Ben was four when he first learned a little of his father's past.
"Daddy," he said loudly, stomping over the Falcon's deck plates and holding out a datapad. "Could you please read me the one about Uncle Luke?"
Han looked up from the navicomputer he was fiddling with. "Ah… Your Ma's a lot better at stories, kid."
Ben frowned at him. "You never read me stories, Dad."
"Well I…" Han sighed and clenched his jaw, getting up from his seat and nodding towards his cabin. "Let's get comfy then. This story's long."
Ben grinned, clutching the datapad to his chest as he led the way to the Captain's cabin and climbed onto the bunk, tucking himself under the blankets. Han laughed and pulled his boots off before joining him. Ben handed the datapad to him and snuggled into his side, his thumb slipping into his mouth.
Han looked at the story chip Ben had open on the datapad and sighed. "You sure this is the one you want?"
Ben nodded eagerly. "It's about Uncle Luke when he destroyed the first Death Star, Dad."
"Okay, well… I can't read it as fast as your Ma, okay?"
"I don't care, Daddy. I just want the story," Ben said stubbornly, looking up at him. "Don't be worried, Dad."
Han clenched his jaw and nodded, clearing his throat and starting to read. Ben bit his lip, reaching for Han's free hand and giving it a squeeze. Han slowly made his way through the story chip, knowing the speed must be disrupting Ben's enjoyment of it, and when he looked down at the small boy, found him gazing up at him with a small frown. "I'm sorry, kid. I… It's hard for me. Why don't we get Ma to read it to you later?"
Ben shook his head, still frowning. "Daddy are you scared of this story?" he asked softly, still holding Han's hand.
Han frowned a little. "No, I… It's a nice story."
"But you are scared, Dad. And you're not normally scared of nothin'. Not even bad guys."
Han let that slide for the moment. "I'm not scared. I get a bit nervous reading stuff. That's all."
Ben pulled a face. "Why?"
Han shrugged. "I'm just not very good at reading. I'm real slow. I only learned when I was a grownup. And I get worried it's too hard for you to listen to the story when I have trouble with so many of the words."
Ben snuggled closer to him, his frown creasing his forehead. "Why didn't you learn at school? Mama said when I go to big school after I turn five, I'll learn to read."
"You will," Han said, rubbing a finger over Ben's forehead. "Don't frown like that, you'll get wrinkles like me."
Ben swatted his hand away with a giggle. "So why didn't you?"
Han shrugged. "I didn't really go to school, kid. So I didn't get to learn."
"But… What did you do when you turned five?" he asked, sitting up a little, more interested suddenly in this story than the one they'd been reading.
"I…" Han sighed. "Ben, you gotta understand, I grew up somewhere real real different from here. It wasn't… Your Ma has such a good job, and she's so good at it, and I work too, so… We don't have to worry about money. But… My Dad lost his job when I was about your age and my Ma was sick. So we didn't have much money. I worked when I was five," he tried to explain it casually, offhandedly, so as not to freak Ben out, but the small boy still frowned deeply, pressing himself into Han's side.
"What work did you do?" he asked softly. "Was it hard?"
Han nodded. "Sometimes, yeah. I ah… It wasn't good work, Ben. It was… I didn't have much of a choice. I was hungry and my Ma needed medicine. So I… I stole things from people sometimes. And I worked for some bad people."
"Why, um… Why didn't your Daddy get a new job?"
Han shrugged. "It was a bit tricky with my Dad. He… He never really wanted to be my Dad. And he was real sad about my Ma bein' so sick because he loved her. So he didn't… I worked instead."
Ben thought hard for a few moments. "Where is your Daddy now?"
"I don't know, kid. After my Ma… My Ma died 'cause we couldn't get her the right medicine, and then my Dad decided he didn't want to be my Dad anymore so I went to live somewhere else. But listen to me, Ben," he said seriously, tilting Ben's chin up so he'd look at him. "All I want in the galaxy is to be your Dad, okay? Nothing will ever change that, do you understand?"
