Ben was seven and a half the first time he had his hair braided.
"Um… Who did your hair, baby?" Leia asked, doing her very best to stifle her laughter as she knelt in front of him and ran her fingers over what she instantly recognised as Han's handiwork. He'd woven two neat braids on either side of Ben's head, pulling his normally unruly and wild hair back tidily from his face, tying the braids together at the back.
"Daddy did," Ben said proudly. "D'you like it?"
Leia kissed his forehead. "You look very handsome. And I bet it's nice to have it out of your face, hmm?"
He nodded. "Dad said the Alderaanian royal family wear braids a lot, even the boys. And Chewie said Jedi padawans are meant to have a braid too. But we didn't tell that to Dad."
Leia laughed. "That was a good idea."
"Maybe when I go away to Uncle Luke's temple, then I'll have a braid," he said thoughtfully.
"I think you probably will," Leia nodded. "Have you been thinking about going away?"
Ben nodded, meeting her eyes with his own, dark and serious, "I'm not ready yet."
"I know, love. But it's good you're thinking about it. I think you'd learn a lot there."
Ben bit his lip, looking down at his feet. "But, Mama… I just wanna be a pilot and help Daddy fly the Falcon. Can't I do that?"
"You can do anything you want, Ben," she said softly. "But, you've been given these wonderful powers and you have to learn to control them. You know that."
The small boy frowned and eventually nodded. "I like Uncle Luke. I just don't wanna be away from you and Dad."
"I know," Leia said, pulling him into her arms. "We don't want to send you away either. But one day, you'll be ready. And you'll know when it comes."
Ben was eight when he first stayed at the Jedi Temple. Two more incidents at school had led to Han finally agreeing to an extended holiday for the three of them on Yavin IV. Ben agreed to stay in the Temple with the handful of other pupils Luke had, and Han and Leia shacked up in the Captain's cabin on the Falcon.
"Dad?" Ben asked as he stepped anxiously into the Falcon's galley where his father was arguing with the caf machine.
"What's up, kid?" Han grunted, not looking up from his work.
"Um… Do you know how to do tiny little braids?" He asked, fiddling with his hands, his voice trembling.
Han looked up at that and shrugged. "Sure. I do them for your Mom whenever she needs something fancy. What're you so nervous about?"
Ben bit his lip. "I… can you do a Jedi braid? It goes at the back. It's just one," he explained.
Han smiled and nodded. "'Course I can," he said, sitting on the ground and gently pulling Ben into his lap, getting to work with his hair. "Which side does it go on?"
"This one," Ben said, tugging on the hair on his right side.
"Are you excited about your lessons?" Han asked, fumbling in one of the galley drawers for a spare brush and something to tie the braid with. Leia kept them everywhere, so he didn't need to rummage for long.
"Um… uh-huh. And meeting the other padawans. That's a Jedi in training," he added.
Han nodded. "So you're a padawan?"
"Uh-huh. This is a padawan braid what you're doing," he said. "Uncle Luke said when I get to be a real Jedi he cuts it off with a lightsaber."
Han looked slightly disgruntled. "I don't remember Uncle Luke doing that when he became a real Jedi."
Ben thought for a moment then shrugged. "Maybe it happened when you were in carbonite."
"Maybe," Han grunted.
"Dad… when I'm a man, I wanna be a pilot."
Han nodded, frowning as he concentrated on his hair. "I know. Lots of Jedi are pilots too. Luke and your grandfather. I think Ben Kenobi could fly a ship too. Nothin' wrong with bein' good at two things."
"Well I wanna be a mechanic too," Ben said stubbornly.
"Three things then," Han said, tying off his braid. "How's that?" He asked, lifting Ben up to sit on the counter so he could look into the mirror mounted above the galley sink.
Ben grinned and traced a careful hand over the neat braid. "I like it."
Han kissed his cheek. "Hey, listen… I don't ever want you bein' scared of me, Ben. If you… I'm never gonna hurt you. You know that, right?"
Ben nodded and rested back in Han's arms. "I know, Dad. I just didn't wanna upset you about the Jedi stuff."
Han sighed. "It doesn't upset me, I just… I don't understand it and I don't want you to have to go away for your training. That's all."
Ben swivelled around so he could face him. "Me neither," he said quietly, looking up at him. He reached a hand up and carefully ran his finger along the scar on Han's chin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before slowly opening them again. "Did your Dad do this?" he eventually asked.
Han clenched his jaw and nodded. "Uh-huh. I was about your age."
"I'm not scared of you, Dad," Ben said firmly, wrapping his arms around Han's shoulders.
