When I grow up I want to be supportive.
Levi knew that Elizabeth had no good news from the first moment he saw her bruised face, approaching in silence with Varis beside her somewhat terrified.
The two companions seemed frightened by a possible reaction of their Vice Captain but the feeling was also directed to him when he saw Elizabeth feel even more sick than he had seen her leave. She was pale and she seemed on the verge of throwing up for the umpteenth time and he began to wonder why she had been doing this since… since she had drunk that wine.
There was definitely something wrong with her, in fact there was something wrong in general. His senses were on alert and her angry look didn't help calm him down.
She was so livid that she couldn't even explain what had happened to her husband, delegating it to the two companions. And the news just arrived was not very good.
Levi was incredulous, what they were telling him was beyond his beliefs, he had blindly trusted Eren and now was all that happening?
The problem was Elizabeth's dull gaze, because he knew perfectly well what all this entailed and how she should be. She wasn't ready.
And neither was he.
"He's gonna make sure Eren gets eaten… by our own hands." the Captain immediately understood, turning his gaze to Elizabeth, leaning with her back to the trunk of the tree and with her arms folded.
"That's right."
I've saved Eren over and over, each time, more comrades dying. All because I believed he was the hope of humanity. And look, this is where my beliefs got me. It's like some awful joke. What the hell was the hope we saw? All that struggle for a farce like this?
Elizabeth pulled away from the log to put a hand on Levi's shoulder as soon as she saw him hold his head. She, by now, knew well what they were due to and how painful they were. She squeezed him lightly, receiving a slightly dull, pained look in response but he was appreciating her presence and seemed to begin to fade.
"Such bullshit. It's not even funny. There's another shithead we should have eaten. Eren's not the only one to have an appointment with a titan's mouth." Levi exclaimed angrily, beginning to see red.
"What do you mean?"
"We'll give Zeke's Beast to someone else. Grab one of thoseJeagerists or whatever and turn them into a titan. We'll have them eat Zeke." the Captain answered, then turning completely to Elizabeth and helping her to support herself with one arm. She was pale and weak than usual, she evidently needed to rest. But he needed her opinion, especially after everything that had happened. "Do you agree?"
"Yes." she answered seriously, terribly serious, and convinced.
"I don't know if Eren's really bent manipulated but if they lose Zeke i's all over for them. Tell Pixis and say Elizabeth agrees too. Go."
"Are you sure about this, Captain?" Varis asked confused, but the blonde's gaze on him was terrifying and he had to obey orders.
Even if Zeke loses a few limbs, Pixis will be able to live with it."
Levi helped Elizabeth down from the tree with him, holding her firmly in his arms and just calming down as he smelled her scent so close. A whole month there without even being able to hug her had been hard, that bum stared at them all the time and there were too many people looking at them; but Elziabeth needed him right now and he couldn't avoid more physical contact just because it embarrassed him. After all everyone knew it...
"Nice to see you again Elizabeth. You light up this place." Zeke smiled, looking carefully at the two.
"Yeah, yeah..." she replied listlessly and irritated. For the past couple of weeks, every time he said something to her, she suddenly snapped, decidedly irritated. A couple of comrades had speculated that it was the absence of sex, convinced they had not been heard. Levi only let them believe that because, in a way, he too was very frustrated, and because he didn't have time to take care of them too. Then came the fact that they were all worried about her and thus got away with a dirty look.
"She doesn't seem going well, she's pretty pale. Is everything okay?"
"Mind your own business." she answered sourly, glaring at him with her gaze and getting to her feet to stand on her own legs.
"Enjoying your book?" Levi asked, looking at him with a book in his hands but completely absent.
"It got a lot better after the seventh time I read it."
"I'm sure our conversation up there made it hard for you to focus."
"How am I supposed to get absorbed in a book I've read seven times? By the way, have you got any wine left?"
"We've been out here for a month. There's no drop left."
"Good grief." he concluded with feigned regret, he was not a good actor and they could see that he just wanted to provoke. "This has to be some new form of torture."
"Keep reading." Levi concluded, turning to Elizabeth to talk to her. He couldn't do it before and that news brought something really huge for them, he had to know how she was about it. And if he knew her well, -and he did-, she was not in the least happy about it.
