**dips toe into the water** First SVU fic. Plot bunnies ate my brain. Send help.

All I Ever Wanted
by ScintillatingTart

I:

Elliot Stabler was decidedly unimpressed with the man.

In the two months since he and Olivia Benson had begun slowly building a relationship together, carefully avoiding the subject of his 10 year absence and her son's parentage, he had wondered many things. Things that he kept to himself – especially after she gasped and moaned 'Raf' more than once during particularly intense sex.

He didn't want to know. He already knew about Cassidy and Tucker, thanks to the NYPD rumor mill, and that was a hard enough pill to swallow. And he knew that she was like kryptonite: everyone would be affected eventually by her if only she touched them long enough.

Elliot had been at his desk when the 10-13 had gone out, doing inane paperwork. He had been texting with Olivia half an hour before, putting off their plans because she had something come up with a case, and he resented the job a little bit more every day that it came between them. But then his phone blew up and it was Fin, telling him to meet them at Mercy – it was Liv, the 10-13 was Liv – and it was all he could do not to crush his phone in his hand, remembering Kathy, remembering victims past and present.

Rollins was in the corner of the waiting room, held by Carisi, shaky and ashen. Fin was pacing, his face as impassive as ever it had been. Elliot was maddened by the scene in front of him as he burst in. "Is there any word – what happened?" he demanded, the two questions almost simultaneously flowing out of his mouth like water.

"Stabler, man, calm down," Fin said, holding up one hand to placate him. "I can't tell you much."

"She fell," Rollins said, her voice as shaky as the rest of her. "Two stories. She was with Corina Wilson, talking… calmly… about the outcome of the –"

"Her rapist plead out," Carisi interjected.

Elliot nodded, wishing they would just get to the point. But that wasn't fair, was it? Not really. Not when Amanda had been there when Olivia had been injured. She was his conduit to what had happened, and he needed to know – but his patience was running thin.

"She was fine," Rollins said very quietly. "And then it was like somebody threw a switch and she said she was sure nothing bad ever happened to Captain Benson and even if it did, why would she suffer for long? And she just… she grabbed Liv and just dragged her over the edge of the balcony before Liv could even react to what was going on. Before I could even –" The normally steady woman began to shudder, her breaths becoming choking noises as she attempted to gag back sobs.

"'Manda, it's okay," Fin assured her. "No one could've known she was going to do that – not you, not Liv." The sergeant looked at Elliot and frowned. "Man, say something – she's been through hell."

"I'm sorry," Elliot said, sighing. "Did the other woman survive?"

"No, she was dead when I got down to the terrace level," Amanda choked out. "Liv was barely moving; I didn't think she was alive for a minute, but I'd been screaming the 10-13 on the radio the whole time I was in the elevator."

"She's strong," Fin supplied in a gentle tone. "I'm going to go get an update –"

"No, I should," Elliot said. "I'm her…" He paused, searching for the right word, finally settling. "I'm her partner, Fin."

Fin's eyes narrowed. "Knock yourself out, man," he said with a shrug.

Elliot walked over to the counter and said, "I need an update on Olivia Benson, please –"

The woman smiled a little and replied, "Your name, sir?"

"Elliot Stabler."

She looked at her monitor after typing and paused, then delicately cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, Mr. Stabler, I cannot release any information on Ms. Benson's condition to you at this time."

"May I ask –"

"You aren't listed."

He pulled back from the counter, exhaling roughly; they had talked about this, late one night, wrapped around one another, about how he wanted her to take care of Eli if anything happened to him – about how he wanted to list her as his emergency contact. Impulsively, he'd made the arrangements the next day, and had assumed she had done the same. Instead, now he was faced with an unknown fear: who was actually in charge if worse came to worse and she needed more care than basics?

He headed back toward the little group and muttered, "They didn't tell me anything."

"Yeah, they wouldn't," Carisi said with a derisive snort.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Elliot snapped.

"Sonny, don't," Rollins sighed, patting at the ADA like it would placate him. "We promised not to get involved."

"Yeah, 'Manda, fuck that," Carisi muttered. "You really think Liv didn't see it coming? She hasn't been herself since he came back. It's like watching a shit show go down and you can't do anything about it and now – now she's hurt."

Elliot watched Fin stroll over to the station and have a soft conversation with the same woman that had flattened him only minutes before. She was much more receptive to him and Fin immediately made a phone call before returning to the squabbling group. "She's in surgery," was all Fin said. "He's on his way from his mom's – had to drop Noah off."

