Chapter 11 – Vacant

"You've been running from yourself for a while,
Waiting for the whole thing to catch fire,
You think that if you burn down you'll be fine,
And maybe I'd forget all the times you lied."

Travelling back to the caves took a few days since they'd decided to stick to travelling at night and keeping to a certain speed level – one that wouldn't arouse suspicion from anyone. The fastest route back did pass by several smaller towns and they needed to take extra caution because they would be at an extreme disadvantage if they got involved in a fight at their current strength. With Sakura pregnant, he chakra control was all over the place and Kawaki – despite his protests - was obviously not at a hundred percent yet. Which left Sarada, Mitsuki and Sasuke – all of which had suffered injuries during their previous battles. After Kawaki's…declaration of sorts, Sasuke had been ignoring him. Giving out orders to everyone except Kawaki. Sarada had noticed a twitch in Kawaki's eye when he realized this but much to her surprise, he'd kept his mouth shut – most likely realizing the delicate situation he was in. Still, her father's reaction to Kawaki's answer surprised her. Had that not been what he'd wanted to hear? That Kawaki was with them?

That hadn't been what he said, though.

Sarada swallowed heavily, glancing to where Kawaki was running next to her. There was no full moon that night, so light was minimal, but her eyes had adjusted quickly enough. He looked deep in thought, a slight crease between his brows.

The answer is no. I wouldn't leave her behind.

He hadn't said them, and that had been painfully obvious to everyone in the moment. Sarada told herself that the tightening in her chest was dread and anxiety, because there was room for nothing else. But she knew that was a lie even as her gaze turned away from him, because what she'd truly felt in that moment was selfish and unfair. They were all in this together. Kawaki should want to protect them all. But god, hearing him say those words had caused an unwelcome fluttering in her stomach and even now, thinking back on it, the tremor in her hands returned. Kawaki was a traitor. He'd betrayed her.

But then again, her father had betrayed Konoha – a fact that she still hadn't fully processed yet. The things he'd done – not only to Konoha, but to her mother…

And yet – as Sarada stared at his back, she didn't feel anger or hate towards him. She still loved him. Nothing had changed but her understanding of him. So why did she find it so hard to forgive Kawaki?

Because he betrayed you, a small voice whispered in the back of her head. He broke your heart. He abandoned you.

Sarada's lips pressed into a thin line. She was more mature than this. A part of her could even understand where Kawaki was coming from. So, why? Was she this petty? Maybe the answer was yes. She was this petty. Petty enough to want him to say the words. To apologize to her, truly for what had happened. Her pride had been hurt, sure. He'd turned his back on her and she'd begged, pathetically at his feet.
For a moment she was taken back, to their encounter in the caves. He'd been almost spiteful then – well, so had she.
I'm not going to apologize.
Why would you? You're never wrong.
I wasn't then.
Yes, you were. I told you, again and again and again, that there is another way.
And where is it Sarada? Have you found it yet?

Sarada's eyes cast downward. The truth was, even now, she still had no answers. No better way of doing things. Did that mean she agreed with his decision? No. She could never stand by that. But did that make her any better? For judging him? For wanting an apology?

Maybe it was irrational or unfair or immature, but she wanted him to say those words. And mean it. He had the opportunity now. They would return to the caves soon. Most likely, at least once, they would be alone. And -
Something fierce twisted in her chest painfully, forcing a breath from her lungs. No matter how she tried, she couldn't even picture it. She couldn't see him saying those words, she couldn't even imagine his lips shaping the apology out. Would this be it then? She wondered, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Would this be the end of our story? Perhaps it was unrealistic to think of their story as a tangible thing. Kawaki had never once given any indication that he…felt any sort of way about her. But she was beyond denying it now. She knew what she felt for Kawaki – what she'd been feeling for a long time, wasn't platonic in any way and still…was it wrong for her to still want him? After everything? Absolutely. Did that knowledge make her heart want him any less? No.
Again, she turned to look at him and this time, she found Kawaki's gaze on her, searching her face – almost as if he knew something was wrong. Almost as if he could read her like a book. Sarada, despite every instinct in her telling her to look away from him, kept her eyes on his – hoping something would reach him. Kawaki blinked, his lips parting and then pressing together as his brows creased, a hard look coming over his face as he moved his gaze ahead once more.
Sarada turned her head away sharply, blinking rapidly as if to push down the emotions coming up her throat.