"You're the boss. Boss."
"I don't care what Pixis says. I'm killing him. We have thirty fully-armed soldiers surrounding the forest from above. Beast titan or not, he's got nowhere to run to. Beardo there isn't on our side after all, and now that we know that there's no sense letting him keep his limbs." Levi said as they walked a little away from Zeke, but in a tone that made him completely oblivious to whether he listened to them or not.
It's been so long. Erwin, I'll finally be able to keep the promise I made back then. Your deaths will have had meaning. Finally, I can prove it.
"You think about the promise made to Erwin, don't you?" Elizabeth asked, bringing her face close to his and bringing their foreheads closer. How much he had missed her, even that little contact felt like breathing again.
"Now I can keep it."
"You never stopped doing it, actually." she answered gently, smiling slightly proudly at him. She had always been proud of him and every time she told him he felt warmth in his chest.
"So now it's official?" Levi asked, watching her change her expression into one that was not convinced and stressed.
"Yep." she snorted closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. "Fuck."
"Everything will be fine." he concluded giving her a quick kiss on her forehead.
Zeke took advantage of that moment, starting to run away and then scream. After the initial dismay it was also clear to the two what was happening because Zeke had screwed them big time. All their underlings, their comrades, were falling from the branches and turning into titans. One of them, closest to Elizabeth almost managed to crush her, due to Elizabeth's slowed reflexes from her discomfort. With a feline snap, Levi pulled her over him and activated his ODM gear to climb a branch. Their hearts started beating wildly as they tried to put together all the information they had and quickly figure out what to do.
"What the fuck is going on ?!" Elizabeth asked catching her breath but also starting to feel better as she felt the adrenaline rush through her blood and make her hands tingle. She was ready to fight but she didn't want to.
"That son of a bitch."
"The wine..."
"Shit. Zeke's spinal fluid was in the wine? How long ago did he set that up? Their bodies never rose up, though. Was that a lie?" Levi asked, responding shocked to Elizabeth's intuition.
"Damn, they're fast."
"Their movements aren't normal, is that because of Zeke, too?"
Neither of them knew what to think, it was all happening so fast that they felt as if they were trapped in a bubble, helpless, unable to fully react to what was happening around them.
That bastard had managed to make fun of them and, with Elizabeth suffering from various ailments in the last month, they hadn't even noticed.
Levi didn't regret taking care of his wife but not paying attention to that bum anymore. He had put her in danger and would not forgive him. His anger began to dominate him, surpassing even his sense of guilt for having to kill his comrades. Part of him wanted to go get Zeke and bring the situation back to normal but he couldn't do it, it wouldn't fix anything. Another thirty died at the hands of that bastard.
Thirty other companions died at the hands of his own hand. By their hand.
Ironic to think what a couple they were, they shared everything and, in that moment, even the same remorse.
They looked at each other for a moment, supporting each other. Elizabeth, who had her back against the trunk and in a better angled position, could see the hand of a titan trying to grab Levi and immediately she alarmed him, changing her expression and calling him serious.
"Levi!"
The Captain was quick; with a twist he grabbed the blade and sliced through the titan's flesh before he could grab him. He turned his gaze for a moment to Elizabeth who seemed to hesitate, motionless to hold herself against the trunk of that immense tree before clenching her fists and closing her eyes. He watched her swallow and, in a few moments, change her expression again, apparently cold and emotionless. The blonde threw herself at another titan, barely studying him with her gaze and slashing the back of his head before he could catch her and kill her. The same companion who, on their way to Zackly, had helped her, handing her some water when she finished throwing up.
"Liz." he called her, watching her hook up with her device to the trunk of the tree, this time leaning on its branch. Now she was starting to feel the adrenaline rushing through her veins, all discomfort was completely gone and her heartbeat seemed to echo throughout the forest.
She was furious.
"I finish here. You go get that bearded bastard."
Levi paused to watch her for another moment as she launched into combat. He almost thought he saw the same Elizabeth who, when she joined the squad, had been taken out of the Walls for the first time. Only, this time, the same innocence was missing in her face, the same amazement was missing.
She was playing her the part, now it was up to him to go and take charge of his.