Elliot's frown deepened; how had he forgotten Noah in the middle of all of this? "Who has Noah?" he asked. "His father? I mean… is it his weekend?"

Amanda was staring at him like he had two heads. "Yeah, okay, Stabler," she said.

"Noah's fine, man," Fin assured him. "Everything's under control on that front: we just need to worry about this bit right here."

"Is he on his way, though?" Rollins asked.

"Traffic," Fin said knowingly.

It was another two hours without an update from the doctors and without a sign of the mystery man. To say that Elliot was unimpressed was an understatement. He had practically vaulted buildings to get to Mercy and this dude couldn't even be assed to show his stupid face –

And then a medium height, medium built man burst into the waiting room; his hair looked like it had been slicked back into respectability earlier in the day, but now was running amok. His trench coat whipped with force as he came to a halt, and he said, "Fin, I need to speak to you." Elliot sneered a little at the man's lavender striped shirt and charcoal grey suit, accented with a teal brocade tie that was extremely loose around his neck. The man paused and looked directly at him, then said, "You're Elliot Stabler." It was said with undisguised frustration, and Elliot immediately disliked him, whoever he was. "Fin, now –"

"Wait," Elliot said. "What's going on with Liv?"

"That's what we're going to find out," Fin said with a sigh. "Look, man – I'm just the secondary. I can't make any decisions on my own."

"No, you can't," the all-too-smooth mystery man said decisively. "Come on, Tutuola, they're waiting." And then they were gone from the room.

Elliot crossed his arms, reaching up to fiddle with his beard. "Never would have thought," he muttered.

His voice must have carried because Carisi glanced over sharply. "What?" he snapped. "Thought what, Stabler?"

"That Noah's dad would be –"

"He isn't Noah's dad," Rollins interjected. "But he's the only one Liv trusts in situations like this to have a level head and take care of shit, so you just shut your fucking pie hole before I shut it for you."

"'Manda," Carisi scolded softly, "babe, that isn't going to help anything."

Elliot finally stopped pacing and dropped into a chair, putting his head in his hands. "How can I trust that man with my girlfriend's welfare when I don't even know his name? I know nothing about him – "

"He's good people," Carisi assured him. "A former ADA. Rafael Barba –"

Elliot sat up straight then, feeling like ice water had been dumped on him. "Rafael Barba?" he repeated. Echoes of Liv's voice in his head taunted him, breathless and full of want, aching with passion as she panted, "Raf," and he felt sick to his stomach.

That was the man she fantasized about when she was with him. That metrosexual, non-descript, average Hispanic guy that he could probably outdo in every way…

Son of a bitch.

He didn't say anything else until Fin and Barba came back into the waiting area. Fin looked tired; more tired than before. Barba had removed his trench coat and suit jacket, revealing ridiculous teal suspenders that made Elliot want to punch him in the face – completely irrationally, of course. It had nothing at all to do with the fact that his lover obviously preferred another man's company over his, oh no… just that the suspenders were ridiculous and if that was half of the attraction, the urge was there anyway to knock him on his smarmy ass.

Barba inhaled heavily, then said, "She's just out of surgery – collapsed lung. She broke three ribs when she landed. Her ribcage and spine took the brunt of the fall, but she'll be okay. She didn't hit her head – miracle – but she's got a bit of whiplash and dislocated her collarbone."

"When can we see her?" Elliot immediately asked.

Fin's eyes narrowed. "Not tonight," he said firmly. "Tomorrow, maybe, if she's up to it."

Barba watched him, and Elliot sighed. "Yeah, okay – I need to get home and make sure Eli is in bed anyway," he grunted. It was an excuse, an easy way out: he needed a way out of the room, out of the hospital, out of the little family he wasn't a part of anymore. This was Liv's world: he was only tolerated in it for so long, and only as her plus one. "Fin… tell her I love her," Elliot said, his voice low and gruff on the words as they caught in his throat.

He did love her – more than anything, and it still terrified him how much. How vulnerable she made him. How hard it was to leave her, how difficult it was to stay with her. How much damn work it was to balance everything and make it function even a little bit. And now, spots of angry jealously dancing in his vision as he tried not to think about Rafael fucking Barba and what he and Olivia had probably gotten up to before, he wondered if it was even worth the effort to keep trying.

They were such a fucking mess and she was in a hospital bed and he couldn't even see her because she didn't trust him enough to –

"Yeah, man, I will," Fin assured him. "Go home and get some rest."

Elliot knew damn well that rest wasn't in the cards.