Ben bit his lip. "What if I do bad things?" He whispered.
"Even then," Han said softly, "I still wanna be your Dad."
Ben was four and a half when his parents stopped trying to have another baby. Leia had fallen pregnant with Ben so easily, they'd always expected to have at least one more. But after three years of trying and as many miscarriages, neither of them could handle any more grief.
Leia had been down to medical without telling Han, and when they transmitted a positive pregnancy result to her work comms, she almost kept it to herself. This would be her fourth pregnancy since having Ben and her second this year. In a way, deep down, she was afraid that if she shared this with anyone, she might lose it like the others.
She sat behind her desk and placed a careful hand on her abdomen. Right now, she knew for sure that a tiny little Solo grew there - viable - her test result said.
Leia worked the rest of the day, albeit a little distractedly, and left early so she could catch her little family at the shipyards before they clocked off as well. Ben spent most of his time at the docks these days - it was difficult to occupy him in her offices where he spent most of his time making messes and loud noises. Neither of those things really mattered when he did them on the Falcon. He was waiting just outside the hangar when she arrived, bouncing on the balls of his feet, watching for her.
"I knew it!" He shouted when he saw her. "I knew you were coming and Daddy didn't believe me!"
Leia beamed and pulled him into a hug. "Hi, honey. Did you help Dad today?"
"Uh-huh," Ben said seriously, taking her hand and leading her over to the Falcon. The Old Girl was in a bad way after Han's mission the week before. "We fixed the hyperdrive. It was broken again. But Daddy knew what to do," he said as they climbed the ramp.
"Hey!" Han smiled, popping up from a maintenance pit. "You finish early?" He asked, frowning slightly.
Leia nodded and opened her mouth to make up an excuse, but Ben beat her to it. "You don't need to worry, Dad. She's happy," he explained before rushing off to the cockpit to badger Chewie.
"That's nice," Han said absently, disappearing back into the pit. If Ben was a little too quick on the uptake for Leia's liking, Han always made up for it with his complete obliviousness.
Leia sat on the metal grating beside the pit, listening out for Ben and, when she heard him chattering loudly at Chewie in an amusing mix of Basic, Corellian and Shyriiwook, tapped Han on the shoulder. "Hey."
"Hi," Han said, smiling up at her. "You okay?"
She nodded, suddenly overwhelmed with affection for him, and gently cupped his cheek. "I love you."
Han nodded. "I know. Is something up?"
Leia listened again for just a second, double-checking Ben was occupied before whispering, "I'm pregnant."
Han blinked at her for a moment before his face broke out in a grin. "Really?"
She nodded. "I only found out this morning. It's been six weeks."
He reached up with a grimy hand and pulled her a little closer so he could kiss her. "I have a really good feeling about this," he said softly.
"Me too," Leia said, squeezing his hand.
"But for Ben's sake, let's pretend that I just told you we can finally take the Falcon for a spin since I've fixed the fuel processor."
"Have you?" She asked with a smirk, eyeing the multitude of discarded tools and spare parts that currently littered the hold.
"No," Han said slowly. "But I am going to." He ducked back into the pit and kept working just as Ben hurried back down the corridor.
"Mama, is it something special?" He asked, leaping into Leia's arms. "Is that why you're early?"
Leia laughed and held him close, nuzzling his dark hair. "Nothing special, love. I just missed my boys. Did you have a nap today?" She asked gently, pulling away slightly so she could look at his face.
He didn't seem as tired as she'd expected. The small boy had been up every night for a week with night terrors, and spent most of his days wandering around looking dazed, with dark circles under his eyes. Han had spent the entirety of last night pacing the apartment with Ben bundled up in his arms crying and clinging to him.
"Yep," Ben said cheerfully. "In the Captain's cabin. And I had no dreams at all."
