ChildishAssassin: I have so many plans for Negan...But first, I have so many plans for Abe! On top of that, yeah, Ani's first reaction when they meet Ezekiel will be completely different from the shock of the rest of the group...And don't worry...I hereby swear, Bobby and Catty, not going anywhere.
The gray squirrel was climbing down the tree early the next morning as Daryl carefully approached and took aim. It must have heard or sensed him, because at the same time he pulled the trigger, the damn thing scurried its way back up the tree. Sighing in frustration, Daryl moved to the tree to grab his bolt, noticing a crack in the shaft of the arrow. He watched the way it splintered as he broke it before he tossed it aside and continued on his hunt. Looking down at his hand, his eyes darkened angrily as he saw the mark, but he'd needed to feel something outside of his head. It'd been a long time since he'd had a cigarette put out on his skin, something his dad used to do, something he'd taken up doing when things had gotten to be too much.
And hell if it wasn't too much right now. He'd lost his girl, lost his brother, and he had a kid that could barely defend herself to look after. All he wanted was to curl up in Ania's arms again, but he had to force those desires down. He'd never see her again, so it was best to just not think about it. But that's all he could think about. How the woods were so much more silent even though she barely made any noise when she was in them. How the whole thing was back to feeling like a chore, something he had to do to survive, where she made it something he was proud of showing off. He knew she could hunt just as well as he could, but damn if she didn't get that look in her eye every time he took down something, as if she was amazed by his every little movement. He was completely lost in his memories of her and the woods, even as they made the anger and rage swell within him. That's probably why he heard the rattlesnake before he saw it.
Grabbing a stick he could pin the head with, he carefully followed behind the snake as it shook it's warning at him. It had yet to curl into a ball, attempting to slink away as he cautiously stepped closer. Pinning the thing's head to the grown, he quickly stabbed it in the head with his knife. It was pretty decent sized, so he skinned it, saving the scales by laying them flat on a log. It was honestly just a force of habit that he did it, but Beth looked at him with disgust as he stuck the snake on a stick and popped it over the fire she'd made. For a moment, his mind took him back to when he'd caught a snake when he was hunting with Ania. They'd had it for lunch and she'd commented how she'd never had rattlesnake before, just water moccasins. That's when he'd learned that the cottonmouth was one of the deadliest snakes in Michigan and loved the water. The whole memory made him hate the fact that he'd caught the snake to begin with, but there was very little prey he wouldn't have a memory about involving Ania. They'd been hunting together for a year.
He watched the fire burning again as he rotated the snake over it. Beth was busy hanging the hubcaps to give them a warning system as he cooked. If Ania were there...He heaved an angry, frustrated sigh, half tempted to throw the snake into the woods and just walk off. Daryl started telling himself that this was why connections were stupid. Every time he formed a bond with someone, they disappeared right in front of him. Scoffing to himself, he brusquely told her the snake was done before he cut it in half and all but threw the piece at her. They ate in silence for a good long while, Daryl not wanting to be bothered by conversation to begin with.
"I need a drink," Beth popped up all of a sudden. Daryl reached in front of him and grabbed the bottle they had with water in it and tossed it at her noncommittally, hitting her with it in the knee. She tossed it back to him, "No, I mean a real drink. As in alcohol. I've never had one," she said as Daryl kept eating his snake, her voice becoming staggered as she continued. "You know, because of my dad. But he's not exactly around anymore, so..." Daryl seemingly kept ignoring her, so she suggested, "I thought we could go find some." As he kept eating, not listening to a word she said, she decided to say to hell with it. "Okay. Well, enjoy your snake jerky."
She got up and walked away, carrying her knife with her. She didn't know where she was going, but she sure as hell wasn't going to just sit there and wait for him to pull his head out of his ass. Beth had her knife, she didn't need Daryl to look after her, she thought as she turned around and called him a jerk when she was far enough away for him not to hear. Trudging along through the forest, Beth was only stopped by a group of walkers that had yet to see her. Hiding behind a tree, she picked up a rock and threw it in the opposite direction. She peaked around the tree and saw that most of the walkers had followed the sound of the rock. Only one persisted in its course towards her.
