A/N: Hey there, sorry this chapter took so long to come out. I totally forgot it was kitten season so I've been fostering kittens for a few months but they are now off to good homes and I can focus on other things.
TW: Mentions of suicide.
"I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything 'til I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today."
Somewhere I Belong- Linkin Park, "Meteora"
Chapter 5: Sunny with a Chance of Projectile Brooms
Wednesdays were usually his days off, so he was more than relieved to know he was able to sleep in. He was so comfortable, almost too comfortable in fact and he didn't remember his bed being this comfortable and his flat usually didn't smell like someone had drowned themselves in cologne.
It didn't really matter though, he just knew he should focus on drifting back to that deep sleep again but soon realized his body was only growing more awake and he was hungry, very hungry and really, his flat did smell quite different, nothing like stale sunshine or the neighbor's fry up and his mattress was thin, it had never felt so soft and the blankets were almost velvety, the sheets smelling so clean and had he ever been able to hear birds chirping so nearby? Where was the sound of vehicles, the noisy passing garbage collectors or some drunk man singing in the street?
What the hell was vibrating against his head?
"You should wake up and remember you are at school now and your classes await you."
Harry shot up so fast from his bed that it scared his new cat companion who had been fast asleep on his pillow just as he, a second ago, had his face smooshed into it, completely oblivious to everything with her thoughts of stacked hotcakes smothered in syrup and butter butting into his own sluggish thoughts.
"What…?" Harry muttered as one of his eyes was still closed. He groped for his glasses which he found on the nightstand and put them on and the day's direct sunlight made him squint, the flurry of dust motes caught in its rays that outlined the empty circle of beds.
He was the only one in this new dorm room that was added to Gryffindor tower for the repeats. He let his eyes wander and sure enough, every bed was empty. He checked his watch in a panic whose hands showed: 8:15 am.
"You gotta be kidding me," he let out as he threw off his blankets and scrambled off the high bed that he wasn't used to. "Why the hell didn't you wake me up, Sable!? Why didn't anyone wake me up!?"
"You were exhausted so I did not think it was that bad of an issue to let you sleep," she answered and made a yawning sound.
Don't lie, you were asleep too! This is bad!
"Why is that?" she trailed as he went through his wardrobe and grabbed his uniform and shoes and tossed them onto the bed and his school bag followed.
"You should be a little more bothered! I won't have any time to eat!"
What? What time are these classes?
Nine am! Harry replied angrily in his head as he zoomed into the restroom with his toiletry bag.
"Oh my god…" he said distressingly as he gaped at his reflection and Sable immediately began giggling in his head.
His bed head was the worst it had been in his entire life. Lately, he kept his hair very short on the sides and back to keep it under control and a few inches on top, his fringe swept neatly to one side. He liked the new style but he had forgotten to get it touched up before leaving for good from his flat and the muggle world and had gone to bed before drying his hair from the shower the night before.
But that still didn't explain the chaos that was his hair at the moment. It looked so unruly, sticking up whichever way and no matter what he did to fix it with a comb and water it was refusing to cooperate and he had no time to fuss over it.
With frustration brewing in his hands, he brushed his teeth and got out of his pajamas and into his uniform and did his tie the best he could. Almost forgetting his bag and with a racing heart, he rushed down to the clearly empty common room that looked like a raging wind had blown through it because of the late party that had endured the night before that he took no participation in.
Honestly, it had gotten so loud that he was surprised McGonagall hadn't broken the Fat Lady's portrait down to rebuke their careless disrespect of Gryffindor House on the first night of the first term. But, if given the chance and if Draco hadn't been acting like a complete arsehole, he would have tried to sneak away with the Slytherin and have a celebration of their own. He had just grown so accustomed to it.
That thought was all too fleeting as he bolted with record speed down the flights of stairs, jumping when he could, to the entrance hall where he was too out of breath. He took a moment to collect himself, to pointlessly smooth down his hair with his palms, before walking normally into a lively Great Hall filled with chattering students who were enjoying their breakfast, their timetables already in hand.
The energy about the place seemed stronger than what he was used to. He remembered why. The exchange students were here, they were doing beautifully and fitting in and making new friends. Before Harry could get his bearings, his name was being called:
"Oh, Potter, Mr. Potter!" Headmistress McGonagall was hurrying over to him, her robes in a flurry, her raven feather bobbing with her busy aura. When she reached him in the aisle her skepticism over his hair was too noticeable and Harry felt the heat rise in his ears and noticed Henry the cat, who he had forgotten about, waiting near his feet.
"You're late to breakfast, Mr. Potter," she scolded gently and in the same breath followed with: "But I assume you slept well, which is good. Here is your class schedule. Because of your tardiness, I took the liberty of consulting with Ms. Weasley. She seemed to be aware of the courses you were interested in taking. I'm pleased to see you're continuing with Potions. Have a good morning, Potter, I'll see you in class."
"Yes, Headmistress…" Harry mumbled and had to step aside since she was already calling after another student.
"She is so astute. What a capable woman and a fine witch. I like her presence very much."
Harry ignored her as he discreetly found a seat at Gryffindor table. His eyes automatically scanned the Ravenclaw table and found Luna who was, once again, being talked to by the Japanese boy. Feeling defeated much too soon on this new day, Harry tried to focus on eating a filling breakfast that was influenced by the three new countries as well.
Archer from the Roswell school, who looked all too refreshed, was getting another round of curious attention, mostly from girls. Harry tried miserably to fix his hair again and his free hand, who Sable was in charge of, was feeding him the fluffiest looking pancake he'd ever seen.
"Too delicious," she remarked happily and Harry struggled to keep his facial muscles from mimicking her bubbly emotions.
"Good morning, Harry," the Icelandic twin suddenly greeted him from his right side where he could have sworn or rather, was way too sure of, that a first year was sitting there and gazing at him with sparkling eyes as he ate.