"I'm glad," Leia smiled, kissing his cheek. "Did Daddy have a nap?"
"Nuh-uh. Even though Chewie told him to a lot of times."
"I'm not tired," Han called from the bottom of the pit.
"I find that hard to believe," Leia sighed as Ben climbed down to offer him help.
"Hey, we should go to Cloudshape Falls for dinner," Han said, wincing as he burned himself on something and lifted Ben out of the pit so it didn't happen to him as well. "It's overheating, kid, stay there," he said before bashing a pipe with a hydrospanner.
"Oooh can we, Ma? Please?" Ben begged, completely unconcerned about his father who in the meantime had burned himself twice more.
"Do you need some help there, hotshot?" Leia asked, not looking the least bit worried either.
Han grunted, bashed at the pipes some more, then climbed out. "'M fine. Thanks," he grumbled, sucking on his finger.
"Honey, go and ask Uncle Chewie if he wants to come to dinner," Leia said to Ben, ruffling his hair as he ran off. "And you, come and get some bacta on those burns," she ordered, standing up and offering Han her hand.
He took it with his uninjured hand, pulling himself up and heading over to the medcot. He grabbed a first-aid kit and handed it to Leia, hopping up onto the cot and presenting his hand for her inspection.
"You should wear gloves," Leia said, although she wasn't entirely sure why she still bothered after all this time.
"Mmm," Han grunted, wincing as she slathered bacta over the small wounds.
"So you're craving Alderaanian food?" Leia asked, gently fastening a bandage around his hand.
Han shrugged. "I think it's more about what you're craving right now."
Leia smiled and kissed his hand. "I'd love some Home food," she said before suddenly pressing her face into his chest. Han quickly wrapped his arms around her and held her tight to him. "I just wish I could tell Mama," she whispered, her voice shaking.
"I'm sorry," Han said softly, kissing the top of her head.
"I'll be okay, just hold me for a second," she said, trying to get a grip on herself. Han nodded, keeping a firm hold on her until she pulled away, straightening her dress and clearing her throat. "Let's go then."
They had absolutely every intention of waiting to tell Ben, at least until she was three months in. Until one miserable weekend afternoon when Han was in the kitchen desperately making tea while Leia sat on their bathroom floor, being sick at intervals too short for her to bother getting up and moving. Ben came up behind him quietly and tugged at the bottom of Han's vest.
"Daddy? Is Mommy sick because of the baby?"
Han nearly dropped the tea. He steadied himself and set it on the counter, kneeling in front of Ben so he could look him in the eye. "What do you mean?"
Ben frowned. "Um… Is Mommy sick because there's a baby in her tummy?"
"How do you know there's a baby?" Han asked, trying to stay calm.
"I can feel it," he said quietly.
Han sighed and nodded. "You're right. That's why Mama's sick."
"How long will it be for?" He asked, chewing on his lower lip.
"Not long, kid. It's gonna be okay," Han said with a smile, ruffling his hair and standing up again.
"But Daddy…" Ben said slowly. "If Mama has another baby… Where will I live?"
"What?"
"Um… Where will I live when you get a new baby?"
"You'll… kid you'll live with all of us. We're a family. We want to have a new baby so you can be a big brother and have someone else to play with."
Ben thought about that, fiddling with his hands. "So… It's not 'cause I'm bad?"
Han frowned deeply. "You're not bad, Ben. We'll always love you. You'll always be our boy. Okay?"
Ben bit his lip. "The voice says I'm bad," he whispered.
Han blinked at him. This was far too much for him to handle on his own. "What voice?" He asked, picking Ben up and holding him close.
"His name is um… Smoke, I think. He says I'm bad and you and Mommy are scared of me. You're gonna send me away."
"Hey. No," Han said firmly. "That is not going to happen. You are mine. Mine and Mom's and we'll never leave you, okay?"
Ben bit his lip hard. "But I've seen it, Daddy."
"Seen what?"