Quickly, Levi reached Zeke, killing with extreme precision and speed the titan that he tried to send against him, before he transformed himself. He promptly anchored himself to a trunk, taking advantage of the dense network of trees that surrounded that particular spot to hide and act in the dark. Zeke began to fidget, tearing the other titan who was carrying him in two and using those flesh as if they were boulders to be thrown.
Absolutely disgusting.
"Where are you? Come out and face me, Levi!" Zeke began to scream in panic. The man was dangerous and not being able to see him agitated him. He turned everywhere in search of his movements, wondering why Elizabeth wasn't with him. "There you are! What happened to your cute little subordinates? You didn't kill them, did you?"
Levi didn't answer him but kept reacting and Zeke figured out where to hit to make him give in. "What about your sweet little wife? I bet she was devoured in front of your eyes, that's why she's not with you. Isn't it? Poor woman..."
"Now it's your business." Levi whispered with his eyes now completely livid, black as pitch. His voice lowered in tone, hissing menacingly and managing to strike terror into the Titan.
"You're getting desperate, beardo. All you had to do was be a good boy and read your book. Whatever gave your the idea that you could get away from me? Did you think you could get me to hesitate by turning my men into titans? Or that Elizabeth isn't brave enough to not do it and let herself be killed? Do you have any idea how many of our own we've had to kill already?"
Taking advantage of some of his power he threw himself at him, -fully understanding what Elizabeth must feel when she felt the adrenaline run through her body and saw her move her fingers as if trying to contain herself-, and threw thunder spears at him, making explode the body of the Beast Titan. He quickly pulled him by the hair after Zeke was thrown out of the Titan's body, burned and helpless. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Elizabeth approach him, reaching him with the help of the three-dimensional movement, dirty and exhausted.
"Short ime no see, beardo. You filthy, reeking, ugly son of a bitch. Don't worry, I won't kill you. Not yet."
"How are you?" Levi asked sitting on the wagon, next to Elizabeth and with the smell of Zeke's burnt meat that stung his nose. He was disgusting to see but he couldn't kill him. With him unconscious he could exchange a few words with his wife who was now free to show her emotions and was destroyed There was something she couldn't understand and she was obviously struggling to understand it.
"I don't know." she admitted with a sigh. "I drank that wine, why didn't I become a titan too?"
"Maybe because you threw it up." he hypothesized reviewing in his mind first when she tasted it and then throwing it up a few moments later. Elizabeth ran her hands, now clean, over her face, brushing aside some small wisps that had escaped from the blonde bun she had on her head.
"I'm not understanding anything anymore."
"Finally awake?" he murmured seeing Zeke's eyes open and look around. "Okay, hold up. No sudden movements. I'be wrapped the wire form that thunder spear's detonator around your neck. Bet feel free to wiggle round if you want that spear in your gut to blow you in two."
"How disgusting..." Elizabeth commented with disgust at seeing him spit blood.
"It must be hell not to be blue to die like from this." added Levi instead, looking at him as if he were not a person either. Because for Levi, at that moment, that was not a person and, if he usually hated killing innocent people, that man had absolutely nothing innocent. "Don't mistake that for pity, by the used my subordinates' lives like tool and almost took my wife away from me twice. Was tithing in your own shit and vomit all part of your plan too?"
Under the impassive gaze of Elizabeth and the screams of pain of Zeke, Levi began to cut, with his blade, the limbs of the latter, with the sole desire to make him suffer and repay, in some way, all the lives that he had torn without the slightest remorse.
"Oh shut up. I can't have you turning into a titan and this is the only way to stop you."
"What a pathetic scene..." Elizabeth commented again, unable to feel sorry for him. And without even feeling guilty. After all that was going on, this rapid descent that had started right from the battle of Shiganshina, she couldn't feel anything about him.
"Where are my glasses?" murmured the Titan, panting in pain.
"Huh? Hell if I know. Why would you even need glasses at this point?"
"I can't Mr. Xaver ... I ... I have a mission to fulfill."
Zeke fainted, succubus of the numerous wounds that Levi had given him, and they resumed their march, wearing their hoods over their heads to protect themselves from the rain, while the sun slowly began to set as if to put an end to that immense day.
