When I grow up I want to be encouraging.
"I don't know why but I feel like before Shiganshina." Elizabeth exclaimed letting Levi embrace her, skin to skin. She still could perceive the sensation of his body under hers that let her move as she preferred, letting him penetrate her, and the emotions that had pervaded them.
A quiet evening of stargazing had turned into a clash of tongues as the clothes became superfluous and their moans louder and louder. The moment in which she had lowered herself on him had remained imprinted in her mind, letting herself be filled by him but also by his deep look, which shone under the light of the moon that came through the window. Those thrusts seemed almost not to want to limit himself to pleasing her but to give her all of himself, sinking not only into her body but also into her soul. And the slight mark on her hips, given by his hands that held her tightly but also with fear, had left her with a strange sensation in her chest. Her heart was beating fast, not only from her orgasm slowly starting to subside, but also from the delicacy he had put into it that night. He had caressed her, kissed her, cuddled her, he had shown her the attention that was granted only when they were alone, he had supported and indulged every desire of her and every moan. He had let her decide everything, relying completely on her desires and her caresses.
But at the same time he had taken care of dedicating attention to everything, making her shiver, making her arousal, savoring her skin and then her femininity. Each moan was a pleasure to her ears and heart.
But there was something different, there was a strong emotion that had pervaded them both, forgetting for a moment what would happen the next day and in those to come. In that moment there was no more present or past, time had stopped flowing and the only thing they could perceive was the pleasure they were giving each other, while she danced on his body with passion.
"What do you mean?" he asked, stroking her shoulder with his fingertips and making her shiver slightly.
"This feeling." she murmured, snuggling up against her husband and hugging him. She heard, with her ear, Levi's heart continue beating loudly, this time from emotion. "I'm angry, a little scared, worried. And I have this terrible feeling in my chest."
"Your sixth sense is never wrong."
"And that's the problem." she murmured once more, running her cheek across his muscular chest. It was something she always liked to do, she felt safe. "Is it so wrong to want to leave? I wish this would be over soon."
"No. It's not wrong." he answered, giving voice to his feelings and squeezing her a little more to counter the night cold that was beginning to enter the room. "I want it too."
"I know." she concluded, raising her face just enough to look her husband in his eyes again. "I love you Levi."
Levi raised a hand to caress her face, watching her crouch against it too, and smile sweetly. She almost looked like a child when she did this and he couldn't help but think about how much that woman had changed his life.
"I love you too."
Elizabeth stood in front of the team ready to act. Her serious and rigid gaze hid very well her thoughts about her husband, who with that new tight black uniform assaulted her hormones with every movement. She mentally admonished herself for the thoughts she was having, they were going to Liberio to retrieve Eren, it was certainly not the right time to be overwhelmed by her hormones. She did not know what was happening to her but that explosion of excitement, which she had now for weeks, had to be put aside.
"Little speech to the new recruits Elizabeth?" Jean murmured, pointing to the very young people who had enrolled three years earlier and who, that year, had chosen to join the Survey Corps. Most of them looked at her with terror, that look was capable of frightening them all, but there were a couple who admired her.
"I want to see you all come back." she answered seriously, with a firm tone, giving a direct order and without mincing words. She wasn't good at speeches and there wasn't nothing better than being direct, in her opinion. But that strange feeling kept bothering her.
"I couldn't have said it better." Connor added with a half smile. Elizabeth looked at him for a moment, but without returning that smile. They had learned that, before a mission, she never smiled, definitively assuming her role and not accepting objections. Everyone had to survive, a joke from her could be fatal for anyone. She moved, then, to Armin, who was finishing to fix his maneuvering device, up to flank it. Away from the rest of the group she could give him a few words, this was an occasion in which, instead, they were needed. Armin was different, he needed reassurance.
"You are ready?"
"I don't know." the young man admitted, looking up at her as a sign of respect but also showing her all his doubts and fear. He was the Colossus Titan from four years now but he still hated what Berthold showed him, he still hated killing people.
"You did well. I usually worked out military strategies with Erwin, but listening to you was amazing."
"And is that a bad thing?" he asked a little unsure and she gave him a half smile, only raising the corner of her mouth.
"No. You are very similar to him, but also very different at the same time."
Armin looked at her for a moment in silence, remembering the moment they had all read Eren's letter.
"Are you still mad at Eren?"
"Oh yes." she ended up going to Hange and leaving him alone with the memories of her.
"Is he an idiot?!" Elizabeth exclaimed furiously as the letter was read to everyone.
With a jerk she turned, unable to stay still and close to murder. Nobody dared stop her because they shared the same thought.
