A/N:
This chapter is basically a training montage for Alice, who will be narrating most of this chapter. The game's main storyline will kick in soon, and she has a lot of ageing to do before that.
Elerína stayed true to her word. The first thing she did was teach Alice the language of the elves – she'd tell her the elvish words for things she already knew and taught her short phrases, and whenever she explained something, she did it using both languages. She also encouraged Aodhan to speak Elvish with her, too – it was more fun to learn that way.
Apart from that, Alice learned everything about the habits and customs of the elves. The elves made their living by hunting for game or collecting wild fruit, roots and nuts from the forest. Some hunters were specialised on fishing. The elves who didn't venture into the forest tended to fields, took care of children and housework or worked as craftsmen or merchants. Tasks were assigned according to interest and ability, no one got preferential treatment or was excluded from certain professions as long as they were able to perform all the tasks needed.
Travelling merchants needed permission from the Tethe'allan king (or Elerína's) in order to enter the village. They traded goods the elves couldn't make themselves in exchange for unique weapons or healing herbs. Elerína permitted humans to stay only for a short time. Even though she never showed any dislike or hatred when talking to Alice, those feelings were still deeply rooted within her and she would often speak condescendingly about the human race.
"Do you realise how much that hurts me?", Alice asked one day.
"I'm sorry, sister. Nevertheless, 2.000 years of hatred are not easy to forget... I guess it will still take some time."
Rína eventually began to teach her the basics of magic. Alice soon showed a special affinity for light magic and learned how to use the level one spells of 7 elements, the only element she couldn't learn how to use was darkness. Eventually, Elerína gave up, saying she just wouldn't be able to master it.
When Alice was six years old, Elerína sent her to Sybak to attend the Imperial Research Academy, where she met other humans for the first time in years (the merchants didn't count). Her fellow students thought it very strange that she lived in the city of elves that was ruled by a half-elf known to dislike humans. At first, the citizens of Sybak reacted uneasy and nervous whenever Elerína brought Alice or picked her up after school, but no one dared to voice a complaint. Rína had earned herself a large amount of respect over the centuries. During the day, Alice would learn how to read and write in the tongue of the humans, and after school, Rína taught her the same in the tongue of the elves. Other subjects included history, religion and geography.
One day, shortly after Alice's 8th birthday, Rína called her into the living room.
"Alice, what did you learn about the Kharlan War?"
"There was a great war that almost destroyed the world. It was ended by the Hero Mithos and his companions. He then formed a pact with the Goddess Martel and after that, there was finally peace."
"That's what the teachers told you? Well then, let me tell you what really went down. Sit."
Alice took the chair next to the fireplace and Elerína began.
"Mithos Yggdrassil, who is mostly known as 'the hero', had three companions: his older sister Martel and their friends Yuan Ka-Fai and Kratos Aurion."
"Dad was friends with Mithos the hero? That's awesome!"
Elerína smiled, though it seemed rather forced. "Since they had been banished from their hometown and cast out by their parents, Martel and Mithos had been on their own for a long time, and grew very attached to Kratos. The friendship between Yuan and Martel grew deeper, they fell in love with each other and eventually got engaged.
"During the Kharlan War, humans, elves and half-elves fought each other, which made Martel very sad. The four friends managed to end the war and brought peace. But then, something terrible happened: Martel was killed by humans."
"Oh no!"
Alice clasped her hands in front of her face.
"The murderers were slain on the spot by the others, but they could do nothing to save Martel. Grieving over the loss of their sister, friend and lover, they swore to take revenge. Around the same time, the Giant Kharlan Tree, which the elves had planted when they had left their home on Derris-Kharlan and arrived on this land, withered and died, causing a mana shortage, for this tree had been the source of all mana. Do you know what mana is?"
"Yes. Mana is the source of all life and magic. Without it, there's no life and no magic. And if a body loses too much mana, it dies."
"Correct. Soon, there wasn't enough mana to sustain the world any more, as the contraptions created by magi-technology consumed immense amounts of mana. Kratos went to Heimdall and stole one of the best-guarded secrets of the elves. Then, he went into the Torent Forest and formed a pact with Origin, the King of Summon Spirits.
