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"Dyad's Blessing, Dyad's Curse"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 40

As the sun went down, Ben talked.

He gave names of planets that had First Order bases, planet leaders that were First Order sympathizers, even speculations about what their future plans might have been. By the time he was finished, his throat was parched, but fortunately the warden provided a glass of cold water. The whole time, the generals recorded the conversation on their datapads and kept their faces stoic, as if they were playing sabacc and trying to bluff their opponents.

"One more thing," said General Finn. "We are trying to fund a program to reunite stormtroopers with their families. I know there were stormtrooper training facilities scattered at various locations around the galaxy, but I don't know where all of them were. Any information you can give would be helpful."

Ben took a deep breath, gulping down the last of his water. "I know there was a stormtrooper facility on Teth and another on Felucia. There were others too, but I don't know the locations or how many there were since I wasn't very involved in the stormtrooper program. You might actually have more luck asking stormtroopers themselves where they were trained."

The two generals glanced at each other and Ben sensed their disappointment. "Well," said Dameron, "thank you. We'll let you know if we need anything else."

Now the guards would put his hands back in the binders and lead him back to the cell, but before they could do so, D-O stretched his head up once again.

"Helping," he chirped. "Helping."

. . .

"Lights out" wasn't really lights out – it just meant the ceiling lights in the halls and the cells were turned off. The red glow of the forcefield was still very much active, piercing into Ben's eyes even when they were closed, even when he was turned around to face the wall. The bunk only had one blanket and one pillow and there were no nightclothes in sight, so Ben had stripped down to the regulation undershirt and briefs to sleep, though the single blanket was letting air through, making him shiver and almost wish he had kept the uniform on for warmth.

Was he allowed to ask for another blanket? Was he allowed to ask for anything?

He felt like an invisible weight was crushing his body, leaving him only able to take short, gasping breaths. "Mom? Dad?" he whispered again. "Can you hear me? Please, I need you. I don't . . . I don't know what to do."

His parents remained silent, but the familiar twitch in his senses occurred, which at least enabled him to take a long, relieved exhale.

"Rey . . ."

Rey put a gentle hand on his head, running her fingers through his hair. "Are you all right?"

"I'm cold."

He opened his eyes just in time to see her attempting to cover him with her own blanket, her face glowing that eerie shade of red. "Here, you can have . . ."

"No," Ben interrupted. "If we're caught passing stuff through the Force, we'll both get in trouble."

"Well at least let me keep you warm for now." She spread half the blanket over him while still covering herself with the other half. "See? This way the blanket should stay with me when you disappear and no one else should see anything."

Despite the circumstances, Ben couldn't suppress a tiny grin. "All right, I guess that works." He couldn't deny that the extra warmth felt nice.

"At least something made you smile," said Rey, giving her own tiny grin. "I like your smile."

"And I like yours."

Her smile suddenly faded. "Ben . . . I've been thinking . . . about last night."

"What?" Ben asked. I don't love you, he imagined her saying, the thought making his stomach twist even though his logical mind said that would be for the best.

Rey let out a small sigh, taking a sudden interest in her fingers. "I like . . . this," she said, pointing whole-handedly at herself and then Ben. "Touching. Hugging. Cuddling. Even that kiss . . . but, well, I thought a lot about it today. I imagined going further than that kiss – with you, with Finn, with others, male and female both, and . . ." She swallowed. ". . . the whole idea of doing it with anyone just wasn't appealing. It felt like I was trying to like a food that I just plain didn't like." Ben thought he saw tears pricking the edges of her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you or Finn or anyone, but I think I'm . . . asexual."

The word hung in the air, numbing Ben's mind and causing his jaw to drop slightly. Whatever he had expected her to say, it certainly wasn't this.

"I'm sorry," she said, as if her sexuality was her fault. "It's not the sort of thing you have much time to think about when you're a scavenger or a Jedi trainee, but now that I have thought about it, I realized that I've never felt the urge people talk about." She swallowed a sob, reminding him of when she'd begged him not to take over the galaxy. "It doesn't mean I don't love you – I'm still not sure about that – but . . ."

Ben gazed into her beautiful eyes as she trailed off, wishing he knew what to say. "Don't . . . don't apologize. It's not something to be ashamed of."

She sniffled. "Look at me, here I am talking about my sexuality with you in prison, what kind of a friend does that?"

"An honest friend," said Ben, putting his hand on her cheek. "I mean, how many times has the Force linked us in bed with neither of us wanting to get sexual?"

Rey smirked slightly. "We were fighting on opposite sides of a war some of those times."

"Not recently, though." Ben took a deep breath, a sudden realization hitting him. "Maybe . . . maybe I'm asexual too."

She wrinkled her nose. "Ben, you don't have to say you're asexual just to make me feel better."

"No, no, hear me out. I didn't exactly get much opportunity to date first as a Jedi trainee and then as a Knight of Ren, but I never really wanted to date either." He cupped his hand around her ear. "I've had fantasies, I won't deny that, but I haven't felt any urge to act them out in reality."

Rey blinked at him as if seeing him for the first time. "So . . . this doesn't change anything?"

"Why would it change anything?"

She gulped. "I don't know . . . I'm still processing it, I guess, and some people think asexuals just need to find the right person to have sex with and then they'll be cured . . ."

"Rey!" exclaimed Ben. "There is nothing wrong with you. People can go their entire lives without having sex and still have full, happy lives."

Finally she was smiling again, her fingers brushing his cheek. "Thank you. Thank you for understanding." She wrapped her arm around him. "I still like this, though. This is enough."

Ben closed his eyes, smiling as he absorbed her embrace. "Yes," he murmured. "This is enough."