"I'll never hurt you. Never," Han said, holding him tightly.
"I know," Ben nodded. "I know."
"Mama, don't you have training too? You could stay with me," Ben said anxiously, clinging to her hand as they dawdled from the Falcon over to the main Temple building.
"I don't think Luke's going to have much time for training me this trip. Besides, somebody needs to look after your Dad," Leia said, squeezing his hand.
Ben bit his lip. "I had a dream that you forgot I was at the Temple and you and Dad left me here on accident."
"Well that won't happen, love," Leia said softly, rubbing his shoulders. "Daddy wants your help with the hyperdrive before we leave. He says we can't go to lightspeed without you. So even if we did forget you, which we never would, we wouldn't be able to get very far."
Ben laughed and leaned into her side. "I know you wouldn't forget me. It just happened in my dream."
Luke met them at the entrance to the Temple, flanked by two padawans who waved nervously at Ben. He waved back and gave them a small smile. "Hi," Luke said softly, hugging Leia as one of the children, a small Togruta girl, stepped forward.
"Hi Ben. We missed you while you were gone home," she said. The other padawan hung back, watching Ben warily.
"Hi," Ben said quietly. "This is my Mom."
The girl giggled. "Princess Leia. We know, Ben. Come on. Master Luke said you're gonna bunk with us this time."
Ben nodded. "I'll just say bye," he said, turning and hugging Leia. "Bye, Ma. Be nice to Dad, okay? He's kinda sad."
"Don't you worry about him, love," Leia said, kissing the top of his head. "You have a good time, we'll see you in two days. And if you need us before then, you know where we are, okay?"
"Okay, Ma," he said, letting her hold him for another moment before pulling away to join Luke and the other padawans.
"Did he cry?" Han asked, completely submerged in one of the Falcon's maintenance pits.
Leia sat down on the edge of the pit, her legs dangling inside, a habit she'd developed almost a decade ago on the slow slog to Bespin. "No, he was fine. Anxious, but not upset."
"Good," Han nodded. "And you?"
Leia shrugged. "I didn't cry either. But I am a little anxious. We're right here if we need him."
"Yeah," Han nodded. "I think this trip'll be really good for all of us."
Leia nodded and reached down to run a gentle hand through his hair, noticing for the first time the grey sprinkled throughout the soft brown. "I think so too. We hardly get any time to ourselves anymore," she said softly.
"Honey, we haven't had time to ourselves since the trip to Bespin," Han chuckled, kissing the nearest part of her he could reach - her ankle - before hoisting himself out of the pit so he could sit beside her. He wiped his grimy hands on his trousers and smirked at her. "Can I hold you?"
Leia nodded, quickly climbing into his lap facing him, her knees framing his thighs, her arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders. Han held her close, pressing his face into her shoulder and breathing her in.
"He was scared to ask me to do his braid," Han said, almost in a whisper, pulling away to look up at her.
"I'm sure he wasn't scared, Han. He probably just didn't want to upset you," she said gently
"It's the same thing," Han said shakily. "I… never wanted to ask my Dad anything 'cause I never knew how he'd react, you know? And he'd never… he only ever hit me once. But he used to yell all the time and… I never wanted my own kid to be scared of me."
"It's not that simple, sweetheart," Leia said softly, tangling her fingers in his hair. "Ben's not scared that you're going to hurt him, or yell at him and get angry. But he also knows that you hate the idea of leaving him here, and that you don't want him to be a Jedi."
Han sighed. "It's not that I don't want him to be a Jedi, it's that I… I don't want him to have to be a Jedi. I just want him to be happy and free."
"I do too," Leia said softly. "And he will be. So much more than either of us ever were. This training is equipping him to be the best Ben Solo he can be."
Han nodded, closing his eyes and pressing his face back into her shoulder.
"You okay?" Leia asked quietly, kissing the side of his head, trying not to jostle him.
"Yeah," Han whispered, not moving his head, and sighing happily when Leia lifted a hand to cradle his head to her. "Just love you. Sometimes so much I can't breathe right."
Leia smiled and held him a little tighter. "I love you too," she said firmly, closing her eyes. She let him hold her for so long her arms and legs cramped up and ached when he finally pulled away slightly.
"Will we be okay?" He asked quietly, his eyes earnest, the nervous crinkle appearing at the top of his nose.
"Yes," Leia said, kissing him. "We'll be okay. All of us," she said.
Ben tossed and turned in the bunk, the blanket scratchy and wrong, his bunkmate Damae snoring away in the bottom bunk. The nightmare hadn't been a particularly bad one, but the knowledge that he couldn't immediately climb into his parents' bed made it seem so much worse.