"What? No way. Dad would never do something like that."
"But he did, Alice. There's no denying it. Under Kratos' orders, Origin forged the Eternal Sword for Mithos, a weapon that can control space and time. Mithos used it to transfer Martel's soul into the Great Seed – which was all that was left of the Giant Tree. He then split Sylvarant and Tethe'alla and linked both to the Great Seed. He, Kratos and Yuan became three of the Four Seraphim of Cruxis, the deceased Martel was the fourth. Mithos slowly but surely took control over the angels – who had been his 'invention' – as well as humans, elves and all other half-elves. As time passed, only the elves were able to preserve the true history. Yggdrassil founded the Church of Martel and had the people worship his sister as a goddess. After that, he invented the system of World Regeneration. Since most of the mana from Derris Kharlan and the Great Seed was used to preserve Martel's soul, he invented what I call the 'Hour-glass System'. One world steals the other's mana. Right now, Tethe'alla is flourishing while Sylvarant is slowly withering away because Sylvarant's mana is flowing to Tethe'alla. World Regeneration would change the flow of mana – Sylvarant would flourish and Tethe'alla decline. The Desians are just another invention of that madman – as is the idea to use humans as host bodies for Exsphere production. And Kratos and Yuan did all in their power to support him – even though Yuan came to realise that this wasn't his brightest idea and now, he's trying to stop Yggdrassil."
Alice said nothing for a while as she tried to grasp what she had just learned.
"Then this means there is no goddess?"
"No. Maybe there was one, once, but no one remembers her. Martel was no goddess, but a half-elf and an angel."
"But the priests always say Martel is just asleep."
"The priests have no idea what's really going on. Only the elves and the Renegades know. But wait, it gets better: Yggdrassil long searched for a way to revive Martel. Kratos' healing powers weren't strong enough and the others didn't possess any. Yggdrassil now faced the problem that Martel's soul was still whole but lacked a body. That was another reason for inventing World Regeneration. The Desians currently terrorize the people of Sylvarant, while Cruxis controls the marriages in the family of the Chosen. Their goal is to breed a girl whose mana signature is as close to Martel's as possible, so she can accept her soul. For that girl – the Chosen – this would mean death."
Alice was silent for a while as she mulled this over. On one hand, she could emphasise, having a brother herself, but it still seemed wrong to sacrifice another life to get back a loved one – where would it leave them, if everyone did this? And what about the people being sacrificed? They had lives too – and loved ones who would miss them!
"Yggdrassil would sacrifice an innocent girl just to get his sister back? Who does he think he is?!"
"I already mentioned a couple of times that he's mad. Yuan is trying to prevent Martel's resurrection by having the chosen assassinated."
"What?!"
"Yuan is very opportunistic, he'll do anything to achieve his goal – for the greater good, as he would say. This is why I don't co-operate with him. I have my principles."
"And Kratos supports Yggdrassil?"
"I don't really know where he stands right now. According to Yuan, there were major disagreements between him and Yggdrassil, but who knows what it's like today... Yuan says he talks even less now than he did before. Supposedly he only still lives for Cruxis because Yggdrassil needs him alive."
"What do you mean?"
"The key to Yggdrassil's power is the Eternal Sword, which is bound to him through Kratos' pact with Origin. As long as this seal isn't broken, no one except Yggdrassil can wield that blade."
"Not even Kratos?"
Rína shook her head. "Not even him. It was created for a half-elf and Kratos is human. But what is most annoying about Kratos' pact is the fact that it is based on his life. Only his death would break the seal, for he is the seal himself. You can probably imagine that Yuan tried to kill him countless times... Without success so far."
"This – is a bit much. I need some time to think..."
Alice left the house and sat down on one of the riverbanks. There, she tried to understand the meaning of everything she had just learned.
Finally, Alice came to the conclusion that her father had helped to develop something that had brought suffering and death to countless innocent people – her own mother among them.
Maybe he meant well, but he must've realised that what he was doing was wrong! Using humans as host bodies... that's cruel! And unnecessary! What do they need so many Exspheres for, anyway? How could he agree with something like that? He's not the same person I admired as a child...
