A/N: Firstly, I am so sorry for not updating for so long. Real-life steals most of my day away, and closer to Christmas, busier I get.
Secondly, I'm sorry for the terrible cliffhanger.
Finally, I'm just sorry and I just hope you'll all keep reading.
Day 536
The world around me froze, and only a single thought ran around in my mind.
I have to get home.
Home. For the longest time, the word held no meaning for me. Not since my parents were killed.
My earliest memory of saying that I'm going home is from when I was about three or four. I was with my mom; first, we went to the park near our street, and she let me play on the swings and introduce myself to the other kids. Then she dragged me to Walmart to do some shopping; who knows what exactly she was buying. But I remember with clear vividity her gorgeous smile, as her golden curls crowned her face, and she told me we were done and going home.
That was in Chicago. And it was my home for a long time until I decided what I wanted to do with myself and moved away to college. After that, no place I lived in really felt like anything but houses or flats I was occupying. Mom and dad moved to Georgia, and that was yet another house. It was their home, but not mine. As years passed and I graduated from the Academy, I started working for the BAU. Every time I came back from the case, I was coming back to the empty flat. It was just a place I was renting, one of many, and I didn't think much of it. I would move eventually, so why get attached, right?
It wasn't until the world went to hell. Not until months into the apocalypse, while we struggled during the winter that the realization stroke. I was home. The people I was with became my family, someone I would protect fiercely, and wherever they went, that was home. Daryl more than the others. And then we found prison, and that old, caged building became a place to come back to. A home.
Here, it was different. It evolved in some way. We were still together, but now we had those fancy houses, living next to each other, sleeping in a real bed, having a hot shower whenever we wished.
I had to get to that house where Merle constantly left his clothes around and insisted on walking topless whenever he damn pleased. Where Daryl slept peacefully through the night for the first time since I knew him. A house where we could watch Lucy grow up, become her own person. In that house, when you smelled something amazing and mouthwatering, you could guarantee Oscar was cooking something. And if you went to the garage, you could find various tools, car parts, and a dirty, oil-stained Axel, grinning like an idiot when he fixed something.
That was my home. They were my home. And now, no one saw Axel or Lucy after the walkers invaded the town. I tried to tell myself that they were fine. I knew for a fact that Axel would do anything in his power to protect the girl. But that was what scared me. How far would he go? Logically some part of me knew that I shouldn't worry and panic until I had proof, but I also knew that if they were fine, he would be here. He would be staying vigilant, maybe keep looking through the window. And he should come to see us, the second everything stopped. And yet, they weren't here.
I didn't even know how I got there, but I stood in front of our main doors. There was blood on the porch and two walkers with holes in their heads. Curtains were pulled, blocking the inside view, and after a quick scan, I noticed that it was the case with every single one on this side of a house. I would bet that it was the same all around.
I reached out to turn the knob, only then realizing that I was shaking like a leaf. I didn't know what was on the other side, and suddenly I wasn't so sure that I wanted to know. A hand on my shoulder scared me more than it should, making me react first. Jabbing my elbow low, I stroke it into someone's stomach, spinning around to bring my knee to follow. But then I saw shaggy hair, a black vest, and the sounds around me finally came back. Daryl hissed in pain, and I stepped back, shaking my head, stuttering over my words.
"I'm... so sorry... Big Boy, I-"
"Shut up, woman," He huffed, and when he straightened up I could see a smirk on his face. "Ya gonna kill me one of those days, El."
Merle chuckled, making me realize that they were all here. Both Dixons and Oscar. I looked at each of them, slowly peeking into their eyes, and I found what I expected. Even with small smiles, they were as scared as I was. They had to come to a similar conclusion I did.
"Let me, El," Daryl spoke again, gently pushing me towards Merle.
He tried the doorknob, but it just rattled. His eyebrows shot up, and he sent us a questioning look, but I just shrugged.
"Not that we have keys to the damn place, right?" I said lazily, digging inside my pocket and throwing it at him.
"Smartass." He tried it, and I could hear the lock click, but that didn't help. The doors wouldn't budge. "'S like somethin' blockin' it."
"Ya need a hand here, 'lil brother?" Merle chuckled next to me, but it was Oscar who shut him up.
"He ain't need half a job. I'll help, Daryl."
I snorted, my mood lifting a little but not enough to completely stop worrying and that sick feeling in my gut came back.
I learned over the years to trust that feeling, and right now, it was telling me that something wasn't right. It looked like Axel barricaded himself, which was the smart thing to do when a herd of walkers bursts inside your community. But he would hear us. He should hear Daryl blow up the lake and our fight with geeks. And yet, there was no movement inside, and doors were still blocked.
