Azureskye21: Of course I did! She has plot armor! I'm a huge fan of a ship that never got to sail!
KEZZ 1: Your wish is my command! Thanks for always thanking me for the chapters! I do appreciate your dedication to the story!
For those of you have stuck it out, I've started writing a purely smut fanfic with the same name, just with smut after it. It can be tied in to various chapters where I've mentioned they've been intimate before. Just, fyi...XP
"Are ya fuckin' shite'n me, D?" Ani hollered. "Ya and Merle are really pushin' me last nerve!"
They'd been on the road for two weeks trying to get to Richmond. The five hundred mile, almost nine hour trip had taken so long due to having to scavenge for supplies and fuel as well as do some hunting. Which was where Daryl was heading off to while Rick, Tyreese, Michonne, Glenn, Noah, and Beth went on ahead to Noah's community. And where was Ani? Still fucking stuck in the back of the van they'd shoved her in two weeks ago. No matter what she asked to do, whether it was just climb out to sit in the sun or even go to the bathroom, she was being carried by Merle or Daryl, or they'd sucker Tyreese or Abraham to do it. She needed to start walking for more than it took to go to the bathroom once they put her down by a tree, but neither man would listen to her or let her do anything. She'd asked to go with Daryl to do some foraging and to work her ankles so they could heal and had been met with a resounding no.
"You need to heal, Ania," he said in his gentlest tone, knowing she was on the verge of pure rage. "Just stay here and relax-"
"Thanks ta ya and Merle, I've done nothin' but relax for two weeks straight! If ya don' let me go with ya, I'm goin' meself. And if ya try ta stop me, we'll be havin' more'n jus' words 'bout it!"
"Ani, we're just lookin' out for ya," Merle tried to reason, feeling like she was being reasonable about her request, but her legs still needed time to heal completely.
"Stay outta it, Merle! Ya already on me shit list for doin' everythin' 'e says without even askin' me how I feel 'bout it! Don' fuckin' go pickin' sides anymore than ya already have with this if ya eva wanna get off'n it!"
"Ania," Daryl moaned. "I just want you to heal, dammit! It's only been two weeks!"
"And I can' heal propaly if ya don' let me walk! I got the damn air casts on! That's literally what they're for, so's I can walk! I can even run with 'em on and me ankles will be fine! Come on, D! It's been two weeks! I didn' complain the first week, did I? I let ya have ya way and listened ta ya 'bout it, but dammit! Two weeks?! Neva been laid up this long! Even with broken bones I was up and movin' afta a week! Even Edwards only said a week! I'm goin' outta me damn mind jus' fuckin' sittin' on me ass all the damn time 'less ya carryin' me!"
"Told me never to put you down," Daryl said to her, trying to lighten the mood but quickly realizing he'd failed.
Ani took a sharp and deep breath through her nose and closed her eyes, trying very hard to get her anger in check as it began to boil. This was why she wanted to get out in the first place. They'd spent two weeks on the road and that meant two weeks surrounded by everyone and everything that brought about burnout, and damn if she wasn't burning out bad right now. It had her irritable and either snapping at everyone if they even looked at her the wrong way or a fuming, silent being that ignored everyone's existence acutely. Everyone but Daryl, Merle, and the kids were on edge around her, and if it hadn't have been for Daryl and Merle catching her and Abraham catching Rosita, the two would have been at each other's throats.
"Daryl," she said, her voice barely containing the seething anger she was trying to hold back. "I need ta go. I can' fuckin' stay in camp!"
"Ania, don't make me-"
"Don' fuckin' make me!" Ania roared in his face, her control on her anger finally snapping as everyone who was left behind quit bothering to conceal their attention. "I can' fuckin' take it anymore! Bein' 'round everyone! Ya actin' like I'm a fuckin' invalid! Actin' like I can' even take care a meself or get outta the fuckin' cars or even take a piss by meself! I rolled, bruised, and sprained me ankles! I didn' fuckin' break me legs or back!" Ani was in tears by this point as all the anger rolled off her shoulders into her rant. "Ya don' fuckin' care 'bout what I want or need! Ya jus' gonna do what ya wanna do and ta hell with me needs! Ta hell with me mind gettin' fried 'cause ya don' fuckin' trust me! Ta hell with it!" she yelled, going back to the van, on her own for once, and slamming the door shut.
"She's right, you know," Maggie spoke up. "The two of you have been hoverin' over her like a couple of mother hens since we left Atlanta."