If Kawaki had a way of denying her without actually saying the words – that was it.

x-x-x-x-

They arrived at the caves just before daybreak, the night already fading into a soft morning light around them. Kawaki trailed behind Sarada, they hadn't looked at each other or spoken a word in hours. Sasuke continued to ignore Kawaki as if he simply wasn't there. As they walked up to the cave, Sasuke undid the genjutsu much easier than Sarada would have, and the cloaking around them disappeared. They went down the familiar path to find a familiar face at the cave entrance standing watch. Inuzuka Kiba. He gave Sasuke a sarcastic look before he turned Sakura and his eyes bulged, jaw falling open.
"I didn't think I needed to lecture you about stuff like this, Sasuke." He said once they reached him.
"And you don't." Sasuke brushed him off easily. "Where's Kakashi?"
Kiba rolled his eyes, giving another pregnancy jab instead of answering and Akamaru nudged Sarada's fingers with his snout lazily. Sarada looked down at the older dog, fingers scratching at his head. Akamaru leaned into her touch, encouraging her and she found her lips twitching up.
"Hi there," she whispered to him.
"Oh, you're here already." Shikamaru said as he opened the door. "Come on, Kakashi is waiting." His eyes passed over Sakura's stomach but unlike Kiba, Shikamaru had the knowledge to keep his mouth shut. He looked over everyone that arrived and expelled a heavy breath. "I heard…about Naruto. I kind of hoped,"
"I know." Sakura said softly as she passed him.
Kawaki stayed close behind Sarada as they entered the caves but Sarada tensed suddenly, seeing the ambush before Kawaki did. Himawari was rushing towards them, Hinata right behind her. The older Uzumaki's eyes scanned through them, once, twice and then she stilled where she was. Hima kept coming, she looked through them, searching for her father as she headed straight for Kawaki.
"Where is my dad?" she asked then, eyes on Sasuke. "Why isn't he-"
Sasuke turned to look at Shikamaru, who nodded a bit unwillingly. "Himawari-"
"No." she said, voice raising now. "Where is my dad?"
Sarada glanced up at Kawaki, a muscle ticked in his jaw again and again as his eyes looked over Himawari, seeing the eyepatch she wore, taking in her appearance up close.
"He's with your brother." Sakura said, taking a step towards Hima but she stilled as Himawari's eye widened and her face crumpled. Hinata rushed towards them then, somehow finding the strength as she folded her arms around Himawari, who was most likely seeing the same thing that Kawaki was at that moment.

Their last moments with Boruto.

