Thank you for all the reviews! It's really helping me to keep writing! Kind of a short chapter, but I felt like I had accomplished everything I needed to for this particular episode...
A week came and went in the blink of an eye. Nothing extraordinary happened, except for everyone finding out that Shane was gone. Rick and Tea did not explain that he was possibly dead, just that he had left. Apparently, the gap left by Shane's disappearance was to be filled by Tea by default. If Rick wasn't around to ask something, many in the group had started coming to Tea for advice. Rick and T-Dog had taken Randall out, at least 18 miles, now that he was healed enough to move on his own. Tea had stayed behind on Rick's request to keep an eye on the camp and make sure everyone was safe.
She'd gone to the farmhouse and was in the kitchen with Maggie and Lori. They were making lunch for Beth, while Tea was making more of the tea she had been giving the girl. It was just a strong relaxant made from chamomile, lavender, and lemon balm, but still, Beth insisted it tasted the best when Tea made it herself. And Tea couldn't deny the girl's request when she was sick. So here she was, in the kitchen with the woman who was giving her the cold shoulder since Shane had disappeared and the woman who was madly in love and not sure what was going on with her boyfriend. It was a real life TV drama!
"Rick say anything to you about Glenn when they got back from town?" Maggie asked Lori.
"Just that it had gotten pretty bad," Lori hummed.
"He's not the same. Blames me. Says he froze. Blames me. Says I got inside his head," Maggie lamented.
"He came back, that's all that matters," Lori told the girl. "Men have to do certain things, you know that. And they're either gonna blame the little woman as the reason they do 'em or the reason they don't. I'll tell you something, what happens out there happens out there. And we," she paused to gather her thought, Tea trying to contain her laughter at the misogynistic bullshit spewing out of Lori's mouth. "We're just trying to keep it together 'til they get back."
"Things were good," Maggie started. "Maybe I –"
"Glenn's a big boy," Lori interupted. "He makes his own choices. And you, do you have anything to apologize for?" When Maggie shook her head, Lori continued, "Tell him to man up and pull himself together. Just never say man up, it never goes well," she chuckled.
Tea did full on laugh then, "That's great. Give the woman bullshite 'bout men blamin' women. What a crock a shite," she repeated, holding her stomach and trying to contain her laughter. "Maggie, the man is confused 'bout 'ow he feels 'cause he ain' eva felt this way 'bout someone 'fore. He ain' blamin' ya, I promise ya that. That boy would die for ya any day a the week. He's jus' confused and scared 'bout how he's feelin', and he put it off on ya like he blamed ya. But he doesn' and he feels guilty as hell for puttin' it on ya. I promise ya that. He'll grow a pair 'ventually and come 'round."
"Again, how do you know that?" Lori asked with a glare. "Psychology doesn't mean you know how people feel."
"Lori, it's saprisingly easy ta tell how people feel. 'Sides, I already talked ta the man 'bout 'is attitude. Ya know, some people actually are willin' ta talk ta me," Tea responded with a glare of her own. "Didn' know I'd be in here with y'all when y'all'd talk 'bout it, but I already talked ta him. I ain' said nothin' he didn' say himself. And so ya know," she said to Maggie with a smirk, "tellin' 'em ta grow a pair works infinitely betta than tellin' 'em ta man up. Even I got a pair, they're jus' on me chest and a hell a lot bigga!"
Maggie finally started laughing, "Let me get this to Beth."
"You go on," Lori said. "I got it."
As she left the room, Maggie looked at Tea, "Did you really talk to him?"
"Yeah, last night. Couldn' take that broken look on ya face no more. So, I verbally beat the shite outta him 'til 'e talked. He loves ya, Maggie, he does. He's jus' havin' a hard time dealin' with warrin' emotions. Man feels like 'e let the camp down by keepin' safe for ya. Feels like he's riskin' the camp's safety all 'cause he froze. Then he's guilty 'cause he took it out on ya when he's the one feelin' guilty. One thing Lori was right 'bout, people have ta do things. Not jus' men, women too. So, here's what ya gotta do. Ya go ta that boy, ya don' give him the chance ta back away, and ya kiss him senseless. Tell 'im when 'e's ready ta talk, ya'll be there. Then walk the fuck away like nothin' happened," Tea told the woman. "Men like Glenn, be a bit aggressive and they'll clean their shite up quickly."