"What the hell do you expect?!" Daryl yelled as he turned to her. "She blew her ankles, had a complete shut-down and then just bounces back? Naw! She needs to just stay where it's safe and she can fuckin' recover!"
"You ever think that forcin' her to stay with everyone might be the last thing she needs?" Carol countered. "Think about it. She always went to the woods when things got to be too much when we were at the quarry."
"That was to smoke weed," Daryl argued, though he knew that wasn't even half of the time she spent out there.
"And over the winter?" Maggie asked. "How many times did the two of you go out to that guard tower to get away? Or on huntin' trips?"
Merle had been looking down contemplating everything before nodding his head and telling Daryl, "They're right, baby brother. I don't like it, but they're right. Been houndin' her for a while. S'pose we should loosen the reigns."
"Hell naw! She needs to stay put!"
"You know damn well that ain't the case. She just told ya what she needs. Now go make things right with your girl and take her to the woods," Merle told him, realizing that they really had pushed things a little too far when the little girl looked about ready to pound Daryl into the pavement before she walked off.
Shaking his head as his own anger and anxiety spiked, Daryl shouted, "Naw! She's fuckin' stayin' in camp! I'm goin' huntin'. Be back later."
Daryl stormed past the van, doing his best not to give it a sideways glance and show just how worried he was about the girl. Ever since Atlanta, he'd been having difficulty with his anxiety revolving around Ania. Seeing her shut down like that had made him over-protective of the girl, and while he knew she needed space from everyone, everyone could just give her a berth while he was gone and let her cool off. She didn't need to go out into the woods and get hurt again. Hell, even if she didn't talk to him the rest of the time they were on the road, he wouldn't care so long as she stayed her ass in camp. Her legs were still all bruised to hell and her face was only just starting to fade from the ugly purple splotch to an equally ugly yellow. The last thing she needed was to be wandering around the woods, have to run from some walkers or something else, only for her damn ankles to give out again. Even with those cast things on her, he didn't trust that not to happen. Just wanna keep her safe, is that too fuckin' much to ask? he thought as he trudged through the woods.
Back at camp, the people watched as Daryl left before Rosita scoffed, "Why is she such a diva?"
"I don't think she's bein' a diva," Abraham rejected her. "Think she's just goin' stir crazy is all. Even the most steadfast of soldiers can go a bit bitchy when they're shackled. She's already a ball of fire tied to a raging volcano; can't see how bein' cooped up has got her tail feathers unruffled any."
"I'll deal with him later," Merle told them. "For now, I'm gonna take the girly for a walk." Going over to the van, he opened the door, only to find the damn thing empty. "Oh for the love a-" he said before slamming the door and walking around the other side. "Fuckin' hard-headed assholes the both of 'em!"
"What's wrong?" Sophia asked.
"She's fuckin' gone too!"
That got everyone's attention as Tara sat a little straighter and asked, "Should we go after her?"
"Ain't got a trail to follow. Girl knows how to cover her tracks," Merle said. "Dammit all to hell!"
"Well, if we ain't knee deep in shit's creek all over again," Abraham said. "What do we do?"
"Only thing we can do," Merle reasoned, still pissed and wildly looking around trying to find her trail. "Sit tight and hope like hell she makes it back before Daryl."
~x~
As she grabbed her crossbow quietly exited the other side of the van while the others were talking about her and Daryl, Ani had had enough. Enough of Daryl thinking he knew what was best for her. Enough of Rosita's dirty looks. Enough of Merle treating her like a little kid. Enough of not being able to do anything without someone watching, touching, waiting. Enough was enough and she was done.
Daryl wasn't even thinking about her, not really. He was thinking about what he wanted for her, not what she needed. Ani knew that things would be different after the prison, after Atlanta. But if she'd've known he was going to turn into Shane and Lori version 2.0, she might have approached things a little differently, even more carefully. Her ankles aside, her mental state had greatly improved once she had Carol and Beth back. Sure, she was still jumpy and still anxious, but it wasn't going to get any better if she had to stay by the group all day every day. She thought he'd understood that, understood her need to just be away; he had the same damn need for fuck's sake! But no! He was actively trying to force her to concede to his will. Fuck 'im, she thought to herself as she hopped to the next tree root.
In her hasty escape, she hadn't even bothered to try to find or grab the kittens from wherever they were. Even those damn things had more freedom than she'd had the last two weeks, making her start to resent her babies. That thought pissed her off almost as much as Daryl himself was. She hadn't worked so damn hard keeping the things alive, hurting herself worse than she'd really needed to in the process, to start resenting them because her husband was being a control freak.