Finally, Daryl gave the door another hard push and flew inside when the doorframe split in the middle. I rushed forward, following him, and bumping into his back when he suddenly stopped.
The stench hit me first, nearly making me gag. Then came the noise, soft, muffled groans, and Daryl's whispers to not look. But I couldn't do that, right? I had to know. I always had to know. I stepped aside, smacking away hands that tried to stop me. I blinked a few times, and tears finally came, drenching my cheeks as small sobs escaped my throat. Someone was screaming, repeating 'no' over and over again. At first, I thought it might be me, just like I did when we found T-Dog, eons ago. But the voice was male, deep, and utterly broken.
Pulling myself together, stuffing all the feelings inside the small box at the back of my mind, I turned pulling Oscar into a tight hug. He was trying to get to Axel, and it took both Dixons to subdue him.
Axel. Sweet, silly, innocent Axel. The guy who could chat your brains off, about nothing in particular. But when he was home, and it was quiet, it was given that he was asleep; otherwise, there was always chatter. The guy who could fix any vehicle, given you had parts. The same man who willingly became Lucy's babysitter without asking.
He tied himself to both posts of the staircase with heavy chains wrapped around his torso. He had ripped sheet wrapped around his jaw, preventing us from the view of his snapping mouth and muffling noises he was making. Other pieces of the sheet were tightly wrapped around his hands, taped above his wrists. I closed my eyes for a second, shaking along with Oscar, as we both took a moment to grieve.
Axel's shirt was covered in blood, mainly above his ribcage, and it looked fresher than the other. I licked my dry lips and pulled away from Oscar, smiling at him sadly. Turning around towards Axel, I unsheathed my knife.
"El, ya don't hafta," Daryl tried to stop me, but I shook my head, clearing my head.
"He- um- he made me promise. Back at the prison, if something happens to him, it'll be me to finish it. He- he didn't want Oscar to-" I choked on the last words, sniffling as I got closer.
Slowly nearing him, I saw he dragged one of the couches, blocking the stairs, and there was a note stuck to it. Breathing deeply, I rose my hand, letting his milky, vacant eyes land on me. Tilting my head, I felt his hands smacking me, trying to reach me, scratch me, rip me apart. But he was smart, took all possible precautions by wrapping his hands and jaw.
"You did good, Ax. So good. Rest," I whispered and slit my blade through his ear, his body dropping, supported only by the chains. Oscar openly cried behind me, and I heard him hit the floor as the other men let him go. I reached out, taking the note, my eyes running over the words quickly.
I breathed in sharply and started searching Axel's pockets.
"Watcha doin', Doll?" Merle asked, coming closer. I passed him the note and explained for the benefit of Oscar and Daryl.
"He said, 'I tried, Boss. Got bit running away. Lu's safe in her room, locked with food and water. I told her she gotta be quiet. I really tried, Boss. See you on the other side, Oscar'." I sobbed at my words and finally found a small key in the man's pants. I pushed it into a padlock that held the chain together and twisted.
"Let me," Oscar was standing right there, his arm gently pushing me aside. As I removed the padlock, he caught the body of his friend, carefully setting it on the floor. That gave way to Dixons as they moved in front of me, pushing the couch away. Not waiting for all of it to be gone, I slipped past them the second there was a gap, taking two steps at once. My hands shook as I reached the doors to Lucy's room.
It was covered in stickers. Every time we found any coloring books with stickers, she would put them on her door, looking up at Daryl or me with that proud smile on her face. Softly I ran my fingers over them before I snapped myself out of it and fished another key from my pocket.
The house was too silent, so uncommon. And I was worried about what was waiting for me on the other side of the wood. As I twisted the key, it felt as my insides were twisting as well, turning and churning. My mind was creating all the worst-case scenarios in the span of milliseconds it took me to push the doors open.
She was sitting on her bed, crying silently. Lucy's cheeks and eyes were red and puffy, her tiny arms wrapped around her knees. There were wrappers scattered on the mattress, empty glass sat on the edge of a small table next to the bed. A choked sob escaped my lips, and I fell through the door, nearly tripping over my feet in a rush to get next to her.
"Mama," Her voice was raspy, and I wondered how long she sat here without anything, in darkness, not knowing what was happening. Alone.
Wrapping my arms around her, I lifted her and pressed her tightly to my chest, only then realizing that she was covered in her sheets. The pink comforter that usually sat on top was tangled and chucked in the corner of her room, near the wardrobe.