"Good morning, Sigurður," he greeted back and the burly young man smacked his back with more force than the night before causing his goblet of orange juice to slosh.
"Your hair looks like you have been out in such blustery weather, my friend," Sigurður said and gave a deep laugh. His voice was so virile, almost booming to Harry's ears. "I like it."
"Thank…you…" Harry managed as the young man gripped his shoulder firmly before returning to his breakfast.
"I cannot discern if he is demonstrating kindness or intimidation towards you…" Sable stated. "But he would also be a suitable ma—"
No! I'm not letting you finish that sentence!
"But he is astounding to look at," she went on with too much admiration and Harry was trying to drown her out with gibberish words. "Compared to him you are a songbird. Look at his arms…It is a shame your physiques are so different—"
You have ten minutes left to eat Harry grumbled his replying thought.
"Curses. I do not appreciate having another strict schedule to follow. This is a terrible downside to you continuing your education here. You could study anywhere. You do not have to be bound by this castle, however glorifying it is to look at. The world is at your feet and there are thousands of wizards and witches out there that carry such valuable teachings—stop ignoring me, you simpleton!"
Don't call me simpleton Harry argued as he was taking the time during her long chastisement to read his timetable. He was glad that Ginny, who was preoccupied with talking to the diligent girl from Yukiguni, had helped choose his classes in his stead. He was confident they matched Luna's and was only somewhat bothered that Advanced Divination was on the list as an extracurricular. There was Muggle Studies, Care of Magical Creatures, Defense, Charms, Transfiguration and Potions. Potions was first on his schedule for the day and he could feel the anxiety swell up in his chest.
"Why do you wish to form a camaraderie with that man in black?" Sable asked as his mouth was full with a large bite from a gooey cinnamon roll.
Because… Harry sighed inwardly. It feels…wrong not to personally thank him…To leave things like that…with him…
"Why do you picture his dying form so clearly? It will make you sick. It has made you ill in the past…" Her voice was too soothing in contrast with the negative thoughts that were swarming like wasps in his head. "Before I possessed you…you would wake up sick and not eat for a whole day…and run for far too long into the late night and lay sleepless in that lonely room with shadows for your company…"
Please don't see those memories… Harry thought dully.
"I see them when I sleep sometimes…I cannot control it when our dreams swap like they do…" Her voice was gentle and kind and Harry's heart was cramped, his fingers numbing.
I'm sorry…I didn't…know that was happening…
"Do not express your regrets. I do not mind it. If my dreams comfort you at night, if they allow you to sleep without disturbances, then it is beneficial to your body being capable of housing me. If you lack sleep, it will hinder us both, Harry. My magic has barely recovered. It will take time. So, you must eat well and sleep and do your best to avoid all these disturbing corners of your mind. Create new experiences. Try to be bold, for I enjoy seeing the world through your eyes."
The heat in his face surprised him and he didn't even notice at first when Hermione sat by him with such haste, her hefty book bag practically causing everyone's plates and goblets to clatter over the table.
"Harry," she stressed. "Where have you been? You've got icing all over your mouth and your hair…it's…different…"
"Uh…I…" he fumbled and reached for a napkin that she was already grabbing and using to wipe at his mouth before rummaging through her bag and pulling out a small hairbrush. "I overslept and my cat…"
"Your cat? You have a cat?" she said quickly as he winced against the hard bristles against his scalp. He heard the staticky noise through his hair and Hermione's expression grew contrite. "Oh, it's making it worse…Didn't any of the boys wake you up?"
"Uh…maybe they tried but I was…uh…really tired," Harry replied as he was looking around for Henry and spotted the cat towards the end of the table eating some of the grilled mackerel. "Ah…Crap…Hermione, was there something you wanted to tell me?" He felt flustered, not only from her motherly actions but from Sable's words and the fact that he could hear people wondering whose cat was it that was causing mischief.
"Oh, right," Hermione said and raised a finger up as if mimicking the lightbulb that popped back in her head. "Did you get your schedule ok? McGonagall's asked me to doublecheck and triple check since we have the exchange students and extra seventh years."
"I have it," he answered.
"Good," she smiled. He noticed she was wearing light eyeshadow and lip gloss and her hair was smoothly waved and in a pretty braided ponytail. "Oh, your tie, here." And he tensed up as she undid his poorly made tie and fixed it easily. Even though it had been a whole summer after their camping alone together, he was used to her looking out for him. She was better at cooking their food and washing their clothes and trying to brighten the gloomy atmosphere in that tent despite her broken heart.
"Well, you should get to Potions," she said happily. "I'm going to make sure the first years know where they're going and I'll be right behind you."
He watched her hurry off and could only admire her thoroughness and counted Gryffindor House lucky that she was Head Girl. Harry tried to seem casual as he walked over to the werecat and gingerly picked him up but that proved to be a mistake because all it earned him was a harsh swat to the face and many surprised glances as he dropped the cat who sauntered off down the aisle.
"Why is that mongrel so unpredictable?"
I wish I knew… Harry rubbed at his stinging face as many giggles were coming from a group of fifth year girls nearby. Plenty of students were beginning to gather their bags and books and head towards the entrance hall. Harry could see the boys from his year up ahead who were laughing and prodding at each other.
Malfoy was easy to make out among the throng because he was tall and because of his platinum hair but there was no way for Harry to get to him. He absentmindedly kept his sight on some nerve riddled first year Ravenclaw boys who were being bossed around by a first year girl who was letting them know she had already memorized where everything was. Judging by the boy's uninspired expressions, it wasn't the first time she had bragged about it.
Harry smiled automatically at the scene but felt his body move swiftly to his right, his shin hitting the hard bench and a hand snatched up another cinnamon roll.
Sable! Would you stop taking control without warning me!
"You have time to eat and walk," she claimed as she still had power over his form.
Let me walk! I don't move my legs like this!
"What? Like a woman?" she taunted.
Sable!
