loss in this story beginning in this chapter. Also this website makes it excessively difficult to add breaks within chapters so basically the format of this story is when it says 'Ben was 'age'', that's the start of a new section.

Ben was fourteen months old the first time he used the Force. He was on the Falcon 'helping' Han repair a fault in the engine. Ben hadn't meant to do anything. He'd been angry because, after telling him 'no' no less than twenty-three times, Han had finally put him in a makeshift playpen so he'd stop grabbing the tools he was trying to use and whacking things with them.

The small boy kicked and screamed and whacked at Han with his tiny fists as Han pulled some chairs, shelving, and random pieces of equipment together to make a pen to keep Ben out of the way. He placed him inside and Ben screeched. "No!" He shouted, pushing at the storage unit in front of him with his hands, his face reddening when he couldn't move it.

Han had just turned back to the circuitry he was working on when that same storage unit came shooting past him and crashed into the opposite wall, taking out the wall panel and bursting a pipe, sending steam shooting around the hold. He spun around to look at his son, who was staring at his little hands.

"Oh," the boy said quietly, looking up at Han.

"We need to talk to your uncle."

Ben was eighteen months old when he became inseparable from his Uncle Chewie.

Leia first noticed it when one weekend morning she realised she'd finished her caf, showered, dressed, done her hair, and read through seven reports without being interrupted by her toddler. With a start she slammed her datapad down on her desk and hurried into the nursery. His cot was empty, and his favourite stuffed toy was missing, so her next stop was their bedroom. Again, their bed was empty, other than Han who was still obliviously snoring away.

"Han," she said loudly, as she went into the adjoining 'fresher to look for the toddler.

Han grunted and rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head.

"Han," she repeated, swatting him with one hand. "I can't find Ben. Did you get him up already?"

He sat up at that, bleary-eyed and dazed. "Ben?" he repeated.

"Yes. Ben. Your son. Did you get him up?"

Han shook his head. "No. I've been tryin' to sleep. Where've you looked?"

"Here and the nursery, and he's not out in the living room because I was just out there," she said despairingly.

"Alright, we'll he can't have gotten far, he can't use the palm-pad on the front door," Han said, climbing out of bed and giving her shoulder a squeeze. "Did you check in Chewie's room?"

She shook her head. "Chewie's still asleep."

Han shrugged, moving past her and looking around the living room and kitchen before going to Chewie's door and carefully pushing it open. There, in the hammock they had set up for him, lay Chewie, sleeping deeply, with a snore that put Han's to shame. And curled up on his chest was Ben, a hand fisted in Chewie's fur, his stuffie clutched under his arm.

"Found 'im."

"I hap," Ben said loudly, clambering over a pile of tools and spare parts towards Chewie, the Wookiee's head just visible over the top of the maintenance pit. "I hap," he said again, grabbing a tool from the floor and waving it at Chewie. "Tewie," he said, waving it some more.

Chewie growled in thanks and took the tool from him, stowing it in his toolbelt.

Ben sat down on the edge of the pit, swinging his little legs and watching Chewie work. He only managed to stay quiet for a few moments, before launching into an anecdote primarily made up of babbling, but with occasionally recognisable words in Basic or Shyriiwook. Chewie nodded seriously, listening carefully while he tinkered, and offering quiet responses where appropriate.

When he'd finished his story, Ben sat quietly, grabbing a hydrospanner from the floor and fiddling absently with it, staring at Chewie. The Wookiee looked up at him, his gentle gaze taking in the child's face, and couldn't help but think how much he was just a tiny little version of Han with pieces of Leia sprinkled in.

When Han had told him Leia was having a baby, he hadn't been surprised. He hadn't even been concerned, although everybody else seemed to be. Contrary to his family, his upbringing - or lack thereof - and his lifestyle, Han was never one to back out of a responsibility. And he was so completely enraptured with his new wife, and their new life, and now their tiny little son, that there was never a doubt in Chewbacca's mind that he would be there, unconditionally, for the boy.

While Chewie was lost in thought about his father, Ben decided it would be helpful if he clambered down into the pit to join him, hydrospanner still clasped in his hand. As he climbed down, his foot slipped, and he would have fallen if not for a large, furry arm catching him around the middle and pulling him close.

"Oof," Ben said, relaxing in Chewie's arms. "Tewie got me."

