Sorry about the wait on this chapter: I've had some stuff come up in the last few weeks like the anniversary of my brother's suicide, my grandmother having an aneurysm and a stroke, my uncle visiting from the UK (first Covid-protocol visit), and a bunch of work-related nonsense on top of the normal shenanigans. So a marginal amount of stress.

VIII:

"This isn't exactly a pleasure cruise, people," SVU Bureau Chief Hamilton said to the assembled group. "While you'll be allowed to attend different courses and break-out rooms within the larger seminar based on your personal discretion, there are a few non-negotiable things you must attend: Detectives Benson and Tutuola's break out room being one, and the intuitive questioning room being the other. Are there any questions?"

"Yeah," one of the guys from Queens said. "Why do they get to lead a room and the rest of us are stuck doing lousy shit?"

"Maybe because we have a case closure rate in the high eighties?" Fin said casually.

"Because Manhattan SVU works closely with the Feds to keep their programs parallel and the legislation intersections on par," Hamilton said in a mild tone. "Okay? There is no favoritism here. This is why we have our law partners here, as well – as evidenced by Executive ADA Barba and District Attorney McCoy. We are all capable of learning new things and implementing them in our everyday routines."

"Ugh, lawyers," one of the Bronx guys laughed.

Olivia hid a smile even as she looked over at Rafael in his grey suit, pale pink shirt, and turquoise tie. He had let her pick his tie and suspenders that morning, but the socks, shirt, and pocket square had all been a surprise: and she wasn't above raising a brow at him. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively, anticipating a fight with the room full of police – as usual – and settled in for a battle.

She watched him wander off with Jack McCoy, and was at least glad to know that he was with a friend of sorts for the next few days as they struggled through the sex crimes training.

By the end of the day, she was exhausted and irritable. The female officers had been willing to listen – rape trauma questioning wasn't for the feint of heart, and showing people how to pivot and push the right buttons for a result without necessarily provoking more trauma wasn't the easiest task – but the male officers… many of them had been more interested in attempting to look down Olivia's blouse and trying to score her phone number.

She packed up her paperwork and notes, looking over at Fin. "You wanna go get a drink?" she asked.

"I'm not the one you want to get a drink with," he replied with a smirk.

Liv paused. "Excuse me?"

"Liv… I know you've been seeing Barba."

She paused. "How –"

"Don't ask and I haven't told anyone," he assured her. "And I'm not going to."

"How long have you known?"

"Since we were working those crossover cases with Brooklyn SVU."

"Shit," she muttered. "Does Elliot know?"

Fin made a face. "Fuck no."

"Oh, thank god." Liv exhaled in relief. She hesitated a moment, then said, "Fin… we're getting married tomorrow night."

Fin's brows rose. "Seriously? The fuck?"

"It's been booked since – well, since we all got booked in for the conference."

"You're getting married? To El Tiburón? Seriously, Liv?" Fin's face was a study in utter disbelief. "I mean… it's not exactly like you've been forthcoming with your relationship."

"No," she agreed, "but I don't need everyone else to tell me I'm wrong when I know that I'm right. The rose that gets delivered to my desk every morning from the florist on the corner is from Rafael. We see each other as often as we can, and sometimes, that's only once a week, sometimes, it's only once every couple of weeks – and sometimes, I can't sleep and just show up at his apartment in the middle of the night to cuddle because I miss him and he's busy prepping and I've been working my ass off and we've been playing phone tag." She took a deep breath. "And Elliot and all his drama in the last couple of weeks… first with Kathleen and then with Richard's godfather –"

"Yeah, that was rough."

"And he had the balls to look me in the eye and ask if I was still seeing the douchebag from Brooklyn," she sighed with a frown. "No, no, I'm not seeing him – not anymore. I'm marrying him. Choke on those apples, Elliot." She stuffed one of her files into her bag and muttered, "It would serve him right if I transferred after we get back."

"Are you going to?" Fin asked.

She sighed heavily. "No. Of course not. Elliot's bad attitude doesn't dictate my relationship."