But he is still my father. I miss him – I miss him so much it almost tears my heart apart.
Alice couldn't deal with the conflicting emotions within her. She first became melancholic, then depressive. Elerína gave her a medicine against depressions, but Alice recovered only slowly. She guessed that she would never be rid of that pain again.
At the age of nine, Alice changed to the Research Academy in Meltokio. It was farther away than Sybak, so she flew there using her Rheaird. She always landed outside the city walls and made sure no one saw her.
This school specialised in researching Summon Spirits and the art of summoning was taught to the students – provided they had enough elven blood.
The humans of Tethe'alla despise half-elves, but only those with elven blood can become truly powerful.
Tethe'alla had a strict caste system. The nobles – all of them human – were part of the highest caste, while half-elves were just scum – something that had always angered Elerína. During the course of her life, she had tried to make some of the kings change the system, but all of them had refused. It was good the way it was now – everyone was content. Except for the half-elves. But who gave a damn about them?
Alice soon came to despise Tethe'allan nobility – and developed a very strong dislike for the Chosen, Zelos Wilder, whose acquaintance she had the misfortune of making.
As Alice grew older, Elerína started to teach her swordplay as well. From the elves she learned how to lay traps, hunt with the bow and how to disembowel and conserve her prey.
"It's only one week until your final exam. I'd better start checking whether you're ready."
Alice grinned at the challenge. "Then what are you waiting for, sister?"
"Right. Name all Summon Spirits, their counterparts (if they have one) and the location of their seal."
"Origin, King of Summon Spirits. His seal lies within the Torent Forest. Maxwell, ruler of matter. Resides in the floating city of Exire, where only half-elves live. Efreet, Summon Spirit of fire, can be found in the Triet Desert. His counterpart is Celsius, Summon Spirit of ice, who lives in Flanoir. Sylph, Summon Spirits of wind, comprising Sephie, Yutis and Fairess, Balacruf Mausoleum. Their opposite is Gnome, Summon Spirit of earth. His temple lies to the north-west of Meltokio. Shadow, Summon Spirit of darkness, resides to the south-west of Meltokio. His counterparts are Aska and Luna, Summon Spirits of light, Tower of Mana to the north of Luin. Last but not least, Undine, Summon Spirit of water, Thoda Geyser to the north-east of Palmacosta, her counterpart is Volt, Summon Spirit of lightning, who lives on an island north of Mizuho. That's it."
"Very good! You know all this by heart. I'm impressed."
Alice smiled.
Elerína quizzed her on some of the other subjects, as well, just to see if Alice was keeping up with her studies, before nodding, seemingly satisfied.
"You're only twelve years old and have learned everything Tethe'alla offers to teach. I've been thinking about sending you to the academy in Palmacosta, perhaps there, you'll learn something new."
"Does that mean I'll return to Sylvarant?", Alice asked enthusiastically.
"Yes, but not for long. Four or five years at maximum."
"All right! When can I leave?"
"As soon as you have graduated. But – if you return to Sylvarant, you'll inevitably run into Desians... You mustn't tell anyone who you really are, since you're officially dead. Besides, it might get you into trouble..."
"Why?"
"All sorts of reasons. People who don't like Kratos could try to use you to hurt him. People who want something from him might try to use you as a hostage. From what I've heard, there's been bad blood between Kratos and the Desians ever since your mother died. Don't give them a reason to hurt you."
Alice nodded her understanding.
"Another thing: You'll need an Exsphere or a Cruxis Crystal. Otherwise you wouldn't be strong enough to take on the Desians should you ever have to."
"An Exsphere?! No way! I don't want anyone to be killed for my sake!"
"Nobody said anything like that. Yuan's people always steal Exspheres from the Desians, they only use those already existing, they don't produce them themselves. That is a big difference. Besides, if you ever intend to take on Kvar – not that I'd recommend you doing that – you'll definitely need one. Otherwise, you'll be no match for his power."
Alice mulled this over. The thought didn't sit well with her – she didn't want to abuse a human life like that. However, Rína did have a point – if all the Desians used Exspheres, then Alice would be disadvantaged, no matter how skilled she was. The strongest spells were useless if they couldn't hit their mark.