"I can't believe he did such a thing!" Sasha added, sitting up on one of the sofas in the room, not looking at anyone.
"I'll kill him."
"Liz, calm down." Levi murmured, trying to stay still for her and for the others, but with the blood starting to boil in his veins. How could that brat really have done such a thing?
"I'll kill him first and then I'll calm down!"
"Elizabeth..." Mikasa began in a defensive tone, but this time the Vice Captain didn't want to hear anything that could defend him, because there was nothing that could defend the way he had decided to act.
"No Mikasa, no 'Elizabeth'! This time he went too far."
Mikasa started to argue about her but as she turned to her, in addition to seeing her anger on her face she also saw pain in her gaze, freezing her in place.
"I'm sure Eren did it in good faith."
"Of course, we are all sure. But it doesn't change the fact that he just made a huge bullshit that could cost us lives. If he does a slaughter in enemy territory who do you think they will blame? Do you think we will be able to survive? If they are intelligent and attack us from day to night we will not even have time to do anything."
"We would all be dead." Connor added, going to sit next to Sasha, as disappointed as the others by the reckless action.
"Eren could push the world to attack. This time I'm on her side Mikasa, I'm sorry."
Armin's words had the power to upset Mikasa even more, who widened her eyes as she listened to him but knowing that he was right. "I care about Eren too but he should have talked to us before."
"So the show can start?"
Elizabeth's direct exclamation made everyone rouse from their thoughts. Levi looked at her for a moment, snorting visibly irritated.
"Tch. I still can't believe we have to do this shitty show."
Levi threw himself against the Jaw Titan, to prevent it from attacking the Eren's nape and eating it, acting with agility and sliding on the ground with the help of the maneuvering device. He moved his fingers so as to detach it and hang it up with skill, aiming the blade at his target and determined to prevent Eren from being killed. But as soon as he had him in his hands he would have made him pay that unconscious!
Elizabeth moved her arm, stretching it forward to the new recruits to order them to wait, livid in the face, focusing on every breath to keep her icy calm.
As soon as the right time came, she pulled her arm away and turned slightly towards them, looking at them out of the corner of her eye.
"Come on, move."
At the command of the Vice Captain, they all activated their devices and began to leap from building to building, while Elizabeth slipped nimbly to catch enemies from behind with her blades.
She slit a Marleyan officer's throat, leaving him bleeding to the ground and close to death before he could shoot one of her companions and she turned quickly, using her blade to dodge machine gun shots that could hit her. With a catlike movement she went to take refuge in the remains of a building, finding Jean in front of the team that was looking seriously at the scene. The time had come but they still didn't understand why the Cart Titan and the Jaw Titan were present on the scene.
"Why are they here?!" Jean murmured, noticing the blonde's arrival but speaking more to himself than to her.
"I wish I knew too." she replied, unhooking a battered, blood-covered blade to change it with a new one. "Apparently if you want something done right you have to do it yourself."
Jean looked at her for a moment: she had never trusted Yelena and had never done much to hide it but, in that moment, he had to admit that this mistrust was well founded. Something had happened and she hadn't been able to complete her task or do it properly.
"Here, the Beast Titan has arrived." the young man then communicated, again attracting the attention of the Vice Captain who looked out to see the passage of the Titan in question.
"It's time. The party begins."
Elizabeth ordered her team to move, catching up with Levi and dodging a few bullets. The blonde noticed a young man holding his gun in anger and disgust but also a lot of fear. And she decides to use that fear against him. With a quick gesture she approached the officer, sliding on the ground to dodge two bullets he shot, reaching him at his feet and harpooning his ankles to make him fall to the ground. Bleeding and aching, she grabbed the pistol that slipped out of the young man's hand and fired a shot in the forehead.
And then there it is. The sense of guilt.
Those people had been plagiarized, everything had been taught to them to feel that hatred. He felt a great pity for them and she hated having to do it.
But she would take some time to let go of guilt afterwards. She quickly noticed that five rounds were still missing from the ammunition end and she used four to accurately shoot four officers who began to attack her. Two to the forehead, one straight to the heart and one to the throat.
She quickly returned to the Captain, while the mission could officially begin, hoping to finish it as soon as possible.
"Don't die on me. Survive!" Levi exclaimed in front of everyone, on a boulder on the ground, drawing his swords and showing all his anger and determination.
And his hatred of the Beast Titan. That bastard had taken out too many people and he even dared to do that drama. He would have made him suffer so much that he would pay off every person killed by his boulders. From the first to the last. And then he would keep his promise to Erwin.