Beth readied her knife as the lone walker continued towards her, breathing a sigh of relief when it finally turned and headed the same direction as the rest of the walkers in its group. A twig snapping behind her made her startle and turn quickly, only to find a disgruntled Daryl standing there with his crossbow. Daryl was in no mood to deal with whatever teenage bullshit Beth was cooking up when she left, but he had no choice but to trudge along after her to bring her back to camp. She was the only one from the group he had left and he didn't want to be alone. He just began heading back to the camp after he found her, not bothering to say a word or see if she was following.
"I think we made it away," Beth said after a while, getting used to Daryl's silence. "I'm pretty sure we got to go that way to find the booze." Daryl stepped over something Beth didn't catch, only for her to run into the hubcaps they'd tied up. "What the hell?!" she yelled. "You brought me back?" Daryl just turned to look at her as if she was an idiot, only infuriating her more. "I'm not staying in this suck ass camp!" she told him before flipping him the bird.
Daryl had had enough of the little girl's temper tantrum as she turned to walk away from him. Ania would kill him to see how he was treating Beth, but he didn't have it in his mind at the moment to care about that. All he knew was that the little girl in front of him was driving him mad acting like a diva and running off all the time.
Grabbing her wrist as he stepped back over the border of their camp, he told her, "Hey! You've had your fun."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she rounded on him, easily breaking his hold with a maneuver Ani taught her. "Do you feel anything? Yeah, you think everythin's screwed. I guess that's a feelin'. So you want to spend the rest of our lives staring into the fire and eatin' mudsnake? Well screw that! We might as well do somethin'! Ani would be so ashamed of how you're actin' right now! And when we find her, I'm gonna tell her how you just gave up! How you let her go! So wallow in self-pity all you want. I can take care of myself and I'm gonna get a damn drink."
She walked off once again, leaving Daryl to look around the camp. He hadn't let Ania go, he'd lost her. What was there left for him to do but to give up? She said when, not if, the hopeful side of his mind argued. Deciding it was better to deal with the bitchy teen than sitting alone, he sighed heavily before following after her. She had managed to go the right direction at least, as she busted through the trees ahead of him a little while later. An overturned golf cart sat in a field a little ways ahead of them, a building that was obviously some kind of golf club off in the distance.
"Golfers like to booze it up, right?" she asked Daryl as he came to stand beside her. The opposite direction had a bunch of walkers Daryl was looking at, but Beth wouldn't be deterred. "Come on," she said. They walked the long way up to the club, Beth stopping short before heading up the steps to the door, "There might be people inside."
They walked up and checked the door, but it was locked and the walkers had followed them from the field. Taking the lead, Daryl led Beth to the side of the building and around the back. There, they found a set of double glass doors that were unlocked. Ushering Beth in, he took the lead again after shutting and locking the door. The floors were covered in camping gear, which was good for their luck. Daryl found a flashlight, hearing the groans from walkers but it being to dark to see anything too far into the building. Turning the light on and flashing it around, he realized that the reason he could hear the walkers but they weren't getting closer was because they were all hanging from the rafters.
He led her slowly and cautiously through the room and under the walkers into an area that was better lit. There, Beth stood looking at something from one of the many dining tables while Daryl grabbed a bag that had been discarded and began shoving the contents back inside. He wasn't fully paying attention to what he was doing, only realizing after Beth spoke up that he was indeed grabbing a bunch of useless stuff. He meant to throw it back down, but bangs on the door had him heft the bag over one shoulder and usher Beth further into the building. He opened a set of heavy wooden doors for her to go through before going through himself, closing them with a grunt. He couldn't admit it, but he was more terrified of being trapped in this building than he'd ever been afraid in his life, aside from losing Ania. That ship had sailed, though, so he was scared shitless running through the dark building with nothing but a flashlight and a teenager as company.
They made their way through the kitchen area, Beth grabbing a flashlight of her own. She wandered off a bit as they began searching for any supplies they could use. He found some Bit 'O' Bacon and pocketed them before hearing pots and pans clanging in another room. He paused in his search upon hearing it, but determined it was only Beth when they stopped a moment later. It wasn't until the sounds of glass breaking and Beth struggling that he moved into action, though leisurely. He watched as she struggled a moment before ramming her knife up into the walker's head.
Noticing him standing there, Beth snarkily said, "Thanks for the help."