This time the topic of conversation was Elizabeth's malaise in general, failing to really talk about it under Zeke's constant gaze. He was visibly worried about his wife and it showed not only in the words he used but also in the tone of apprehension he used.
"Our sole salvation is Eldia's euthanasia."
Zeke's words were not immediately understandable to the two, who immediately stopped the wagon, despite the rain beating on them, and stood up to check their 'passenger'.
"You say something? Euthanasia?" Levi asked irritably and intrigued at the same time. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Elizabeth shiver unconsciously, like every time her mind subconsciously understood something and he just waited for her to realize it.
"You're about to find yourself in a titan's mouth listening to what it sounds like to be digested. Compared to how you stole the lives of my comrades it sound like a pleasant way to die."
"I didn't steal... I saved lives." Zeke answered Levi with difficulty. "The lives of the children they would bear from this cruel world."
"Look like your legs are growing back." Levi commented, drawing his blade, ready to cut his limbs again. And just in that instant Elizabeth understood what Zeke really wanted to do. That same awareness that triggered her reflexively, sensing everything terribly slow around her but under the influence of the fear of losing Levi.
"Mr. Xaver, I hope you're watching!" Zeke yelled, but Elizabeth could barely hear him, more focused on the sudden gesture of the Beast Titan possessor who moved his neck and made explode the thunder spear..
Elizabeth's hands already reached Levi's shoulders, but, as soon as he realized what was happening, he hurried to grab Elizabeth with the intention of throwing her off her chariot. Better wounded than dead.
His wife did the same thing, at the same time, but she didn't quite succeed in her intent and saw him being thrown into the air with her, not far from her.
But she couldn't feel anything else because the pain in her head was such that she closed her eyes.
Elizabeth awoke with her head throbbing hard with pain, but with a peculiar sensation right on it. She sensed what looked like a bandage around her forehead and around her left arm and in the background what sounded like… Hange's voice.
"There's no one pursuing us now. Everyone got turned into titans but only you and Elizabeth survived, and the fact that you're still alive with these injuries is for the same reason, isn't it? Because you're an Ackerman."
"Levi ..." Elizabeth murmured with difficulty, looking for her husband. She didn't remember anything, she had a huge circle on her head and was struggling to open her eyes. Her throat was so dry that she wasn't even sure if her voice had actually come out or if she had just imagined it.
"You're awake, thankfully." Hange exclaimed as she approached her. She had laid them side by side, stepping between them just to get a better look at the Captain's face before moving on again. With her unconscious she had been able to control her without interruption but it had been difficult to act promptly on both of them and she almost feared she had not arrived in time. "Don't try too hard, you've lost a lot of blood."
"What happened?" Elizabeth asked trying to sit up. Hange's hands assisted her in her enterprise as her head whirled so wildly that it forced her to close her eyes.
"What do you remember?" Hange asked her, thus also prompting her to regain complete lucidity. Elizabeth put a hand to her head, resting it lightly on the slightly bloodstained gauze that covered her forehead.
"I was in the wagon with Levi and that bastard. He blew himself up. And then nothing else."
"The shock must have been enough to remove it." commented Hange, barely studying her. She did not know whether to tell her or not and how she would have withstood the shock of that discovery but shortly after her gaze was such that she understood there was no need for her to tell her: she was remembering it. She widened her eyes in terror, worry, anxiety as her breath caught in her throat preventing her from breathing.
"He's dead ..." Hange exclaimed, holding up Levi's almost dying body. Floch behind her was pointing his gun at her, flanked by other Jeagerists who made no sign of letting her escape.
Those two words made Elizabeth stop breathing, her eyes filled with tears, and her scream that came out of her throat was so excruciating that even the Jeagerists dropped their weapons, with one of them starting to weep without noticing. It was as if the heart had been ripped from her chest raw.
Without even thinking about it and ignoring her badly sore left arm and her head that was bleeding profusely from dirtying her face and clothes, she got up with almost inhuman speed and grabbed Floch's arm, preventing him from aiming the gun at her again and moving the trajectory towards his companion. Luckily for her the boy shoot, trying to hit her but only ended up killing the other guy, before Elizabeth broke his arm with a forcefully aimed blow. The other companion tried to react, his face still covered in tears, but Hange was faster and grabbed Floch's fallen gun and fired, thus helping the blonde.