Shikamaru put a hand on Hinata's shoulder. "We're about to meet with Kakashi. I'll come speak to you after."
Hinata nodded, her face still pale as she stroked a trembling hand over Himawari's hair as the girl cried into her chest.
Sarada could feel Kawaki sticking close once again as they continued on through the cave system to where Kakashi's office waited. Sakura knocked twice and Kakashi called from inside for them to enter but he was already crossing the room when they opened the door – going towards his students as they entered the room. Kakashi put a hand on each of their shoulders, leaning in to speak in hushed tones as everyone filed into the office. Still, Kawaki stayed close to her, following Sarada as she took her place next to Mitsuki on the other side of the room. Mitsuki simply gave her a surprised look but didn't give comment to it.
"I'm too old for this," Kakashi muttered as he stepped back from them and Sakura gave him a fond smile. "Sasuke," he said, turning away from them, "We're going to have a talk about the birds and the bees after this."
"I'll pass." Sasuke said, deadpan and Kakashi chuckled, going around the desk where Shikamaru was waiting.
"Start from the beginning." He told them and Sakura stepped forward. "We found evidence at one of the Ōtsutsuki sites of another way to the moon."
"Is this even possible?" Kakashi mused and Sarada's jaw dropped as her eyes went between the older shinobi. How was no one even a little surprised by this?
"Wait," she put a hand up.
"The moon?" Mitsuki asked, apparently also as floored as she was.
"Right," Sakura said. "Yes. Before you were born, a few of us went to the moon on a mission together."
"The actual moon?" Kawaki asked, sceptical as he leaned back against the wall, arms folded across his chest.
"Let me explain," Shikamaru fell in, "Hyuuga Hanabi was kidnapped a few years after the war. We found out she was taken to the moon and a man named Toneri had ordered it. He is a descendant of the Sage of Sixth Paths and an Ōtsutsuki."
Sarada had heard the stories of the last great ninja war and the involvement of the Sage but…it had all seemed a bit like a fairy tale. Now, however, it appeared that things would get even more unbelievable.
"And…what? You guys all went to the moon?" she asked, looking between them.
"Not all of us," he father said and Sakura shot him a small smile. "No, I went with Naruto, Shikamaru, Hinata and Sai to rescue Hanabi." Sakura's head tilted to the side. "All things considered, we parted on fairly good terms with Toneri, so I'm sure he'll be able to help us in some way. If not, he had a pretty impressive library. So I believe there must be something there to assist us."
"What if we find nothing?" Shikamaru asked, his lighter cap flicking open and shut between his fingers – almost as if a nervous habit.
"Then…I don't know what we'll do." Sakura confessed and Sasuke stepped closer to her once more, his shoulder pressing into her. To anyone else, the move would have been seen as accidental, but Sarada knew better.
The reality of the situation started to set in for Sarada. In the years the original team 7 had been gone, this was all they'd been able to find. One last hope. If this failed there was only one solution left – to fight and die as shinobi.
"And?" Kakashi asked. "This other way to the moon led you to Konoha?"
"Yes," Sasuke said. "The map we found was partially destroyed. Both Sakura and Naruto agreed there was a copy – something they'd brought back from the moon the first time."
"But it's in Konoha's archives." Shikamaru finished.
"And that's why the Hokage was captured?" Mitsuki met Sasuke's gaze. "Did you get the map?"
The room fell quiet. It had been what everyone had wondered but been too afraid to ask. Was Naruto's sacrifice worth it? Did he get captured in vain?
"We got the map." Sasuke said and Sakura pulled it from her pouch, holding it out to Shikamaru who stuffed his lighter into his pocket and took it, unrolling it on Kakashi's desk.
Sarada, Mitsuki and Kawaki drifted closer, reading the map. Sarada's gaze travelled over it and her heart sank when she realized what this mission would take. Slowly, she turned her gaze to her father. Was it a coincidence that the gateway that led to the moon would be there? Sasuke, however, wasn't looking at her, his dark eyes remained on the man next to her. Kawaki had stiffened, also realizing where this mission would lead them and Sasuke waited for some kind of reaction – but Kawaki gave none. He stared at the map but he was no longer seeing it. Sarada knew the twisted memories that must have been going through his head. And that he would have to relive them by going back there.

The gateway – the secondary path – would lead them back to the Kara facility where Kawaki spent most of his life.

But Sarada couldn't hesitate – even knowing that. She needed to make sure her mother stayed here. She couldn't travel anymore – not until the baby was born and she wasn't in danger. And to accomplish this – her father also had to stay behind.
"I'll go." Sarada said into the silence. Kawaki's head snapped to her but Sarada kept her eyes on Kakashi.
"Sarada-"
"Please." She said, already knowing what he would say about her eyes. "I need to do this. I need to see this through, Boruto-" Sarada cut off, taking a deep breath.
"We'll go," Mitsuki said, nodding to her when she turned to look at him. "Boruto is our responsibility."
"Yeah," Kawaki agreed after a moment.
"As nostalgic as this is making me," Kakashi sighed. "I can't allow it."
Sarada opened her mouth, ready to challenge him, but it wasn't necessary. "They've seen the map," Shikamaru said. "Considering who these two are related to-" he indicated to Sarada and Mitsuki.
"Hey!" Sakura protested but Shikamaru ignored her, "And Kawaki's…temperament," Kawaki sneered in response, further proving Shikamaru's point. "Do you really think they'll obey your orders at this point?"
Kakashi was silent for a long moment, staring the three of them down with narrowed eyes. "Overlooking Kawaki's treason for the moment, I suppose I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

x-x-x-x-

News of the Hokage's capture spread like a wildfire among the shinobi in the caves, casting an air of hopelessness all around. If the strongest shinobi in the world couldn't fight them off, who could? Sarada didn't exactly blame them. She'd felt the same when she'd initially heard of his capture. A part of her believed Boruto was still in there – that he would never ever harm his father. Right?

