Hi,

Wow, it's been a while. Sorta fell into a writing slump, but I'm still aiming to finish this. Even if it takes me some time. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! Thank you so much for all of the love you give this story; it makes my day when I get a notification! I hope you like the new chapter.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, implied sexual relationships, manipulation, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 19: Hurt People Hurt People

"I've always loved you, and when you love someone, you love the whole person, just as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be."

― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

9:54 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I stared at the blank canvas, trying my best to find something to paint. I set my brush down with a huff, running my fingers through my hair. I fought the urge to shove my nails in my palm until blood was drawn. I couldn't concentrate, and my brain was demanding that I needed to talk to Kim right now because she would know what to do or at the very least slap me into reality. I didn't think I could wait until tomorrow.

I thought back to three days ago, my body felt flushed, and it was almost like I could feel his hands and breath tracing over my skin. I closed my eyes, trying to hold onto the memory, and sear it into my mind. I wanted to remember how close we were.

My mind suddenly flashed to the intense emotion, and I couldn't help but cringe when I remembered how panicked I felt when I sensed the change in the atmosphere. I didn't know what to do, and part of me wanted to continue, and the other let the nerves take over. I was such an idiot. I chewed on my lower lip, rubbing my eyes when I felt the burning behind them. I grabbed my phone, dialing Kim. I held the phone to my ear, forcing myself to curl my hand into a fist so I did not shove my thumb in my mouth to gnaw on my nails.

"Hey, Rys?" Kim answered in a chipper tone, "what's up?" A rush of relief coursed through my body at her voice.

"I know we are supposed to meet tomorrow, but I need to tell you now," I rushed out, pacing back and forth in the art room.

"What's going on? You sound a little bit panicked," Kim sounded calm as always. "I can come over." It was late, and I felt terrible for making her worry about something that I was making a big deal over when it was completely natural.

"No... no... I just... I don't... Fuck... Uhm... Well, Paul and I came close to having sex last week, but I panicked and said I wanted to stop, but I didn't want to, but I said I wanted to because I didn't know what to do," I sighed, sitting down on my chair. I felt like the weight I had on my shoulders had lessened. I was way out of my depth. I wanted to talk to Paul about it, but I didn't even know where to start with the insecurity bubbling in my chest.

"This is a conversation that needs to happen in person. I'm coming over. We need an emergency girls' night. I'll be over in twenty. Do NOT panic!" Kim's tone left no room for arguments.

"Front door is open. I'll make some hot chocolate," I relented, getting up to warm the milk. "See you in a bit." I ended the call, closing up my art room. The house felt empty, and for once, I was glad I was by myself and that Jay was at Seth's. I didn't want him to hear about this. I glanced at the time again, and Paul's shift started twenty minutes ago. He had told me once in passing that he would always run by the house at the beginning and end of his shift to ensure we were safe. So, at least I knew what I would say to Kim would be in confidence.

I went to unlock the door before heading back to the kitchen to warm up the milk. I busied myself with chopping up the chocolate to add. I peeked out the window, grimacing at the light rain as I slowly stirred the milk. I let my thoughts drift to Paul, and I hoped he was okay with the rain. I heard a knock on the doo. I wished she would just get comfortable and not feel she needed to knock every time she came over.

"It's open, Kim." I dumped the powder into the pot, letting the powder dissolve as I whisked it. "I'm sorry, I was just really nervous." I laughed, pouring the content into her favorite red mug. "I know I should just talk to him about it, but I wanted to talk to you first. He always tells me no judgment like the sweetheart he is, but I need my best friend's advice." I picked up the mug, turning around to face her.

I let the mug drop when I saw Alex standing behind me with his hands shoved in his pocket. I flinched when I felt the hot liquid splash against one of my legs. "Jesus, Laryssa." I shook myself out of my shock when I stepped back, ignoring the counter digging into my lower back. I didn't want to talk to him. My fear spiked when I realized I was alone with him. He wasn't the boy I had grown up with, and I didn't know what he was capable of.

"Leave... please." My voice sounded meek to my ears, and I saw anger flash through his eyes. I was blocked in the kitchen, and my leg was starting to hurt. I would not cower in front of him. "I don't want anything to do with you. Leave."