Ben had just turned two when he started to have nightmares. The first time it happened, Leia woke up moments before him, rubbing her eyes and sitting up, listening for what had woken her. Seconds later, Ben started screaming in distress from the next room, his cries waking Han up as well. Han rushed out of bed and grabbed his blaster from the nightstand. "Stay here," he said quickly, running into Ben's room, not knowing what he might find. Against his orders, but not unexpectedly, Leia was right behind him.

The tiny boy was curled up in his crib, crying. He looked up as the door slid open, and stood up, holding his arms in the air. "Daddy!"

Han breathed a sigh of relief and put his blaster down, hurrying over to the cot and pulling Ben into his arms. "What's wrong, big guy? I thought you musta been hurt," he said softly, gently rocking him as Leia came to his side and pushed Ben's sweaty hair back from his face.

Ben took a few gasping breaths, clinging to his father. "Baddie," he said softly, rubbing his eyes.

Han frowned and looked around the room again. "Where?"

"Wight here," Ben said, closing his eyes and carefully patting his eyelids. Han looked puzzled.

"You mean when you were asleep? You saw baddies when you were asleep?" Leia asked, kissing his cheek.

"Uh-huh," Ben whimpered, pressing his face into Han's chest.

Han sighed and held him a little tighter. "I'm sorry, kid. Let's go sleep in our big bed, huh?"

Ben nodded, a handful of Han's shirt still tight in his fist. Han grabbed his blaster and together they went back to their bedroom. He carefully put his blaster away and handed Ben to Leia, who cradled him in her arms. "You're safe here, baby boy. We're right here," she said, climbing into bed with him. Han followed, pulling the covers up over them all as he lay on Ben's other side.

In a few minutes, Ben had stopped crying, but wasn't showing any signs of going back to sleep, fiddling with Leia's braid and humming softly.

"Ben," Leia said softly. "What did the baddies do? Did they hurt you?"

He thought for a moment, scrunching his little face up. "No," he finally said. "Um… Scare me."

"I'm sorry they scared you, love," Leia sighed, kissing his forehead. "You don't need to be scared."

"Yeah," Ben said. "Daddy keep me safe."

Leia smiled and nodded as Han beamed and kissed the top of Ben's head. "Your Daddy will always keep you safe," Leia told the tiny boy. "And so will I."

"Uh-huh," Ben said. "And Unka Chewie and Unka Luke."

"You'll always be safe," she said, holding him closer, wishing it was true.

Ben was two and a half when Leia found out she was pregnant again. They were overjoyed at the idea of having another little being around to love on. Until one night about six weeks later when Han wandered in late, covered from head to toe in engine grease and general grime, his hair completely askew but a crooked smile gracing his face. He tiptoed down the hallway in search of his wife and sagged when he found her. Leia was curled up on their bed in one of Han's old shirts, outrageously oversized on her. Her eyes were closed, her cheeks red and puffy.

"Sweetheart," Han said softly, making his way over to her and sitting on the edge of the bed. "What is it?" He asked, gently pushing her hair away from her face.

Leia rubbed her eyes and sat up, reaching for his hands and holding them in her own. "I lost the baby, Han. I'm so sorry," she said, starting to cry again.

He frowned and pulled her into his lap, holding her tightly. "You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said quietly, rubbing her back. "Does it hurt?"

She shrugged and burrowed her face into his chest. "I'm okay."

Han held her for what simultaneously felt like seconds and hours. Eventually, she pulled away from him slightly and wrinkled her nose.

"You smell like the Falcon. And you're filthy," she said as she looked him over.

Han smiled weakly. "I've been in the pit all day."

Leia sighed and rubbed absently at a smudge of grease on his cheek. "I was about to suggest we tell Ben," she said quietly, still rubbing at the mark.

"Well it's good we didn't," Han said. "We should tell him you're sick though. You know what he's like. He'll do that Force thing and know you're not okay."

She nodded, closing her eyes for a moment. Ben felt so much. He experienced things so deeply that it frightened her.

"Mama?" A tiny voice sounded from the doorway. Ben's head, surrounded by a halo of wild, dark hair was silhouetted against the low light from the hall.

"Hi, baby," Leia gingerly climbed from Han's lap and moved to pick Ben up, wincing a little as she did.

"Mama sad?" He asked quietly, pulling away from her tight hold so he could look at her face.

"I'm okay, sweetheart. What woke you up?"