"Fine, fine. You need to…how do you say it? Lighten up…You are so…uptight."
She gave back control of his legs as she ate the frosted treat.
I am not.
"You are…You are happier when you consume alcohol," Sable said pompously. "You find so many things amusing with your tall, debonair friend. You feel this way this morning because he is avoiding you and you do not want to accept that he is avoiding you."
I don't care…He's being a git… Harry started down the stone steps that led to the murky dungeons of Hogwarts, ignoring the cluster of voices ahead of him.
"He cares for your reputation…" she continued even though he didn't want to listen. "He knew all along that he would evade you like this. He had one final enjoyable outing with you before cutting you out. You grew attached to someone with a capricious heart. He is quite noble in his own way."
I can take care of myself… Harry thought heatedly. He's doing unnecessary things…and I'm not attached.
"Of course you are…" Sable kept taunting. Why was she in this sort of mood today? Throwing around his emotions like a battering sea? "You are on the verge of tears…It is stifling, I told you to be more cheerful." And she forced a smile on his face.
Let go! Why are you being such a brat!?
She relinquished full control back to him and Harry gripped his bag's strap tightly in annoyance.
"Your mood is terrible today…It is so potent that it is dampening my own."
Well maybe you should have possessed someone happier he seethed at her.
"Hmph," was all she responded with.
When Harry reached the outside of the Potion's classroom, he was the last in the lineup of students who were waiting to be marked present on their Professor's attendance sheet. Harry's body went mostly rigid as he glanced over the man who held a clipboard and a quill in his hands. He followed his stare onto Luna and Ginny who were up ahead and noticed that the Alabama boy was in front of him.
As the quiet line shortened his trepidation grew worse and he kept reminding himself to breathe. He could only stare at the tanned neck of his American classmate and before he knew it the boy was entering the potions lab. He was about to follow right behind him, keeping his eyes away from his dark clad teacher but at the same time daring himself to meet those inky depths.
He tried only to think of how he wanted a seat next to Luna, reminding himself of the ultimate goal, the purpose of all of this. He repeated it many times, such a lovestruck distraction from his rising heartrate. Before he could even put one foot near the threshold, Professor Snape with all his evident changes, stepped in front of him, a sudden barrier between him and the classroom. Harry was so focused on his mantra that he almost walked into the man.
"You are not on my class roster," Snape said quite flatly.
It had been a long time since he had heard that languid voice so encumbered with contempt. He tried not to picture the gruesome image that strangled his thoughts through the man's entire trial. The amount of spattered and gushing blood, the heat of it against his skin, the grappling pain that was so evident in the man's body as he fought with such final breaths to give him those memories.
And in the end, because surely he thought it was Severus Snape's end, all he could do was comply to his last request. The truth was easy to understand, too obvious to know what his eyes offered that dying man. Even though, at the time, his heart had been filled with spite for the such a man, he couldn't help but believe it was such an unfair death and now he knew that things weren't always what they seemed to be.
Could Harry call that feeling forgiveness? He didn't know at all. But there was a hatchet that needed to be buried and yet his courage was so shriveled up these days and he was here, back in this castle, for such selfish reasons.
"Uh…um…" he was stammering and trying to put a brake on his dashing thoughts, his vision wobbly on the discernible scar that wasn't covered by the man's collar. Snape definitely seemed much healthier, as if he might have been appreciating his solitary life— "No, I am in this class…Headmistress McGonagall—"
"Have you gone deaf?" the resumed Potions Masters snapped in such a lethal tone and Harry felt like his breath had been knocked out of him.
"No, sir—"
"I will repeat it once more," Snape said through practically gritted teeth. "You are not in my class."
Before Harry could even open his mouth to work out a reply the man turned away and swiftly shut the thick door in his face, sending a resounding slam throughout the dim passage. Harry flinched against it and stood there alone as the awkwardness fell over him like a weighted net.
"Real mature…" Harry muttered to himself.
He managed to catch the Headmistress just as she was leaving the gargoyle statue that allowed entrance to her office. Even though she holstered many responsibilities that day as well as a class she was late to she heard him out. As soon as Harry explained what had happened her expression turned tart.
"Oh, that insufferable man!" she voiced tightly. "Doesn't he understand how to behave like a proper teacher should? He knows how busy I am and he still chooses to walk around with that wounded ego! It's all water under the bridge! It's ridiculous!"
He couldn't help but feel guilty that his only option was to tell on Snape but what else was there to do? The man had totally snubbed him, had pretended he wasn't on that list and even refused to call him by his name. What the hell was his problem? Didn't he at least have the decency to have an adult conversation with him? After all that had happened? What was left about Harry that could bother the man so much to the point of outright refusing to teach him?
"Headmistress," he said.
"I'll have to deal with this later, Potter," she hurried. "Don't worry over it, I have a plan."
"Uh…ok…" Harry replied before she was practically power walking down the corridor.
"That shadow of a man was entirely rude," Sable spoke to him as he wandered off to the library to attempt to learn whatever he could of the new curriculum himself from his textbook. "He is so skilled at protecting his mind I could scarcely hear a thing…"
You tried to read his mind?
"Of course I did," she said as Harry sat down in a far corner where the sunlight was beaming in. He honestly hated how confining the dungeons made him feel, especially now. He stared out at the clear sky and sighed. The library was empty and all too silent. "The question is, why is he masking his intimidation with cruelty?"
Intimidation? Harry repeated.
"You did not notice? Well, you were equally intimidated. His scornful behavior towards you is usually less vicious. He was utterly unprepared for you. I can assure you; he was dreading that moment just as much as you were."
I don't get it…
"Well, did you not expose his eternal love that he harbored for your mother to an entire group of people?"
Harry dropped his potions book onto the floor instead of the study desk as her shocking observation hit him. He was practically floored by it.
"You are quite daft. It never even crossed your mind. He has every right to continue his disdain for you. You now wield more than enough ammunition to exact revenge against the deplorable way he treated you all those years."