"You said you could take care of yourself," he replied back. "You did."
They left the kitchen and headed downstairs, having to crawl under an overturned trophy case. Daryl moved a clock out of the way so that he could get through, grabbing his crossbow which he'd put on top of the case to get through. Together, he and Beth continued on, finding the store area of the club. While Beth was busy looking at clothes, Daryl pocketed all the mints he found at the register. Not able to find anything else worth doing, he sat down, looking at a corpse Beth had accidentally shown her light on and frozen upon seeing it. She was bolted to the door, it looked, her shirt open and a plaque saying 'rich bitch' stapled to her chest. Daryl didn't give two shits about it, but of course Beth had to try to do something about it. Looking at him sitting there, Beth gave him a pointed look.
"Help me take her down," she told him.
"It don't matter," he said. "She's dead."
"It does matter, and you know it. Ani wouldn't want her left."
Daryl considered her words and picked up a blanket, draping it over the corpse before the two of them headed down the hall. The clock Daryl had righted before chimed, making them both jump and turn to look at it. Hurrying their steps, they turned a corner only for walkers to block their way. Daryl pointed out another way to turn, but it was blocked off by various obstacles that ended with another walker. Damn clock rang the dinner bell, he thought ruefully as Beth found another direction to go. He followed her, seeing her having problems finding a way out. The anger in him boiled to a roaring rage as he stopped and thought fuck it. Turning towards the doorway, he raised his bow and fired a bolt through the head of the first walker, using the bow itself to shove the second one away. Dropping his grip on the bow, Daryl grabbed one of the many golf clubs lying around and began bashing the walker.
Swinging the club so hard he lodged the end of it in the walker's head, he struggled to get it out as the next walker came in. He broke it, forming a sharp stake he used to stab through the next walker before kicking a fourth onto the ground. As a fifth walker came in, he dropped the stake and brought out his knife. Grabbing the walker, he roughly shoved it back, shoving his knife into its eye socket slowly at first before plunging it in with a sickening squelch and ripping it back out, splattering his hand and arm with blood. Putting his knife back up and grabbing a driver, Daryl started beating the ever living life out of the fucker, not even realizing in the moment that he was seeing the Governor at the time and taking his anger and frustration out on the walker. It wasn't until he swung the golf club at the thing's head and took a portion of it clean off, smacking Beth right in the chest with the chunk, that he finally came back to his senses panting heavily.
He looked at the girl who just quickly took off the white cardigan she'd just put on off and walked away. Daryl couldn't say he blamed her as he followed her out of the room. She'd literally just gotten a new shirt and cardigan at the shop part of the club, putting them on in the changing rooms while Daryl had been looking for useful items. Again, he couldn't blame her for wanting clean clothes, or warmer clothes. All she'd left the prison in was a couple of thin, layered tank tops. His mind wandered to what Ania had been wearing when they left the cell to talk to Rick, the clothes she'd worn since she'd gotten sick, his poncho being the biggest item he could recall on her. He couldn't help but wonder if she still had it.
"We made it," Beth said, looking at the bar in front of her. She turned around to see the judgmental look Daryl was giving her. "I know you think this is stupid. And it probably is. But I don't care. All I wanted to do today was lay down and cry, but we don't get to do that. Ani wouldn't do that. So go ahead and beat up on walkers if that makes you feel better. But I need to do this."
She walked away and over to the bar as Daryl pulled a fancy bowl out of the bag he'd grabbed. Looking around, he saw a piece of paper in a frame and walked over to it, busting the glass with his crossbow and not caring about the noise he made. Beth had immediately gone over to the bar and begun looking for liquor as soon as they'd entered the damn room, so who cares what they did anymore? Reckless had always been the Dixon way; it was only because of Ania that he started caring to begin with.
"Did you have to break the glass?" Beth asked annoyed.
"No," he said as he began folding the paper, watching the teen flit around. "You have your drink yet?"
"No," she answered. "But I found this. Peach schnapps. Ani's had this. Is it good?"
"No."
"Well it's the only thing left. I remember one time, Ani was talking, telling me, Maggie, and Glenn about college. She said it was really sweet."
"Ania don't like sweet," Daryl gruffed. "Why you think she never ate candy?"
