My favorite chapter so far! Enjoy! And thanks so much to the guest reviewers who I can't directly respond to!
It was early when she woke up. Really early. She was already an early riser, but this was an hour she rarely saw. The night was still thick over the cityscape of Chandrila. The stars bright on this clear morning.
She stood at the great windows, taking in the beauty of the dark and the possibility of the day. Bathed in the glow of the city lights, her short stature appeared massive by the length of her shadow stretching clear across the room. Her bare feet felt grounded on the sleek tiled floor as one foot moved to brush against her heel. Her arms folded across her chest as if to starve off the cold, but she was contently warm in her cobalt colored sleep shirt and pant set. Her arms crossed as if to hold the contentment she was feeling close, grasping it tightly so it wouldn't escape her.
A sound rang from beside her bed. Her ear was waiting for this sound. Turing towards it immediately, her long tresses shifted down her back and over her shoulder.
She made her bed that morning, a task she couldn't remember completing since she was very young. Her parents insisted that she learn how to accomplish this simple task if she was ever required to do so on her own. She hadn't ever been required to use that skill. As a princess, she had people to do that for her and as a soldier, that was the least of her priorities.
But, as already explained, she was up and about extremely early, thus giving her time to dawdle on tasks she usually wouldn't consider doing. Especially because she found correspondence that future Han and Leia employ a cleaning service every other day.
She glanced past her crisp bedding to the singular event she had been anticipating. The sound from the blue holo monitor repeated with her eyes as witnesses this time. She spotted movement. Sleepy movement, but it was enough to prompt her into her anticipated action.
Grabbing the cream silk robe at the bottom of the bed, she slipped it over her arms as she pattered quietly to the door. There was a slight hiss as the air pressure in the opening mechanism kicked in and opened to the even more blackened hallway. Luckily, she knew enough about where she was going and it wasn't far.
Almost directly across the hall, she palmed another door that hissed open on her command.
The nursery was becoming more familiar to her. She nodded with satisfaction to see that Han did in fact put the girl's dirty clothes from the day before into the laundry unit to be picked up by the cleaning droid later that day. Everything still looked neat and tidy from after their play session. Toys had been put away, blanket folded and draped on the chair once again, and changing station at the ready.
An echo of the mew she heard from the monitor was now much clearer. She took the few steps that carried her to the side of the crib and looked down at the waking creature.
The little girl's eyes were still closed tightly, just on the edge between asleep and awake. The hair curling around her pressed into her right cheek, leaving lines as it dropped in her shuffling. The green blanket was pushed to the side as her legs kicked around with the rest of her body. Her fists balled up as they moved to rub her eyes and a yawn the size of Yavin Prime escaped from deep in her chest.
"Good morning, Rayah," she whispered with a light, hopeful song while reaching a hand in to caress her soft cheeks.
The forth time a soft cry fell from her lips, Leia reached in, one hand supporting her head and back and the other around her hips. The one-year-old wasn't a baby anymore, but she was still light enough for Leia to maneuver easily. Lifting her from the rumpled mattress, Leia pulled the girl gently into her chest, head resting on her should just at the crook of her neck.
She stayed in her closed eye position with the move, a result Leia was hoping to accomplish. That was the first step, now it was up to Leia to accomplish the second.
She didn't know what she was doing, but she knew she needed to do something. Luke said Rayah wasn't connecting with her mother, wasn't able to feel her presence in the Force because Leia herself never realized she had one. But she would fight through hell and back to find this Force thing that would bring her closer to the little girl she had instantly fallen in love with.
'Open to the Force,' she repeated in her head as she closed her own eyes and rested her chin against the child's forehead. 'Inhale… exhale… Let your feelings guide you.'
Rayah wiggled, her mouth opening with a small gasp and snivel. "Ma… ma…"
"Shhh." Leia felt a momentary panic as Rayah moved, but she quickly regained control of her focus and reached even further inside herself, feeling her way to a connection.
Something warm glimmered inside her chest for a moment only to petter out. Her eyes scrunched in defeat, but that only made the warmth go away entirely. Resetting, she calmed her mind, calmed her muscles and went in search for that glow.
She found it again, dim but present. She didn't know if this was the Force or not, but it was worth a try. As her concentration heightened, she was able to maintain that dim presence. The waves washed over her like the sun's refreshing rays.
A hand on her physical chest pulled her eyes open. A tiny hand had bent and clutched the fabric covering Leia's heart. And then a little head nuzzled further into her neck. The dim presence was still there, remaining steady now that it was realized.
Leia's lips curled as she closed her eyes again, sighing with alleviation. "Yes, sweetheart," she whispered against the girl's temple. "I'm your Mama."
She knew it to be true, and now Rayah felt it to be true.
She reveled in this moment, the warmth from within her heightened by the warm weight against her chest. She felt herself rocking smoothly this way and that as her hand cupped the girl's head. She could feel Rayah's steady breaths against her skin, warm and comfortable.
With a yen that had been bubbling, she tilted her head so her lips pressed delicately against her daughter's hairline.
"That kiss was from your Uncle Luke."
Her lips returned and lingered. Her voice but a breath. "And that one was from me."
Her daughter continued to sleep oh so peacefully surrounded by her mother. And the mother would gladly stay in that exact position until the end times if it meant this moment could last forever.
"I barely know you, sweet girl," she murmured as softly as she could. "But I love you so much."
There was a prominent creak in the floorboards coming from the entrance. It didn't break her moment, but she turned to behold the last member of this new family. How long he had been standing there, she wasn't sure.
"Mornin'," he crooned with the deep husk of vocal rest.