"Fine", Alice said reluctantly. "I want a Cruxis Crystal. The more power, the better"
"No problem. We'll go see Yuan tomorrow."
Within a matter of hours, Yuan had gotten his hands on a Cruxis Crystal, and Botta provided Alice with a Key Crest that allowed her to wear the crystal like a necklace, hidden underneath her clothes. Rína wore hers the same way. It was a very strange feeling when the crystal connected itself with her body.
Even though Rína had told her everything about angelic powers, it still came as a kind of shock to Alice that she was now able to hear and see everything. She also noticed that she had become much stronger.
Back in Heimdall, Elerína taught her how to use divine magic and her wings in battle. They wanted to use the remaining week for intensive practice.
Alice passed her exam with good marks in most subjects, and in the evening, the sisters celebrated. But when Alice wanted to change into her nightgown, she noticed something disturbing.
"Elerína? Rína!"
Her sister came running into the room.
"What's wrong?", she demanded.
"Look at this! What is it?!"
Worried, Alice extended her right arm. It was covered in tiny blue crystals.
"Damn! How long ago did that start?"
"Dunno. I just noticed."
"Well, I don't know what it is. Get dressed, we'll go see Yuan."
It didn't take Yuan long to diagnose Alice.
"She got the Chronic Angelus Crystallus Inofficium, a very rare illness – it's the same illness Martel had. It is an allergic reaction caused by the body when it rejects the crystal. This results in those crystals spreading all over the body. If left untreated, Alice will die."
Rína gasped. "What do we do?"
"Thankfully, there is a reliable cure: a Rune Crest. It is not, like any other Key Crest, made solely of inhibitor ore – you need Mana Leaf Herb, Zircon and a Fragment of Mana. I'll go get the Fragment of Mana, Elerína, you get the herb. But the Zircon could be trouble some... I don't know where to get it, but I'll look into it right away. Botta, you'll take care of Alice. She mustn't show any kind of strong emotions, for that would hasten the growth."
Yuan turned on his heel and strode out of the room. Elerína placed a hand on Alice's shoulder.
"Don't worry, I'll be back soon."
Botta took Alice to the medical ward and led her into a small room. Alice sat down on the bed, trying her hardest to stop her body from shaking.
"I don't want to die", she whispered.
Botta gave her a sympathetic look. "Lady Elerína and Lord Yuan will be back soon. And we'll find that Zircon too."
"I'm still scared."
"Do you want some painkillers?"
"It doesn't hurt. It's just – I can watch those crystals growing! It's creepy."
Alice shuddered.
"Do you want me to stay?", Botta asked.
"Please do."
Botta went to fetch himself a chair, then, he sat down and watched her closely.
Alice knew that the Renegades were made up of Desian deserters, and, being a military organisation, they knew little of childrearing. Still, she greatly appreciated that Botta tried his hardest to keep her mind off her dark thoughts. After a while, they found some common interests they could discuss, though Botta tried very hard to keep her from getting too excited. Alice made a point of telling him how much she appreciated this, which greatly surprised him at first. Then, he gave her a wan smile.
"You truly are one of a kind, Alice Aurion."
As time passed, the crystals slowly spread all over her right hand and up her arm. She could no longer move her fingers, no matter how hard she tried.
Botta tried his best to distract her. Alice's greatest enemy was fear. Though she had been to the Land of the Dead many times, it had only been for visits. And she most certainly didn't want to become a permanent resident so soon.
Elerína returned and relieved Botta of his post. Yuan, however, returned only after having been gone for four hours, ranting about incompetent Cruxis angels, who had delayed him, and Kratos, whom he had met in the storage room where they kept the Fragments of Mana. Kratos, of course, had wanted to know what Yuan needed it for, and Yuan had had to think of a good excuse.
He then proceeded to drag Rína out of the room and started venting outside. Botta immediately struck up another conversation with Alice, trying to distract her from the loud, angry voices.
The only thing left was the Zircon. The other ingredients had been prepared and sent to the dwarves working for the Renegades. Like all of his other men, Yuan had talked them into leaving Cruxis and joining him. The dwarves were in charge of making and repairing Key Crests for the Renegades. Dawn had already come when one of the Renegades returned, bringing the Zircon. By now, Alice's entire right arm had turned to crystal.