"Um… Mama sad," he explained, reaching out and gently tracing her face with his tiny fingers. "Why?"

Leia kissed his cheek. "I'm just not feeling too good, honey. You don't need to worry."

"You wanna sleep in our bed tonight, big guy?" Han asked. Leia spun to face him. Han hated Ben sleeping in their bed. He put up with it when Ben had nightmares or was sick. But the little boy took up a frankly shocking amount of space, and thrashed his arms and legs around even if he wasn't dreaming. He'd given Han three black eyes in the last year.

Ben nodded eagerly. "Have to get Blankie," he said, wriggling until Leia set him back on the ground so he could run back to his room for it.

"That okay?" Han asked quietly as Leia climbed into bed.

She gave him a watery smile. "It's exactly what I need, I think."

Ben was about to turn three when he first used the Force on purpose.

He had a lot of tantrums. Han and Leia decided that since they were both still fairly prone to temper tantrums themselves, this was only to be expected. Occasionally, while he was kicking and screaming about HoloNet programmes he wanted to watch, or toys he wanted to play with, or things he did or didn't want to eat, he would accidentally levitate something violently across the room, or summon things to himself that he'd been told he wasn't allowed, or, once, he accidentally exploded a bowl of food Leia had been about to give him.

They took comfort in Ben being surprised every time he did this, that at least he wasn't purposely lashing out.

And the first time he did it on purpose, he hadn't even been angry or afraid. He'd been bored, and he'd been stuck in his highchair while his parents argued about something he couldn't understand. So he'd stretched a small hand out towards the toy X-Wing fighter that lay on the floor. He concentrated on the toy, and it zoomed into his waiting hand. Han and Leia both turned around to stare at him. "How'd you get that?" Han asked, and Ben grinned.

"I get it like this," he said, stretching his hand out again to a toy speeder sitting on the table. It too, flew into his hand and he giggled, kicking his feet happily.

Ben was three years old when he learned about scars.

"Daddy, what's that?" He asked loudly in the middle of the night on one of the many occasions his nightmares had brought him to his parents' bed. He prodded Han's chin as his father grunted.

"Go to sleep, Ben," Han yawned, pulling him closer.

"But what is on your face?" He asked, peering at Han's scar in the moonlight streaming through the window.

"It's always been there, Ben," Han said quietly as Leia stirred and curled closer to them both, opening her eyes a little. "It's a scar."

"What's a… s-scar?" Ben asked, tripping slightly over the 's' sound. He carefully traced the ragged line with one finger.

Han sighed. "It's from… Gettin' hurt a long time ago. When it healed it made that scar," he explained, and Ben pulled his tiny hand away as if he'd been burned.

"I hurt you, Daddy?"

"No, kid," Han chuckled, taking Ben's hand in his own and bringing it back to his face. "Feel all you like, it doesn't hurt anymore."

Leia smiled softly as she watched Ben explore his father's scar. "What hurt was it?" He eventually asked.

"It was a cut," Han said simply, hoping that would satisfy him.

It didn't.

"What cut you?"

"Ah…" Han said, looking over at Leia for help.

"It's just a cut Daddy got from a bad guy," she said.

Ben sat up excitedly. "Empire bad guys?" He asked.

Han chuckled and shook his head, pulling Ben back down and holding him close.

"Nah. Different bad guy. From before I met your Ma."

Ben wriggled and rolled over to face Leia. "Do you have a scar, Mama?"

Leia kissed his cheek. "I have some. They're from the Empire baddies. Daddy has some from them too."

The small boy went quiet, looking between his parents. "I want one on my face too," he decided. "Just like Daddy." And with that, he curled up against Han and fell asleep.

"I hope you don't ever get a single scar, little man," Han said softly, pulling Ben as close as he could.

Leia smiled fondly at them, reaching over to fiddle with Han's hair. "He certainly won't be getting any from his Daddy," she said softly.

Han sighed and rubbed at his chin distractedly. "I don't want him to know," he said softly.

"That your father…"

"Cut my face open throwing me into a table when I was five? Yeah," Han said gruffly. "He doesn't need to know. It'll just make him scared of me."

Leia sighed. "He couldn't ever be scared of you, Han. But we don't have to tell him if you don't want to. Same as Vader."

Han shrugged. "I don't think we'll be able to keep it from him forever, sweetheart."

"Well as long as we can, then."

Ben was three and a half when he first had a nightmare about his father.