"You're alright," I kept whispering, running my hands over her curls, and I stopped controlling the tears that stung my eyes. Her small hands clung to my blood-stained shirt, and she was crying as well.
"I'm sorry, mama," Lucy's words were broken, and I barely understood her. Pulling away a little, I cradled her face in my hands, wiping at the tears falling down her cheeks.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all, understand? You were so, so brave, sweety."
"Da!" She shouted and wiggled in my arms. The mattress shifted under Daryl's weight, and he didn't bother with taking Lu from me, just wrapped his arms around both of us.
"Ya safe now, baby girl," He hid his face in her hair, but there was no mistaking raspiness of his voice. He was as emotional as I was right now.
"I'm sorry, da," Lucy started again with apologizing, and I shook my head.
"You didn't do anything wrong, sweety."
"I peed in bed, mama. The door closed, and it go," She stated sadly, and that explained the sheet and comforter.
"It ain't matter, Lu-Lu. Ya safe, 'nd we're back. We gonna clean up 'nd have a bath, 'nd 's gonna be alright," Daryl explained to her calmly, squeezing my arm for a moment.
"OK, da. Where's Aks?"
Her questioning look and innocent expression nearly broke my heart. How do you tell a three-year-old that someone close to her, someone she used to spend so much time with, won't come back? Daryl looked as lost as me, his lip trembling, as he kept stroking her hair gently, not moving his eyes from her.
Taking a deep breath, I smiled at her, even if it took everything to not break down. "He's resting now, sweety. He fought hard for our family, and now he's resting."
"Can we see him?"
"Yeah, we'll. Later, we gonna visit him whenever we want."
It was a few hours later when we finally emerged back from the house. Lucy was bathed and in clean clothes. We all scrubbed after wrapping and moving Axel's body. There were only a few people on the street; there were no greetings or cheerful hellos. I pushed the doors to the infirmary open, taking in the tired faces of everyone inside. Spencer was still there, and he was the first stop I made while Dixons moved further inside the building.
"You found them?" The man asked me, and I nodded, silently taking the notebook with the names off his hands. My palms were sweaty and shaking as slowly I ticked Lucy's and placed a small cross next to Axel's. I noticed more signs next to the names of other citizens, and after a quick count, I realized that we had lost nearly a third.
"You put a question mark next to Deanna," I commented quietly, passing him the notebook back. His brows furrowed as he swallowed harshly.
"I know she's gone. Michonne said she was bit when they were running. But... I haven't seen her body. I think- I think I saw her leave the town. So- so until I find her..."
"I understand," I sighed, squeezing his shoulder for a second. I moved away and crossed the room to where Michonne stood with little Judith in her arms. Not even thinking about it, I hugged her tightly, and that's when I saw who was in the room behind her.
Rick sat on a chair, holding Carl's hand. His head was resting on a bed, and his chest was rising evenly. But it was Carl, a kid I had known since the quarry. The same kid that wanted to learn how to make and shoot a bow. The same who helped me with boar skin, and we made matching vests, both long lost and forgotten. He looked so pale and small in the hospital bed. His dark hair were splattered around his head, and his right eye was wrapped in a bandage.
"What happened?" I asked Michonne quietly, slowly pulling away.
"We were moving through the herd, trying to get to the armory," Katana explained in a whisper, bouncing Jude on her hip when the girl started to complain. "Jessie and Sam- We couldn't do anything. The boy panicked, and she lost it. But then Ron- he was aiming at Rick. I didn't even hesitate. Stroke him with my sword, but- oh god, it was enough for him to react. Bullet lodged into Carl's eye socket."
I shook my head, not quite believing what she was saying.
"Is he-"
"Dennise patched him up. He lost some blood, but she's positive that there is no brain trauma. We'll know more once he wakes up. Where's Axel?" She turned to me, and I think she could see it in my face if the gasp she made would be any indication.
I nodded sadly, my eyes trailing to Merle, who stood close to Oscar, keeping an eye on the Black man. "He- he got bit. Locked Lucy in her room, took all precautions to keep her safe from the herd, and- and- himself."
"I'm so sorry," Michelle offered softly, and I smiled at her.
"Thanks. I need to get everyone to the church, hold a meeting, make a plan. Rick needs to be with Carl now, but we still have to organize the town."
"You want me to let him know?"
"No. If you don't mind, I want to see Carl too."
I pushed past her, slowly approaching Rick. He must have heard me, not sleeping very deeply, as he jolted up in seconds. His red-rimmed eyes found mine, and I rushed to his side, pulling him into my arms. He seemed numb at first, but eventually his hands gripped the back of my shirt tightly, his face buried in my neck as tears started.