"You and Ma going away in the Falcon and leaving me."
Han sighed and sat down on the kitchen floor, arranging Ben comfortably in his lap and running his fingers through his hair. "Ben, you know I don't really get any of this… Jedi stuff. But I can tell you that all I want in the galaxy is to be with you and your Ma. And your little baby brother or sister too, I guess. We love you, Ben. We want you right here. You hear me?"
Ben nodded, pressing his face into Han's neck. "Can we go see Ma now?" He asked, his voice muffled.
Han laughed and kissed his cheek. "If you want. She's kinda being sick right now but maybe when she's done she'd like a cuddle."
"And she would like to watch my shows with me."
Han bit back a laugh. "Maybe. Why don't you go sit on the couch and get your shows on and I'll bring your Ma out when she's ready?"
"Kay," Ben smiled, kissing Han's cheek and then wriggling until he put him down. He hurried off to the living room and Han finally headed down the hallway to their bedroom.
"Sweetheart?" He called, bracing himself before stepping into the bathroom.
Leia was still sitting on the floor, leaning back against the bathroom counter and weakly trying to undo her braid. "It's falling out," she muttered, not even looking up at him.
"Hey. Let me help," Han said gently, reaching down and gently picking her up.
"No, Han. I don't need help," she said unconvincingly, sagging in his arms.
"Do you think you're done in there? Ben wants to watch his shows with you. And I made tea."
Leia closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. "That sounds really good. I don't have anything left to throw up anyway. I should be fine out there."
Han nodded and finally smiled, kissing her forehead as he carried her out and set her on the sofa.
Ben instantly curled into her side and reached to take her hand. "Ma, it's the one about the Wookiee family. It's my favourite. That one is the big brother and he's gonna be a pilot. Like Chewie!"
Leia smiled and pulled Ben close, tangling her hand in his hair. "Thanks for cuddling with me, honey."
"Sorry I'm not as big as Daddy. Then I could give you a bigger cuddle."
She kissed the top of his head. "One day you'll be as big as your Dad."
"Even bigger, probably," Han said, bringing Leia her tea and sitting beside her with a hairbrush. "You're getting good food and cuddles with your Ma. That'll make you grow bigger."
Ben beamed and turned his attention back to the holo-screen. Leia sipped her tea as Han started to gently undo her braid and brush through her hair. He was working a fresh braid into her hair when Ben said, "Mama, I know about the baby in your tummy," and carefully placed his hand on her abdomen.
Leia frowned at Han.
"Daddy didn't tell me. I can feel the baby. Can't you?" He asked, looking up at her.
Leia kissed Han's cheek apologetically and covered Ben's hand with her own. "I can. How long have you known?"
Ben shrugged. "A long time."
How long, exactly, they never found out. For a four-year-old, a 'long time' could be anything between 30 seconds and a year.
"Is the baby coming soon? Daddy said we can both live here at this house with him and you."
"Well of course you'll both live here, honey," Leia said with a small frown. "What did you think was going to happen?"
"Um…" Ben blushed. "I… The mean voice says I'm bad and you and Daddy are going to send me away. Daddy said it's lying."
"What voice, sweetheart?" Leia asked, pulling him impossibly closer. "Is it talking to you through the Force?"
Ben shrugged. "It's in here," he said, tapping his temple.
"And it says mean things to you?"
He nodded, sticking his thumb into his mouth for comfort. "His name is Smoke," he mumbled.
"Smoke?" Leia asked. "Love, we'll need to talk to Uncle Luke about this, okay? See if we can get him out of your head." She gently ran her fingers through his hair, holding his head to her chest.
Ben nodded again, pressing his face into her. "Yes please."
"Is he there all the time, kid?" Han asked, tying Leia's braid off and gently rubbing her back.
Ben thought for a moment. "Almost all the time," he said. "Sometimes I can ignore him if I'm watching my shows or helping on the Falcon."