She had gotten used to seeing him in his t-shirt and comfortable pants, but there was something about the even scruffier hair than usual and his bare feet that still caused her heart to jolt.
His face was still sleepy, or maybe it was dreamy, but his long eyes showed his emotional state. "You're holdin' her."
Her chin fell down as she glanced out of the corner of her eye at the mop of hair still settled on her shoulder. "She can feel me now."
Rayah chose that moment to let out a massive sigh for such a little girl, her back visibly lifting and then falling. It was enough of an adorable action to make the grin on Leia's lips widen.
She looked back to Han. His lips were quivering, his eyes now plaintive, as his shoulders dropped, heavy limbs at his sides.
"Leia…" he muttered, finally letting his lips speak instead of mime. "I'm not sure… I can do this."
"Do what?" Her voice was more than a whisper as his statement dropped an ounce of dread in her. "Han talk to me."
She expected him to look away and collect himself before sharing, or she expected him to avoid answering her altogether. Instead, he let his features transform into a passionate focus, eyes trained on her, on them.
"This is what I want, Leia." He intoned, with unwavering assurance. "You're what I want. You and Rayah."
She stared back at the man before her, his sincerity written on every inch of his body.
He continued with the same affirmation. "I think I need to know where you stand. Because… now that I see this." His hand spread towards her and Rayah. "What my life… our lives could be…" He paused again, struggling to find the words and get them out. "Losing that would be… really really hard."
She let his words sink in, seep into her skin and through her veins. The man before her had a great capacity to love. And he wanted to shower it over her, and their daughter. She was truly moved, but she held back.
She opened her mouth, careful with her words. "I meant what I said before. The idea of you and me, together. It's not far from my mind, it never was."
Looking down for a moment to check on her still sleeping daughter, Leia continued with her honest reflection. "Before Hoth, before the war began actually, I made a promise to myself that… well, I almost fell in love once and the war took him away, so I told myself it was a mistake I wouldn't repeat."
"From what I hear you did repeat it," he shared.
That was apparently true. She met his eyes again. "Then I must have been hopelessly in love with you."
"Hum…" he paused, his hands lifting to his hips. "Past tense."
Yes. This is what Leia herself was struggling with when it came to Han Solo. During the three years of the war, he was a great man who she held deep respect for. She loved his humor, his skill, his loyalty.
And now she was thrust into a future where there was quite literally irrefutable evidence that she was head over heels in love with this man, enough so that they decided to dedicate to a life together. It's not that she couldn't see this happening. It's that it didn't happen yet.
"Han," she began, her head tilting up as a thought came into her mind. "Maybe we need to forget about what once was. That is someone else's story, but not ours now."
She was relieved when she saw his head nod, so he wasn't going to completely withdraw from her emotionally because she couldn't meet him where he was just yet. "So we should start new?"
"I mean start from where we are both right now. Get to know each other."
He let a smirk light up his bed head. "I know you fine, Princess."
The fact that his statement was so completely false was another reason she wasn't where he was at."Trust me when I say, no you don't." There was still much for him to learn.
His arms crossed as he shifted his weight between his feet. "So, I get to take you out on dates?"
"Well," she gave him a smile while she continued her rocking. "Maybe we should wait for the public thing until we are a little more settled in portraying this established, married couple."
"Gotcha, makes sense."
"But…" she began. "We have an entire home to ourselves."
"Penthouse," he corrected with a hint of snobbery.
"And there's plenty of take-out options."
"And we're raising a kid together," he added to the other opportunities they had to spend time together.
"We're living together," she concluded with emphasis. "I think those interactions are significant enough to constitute dating."
He snickered, tilting his body to the right and leaning his shoulder against the door frame. "We've never been ones to follow a rule book."
She gave him a contented expression. She was glad they were moving in this direction at their own pace, but there was one more thing he deserved to know.
"And for what it's worth…" Her voice held steady, giving voice to her truth. "I want this too. This family."
His head dipped, rising with a pleased gaze. "That's… that's good."
She held his gaze. It wasn't going to be hard falling for him, that she was sure of. She was sure she wasn't the first woman to fall for his striking good looks, his charming humor, and his kind heart. But that's not all it took to make a marriage a success. It would take complete emotional capitulation, opening ones heart and letting the other person see it, for all the good and bad that was there. And that was something Leia was not ready for… yet.
"I think she's sleeping." Leia still felt the steady breathing and the limp limbs against her.
Han took a step away from the doorframe and closer to them, bending down so he could see Rayah's face. "Yeah, her eyes are closed."
His hands went to his hip, but she knew where they wanted to be.
Taking her top arm off her daughter, she stretched it out to him. "Come here."
She could tell he was hesitant, not sure they were on the same page, but she nodded her permission.
So he took a step closer. "How do you hold her so easily with one arm?"
"She's not that heavy." Leia's hand rested gently on the back of his hips as he stepped into her space.
"Yeah, but I might drop her." His hand landed on her far shoulder. It felt large and soft as his fingers started to rub.
"No you won't, you nerf herder." Her body tilted, leaning herself against his chest, her head only just reaching his chin as she pulled him closer.
He followed her lead, letting his free arm wrap around their daughter's back and the other tightening against her shoulder. His head pressed into hers. After a moment, she felt his lips shift down to smooth over her hair.
And now this was the singular moment she never wanted to end.
His head rolled over hers again, caressing her strands with his cheek as his lips lowered to her ear. "I can't wait."
She lifted her face slightly from her position against his chest. "Can't wait for what?"
"Can't wait to fall in love with you all over again."