"Laryssa. Please, just stop and think clearly for a moment." He took a step forward, causing me to glare at him and shift further away. I was in no state to talk to him. "I messed up. I shouldn't have given you the silent treatment. Can't we just talk?"

"No. I don't feel the need to talk to you about what happened. Nor do I want to," I hissed, letting the anger take over, ignoring the pain stemming from my leg. "Just leave me alone."

"You don't mean that. That's the manwhore talking," Alex grimaced, inching closer to me. I grabbed the whisk, pointing it at him.

He held his hands up, staying planted where he was. "Don't speak of him that way. Contrary to what you or anyone else may think, Paul doesn't speak or make decisions for me." Just looking at his face made me feel sick to my stomach. I trusted him with secrets, let him into my life and what he planned to do was a deal-breaker for me. Seeing him in front of me only solidified it. "I want you to leave, and I don't want anything to do with you." I foolishly thought that he was my friend.

Alex laughed, leaning against the fridge. The audacity of his laugh made me want to beat him with the whisk. "You think that is what is happening. You are so goddamn naive. What has he actually said about me? Y'know what? It doesn't matter the manwhore is just jealous. That's why he's making you push me away. He wants me out of the picture, and he's trying his best to keep me away, but I'm not gonna let that happen. I've always looked out for you. Especially when your dad died-"

"Don't you fucking dare," I took a step towards him feeling my blood boil. "The bullshit coming from your mouth is making me sick. Looking out for me? Really? So is looking out for me making a bet about my virginity?" His face fell, and he tried to look ashamed. I shook my head and stared at him, and the longer I did, the more I wanted him to hurt. "Don't you dare come into my home and demand what you want from me; I don't care what you want. I frankly just don't care about you. Just looking at you makes me nauseous. You were my best friend, and I trusted you, and you violated that. Just leave me the hell alone."

"No. I messed up. I wasn't going to do it," Alex begged with watery eyes, stepping so that his chest was pressed up against the whisk. "It was stupid. Laryssa, you know me."

I shoved the whisk into his chest, feeling my throat close up with the devastating hurt. "No... I don't think that I ever did. I want you to leave."

"No." He grabbed my hand, holding onto me tightly. "We can figure this out." Alex tried to intertwine our hands.

I yanked my hand away, shoving him away from me. "I don't want to. I don't get why you aren't getting this. Leave. Me. ALONE."

I heard the front door open, and I glanced at the door seeing Kim nervously clutching her phone. She looked freaked out, and I was partly relieved to see her. I shook my head, silently pleading with her to leave. I would not put her at risk.

"You should leave," Kim said, quickly moving to stand beside me. She grabbed my hand, glaring at Alex. She squeezed my hand, and I didn't feel alone.

"No." Alex stood firm, not budging from his spot. "I won't let themor our mistakeruin us." I scoffed, tightening my hand against Kim's. I pulled out my phone. I needed to call someone to get him out of my house.

"I think she told you to leave," I let out a sign in relief when I saw Paul move towards Kim and me. He looked me over before moving to stand in front of us. I could see the slight tremble over his body. I pressed my hand against his back, gripping his thin black shirt, trying to calm him. "Now leave. I won't repeat it." Paul moved his hand to rest on my back. I felt his thumb stroking my back, and his trembles stopped. I saw Jared out of the corner of my eye, keeping his gaze on Alex.

Alex scoffed, crossing his arms like a petulant child. "This doesn't involve you. You've done an excellent job keeping her from me, but she and I are having a conversation. So why don't all of you butt out." He glared at everyone, giving me a pointed stare like I would help him.

I felt a strong tremble run through Paul's body. I let go of Kim's hand and moved from behind him to stand in front of him. I didn't need him to get any more upset than he was. "Alexander, what you did. It's not something I can look past. I trusted you and what you did tells me that you saw me as a possession. You hurt me to the core, and I want you to leave." I blinked, feeling my vision blur. I felt a warm hand settle on my side, and I took the chance to intertwine our hands.