All she wanted was to get away from the group and he couldn't even give her that. Ani had been willing to choke on her pride and ask him, fucking ask, if she could go with him. That was practically begging on her hands and knees to her! And yet he wouldn't even consider it! And when everyone else agreed he should let her go with him, he just told them all to fuck off instead of listening! That had honestly been the last straw for her.
She knew things would change, but now she was wondering if they'd changed too much. Ani loved Daryl with all her heart, but she could not tolerate how much he was trying to control her. There was only one place she wanted to be dominated by the man, and that sure as hell hadn't been happening lately either. He was too worried to let her out of the camp and they weren't fucking Rosita and Abraham enjoying rutting in the buff right out where even the kids could see. Fuck 'im! she thought once again as she punched a tree, breaking open her knuckles before she collapsed in a heap of tears on the forest floor.
"I jus' needed fuckin' time and silence!" she yelled into her hands. "Was that too fuckin' much ta ask?"
She was balling so hard she didn't even hear the footsteps approaching her from behind. The walker had its hands on her before she even noticed its presence. Ani didn't even bother with grabbing a dagger or a knife, just punching the thing in the face over and over again until it's entire skull was nothing but pulp. Standing up, Ani noticed a small group of walkers close by, alerted by the noise she'd made while crying. It wasn't ideal to fight with the air casts on, but at least it was a proper outlet for her anger.
Twisting her body, she used Maui Thai strikes with her fists, elbows, and knees to take down all six walkers in only a few minutes' time, though her movements weren't as clean as she would've liked due to the air casts. Unfortunately, the bloodlust she was feeling right now wasn't so easily assuaged. Trudging deeper into the woods, she brutalized every walker she found with her fists, just trying to work out any and all anger and frustration before she went back to the group and exploded on them. Ani had stopped keeping track of where she was long ago, knowing that all she needed to do was head west to get back to the road, and therefore the group. Maybe that's why halfway through another small group of walkers, one fell with an arrow through its skull.
"What the hell, Ania?!" Daryl roared upon seeing his girl not only in the woods, but practically covered with walkers guts.
"Leave me the fuck alone," she warned him lowly, not wanting to deal with his bullshit as she walked off.
"Hell naw! Your ass is goin' back to that camp!"
"Try it, and I'll put ya on ya ass. I'm done with this, Daryl. Ya want someone ya can control as ya partna? Find someone else! I ain' somethin' ya can jus' treat as a possession!" she spat at him before trying to walk away.
She got all of two steps before his hand was around her bicep. Ani wasn't nice about it. She was pissed beyond anything she'd been before at how he was acting towards her and snapped. Not only did she twist around so fast she pulled herself from his grasp, but she grabbed his hand with her opposite hand and twisted his arm around in a wrist bar. After that, she kicked his knee out at the same time as she shoved him as far away from her as she could, leaving him sprawled out on the forest floor as she took off in the opposite direction.
"Dammit Ania!" Daryl hollered as he pushed himself up and took off after her.
She was faster and smaller than him, and Ani was using it to her advantage. Narrow slits through trees, low-hanging branches, she found everything and anything she could use to get distance between her and her husband. She'd warned him. She'd told him she would lay him out if he tried taking her back to camp and he tried anyway!
"Dammit, Ania, stop!" Daryl called out to her, but she didn't listen. "Ania! Fuckin' stop!" She didn't, if anything, she began running faster. Daryl was starting to get winded as he shouted again. "Dammit, Ania! Just stop! Dammit! I said stop!" he roared as she ducked out of his sight. "Mother fuckin', stubborn ass bitch!"
He kept running, catching sight of her hair every once in a while a ways in front of him, angry as all hell that she was refusing to listen all over again. Keeps pushin' them ankles, they're gonna break, he thought to himself as he called out for her once again. Hearing the sound of splashing, Daryl began panicking and ran frantically towards where he'd last seen her. Panting hard and out of breath, he caught sight of her rinsing her body off in a shallow pool of water, still looking righteously pissed off.
"What the hell, Ania?!"