"She doesn't like sweet things?!" Beth said, completely confounded by the knew information. "Guess this wouldn't be good to her then, would it? What does she drink?"
"No, she wouldn't," he answered the first question, leaving the second one unanswered; nights sipping moonshine with her in their tower flicking through his head.
He wandered around the room just looking at things before finding a dart board and taking the darts. He heard Beth muttering to herself as he began throwing them at the pictures of the club's board of directors. Nailing each man in the face, he angrily smiled to himself as he launched the darts, walking up to the board to grab them back up and looking at the girl sitting at the bar. She was staring at the bottle, obviously not sure if she actually wanted to open it. Nailing one of the pictures in the neck, he looked back at Beth who was now starting to break down which only added more fuel to the already raging fire that was his anger. Shaking his head, he strongly threw the last dart at the wall before walking up to Beth and taking the bottle from her, throwing it down on the ground hard enough to break it.
"Ain't gonna have your first drink be no damn peach schnapps," he gruffed out at her. Grabbing his bow, he opened another door leading out of the bar, "Come on."
He led her away from the golf club and through the woods, thankful that she dried her tears before they left and he didn't have to deal with an emotional teenager on top of a rebellious one. They walked in silence, Beth thankful to Daryl for presumably taking her to get some booze, Daryl just trying to keep himself focused on getting where he was going. Neither of them wanted to break the silence for the longest time, but Beth was used to some sort of chatter from the prison and after a while the silence began to be too loud.
"A motorcycle mechanic," Beth said suddenly.
"Huh?" Daryl asked, completely confused by what she said.
That's my guess," Beth told him as they trudged forward. "For what you were doin' before everythin'. Did Zack ever guess that one?"
"It don't matter," he told her. "It hasn't mattered for a long time."
"Because of Ani?" When Daryl didn't answer, Beth continued. "It's just what people talk about, you know, to feel normal."
"Yeah, well, that never felt normal to me," he said as they walked through the break in the trees and out into the field where the small cabin and distillery were. "Found this place with Ania and Michonne," he told her as he stood looking at the cabin, remembering the last time he was here with Ania.
"I was expecting a liquor store," Beth commented.
"No, this is better," he said as he walked around the cabin and into the small shed attached to it.
"What's that?" Beth asked as he grabbed a crate with several bottles Ania had left out and handed it to her.
"Moonshine. Ania's favorite. Come on."
He took her inside and double checked once more whether or not it was empty, opening the bedroom Ania and he had missed the first night with Michonne. Daryl couldn't help but frown at the fact that the place was empty, though he did find one of Ania's shirts. He'd 'accidentally' ripped it and she'd left it behind, opting to walk around in her sports bra rather than put a shirt back on. Pocketing it, he wondered if she'd even managed to make it this far if she even made it out of the prison. As Beth put the crate down on the table, Daryl forced himself yet again to get out of memory lane and focused on pouring Beth a drink instead.
"That's a real first drink right there," Daryl said as he put the jar back down. He didn't plan on drinking without Ania being around to put him in his place while drunk, but he watched Beth as she hesitated. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she answered quietly. "It's just...my dad always told me that drinking bad moonshine could make you go blind."
"Drank Ania's tonic didn't you?"
"Well, yeah, everybody did."
"Then you've already had this, just without all that shit she put in it to make it nasty. 'Sides, ain't nothin' worth seein' out there anymore anyway."
Beth considered his words for a minute before raising the glass to her lips and taking a sip, "That's the second most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. The first being the tonic." She lifted the glass and downed the rest before chuckling and grabbing the jar and pouring more. "The second round's better."
"Slow down," Daryl told her, not wanting to deal with a drunk teen too.
"This one's for you."
"No, I'm good."
"Come on, you're not gonna make me drink alone."
"Only drink with Ania."
"Why?"
"'Cause I do," Daryl said, annoyed by the round of questioning. "Someone's gotta keep watch."
"So, what? You're like my chaperone now?"
"Just drink a lot of water," he said as he walked away, huffing in exasperation at Beth's reply.
"Yes, Mr. Dixon," she said as if she was talking to a boring teacher.