The voice in his head had been circling around so much more intensely today, as if the physical distance between himself and his parents gave Snoke more space to invade the eight-year-old's thoughts.
Ben shook his head and rubbed his eyes, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He sat up in bed, quietly slipping down the ladder and into the hallway.
The stone floor was cold beneath his bare feet as he tip-toed down the hallway. He hovered outside Luke's chambers, watching the light seeping out from beneath the closed door. He took that to mean it was not the middle of the night, just late. He briefly contemplated knocking on the door but decided against it; he didn't want to interrupt his meditation. Instead he made his way out to a small courtyard. Young trees grew in a neat border around a paved square which looked out over the bushland surrounding the Temple. Ben sat on the ground in the middle of the square, his legs crossed, his hands resting gently on his knees.
He closed his eyes tight and breathed deeply, hoping it would settle his mind and block Snoke out for a while. Behind closed eyes he saw a young girl in a desert foraging for scrap; he saw himself, a man, his uncle's lightsaber in his hand; he saw a castle, its spires sharp and turned black by the surrounding flames and lava; he saw Luke's Temple in flames; he saw a helmet, black with a silver grille; he saw his father, older, alone on a bridge, walking towards him.
Ben clenched his fists and focused harder, reaching out to his father in his vision. In his hand was a lightsaber, not yet ignited. He reached out for Han's hand, wondering why he looked so upset. Suddenly, he found himself completely unable to stop the lightsaber from igniting, directly through his father's chest.
He gasped, opening his eyes and biting down hard on his lower lip. Ben stood up, his fists still clenched, looking around the courtyard for a moment before taking off running in the direction of the Falcon.
The boarding ramp was down, but the hatch at the top was closed. Ben slowed down slightly so he could key in the code before heading down the corridor to the captain's cabin. He pressed his palm to the access panel outside the door, his frown deepening when it rejected his handprint.
"Mama?" He called, chewing his lip anxiously until the door slid open to reveal Han in his boxers, his hair askew, rubbing his eyes.
"Ben," he whispered. "What is it, buddy?"
Ben frowned at him. "Where's Mom?" He demanded.
"She's sleepin', kid, it's real late. What's wrong?"
"I had a bad dream," Ben said softly. "Then the voice wouldn't stop saying bad stuff." He closed his eyes for a moment and found himself revisiting his visions. He took two hurried steps forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Han's middle.
"Hey, kid, it's okay," Han sighed, picking him up and holding him close. "You're safe."
"I hurt you again, Daddy. In my head," he whispered.
Han held him tighter and carried Ben out to the main hold, sitting behind the Dejarik table. "Ben, I know you'd never hurt me. Your head's just playin' tricks on you."
Ben pressed his face into Han's shoulder and sighed, letting his breathing settle. "What if you weren't here?" he asked quietly.
Han rubbed his back and kissed his forehead. "If we weren't here you'd go to Luke instead. He would never mind you goin' to him if you have a bad dream."
"He's awake but he was meditating," Ben said softly. "Were you awake?"
Han shook his head. "No, I wasn't. But you know I don't mind you wakin' me up if you need me."
"I know," Ben nodded, sitting back a little to look at Han's face. "Only if your door is locked," he said seriously. "Then I need to knock."
Han chuckled and nodded. "That's right."
"'Cause you're probably doing sex," Ben said wisely.
Han's eyes widened. "Ah… Who told you that?"
"I did," Leia said as she stepped into the hold, a shirt of Han's hanging down nearly to her knees. "Because it's normal. And Ben isn't stupid."
Han nodded hesitantly. "Okay. Sure. Anyway, whenever you need us, we're here, okay? That's all I'm sayin'. Now, do you want to sleep here until morning? Or do you want me to take you back to your bunk?"
Ben thought for a moment. "I don't want to be a baby," he said softly. "I just wanted to see you. 'Cause of my dreams."
Han kissed his forehead. "You wanna go back to your room?"
Ben nodded. "Can you take me?"
"Sure thing, big guy, let me find a shirt, huh?" He said, shifting Ben off of his lap and disappearing into his cabin.
"I had a vision," Ben said once Han was gone. Leia sighed and sat beside him, cuddling him close. "Daddy was sad and I… I just wanted to help him but… I had a red lightsaber, Mama. And I…" he sighed and rubbed his face. "I hurt him. And he fell."
Leia kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Did you try meditating?"
"That's when it happened," Ben said miserably.
