Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters from the Inuyasha show. Those all belong to Rumiko Takahashi & her brilliant mind. I also do not own any of the music that will be mentioned, I will credit every artist at the beginning of every chapter!

TW/ depression

Song for This Chapter:

1 Last Cigarette by The Band Camino

Kagome's sleep was anything but tranquil. Tormented by dreams of helplessly begging Inuyasha to stay and of her friends dying horrible deaths, she only hoped to wake before they took the final plunge.Every dream shredded her heart, never once was she granted the mercy of waking.

When Kagome finally stirred, dried tears were crusted down her face, leaving her cheek momentarily stuck to the pillow. She had been crying in her sleep, her dreams left her with a pit deep in her stomach. The pit was widened at the idea that she was still in Sesshomaru's palace. Sitting up, Kagome stretched her arms with no soreness accompanying her.

I guess my body bounced back faster than usual, that's nice.

"Glad to see you're awake, Miko." A small voice came from the corner of the room. Kagome turned her head to see Aina sitting up on a cushion against a wall. She no longer wore a black kimono, but a brown one still tied to her waist with the cider obi.
"It's been two days. I was forced to put you to sleep after your last stunt." Aina stated, disappointment laced into her last few words.

"Two days? Geez, I feel like that's overkill." Kagome mumbled, turning her body to fully face Aina.

"It was the only way I could guarantee your body would fully heal." Aina said tersely as she stood.

"Well, thanks by the way! For healing my wounds and all. That was very nice of you. It's Kagome by the way. I really hate being called Miko, it's so unfamiliar." Kagome smiled, hoisting herself up. The movement was much appreciated from her stiff leg muscles.

"It is my job, Kagome. I do as my Lord tells me. Dinner has been prepared, it will be brought to you shortly." Aina bowed, turning to leave the room.

"Wait! Hey, I'm sorry about my little breakdown the other day. It was a lot, I really don't know what came over me, anyway I appreciate whatever you gave me!" Kagome blurted, stepping in Aina's direction.

Aina turned back to face Kagome, an expression of concern and understanding crossing her beautiful face. The kitsune had slightly tanned skin and emerald eyes that were topped with sculpted black brows. There was a marking on her forehead, similar to Sesshomaru's crescent moon, except Aina's was a small sun. The sun was a dark cider color, several shades darker than her hair, complimenting it nicely.

"There's no need to apologize. You are hurting, expressing your pain is normal. Should you need more of my potion, a shoulder to cry on, or silent companionship, feel free to summon me. You have two guards stationed out in this hallway, for your protection. For now, I shall leave you, Miko Kagome." and she left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

What the hell? She seemed so different the first time she spoke, what changed? Maybe she's not as similar to Sesshomaru as I thought.

Stunned, Kagome walked over to the dark wooden desk, finding her yellow backpack tucked behind it.

My stuff! Thank the Kami's! I don't see my weapons though. Whatever I'll take my wins where I can get them.

Kagome looked down at her white yukata. It was wrinkled and stained from Kami knows what. Sighing Kagome got to work unpacking her belongings, excited to change clothes.

Some basic medical supplies were strewn across the desk; her clothing placed nicely in her cupboard, and her miscellaneous supplies tossed haphazardly in the chest. Save her ipod and a clean change of clothes.

I wonder where I can take a bath around here.

As Kagome was daydreaming about soaking in hot water, cleansing her skin and spirit. A soft knock made its way to her ears, snapping back to reality Kagome shouted.

"Come in!"

"Miko-sama, your dinner." A guard held a tray in his hands. A bowl of white rice sat atop, with a few slices of meat. There was also a wooden cup and a folded piece of paper on the tray. Kagome's eyes flitted to the note, before examining the guard in front of her. Kagome recognized this guard as the one who gave Aina the potion the other day in the midst of her breakdown.

"It's Kagome! Please come in, would you mind setting it on the desk?" Kagome asked, noting the guard's stiff posture. Waving him in she circled to the back of the desk, eyes trained on the guard once again. Kagome didn't recognize what kind of yokai the guard was.

"Um, yes ma'am, Miko." The guard stuttered, hastily making his way over to her desk, relieving himself of the tray and quickly turning to exit the room. His posture still screaming unease, Kagome couldn't let him leave in his current state.