Daryl didn't deign to answer her anymore, just leaving her to drink while he boarded up the windows. He should have done this a long time ago, when he and Ania were out here every couple weeks. How could he have known they might need a more permanent place to hold up in than the prison? He briefly wondered once again if she'd managed to make it here before deciding if she had, she'd've stayed. His reverie was broken by Beth's snickers as she pulled something out of a closet.
"Who'd go into a store and walk out with this?" she laughed as she held onto a pink metal bra.
"My dad, that's who," Daryl said, recalling when Ania had asked the same damn thing the same damn way. "Oh, he was a dumbass. He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use them as target practice."
"He shot things inside your house?" Beth asked quizzically.
Ania wasn't surprised, Daryl thought to himself before answering with a shake of his head and a shrug of his shoulders, "It was just a bunch of junk anyway. That's how I knew what this was. That shed out there, my dad had a place just like this." He pointed at the ratty chair, "You got your dumpster chair. That's for sittin' in your drawers all summer drinkin'. Got your fancy buckets. That's for spittin' chow in after your old lady tells you to stop smokin'." He looked around and picked up an old newspaper, "You got your internet." Growls interrupted his little tirade, causing him to go to the window and peak out. "It's just one of 'em."
"Should we take it out?" Beth asked quietly.
"If he keeps makin' too much noise, yeah."
Beth looked around before grabbing a jar of the moonshine, "Well, if we're gonna be trapped again, we might as well make the best of it." She offered him the jar before teasing, "Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon."
Wanting to numb the anger and pain he was feeling, he reached out and took the bottle, "Hell, might as well make the best of it." He sat down in the chair next to where Beth was crouched on the floor and took the top off the jar. "Home sweet home," he said before taking a healthy drink.
"We should play a drinkin' game," Beth suggested.
"What the hell for?" Daryl gruffly asked her.
"I dunno, never played one. Always wanted to. At the weddin' after you and Ani slipped off, the adults started playin' 'Never Have I Ever' and it seemed like a lot of fun."
"Ain't much fun, just sayin' stupid stuff 'bout yourself," Daryl grumbled. "Never needed a game to get lit before."
"You played with Glenn and Ani at the CDC," Beth told him, quickly adding to it when he looked up. "Glenn told us. And wait, are we starting?"
"Might as well."
Beth took a drink of her moonshine before saying, "I've never shot a crossbow."
Daryl took a drink before commenting, "Ain't much of a game."
"That was a warm up!" Beth insisted. "Now you go."
"I don't know," he said after a minute of thinking and chewing at his thumb.
"Well, what'd you tell Ani?"
Looking up at Beth, he thought about it for only a moment before saying, "I've never been out of Georgia."
Beth took a drink of her glass, "Really? Good one. I've never...been drunk and did somethin' I regretted." Daryl took a healthy drink with a sour taste in his mouth before Beth continued, "Ani told me everyone who drinks regrets somethin' the next day, so did daddy."
"I've done a lot of things," he said putting the glass back down as he rambled. "Damn near hurt Ania after she ran off, and I wasn't even drunk."
"You couldn't hurt her even if you wanted to. She'd kick your ass!" Beth laughed. "You're turn."
Daryl scratched his chin and contemplated, remembering something both he and Ania had in common, "I've never been on vacation."
"What about camping?" Beth asked curiously.
"No, that was just somethin' I had to learn," he said, "to hunt."
"Your dad teach you?"
"Mm-hmm, a bit. Merle taught me the rest."
"Okay," Beth said before taking a drink. "I've never...been in to jail."
Daryl stared at her hard for a moment before asking, "Is that what you think of me?"
"No," Beth said quickly, realizing her mistake. "Merle's been to jail, though, hasn't he? Don't get your knickers in a twist or whatever it is Ani says," she said with a roll of her eyes, although she still wasn't sure what kind of terminology that was. The moonshine was making her say whatever came to her mind, and it felt good.
"Drink," he said angrily, the buzz doing nothing for him as she kept talking of Ania and making him remember all the times he'd spent drunk with her.
"You know, even my dad got locked up back in his drinking days," Beth said petulantly as she drank. "It's your turn again."
"Nah, I'm gonna take a piss," he said as he got up while drinking the last of the moonshine in the jar before throwing it on the floor hard, causing it to shatter loudly.
"We have to be quiet," Beth said.