For an instant Elizabeth saw the same boy to whom she had entrusted Erwin's life and, partly for this and partly for her too much pain, she fell to her knees, unable to fight any longer. She tried to throw herself against Levi's body but Hange's arms stopped her, not preventing her from continuing to cry, whispering her words that prompted her to get up and hide. She felt like she was in a bubble, she couldn't accomplish anything but Hange was right and she wouldn't let them take Levi's body away too. However, she did not have time to ask Hange anything because, as soon as they reached a relatively safe spot in the forest, she fell unconscious to the ground.
With a sudden movement, now fully aware, she began to fidget and move in search of the body of her husband, lying on the ground next to her with his face almost entirely covered with other gauze. "Levi!"
"Stop!" Hange exclaimed, aware that all those emotions in her were not good for her. Her two-tone eyes began to fill with tears again and the Commander took her by the shoulders to keep her from moving too abruptly. She still needed to rest too, especially after that last fight. "He's fine. I lied. He's not dead."
"Huh?" Elizabeth murmured out of breath, trying to fully analyze her friend's words and observing her husband who, in fact, was only sleeping, breathing. His chest rose and fell at a slow but steady pace.
"He's there, he's just resting."
"God." Elizabeth murmured, taking her head in her hands, again succubus of that nausea that she made no mention of letting it be. She instinctively put her hands to her belly, squeezing for her strong pain that radiated from her stomach, forcing her to just bend over. But the greatest pain had been to think that Levi was dead. She could hear nothing but those words echoing in her ears and seeing that he was breathing was like resuming breathing after being in apnea for an indefinite time. And she couldn't put into words how grateful she was to Hange for saving his life. For having saved both of them, of course, but mainly to Levi.
"You need to rest." murmured Hange, stretching her hands on her shoulders again to urge her to lie down.
"I must..."
"Rest Liz. You hit the head very hard and lost a lot of blood."
"That bastard..." Elizabeth commented, turning to her still unconscious husband who was sleeping peacefully. If it weren't for those bandages on his face, she could have easily thought that he was just resting after that interminable month, but instead they were just there to remind her that he had almost managed to kill him. And she would never forgive him. If before she did not feel particular emotions towards Zeke now her heart was filled with hatred for him. She would make him pay.
"I know. Levi is in a bad way. He's lost an eye."
"Better an eye than his life." Elizabeth added again, almost relieved. And she really thought so: she could live with an eyeless husband but she couldn't accept losing him.
"Liz..." Hange warned her as she watched her move. She initially thought she would start making sudden and reckless gestures but she smiled at her when she saw her simply leaning on her husband's belly.
"Why am I not a titan?" Elizabeth asked after making herself comfortable and so that her head hurt as little as possible. Her friend kept looking at her as if she wanted to tell her something and the blonde was getting impatient. If anyone had any answers, it was surely her. Because Elizabeth was sure that Hange knew something.
"Did you drink that wine too?" the Commander asked with a sigh.
"A little, but then I threw it up. Is because of that?"
"Yes and no." Hange admitted looking at her intently. It was time to tell her the truth and she really hoped she wasn't going to be foolish enough to put all three of them in danger. "When we were in Marley I talked to Mrs. Azumabito and I got to work on some things. I did research on your blood, on the experiment done. You don't have the power of the Ackerman, your blood and Levi's aren't compatible from that point of view."
"Yes, I guessed it." Elizabeth added, just looking up at the sky and then closing her eyes for a few moments in the grip of the fatigue. Her head kept pounding but she knew her friend was going to tell her something important and she wanted to stay conscious to hear. "But there's still something wrong with me."
"There's a reason you're not a titan."
"What it is?"
"Well, now what do we do? We can't stop Zeke on our own, we just have to count on Armin or Commander Pixis. Even if Eren betrayed Zeke… if that means the Jeagerists will still use the spinal fluid to control this island we'll be on the run here for the rest of our lives. It must be our time has come, you might feel like you're doing the right thing but times change and you find yourself in a cell. Maybe we should just live here together."
A loud explosion and Eren's voice clearly stating what his intent was, prompted not only Hange to stop talking but also Levi to wake up, sore and confused for the first few moments. His sight was reduced to one eye and the other gave him pangs right up to the head, then stretching all over his face as if to divide it in two.
