Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters from the Inuyasha show. Those all belong to Rumiko Takahashi & her brilliant mind. I also do not own any of the music that will be mentioned, I will credit every artist at the beginning of every chapter!
I changed Rin calling Kagome "Lady Kagome" to "Kagome-sama" for continuity's sake, I'll go back and edit the first chapter later!
TW: Immense sadness (again, I don't want to call it depression yet)
Song for this Chapter:
I Wish I Never Met You by Babygirl
The rain had long since stopped when Kagome woke, still in the fetal position she fell asleep in. She was covered in dirt, dried blood, and tear stains. Her Miko outfit was tattered and torn. Her knees had been shredded by the bones in the well, holes torn clean through the fabric to expose her skin. The smaller bones had made a home in onyx hair, tangled ever so slightly in her thick hair. Drenched and chilled to the bone Kagome woke disoriented, she sat up and looked towards the sky, grey stratus clouds blanketed the sky.
Why am I in the well?
The memories of the previous night came flooding back to her, fresh tears welled in her eyes. She stared at the walls of the well, allowing her face to become damp with tears yet again.
"I wish I never met you." Kagome half cried half screamed with a gut-wrenching sound of pain that came from the bottom of her heart. Hugging her knees to her chest she let her overwhelming sadness envelop her as a blanket would. That's how she sat for hours, she cried until she couldn't, and then she sat in silence for even longer. Staring at the walls of the well like her life depended on it. This is how she was sitting when Rin found her.
"Kagome-sama! Are you okay? Rin has been worried! Here take Rin's hand let's get you out of here!" Rin's small hand was outstretched, reaching towards Kagome.
Kagome stared at her hand for a second before she willed her arm to move. As she stood her knees screamed in protest, fresh blood trickling from the reopened cuts. Kagome grabbed ahold of Rin's hand and hoisted herself up with the other. The two women sat down beside the well, leaning their backs against it. The small bones were being picked out by Rin as she took in Kagome's battered form.
"Kagome-sama, you're hurt! Let Rin tend to you!" Rin insisted.
"No, Rin I'm fine. I just want to sit here for a while, please." Kagome groaned, she closed her eyes and continued to lean back. She didn't care how she looked, she didn't care about her cuts or even that her head was pounding fiercely. All Kagome wanted was for the pain to stop, she wanted to wake up from the nightmare she found herself in.
"Kagome-sama, Rin knows you're not fine. Rin can sense the darkness around you, please, let Rin tend to your wounds." Rin pleaded, Kagome opened her eyes to look at her. Rin's eyes were full of emotion, worry sketched across her face. Begrudgingly Kagome nodded her head, she didn't want Rin to look at her like that.
"Good! Now let's go Kagome-sama! Rin will help you back to the village!"
Draping one of Kagome's arms around her shoulders, Rin started toward the village. Moving as quickly as her body would allow her, Kagome let her weight rest on Rin's shoulder. They were only halfway there when Kagome collapsed to her hands and knees, cries escaping her battered form. She couldn't go back there, she couldn't see him again.
"Please... Rin I can't- I can't." Kagome croaked, her throat was sore from her relentless crying.
"Kagome-sama!!! What's wrong?? Should Rin go get help? I'll be-" Rin stopped, "Sesshomaru-sama! Please help Lady Kagome, Rin doesn't know what's wrong!"
Sesshomaru was standing behind the two women, the same cold disposition as always. His eyes quickly surveyed the area, before coming to rest on them.
"Was there an attack?" His cold tone cut through the air.
"Rin isn't sure, she found Kagome-sama like this in the bottom of the well!" Rin replied, kneeling next to Kagome with a hand on her back staring at her face in worry.
"Miko." Sesshomaru said, he did not repeat himself, he never did.
Kagome gathered the last of her coherent thoughts to shake her head and heard a "hn" of disapproval.
"Get up Miko. This weakness is unbecoming." Sesshomaru stated curtly, walking past Rin and Kagome towards the village.
"Sesshomaru-sama, Rin doesn't know if Kagome-sama has the energy to walk." Rin mumbled, "Would you please help her? For Rin?"
Sesshomaru stopped his purposeful walk, after a pause he doubled back and proceeded to pick up Kagome, carrying her bridal style, one arm rested under her battered legs while the other wrapped around her arms, securing her in his embrace. Kagome gasped at the jarring movement but proceeded to weep softly, she let the side of her head rest timidly against his armored chest. Kagome clasped her hands together and held them towards her chest, silently begging the earth-shattering feeling to pass. Sesshomaru didn't look at her or acknowledge she was in his arms, usually, Kagome would be bothered by his haughty attitude but at this moment she was grateful he pretended she didn't exist. As they walked she could feel her body tingling with excitement, the way her reiki felt when it collided with Inuyasha's yoki. The sensation felt so familiar, she opened her eyes and looked around for Inuyasha. To her dismay, he was nowhere to be found, and Kagome realized she feeling Sesshomaru's yoki. Kagome studied his face momentarily, before looking down at her hands.
His yoki is so similar to Inuyasha's. I wonder...