But I would never do anything like that! I had to make it clear to Voldemort that Snape was—
"But it is a shame since your only focus is your own love that you have been obsessed with. You have not even birthed a miniscule amount of sympathy towards the repercussions that could befall this man simply because he survived."
That's not true! I tried to have a conversation with him after his hearing, I don't want people to discriminate—
"Have you ever even questioned whether or not he wanted to survive?"
Harry sat there in the sunshine, his mind buzzing from the sheer quiet that surrounded him.
He…Of course he wanted to live…
"How would you know? You do not know that brooding man at all. You own his fractured memories. Proof of such an expendable existence. You unknowingly comforted him because he could picture your mother through your eyes. Time and time again, he did that in perfect harmony while bullying you relentlessly. How conflicted he must have felt, fully aware of such a strange contradiction."
I didn't really want to think about it…
"It is almost painful how easily you defend him. I will remind you once more. You do not know the sort of man he is. His love for your mother was beyond an obsession."
Sable, enough—
"He saw her as if she were a prized trophy he wished to keep to himself. When he was a boy, he had no understanding of the respect she deserved. You believe yourself to be similar to that man but that is false."
I don't want to hear anymore—
"The compassion you have carried all your life is proof of that and he refused to see it. You were never anything more than your father's replica in his mind. He is even more insecure than you are. You do not owe him a single moment of your time—"
I know that… The irritation he was feeling was so muddled with his conflicting emotions that arose because of her interpretation of Snape. He couldn't deny it at all; he just never wanted to confront it, never wanted to revisit those memories that more than anything just left him with a sense of grief. Snape had lived a life of regret and he only had himself to blame for those regrets.
People can change, Sable… Harry thought carefully. People can take accountability…They can do their best to right the wrongs they committed…That might not have been Snape's goal but…he did save people…He saved me…plenty of times…for selfish reasons or not…It doesn't matter…Whether he likes it or not, he's going to meet me halfway even if I have to drag him there myself.
"Honestly, you are such a stubborn thing."
I'll take that as a compliment.
When it came time for Charms Harry wasn't able to take the middle seat at his usual desk clump because Ginny got to it first. Luna sat to her left and he reluctantly sat on her right. The classroom was soon filled with conversation as the rest of the Seventh Years who had just got done with Potions took their seats.
"Harry? What happened? Why weren't you in class?" Ginny immediately asked him.
"Uh…It's just a misunderstanding with Snape," Harry fibbed. He had barely gotten any reading done because of Sable's interjections. "How was it?"
"Professor Snape was…his usual self, I guess?" she explained with a funny look. "He didn't look anyone in the eyes at all though and he was speaking a little too fast, he even copied a definition wrong on the board, Hermione had to point it out." She giggled at that.
Hermione was sat on the other side of the room towards the front with Ron. He briefly noticed Malfoy who was sat with Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson. Harry couldn't actually believe she had come back as well. The thought was somewhat nasty but he didn't care.
As he turned his focus on Professor Flitwick who arrived, Sigurður and his twin brother sat right in front of him. They were tall enough that Harry couldn't see the chalkboard. Ginny chuckled next to him since her view was also blocked.
"Shall I lend you my potions notes?" she whispered as Flitwick was starting his introduction for their last year of Charms and welcoming the exchange students.
"Uh…sure, thanks," Harry said and quickly took a peek at Luna who was taking her notebook out and a blue pencil pouch that was decorated with colorful fuzzy puff balls.
Ginny smiled sweetly and he almost flinched in response to her hand sneakily giving his thigh a squeeze under the desk before she retrieved her textbook and quill from her bag. The heat in his face could have been immeasurable. It must have been her way of reminding him what they had done in her bedroom weeks ago. Despite his aversion towards her flirtations, he couldn't deny that she was tenacious.
Harry waited for a remark from Sable but she was silent, so he assumed she had fallen asleep. Harry tried to wrangle his focus on the lesson that was beginning even though he had to lean his body to the right in order to see what the Professor was writing. He was also curious as to how the exchange students were doing and wondering how different their lessons were compared to the ones at Hogwarts.
It also didn't help that the cat was back somehow from wherever it had ventured off too after swatting at him. He was almost astounded at its audacity as it hopped on top of his desk and his notebook and stretched its whole body before curling up on his open Charms book to take a nap.
"Hermione told me you got a cat," Ginny whispered as her head was ducked. "He's...not what I expected."
"Uh…yeah, he's a little…eccentric," Harry replied. "And…kind of impolite."
Henry let her pet his head and the soft purrs the cat emitted were enough to make him sleepy. Rather than a difficult lesson it was actually quite silly. They were learning how to conjure bouquets of flowers and a stirring charm that was a versatile spell for the kitchen.
After jotting down the notes, he flipped through the textbook the best he could manage and noticed that many of the new spells would be useful around the house and few of the more complicated charms were ones he had seen Hermione perform during their months of camping.
He found his wand at the bottom of his bag and held it flimsily in his hand as he watched the blooming carnations that Luna was able to conjure. Ginny was full of praise and delight. It was a lighthearted atmosphere that swarmed over the entire room and a part of him wanted to be grateful for it.
There was no way to know if the other students involved in the battle were just good at hiding their apprehension to being at Hogwarts again. He understood that it wouldn't do any good for anyone to wallow in things but even so his "moving on" could only feel like avoidance to him. All this time he was only treading water.
"Aren't you going to try? You should try sunflowers," Ginny prompted. Professor Flitwick had Hermione pass around bowls and whisks or ladles to practice the stirring charm and her bowl was filled with pink rose petals. Laughter and sneezing was coming from where Ron and Seamus sat as it appeared that Dean was allergic to pollen. The Yukiguni girl that was sorted into Gryffindor was placing a flower crown on top of Seamus's head.