"You sure know a lot about men," Maggie said with a smirk of her own.
"Nah, I know people. People include men. Imma take this tea ta Beth."
Getting into the room, she watched as Lori tried unhelpfully to console Beth. "I know how hard it is. I tried for days to reach my mom. Get her on the phone. I can only assume –"
"It's just so pointless," the teen cried.
"You have Maggie, your father, Patricia and Jimmy," Lori said. "And you gotta stay strong for them. I wish I could promise you it would be alright in the end. I can't, but, we can make now alright, and we have to."
Beth looked over and gave her a thank you that she obviously didn't mean. Lori was right that they could make now alright, but everything Lori had said was no help to the girl. Of course, Lori smiled and petted the girl's head as if she'd done some good, telling her she'd be back soon enough to take a walk outside. No sooner had she picked up the plate did she notice Tea standing there.
"I brought ya some tea," she told the blonde teen.
"Thank you."
As Lori left the room, Tea sat down on the bed and looked off into space, "Ya know, I don' know much 'bout grievin'. I know all 'bout grief and the process a goin' through it, don' get me wrong. I jus' can' grieve. Bein' autistic sometimes is a blessin', 'cause I can focus on anythin' I need ta. But sometimes it's a curse, 'cause I can' feel what I should. I can' begin ta imagine how ya feelin'. I really can', 'cause I can' feel loss like y'all can. But I do know that sometimes life can be more'n what we feel we can handle. Thing is, Beth, ya a hell a lot stronga than ya think ya are. Ya'll live through this and become even stronga yet. Don' be givin' up jus' yet, ya hear? Ain' askin' for a promise, jus' that ya'll try."
Beth looked at her, eyes shining with unshed tears as she nodded her head, reaching under the pillows and handing a knife over. Tea's eyes widened just slightly before she took it, a soft smile of understanding on her lips. She put it down on the nightstand and decided that the girl needed something she rarely gave to others. Wrapping her arms around Beth, she crushed the girl into her chest in a tight bear hug, the girl returning the gesture as she broke down sobbing. So this is what Daryl feels like when I do this ta him, she thought to herself. Neva knew it felt so good ta comfort someone.
Lori walked back into the room at that and looked at the two young girls. She caught sight of the knife then, grabbed it and left without uttering a single word. Of course, that didn't stop her from running back inside the room a few minutes later, Beth's sobbing finally broken into silent tears. Another few minutes later, Maggie came into the room and immediately asked for privacy. Tea let go of Beth before telling Maggie to go easy on her and leaving the room with Lori and going downstairs. There, she, Andrea, and Lori stood in the kitchen as a fight ensued upstairs; Maggie didn't want to understand any of Beth's reasons and Beth was already rethinking her choice but was being relentlessly hounded by her sister.
"Where's Hershel?" Andrea asked.
"He doesn't want to find out yet," Lori said.
"I doubt that, prolly hasn' been told yet. Ya know I was dealin' with it?" she told Lori.
"It's a family affair. We'll let them work it out," Lori said dryly.
"That's working it out?" Andrea huffed, exasperated with Lori's attitude.
"When Beth stops fighting, that's when it's time to worry," Lori responded.
"No the fuck it's not!" Tea said incredulously. "Lori, where'd ya get ya damn psychology degree at, huh? Fuck, where'd ya learn ya empathy at?! Ya gotta help 'er find a reason ta fight, not jus' expect 'er ta have one! That's what I was doin' when ya barged in and didn' even say a word! The fuck ya think I was 'oldin' 'er for?! Shites and giggles?! I don' fuckin' hug no one but Daryl and Phia on occasion, but I was fuckin' huggin' that girl! Ya might a jus' ruined what little comfort and fight I gave 'er!"
"This could've been handled better," Andrea agreed.
"How so?" came the huffed reply.
"You should've just left well enough alone. Out of everyone on this farm, Tea's the only one with any knowledge of psychology. You saw her in there with her and you should have let her handle it," Andrea said.