Within a quarter of an hour, the dwarves had finished their job and Elerína switched the Key Crests.
"The crystals are still here!", Rína exclaimed.
Yuan rolled his eyes. "What did you expect, that they would simply dissolve into thin air? The Rune Crest prevents the crystals from spreading, but her body has to do the healing. I can't say how long that will take."
Exhaustion and relief washed over Alice and finally, she could sleep.
When she woke again the following afternoon, she noticed that the crystals had disappeared. Alice made her way to Yuan's office to thank him. Yuan was surprised to see how quickly she had recovered and sent her to see Elerína. Her sister was very relieved she'd recovered so quickly, and they departed for home.
"Alice, I want you to take this with you when you go to Sylvarant", she said, handing her a silver dagger. "It's not really good for fighting, but enough to hurt enemies close by, this'll give you the time to prepare a spell."
Alice nodded. "Thanks. I'll keep it in mind."
"Good. I'll visit from time to time or send one of the elves."
Alice made good use of her time in Sylvarant, even though she couldn't acquire much fresh knowledge apart from history. She did, however, learn a lot about how the people of Sylvarant lived. Having grown up with an abundance of mana at her disposal for most of her life, Alice was shocked to find just how little mana there was available here. And, well, then there were the Desians. Palmacosta was relatively peaceful, but Alice kept hearing stories of Desian raids on Luin, Asgard and Triet. Desian patrols would also waylay travellers and drag them off to the Human Ranches. Alice had successfully avoided any trouble with them so far – she was confident in her abilities, but she was determined not to attract too much attention. She already managed to stand out simply by being herself.
During school vacations, she travelled the land, sometimes using magic or her wings to speed up the process whenever there were no other people in sight. She enjoyed seeing all the sights Asgard had to offer, but was soon spurred on by her desire to see Luin again – the only place she had been able to call "home" as a child, albeit only for a few days at a time.
The people of Luin didn't recognize her. This wasn't much of a surprise, really, as she had been three years old the last time she'd been there, and her family had never stayed for long. If she looked more like her mother, things might have been different, but Kratos hadn't been from Luin – he had been born in Ozette. Over 4.000 years ago.
Without conscious thought, she followed the familiar streets until she found herself in front of her grandfather's house. Alice sucked in a startled breath. It looked exactly like she remembered it, almost untouched by time.
A strong feeling of yearning, nostalgia and loneliness hit her out of nowhere. Alice had become better at dealing with grief over the years – the fact that she could see her mother whenever she wanted and had gotten to know her departed grandparents had helped – but now, she remembered how things had been, and realised they would never be the same.
Part of her wanted to go in, see if he was home, and attempt to connect to that part of her past. But what was she to say? How could she even begin to explain things to him? She had no idea if he even knew what had happened, or how much he'd heard. As a child, she had craved that knowledge, and it had almost destroyed her. Granted, her grandfather was much older at the moment than she had been when she had lost her family, but Alice still wondered if it would be right for her to burden him with all that.
Surely, he would be glad to see her again, but that would inevitably lead to questions – questions Alice might not be able or willing to answer. And, in the event that she did tell him everything, it might actually put him in danger – there was a reason why Cruxis had re-written history. If someone suspected that her grandfather knew too much, he would be killed, half-elf or not.
Alice swayed on the spot, torn between feelings and logic. Finally, with a heavy sigh, she tore herself away and disappeared down the street.
I'm sorry, grandfather...
Aodhan awoke with a start and felt like his entire world had just shifted. With a groan, he covered his face with a hand, falling back into his pillow.
Well, damn. How long has this been going on? I didn't even notice until just now!
People often described falling in love as the most wonderful thing in the world. People, Aodhan decided, were idiots. There was nothing wonderful about this – he just felt plain awful. This was wrong, on so many levels.
However, no matter how hard he tried, his agitated mind wouldn't let him go back to sleep. Eventually, he gave up and padded down into the kitchen to find something to do. Outside, the sky was already brightening, so the rest of his family would probably wake up soon. Aodhan desperately needed to talk to his mother.