"Okay, good… because I think, honestly, that you've been really happy with this dude and you could do a lot worse," he said. "But marriage this soon in –"

"We're sure, Fin. This is it for us. It's the endgame: we're done."

"But marriage is a big commitment – you don't just shut it off," Fin pointed out.

"We know," Liv said. "And… nothing is really going to change for a while yet, except that we'll share benefits packages and he'll be my emergency contact and I'll be his and that kind of a thing."

"What about your last name?" he asked.

She shrugged. "What about it?"

"You're not going to change it?"

"I hadn't thought about it. Everyone knows me as Benson. It would confuse them to change it now, wouldn't it?"

"Well, I mean… are you ashamed of your relationship with the man?"

"No," she said quickly. "Not at all: I love Rafael very much. But everyone else seems to think he's a terrible person that's incapable of loving anyone, so I stopped advertising that I was in a relationship at all. Goodness knows Elliot's been mocking my boyfriend for quite some time –"

"Olivia, he's been making fun of anyone you date because he's jealous."

She flinched and muttered, "Well… he's not going to know, then, is he? About Rafael and me. Because you're going to be our only witness, Fin."

"I'm flattered, but that's an awfully big secret to keep –"

"It's an easier one to keep than Sealview," she said softly.

He groaned. "Fine, Olivia – fine."

She smiled then, a little smugly. "Besides: we're going to be happy, Fin. And I mean it when I say we're going to stick it out."

"Liv… everyone has that intention going in," Fin sighed. "I mean, I did when I got married. It's just what you do. You're conditioned to think that it's one time only and you make it work no matter the cost. Look at Stabler. Jesus."

She frowned, suddenly very aware of what she was about to do. Marrying someone her partner hated as if it was shameful, concealing it from him as if his was the only opinion that mattered… But he was so close to her still, so firmly entrenched in her life that she needed a final breaking point to keep them separated. He had made his choice, and she had walked away, wounded but still breathing, and had found Rafael even though she hadn't been looking.

"Can we not talk about Elliot?" Liv said. "I mean –"

"Liv, honestly, I thought that you and he would –"

"We almost did when he and Kathy were separated," she admitted very quietly. "But things change. And people don't. And here we are. They have Eli and I have Rafael. It all worked out in the end, but if you tell my asshole partner I said that…"

"My lips are sealed on all counts," Fin said.

"So we'll meet you in the lobby at seven," she said, "and we have the hotel chapel booked at seven-thirty."

"How crazy is it that the hotel has a wedding chapel?" Fin chuckled.

"So crazy – but weddings are a huge business, so I guess I can't complain since I am the one getting married…" She took a deep breath and laughed shakily. "I promised him we'd be squabbling till we're 85. I mean every word of it, Fin. I want to argue about who makes breakfast, who takes out the trash, why the bills didn't get paid – though he's anal enough everything's on autopay already – why the kids don't have their allowance on time…"

"You want kids?" Fin asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Liv sighed softly. "I do."

"Even after everything we see all day –"

"Only with him – only with Rafa," she murmured.

"Liv, I don't mean to rain on your parade, but he's a bit of a pompous ass –"

"You don't know him like I do," she shot back. "He'll be the best father, Fin. I know it. He doesn't think he will, either, but he's going to have to warm up to the idea."

"Squabbling at 85?" he questioned with a chuckle. "You really spouted that at him?"

"I did," she said defensively.

"And he bought it?"

Her face softened, relaxed from its defensive mask, and she allowed herself to really shine through. "He didn't have to buy it, Fin: we both want it so badly, we're going to fight for it. This really is it for me. I'm done looking, I'm done playing the field, no more picking me up from random bars all over the city at oh-dark-thirty because I got drunk to forget that I'm stupid single and lonely. Because I'm not. And I love him."

"I love you, too, Benson," came Rafael's soft voice from the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt – I was meant to take Olivia for a drink and –"

"Counselor," Fin greeted, looking him up and down.