"He's a strong kid. So strong, just like his parents," I told him softly, not letting him go. "He was shot, and he survived that without a hospital. He will pull through it."
"Lucy's fine?"
I snorted and pulled away, wiping my own tears away. "She's fine. I'm going to hold a meeting for everyone. We need to make a plan how to handle walkers, build up walls, and bury our own."
Rick sniffled, one hand on his hip, and he glanced down at Carl. "OK. Let's go."
"No." I stopped him, pushing him gently back into the seat. "I'm telling you, so you know, but Carl needs you more. I can handle it."
"I- no, I'm-"
"Rick! Sit your ass, and stay with your son. I've got this." I patted his shoulder and walked out of the room.
I informed everyone present in the lobby to meet me in the church in half an hour. After that, I asked Aaron and Eric to gather others who went back to their homes. I knew it was quick. I knew that they were tired and probably would be unhappy about me dragging them out. But it was something we had to discuss and sooner rather than later.
Stopping by Daryl, I gave him and Lucy a kiss, telling them that I would see them in a bit in a church. But I needed a moment to myself. A moment to remember Axel and all things he has done for our family. I had to wrap my head around the fact that we had been attacked, first by humans and then by the undead, and we lost so much in such a short amount of time. We had to plan to rebuild the wall, a funeral. On top of that, we were already in the first week of December. Temperatures will drop even more, and I was positive that almost all game around would be gone.
So, as I arrived at the church and saw father Gabriel, the first thing I asked for was a pen and paper. He looked like he wanted to talk, but I really didn't have time for that at that moment. I felt almost as if we were back in prison, and I would sit in my chair by a desk going over lists, plans, and maps. There were a lot of points to go over, and I wasn't sure how much I wanted to talk about with all of them. Most of those people were OK with how things were run previously. Just being given jobs without question and leaving all big decisions to Deanna.
On top of that, I wondered what kind of verbal attacks I would have to suffer through and how to make sure that those people realize that a change of power means nothing terrible for them.
People started slowly filling in, making me stand up at the bottom of the small altar father Gabriel created. The building was packed in a matter of minutes, and I cleared my throat, getting their attention. I smiled at Dixons, who hung by the right wall, next to Tara and Aaron. Oscar sat by himself on one of the backbenches, and I was scared that he would pull away from us. I think with losing Axel, he lost his last connection to the old world. They met in prison, way before walkers started eating people, and now it was gone. I will definitely have to talk to him.
"Hello, everyone," I started, raising my voice, making sure they all would hear me. "For those who might not know, my name is Elena. And- I'd like to start with saying how sorry I'm for all the losses we suffered in the past few days."
I glanced around the room and noticed some people shifting uncomfortably, a few sniffling and openly crying, and others looking at me with curiosity. I nodded towards Gabe, and he came closer.
"Before we start, let us pray for a moment."
As Gabriel started his prayers, I zoned out, trying to gauge the reactions of others. I probably mentioned before, but I am not a religious type. That doesn't change the fact that some of the others are, and if there was ever a time for comforting, it would be now.
"Why are we here?" Bryce, one of the man asked once they finished.
"To discuss what will happen next. How we all get past this and hold on for those who we lost."
"So what. You just take over?" Spencer sounded bitter, and I guess I couldn't blame him for that. He just lost his mother, and not even twenty-four hours later, he listens to some newcomer talking about plans.
"Yes. For now. The truth is, I'm looking at all of you and can't help thinking that you're like children." Yeah, that probably didn't help much, judging by the number of gasps and angry glares I received. "Up until now, you all lived here, like nothing changed. Well, let me tell you. Everything fucking changed. And for the first time in a year and a half, you witnessed it. There are people out there, dangerous people who will want to destroy what we have here. What you build. And walkers? They're not monsters from under the bed. They are real, and they used to be alive, just like us. They are not a tale to use to scare children. So I'll refer to what Rick said days ago. You'll learn, or you won't survive."
"We wouldn't suffer if you wouldn't show up!" Some lady dressed in a floral blouse and ugly pink sweater stated, making me snort.
"Let me be clear. The only reason that there weren't more deaths is because we were here. Those people who came in, climbed the walls? Something we mentioned that can be done just so you know. They called themselves Wolves. Aaron, Daryl and I, we saw their handiwork out there. Not just nearby. Before Aaron picked us up, we went to Richmond. That's where Noah used to live, in a similar community to Alexandria."
It was hard to remember those days. We were so broken, so desperate, and when there was nothing there... I glanced over to Beth, and even though her cheeks were streaked with tears, she was smiling gently at the memory of the young man. So I continued.