"Just now… was that…?" Hange was even more confused, she began to look just around her recognizing the young man's voice and starting to ask herself a thousand questions. "Eren... the whole world..."
"The Beast ... That piece of shit ..." Levi murmured unable to get up due to a weight on his belly and completely sore muscles, while the Commander turned towards him forcing him to lie down. "Where is he..."
"You don't need to get up. Zeke went to Shiganshina District with the Jeagerists. Half a day has passed since then."
"Elizabeth..." he asked opening his free eye from the bandage and noting that the weight on his belly was his wife, properly bandaged and sleeping.
"She has lost a lot of blood from her head but she is alive, quiet. She has collapsed with exhaustion and desperation."
"Fuck." he commented, lowering his head completely to the ground and closing his eye for a moment. "I promised myself never to make her suffer."
"You're alive, so you still kept your promise." commented Hange trying to cheer him up.
"That bastard almost killed her."
"What happened?" the Commander asked, trying to get as much information as possible. With Elizabeth she hadn't been very successful, after talking to her she had collapsed unconscious, which, however, had given her the opportunity to change the bandage on her head again.
"I screwed up. I wasn't able… to figure out… that he was ready to die I let him get away again."
"I'm sure you want revenge but for now…"
"If we keep running and hiding… wha will that get us?" Levi stopped her before she went any further.
"Oh, so you heard me talking to myself."
"What're you making? That… you're going to pull me by horse?" he asked noticing what was behind the Commander's back, caught in the act. "I know you… you're not able to stay out of the action."
"Yeah, you're right. I can't."
"My goal is to kill Zeke." Levi concluded, placing his hand on Elizabeth's head and gently stroking her hair. What he just didn't understand, yet, was why Hange looked at him as if she were aware of something he still didn't know.
With Captain and Vice Captain completely out of action and forced to rest, Hange had to strive to act almost entirely on her own, except for a few moments when the two woke up to eat. Joining Pieck and Theo Magath, the first recovered were Jean, Yelena and Onyankopon, followed by the rest of their team, finally reunited. It was strange, however, to find themselves in front of a bonfire with Annie, Reiner, Gabi and Falco as well.
Ever since those young people had joined the Survey Corps she had never stopped to collaborate closely with the latter and she still did not know completely how to frame them. She knew, however, that the Reiner in front of her, who was talking about the young man whose death he had voluntarily caused, was filled with remorse. And Jean, on the other hand, was furious.
He didn't want Reiner's apologies, not when Marco, after discovering their deception, just wanted to talk about it and hadn't even accused them of anything in particular, he hadn't threatened them... he just wanted to talk about it.
While they fed it to a titan as if it were only meat for slaughter.
Elizabeth woke up to the sound of a fight in the background, along with Levi clenching a fist and snorting slightly without anyone noticing. How did she could rest when they behaved that way?
"I'm sorry. Our wish was to slaughter all of you on Paradis for the world, to accept us and forgive us. That's why it was always our hope, for this island, for the devils to go away and now… mom, dad, everyone in Liberio is going to be taken away because of it… I'm sorry."
Gabi's words, however, prompted Elizabeth to fully open her eyes. Levi was much worse off than her and needed to rest but she had to help Hange, she couldn't handle everything alone and she wouldn't be in danger just getting up and talking. Because she knew very well how to take people and the desperate voice of that little girl, now kneeling on the ground, as a sign of supplication, was not someone to attack. "I know just how shameless it is of me to ask but… we need all of you to help us. Please won't you lend us your strength?"
Under Elizabeth's understanding gaze, Jean got up to walk away from that spot in the forest, he wanted to be alone and didn't want to talk to them.
"Let me go."
"Where are you going Jean?" Connor asked, followed by Hange who tried to hand him another bowl of stew.
"What about your seconds?"
"He left… it was no good." Gabi concluded in a low voice, definitely disappointed. That little girl was the same girl who had killed Sasha, who had taken one of her guys away from her, yet at that moment she couldn't hate her. She had heard so many stories from Zeke, including about Gabi and Falco and, in a way, she understood her point of view. With all that persuasion and that desire for justice, perhaps if she had been from the other side, she would have done the same thing. She didn't share it but Sasha never wanted them to honor her with hatred. She was better than all of this.