"How do ya like it, hmm? When ya tell someone what ya need from 'em and they don' listen?" she asked, diving head first into the speech she'd prepared in her mind while running. "Ta repeat yaself ova and ova again ta be denied? How many times I told ya I needed ta get outta camp this past week? How many times did I say it jus' an hour or two ago? And ya still fuckin' ignored me! I ain' so fuckin' fragile I can' lose me mind for a moment and not bounce back! I ain' fuckin' Carol! Or Rick! Me mind ain' fuckin' broken! And how the hell am I supposed ta get me ankles back up ta strength without needin' the damn air casts if I'm not allowed ta fuckin' walk?! Hm? I don' know what fuckin' bit ya ass so hard ya turnin' inta a fuckin' papa bear, but there's only one fuckin' place ya get ta be me daddy, and it sure as hell ain' around everyone else!"
"You don't fuckin' get it! You didn't see yourself-"
"I don' fuckin' have ta!" she roared at him. "Ya don' think I don' know what it looks like ta have someone shut down on ya? Ya think I don' know what that catatonia looks like? That I don' know how fuckin' scary it is?! There've been times me mind has been completely fuckin' clear, yet that catatonia sets in and me body can' move! Ya don' think that's fuckin' terrifyin'?! Or that I ain' fuckin' scared I'll end up like that again? Like I don' fuckin' care 'bout it?! I've been dealin' with this shite me whole life, Daryl! Why the hell did ya think I swallowed me pride ta ask if I could go with you! It was so ya could keep an eye on me but I could get the fuck away from the othas! But nah! Ya have ta be a damn jackass ta me 'cause ya too damn afraid I'm gonna hurt meself again! Or fuckin' shut down! I can' fuckin' have ya bein' like this, Daryl! Suffocatin' me and causin' me burn out worse than bein' in damn camp! I can' take it!"
"What the hell do you want me to do?!" he shouted. "It was like you were dead, Ania! I can't be dealin' with that again!"
"Then ya might as well leave me!" she shouted right back, even as her voice broke and she began choking back sobs. "I can' fuckin' change how me brain works, Daryl! I wish I could! I wish I could be normal like ya! Not fuckin' lose me head like that! Ya think I like that it happened?! Ya think I don' wish I could stop it happenin'?! Hell, with all the stress bein' in that city, I should a been shuttin' down long 'fore Carol got hit! But I fuckin' pushed through, didn' I?! I did me damn best ta keep up with ya and Carol and not be a little pussy even when forced ta face a shite ton a me fears! I was already fuckin' fightin' it! And now ya treatin' me like I'm a little kid! Like I some fuckin' baby who can' do even the basic a movements without bein' watched like a hawk! Ya treatin' me like everyone fuckin' else does! Only worse! 'Cause ya know I can' handle bein' in camp all the damn time! Ya know I need ta get away! And ya don' fuckin' care 'cause ya afraid a how me mind works! I knew there'd come a time when ya couldn' handle it. I knew I was gonna lose ya 'cause a it...I knew...I should a neva shackled ya down ta me ta begin with."
She turned her back and waded to the other side of the stream, certain that she'd finally broken them. Ani couldn't even blame Daryl; she'd seen Beth's state and more than one victim being catatonic. That hadn't been the first time she had been like that either nor even the worst. She knew one day something about her would push him away, and it seemed like this was it. Even as the sobs began wracking her body, she didn't stop moving as she tried to walk away from the only person who made her feel safe; keyword being tried.
Daryl watched her turn her back on him, his brain going blank as his heart pounded so hard in his chest it hurt before his body moved seemingly on it's own. Quickly splashing across the stream, he grabbed her and pulled her into his chest and held onto her for dear life. She was right in that she couldn't change her mind. In the year he'd known her, that had been the first time she'd reacted like that, and it was after a lot of stress that she'd already been having problems dealing with. He had only been making it worse for her, more stressful, and he had been so blinded by worry and fear that he couldn't see it.
"Why you always tryin' to run away?"
"I'm not. I'm jus' bein' real. I told ya. Versies and normies don' mix."
"We mix just fine, girl," he whispered into her hair.
"Nah, we don'. Livin' a fuckin' pipe dream's all we've been doin'. I can' do this, not like this," she cried, wrapping her own arms around herself and hanging her head in shame and sorrow. "I can' be anythin' less than ya equal. I can' see that look in ya eye. The constant checkin' if I'm okay even if I ain' done shite since the last time ya asked! The coddlin' and controllin' me life down ta the bone. I can' do it, Daryl. I can' jus' be an object."
