Maddie stayed with Buck that night and when he was released from the hospital she brought him home with her
"So I can take care of you" Maddie said
"You don't have to Mads" Buck tried
"But I want to" Maddie just said, end of discussion like so Buck just agreed
"Let's drive by somewhere and get some food" Maddie said while they were driving towards her place
"I'm not really that hungry" Buck tried but Maddie sent him a stern look
"I didn't ask if you were hungry I said we're having some drive-by food and you're gonna have something as well, even if it's just a smoothie or a milkshake but something with calories because Lord only knows that you need it" Maddie said and Buck knew there was no arguing when Maddie used that tone with him, he felt like a kid who had just been told of whenever Maddie would use that tone
"Fine I'll have a smoothie then" Buck had said, sulking like a child
"Glad to hear it" Maddie said smiling
After Maddie had gotten her food and a smoothie for Buck the drove to Maddie's apartment, Buck was just fidgeting with the straw not really drinking anything
"Buck please try and fight this" Maddie begged with teary eyes looking at him
"What do you mean" Buck said going defensive
"I mean it's not enough to say yes to the smoothie and then just play with the straw, your body needs the energy and the calories" Maddie had argued
I know Mads and I'm trying I just… I need this control, it's the only thing in my life I can actively choose" Buck sighed
"But you're not in control and you're starving yourself to the point that it has landed you in the hospital, and I can't watch you slowly kill yourself without at least trying and right now I am" Maddie said tears flowing down her cheeks
"I'm not killing myself" Buck said
"Yes you are, yesterday you were dead, they had to revive you because your heart had stopped from all the stress you have put your body under" Maddie said angrily
"I'm sorry Mads I promise to do better" Buck said
"Then drink your stupid smoothie already" Maddie said. Buck sighed and let go of his last control, accepting that this was the only way if he didn't want Maddie to give up on him too.
He only finished half of the smoothie before he felt sick if he had to drink anymore, it was a long time since his stomach had had to process anything and Maddie had gotten him a large smoothie, so she put the remaining smoothie in the fridge for him to drink later. Buck felt on edge, he needed to do something, anything really. The thoughts was already getting started, he had to move, to clean, to do something. He started moving back and forth, just to try and silence his inner monologue
You're pathetic, can't even manage to drink a smoothie to make Maddie happy
Look at you, no wonder nobody can stand being around you
Cap only forgave out of pity, he hasn't really forgiven you, he will never forgive you
You're exhausting to anyone around, even Eddie think so, why else do you think he hasn't come see you yet, he doesn't even pity you
"STOP" Buck shouted, holding his head in both hands and tears streaming down his cheeks
"Evan what's wrong" Maddie said, alarmed running over to him, she had seen him fall more and more apart over the last two minutes, seen him wandering around endlessly, she couldn't help but feel she was responsible for forcing him to drink that smoothie. "Evan you need to stop" Maddie begged
"I can't" Buck cried, and Maddie was unsure if it was her he was talking to
"You need to tell me what's going on" Maddie pleaded, Buck shook his head
"You wouldn't understand" Buck said looking up at her with sad eyes and tears still running down his face
"Try me" Maddie said, her own eyes getting teary, Buck looked at her for a long moment
"It's just all of the thoughts, I need to move to quiet them down" Buck said
"What thoughts? What do you need to quiet down?" Maddie asked concerned
"The thoughts about of how pathetic I am and how exhausting I am and how I need to kill myself" Buck cried
"Oh Evan" Maddie said and came to hug him, he let her even though his broken ribs protested the gesture and he had to flinch. "Oh Evan I'm so sorry" Maddie cried into his shoulder. For a long time they both just cried, Buck flinching from the pain in his ribs ever so often, which had Maddie apologising more each time.