The thought brought fresh tears to Kagome's eyes and she allowed her reiki to leak out of her to caress Sesshomaru's yoki. She could see the vibrant green hue in her mind and felt the power that simmered within. Even without trying his yoki was overwhelming, laced with the threat of death. It was almost inviting as if it wanted a challenge, a desire to strike something down. Mixing with everything else, there was a hint of warmth and comfort, just like Inuyasha's. It wasn't nearly as present as the other sensations, but Kagome was used to this feeling so she picked up on it first. Her curiosity tempered with disappointment, she called her reiki back and resumed her silent state. If Sesshomaru felt her reiki he chose not to acknowledge and continued to act as if she was nonexistent.
The trio continued their walk in silence, Rin trailing behind Sesshomaru wringing her hands with worry. Once they arrived at Rin's hut Sesshomaru entered and lay Kagome down on a bedroll positioned in the main room. Ar some point during the walk Kagome had fallen asleep, and she stirred only slightly when Sesshomaru laid her down. A crease formed between her brows, and she whimpered Inuyasha's name.
This was where Rin treated villagers, there was a small fire pit, a pile of clean rags, various bottles of herbs, and a black cauldron. There was a small stream that ran by the hut, it split from the river and provided fresh water for Rin. Rin has treated many ailments and many people in her hut but never had she imagined she'd be starting at her mentor broken and bruised, she'd never seen anyone like this before. It seemed as if Kagome's light had been extinguished. Sitting on her legs, Rin pulled a blanket over Kagome, resting a hand on her forehead. If Sesshomaru hadn't shown up, Rin didn't know if she would've gotten Kagome to her hut. Rin stood and bowed to Sesshomaru.
"Sesshomaru-sama, thank you. Rin doesn't know what she would do without you."
"Hn." Sesshomaru exited the hut.
Rin turned to Kagome to find her still fast asleep, though her sleep was restless. Busying herself with preparations Rin began boiling some water and sifting through her herbs, deciding which would be the most beneficial for Kagome's current state.
"Rin will start with the cuts, she knows how to treat those." She mumbled to herself, grabbing a couple of bottles and rags.
Inuyasha was standing there, his back to Kagome. She was calling for him, reaching out in vain. He didn't turn, just stood staring at Goshinboku.
"I don't love you. Not like you want me to."
"I don't want you."
No...no, please no.
"You're not Kikyo, you're not what I want."
Kagome was running but she didn't move, the ground stretched between them. Moving Inuyasha further and further away, until he faded out of her vision.
"Inuyasha please, come back! I love you!"
A sword pierced through her chest. Blood pouring down her white Miko top, Kagome fell to her knees.
"Tessaiga...?"
"He doesn't love you, Kagome. He never will. You are worthless, a shadow of myself. You'll never be anything. A poor copy of the love he once had with me." Kikyo's voice cut through the silence, she circled Kagome to face her Tessaiga in her possession.
"You will never be enough," Kikyo whispered, raising Tessaiga once more to finish the job.
At that Kagome woke, a loud gasp escaping her as she bolted upright. She wasn't home, she didn't know where was. Disoriented she frantically searched the room for familiarity. Her eyes fell upon a resting form.
Rin. Did she bring me here? Does that mean... Inuyasha?
Kagome stood and her body ached in protest, nevertheless, she grabbed her shoes and headed for the door of the hut. Walking quietly as to not wake Rin. She stopped at the door to look back a Rin, turning back she crept up to Rin and kissed her forehead gently.
"Thank you, Rin."
It was another clear night, the air was cool and the village was silent. The second she stepped out of the hut Kagome ran to her hut, her body hated her for it, but she needed to know.
Maybe Inuyasha changed his mind, maybe it was some sick prank he was playing. He's going to be there when I get back, he always is.
Bursting through the door she stopped dead in her tracks. It was silent, the kind of silence that accompanies abandonment. Frantically Kagome searched the hut, top to bottom and room to room. There was nothing, still, she kept searching for any signs of Inuyasha's presence. Kagome stopped in the main room, feeling defeated she sat at their small table and found the only thing Inuyasha left for her. His Kotodama no Nenju had been removed long ago but the couple kept it as a memento, a remembrance of their growth together.
With a shaking hand, Kagome picked up the Kotodama no Nenju and sobbed silently, clutching the necklace like it was the only thing holding her to the earth. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore, so she got up and went to her room. Kagome curled up under the blanket they shared, the Kotodama no Nenju cradled towards her chest, she let sleep take her again.
Kagome stayed in her bed for three days waiting for Inuyasha. She didn't bathe, she didn't eat, she didn't speak. She would stare at the wall until her eyes burned, or cry until she had pounding migraines. She refused visitors, the ones that insisted (Sango, Miroku, Rin, and Kaede) tried in vain to get her to talk. Kagome wouldn't respond or acknowledge those who came to see her. She has nothing to say after all. Instead, she sat in her bed cycling between soul-crushing pain to feeling nothing at all, over and over again. Three days she stayed like this until she felt a familiar aura pass by her hut.
Inuyasha?