Levi threw himself once more against the Beast Titan, waiting for the end of his bombardment and holding his blades steady, his hands itching with the desire to kill that bum of shit. He hated him from the bottom of his heart, he wanted to see him dead, he wanted to see him breathe his last breath and be its cause.
As planned, Zeke let himself be landed and torn from the back of the Titan's neck, while some brats screamed and other people continued to shoot. Some of them had fallen, he had seen two corpses, and another angry thought went to Eren who had caused it all. He could have talked to them about it and recovered that jerk in a more reasoned way, acting safer but, at the moment, the only security they had was that they were at a distinct disadvantage and in enemy territory. And those damned machine guns kept firing at his men.
Forcefully he grabbed Zeke Jeager's blond hair, pulling him from the Titan's body and holding the blade firmly against his neck to prevent him from making reckless gestures. He did not trust that being and did not even want to consider him human.
His part was over, now they had to wait for Eren and go home.
Elizabeth, meanwhile, after killing another Marleyan with the last remaining gunshot, before leaving the weapon unloaded on the ground, saw Sasha kill a man inside the machine gun with a sniper shot just before it came. attacked by the Cart Titan. The Vice Captain whistled loudly, giving Jean the signal for the idea that came to her mind the moment she saw the two Titan who were not supposed to be present. And the team moved to perfection, executing every single move under the directions she had left to Jean.
The thunder spears detonated Cart's body, showing a seriously injured woman, but waiting for the coup de grace, which Jean rushed to perform.
"Hurry up! Finish it!"
"Don't shoot! Please stop!" A blond child opened his arms in the hope that he would not hurt the woman. And Elizabeth's guilt came back at the wrong time. Why the hell was she so emotional that day? What was happening to her? She had never let a person who died at her hand be forgotten, but why couldn't she keep her nerve that day? Where had all her coldness gone?!
Jean threw a thunder spear at the woman but missed her the last moment and Elizabeth, for some reason, felt relieved. That child could have died too. But she shook these thoughts from her head to lunge at Jean and pull him towards another building when she saw that he was about to be hit by a bullet.
"Elizabeth, thank you."
"What part of 'don't die' you didn't understand?" she admonished him seriously, but Jean knew it was her way, at the moment, of showing him her affection and he smiled at her.
"I can go, I leave everything to you." Elizabeth, then, concluded firmly.
"Sure. Trust me."
Elizabeth winked at him before activating her device and docking with the airship to board it.
Levi reached out to help the blonde get aboard, making sure he was safe before releasing her hand, under Zeke's gaze.
"What a gentleman..." he commented sarcastically, not recognizing the blonde in particular but knowing that she was the Vice Captain, as had already been communicated.
"Zeke Jeager." exclaimed the blonde on seeing the man's face for the first time. "The last time I saw you you exterminated all my comrades, my Commander and forced me to kill several titans."
"Oh then it was you who killed them. I was wondering if it was actually Levi." he calmly replied to the blonde's hatred tone, who was also angry in her gaze now.
"You talk a lot, uh." she commented irritably, before Armin helped Eren board with Mikasa. "Bastard."
As soon as the young man was brought back on board, Levi approached him almost in disgust, carefully studying his appearance and his gaze.
"I can't believe how filthy you are now. You look like you just fell into a pile of shit Eren."
"Captain."
In a fit of anger he kicked his face with force, pushing him back with his back, suddenly, to the opposite wall, without his resistance.
Mikasa made her to go help him but Elizabeth reached out her arm in front of her. If the first time she could not prevent Levi from behaving like that, now she didn't want to. And the young woman seemed to notice because she let Armin hold her and gave up. It was hard to see Elizabeth serious and hurt at the same time, but she was.
"It's been a while Eren. You're as easy to kick as always. We will restrain you first, then we can talk."
"I don't mind. But everything is according to the letter I sent you. Was that not enough to earn you understanding?" Eren murmured with his head down, tired and impassive.
"Tch, your face. It's the face of pieces of garbage I'm sick of seeing in the underground city. I just can't believe it. You too. Rejoice, everything went according to your plan."
"I am very disappointed Eren." Elizabeth added crossing her arms across her chest. For an instant she saw a flicker in Eren's green eyes, almost a slight pain at seeing so much disappointment in the first person that had trusted him and had believed in him. But, then, he hid it again.
Levi warned Yelena, who still wore the fake beard on her face, looking for any reason to suppress the anger, but a loud noise reached their ears from the other side of the door.
"Are they still making a din?"