"Right…" Harry said softly. With all this flower talk going on his mind was steered towards the present he had made for Luna which was wrapped in a little box in his trunk. He held his wand more firmly and took in a silent deep breath but it still got stuck as his chest felt constricted. He gave his wand the proper swish and recited: "Orchideous…"
The stunted blast that emitted from the tip of his wand surprised everyone in the class including Professor Flitwick who almost toppled off his desk chair. Harry's attention wasn't on the sudden gasps or questions that piled up throughout the room. He could only focus on the smoke that trailed from the tiny fire Sigurður was snuffing out on his brother's cloak.
The compacted explosion had hit the young Icelandic man almost directly and Harry sat there, entirely stunned and unblinking, as Sigurður laughed with such energy at the blunder that had befallen his simmering brother. The cat remained unbothered, entirely preoccupied with his nap, its tail flicking lazily.
"I…I'm really sorry," Harry stuttered. "Is he—"
"Magnús is perfectly alright!" Sigurður bellowed humorously. "He has a hard head that's taken much stronger hits, hasn't it, brother?"
But it was awfully apparent that Magnús wasn't as carefree as his brother, no where near it as the lofty twin turned slowly to meet Harry's penitent expression. His blue eyes were piercing, his strong jaw tense, his face almost stone-like.
"It was…an accident…" Harry expressed. He realized his wrist and hand was stinging, his fingers trembling.
"Magnús," his twin warned but was still beaming at him. "Be cordial, you don't want Alda scolding you for picking fights, especially with Harry Potter."
His brother merely grunted before facing forward again. The embarrassment was evident in Harry's face as the rest of the class gradually returned their focus back to practicing.
"You did everything right," Ginny commented next to him as Sigurður gave him a nod before ruffling his brother's hair. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine…" Harry said but the day was already tiring him out and his stomach felt empty.
She plucked a rose petal from his messy hair. They had been blown away by the force of it. All her pink petals were strewn about, a few on the slumbering cat.
"You're still full of surprises, aren't you?" she joked.
"Sorry…" was all he could come up with.
Hey…
"What? I am focusing on eating at the moment since your time for lunch is not that long."
The fact that you're possessing me…is it messing with my magic?
"That is not possible," her reply was insipid even though she was happily enjoying a hamburger and fresh chips. He thought that by now her enthusiasm towards food would have calmed down but the lunch spread was nothing like he had seen before at Hogwarts. It wasn't close to being similar to the opening feast but there were so many different options compared to a normal lunch period.
You said…your own magic was recovering…So what if your stealing mine—
"How dare you accuse me of such a transgression? Stealing is beneath me—" She was livid at his accusation in unison with taking another bite of the burger which in Harry's opinion was more than delicious. He was also starting to think her fixation on good food was affecting him more.
You literally possessed me without my permission, you tricked me. Technically, it could be considered stealing!
"I have taught you how it works in the most simplified way so your simple mind could understand," she snipped. "I siphon off your body's strength. Not your magic. They are not the same. That energy not only safeguards your body from being destroyed by my presence but it is also restoring my magic that was depleted while I escaped the hunters."
And how do you expect me to trust that? Harry questioned deflatingly.
"Whether you trust me or not is of no concern to me," she replied coyly. "You are mine. Your body, your heart, your mind, your soul…They belong to me until I can go home again."
You know…just when I think you're starting to be nicer you go and say something like that…
"Do not pout, Harry," she mocked. "I merely like playing with you…"
Well, I don't like it…
"You are stressed…Stress impedes your concentration. Without concentration, magical spells can go awry."
Harry couldn't respond. It was difficult for him to accept that she was so in tune with all of him. There was no way to hide anything from her. That fact alone was enough to stress him out. Before she possessed him his thoughts were his and only his. Because of her there were times he felt claustrophobic in his own body.
Despite it being their lunch period before Transfiguration no one was sitting with him (not that he minded) well, if it were Luna, he would have liked that. Draco was no where to be seen. Hermione had left with Ron close at her side minutes ago and the rest of the Gryffindor boys were shamelessly flirting with the girl from Yukiguni. He finally caught her name: Aiko.
Neville wasn't however because he was a part of Archer's fan club who still had things to brag about in that charming southern accent of his. At least Luna was somewhat close by instead of at the Ravenclaw table. She was conversing with Ginny over a catalogue.
"Oh, Potter! Potter!" his name was called again that day.
Harry looked over at Madam Hooch who was speed walking over to him. He had seen a lot of teachers speed walking today, even Professor Sprout with her arms loaded with potted viny plants.
"Interesting hair style choice," she remarked in her customary upbeat tone. "You've also got ketchup on your lip. Anyway, I need you on the field after lunch is over. I've volunteered you to help me teach the first years their first flying lesson. They'll be so ecstatic! You will help, won't you?"
"Is she ordering you to assist her or asking you to?" Sable said dryly as he used a napkin quickly.
"I have Transfiguration—" he started.
"Oh, don't worry! I got permission from the Headmistress beforehand," she interjected.
"I…sure…I can help," Harry responded reluctantly.
"Great!" she said before blowing her whistle loudly causing him to flinch. "Oh, sorry, force of habit."
"How?" Harry asked himself as he watched her hurry away. "Sable! What are you doing?"
"This frosted bread is becoming a favorite of mine!" she expressed with that pure elation. She had served herself a few slices of a yellow cake with pink icing and colorful sprinkles.
I've eaten plenty! Harry argued and noticed that Henry was once again stealing a chip from his plate. "Hey! You're not supposed to eat that! Come back!"
"He is quite the bandit," Sable said as Harry watched the cat jump down from the table and sneak away.
Harry sighed against the afternoon summer breeze that tickled his face. It was still warm enough that he didn't have to wear his robes or cardigan. He kept his head down as he walked, once again ignoring the distant view of the shadowy forest and the eerie sound of its rocking trees.