Kagome bolted upright in her bed, throwing her reiki out frantically searching for him. There was nothing, not even a whisper of his aura nearby. Kagome knew what she needed to do, but she didn't know if she had the strength to go through with it.
I can't stay here.
Standing for the first time in days, Kagome changed her clothes and brushed her hair. Throwing her hair up in a messy bun once all was said in done. Rummaging through the small chest they had, she pulled her old yellow backpack out of the bottom. Slowly she began gathering her things, the few she had, into her old backpack, never did she think she'd be using it again.
Some medicinal herbs, her iPod and charger, some extra Miko clothing, her remaining first aid items, and even a few outfits from her home. She tucked the Kotodama no Nenju in the side pocket of her yellow bag, resigning to the guilt of leaving it behind. Every item she packed made her heart grow heavier with the pain of leaving. How would everyone be fair without her? Would Sango and Miroku miss her? Would their kids? What would they tell Shippo when he visits? Would Rin continue her priestess training? Would Sesshomaru come to visit her?
Every question that popped into her head made her resolve to weaken, every glance she stole around their hut made her resolve to strengthen. Kagome knew she needed to go, she'd only suffer if she remained. She'd been unhappy for a while, the peacefulness was nice but it was monotonous, the added devastation of Inuyasha leaving just tipped the scales of her wanting to leave. Kagome wouldn't leave without saying goodbye she decided.
I'll leave letters, one for everyone. Kaede, Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Rin, the children, Sesshomaru maybe. And, Inuyasha, if ever returns I'll leave it here for him.
Pulling out an old notebook and pen, she went to work on writing personalized letters. Detailing how much she loved them all and appreciated them, reminiscing on better times. Thanking all of them for their impact on her life. Except for Inuyasha. His letter was devastating for Kagome, she confessed her love for him and that she always will love him. Kagome brushed her clothes off and labeled the letters accordingly, leaving them on their table so they'd be found easily. Kagome scooped up her yellow backpack, her bow catching her attention in the corner of her eye as she bent over. Sighing inwardly she set her bag down and fastened the quiver to her back. She slid her bag straps back over her shoulders and hooked her bow over her right shoulder.
It was late, she didn't know how late but everyone in the village would be asleep by now. The air was chilly, it was a nice night but the breeze was heavy. Heaviness weighing her heart, she set off, she didn't know where she'd go but anywhere was better than here.
She was walking through Inuyasha forest, every step weighed her down. She didn't know if she'd ever walk through here again, or if she even wanted to. Lost in her thoughts Kagome hardly noticed she was at the Goshinboku again, and when she did her heart stopped. She felt her stomach fall and lumped formed in her throat. Standing there, the wounds Inuyasha left reopened and she felt her heartbreaking all over again. Kagome reached into the side pocket of her bag and withdrew the Kotodama no Nenju, turning it over in her hand absentmindedly.
A cacophony of feelings overran her as she stood there, staring at the tree with the Kotodama no Nenju in her hand.
"I wish I never met you, Inuyasha," Kagome whispered, she threw the Kotodama no Nenju at the tree, hoping somehow Inuyasha could feel her pain as she did so.
"Running away Miko? How very brave." Sesshomaru mocked her. He was sitting up at the base of one of the surrounding trees, Kagome hadn't even noticed he was there. Lounging with one leg extended and his arm propped on the other, he held a leaf in his left hand and stared at it with a bored expression. Sesshomaru looked ethereal, the moonlight illuminating his form and soaking its way through his silver hair.
Kagome sighed,
"I thought you left, I guess I shouldn't have expected the obvious from you."
"Hn" a disapproving tone was cast her way.
"You wouldn't understand why I'm leaving. I know you care about Rin, but have you ever loved anyone? Are you even capable? Have you ever put your all into someone, only to have them tell you they don't want you?" Kagome shot his way.
"Those things are inconsequential to this Sesshomaru."
Kagome scoffed
"Of course they are."
"Miko, you'd let that pathetic half-breed impact you so? Perhaps you're just as pathetic as he."
"Maybe I am, but I can't be here. I don't belong here and I can't go home. I love everyone in the village, but I can't do that to myself." Kagome replied.
"You'd abandon Rin?"
"That's rich coming from you, you only show up when it benefits you," Kagome scoffed again. "But no I'm not. Rin will do just fine under Kaede's instruction. I have endless faith that Rin will become a powerful priestess, she'll be better off without me weighing her down anyway. Honestly, they'll all be better off without me, I don't even belong here. I left letters in my- well the hut. There's one for everyone, even you. Not that you care."
Sesshomaru rose and made his way over to Kagome, standing barely a foot in front of her he lowered his voice.
"Do not presume to know what This Sesshomaru's intentions are. Were you not the one lecturing about Rin's happiness?" Sesshomaru sidestepped and walked past Kagome, "Should Rin ask it, this Sesshomaru will stop at no lengths to bring you back to ensure her happiness."
"Good luck trying," Kagome responded, she didn't care if he chose to kill her for her insolence now.
Kagome took one last look at Goshinboku, then towards the village. With one last sigh, she started her purposeful walk in the opposite direction of everything.