"Will they shut up?" Levi commented, opening his eyes and sitting up with difficulty. Elizabeth put her hand on his shoulder, smiling just to let him know that she would take care of it.
"Get up. There's no need to beg, we don't need it." Elizabeth commented stiffly, passing by the little girl to go to Jean. One thing at a time. And Jean, unlike the others, was collapsing once again.
She found him nearby, with his hands over his ears and in tears. He didn't want to hear anything they were saying and, above all, he didn't want to hear the voices of Reiner and Gabi who had taken away two important people for him. But if the latter, at least, seemed to have some kind of motivation, plagiarized by the ideals of his people, for him Reiner had no excuse. Maybe later he would try to forgive him, but it was still too early.
Elizabeth walked over to him calmly, stretching her arms out and wrapping them around him to comfort him. As if enraptured by that gesture, Jean stretched out his own and fell to his knees, hugging Elizabeth's belly as if she were a mother with her child. And she let him let off steam a bit before sitting down against the trunk of a tree, side by side.
"They told me about Marco's death..." Jean explained, letting her understand his feelings. In those years she had always been their shoulder to cry on, for anything. Whether it was homesick or fallen comrades, she always had the right words. They weren't always the sweetest but they were always the right ones, at the right time. "He was killed ..."
"I didn't know this Marco. Was he important?" she asked, thus urging him to talk about it.
"He pointed out to me, for the first time, how much my judgment was worth."
"He was right. I heard that when Pieck came to get you, you were on the side of the Jeagerists."
"Yes, I thought ..." he began, sighing even more confused. And, in part, guilty. "I don't know either."
"You wanted to understand Eren's point of view. Which proves Marco was right." Elizabeth commented, surprising the young man. He barely widened her eyes: not only did she understand him instantly but she didn't seem the least bit angry with him.
"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't understand what's right and what's wrong." he admitted and then looked down at the ground in front of them. "How do you manage to live with this weight?"
"Can I tell you a secret? But you have to promise you won't tell anyone." she asked calmly.
"Sure."
"Zackly appointed me as his successor. Yet Pixis sent me here, taking the place of that role which, technically, is mine."
Jean's eyes widened once more, still clearly remembering when Pixis had entered that authoritative room and understanding the reason for that look. Now it was all clear to him.
"Do you have this weight on your shoulders?"
"Levi was almost dead. I was almost dead. We are wanted, if Floch discovers my role he will not just kill me but tear my heart out of my chest just to wave it in front of the angry crowd. I have to handle all this, I am not in the least ready and I'm... " Elizabeth froze, she didn't know how to go on but she knew that admitting it would help Jean. Fear wasn't always a bad thing if you needed to move forward, you just had to figure out how to overcome it. She took a deep breath, trying to ignore the feeling of nausea that hit her once again, almost managing to taste the wine in her throat again, and she looked down at her belly. "... scared of what will happen to us."
"Okay, you won." Jean chuckled for a moment, feeling slightly lighter.
"Tell me something about Marco." she asked, leaning her bandaged head against the trunk again, careful not to open the points that Hange had so carefully placed on her. Her blond hair was probably still stained with blood, but she didn't care.
"We were all terrified in Trost. Nobody knew what to do and we weren't even ready to face the titans. He believed in me. I joined the Survey Corps to honor his memory."
Elizabeth smiled softly at him, reaching out her hand again to just squeeze his arm. He wasn't sure why but she seemed to calm him down.
"He would be proud of you, you know."
"Sasha died before my eyes."
Jean was obviously still too full of guilt and all the events that had happened in that last period had not contributed to making him think in a completely clear way but that could have been a beginning to let go of everything that is now gone. He was convinced that letting them go he would have to forget them, but it was just what he should not do. He had to go on and he had to do it for them too.
"But not by your hand. You have matured a lot since I met you. At first you were a grumpy kid with the constant desire to fight. But you have grown up. Marco would be proud of you, as I am."
"Can you stay here a little while, please?" Jean asked, clutching his fist at the knowledge that he was asking her for help once again after a little over a month. "Again..."
"Sure."