He wasn't looking forward to more ogling eyes and sure, he had taught defensive magic to his peers for most of his fifth year but these were eleven-year-olds and he wasn't confident in how to interact with them. He could see them all now in two perfect rows in the middle of the Quidditch field. He hoped this wouldn't be that difficult. Flying was easy; it was the easiest thing to him at least. He was more than confident about that.
He also realized that he didn't own a broom anymore. He never got around to replacing his lost Firebolt. Instead he got a trusty bike which he sort of missed.
"Here he is! Harry Potter!" Madam Hooch announced as Harry instantly felt the heat in his face.
He went stiff as the young witches and wizards clapped for him, a few of them even going so far as to cheer for him. He felt ridiculous as he stood next to their flying instructor who put a hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Potter here will be leading you all through the basics of flying!" she informed and then leant down to his ear and whispered: "I've got a spare Nimbus Two Thousand ready for you."
"Thank you," Harry managed and hated how his legs were starting to feel like jelly.
"Don't worry, they don't bite," Madam Hooch jested. "I'll leave you to it." She stepped aside as he put his bag down.
Harry steeled himself as he was overlooking them all and their curious eyes, their small shoulders full of anticipation as they clutched their brooms in front of them.
"S-so, flying's nothing to be nervous about," he struggled. "It's really fun once you get the hang of it. Now, if you're afraid of heights, that's normal but as long you hold on tightly you won't fall off…"
A few of their expressions turned fearful and Harry laughed anxiously.
"Don't worry, you're in good hands," he reassured them although his own confidence in that statement was waning. "Let's just go over the first few steps. I'll demonstrate and then you can all try for yourselves! Ok?"
A few nods were all he received.
"Ok…now first, you stick your hand out over your broom, like so," Harry explained as he stretched out his arm and spread his fingers above the broom that lay in the grass. "And, with feeling, you say: Up!"
Seconds past and nothing happened, the broom didn't move a centimeter.
"Ah…Ok…That happens sometimes," he excused himself. "You have to be very firm with the way you say it…uh…Up!"
Nothing again. He was practically glaring at the broom now as all their expecting gazes were on him.
"I did not think you were the type to suffer from performance anxiety," she mentioned nonchalantly.
Shut up Harry snapped.
"Your temper is rising…"
"UP!" Harry commanded but the broom didn't budge.
Come on! His neck felt so tense. He didn't understand why it wasn't working. Something as elementary as this didn't need much to accomplish, it didn't matter how stressed he was.
"Try to concentrate," she pushed and her commentary was just making him angrier.
I can do this…
"UP!" he gritted his teeth as he focused. "UP!"
Come on, I've got this!
"You really do not…"
"UP!" he shouted and the Nimbus Two Thousand shot straight up from the ground in a blur and a giant gust of wind followed. Harry watched, wide eyed and breathless, as the broom flew higher and higher until it was out of sight. The first years had all let out yelps of shock, their hair tousled, a few of them crouching against the strong burst of wind.
"Uh…that happens sometimes…" he justified almost desperately.
"It really doesn't…" Madam Hooch mentioned on the sidelines as he looked up again but the broom was gone.
"Ok…Uh…I just need another broom…" Harry hesitated as he looked over them all. "Uh…may I?" He extended his hand out to a girl, the same girl that happened to cause the hold up during the sorting ceremony. She gawked at him wildly, her face turning a beet red before handing him her broom without a word. It was newly polished, most likely a recent model.
"Thank you," he said as he took it.
"Uh, Potter—" the instructor began but Harry assured her:
"You all get what the broom is supposed to do, right?" He was speaking eagerly now. "And that's honestly an unneeded step, it really is. You can just grab the broom yourself and then you climb on it like this." Harry proceeded to situate himself on the broom, his left foot against the pedal. "And you're going to give it a good kick off and—" All he wound up doing was jumping a foot in the air with the flightless broom before landing back down clumsily.
The confused whispering amongst them was all too humiliating.
"You are making a fool of yourself in front of these children…"
"Ahem…" Harry cleared his throat. "A running start can help in this situation, I think—"
"Please do not attempt it…" Sable advised.
"Potter—?" Madam Hooch called.
But Harry decided not to listen to either of them as he held the broom at his side and sprinted forward. Concentrating with all his might and fighting such upheaving indignation, in one fell swoop he attempted to jump on the broom in midair like he had done so many times before.
He collided with the ground as the broom zoomed out of his grip and went soaring into the sky at a blazing speed leaving behind another burst of wind. Another wave of gasps left the first years, a few awes being cut short because of Madam Hooch's shushing.
Harry lifted himself from the ground, his legs somewhat shaky, and patted at his clothes and fixed his glasses. He swiftly turned on his heel with a determined expression, a bit of grass stuck to his face as he trudged forward.
"Potter, I think they can take it from it here—"
"No, it's ok," Harry was winded. "Third time's a charm, right? I just need another broom—"
He spun around for another offering but was met with the first years taking a wide step back, each of them protecting their brand-new brooms closely to themselves, staring at him with such mistrust. Harry's determination deflated instantly.
"Well, everyone," their instructor gathered their attention. "Potter needs to be getting back to class, let's all give him our thanks, shall we?"
Their appreciation was all too lackluster and Harry was sure a few of them insulted him under their breath, their expectations of him falling so incredibly short. He left the lesson practically in a daze but instead of going straight to Transfiguration like he was meant to he found the storage shed where the old spare brooms were kept next to the locker rooms.
"What are you doing?" Sable asked as he pulled one away from a mass of cobweb.
"It doesn't make any sense…" Harry grumbled as he threw the broom down. "This is the easiest thing to do. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to fly a damn broom."
"You are supposed to be in Transfiguration…"
"I don't care," he argued. "UP!"
It was the same result. The broom was lifeless to his summons.
"Damn it…UP!"
"This is futile…"
"UP! UP!"
"What are you expecting?"
"UP, you stupid broom! UP!"
Harry dodged the broom as it shot up like a bullet and was out of sight in seconds. The sheer force echoed around him as birds were frightened from their branches.