"Well I apologize if I wasn't going to let the blind lead the blind. You really think you could go in there and help her get through grief after that display at the barn last week?" Lori asked.
"I had 'er breakin' down, didn' I?! I had 'er feelin' somethin' for the first time all week! That's what she needed! Ta feel! Ta let it become real! Ta know someone was there for 'er that wasn' gonna push 'er inta anythin' or push anythin' on 'er! She fuckin' gave me the knife willingly, Lori! That's what I did. Ya came in like a bat outta hell and ruined it. I'm tellin' ya, if that little girl finds a way ta try 'cause ya took the calm outta the situation, it's on ya head Lori," Tea said, pushing off the counter she'd been leaning on and walking to the doorway of the kitchen and leaning on it just to put distance between her and the pregnant woman.
"You were wrong, like Dale taking my gun when I had no intention of using it on myself. That wasn't your decision to make when it comes to that type of situation. Tea's the professional in this situation; she should be handling this. Beth has to choose to live on her own. She has to find her own reasons, just like Tea said."
"You want me to tie a noose for her?" Lori scoffed.
"If she's serious, she's going to find a way," Andrea retorted.
"Doesn't mean I can't stop her or let her know that I care," Lori said, clearly bored with the fight.
"Stoppin' ain' helpin', Lori, and assumin' how she's feelin' ain' showin' ya care."
"That doesn't even have anything to do with it, Lori," Andrea stated reasonably. "She only has so many choices in front of her, and she's starting to believe the best one is suicide."
"That's not an option."
"'Course it is," Tea said.
"She doesn't need to be yelled at or treated like a child," Andrea followed up; Tea knew Andrea knew exactly what she was talking about because what had happened with her and Dale.
"She needs a loaded gun, right?"
"Fuck's sake, Lori, ya even listen ta yaself? It ain' 'bout what YOU think she needs! It's what she actually needs that ya don' even wanna consida! That little girl needs psychological help. Can ya give it? Fuck no! Ya jus' messed up the bit I was able ta give, so forgive me if I don' let ya go in there any time soon."
"I came through it," Andrea told the woman gently.
"And became such a productive member of the group," Lori chided. "Let Maggie handle this her way."
"I contribute. I help keep this place safe," Andrea told her.
"The men can handle this on their own," Lori told her with conviction. "They don't need your help."
"Are ya fuckin' kiddin' me right now?"
"The same goes for you."
"I'm sorry, but what would you have us do?" Andrea asked, feeling every bit as peeved as Tea was.
"Oh, there's plenty of work to go around," Lori started.
"Are you serious?" Andrea asked. "Everything falls apart, you're in my face over skipping laundry?"
"Puts a burden on the rest of us, on me and Carol and Patricia and Maggie," Lori sighed.
"Ya got plenty a men out there doin' nothin' that can help with ya domestic shite, Lori. Don' see ya up their asses for not helpin' out. There's six women, eight if ya count Beth and Phia, and seven men, eight if ya count Carl. That seems like plenty a damn help ta me! Everyone should contribute equally in everythin' so long as they can. Takin' watch, doin' the wash, cookin' the food, checkin' snares. What? Ya think ya can hide behind a man the entire time now? Ya think jus' 'cause we're women we got some right not ta get our hands dirty? Grow the fuck up, Lori! The stone ages have passed!"
"We've been cooking and cleaning and caring for Beth and you two, you don't care about anyone but yourselves. You sit up on that RV, working on your tan with a shotgun in your lap," Lori told Andrea before turning to Tea, "And you, you spend your days doing God knows what with Daryl. Can't imagine the two of you doing much of anything productive."
"I am on watch against walkers," Andrea shot back at the woman. "That is what matters, not fresh mint leaves in the lemonade."