"Well anytime you wanna tinker with something and block him out for a while, you let me know, huh?" Han said, having to stop himself from pulling Ben away from Leia and into his own arms. Not that he could protect him then anyway.
Ben gave him a smile and nodded.
"So, Ben. Do you want to come with us to the med-centre next week? We'll get to see a picture of the baby," Leia said, kissing his forehead.
"Uh-huh. I'd like that," he nodded. "Is it a boy baby or a girl baby, Ma? I can't tell."
Leia chuckled. "I can't tell either. Maybe they'll be able to see at the scan."
"How old are you, big guy?" The receptionist asked Ben as he sat primly in the waiting room between his parents, swinging his legs beneath his seat.
"I'm four and one half. We're going to see the baby in Mama's tummy."
"You're gonna be a big brother?"
"Uh-huh," Ben said proudly, reaching for Leia's hand as Doctor Kolonia came out of her office to collect them. "Are we gonna see the baby now?" Ben asked loudly, following her down the hallway and into her room.
"I think so. I remember looking at you in your Mommy's tummy," she said as Leia climbed onto the exam table.
Han sat beside the bed and pulled Ben into his lap, pointing to the screen. "It's going to come up there," he explained, but Ben was mesmerised by the gel Dr Kolonia was spreading over Leia's belly.
"What is that?" He asked, looking disgusted.
"This helps me see the baby. Then I use this special wand on your Mom's tummy and look," she said, pointing to the screen. "See that little baby?"
Ben wrinkled his nose, staring at the screen. "That is not a baby."
"It's still growing. See here are the little legs, and the little arms, and that's their head," Dr Kolonia explained, moving the wand around to get a good picture.
"Do they look okay?" Leia asked softly.
The doctor nodded, taking a few measurements. "A little small for the timing we worked out. But they're looking okay."
Leia bit her lip. "The boys can go out to the waiting room if you have concerns?" She said softly, holding Han's hand.
The doctor shook her head. "No concerns. Baby is just a little small. I'll have you come back in two weeks so we can check how they're growing. In the meantime, do you want to find out the sex?"
Ben and Han nodded eagerly, and Leia smiled. "They're desperate."
She smiled and looked at Ben. "Well it looks to me like you are going to have a baby sister."
Han was down at the Navy yards, flat on his back underneath an X-Wing, trying to retro-fit a new booster system to speed up the acceleration when his comm buzzed. At first he ignored it, a tool clamped between his teeth while he hummed to himself and worked on the repair. As his communicator continued to buzz, he grunted, digging it out of his pocket and answering it while he continued working.
"Han, I need you to come home." The despair in Leia's voice had him braining himself on the undercarriage of the ship as he sat up. Rubbing his forehead, he climbed out from under the X-Wing and looked around for Chewie.
Ben's nightmares had ramped up again and nobody seemed to be able to work out why. He had a meltdown every single morning when the two of them tried to go to work and leave him with Luke or Chewie. Han and the Rogue squadron were prepping for a mission in the Western Reaches, so he was both unable to bring Ben to work, and unable to spare a single hour off. This morning, Leia had agreed to work from home, unable to keep fighting, unable to keep feeling Ben's distress the entire day.
"I'm leaving right now. Is it… Are you okay?" He asked, his heart already sinking.
Leia was quiet for a few moments. "I know you're busy," she began. "I need to go down to the medcentre," she said, her voice shaking a little. "But I… I can't leave Ben. And I can't take him. He'll be so scared." Now she was talking she didn't seem to be able to stop. "There's blood, Han. Quite a bit… and I don't feel right. I can't feel her anymore."
"It's okay. It's alright," Han said, trying to keep his voice steady as he finally found Chewie and signalled him over. "Why don't you two head down to the medcentre and I'll meet you there, huh?"
"I can't take Ben down there, Han, they'll… I just need you to come watch him."
"No no no, you're not going down there on your own. I'll bring Chewie home with me, he can stay with Ben, right pal?"