"Can't hear you, I'm takin' a piss," he shouted.
"Daryl!" Beth said anxiously, turning her face as the man literally was taking a piss in the corner of the room, not caring whether or not she was there.
"Oh wait, it's my turn, right?" Daryl said angrily as he zipped his fly and whipping around on her. "Let's see, never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony. Never got nothin' from Santa Clause. Never relied on anyone for protection before. Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything!"
"You did Ani," Beth said quietly, not understanding his sudden anger.
"Well she ain't here now, is she?!" he roared, kicking some of the junk in the house hard enough to make it bang against the wall. "Hell, it's all just one big game to you, isn't it?! Singin' out in front of a big group like everything was fine, like it's just a bunch of fuckin' fun! Everything just about attention to you! Cuttin' your wrists lookin' for it, singin', hell, even now! Bringin' up Ania every chance you get to try to, what? Remind me that I lost her?!" His angry tirade was stopped by the sound of walkers banging on the walls of the house. "Sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies," he said while banging things around loudly.
"Daryl, just shut up!" Beth pleaded nervously.
"Hey, you never shot a crossbow before?" Daryl said, grabbing his crossbow before walking up to the young girl, his anger completely released with the aide of the drink. "I'm gonna teach you right now. Come on," he said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door.
Slamming it open even as she protested, Daryl dragged Beth out of the house and down the steps of the porch. The last time he got like this was when they were with Michonne, and he'd damn near decked Ania because she'd been laughing about something he'd said. Even now, he couldn't remember what he'd said to make her laugh, just that he'd stormed towards her only for her to literally throw him over her shoulder and onto his back using a basic judo throw. His mind grew darker by the second as he thought about that night and how much he'd come to rely on Ania being by his side to keep the darkness away. He came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs as the walker came into sight.
"Dumbass," he said, dropping Beth's hand. "Come here, dumbass." He quickly fired a shot, pinning the thing to the shed. "You wanna shoot?" he asked Beth, though not waiting for her answer as he prepared to give her his bow.
"I don't know how!" the drunken teen flustered.
"Oh, it's easy," he said, grabbing her and whipping her around so her back was to his front and putting the crossbow in front of her and into her arms. "Come here. Right corner."
He forced her to shoot it before releasing her, bending to ready another bolt as she cried, "Let's practice later!"
"Come on, it's fun."
"Just stop it! Daryl!" she pleaded. "Just kill it!"
Come here!" he said as he grabbed her around the shoulders and forced her to watch as he shut the thing one handed. "Eight ball!"
"Just kill it!"
"Come here, Greene. Let's pull these out. Get a little more target practice," Daryl said, releasing her and storming up to the walker.
Beth had had enough of Daryl's temper tantrum. He was going to get them killed if he kept up with it. Storming past him, she pulled out the knife and killed the walker before he finished taking the bolts out. Whether or not he believed Ani was alive, she did, and if Daryl didn't care about his own life enough to be safe with it, it was up to her to help make sure he made it to Ani in one piece.
"What the hell you do that for?" Daryl yelled at her in anger. "I was havin' fun."
"No, you were bein' a jackass!" she yelled right back at him. "If anyone found my dad-"
"Don't. That ain't remotely the same!" he yelled right back at her.
"Killing them is not supposed to be fun!" she countered.
"What do you want from me, girl? Huh?" he said, getting in her face.
"I want you to stop actin' like you don't give a crap about anythin'!" she yelled back, not backing down an inch. "Like nothin' we went through matters! Like none of the people we lost meant anythin' to you You didn't even try looking for Ani! You gave up on her! It's bullshit!"
"Is that what you think?" he said quietly, the rage inside him giving way to the grief the anger had been covering up.
"That's what I know," she said while crying.
"You don't know nothin'," he told her.
"I know you just see me as another dead girl," she cried. "I'm not Ani. I'm not Michonne or Carol or Maggie. I've survived and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them! But, I made it! And you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid!"
"I ain't afraid of nothin'," he growled quietly in her face.
"Ani told me," Beth said quietly. "Told me how you knew everyone's faces and names. How you looked after them without even thinking about it. Yet look at you now. God forbid someone try to give you hope that she's still alive. God forbid the great Daryl Dixon let's someone get too close!"