He scoffed, shaking his head at me like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He stared at me like he was trying to will my answer to change. "So fucking naive. He's using you. But this is cute," He waved a hand at us. "When this falls apart, and your friends tire of you, especially when he gets tired of you and fucks someone else. I won't be there. You made your bed, so now you have to lie in it," He tsked, turning on his heel, heading towards the door. Jared shadowed him, making sure he really was leaving. Alex stopped a few feet away from the door. "I've spent four years of my life loving you, protecting you, and you choose him and them. He's inevitably gonna hurt you, and when he does, I hope it hurts as much as you hurt me. I, for one, can't wait to see it." He yanked open the front door, slamming it behind him. I closed my eyes, feeling a sharp pain settle in my chest. It was over, and half of me felt relief, and the other felt an immense sorrow.

I let out a deep breath once he was gone. Paul gripped me, turning me as he wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me into an embrace. "I've got you." I nodded, wrapping my arms around him quickly before pulling back.

I glanced at Kim, moving to give her a hug. Kim hugged me tightly, "Sorry it took me so long. I heard his voice, and I called Jared. You didn't tell me that he was going to be here."

Kim pulled back, rubbing my shoulders. "I unlocked the door for you, and I thought it was you." I eyed the mess on the floor, not having the heart to clean it right away.

"We are going to give you some time to talk." Kim nodded, her eyes darting to Paul, and then she looked at Jared. She walked over to Jared, taking his hand leading him outside. I grabbed the dishtowel off the counter, settling it over the mess.

I turned back to face Paul, and his lips were pressed in a hard line as he looked at me. I tried to rub his tense shoulders, but they remained stiff. "I'm okay," I put my hand on his chin when I noticed his fierce eyes. I stroked his cheek lightly, trying to calm him, "Really... I thought you were on patrol?" Paul picked me up, setting me on the counter. He took a moment to draw me closer to him and grip me tightly before he pulled back. "Again with the muscles," I tried to joke, but he wouldn't smile. His eyes scanned over my body repeatedly before he picked up my left leg, frowning at how irritated it was. "I dropped a mug. He scared me, and some of the liquid got on me. But, I'm okay." Paul sighed, grabbing some paper towels, wetting them underneath the water. He started patting down my leg. I felt another tremble, and I reached down, capturing his hand stopping him for a moment.

"Why didn't you check before opening the door," He sounded angry, and I wasn't sure if he was mad at me or the situation. I froze; I didn't want him to be mad at me.

"I knew Kim was on her way. I didn't expect anyone else." I murmured, letting his hand go. "I mean, everyone knows everyone here."

"Laryssa," Paul sighed, a frown on his face and his eyebrows wrinkled in displeasure. I knew I messed up. I should've checked, and I could've avoided the entire situation by just slamming the door in his face. "Baby, you need to be more careful." He set my leg down gently, putting his hands on my face. "Are you okay?" I couldn't look at the disappointment written on his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried to smile, glancing down at my gray and black shorts. "You should get back to patrol. I'm okay." I yanked on the loose thread, avoiding looking at him.

"Then why won't you look at me." His hand covered mine, and I still couldn't bring myself to look at him. Paul lifted his hand to my chin to try and get me to look at him. "Laryssa..." I shut my eyes quickly as he lifted my head. He sighed, wrapping his arms around me again pulling me into his embrace.

I dug my fingers into his shirt, pulling myself closer to him. "I keep fucking up. I'm furious with myself. I just want it to stop. Grace, Alex, and Cody. It's one thing after another, and I just want a minute of peace. I want to worry about what to cook for dinner. Don't you get irritated that it's one burden after another?" A part of me hated that I was putting him through all of this.

I felt his fingers stroke my back as he held me tight. "I don't like that you're going through this, not because you're a burden, but because I can see how much it's hurting you. It's not always gonna be like this. I'm sorry for getting upset. I just want you to be careful. Laryssa, if something happens to you, I won't know what to do."

Paul stroked my hair, pressing a kiss to the side of my head. "I'm sorry," I whispered into his shoulder. He pulled back, brushing the side of my cheek.