"Seriously, call me Kagome! What's your name?" Kagome asked the skittish yokai, watching him stumble slightly at her words.

After regaining his composure he faced Kagome, his face flushed red.

"My name is Itsuki, thank you for asking Mi- Kagome-sama." The yokai nervously bowed, staring at the floor.

"Just Kagome is fine, no need for the honorific, it's so nice to meet you!" Kagome smiled at the bowing yokai, "Itsuki huh, that means tree doesn't it?"

"Yes Kagome-sam- I mean Kagome. My mother chose it, she grew up in the forests, she was a Mujina, as was my father. Their pack lived deep in the woods of the West." he explained. His posture was still stiff, though iit had loosened considerably. Noting how uncomfortable he still seemed, Kagome decided to end the conversation.

"Well Itsuki, thank you so much for all your help. And definitely for bringing me food, I'm starving!" Kagome smiled again, "Oh, is there any place I can take a bath?"

"Yes, if you take a right when you leave the room; go down the stairs and follow the stone path, it will lead you to a private bath. Sesshomaru-sama reserves it for special guests. Thank you, Kagome, for being so kind." Itsuki bowed again, leaving the room without a second thought.

So kind? I wasn't even that nice, just basic manners. Are the yokai around here really that rude?

Kagome pondered her question, resolving to put anyone in their place if she saw them treating a guard, servant, or maid disrespectfully. A smirk crept across her face as she thought of knocking a pretentious yokai off their high horse.

If only I was able to do that to Sessshomaru last time, next time I'll show him!

Taking her place in the comfortable chair behind the desk and picking up chopsticks, Kagome started eating. The unidentified meat was wild boar, sliced in thin pieces and cooked to perfection. The boar was juicy and flavorful, perfectly complementing the steamed rice in the bowl. The wooden cup was full with warm Green tea, Kagome's favorite drink, next to a cool glass of water.

The meal was truly delightful, the best she had eaten in a long time. The only remnants were a few pieces of white rice stuck to the side of the bowl. The chopsticks rested beside the bowl, seemingly proud of the work they just did. Leaning back and rubbing her nearly bursting stomach, Kagome eyed the folded note left on the tray. Quite honestly, she had almost forgotten about it. Hastily opening the note, carefully as to not to rip it.

Miko,
Your training will start tomorrow, a guard will lead you to the training ground at the break of dawn. Be ready.

Scoffing Kagome balled up the note, tossing it haphazardly across the desk. She watched it roll across the smooth surface, stopping near the edge.

Curse him, pretentious fucker, I'll be in tip top shape tomorrow to kick his ass. He underestimated me last time, plus I was injured! How dare he hit a girl when she's already down! What a prick!

Emboldening herself, Kagome grabbed a pair of her most comfortable pajamas and set course for the onsen. A large grey T-shirt one her grandpa gifted her years ago, a pair of blue fuzzy shorts, and another barely functional t-shirt. She'd use one of them to dry her hair. Kagome yearned for a hair conditioner from her time. Nearly out of the oil she was gifted, she pouted. Kamis knew when she would get her hands on more. Folding her clothing in a neat pile, with the oil resting on top, Kagome nodded her head and started towards the door. Creaking the door open she saw two guards, chatting quietly at the end of the hall. Kagome waved hesitantly, the guards chose not to return the gesture.

Huh, whatever I guess.

Huffing a bit, Kagome figured they were a couple of yokai who thought humans were beneath them. Unfortunately, this was a shared belief among most yokai. Yokai were hostile towards humans, and humans hunted yokai to exterminate them.

Shaking off the guard's rudeness, Kagome walked down the hall until she reached the stairs Itsuki told her about. Taking each step with care, Kagome descended to the beginning to the gray stone path.
The path led Kagome outside, to a sight Kagome never would've expected to see at Sesshomaru's palace.