"Too close, huh?" Daryl yelled at her. "You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends and you can't even shed a tear!" His voice got progressively louder and gruffer as he spoke, "Your whole family's gone, all you can do is just go out looking hooch like some dumb college bitch!"
"Screw you! You don't get it!" Beth chastised him quietly.
"No, you don't get it!" he yelled back at her. "Everyone we know is dead!"
"You don't know that!" she yelled right back. "How can you give up on them like that?! On Ani and Merle and Maggie and Sasha and everyone!"
"Might as well be," he yelled as he got in her face, "'cause you ain't never gonna see 'em again." He paused as the girl looked about to cry, but the words kept flowing out of him as his grief completely overtook him. "Rick. You ain't never gonna see Maggie again!"
"Daryl, just stop!" Beth said, going to grab his arm to try to comfort him.
"No!" he said, pulling away and turning his back on her. "The Governor rolled right up to our gates! Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped looking...if Ania and I had stayed out there. If I hadn't've given up, wanted to keep Ania closer to home, not wantin' to risk her...That's on me!"
"Daryl!" Beth tried again.
"No! Your dad, maybe I could've done somethin'," he said as he started breaking down. "And Ania...She was barely fuckin' walkin' this mornin'! Had just started bein' able to breathe like normal again...she...she..."
Beth didn't know what to do, so she launched herself at his back, hugging the man as he cried. She'd told Ani once that she didn't understand how Ani had fallen in love with Daryl when he was so cold and aloof. Ani'd responded that Daryl was many things, but cold nor aloof described him at all. Like her, showing emotion had been driven into him to be a sign of weakness, a sign that only brought on more pain. It was easier to suffer in silence than allow others to see what was inside their hearts and minds. It wasn't until this moment that she understood what Ani had meant. Daryl was a weeping mess for a good while, just standing there letting her hold him and wishing he had looked harder for Ania.
In the end, after he'd calmed down they stayed outside, Daryl not wanting to go back in to see what new memories were going to plague his mind and drag him down again. He didn't feel as light as he did when Ania held him, how she could soothe his soul with a brush of her hand or a single, soft and gentle kiss. He couldn't help but keep his head down in shame about how rough he'd been with the girl that was sat facing him a little ways away from him, their feet facing inward with their backs against the wood that made the porch. She was still drinking, though not as much now, and he'd had a few more sips, not enough to get drunk like earlier, but he was calmer now.
"I get why my dad stopped drinking," she said a little while after night had fallen.
"You feel sick?"
"Nope. I wish I could feel like this all the time. That's bad."
"Lucky you're a happy drunk."
"Yeah, I'm lucky. Some people can be real jerks when they drink."
"Yeah, I'm a dick, when I'm drunk," Daryl admitted, using his knife to dig at the wood in front of him. He looked at the girl before putting the knife down and sharing something he'd told Ania out at the log smoking weed. "Merle had this dealer. This janky little white guy. This tweaker. One day we were over at his house watching TV. It wasn't even noon yet and we were all wasted. Merle was high. We were watching this show and Merle was talking all this dumb stuff about it. And he wouldn't let up. Merle never could, not 'til Ania. Turns out, it was this tweaker's kids' favorite show. He never sees his kids so he felt guilty about it or somethin'. So he punches Merle in the face. So I started hittin' this tweaker in the face, hard. As hard as I could," he said, reminiscing and making a slight motion of punching. "As hard as I can. Then he pulls a gun, sticks it right here," he said, pointing to his temple. "He says, 'I'm gonna kill you, bitch.' So Merle pulls his gun on him. Everyone's yellin'. I'm yellin'. I thought I was dead. Over a dumb cartoon about a talkin' dog."
When he looked down and started playing with the dust on the porch, Beth asked, "How'd you get out of it?"
He looked up at her through his bangs and then back down, still playing in the dirt, "The tweaker punched me in the gut. I puked. The both started laughing and forgot all about it. You want to know what I was before all this?"
He looked at her, contemplating whether he really wanted to tell her or not. Ania hadn't cared, but that was just how Ania was. It wasn't so much what you did as what you did. She wasn't judgmental over whether you had a job or not, whether you did something worthwhile or not. She just cared about how you acted every day, what you did to and for those around you, the respect you earned and gave. It was never about what he'd done before, it was about what he was doing in the present. She'd accepted him because of who he was, not what he was. Beth looked up to Ania and was a pretty naive girl. If anyone else wouldn't care, it'd probably be her.