Chewie nodded quickly, seeing the panic in Han's eyes that he was just managing to keep from his voice.
"Okay," Leia said. "Okay, that's good."
"We'll be there real soon. Do you want me to stay on the line?"
"No. No, it's fine," she said softly. "See you soon."
She hung up and Han looked up at Chewie, letting out a shaky breath. Chewie growled and patted Han's shoulder so hard his knees buckled. "Let's get goin' then."
They hurried to Han's speeder, Chewie buckling up tightly when it became clear that Han was essentially going to street-race his way home. He weaved in and out of traffic, sped down alleyways not meant for vehicular travel, and came to a screeching halt at their apartment's dock.
Han jumped out of the speeder, managing a smile when he saw Ben running out to meet them.
"Daddy! And Uncle Chewie!" He yelled, jumping up and down when he reached them until Han picked him up and held him close. "You're home early. 'Cause of Mama?"
Han nodded. "She's not feelin' so good. Where is she?"
"In your room resting," Ben said, his deep frown matching Han's.
"Resting, huh?" Han sighed, carrying Ben inside. Leia never rested. "Here's what's gonna happen, bud. I'm gonna take your Ma to the medcentre and get the medics there to make sure she's okay. And you're gonna stay here with Uncle Chewie. How 'bout that?"
Ben huffed a bit. "I wanna come with you."
"No you don't. It'll be real boring. We'll just be sittin' around for hours. I think you'll have more fun here. You can watch as much holo as you want and you know Chewie makes the best snacks," Han said.
Ben seemed fairly convinced by that, and wriggled until Han put him down when they reached the bedroom.
Leia was curled up in the middle of the bed, and gave the three of them a small smile when she saw them.
"Ready to go?" Han asked gently.
She nodded and sighed, sitting up slowly, clearly in a lot of pain.
"Mama, I'm gonna stay here to look after Uncle Chewie," Ben said seriously, giving her a gentle hug.
Leia smiled and held him close. "You be a good boy. We'll be home later, okay?"
"Okay, Ma. Comm me if you need anything," he said, parroting the line he heard Han say every single time he left the apartment.
"Okay, baby. I love you," she said, kissing his forehead as he pulled away.
"Love you too, Mama," Ben said with a crooked grin before rushing out to the living room and turning the holo on.
Han took Leia's hand and squeezed it. "You better pack some clothes, sweetheart," he said softly.
"Already did," Leia said with a tight smile, grabbing a packed bag from beside the bed.
Han nodded and sighed, taking the bag from her and holding her hand as they walked slowly out to the speeder. He helped her in before climbing into the driver's seat and starting the engine. "It's gonna be okay," he said gruffly as he pulled out into the traffic.
When the triaging droid recognised Han and Leia's credentials it quickly whisked them into a treatment room. Leia was examined by the droid and a human medic brought in, which they knew only meant bad news.
The medic sat down across from them and sighed. "Princess… were you aware you were pregnant?"
Leia bit her lip and nodded. "I told the droid I was. I'm eleven weeks along. We had a scan last week. It's a girl," she said softly, reaching for Han's hand.
The medic nodded. "I'm afraid I don't have any good news for you. You are having a miscarriage."
Leia nodded, Han squeezing her hand almost too tightly.
"I can't say exactly what went wrong but we will do further testing. I'm so sorry," the medic said, her voice gentle. "Have you ever miscarried before?"
"Three times," Han said softly, his fingers turning white from Leia gripping them.
The medic nodded slowly, seemingly at a loss for words. Then she said, "I'm sorry," again. "I understand you have a young son?"
They both nodded. "Ben," Leia said. "He's four."
"Is there someone who can take care of him overnight? I'd like to admit you. You'll likely need a procedure to clear your uterus. It's called-"
"I know what it's called," Leia said quickly. "I'd like my own doctor. Doctor Kolonia. She delivered Ben. She did this… the other times. I want to go home and come back to have her do it."
