That evening, Matt closed up his table earlier than his boss wanted. But Matt had something much more important to do. Promising Hank he'd come in earlier the next day and work longer, Matt grabbed his hat and coat and hurriedly made his way out. He had no idea what was going to happen tonight but he knew what he wanted to happen.
After leaving the gambling hall, Matt set out towards Kitty's house at a brisk pace, a mixture of worry and hopefulness filling his soul. In the last year he'd pretty much summed up his life into two parts. BK and AK. Before Kitty and After Kitty.
Before Kitty he'd been a young, footloose man with little to anchor him aside from the badge on his chest. He'd fancied himself in love with several girls but after they took their leave of him he'd understood that his love of his badge overcame his love or at least intense fondness of all of them.
It wasn't until after Kitty that things became a bit murky in Matt's mind. Though he'd fallen in love with her, for real, he'd remained committed to his badge and his life as an unmarried lawman. But when he held Kitty in his arms, that commitment could sometimes lose its grip ever so slightly.
There were times he'd seriously considered chucking his job completely and making Kitty his wife. But his love of his job and, to a certain extent, his freedom had always pulled him back. Besides, he'd felt, why give up the one thing he knew he was meant to be when he could have both it and her. After all, she'd stayed with him for close to 20 years knowing how, who and what he was. He'd managed to convince himself that she accepted this completely.
But then she'd left. And she not only left, but she'd sold the Long Branch and severed all ties with Dodge City and him.
He hadn't blamed her. But when she'd first left, he didn't expect her to stay gone either. He figured she'd come back, like she always had. Only, she didn't. Leaving for good was the only thing Kitty could have ever done to really shake him up, make him think. Sure, he'd carried on with his duties. His job didn't suffer her loss one bit. But he had. And as each day passed that loss wore on him.
Nights on the prairie became torturous knowing there would be no soft bed to lie on when he made it back to Dodge. Highlights of his trips, if there were any, were un-important, as he had no one to share them with. Meals had lost their flavor and favorite past times were no longer fun. Even his interactions with Doc and Festus and everyone else he knew were somewhat strained due to her absence.
When Matt had finally had enough. When he could no longer rest and his job was no longer something he could tolerate much less enjoy. When even the food he ate and the whiskey he drank had lost all flavor, Matt knew time had come to make a decision. The one decision he never thought he'd have to.
As Matt walked he remembered sitting at his desk at the jail, mentally tallying the pros and cons of it all. No matter how it was tallied, he knew his time as a lawman was over. If he wanted to enjoy the rest of his life, he'd need to shed the badge that had kept him its prisoner for so many years and run to the woman who still held his heart.
It was that day when he'd finally made the decision to permanently quit as US Marshal. He knew he was ready for it and he knew he'd never turn back to it. That part of his life was over for good. He just hoped he could completely convince Kitty of that. Because no matter what, he would never ever be happy again without her in his future.
The sun had already disappeared from view when he reached her house. There was one light in the front window, but no other welcoming signs. Hesitating for a moment, Matt took a deep breath, straightened his string tie, took his hat off and smoothed his hair and squared his shoulders. He was as ready as he would ever be. Reaching out, he knocked on the door.
TBC