"You cannot be this stubborn."
"Oh, you don't know the half of it," he growled and scrambled back to his feet and hurried to the shed.
He spent almost an hour battling those used, spider infested brooms and each and every one of them wound up exactly like the ones before them: spiraling into the sky with such remarkable speed before disappearing. When there were no brooms left Harry sprawled out onto the humid grass, sweaty and gasping.
"Is your tantrum over?"
There's something wrong with me…
"I told you, you are stressed and now you used up all this energy and for what?"
I've been plenty stressed before, that never stopped me from using magic! Your logic is stupid!
"This is not the same stress that you would feel in combat…"
"What are you talking about? This has to be because of you!"
"Stop placing the blame on me. I have already told you—"
"And I can't trust that! I don't know who you are! I don't know anything about you!"
"I have given you the necessary details."
"Bullshite! You read my mind all you want and barrage my memories without restraint!" Harry got to his feet and almost lost his balance. "If I can't use magic then what do you think is going to happen, Sable!? It's not normal! You have to tell me the truth!"
"I have spoken the truth."
"How do you expect me to believe that!?" Harry contended. "There's no proof that you can give me that you're not messing with my magic! I was fine before you showed up! I was normal—"
"Were you?"
"What the hell does that mean?"
"I am going to sleep…"
"Are you serious!?"
There was no answer.
Sable!?
Silence.
This is insane…
"Potter, you missed my class entirely," the Headmistress reprimanded when Harry walked into the Transfiguration room just as everyone was leaving.
"Sorry," Harry said sheepishly. "I got a little carried away with everyone…"
"I was afraid of that," McGonagall said lightly. "Well, I'll excuse you for today. We better get going."
"Going?" he repeated. "Where?"
"To Professor Snape's office," she answered too cheerfully. "I told you I had a plan now keep up."
Harry did just that even though those nerves were back at full force. The chill of the dungeons made his skin feel clammy. McGonagall greeted passing students as Harry trailed behind her, the scent of summer thick on his clothes compared to the damp smell that encumbered these dim corridors. He was almost spooked by the cat parading next to him as if he had just popped out from the murky shadows.
As much as Harry didn't want to appear to be a tattletale in front of Snape, what else did the man expect? He couldn't get away with just deliberately refusing to teach Harry potions just because he couldn't burn a few bridges that Harry was more than ready to ignite.
But when their Headmistress didn't even bother knocking on the man's office door before entering, Harry realized that McGonagall meant business, that there really might be a punishment waiting for Snape because of Harry.
"What the hell do you think you're doing barging in without knocking?" Professor Snape instantly retorted from behind his desk. It looked like he had been grading papers. Snape was the type of teacher to give a pop quiz to first years on their first day but he was more than taken aback by the man's direct insolence to their Headmistress who had more than earned the utmost respect.
"Don't get sassy with me, Severus," McGonagall tackled as she went straight up to the man's desk with her perfect authoritarian posture and slammed a spool of parchment on the dark wooden table with enough force that a bottle of ink tipped over.
"What's this supposed to be?" the man demanded.
"Consider it a notice of termination if you don't accept Mr. Potter into your class," she threatened.
The second-hand embarrassment was immediate as Harry stood a few steps away from the two badgering adults. The look on Snape's face was one of pure fury before it melded into something close to an angry panic.
"That's perfectly fine by me!" he declared. "I don't have to be employed here. I only came back because you requested it."
And the laugh that McGonagall emitted could have been downright villainous to Harry.
"Because who else would hire you?" she disparaged without mercy. "Even when you put me down as a reference to all those jobs, no one would take that liability!"
Harry had never seen Snape blush before.
"Oh? Did you think they wouldn't contact me?" she boasted. "And did you think I'd actually have a good word to say about you?"
These were heartless low blows, even for McGonagall.
"You owe me a huge debt, Severus Snape," the woman voiced stringently, pointing her finger at the cornered man. "I was the one who ordered that your body be retrieved right away, if it wasn't for me you'd be—"
"Do you think I give a damn about that, woman!?" Snape was so incensed that it was nearing comical. "You should have let me die in that shack! It was the least you could do!"
Why did this have to feel like a crazed family dispute that Harry was caught in the middle of?
"Oh, don't start with the dramatics again, Severus!" McGonagall chastised. "I'm quite through with your narcissism!"
"And I've had enough of your holier than thou attitude!" Snape countered.
"Hah! Anyone has the right to feel that way compared to you!"
"Uh…I don't have to take Potions…" Harry added.
"Quiet, Potter!" they both shouted at him.
"Don't tell him to be quiet!" McGonagall steamrolled on. "When are you going to realize you've been acting like a child! You're a grown man, Severus! You dug this hole yourself, now deal with it! There's no reason to be embarrassed because Potter knows a few private details about your life! I have no time to act as a mediator between you two over a silly issue like this one!"
And that was enough to keep the man's mouth shut. It was over and Minerva McGonagall was the victor. A total knock out.
"You're stuck here, Severus, whether you like it or not," their Headmistress decreed. "Now, Potter will be allowed in your class and will also be serving as your aide."
"I…what?" Harry spoke up.
"A teacher's aide, Potter," McGonagall reiterated. "Since the faculty is dealing with the repeat seventh years as well as extra lessons to other students who did not learn the entire curriculum and the exchange students, I decided it was best to lend a helping hand to them. Potter will assist you in prep work and grading and the like. He'll start right now with your fifth-year class. They'll need extra attention since they're facing their O.W.L.s."
And Snape began to argue but she held up her hand and the man's remarks died out instantly.
"Get to it then, your students are waiting," McGonagall said with fake politeness. "And make Potter some tea, he looks parched."
Harry thought that perhaps he was dreaming. There was a good chance he could have fallen asleep near the field after his fight with all those brooms.