"It's okay," Paul smiled, bumping his finger against my nose. "I have to get back." Paul squished my cheeks, pecking my puckered lips. I grabbed his hands, prying them off of my face. "I'm gonna get off at 3:30. Mind if I come here?"

"Of course not. Kim's gonna hog my bed, but the couch is free," I played with his hand. "I just don't want your neck to hurt."

Paul wrinkled his nose, most likely remembering the last time we slept on the couch as he rubbed the back of his neck. I held my smirk, reminiscing how much of a baby he had been and how he pleaded for me to massage his neck and shoulders. "Tomorrow night, maybe it can just be us?" I smirked, nodding at him. "It's a date then."

Paul leaned down, kissing me quickly. I savored the kiss for a moment before I pulled back. "Go. I'll see you tomorrow."

He rubbed his nose against mine before turning and heading to the front door. "I'll text you when I get home. Sweet dreams."

"Be safe."

11:49 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

"You panicked," Kim asked, staring up at the ceiling. She giggled into her palm. "I'm not laughing at you, but I did something similar. Jared was a sweetheart about it. But going back to you, it's when you're ready."

I nodded, "So was Paul... he just held me, and we talked." I turned to face Kim. I felt like I was ready, but maybe I wasn't. "Do you ever get scared about the future with Jared?"

"At first, yeah. I mean, it was a little hard to believe with the whole imprinting, and I may have fainted a little when Jared showed me his wolf but now, no. I'm excited for us." She turned on her side, a dreamy look on his face. "Are you?"

"No. Well, I mean, I get scared when Paul patrols, and he tells me about the cold ones," I murmured, brushing my hair away from my face. I wanted to see him in his wolf. I tried to close my eyes and picture it, but I couldn't see it. I never asked to see him, and I wondered if he would show me. "Wait, how do you faint a little?"

Kim slapped my arm, snorting as she sat up. "Okay... I fainted." I smirked, tucking my feet underneath the blanket. "Sometimes I can't sleep when he's out there. He always tells me that no bloodsucker is gonna take him away from me, but I can't help it."

"Me either. Paul says the same thing, but it still worries me. I keep telling myself that we both know they're gonna kick ass, and there is no reason to worry." She reached back taking my hand and squeezed it. Part of me felt relieved to know I wasn't alone in how I was feeling.

"You're right." Kim laid back down. She reached her hands up towards the ceiling tracing the constellations. "Was Paul upset earlier?"

"Yeah, because I didn't check before opening the door," I sighed, rubbing my hand against my leg.

"What Alex said was fucked up..." She trailed off, turning to face me. I shrugged, still processing the event. His version of love made me cringe and everything that he said over the years made me second guess everything about him. I tried to focus on the good times, but I didn't know if he was genuine. "I honestly thought you guys would end up together. I mean, the way he looked at you sometimes was interesting." I eyed Kim, trying to think back without the blinders on.

"I guess I didn't really think much about it. I mean, I didn't see Alex as someone I wanted to be with. I can't picture myself kissing him, let alone being in a relationship with him. Everything changed with Paul, and he brought out something in me I had forgotten. I mean, I had crushes, but nothing like what I feel now," I glanced around the room, my eyes settling on the goofy picture of Paul and I's hanging right beside my dad's last note to me. I tried to think back to before Paul and see myself in a relationship with Alex, and my stomach turned to stone.

"Fair. Guess it doesn't matter now. So tell me... Who were these crushes?" Kim moved, placing her head on my stomach. "I won't tell Paul." I ran my fingers through her hair.

I snickered, knowing that even if she did, I wouldn't mind. "I know you won't. Besides, it was just two. Calian and Kai." I thought back to when Calian and I had shared an English class last year, how he mocked Romeo and Juliet under his breath. He always made me laugh at how he liked to have small contests on who drew the best stick figure and permanently crowned himself the winner. I liked him, and I was disappointed when he moved. I hoped he was doing good.

"Calian was gonna ask you out," Kim murmured as I started to braid her hair. "I heard him talking to his friends about it, but then you were gone for two weeks, and he left," Kim yawned, pushing her face into my stomach. "Y'know, even if I did tell Paul that it was ages ago, he would still be jealous."