There was a small garden, full of bonsai trees, hundreds of stunning flowers, and a large koi pond. The pond's structure was made from large stones, carefully stacked in a perfect circle to hold the contents securely. The pond had two levels. Flowing gracefully from the upper level was a small waterfall, about three feet tall. The upper basin consisted of the same stones, in a smaller circular shape than the bottom basin. Unruly plants entwined themselves on the pond. Slipping between the cracks of the stones; traveling up the back of the waterfall, making home in the upper basin as well. The overgrowth provided a natural, untouched effect. The scene stole the oxygen from Kagome's lungs. There was no roof covering the area, this allowed the stars and moon to shine brilliantly down. The light coating the area in an ethereal glow. There was a bench in front of the koi pond, two people could easily sit there. Before Kagome could protest her legs moved to sit on the small bench.

This is beautiful, it's so peaceful.

Kagome sat her belongings on the bench next to her. Placing her hands on her knees she started at the rippling pond. The koi fish swam idly around the water, lazily picking up bits of food along the way. They didn't have a care in the world.

How easy life would be if I were a fish, no stress, no conflicts, no pain. Happily swimming around the water, there'd be no heartbreak, just the simplicity of existing.

A pang shot through Kagome as Inuyasha's name came to mind. Unshed tears glistened in her cerulean eyes.

How did I let myself get this bad? I don't even recognize myself most days. I used to be so happy, so carefree, now I can barely stand to sit still. Kami's why do I still have so much anger in me? It's been a year, one year since he left me. Why did I let myself fall so far from where I used to be?

Shaking away her unshed tears Kagome peered up at the moon, it was waning gibbous tonight. Staring at the sky, she allowed herself to feel things she'd been trying so hard to repress.

Momma, I'm sorry, you'd be so disappointed in me now. I'm sorry for letting myself get so bad. I wish I could talk to you again, you'd know exactly what to say to help me. I love and miss you, Souta and Grandpa too. I miss Grandpa's eccentric antics, Souta's childish behavior, and I miss Buyo.

Her breath was shaky, closing her eyes she kept her head turned towards the moon.

I'm sorry too, to you Sango, Miroku, Rin, and Kaede. You are my family, I left without saying a word.I abandoned you all. I promise I'll see you again soon, hopefully you will forgive me. Hell, if you even can forgive me.
I hope Shippou is okay, I miss him so much. I'm sure he's hurting too.
I know I hurt you all when I left, I just hope I can make it up to you. I hope you're all okay, I love you.

Standing, Kagome let tears fall softly down her cheeks.

I forgive you, Inuyasha. I won't let myself be angry at you any longer. I hope you're okay. I experienced so much with you, I never pictured my life without you, hah, well look at us now. Who would've thought? If I ever see you again, I promise I'll let you know I forgive you.

Kagome still hurt thinking of all she'd lost the past year. She knew she was on her way to getting better, she started her healing tonight. Hastily she wiped the tears that moistened her face. Staring at the pond one last time, she mustered up some composure and continued to the onsen.

Sliding the door open, she saw a lone tub sitting in the middle of the room. The walls were stained a dark cherry red, the circular tub was made from black stone and small candles circled the tub. A quaint cabinet was stationed at the far corner of the room, filled with clean yukatas, various oils and incense.

Wooow Sesshomaru you really know how to make a guest feel special.

Kagome leisurely made her way to the cabinet, and placed her belongings on top. Picking up the various oils, she smelled each one, there were ten in total. Three of them were absolutely revolting to Kagome, the next three were clearly meant for male yokai. The last three were Kagome's favorites, one of them was the same one she already had! The label read "camellia", the subtle floral scent pleased Kagome's nose. The labels on the remaining two were worn away. One smelled of oranges and the other of fresh brewed green tea. Kagome decided to keep using her current oil, she'd be adventurous another day.

Next to the oils was a small hand mirror, and a tsuge comb, what luck! Kagome rarely came across one of these combs, they were rare in this area. Made from boxwood, it glided through Kagome's hair like a dream, not any of the dreams she'd been having recently though. Grabbing the mirror, Kagome inspected herself, she looked quite pale. A bit sunken in as well, but she was feeling fine at the moment. Dark circles cradled her eyes, her skin was dull and dry, begging for an ounce of moisture. She hardly recognized herself, her cheekbones more pronounced, lips were fuller than before, and her face held an unrecognizable maturity. Sighing Kagome set the mirror down, it was all part of growing up.