"And we are providing stability," Lori cut her off. "We are trying to provide a life worth living."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, Daryl and I are providin' stability by huntin'. Ya providin' imagery. False hope that shite can stay the same in this day and age. And how dare ya fuckin' say I'm doin' gods know what with Daryl all day! I've been in this house more'n ya since Beth went down, makin' teas for Patricia ta help 'er sleep, Maggie so she wasn' so stressed, Beth jus' ta keep 'er strength up while she was unresponsive, and then so she don' need a constant sedative! And ya fuckin' know it 'cause I'm in 'ere every damn time ya are, makin' the damn tea 'cause Beth don' like how ya make it 'cause ya add extra shite ta it! I spend a lot a time with Daryl, I get it. He's the first one ta make me feel safe, and it makes me antsy bein' away from 'im for too long, but we go huntin' and take down walkas we find in the woods so we don' get too many close ta camp. Rick don' seem ta mind how I do things, so why's it got ya panties in such a wad?" Tea asked crudely.
"Look, I went after Rick. I took down two walkers," Lori said, also getting out, "Don't act like you're the only ones who can take care of themselves."
"After crashing Maggie's car," Andrea spoke over her. "You ever apologize for that?"
"Crashing her?" Lori shook her head. "You're insane."
"No, ya are," Tea said. "Ya love callin' me crazy, sayin' I'm unstable, but ya can' even hear yaself. It's like talkin' ta a TV with ya; I can make any argument I want, but I ain' changin' the dialogue any."
"You're the one that's self-centered," Andrea chimed in. "The way you take it all for granted."
"My husband is out there for the hundredth time. My son was shot. Don't you dare tell me that I take this for granted," Lori seethed, stepping up to the counter and leaning on it towards Andrea, looking like a caged cat.
"You don't get it, do you?" Andrea asked as she leaned in, cool as a cucumber; Tea briefly commended the blonde for that. She was losing her shit by now. "Your husband came back from the dead, your son too. And now you've got a baby on the way. The rest of us have piled up our losses, me, Tea, Beth, but you just keep on keeping on."
"We have all suffered," Lori sighed.
"Ya haven' suffa'd, Lori. Ya've had ta go through a lot a shite like the rest a us, but ya ain' lost shite yet."
"Playing house," Andrea just kept going. "Acting like the queen bee, laying down rules for everyone but yourself. You know what? Go ahead. Go in there and tell that little girl that everything's gonna be okay, just like it is for you. She'll get a husband, a son, a baby, boyfriend. She just has to look on the bright side," she said sarcastically as she sighed and walked off.
"That girl up there, she needs help, Lori. Not a motha on a rampage thinkin' she knows what's best when she don'. Ya stay outta the way when it comes ta Beth from now on and do 'xactly as I say. Othawise, the consequences are on ya and ya alone. I ain' gonna be held responsible for ya fuckin' up like ya jus' did," Tea told her, leaving the woman looking visibly shaken.
"I did what I needed to do," Lori said.
"Ain' what she needed, Lori. Ya a fuckin' selfish bitch if ya think what ya need outweighs what she does."
At that moment, Maggie walked into the kitchen, "Tea, do you think we could talk to you?"
"'Course, suga," Tea said, casting a sideways smirk at Lori when Maggie turned her back.
She followed the older sister back up to Beth's room to find the young girl sitting on the bed looking haggard. It didn't take too long for her to understand the situation and know that she needed to mediate and explain what they themselves couldn't. Oh joy, a family therapy session. This is gonna suck, she thought to herself. The last thing she wanted was to be in the middle of another catastrophe like earlier.
"So, who's sharin' first?" she said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Mom would be ashamed to learn she'd raised such a coward," Maggie said.
"Mags, that ain' helpin' any. She don' need ta be made ta feel any worse than she already does."
"What about dad, Beth?" Maggie asked, bringing the topic back.
"He's clueless. He had us waitin' for a cure," Beth told her with a glare.
"He knows he was wrong."
"When has dad ever admitted he was wrong? He's tellin' Rick's group what they want to hear."
"And Jimmy?"
"We went out for three months and now I'm married to him?"
"And me?" Maggie said, obviously hurt. "You could do that to me? I can't take another funeral."
"You can't avoid it," Beth whispered with a sad smile.