"He doesn't have a reason to be jealous," I smirked, shaking my head at the idea of Paul being jealous. I couldn't recall a time when Paul got jealous. She smiled, yawning into the palm of her hand. She mumbled something incoherent, closing her eyes.

3:49 a.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I sat up on the bed, glowering at Kim. I never learned; I knew I should've just made a pallet on the floor. I rubbed my hip, glancing at the time. Frowning, I grabbed my phone, not seeing his text that he was at home. I tried to calm my rush of panic. He was almost twenty minutes late, and I shoved down the thought of the cold ones harming him. I would raise hell if something took him away from me.

"He's probably just farther from home, and it's taking him longer." I got up quietly, trying my best not to disturb Kim. I walked to the bathroom, clutching my phone. I closed the door quietly, fumbling with the lights as I tried taking in deep breaths. "He's okay..."

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I held it up quickly, feeling tears rise to the surface as I read his message.

Paul: I'm home with all my blood still in my body :P

I let out a deep breath, sitting on the toilet. I felt my heart settle as I unlocked my phone with shaky hands.

Laryssa: Good, no injuries?

My phone started buzzing immediately after he read my text. I clicked the green button, holding the phone up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Do you miss me that much?" Paul teased, bringing a smile to my face. "Sweetheart, why are you still awake?"

"I always miss you, handsome," I said, hearing his chuckle crackle through the phone. "I wanted to make sure you made it home safe."

"Fuck, babe," I could see him rubbing the back of his neck. "You're making me feel cheesy." I bit my lip to keep myself from grinning wide.

"Feels nice, doesn't it," I commented, envisioning him with a grin on his face and slightly pink cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to feel him. Even when he teased me and brought warmth, it was a feeling I never wanted to end.

"Yeah," He sounded breathless. "I always miss you too, beautiful." His voice was so deep, I felt chills throughout my body. I closed my eyes, letting the smile come to my face. "Laryssa, I will always come back to you. I know it's easier said than done, sweetheart, but I don't want you to worry."

I wanted to deny the worry, yet the words that came out of my mouth were, "How did you know?" I wrapped my arm around my stomach.

"I know you, my heart." My breath left me when I heard his words. I sniffed, holding myself tighter. "How can I help?"

"You already did," I murmured, stroking my side. I heard Paul stifling a yawn. "I know you're tired, babe. Get lots of rest and make sure you drink some water." I knew he was lying down already by his breaths.

"Will do, sweetheart. I'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest. Don't let Kim kick you around," He murmured, his voice taking on a deep tone. I could tell he was on the verge of falling asleep.

"See you tomorrow." I snorted, chuckling quietly. I hung up, taking a few moments to regulate myself. I moved to sit on the tile as I let the events of yesterday evening wash over me. I was alone to let myself grieve the five-year friendship. The anger had been a front, and I was finally allowing myself to feel the hurt. I pulled my knees to my chest, letting the tears fall. Alex's words replayed in my mind, and it wasn't how I wanted it to happen. I wanted to talk with him, but I wasn't ready. I knew just as he hurt me, I hurt him too.

Hurt people hurt people. I could hear my mom's dry voice. I remembered when they fought, and I had found her sitting on the porch waiting for dad to come home. She looked down the road, her hair blowing with the slight breeze and tears leaking down her face. I hurt him, and he hurt me, and the circle goes around and around. Be better than us, Marie.

I sniffed, wiping down my face. I knew it was gonna hurt for a while, and I needed to come to terms with it. But at least I wasn't alone. I took a few deep breaths before I got up. I washed my face before heading back to my room. I smirked seeing Kim starfished in the middle of the bed. I sat at the edge of the bed, putting my phone on the charger before pushing her over. She swatted my hand, rolling over and curling into herself. I laid down, staring up at the stars, pulling the blanket up to my chin. I couldn't seem to turn my mind off. I turned on my side, grabbing one of the throw pillows holding it to my chest. I let my mind drift to Paul. I hoped he drank some water before going to bed, so he didn't get cramps. I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to come to me.