The medic nodded. "We can contact her to conduct the procedure. In the meantime we need to manage your symptoms. The droid that examined you noted extensive bleeding and cramping. It would be best for you to stay. We can issue you with pain medication and monitor you. Your son could visit during the appropriate hours if you would like him to."
"He'll be okay. Chewie'll stay with him," Han said softly, wrapping his arm over Leia's shoulders.
Leia thought for a moment before nodding. "Okay," she whispered.
The medic stood up and led them slowly into a private room. "I'll have a droid come in and give you something for the pain," she said. "We'll monitor you and get in touch with your doctor. Let us know if you need anything else and please make use of our support services if you would like. That goes for both of you," she said, giving Han a firm look. "MD-74553 will take you up to a private room."
Leia nodded and stood up slowly, holding Han's hand tightly and following the droid through the corridors. Han seemed a little dazed She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.
When they reached the room, the droid showed them the facilities and quickly left. Leia whipped the curtains open so they'd have something to look at, while Han pulled the blankets back. He helped Leia into bed, tucked her in and kissed her forehead. "You warm enough?"
Leia smiled fondly, reaching for his hand again. "I'm okay, Han."
He nodded and sat beside the bed, keeping hold of her hand. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
"It's nobody's fault. That's what you always tell me, right?"
He nodded. "Right. But I'm sorry it's happening to you again."
Leia shook her head, wincing as the pain intensified.
"Let me go find that damn droid," Han grumbled, starting to stand up.
Leia tightened her hold on his hand and shook her head. "Just stay here."
Han nodded and laid his other hand on top of hers, letting her cling to him. Another medical droid came in eventually and hooked Leia up to some IV fluids and painkillers. Leia drifted in and out of sleep, her body completely exhausted.
As Chandrila's sun started to move towards the horizon and the afternoon traffic started to build outside their window, Leia woke up a little more fully, the pain easing for a while. Han was still sitting anxiously beside the bed, watching her closely. "How you feeling?" He asked quietly.
"I'm okay. Is it still visiting hours?"
Han nodded. "I didn't know if you'd be up to seeing him. But I can comm Chewie."
Leia smiled. "That would be good. I'd like to have him here for a while."
Han went out into the hall to comm Chewie, finding a cup of tea and some water for Leia, a cup of strong caf for himself, and a few more warmed-up blankets to take back to the room. He handed Leia her tea and draped one of the blankets over her lap. "They'll be down soon," he said softly, sitting beside her and sipping at his caf. "How's your pain?"
"It's okay, Han. I'm okay," she said, holding her tea in her hands and letting it warm her. "I just want to go home."
"I know," Han said quietly, leaning over and kissing her cheek. "Soon."
Leia smiled weakly and sipped at her tea. "This is strong," she said with a laugh. "You always make it like this when I'm upset."
Han smirked. "It works doesn't it?"
She reached over to squeeze his hand. "I think it's just by association now. It tastes like you comforting me. Do you remember the first time?"
He nodded. "'Course. On the way to Yavin IV. You were yellin' at me," he said, his smile stretching to both sides of his face.
Leia hummed. "You were very pushy."
"I'm glad I was," he said softly. "Sweetheart…" he began.
"I can't do this again," she whispered. "I just can't. I was… I knew her, Han. I know she was tiny but she… I can't do it again."
Han nodded. "Neither can I. I'll get my implant put back in." His comm buzzed with a message from Chewie that they'd arrived and he kissed her hand before setting it back on the bed. "I'll be quick."
"Daddy!" Ben shouted, running across the hospital foyer and into his arms. Han picked him up and held him tightly. "Um, Daddy… I have to tell you something," Ben said, fiddling nervously with his hands.
Han sighed and kissed the top of his head. "I have to tell you something too, before we go and see your Ma."
Ben cocked his head to the side. "Is it about the baby? Mine is about the baby too."