With a slight frown, he tried to recall the events of the last couple of days in an attempt to pinpoint when exactly the change had occurred. Alice had decided, rather spontaneously, to spend a couple of weeks in Heimdall before school started again and had spent a lot of time catching up with Rína, Ayleen and Aodhan. He had been practically glued to her lips, eager to find out what Sylvarant was like. When Alice had first come to live with them, she had been unable to tell them much, given how she had spent most of her life on the run from the Desians.
She had mentioned having been to Luin, where her grandfather lived, and that she hadn't been able to work up the courage to go and see him. Aodhan had felt for her, but Elerína had praised her level-headed decision.
Alice had spent the last three years mostly in Sylvarant, engrossed in her studies. Since travelling to and fro between the worlds on a daily basis and using a Rheaird in Sylvarant was deemed as too risky, she had spent the majority of those years on the other side. In the rare cases she had been back home, Aodhan – who was now one of the hunters – had sometimes been away himself and so, months had passed in which they hadn't seen each other.
Naturally, he'd seized the opportunity to reconnect with her and tell her about his recent achievements. Alice had been impressed by his archery skills, admitting that she was a lot less skilled at archery than with magic or the sword. With a shrug, Aodhan had explained that no one was expected to be good at everything.
She had changed a lot in those last couple of years, Aodhan had noticed. Not that this was new – Alice had grown at a rapid pace, outgrowing all the children her size within a matter of years. However, their irregular meetings had changed his perception of this – back when she had been studying in Meltokio and Sybak, she had always come home in the afternoon. Aodhan had still been able to compare her growth to that of the other children, but it had been gradual. Now, it was almost jarring.
With a groan, he hid his face in his hands. Part of him wished that they'd missed each other again so that he wouldn't be in this dilemma right now.
"Aodhan? Why are you up so early?"
He looked up in surprise to find his mother standing in the door.
"I couldn't sleep. Can I talk to you?"
"Of course. What's wrong?", she asked, sitting down at the table and motioning for Aodhan to join her.
"I think – I think I've fallen in love. With Alice", he replied, sounding utterly defeated.
"Why do you think that?"
"I had a dream about her. We kissed. It was nice, and I hate myself for feeling that way. And you know what's even worse? I would like to find out if kissing her would be as amazing as it was in my dream. Though I have a suspicion it might even be better. Wait – what am I saying?! Ugh! I'm the worst."
"You don't seem too enthusiastic about this whole thing", Ayleen observed dryly.
"It's awful! This can't be happening."
"I thought you liked her – you've been glued to her side ever since she came here. Is this because she's human, or because of Kratos? Has your father gotten to you? I always thought you didn't care about these things."
"I don't! But – I've always thought of her as a younger sister, and now, suddenly, my entire world has shifted. I mean, she's, what 15? She should still be a child at that age! I feel like a bloody cradle robber. Not to mention that falling in love with someone you've always considered a sister is just plain weird. I – I don't know what to do."
"Hm... Her age is a bit of a problem, especially since we don't know how exactly it translates to maturity. However – I'd assume, based on my observations, that she must be around 45 in mental terms – give or take a few years. And she's always been very mature. It might be a good idea to talk to Elerína about this – she should be able to give you a better estimate than I. This is just a guess, really."
"So that means she would be around the age I was when we first met", Aodhan said slowly. "This is so weird."
"Humans grow up fast, probably to compensate for their short lifespans. In a few years' time, she'll have caught up to you."
"And then, she'll overtake me, grow old and die. Great."
"You forget that she is an angel now. She could stop ageing at any time she wanted to."
"That – is very much true."
"So, what do you want to do now? Will you tell her? I would advise against starting a relationship – regardless of the circumstances – at this point, though, since she is bound to leave again soon."
"I don't know if it's a good idea for me to tell her. I don't want to come across as a creep, and things might get awkward between us even if she doesn't think that I'm weird. Argh, why does this have to be so complicated? I don't think I know what to do."
"Take your time", his mother advised. "It's usually not a good idea to rush these things."
