So sorry I'm posting later than usual! Life gets in the way...
Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks so much for your lovely notes!
It turned out to be a comfortable day. More than that. Han would mark it down as a day to remember.
They scrounged up a simple breakfast together, mainly composed of dry ingredients they didn't have to prepare. But Rayah was happy with her crunchy pieces, so it was a successful meal.
They eventually got dressed and Chewie checked in, the furry friend just as thrilled about the fact they made it through a night alone as they were. Rayah's spaceships made their way into the living room. Unsurprisingly, it was Han who brought them there as the family sat down to indulge their girl in a full out space station with ships docked on the sofa, the chairs, the tables, and the floor. The little girl was thrilled with her father's dramatic mechanical sounds. She giggled at the woosh of his engine as his YT 24000 took off and she let out an even heartier belly laugh as the ship circled her head only to crash into her fathers chest and force him to topple over onto the floor.
He repeated that move countless times to the same effect and pretty soon had the Princess laughing along. After that joke was exhausted, Rayah started running from couch to chair and back again, collecting her toys in one place, and then moving them all one by one to another place. Clearly she enjoyed the process more than the final product. She squealed with delight as her little legs scrambled across the floor to her parents' cooing and excited voices.
"I'mmmm gonna get you!" Han threatened as he crouched at the ready on his hands and knees, swiping his arms out to only just miss her each time.
"Run, run, run!" Leia exclaimed as she patted her legs from her kneeling position next to one of the space stations.
He couldn't believe how much energy that tiny fireball had. He suspected he and Leia were more tired at this point than the girl.
They were expecting to have her down for a nap an hour ago. Leia mentioned that morning that she wanted to find some time that day to continue reviewing her briefings on upcoming projects and Senate business in her office. Han was also going to take the opportunity to reach out to General Rieekan and inform him that he would be coming back into service the following day. He expected there would be some easy days for him right off the bat, doing a lot of stuff like Leia was doing. Getting to know the landscape of the galaxy post war, where the hot spots were, how the military operated in a limited capacity, and what his usual missions entailed.
He was only half looking forward to it. The Han Solo that emerged from Hoth was contented being his own boss, prioritizing managing his own life. But this version of Han seemed to shift his priorities, fitting into a mold that he wasn't completely comfortable with. He wondered how much the old Han Solo had mellowed out through the last four years and he wondered how much of the old Han Solo was willing to do anything to be with Leia. Even if it meant giving up some of his autonomy.
The other half of him was excited to get back to something productive, something that made him feel more like his old self. Flying through space, exercising his street smarts, and interacting with more than three people.
But they didn't have time to do any work right now as their one-year-old was currently running circles around them.
She was running around the low table in front of the sofa when her direction was off and her leg bumped hard into the side. There was a pregnant few seconds where both parents waited, tense, their eyes wide as they waited for her to either laugh or cry. She chose the latter.
"Come here, little princess." Han was closest to her, so he reached for her arm and pulled her up from her crumpled position. The bump wasn't hard enough to actually be worrisome, but it pulled at his heart nonetheless.
She took in a big exhale before releasing it in a resounding sob. Her usually light skin went from pale to blotchy red in a matter of seconds and her eyes were a waterfall of emotion.
"It's okay," Han instinctively muttered as he stood up with her cradled in his arms, his hand rubbing against her back.
Leia was there as soon as she got her feet under her. "I think she scared herself."
He nodded, that sounded right.
Leia brought her hand beside his on her back. "You're alright, sweetie."
Rayah continued her break down as she held her arms close to her chest and pressed her cheek into her father's shoulder. Her wails were more like hiccups of sounds now.
"She's probably tired… finally." Han shared as he met Leia's eyes.
She raised her eyebrows and shifted her head in a way that told him he was probably right as well.
"Let's sit down," he said mainly to Rayah but also to Leia.
He chose to sit on the sofa and he was grateful when Leia lowered herself beside him. He leaned back so Rayah's weight was more in his lap and chest than on his arms. He kept his soothing motions over her back as her sobs slowed, eventually turning into soft whimpers.
As aware he was of his daughters sad condition, he was also acutely aware of the Princess's proximity.
Leia shifted her body so that she was sitting on her side, facing her lamenting daughter, her knee bending to rest on the sofa less than an inch from his thigh. He became even more aware of her presence as her hand again reached out to rub circles on the little girl in his arms.
Pretty soon, that was all he was focused on. Rayah had long stopped her cries in favor of entering dreamland, her eyes shutting and body going limp against his. He knew they had stuff to do, her nap time was supposed to be their work time, but there was nothing so important to take him away from this moment. Apparently, she felt the same.
"It's nice to see you with her," Leia whispered as a smirk and gleam appeared on her face.
"Not as nice as watchin' the two of you together," he insisted, still unable to get the image of the two of them this morning out of his head. "You can never deny her."
"Did you ever see yourself with a child?"
Han's first through was 'that's really personal!' It took him a moment to let his guard down again and answer her. She deserved his answer.
"Never." That was the truth to her direct question. "It was more like a… pipe dream. I wanted one or two. Somethin' to call a family." That was also true. "But I never actually thought it would happen."
"You never thought a girl would be crazy enough to take you on as a project?"
He loved this side of her. The delicious humor that made his soul soar.
"Never thought she would willingly," he pushed back. "And I think that says more about your character than it does mine."
She laughed at that and it drew his full attention. Her head dipped at first and then he heard the resounding chuckle come from deep in her chest. Her eyes raised, joy dancing across her orbs.
"What?" Her laughter stopped, her eyes still on fire.