Jean opened the door, taking two bound children inside. Elizabeth recognized the blond one but the only thing she could focus on was Jean's broken gaze.
"Gabi. Falco. Why are you here?" Zeke asked, upsetting the two who widened their eyes to find him in front of them. They evidently knew him and would not have been very happy to know of the staging that had taken place.
"Why, you ask? Why are you here mr. Zeke?" the blond began, followed by the girl.
"Then you were alive! But to think that you were captured by those devils..."
"Who are these brats?" Levi then asked, tired of that day and with the only desire to kill the Beast Titan. And that skit only served to irritate him even more.
"They killed Lobov and got here using his equipment. And then the girl shot Sasha. It doesn't seem like she will make it..." Jean explained trying to keep the tone of his voice as steady as possible. Mikasa and Armin ran into the other room while they were shocked and motionless, almost unable to move. Their little girl had been killed, a part of their family being taken from them. Again.
Hange entered, still unaware of everything, their part of the airship, letting Onyankopon fly alone, and looking directly at their mock prisoner.
"So, did everything really went according to your plan Zeke Jeager?"
"It was good for the most part but there were some miscalculation." he answered making her notice the two children bound and upset.
"But who are these kids?"
"Miscalculations."
Jean lost control, starting to scream to vent all the anger he had in his body. It wasn't enough, sure, but he needed it.
"Yelena! Weren't you supposed to restrain the Jaw and the Cart?! Some of our friends died because of you!"
"I'm sorry. I've certainly trapped those two down the hole, but that was my fault."
Levi raised an eyebrow at the woman's words, showing all his contempt for Zeke.
"And it caused the Beast to throw more pellets at us than planned, huh? That was quite an improv act for a clown. Don't you agree beardy?"
"Don't glare at me like that, Levi. What would you do if I piss myself? You're quite an actor yourself considering you must've wanted to kill me right there when you can."
"I'm the type who likes to eat the best one the last. I want to savor the taste well, after all." the Captain answered, intimidating and serious. Now with even more anger on him considering what had happened to Sasha. They had no children but those guys were like ones and one of them had been taken from them.
"We killed Marley's army officers, destroyed its primary naval fleet and ports. We should be able to buy time for now." Eren murmured in a tone so calm that he made the three superiors' nerves jump even more, Hange's in particular that no longer knew if what she was in front of was really Eren or not.
"You mean the time until the rest of the world attack Paradis Island? We risked our lives to get you back every time you get captured by the enem, no matter how many of us died because of it. But despite that, you went ahead to go with a plan to make yourself a hostage. As you wanted, we have no choice but to follow along. You trust us, and in exchangem we lost our trust in you."
"But thanks that we now have both the Founding Titan and a Titan with royal blood. All those precious sacrifices will surely bear fruit and bring freedom to Eldia."
No one answered Zeke because Connor entered completely shattered and bruised in the face, without back tears. And he didn't bring good news.
"Sasha ... is dead."
Elizabeth felt her breath fail, she wanted to go to the other room but she knew she could not give up yet. She wasn't in a position to afford it, but she clenched her fists hard, trying not to cry out.
"Connie ... did Sasha... have any last words?" Eren asked keeping his face down, thinking about who knows what.
"She said... 'meat'."
Eren burst out laughing, confusing everyone but causing even more frustration in Jean. They usually didn't get along very well, they pecked each other all the time, but behaving like that only served to make him snap.
"Eren ... Sasha only died because you dragged the Scouts into this."
And Jean's words hit Eren deeply because he not only stopped laughing but, with his face covered by his long hair, he let all his pain show itself.
Jean holed up in a secluded corner, in another corner of the airship where no one would disturb him and he could be alone. But, perhaps luckily, Elizabeth joined him.
"Jean."
Initially he wanted to ask her to be alone, but as soon as she was close to him he burst into tears, letting all the pain of losing Sasha come out. He couldn't accept it.
"Why?!" Jean began, venting his frustrations and feelings. "Why did that idiot do this?! Why was Sasha killed?! Why?! She... she died because of me."
"It's not your fault." she murmured softly, stroking his hair and letting herself be squeezed by the young man who sought comfort. It was such a painful hug that she too felt like crying, wanting to let off steam, but she had to be strong for him. For Connor. For her guys. "Don't even think so."
"If I had been more careful..." he began, then pausing again when he remembered the look she had when Captain Levi had returned from that forest with a number of corpses in tow. She was devastated. "Is this how you felt on our first expedition, when the Female Titan attacked us?"
"Yes." she admitted, without adding anything else.
"And does it still hurts?"