She sat down on her single bed in the small room she'd been allocated in the cave system. She'd shared a meal with her parents after the meeting with the Rokudaime had finally ended. Finally having them around eased some of the pain she'd felt during the absence but made her heart ache for the past – when her father would come home and they would all sit together as a family. Sarada ran a hand down her face as if that would scrub away the pained expression on her face. It wasn't that she wasn't happy – she was. Both her parents were alive and well. Her mother was carrying a sibling in her that would be arriving into this messed up world soon. And somehow, Sarada found in in herself to feel joy at that. But then why? What had hurt was seeing her parents together. There was – as always – a respectable distance between them – but there was an intimacy in everything they did. The way they spoke to each other, looked at each other. And seeing that was just another reminder to her…a reminder she would never have that with someone who didn't want her.
Sarada made a frustrated sound, falling back onto the bed and throwing an arm over her eyes – trying to block out the pathetic emotions she felt. Because that's just what these things she felt were – pathetic, unnecessary, unwanted. They would be leaving on a mission soon. Something so extraordinary – something Sarada never imagined. And here she was, giving in to base emotions like some teenager.
A single knock came from the door, hard and intent. Sarada hesitated, listening. When no one spoke, she ignored it, but moments later, another knock came.
Go away.
The third knock never came. The doorknob turned and the door pushed open, letting in some of the hallway light into the pitch black room. Sarada pushed herself up onto her elbows and froze. Kawaki was silhouetted in the doorway. She could feel his eyes on her even if she couldn't see him looking at him. Her lips parted, as if to say his name, but no sound came. He stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him and plunging them both into darkness together.
Sarada pushed herself to her feet but didn't step to where she knew he was. "Kawaki?" she was unsure why she was whispering but her senses told her to take care. That everything in his demeanour was in a corner – like a dangerous animal. "What's wrong?"
"I spoke to Himawari," his voice was rough and thick, almost pained.
Sarada took a step toward him, feeling helpless as his crazed breaths filled the quiet of the room. "I should have been there. I should have protected her."
Sarada didn't activate her Sharingan to see him. She was afraid of was she would find. "Kawaki…there was no way-"
"Wasn't there?" he breathed, suddenly in front of her and Sarada swayed slightly but his fingers curled around her wrist. Could he see her in the dark? Was his body that advanced?
"I was distracted," he hissed, fingers tightening on her and Sarada winced slightly. "Kawaki."
"If I had just-" he breathed, so close now that Sarada could feel his almost abnormal heat, seeping into her skin and she hesitated, chin tilting up to where she knew his gaze would be. "She was hurt because of you."
"Excuse me?" Sarada said after a moment. "What the hell-"
"I couldn't get away from you." Kawaki growled, stepping up to her, his body bumping into hers, but Sarada stood her ground. "If I had just stopped staring at you for five fucking minutes-" he cut off in a harsh breath. "Fuck you, Sarada."
Sarada's heart plummeted to her feet and tears burned her eyes. "Fuck me? Are you for real right now?" her voice shook as she lifted her hand, intending to shove him away, to create some space but Kawaki's arm went around her waist before she could and his forehead fell onto her shoulder. Sarada went very still against him, her arm still hovering in the air. "Sometimes I hate you." He mumbled, his hand fisting around her shirt. "But sometimes…" he whispered, breath fanning over her collarbone as he walked them back a few steps. "Sometimes," he said again as her heart hammered in her chest.
The back of her knees hit the bed and Sarada gasped, Kawaki's arm pulling her flush against him.
"Sometimes?" she asked unable to help herself, her voice a thin thread between them. Kawaki pressed forward and they tumbled onto the bed, his knees on either side of her, his body on top of her. "Sometimes," he answered. "This is all I can think about."
Sarada's body trembled underneath him despite his heat. His hand fell onto her shoulder, slowing moving up along her neck, fingertips grazing along her jaw and then his thumb pressed down onto her bottom lip, pulling it away slightly before letting it fall back into place. Sarada's mind was empty, hyper-aware only of where he touched her, of the tingling in her lips. Of what she wanted from him.
"Kawaki?" her lips pressed into his finger as she spoke his name and Sarada felt the jolt going through his body at the sound of her voice.
"What?" he asked almost harshly.
"Are you going to kiss me now?" and despite all the hurt, all that she wanted from him – Sarada knew she would let him.
Kawaki went very still for a moment, his fingers almost shivering against her skin – and then his hand grazed her cheek, slipping into her hair.
"Yes,"

x-x-x-x-