He was lying in his bed at the loft apartment, it was incredible how tired he had all of a sudden become upon entering his apartment, like all of the energy had been sucked right out of him. He had gone straight to bed, not even bothering to take off his clothes or lay under the covers, he would be up again in no time, running to escape the thoughts and then another thought occurred to him, he had some sleeping tablets in the cabinet, maybe one wouldn't hurt. As he stood with the pill bottle in hand and looked at it he wondered if maybe it would hurt to take more than one, just two or even three, just so that he wouldn't wake through the night
No that can kill you if you take to many
A voice sounding astonishing much like Hen sounded in his head, but the thought of him dying wasn't as uncomfortable as he would have thought it in the past. No he didn't wanna die he said to himself and put the pill bottle back in his medicine cabinet. He layed back down on the bed and started to cry, when had this become his life? He went to the kitchen just for a glass of water but a knife was laying on the counter and the temptation to end it all again hit him, it would be so easy and nobody would even gonna miss him
Maddie would miss you
A voice sounding like Chimney said in his mind and a tear fell down his cheek. 'Maddie would get over it' he told himself and picked up the knife, but his hands were shaking so much that he quickly dropped it, he started to cry, why couldn't he just do this one simple task and rid the world of the burden known as Evan Buckley?
He found himself once again running to get rid of the thoughts and once again he stopped in front of Hen's house, it was as if faith was pulling him here. He was about to turn and run back when once again the door opened and Hen stepped out, how did she always manage to do that? He knew there was no getting out of it this time
"We all manage to suck it up. Why can't you?"
Eddie's angry voice sounded in his head and he fell to his knees crying
"Buck" Hen shouted, running to him in concern, there really was no way out of this for him now he thought to himself and started sobbing even harder when Hen reached him and embraced him in a hug. "Why don't you come inside?" Hen asked in her most motherly fashion which had Buck just nod and follow her inside still sobbing
Once inside Hen guides Buck to the couch where he collapses and starts sobbing even harder if possible. Thankfully Denny and Karen are out at the moment and won't be back for another hour or so Hen hopes. Hen leaves to call Karen and explain the situation to her so that they won't be back early and might even wanna eat out. After ending her call she goes back to Buck who is still lying cradled up on the couch sobbing
"Buck?" Hen asks while getting closer to him as to not startle him but Buck doesn't reply, doesn't even look up from his position on the couch. She starts to worry more and more about the youngest team member. She gets closer, all the way over to him, and kneels down so that she is in front of him now. "Buck, sweetheart, you need to tell me what's going on" Hen says and Buck looks at her with sad eyes
"I wanted to end it all but I couldn't" Buck replies and starts to sob even harder, Hen feels a tightening in her chest at this revelation
"Why?" she replies choked, he just looks at her
"Why not? Who cares anymore?" he asks sadly
"I care" she says without hesitation. Buck looks up at her, trying to read her, she bows down and hugs him. "I care" she whispers in his ear and he breaks down crying again, she can feel each of his bones poking out, can feel how skinny he has become but she keeps her embrace on him a little while longer until the sobbing dies down a bit and his rapid breathing becomes more regular and slows and she can feel how he becomes deadweight in her arms, she lays him down on the couch and finds a blanket to tuck him in with, she studies how skinny he has become and vows to change that and then she leaves the room to make to more calls while Buck is sleeping on the couch