He shrugged. "Somethin' you said this morning…"
Her face told him he should continue.
"I'm trying to picture the nice man who captured the affections of a young Princess."
She gave out a small sigh, but kept her air light. "If you must know, and we're sharing, his name was Kier."
"Ki-er…" He uttered every syllable wrong as his eyebrows crossed. "What kind of a name is…"
Her fingers interrupted with a pinch on his upper arm. He didn't flinch his body, but his face scrunched in discomfort and surprise at her action.
"Sorry, continue."
She continued, her arm falling back to her lap. "He was from Alderaan. We were in the Apprentice Legislature together."
"Was he cute?"
She acted like she was insulted he even had to ask. "Of course he was. I'm hopelessly attracted to sexy men."
Gods, she kept him on his toes. "I'll keep that in mind." He smirked, gladly taking the backhanded compliment. "What happened to him?"
He wished he didn't ask. Her playful mood fell almost instantly, not into despair but into a slump. It wasn't an attractive look on her and he hated to spark it in any way.
"Were you in love with him?" He whispered.
"I could have been." Her head lifted, a forlorn expression overtaking her. "He died in an explosion during an Alliance evacuation. He shouldn't have been there." She clicked her tongue on her teeth. "But it turns out he was planning on turning over doctored Alliance documents to the Empire to try and protect Alderaan from their ire."
He followed her short saga of almost love and betrayal. He paid particular attention to the part about protecting Alderaan. There was only one thing he could think of to say. "I'm sorry."
"Maybe it's good he didn't live to see what I did to our home planet." Her voice hardened with accusation, aimed at herself. "It was just as he feared and predicted."
Han didn't have to think before responding casually, like it would be crazy to contradict him. "It wasn't your fault, Leia."
He could tell the moment she decided she was done talking about this. It was as if a switch was flipped and her grim mood turned playful again. "Enough about me and my singular romantic encounter. Your turn."
She shuffled in her seat as her attitude changed, both her legs curling onto the sofa as her bent arm supported her head against the back of the seat.
He was ready to meet her level of openness as he started his own story. "There was a girl"
"A girl?" Leia knew him pretty well to question the singularity of that sentence.
"Okay, so there was more than one," he admitted slightly abashed. "But I guess you could say there was really only one."
Yes. When accounting for all the romantic encounters in Han Solo's life there was only one that touched him on an emotional note. And that one was the hardest to speak about.
"We were both scumrats workin' for the White Worms gang."
"On Corellia?"
"Yeah," he nodded, thinking back to his time spent on that infested planet after his father abandoned him and he was left to fend for himself. Left on his own to escape that life. "We were in our early 20's when we planned our escape. Almost went off perfectly. But I got out, she didn't."
He tried to keep his voice casual, but he felt the hints of emotion seeping through.
"What was her name?"
He hadn't vocalized the name in so long. "Qi'ra."
He watched as Leia's head tilted, further falling into the palm of her hand. "It's a pretty name."
Yeah, it was. "Name suited her."
"What happened?"
"Took me three years, Imperial Academy, infantry, tryin' to make enough money to go back to Corellia. Get her out."
He sighed, glancing down at the sleeping babe as he thought of how to continue.
"Then I found her… at the right hand of Crimson Dawn."
Of course the prominent leader in the galaxy knew of it. "The slave trading crime syndicate."
He nodded again, slowly. Apparently he still found it hard to comprehend the life his former lover found. He thought back to the moment he first saw her again, his elation at finally finding her. "I thought we still had a chance. I left Corellia wanting to be free. But I was never really free. She was… what I was living for."
It suddenly seemed like deja vu, him giving up his own life and freedom for a woman, only to discover…
"She didn't love me enough." He finished his own thought out loud. "Not as much as I loved her."
And now, he was done talking about this. He made his own move to parrot hers where he lifted himself metaphorically from the dark well he was going down and popped onto the surface where there was light and humor.
"Also she couldn't co-pilot the Falcon," he shared with an incredulous shake of his head.
He felt the shift in the cushions behind him. Then he felt her knees finally making contact with his thigh as she moved closer, her hand snaking around his back to his shoulder, her thumb lightly pressing into the flesh.
"You are still cautious with your heart."
"What?" He said lightly and quietly, knowing she would never believe it. "Nah. I got over it."
"Sure you did." Her snicker was accurate.
His head turned deliberately, finding hers closer than he expected, her chin all but brushing his shoulder. Her potent eyes were filled with tenderness and understanding and compassion and…
His forehead dropped, falling easily against hers. He closed his eyes, there was nothing more his vision could do for him at this point.
He felt her breath against his cheek as she rubbed her forehead against his, her hand pressing deeper into his shoulder to bring her own body closer while her other hand grasped his opposite bicep.
"You love completely, Han. Fully and completely."
Her voice was soft against his skin. Like a balm that would heal any and all past wounds inflicted on his outer and inner self.
"And I want to give back all that you are willing to give."
She wasn't going to disappoint him. She wasn't Qi'ra. He felt the devotion of her words as her head fell to his shoulder, pressing her lips against his upper arm as she settled against him.
She opened the door, and he was ready to take full advantage of her offering.
Keeping his arms around his sleeping daughter, he moved to reciprocate her affection. Opening his eyes again, he took in the sight of her against him. He thought of Qi'ra, of his years at the academy, of the betrayal, of finally living for himself only to be drawn back in by a shaggy looking kid and a bossy Princess. All culminating at this precise moment.
His head leaned down, his mouth making contact with her temple as he placed a reverent, lingering kiss.
This… this was worth waiting for.