"You ain't, girl. You ain't. Seein' you like that," he shook his head and held her tighter. "I just got you back, Ania. And you were there but you were gone all over again. I...I got scared. And your legs. That's on me. I dragged you to that city. The whole thing is on me for draggin' you there. Should a just left you in camp."
"Yeah, 'cause that's been such a great thing," she spat sarcastically. "Ya think ya the only one terrified a losin' the otha? Ya leave fuckin' camp every time we stop! I dealt with it the first week, Daryl! 'Cause I knew I needed ta rest, knew ya needed ta know I was healin'! I did! The bruises are healin'! I have ta strengthen me ankles back up if I'm eva gonna get outta these damn casts and have full range a motion again! I'd've gone afta ya if ya had left me in that church! The whole point I left it ta begin with was 'cause ya wanted ta go afta Carol. I wanted ta be with ya! I didn' want ta leave ya side afta bein' gone so long. Afta not knowin' for so long. I jus' wanted ta be with ya. I jus' want ta be with ya. But I can'. Not like this. Not like this," she repeated softly.
"How do I fix this?" he asked her quietly, his forehead dropping to the top of her head, silent tears dripping from his cheeks as he realized just how badly he'd fucked up.
"Let's jus' go back ta camp," she sighed, feeling completely drained.
"Could stay out a while longer?" he suggested, hoping to give her time to cool down.
"Nah, let's jus' go," she said, pulling out of his arms and picking up her crossbow from where she'd let it fall.
"Ania-"
"Not now, D," she said with a shake of her head as she started walking. "Jus', not now."
"Alright," he said, following behind her.
They didn't get much as far as hunting went, but Ania managed to get quite a bit of dandelion leaves and wild lettuce. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing. Ania hadn't spoken another word to or even looked at Daryl, which had him worried she had meant what she said, meant that she was going to leave him. In the end, it was the fear of her doing that that made him swallow his own pride. Reaching out and gently taking hold of her shoulders, he turned her around to face him. Her head was hanging low and when he tried to make her look at him, she pulled her face away even further into her shoulder. Feeling her wet cheek, he tried one more time, only managing to turn her face to him; she kept her eyes trained on anything but him.
"I'm sorry, Ania. I know I fucked up and I'm sorry," he told her, watching as she closed her eyes and a new wave of tears fell. "Just, just tell me we're still us and I'll do my damnedest to ease up, I promise I will. But I can't lose you. I just...I can't," he choked a sob of his own as her eyes met his.
"I'll hold ya ta it," was his only answer as she turned back around; even Daryl's touch was too much right now. "Give me some time."
Ani didn't want to leave Daryl; it was in fact the exact opposite. She really didn't mind when he gathered her up in his arms every night or when he carried her when she was tired. She loved how he cared for her and looked after her, but he'd taken too far. And he'd been looking at her like everyone else had, like she was going to snap or break at any point. That was something that hurt more than she could ever put in words. She just needed a little space to get her emotions in check before they got back to the others. Ani could only hope that Daryl would understand that it was just for the return journey, not a prolonged period of time. Knowing him, though, she'd have to suck it up before they got back to camp and make sure he knew instead of letting him guess.
About an hour later that they exited the woods and out onto the road they'd left the vehicles. Ani couldn't take the feeling of Daryl's eyes glued to the back of her head any more as she turned around and looked at him, barely managing to look in his eyes before looking down again. He was hurting as much as she was now, wondering how much time she was going to ask for. Daryl physically flinched and stood up straighter when she stepped into his personal space.
"I ain' askin' for time away from ya. It was all too much. Everythin' lately. It's been so much and bein' stuck with everyone for so long. Ya've been up me ass and I'm..." Ani took a deep breath and was honest with him, "I'm reelin' from it. So don' leave me in camp anymore. Jus', jus' don' leave me."
"I won't, baby girl," he told her, grabbing her and pulling her into his chest and latched his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
They stood like that until yelling, wailing, and screaming could be heard on the camp. Quickly letting go of each other they booked it as fast as they could, Ani pulling ahead of Daryl as the cars came into view. Breaking into the camp, she was caught by Merle who told her to stay back. He'd been warned by Daryl about her tendency to blame herself for things that happened, and there was nothing they could do now. Ani couldn't even fight against him as everything drained from her and she leaned over and puked. Tyreese, missing an arm, was on death's door, laying on the ground as Sasha sobbed against his chest. Daryl took Ani up into his arms when her knees gave out as she lost her strength, her arms wrapping around his neck instinctively as she started sobbing all over again.