Elizabeth stroked his hair again, not caring to the tears that wet her uniform and the device that caused some discomfort.
"Every day. But you learn to keep going for them too. It will never stop hurting."
"Elizabeth..." Connor murmured, catching their attention as he walked in and found the two. His voice was so broken it hurt her heart; unlike Jean, he hadn't bothered to wait until he was alone to burst into tears, his face was streaked with tears. ".. do you mind if I join too?"
"Come here." she murmured, reaching out her arm in his direction and letting him sit next to her, on the opposite side from his friend.
"I don't even know what to say ... I can't have lost her, we were like twins." he whispered letting himself be embraced by the Vice Captain, who had always been a fixed point for them. Whenever they had a problem they would go to her and when they got into trouble she was the one who tried to get them out of it. They had always been three. But not anymore.
"I've always liked your relationship. You reminded me so much of me, Petra and Erd." she said, increasing her grip a little on the two, who in turn huddled around her for some comfort. "You have every right to let off steam, you know."
"That damned bullet. If we'd been closer to home..."
"We couldn't have save her the same." Jean interrupted, with a slight hatred. But he wasn't addressing him directly, he was addressing the whole situation that had arisen. If only they hadn't gotten into this thing ...
"How can you tell?!" Connor exclaimed, pulling away from the embrace to be able to look at his friend. He was outraged by his words. "We would have saved her!"
"No instead. And that's because that brat decided to get on board and shoot!" Jean yelled, finally releasing the weight he had in his throat. He felt a lump that almost prevented him from speaking. He wanted to scream, run away, hurl himself on the titans as they did before and get rid of all his feelings until he was tired but drained.
"Jean..." Elizabeth interjected, already aware of what he was about to say.
"If I don't..."
Connor let himself be overwhelmed by everything, trying to lash out at his friend giving him a punch, but Elizabeth's quick reflexes prevented him, blocking the punch before it hit his friend.
"Do you think beating yourself will make you feel better? Or burden yourself with guilt?" she admonished them. She knew they were a bit harsh words but it was the only way she had to avoid further suffering. It wasn't the right solution, not for them. "No. It will just make you want to die. Do you think Sasha wants to see you like that?"
Jean and Connor looked down, knowing that she wasn't scolding them but still too engrossed in that pain to go beyond the pain she was feeling instead. She was the only one who could understand them. "Guys, I loved her too. You are my brats. Mines. I never let anyone touch you for a reason. But I wasn't even there when she left. You are her best friends, honor her memory. "
Elizabeth watched them carefully as they surrendered completely.
"Stay a little longer, please." Jean murmured, longing again for the affection she gave them.
"Yes please." Connor added, in total agreement with his friend and his feelings.
"All the time you want." she concluded, hugging them again and letting them burst into tears again.
When the two finished crying and were left empty, still alone, she returned to Levi and the others.
"You're back." murmured Hange, avoiding even asking, in vain, how the two should be.
"Elizabeth..." called her Yelena bet she was so furious she didn't listen.
"Oh so you didn't choose her as your Vice just because she's beautiful." Zeke commented ironically, giving the coup de grace to Elizabeth. Didn't he have even the slightest respect for their deceased partner? She didn't care about all the good intentions that bastard had set for himself, she just cared about letting off steam and he had just given her a reason to do it. With the coldest and most frightening look she had, enough to make even Zeke himself swallow, she punched him in the face, feeling all the adrenaline flowing through her veins. But this time she black, moved with anger.
"Man, this hurt." Zeke commented, watching his own blood dripping from his nose, now broken by the strong blow.
Elizabeth hit him again, this time with a kick in the face.
"Shut up asshole!"
"Shouldn't you stop her?" Zeke asked Levi, sore from the blows he had just taken.
Levi crossed his arms over his chest, feeling even more proud of his wife. Maybe it was a long shot but he also found it terribly right at the moment. Besides, he didn't have to provoke her...
"Why should I? It's a good show."
"Nice temper." Zeke commented again, running his hand under his nose to collect some blood.
Elizabeth lowered her face to his, managing to scare him with her gaze. She knew how to use her eyes and Zeke felt as if that woman was burning his soul with the intensity of that anger, but what gave the chills was, in contrast, that serious and icy tone.
"One of my guys is dead. I don't want to hear your voice anymore unless you are directly questioned."
"I already like you." Zeke added, trying to hide the fact that he felt fear. A strangled sound came out of his lungs as the woman's foot pressed hard between his legs, causing him an immense pain that took his breath away.
"Do you still like me?" she asked again in that icy tone. And he gave in.
"No."
"Good."