"She is right 'bout that, Maggie. Ya gotta prepare yaself. Shite's gonna hit the fan long 'fore ya ready if ya ain' careful," Tea told her before turning to Beth. "Beth, can I ask ya a question that might be a bit difficult?" The teen nodded. "Would ya roll ova and let a man take ya jus' 'cause he was big and tough?" Beth adamantly shook her head negatively, earning a small smile from Tea, "Then why would ya wanna roll ova and let life fuck ya jus' 'cause it got a little too big and tough for ya? 'Specially when ya got plenty a hands willin' ta help lighten the load. Imma tell ya somethin' not even Daryl knows. I like ta say I'm eitha too weak or too strong for suicide," Tea told them, making both look at her. "I had a shite life, shite family. Used ta think it'd be betta if I rolled ova and died. But then every time I tried, and there were a few, all with pills, I'd throw 'em up 'cause I'd get scared and determined all at once. Scared ta die, determined ta live. So I'm eitha too strong ta die and too weak ta live, or too weak ta die and too strong ta live. Eitha way, I know I ain' givin' up." Both were watching her raptly now, as if she was saying something profound, when she was just oversharing again, trying to let them know she knew how it felt to have that urge, but at the end of the day never go through with it. "I got things ta live for now. Daryl, Sophia, the two a ya. I got a family that actually mattas ta me. That give me hope for a betta future. I dunno if that's 'nough a thought for ya ta keep tryin' a while longa, but ya got family, Beth, ya ain' eva gonna be alone in this."
She and Maggie left the house shortly after that, Tea assuring Maggie that Beth needed time to herself. Smothering the girl wasn't going to help her get over her hunch, let alone the fact that they needed to show they trusted her with herself. When they walked around the back of the farmhouse from the orchard, Lori saw them and immediately ran up, not believing that they would leave Beth alone.
"Are you crazy?" Lori asked them.
"'Ccordin' ta ya," Tea quipped.
"What's wrong?" Maggie asked calmly.
"You left Beth alone!"
"Is she alright?" Maggie asked, suddenly concerned.
"She wasn't in her room," Lori said as Maggie and Tea took off towards the house, Lori hot on their heels.
The panic was of no use, because as they rounded the corner leading to the porch, Beth was sitting on the swing. She looked surprised by their sudden approach followed by guilt and anger, causing Tea to bristle and turn on her heel so fast Lori crashed right into her. She held the woman by her arms so that she wouldn't fall, but also didn't let go, shaking her a bit as she spoke loudly.
"Ya useless woman! Ya had us thinkin' somethin' was wrong without even checkin' if somethin' was first! She's jus' fuckin' sittin' on the porch! She's jus' fine like I knew she would be!"
"What's going on here?" Hershel asked as he walked up.
"Oh, nothin'. Beth was havin' a moment earlia and Lori blew it outta proportion. Made it worse than it really was," Tea summed up to Hershel. "I had Mags come outside for some air ta give Beth 'er space and Lori came 'round ta us actin' up a fuss. All but insinuated somethin' bad had happened ta Beth."
"Now look, Beth was –" Lori started.
"That is not ya place, Lori!" Tea snapped at her. "Talk ta ya girls, Hershel. Let them tell ya themselves what happened. It's all good now, I promise."
"I trust ya," Hershel told the petite woman. "Seems like once again you've helped my girls. I'm startin' to owe you many a thank you."
"Ya family. Family looks out for each otha," she told the man with a shrug before walking up to the porch. "Sorry, kiddo. Lori ovareacted. Again."
"It's fine. Thank you for trusting me, and letting me tell daddy," the girl said.
"Don' worry, baby girl. Like I said, ya ain' in this alone."
She stayed at the house long enough to play mediator again before leaving to spend time with Daryl. They spent the afternoon in the woods hunting before heading back to the group for dinner. Later that evening, Rick and T-Dog came back with Randall in tow. Apparently, he knew the Greenes via Maggie, and therefore could easily find his way back to the farm, or meet up with his people and lead them back. In the end, they'd locked him back in the tool shed. Rick asked Tea and Daryl to help get any information they could from the young man in the morning. They needed to know exactly what they were dealing with before they made a decision on what to do. Tea told Daryl he didn't need to be in the shed, he could just stand guard and she could do the questioning, but he wasn't having any of that. Besides, he pointed out that they could play good cop/bad cop if they both went in.
Updated 9/7/21