Han had been called to the Western Reaches for a theoretically straightforward mission with the New Republic Special Operations Team. It was not a surprise mission, and they'd been preparing themselves - and Ben - for his departure for weeks. It didn't seem to have made much difference.

"Ben, say bye-bye to Daddy, he's leaving right now."

"No!" Ben huffed, pressing his face into her shoulder and refusing to look up at Han.

"Kid, I'm going even if you don't say bye to me," Han said gently, reaching out to run his hand through Ben's hair.

"No!" Ben said again, still not moving.

"Well alright. I'll see you next week," Han said, kissing the top of his head and pulling Leia close. "I'll miss you."

"Be careful," she whispered, standing on her toes to kiss him.

"Love you," he smiled, kissing her one last time before trying to land a kiss on Ben's cheek.

"I know. We'll see you soon," Leia smiled as Ben continued huffing.

Han nodded, reluctantly pulling away from them and starting up the Falcon's boarding ramp.

He was halfway down the hallway, the ramp nearly completely closed, when Ben suddenly yelled, "Wait! Daddy! I say bye-bye!" He wriggled violently in Leia's arms as Han lowered the ramp again, standing at the top with his hands on his hips and a smirk on his face.

Leia put Ben on the ground and he ran up the ramp, his arms outstretched. Han scooped him up and held him close. "Bye-bye, Daddy," Ben whispered, pressing his face into the crook of Han's neck.

"Bye, Ben. I love you."

"Love you, Daddy. Be careful," he said seriously, lifting his head up and wetly kissing Han's chin.

"See you next week, kid," Han said, putting him back on the ground.

Ben woke in the middle of the night, screaming and crying, but unable to get out of bed, pinned to the mattress by his terror. Leia rushed in and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him into her arms and rocking him.

"My love, it's alright. You're safe," she whispered to him, stroking his dark hair back from his face.

"Daddy's not," Ben said through his tears, trying to pull from her grasp. "Where's Daddy?"

"He's away, Ben. Remember? He's working. I'm sure he's fine. You just had a bad dream."

"No!" Ben shouted. "A bad man got him," he sobbed, clinging to her. "He had a mask, Mama. And a… a… lightsaber. A red one. And he hurt Daddy and Daddy fell!"

Leia frowned and held him tighter. She closed her eyes and searched her feelings. She'd had no indication that Han wasn't alright. She was sure she would have felt it. She always did. Any time he was injured or captured on a mission, she felt straight away that something was wrong. "Ben, close your eyes," she said softly. He did what he was told, clamping his eyes shut and sniffling. "Can you concentrate on your Daddy? Reach out to him, see if you can find him."

Ben frowned in concentration, looking so like his father. Eventually, his small body relaxed and he opened his eyes. "Daddy's okay," he told her. "He's just working."

Leia kissed his forehead. "I know. Why don't we send Daddy a message, and when he has time, he can send us one back?" She suggested, standing up with Ben in her arms and moving to the living room.

She booted up her communicator and started a holo recording, turning Ben around on her lap so Han would be able to see him. "Hi Han," she said, giving the recorder a small wave. "Say hi, baby," she whispered to Ben.

"Hi, Daddy," Ben whimpered, holding onto her.

"Ben had a bad dream about you, and he wants to know you're okay. Can you send us a message when you're free?"

Ben started crying again, remembering the horror of his dream and Leia turned the recorder off, quickly sending the message to the Falcon. She turned Ben back around in her lap so she could hold him as tightly as possible, and stood up with him, pacing their apartments and singing softly. Eventually, Ben fell asleep on her, and she made her way back to the master bedroom, climbing into bed and holding her son close as she fell asleep.

The following evening, Leia tucked Ben into bed and sang softly to him in the hopes that he'd sleep peacefully, although they hadn't yet received a response from Han. As she kissed their boy's forehead, she heard their front door slide open.

Ben grinned. "It's Daddy!" He yelled, all tiredness forgotten as he clambered out of bed and pushed past Leia, pelting down the hallway before she could catch him. Leia panicked for a second, unsure of who had come in, but relaxed when she heard Han laugh and Ben giggle in return.

She made her way into the hallway and smiled as Han swept Ben up into his arms and held him close. "You're back early," she said softly. "I wasn't expecting you until the end of the week."

Han shrugged. "We were pretty much done. It sounded like someone needed me here more."