AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

"Dyad's Blessing, Dyad's Curse"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 45

Even though the Force frequently linked Rey and Ben when she didn't want to link, he was nowhere to be seen now that she did want to link. She waited for him during lunch, while exercising in the hotel's gym, during dinner, nothing. For the whole day, she periodically repeated My name is Rey, I grew up on Jakku in her head in case another identity slip happened.

She went to bed with her stomach in a knot, expecting Ben to appear next to her like he'd done so many nights before, but still there was nothing. My name is Rey. I grew up on Jakku. She blinked up into the darkness, pressing the words into her head even though she knew they might not remain once sleep claimed her. My name is Rey. I grew up on Jakku. My parents saved me from Emperor Palpatine. She took in one deep breath, then another, as if deep breaths would protect her from forgetting who she was. My name is Rey, my name is Rey, my name is . . .

Finally the twitch.

She rolled over and there was Ben, his face glowing in the Coruscant city lights. "Rey," he whispered.

The next thing she knew, he threw his arms around her, squeezing her as if she were the only thing keeping him alive, his body shaking against hers. She could feel sweat soaking through his undershirt and drenching his arms. "Are you all right?" she whispered.

"No," Ben muttered into her neck. "Ever since you left I've been alone!"

"Alone?"

"The guards serve me meals in this damn cell without talking to me." He sounded like he was swallowing a sob. "A-and I saw other prisoners getting to leave their cells for meals or other stuff – I'm the only one who had meals brought to the cell!"

"Well . . . you got to leave when you gave us information." The words sounded feeble coming out of her mouth.

"That doesn't mean they won't keep me in here now!" His voice became faster, more desperate. "I'm too dangerous to be allowed out, too dangerous to even interact with other prisoners!"

Rey swallowed, running her fingers through his damp hair. "Maybe . . . maybe you can negotiate for time out of your cell."

"Negotiate?"

"Well, I'd think that keeping you in the cell all the time would count as prisoner abuse . . . wouldn't it? I don't know, maybe not, but there should be something we can do!" She pulled out of the embrace, looking into his vulnerable eyes. "I'll speak up for you, tell them you saved my life . . ."

Ben sighed, brushing his fingers behind her ear. "And how many people will believe you?"

"Maybe no one," said Rey, "but I can at least try."

"And what if they think Kylo Ren brainwashed you?"

Rey let out a sigh. "Some people probably already think that."

"What?"

Rey found herself telling him about the missed meeting and how rumors about her parentage had somehow gotten out, which left him staring at her in bewilderment.

"How did anyone find out . . . wait, there were several stormtroopers and First Order officers present when I told you . . . some of them could have told someone who told someone else . . ."

"It doesn't matter," said Rey. "What matters is that the word is out." She took a deep breath. "And . . . this morning . . ."

"I know," Ben said with a slow nod. "During the therapy appointment, there was . . . a moment . . . when I said my parents had left me on Jakku."

Rey nodded back, a lump in her throat. "And I had a moment where I broke down crying, thinking that I'd killed Han."

"I guess you don't have any idea what it means?"

"Maybe the Force is trying to drive us both crazy?" Rey tried to grin, but the attempt was futile. "Or maybe our souls are merging into one and we eventually won't be able to separate our identities."

Ben blinked at her as if trying to memorize her face. "No . . . no, your soul can't merge with mine! Your soul – it's too beautiful, it can't be tainted by darkness!"

"My soul isn't beautiful!" Rey insisted, her stomach twisting. "There's already plenty of darkness in it." She held up her hand in front of her face, remembering the lightning that had shot from it. "On Exegol – if you hadn't been there, I would have let Palpatine possess my body, I was going to do it before I saw you!"

"But you didn't."

"I stabbed you!"

"Then you healed me."

"Ben, please!" Rey abruptly pushed herself to a sitting position, bringing her knees to her chest. "I'm not a beacon of light, I'm not a beautiful soul, and if you think I am, you're setting yourself up for disappointment!"

Her breath shortened into tiny sobs, overtaking her to the point where she barely registered Ben sitting up and rubbing her back. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

Rey wiped her eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I just . . . I wish things were different."

Again Ben's strong arms were around her, pressing her against him. "So do I."

She let out an exhale, nestling herself into the embrace, feeling his heartbeat against her head, inhaling his scent. In a moment like this, she could easily believe that he was really here, that it wasn't just the Force connecting their souls, that he wasn't actually in a cold prison cell.

She wished she could forget that he wasn't really here.

"Rey?"

"Yes?"

Ben pulled out of the embrace, again looking into her eyes. "I was thinking about last night, how you said you were asexual, and I was wondering if I was too."

Rey wasn't sure whether to groan or smile. "Ben, I told you, you don't have to think you're asexual just because I am . . ."

"I'm not," said Ben. "I don't need to have sex. Sex isn't important to me, but . . ." His face suddenly looked shy, more boyish, almost panicked. ". . . but there is something I've been wanting to do since Exegol."

Rey's heart thumped – she didn't need the Force to figure out what he wanted. "You want to kiss again, don't you?"

It was difficult to tell in the dim light, but Rey thought she saw a hint of blush in his cheeks. "Yes . . . but only if you want it too."

Did she? Rey gulped, remembering the kiss on Exegol and how right it felt but also wondering if it had been the dyad controlling her to feel that. That kiss had been an act of impulse – but this wouldn't be. If she kissed him now, it wouldn't be out of gratitude for saving her life or happiness that he had conquered the dark side – and even though her rational mind knew that kissing him a second time didn't mean they were bound in unbreakable love for the rest of their lives, it still felt like this was a moment of decision.

A moment of decision . . .

She leaned closer and closer, closing her eyes . . .

Their lips touched.

An explosion of emotion flowed through her as the kiss deepened and they threw their arms around each other. Her heart raced and her head spun, but not with any desire to yank his clothes off – simply with the desire to remain in this moment for as long as possible, to feel Ben in her spirit.

When they pulled out, there was that smile again – that beautiful smile she'd first seen on Exegol, and even without the Force she would have known what he was going to say next.

"I love you," he whispered.

There they were. Those words were out in the open, making Rey's ears feel numb. Her heart was beating so hard that it felt like it was trying to break out of her chest. Was the dyad making her feel like this? Would she feel like this if they weren't connected?

How would she even know?

"I-I . . . I know." The words came out in a rasp.

Now his smile grew even wider, his eyes glistening. "Did Mom tell you about . . ."

". . . how your father said that in the carbon freezer and it became their personal way to express love after that, yes," mumbled Rey.

"Well . . . did you mean it that way?"

She stared into those eyes that had captivated her even when they were enemies, feeling like she was about to jump in cold water but at the same time feeling that this was right.

"Yes."

They kissed again.