AN: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!
"Dyad's Blessing, Dyad's Curse"
By EsmeAmelia
Chapter 53
Ava Calrissian.
Jannah repeated the name over and over again in her head as she sat at the table next to Lando . . . her father . . . who had been crying for several minutes, only able to say "Ava" several times. Rose and Pooja had left the room to give them some time alone, but now she was wishing Rose were here. Ava Calrissian. Could she fit that name with herself? For most of her life she had been TZ-1719 until she rebelled and picked the name Jannah for herself. Did she have room for a third name?
Ava Calrissian.
"I'm sorry," Lando finally choked out, wiping his eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. I should've protected you better."
"Gen . . . Dad." The word felt foreign. "There's nothing to be sorry about. It wasn't your fault."
Lando sniffled again, staring into his daughter's eyes. "The First Order officers . . . I tried to fight them, but there were too many of them and they . . . they held me down and made me watch as they took you away . . . you were crying so hard and I couldn't do a thing to comfort you." Another sob escaped. "Then they thanked me for my contribution to the galaxy, as if I'd given you up willingly . . ."
He buried his face in his hands, crying again, and Jannah found herself instinctively wrapping her arms around him. "It's all right," she whispered. "I'm here now."
With that, he threw his own arms around her, squeezing her with a tightness like he was trying to make up for over two decades' worth of hugs. He smelled of freshly-washed fabric and a musky cologne – she wondered if she would have associated that smell with love and comfort if she had grown up as Ava Calrissian.
His eyes were still glistening when they pulled out of the embrace. "I wish . . . I wish I knew what to do, how to start over . . . I mean, they take a baby and I get back a grown woman."
"Well," Jannah said in an awkward voice, "maybe you could start by telling me about my mother? I know she died, but what was her name?"
A sad smile pulled at Lando's lips. "Gemma," he said, wiping his eyes again. "We were friends with benefits, not in love, but when she told me she was pregnant, I told her we'd work together and I'd be the best dad I knew how to be even if we didn't get married." He sniffled again. "I dunno if we would've ever gotten married or not – you came early and there were complications with your birth and well . . . she didn't survive." Another sniffle. "Suddenly I was a full-time single dad."
"I'm sorry." It was the only thing Jannah could think of saying.
Again he wiped his red eyes, a slight smile on his face. "Her last words to me were 'I regret nothing.' She loved you so much."
Jannah's mind felt blank. "I-I . . . I don't know what we're supposed to do now." Suddenly a torrent of words burst from her mouth. "I mean, who would Ava Calrissian have been if she'd never been stolen? Would I have different favorite foods, different skills, different likes and dislikes? Would Ava Calrissian want Ben Solo set free because they grew up together or would she feel so betrayed that she wouldn't want to ever look at him again?" She swallowed. "I don't know Ava Calrissian!"
Lando took a deep breath. "Well I can tell you a bit about Ava Calrissian. She's a brave, fierce young warrior who rebelled against what she'd been taught in order to do the right thing and I'm very proud to be her dad."
. . .
When the guards told Ben he had a visitor, he was expecting Rey or Chewie, but not his doctor. In fact, he hardly recognized Renda when she was wearing a simple red t-shirt and black skirt instead of her doctor's uniform, her green skin tinted red from the forcefield.
"Renda," he said awkwardly, "nice to see you."
Renda gave her warm smile. "Nice to see you too."
"How's your daughter doing?"
"She's doing okay – at least as okay as anyone can be in juvenile hall," said Renda with a slight glance at the floor. "She thought it was really cool that I got to take care of you in the hospital. I think she finds you fascinating." She cleared her throat. "How are you doing?"
Ben shrugged. "I could be worse, I guess. They're feeding me well enough and Rey and I have been having hypnotherapy sessions together."
"You have? How have those been going?"
Ben shrugged again. "Hard to say. Remembering them is like remembering a dream, but near the end of every session, before we wake up, we keep hearing all these kids screaming and our counselor has no idea what it means."
Renda's mouth twisted from side to side. "Kids screaming, huh? Well, I don't know much about the Force, but if I were Force-sensitive, I might think you were supposed to help these kids. Have you tried talking to them?"
"I don't think so. I mean, we can't even see them."
"Can you make out any words in their screams?"
"Not that I know of. I mean, Ben and I started having these hypnotherapy sessions because we've been having moments where we think we're each other but instead we're hearing these screams . . ."
"Ben and I?" Renda's eyes bulged.
"No . . . I . . . AUGH!" He buried his face in his hands. "See, this keeps happening! I don't know what to do!"
For several moments he heard nothing except the low hum of the forcefield, but then his doctor finally said, "Ben, look at me."
With a deep breath, he slowly looked up at his doctor, whose warm eyes were gazing at him with a compassionate expression. "I don't have the Force," she said, "but remember what I told you before about how running from a problem doesn't solve it? When are you supposed to have your next hypnotherapy session?"
"This afternoon."
"Well that's perfect," said Renda. "If you want my advice, I'd suggest that if you hear the kids this afternoon, try to talk to them – and tell Rey to try talking to them too."
Ben ran his teeth over his lower lip. "I might not remember that when I'm under."
"Well, just see if you do." Renda smiled at him. "Who knows, maybe this will be a way to prove to the Resistance that you've left Kylo Ren behind."