"I was just driftin' around with Merle," he finally said. "Doin' whatever he said we were gonna do that day. I was nobody. Nothin'. Just some redneck asshole with an even bigger asshole for a brother. Never really understood what Ania saw in us, in me. Never though Merle would calm down."
"You miss them, don't you?" Beth asked, causing him to look down and around. Right, not big on emotions, she thought to herself before continuing. "I miss them too. I miss Maggie. I miss her bossing me around. I miss my big brother Shawn. He was so annoying and overprotective. And my dad. I thought—I hoped he'd just live the rest of his life in peace, you know? I thought Maggie and Glenn would have a baby. He'd get to be a grandpa. And we'd have birthdays and holidays and summer picnics. And he'd get really old. And it's happen, but it'd happen quietly. It'd be okay. He'd be surrounded by the people that he loved," she finished before chuckling while breaking down, causing Daryl to focus on her. "That's how unbelievably stupid I am," she said before she took a drink.
"That's how it was supposed to be," he told her.
"I wish I could just...change."
"You did."
"Not enough. Not like you and Ani. It's like the two of you were made for how things are now."
"I'm just used to things bein' ugly. Ania too. Growin' up with a family like hers. Least I knew where my place was growin' up in a place like this."
"Well, you got away from it," Beth said with a small smile.
"I didn't."
"You did," she insisted. "You and Ani both."
"Maybe," he said giving it some thought. "Maybe you just gotta keep on remindin' me sometimes, like Ania did."
"No," Beth teased. "You can't depend on anybody for anythin', right?"
"Did Ania."
"And she's gone, right? I'll be gone someday."
"Stop."
"I will!" she insisted with a smile. "You're gonna be the last man standing. You and Ani when you find her. You are," she insisted with a smile when he simply stared at him. "You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."
Looking at her before looking back down, he told her, "You ain't a happy drunk at all!"
"Yeah, I'm happy. I'm just not blind," she responded quickly. "You gotta stay who you are, not who you were. The man Ani fell in love with even though she still don't trust most people, includin' me. You were the first person to gain her trust. That says somethin'. Places like this," she paused, trying to find the right words with her fuzzy mind. "You have to put it away."
"What if you can't?"
"You have to, or it kills you," she said.
"When did you become a damn shrink?"
"When I was talkin' to Ani. I wonder what Ani's like when she's drunk."
"Freer. Talkative," Daryl mused. "Doesn't shut up about the stupid shit she's done."
"Like what?"
"Like stealin' a car and settin' a barn on fire," he scoffed.
"We should burn it down!" Beth laughed her suggestion. "If you can't put it away, we should burn it down!"
Daryl thought about it for a minute before grabbing the mason jar, "We're gonna need more booze."
Beth smiled at him and followed him into the house where he began splashing the room with moonshine. She joined in with helping douse the entire house in moonshine, smashing bottles as they emptied right along with Daryl. It was fun, and she couldn't help but smile and chuckle the entire time, catching Daryl smiling a few times to. He poured a trail out onto the porch once they finished with the house before standing in front of it.
"You wanna?" he asked as he held his lighter out to her.
"Hell yeah," she answered, watching as he pulled out a stack of cash from the bag he took from the clubhouse.
She lit the money and Daryl watched it for a moment with a smile. He tossed it into the house, watching as it immediately went up in flames. He felt so much lighter when he watched it burn. Beth stopped as they walked a short distance away from the house and flipped it off. When she saw Daryl just standing there, she hit his arm and indicated that he should join her. He did for a while as they watched the house burn, holding their middle fingers in the air like a couple of idiots. It wasn't until he noticed a walker coming towards the flames that he ushered Beth on.
As they walked away from the burning building, the buzz Daryl felt was still working its magic on his emotions. Otherwise, he would have felt terrible at having burned down the only place he knew Ania could look for him rather than freed from his childhood. It would be several more days before he realized just how stupid he and Beth were when they'd drank. They should have just waited there. It was only hours after they left the building to burn that, shortly after daybreak, Ania found her way there.