"Oh yeah?" Han asked, pulling away a little so he could see his face. "What's your something?"
"Um… I think something is wrong with the baby," Ben said. "I… Yesterday I could say hi to her and I could feel her. You know, in the Force," he said sagely. "But today she's not saying hi back to me and Mommy is sick."
Han clenched his jaw and nodded. "I… yeah. That's cause… Honey, something went wrong with the baby. And now she's gone."
Ben frowned deeply. "Is she dead?" he asked loudly.
"Shh," Han said gently, looking around them. "She is, I guess. It's kinda tricky 'cause she wasn't born yet. But she's not going to be born anymore. I'm sorry, kid."
The small boy thought for a few moments, fiddling with Han's collar. Han wished he'd sat down to have this conversation.
"Did I say hi to her too much?" Ben eventually asked, looking up at Han with wide eyes.
Han frowned and pulled Ben close, running his fingers through his hair. "No, Ben. No. It's not 'cause of anything you did, or anything Mom or me did either. It just happens sometimes when babies are real little like that. It's easy for things to go wrong."
"Can we see Mama? Is she sad?"
Han nodded and kissed his temple, starting to walk up to Leia's ward. "She's sad. We're all sad. But I bet seeing you will cheer her up."
Ben looked at him dubiously for a few moments before nodding and resting his head on Han's shoulder as he rounded the corner into the corridor Leia's room was on.
"Now, Ben," Han said seriously. "Mama's not feeling good at all, okay? If it's too much for you then you tell me or Chewie and you can go back home. That's okay," he said, thinking of himself at Ben's age, watching his own mother succumb to the Corellian Fever.
"It's okay, Daddy," Ben said, matching his tone to Han's and furrowing his brow in exactly the same way. "I'm real brave."
Han chuckled. "I know you are, big guy. It's still okay if you want to go home though," he said, before pushing open the door to Leia's room.
Leia beamed when she saw them, and Ben wriggled wildly in Hans' arms until he deposited him on the bed. Ben crawled up to Leia's side, careful not to touch her belly as she pulled him close.
"Does it hurt, Mama?" he asked softly, reaching up to carefully push her hair back from her face.
"I'm okay, honey. They gave me medicine so it doesn't hurt so much."
Ben bit his lip. "I wish my baby sister was still gonna come."
"Me too, Ben," she whispered. "Sorry this is so hard."
"Daddy said it's not 'cause of anyone's fault," Ben said firmly. "So don't say sorry."
"Okay," Leia chuckled. "Have you been good for Chewie?"
"Uh-huh," Ben nodded. "We watched all my shows and then we ate a snack and then Daddy called. Mama, how long are you gonna be sick for?"
"Not too long, love. Dr Kolonia is going to come soon and I'm going to have a tiny operation and then I'll feel much better."
"Can I come?"
"No, Ben," Leia said, biting back a laugh at his earnestness. "You boys can all go and get something to eat. And can you do a special job for me?"
"Uh-huh," Ben said seriously.
"I need you to make sure Daddy has some good dinner," she whispered conspiratorially. "Can you do that?"
Ben nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I can do that," he said, looking up as the door slid open and Doctor Kolonia stepped inside.
"Good evening, Solos," she said softly. "How are you feeling, Leia?"
"I'm okay, Harter. The boys are just about to go get some dinner."
She smiled and patted Han's shoulder. "Good idea. Well we're ready for you upstairs so that's perfect timing," she said, moving over to the bed and squeezing Leia's hand as she checked her medications and got the bed ready to move.
"You look after my Ma okay?" Ben said anxiously as Han lifted him away from Leia.
"Don't you worry about a thing, Ben. I'll take good care of her, okay?"
He nodded as Han leaned over to kiss her forehead. "See you a bit later," he said quietly, his voice tight.
"It's okay, Daddy," Ben said, holding tightly onto his vest as a couple of orderlies wheeled Leia out of the room. "I've got you."