Shedding her stained yukata and clutching a tattered t-shirt, she moseyed her way over to the inviting tub. She slid down in the warm water, setting her camellia oil and old shirt on the side of the tub. Sinking until the water reached her chin, Kagome released a soft sigh.

The tub was much deeper than Kagome realized, or was even used to, the black stone it was made out of made it appear smaller than it actually was. Her entire body fit more than comfortably, it could easily fit two more people as well. The water embodied refreshment, Kagome could feel the dirt soaking off her body. Leaning back, Kagome closed her eyes. Her thoughts drifted, from one thing to another, before resting on the topic of training with Sesshomaru.

Her stomach performed somersaults, betraying the calm atmosphere. Kagome knew how dangerous Sesshomaru was. After all the times Inuyasha and Sesshomaru fought, alongside or against each other, she knew he was ruthless. Sesshomaru came at his enemies without sympathy, ensuring their destruction by his hand.

Kagome was confident she could catch him off guard, hell she'd progressed miles from her previous battle experience. And he's only seen her fight once since she'd trained, she wasn't even in condition to fight! Hoping she was skilled enough to teach him the lesson he oh-so deserved, Kagome pushed the thoughts of training from her mind. She decided to use her newfound time to meditate, the atmosphere was perfect for her to drift in her subconscious.

Kagome meditated until her fingers were severely pruned, she knew it was time to exit the warm water. After that refresh, she decided this would be her little piece of heaven, the garden too. Using her camellia oil, she ran it through her hair, roots to ends, making sure to evenly coat her wet strands. Sure she had saturated her hair evenly, Kagome gracefully wrapped her hair in the old t-shirt. Distributing the oil across her skin as well, head to toe her body was praising her for providing the much needed moisture. Slipping on the other t-shirt and her fuzzy blue pajama shorts, Kagome was prepared to head back to her room, or so she thought.

The night air slammed against her like a car, it was frigid compared to the humid air in the onsen. Kagome quickly wrapped her arms around her person and hurried across the stone path. She kicked herself for not wearing something warmer. Quickly darting up the stairs into shelter, Kagome saw the same guards from earlier, only now they leaned against the wall and slept.

Some guards they are, I guess everyone needs to sleep though.

A mischievous thought presented itself to Kagome. Summoning her reiki into small darts, she shot one at each guard. They were weak enough they wouldn't harm the guards, but strong enough to give them a sharp jolt. The first dart landed on one guard's arm, while the other made its home in the other guard's chest.

Kagome choked back her laughter when the guards jumped awake, landing on their feet they frantically looked around for the source. Seeing no one but Kagome who was across the hall, they slowly sat back down, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Good evening fellas! I hope you're resting well!" Kagome cheered, waving happily as she entered her room. Closing the door behind her, Kagome let out a fit of giggles. She clutched her stomach as it cramped from her laughter, sighing she wiped a tear from her eye. Messing with people, or yokai in this case, always provided Kagome with entertainment, it was a bad habit she picked up from Shippou.

Kagome put her belongings away, with no rhyme or reason, she decided she'd organize tomorrow. Hopefully she'd be able to make the place more homey. Her Ipod was left on the desk, she grabbed it and placed her headphones in. Hitting shuffle on the device, she swayed to her music. Nearly ready for bed, the windows captured Kagome's attention. Slipping her Ipod into her pocket, she padded to the window, pulling back the thin curtain to reveal the view hidden behind.

The window overlooked the garden, the clear view of the koi pond stunned her. Viewing it from above was even more breathtaking, every plant, stone, and living thing seemed to flow together seamlessly. So much thought was put into making this garden, Kagome couldn't help but wonder who designed it. Staring longingly at the garden, Kagome had to fight her impulse to run back and enjoy the tranquility the garden provided.

Unwillingly, Kagome stepped back from the window. Leaving the window open so she could enjoy the view from her bed, she meandered her way to the futon. The sheets had been replaced in her absence. The new sheets were a brilliant red, they looked just as soft as the previous ones. Turning the sheets back and sliding under the warm covers, Kagome decided they felt even better than the previous ones. Kagome left her earbuds and slowly drifted to sleep, anxious about the upcoming training session.

Mujina- badger yokai

I hope everyone had good holidays! (Christopher Columbus sucks 3) Here's the chapter for this week! Enjoy!