"It was gone. It had walls, just like Alexandria. There were wires and traps in the forest surrounding the place. And it was gone. Ripped to shreds. Bodies were disembodied and had carved 'W' on their foreheads. That was fifty miles away. So, you all have to realize that those people would find Alexandria, even without us being here. And the herd? I bet it was scary when the tower gave up, and all those zombies pushed through. Well. Daryl, Sasha, and Abe lead half away. And my group collected at least half of those who broke off and led them in the other direction. So it would be much, much fucking worse if we weren't here."
In the end I wasn't mowing over my words. They were grieving and scared, which pushed them towards anger, but they had to realize that they would all be dead without us.
"So to summarize, yes. We are taking over. Because we know what we're doing. We know how to secure this place and ensure that even if something similar happens again, you all will know what to do. But that's later. For now, what's most important is to secure the gap in the gate and bury our people."
I looked at them, furrowing my brows, but I was hopeful that they understood what I meant and that they would cooperate.
"We going to split into four groups. We need people to start rebuilding the wall or securing it until it can be done properly. Tobin, Abe, if you could organize it, please. Two, we- we lost nineteen people. We need that amount of graves dug. Heath, Aaron, and Gabriel, you're in charge of that. And finally, we need our people brought to the cemetery, ready for the funeral. Glenn, Oscar, Bryce, can you look at that for me, please? And the rest of us will collect bodies of walkers. We have a few vans. We gonna load them and later drive them away, burn them."
"You can't be serious," The same woman who spoke before snorted, crossing her arms across her chest. I cocked my brow, stepping closer towards the benches.
"And what's your name?" I asked her.
"Lisa..."
"Well, Lisa," I interrupted her before she could say anything else and smirked at her. "I know that majority of those people work on construction and expansion. Others do runs, maintain solar panels. Hell, I know that Matt over there is the one who mauls our lawn. So tell me... what is your job in Alexandria?"
"I help in pantry."
"You help in pantry... Oh, that's precious. See, the thing is, that was just a nice way for Deanna to say that you have no usefulness. Olivia is more than capable of organizing everything in the pantry. She proved it more than once. On our first night here, Deanna compared this community to communism. And guess what, in communism, you either worked or didn't receive notes for food. So here is that. We all have to get our hands dirty, contribute to making sure that Alexandria grows and prospers. We own it to ourselves and to Deanna. Can you do that, Lisa? There is a shit ton of things to be done before winter, and trust me that I'll make sure that everyone contributes."
"Whatever," She was not comfortable to be put on the spot like that if her flushed cheeks were any indicator. But I officially stopped giving two shits about it. I glanced around, staring everyone down.
"If you run out of space in the vans, just move walkers near the parking. Olivia, I need any kind of domestic chemicals you have. We can't afford to use gas for the fire. And before you all got all defensive, no, you don't need fucking bleach right now. Alright, let's get to it."
I sighed heavily when people started leaving the building, approaching appointed people to ask to help. We will take a break tomorrow, but right now, we have to use the remaining light to do all those urgent jobs I mentioned earlier.
Finally, just some of our group remained in the church, making me relax a little. My mask of confidence and indifference fell, and slowly I sat down on a small podium, putting my head in my hands. I knew that with them, I didn't have to be strong. Amongst them, I could be myself. The only missing members were Rick and Carl.
I tilted my face up, swallowing bile in my throat. "Oscar, are you alright with that?" I asked him gently.
The man stopped crying long ago, but the pain was still there when he looked at me. The only consolation was that he didn't seem vacant. He was still with us. And yeah, it will take some time for him to heal, hell we all need to do that, but he will be alright.
"Yeah. I'm fine with that, Boss."
I nodded and glanced around at the others. "I know you're tired. We have about seven hours left before dark. After that, we all can go to sleep, to rest. Tomorrow morning we will hold a funeral."
"You mixed us with them," Rosita stated simply, but there was a note of confusion.
"Look. We came here and stirred a lot of shit. I stand by what I said, that they would be way worse without us here. But they were sheltered for a long time, and change might be slow. They just lost Deanna. We need to be gentle about it. We need for them to stop seeing us like outsiders. But we also need to change. We're here to stay, protect this town. We're citizens of this community too. So we have to start integrating."
"It'll be a lot of babysitting," Maggie pointed out, gently rubbing her flat stomach.
"At the beginning, yes. But we did it back at the prison. We can do it here. We have a base, and we have to make sure that everyone got the means to protect it."
"Alright, people. Move yur lazy asses. Quicker we done quicker we can hit the pillow," Merle hollered, waving at the group, and pushed church's doors open.