"Fin," Olivia said gently, "do you want to come with us? We can go somewhere else. We have reservations at an Indian restaurant down the Strip: it would be easy enough to make it three instead of two."

"I wouldn't want to crash the party," Fin said cautiously.

"You wouldn't be," Rafael said. "I assume she asked you about coming tomorrow night –"

"Yeah, and I do have some questions," Fin said.

"Oh," Liv said.

"Mainly – what exactly do you intend to do to announce that you got married?"

Liv looked at Rafael, who had gone slightly pale around the edges. For as publicly demonstrative a man as he was, in his home life, he was intensely private, and he meant to keep those worlds as separated as possible. She understood completely: they were special, off-limits to the world. The idea of being under a microscope made her itch.

"Honestly, I don't," Rafael said. "Liv and I have talked and we don't want anything to change, for the time being. We'll keep going as before, but if something happens, we'll be each other's emergency contact. Our paperwork at work will reflect a change in status, but we'll have to slip it under the radar. I mean, it isn't like we're working in the same office or even in the same borough, so it shouldn't be a big issue. No one needs to know that doesn't have to know."

Fin nodded slowly, then exhaled. "If that's what you want –"

"It is," Liv said. "You know how everyone is at the precinct –"

"Olivia, they're just happy that you have someone to go home to," Fin said gently. "They don't care if it's Adam, Eve, or your Aunt Fanny."

"Except Elliot –"

"Elliot's an ass. We already established that," Fin replied with a little grin. "Now, my next question: is there a prenup?"

Rafael snorted. "No. Because we're not getting divorced. And if we did, it would be as much my fault as hers, probably more, and she would be entitled to at least half of my assets. So, no. No prenup. I know what I'm getting into, Detective Tutuola. I was asked the same question by Rita Calhoun yesterday when she faxed over a fifty page fully-fleshed prenup to my office and told me I was an idiot."

"Since when does Rita Calhoun do marital law?" Liv said, her brow creasing.

"Rita serves her own interests – and her friends'," Rafael said softly. "She's coming for the wedding, mi amor. I'm sorry: please don't be angry. I thought if you had Fin, I could have Rita –"

"I didn't know you were friends –"

"Since Harvard," he replied. "Are you angry?"

"No, why would I be angry?" She looked at him and smiled. "Did you think I'd keep you from having someone here just because she hates me?"

"She doesn't hate you: she thinks you're amazing. She doesn't think we're going to last, but that's an argument for another time – because she's wrong, mi amor." Rafael took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. "Okay, enough – I need a scotch, and you need some wine. What's your poison, Detective?"

"I'm going to your wedding: you'd better call me Fin. And I'll have a beer," Fin said. "Besides, I think you've answered my questions." He had a passive look on his face, but Liv could see a smile in his eyes, and she felt confident that they had put it there.

After the short ceremony and signing the paperwork, they headed up to Rafael's room. He had a bucket with champagne waiting and room service had delivered some food – nothing too outlandish – but it was enough for their guests, should they want to stay for a little bit.

"To Mr. and Mrs. Barba," Rita said with a chuckle, toasting them with her glass of champagne. "You know, I didn't think you actually had it in you, Rafi –"

"Shut up, Rita," Rafael muttered.

"He doesn't date," Rita continued, undeterred. "He has one-night stands. Maybe two-night stands, if the mood takes him. But dating? Actual emotional connection? Not since college."

"Liv here," Fin began.

"Oh, don't you start," Liv sighed.

"Liv here has her pick of men and she always goes for the –"

"Stop it," Liv groaned. "Stop. Please. What does it matter now?" She squeezed her husband's – her husband's – hand and was reassured when he squeezed back just as tightly. As always, Rafael was fighting in her corner, supporting her, even if he wasn't actively involved: and she hadn't known how much she needed that in her life until she had it. And now… now he was hers and that marriage license with their names and signatures on it said he wasn't just going to go away again.

It was daunting, that level of commitment.

Daunting, overwhelming, terrifying…

But his presence was reassuring in all the ways she needed it to be.

TBC...