But no, he really was sitting adjacent to Snape's desk and grading the first year's quizzes and the tea the man had made him was way too bitter. The class was settling in and Snape was turning the pages of his customary notebook to whatever the study guide was for the day.
"Stop staring at me," the Professor muttered.
He hadn't even noticed he was doing it. Harry withdrew his sight from those cold black eyes and twirled the red pen in his hand. He felt undeniably out of sorts. The day was stretching on too long and he had met more than enough snags in his mission to simply sit next to Luna. He hadn't even made eye contact with the girl and now he was stuck with a man who wanted nothing to do with him while he was boringly grading papers.
And he was hungry which wasn't good. He had expended too much energy taking out his anger on those brooms and Sable hadn't said a word to him since their argument. He did feel guilty, whether it was justified or not, for accusing her of lying. He didn't know what had gotten into him, well, besides her.
It was just getting to be too much being the only one who knew of her existence and trying to accept it as it was. And, if it wasn't her that was causing problems with his magic, then what was it?
Snape had stood up to hand out a placement test to the fifth years. They were required to brew a fourth year potion, a poison antidote from what Harry secretly read out of the corner of his eye. He listened to the clanking of scales and the grinding of pestles as the minutes ticked on.
His drowsiness was prevailing and he had to rub at his eyes to fight it off. He was also feeling dizzy from the hunger. There was too much time left till dinner. He regretted tiring himself out with trying to fly. But he truly was in a real predicament.
He was at a school for magic. If he couldn't use magic, what was the point? Wasn't this year supposed to be normal? Voldemort was gone for good. So why was he facing more tribulations? Dealing with a mythical beast possessing him because he fell for her trap, dealing with Ron's disappointment in him and now his magic was failing him? It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense that people looked at him like some righteous hero when all he felt like was an outcast.
Even though Harry was lost in thought as he marked a question wrong on a test paper, he knew a few students in the room were whispering. They were fifth years, didn't they know by now that Snape didn't tolerate a single moment of disruption in his class? Or did they think they could get away with it because he had a convicted past? Because his secrets were out and his authority was weakened because of it? Because the Prophet had written so many unfavorable things about him that meant he no longer deserved respect as a teacher?
"How could they let a Death Eater continue to teach here?"
That male voice was certainly loud enough for Snape to hear and the other whispers were gaining volume. Harry glanced at the man to see if he was reacting but the Professor was busy going over a syllabus. Did Snape really not care that his students were gossiping rather than focusing on their potions? Had he given up trying? Was he just doing it because it was the only job he could find like McGonagall had said?
"He's rubbish. Everyone hates him. He's no hero. I don't care what he did to help, he's evil."
The talking was aggravating him now. Couldn't Snape at least tell them to focus? To keep their voices down? He was still their teacher; they should be keeping whatever opinions they had about the man to themselves.
"I can't believe Potter defended him. That statement was shite. How the hell is that worthless Death Eater a hero? How come he got to live while so many that didn't deserve it had to die?"
Harry shot his head up from the test papers to look at Snape who was dipping his quill. Harry turned his head towards the seated students who were all diligently working on their antidotes in pairs. A few of them were talking fervently, giving directions where it was needed.
And he met the stare of a Gryffindor boy who had been looking at Snape. Was he the one complaining? His expression had been one close to revulsion until he noticed Harry staring at him. Had he been talking to his partner? Harry thought he had heard more than one male voice. The boy was wearing a school ring, the red ruby glistening and he noticed the prefect badge fastened to his uniform vest.
Harry decided to disregard it and return to grading. He wasn't about to confront the Professor about it. They weren't on sound footing yet. Not that they would ever be but Harry knew that vial of memories was burning a hole in his book bag and he would have to give it back to the man no matter what. He didn't care what merit that held. And he did have things to apologize for.
"He should be rotting in Azkaban with the rest of those fucking Death Eaters. Who does he think he is? Just because he's changed his image a bit, he thinks the rest of us will forget what he did? Why did they even bother to save him? Why doesn't he just do us all a favor and go and off himself?"
"What did you say?" Harry spoke lowly as he glared at the prefect who sat at the front of the class.
"What?" the boy replied along with a look of absolute confusion as he stared back at Harry and then at Snape. He had been busy chopping roots as his partner was stirring their potion.
"Don't look at him," Harry said bitingly. "What the hell did you say?"
"I…I don't know what you're talking about—"
The anger was gnawing at his limbs. His skin grew as cold as ice as he stood up so rapidly that his chair toppled over. His jaw was clenched so hard it hurt, his hands gripping into tight fists. All he could see were those gallant colors of red and gold on the boy's tie and that shined ruby and that badge of obligation.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Harry spat as he rounded the work bench so menacingly that the boy instantly began to recoil. "What right do you have to say that!?"
"Potter—"
He barely heard Snape's voice as every ounce of his reasoning had vanished. All he knew was this beastly, irrepressible anger that hunted relentlessly for a way out of his body.
"Apologize!" Harry shouted as he gripped the boy's collar and yanked him forward. He didn't give a damn about the amount of fear in his eyes or the disbelief that rifled through the entire classroom because of his furious behavior. "What the fuck do you know!? You weren't there! Now apologize!"
He was beside himself. Hell, when was the last time he was able to recognize himself? He didn't even flinch when every cauldron in the lab detonated like a bomb, firing boiling liquid into the air. Their screams were too identical to the ones in his dreams.
Above the dungeons, many classrooms were also being disturbed as unmanned brooms came crashing through their windows.
A/N:
A few things I would like to comment:
#1. I will focus on certain exchange students and details about their schools a lot more in the coming chapters.
#2. I honestly want this fic to have plenty of funny moments (well, moments I think are funny) even though it is going to be more of a serious story.
I hope readers have enjoyed this chapter and hope for more. Sorry for errors I may have missed, I go back and reread when I have the time. Thank you for reading and I hope you have time to leave a review. Stay safe out there!
Next chapter: Chapter 6: Boys Who Call You Darlin'