"Oh, love," she sighed. "Ben, you're a good boy. And Luke is going to help you get Snoke out of your head. You just concentrate on your lessons and on having a good time with your friends. Luke told me you like your bunk-mate."
Ben nodded. "Damae. He's from Rodia. He doesn't have a Mom or a Dad. He lived with his uncle before. But he still misses them."
"It sounds like you're being a very good listener," Leia smiled, kissing his cheek again as Han came out of his cabin, pulling a ratty tshirt on over his head.
"Can't find my boots," he grumbled. "Looks like you couldn't either," he chuckled, pointing at Ben's bare feet.
"My feet don't get so cold like yours," Ben said seriously.
"I'm okay, kid. Let's get you back to bed, huh?"
Ben sighed, looked at Leia - who looked at Han, already shivering a little, and rolled her eyes - then nodded. "Okay," he said, taking Han's hand.
They trudged across the dewy grass, Han's feet quickly going numb, Ben holding his hand tightly and chewing on his lower lip.
"Dad?" Ben said softly as they reached the entrance to the dormitories.
Han stopped and knelt in front of him. "What's up?"
"When's it gonna stop?" Ben whispered. "The dreams and the visions? What if Uncle Luke can't fix it?"
Han pulled him into a tight hug and sighed. "I dunno, kid. I hope Uncle Luke can help you fix it but maybe… Hey," he said, pulling away a little. "I got an idea. You know Rex from the Pathfinders?"
"Uh-huh," Ben nodded. "Captain Rex. He's old."
"Yeah, he's also a war veteran so you just watch your mouth," Han teased, tickling him. "Well Captain Rex used to have bad dreams, he told me once. And they came true, but he fought them, and he didn't do the bad things in his dreams."
Ben's eyes widened. "But, he's not a Jedi."
"No, but he's a soldier, and he's real strong and brave like you. I can ask if he'd be okay to talk to you about it if you want?"
"Yes please," Ben nodded, turning and pushing open the door to his room.
"You sleep good, okay?" Han said gently, ruffling his hair as Ben nodded.
"Can you tuck me in?"
"Ben, is that your Dad?" A small voice sounded from the lower bunk.
"Yep. Han Solo," Ben said proudly as the other boy sat up in bed to peer at them.
"Can he tuck me in too?" he asked softly.
"Sure thing," Han said, lifting Ben up into his bunk and tucking him in first, kissing his forehead. "Have a good sleep, big guy," he said before kneeling by the other boy's bed. "Damae, right?"
The little boy nodded as Han gently tucked the blankets around him. "I'm an orphan," he whispered.
"Oh yeah?" Han said, sitting back on his heels. "Me too. It hurts sometimes, huh?"
Damae nodded. "I miss them."
Han nodded. "But you've got a new family here, right?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna be a Jedi."
"Well, you sleep good, little Jedi, okay?" Han said, standing up.
"Okay, Han Solo," Damae whispered, rolling over and falling asleep.
Han smiled and peeked into the top bunk. Ben was still awake, staring up at the ceiling. "Can't fall asleep with your eyes open, kid," Han whispered.
Ben sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "Night, Dad."
"Goodnight, Ben. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
Han nodded and stepped out of the room, the hatch sliding closed behind him.
By the time he reached the Falcon again he was shivering all over, his feet and hands numb. Leia met him at the top of the boarding ramp, her hands on her hips, a blanket slung over her shoulder. "You should have worn a coat," she said softly, wrapping the blanket around him as he reached her. "Is Ben okay?"
Han nodded and sat by the Dejarik table, pulling some socks on. "He's okay. I think he should talk to Rex," he said, rubbing his hands together. "And I know it's all… a Force thing… but don't you think we should try some kinda therapy for him?"
Leia sighed and sat beside him, taking his hands in her own and gently rubbing some warmth back into them. "I understand where you're coming from," she said gently. "I want to try everything we can too. But this is… He's not sick, sweetheart, he's being targeted."
Han sighed and leaned over to rest his head on her shoulder. Leia slid her hand up into his hair and held him. "Why?"
Leia shrugged. "I don't know," she said softly. "I guess because he's a Skywalker."
"He's a Solo," Han said firmly.
"I know that," Leia nodded, kissing his cheek and rubbing his chest. "But he's a Skywalker too and that… comes with a lot of things that none of us actually asked for. Luke says that our father was targeted like this when he was growing up."
"Oh. Great," Han said, closing his eyes and letting her hold him.
Leia kissed the top of his head, reaching out to Ben for a second and finding him, at least for now, sleeping peacefully. "But what happened to Anakin Skywalker will not happen to our son. We won't let it."