"Thanks for your advice. I think I'll try and get my feeling sorted first before I make a decision."
The same day, Aodhan volunteered to go on a hunting trip. He spent almost a week in the forest and returned only the day before Alice was supposed to depart. One of his sisters informed him almost immediately that Alice had been looking for him and had been dismayed when she'd learned that he'd left so suddenly. Aodhan grimaced. She'd probably already come up with a stupid explanation as to why he wouldn't want to spend time with her – Aodhan assumed that she had realised that he was trying to avoid her.
This didn't really make him feel any better about this mess, though, and Aodhan went to bed in a foul mood.
The next morning, Aodhan left to find Alice. He had to see her before she left, make sure she knew that she hadn't been at fault for his behaviour. Besides, the thought of just letting her leave without seeing her off – not knowing when she would be back – didn't sit well with him.
However, Alice wasn't home – Rína informed him with a rather suspicious look that she had gone into the Torent Forest. Aodhan thanked her while cursing internally.
Alice had a habit of visiting Origin's Seal – he wasn't sure if being around the Summon Spirit bound to her father gave her some form of comfort, but it had become a safe-haven for her nonetheless.
Aodhan saddled his horse, Chestnut, and took off through the forest as fast as the terrain (and monsters) would allow. When he finally reached the clearing, Alice was expecting him – she had, no doubt, heard Chestnut's approach.
"Aodhan", she said, clearly surprised. "How did you know where I was?"
"I went to your house earlier. I came back yesterday, and I had wanted to see you before you left", he replied, dismounting and leaving Chestnut to his own devices.
"Is that so."
"I – look, Alice, I know how this must seem", he said nervously, running a hand through his hair. "I'll admit I've been avoiding you, but that wasn't your fault. It was mine."
Alice frowned. "I don't understand."
"I – I don't know how to put this. I'm sorry. I'd been going over the things I'd wanted to say so many times, and yet – stars above, I'm so bad at this."
Alice moved in closer, a worried look on her face.
"Did something happen?"
"Well, yes. Sort of. It's not anything that either of us did or said, mind you. It's – me, mostly. And I didn't even ask for this. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
"You are apologising an awful lot for someone who supposedly did nothing", she replied with a smile, though he could tell that she was only trying to mask her worry.
Stars, what did I do to deserve her? I don't deserve her.
Alice was scanning his face intently, her head cocked to the side – a habit she'd had ever since she'd been little, he recalled with a smile. Then, with a start, he realised that she was currently analysing his emotions, and he tried to clamp down on them, hide them from her. Part of him realised this would most likely be futile, but he tried anyway. He had only wanted to see her. He had not planned on making a grand declaration of love and ask for her hand in marriage, or anything like that. She was still far too young, for crying out loud, and about to leave for Sylvarant again. They wouldn't see each other in quite a while.
Alice's eyes widened and she let out a small gasp while taking half a step back. Aodhan squeezed his eyes shut.
For a few moments, all was silent. Aodhan desperately wanted to look at her, to see what she was thinking, but he stayed as he was, tense, unmoving. He expected Alice to blow up in his face for being the pervert that he was. It would be no less than he deserved.
"Aodhan, was that – are you – please, at least look at me!"
He opened his eyes to find a very confused Alice before him. Aodhan let out a sigh.
"I've only realised it a short time ago – which is why I left so suddenly. I had to come to terms with this before I could face you again – listen, I didn't mean to – I wasn't going to tell you. I knew there was a risk that you would notice, but I couldn't let you leave without saying good-bye, at least."
Alice bit her lip. "This is very sudden", she admitted. "It's not what I had expected. I thought that, maybe, you'd finally grown tired of having me around."
"No! Not at all."
"Yes, I see that now. Um – do you want an answer to the question you didn't ask?"
"No. Not now. You're about to leave, and I just sprung this on you – it wouldn't be fair if I put you on the spot like that. Please, don't let this bother you. If it helps, pretend that it never happened. The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured."
"I see. You're a kind person, Aodhan, you always have been. I appreciate your honesty. And your sentiments. I'll – use my time in Sylvarant to think about this. And – please don't think that I hate you or anything. I don't. I'm – just a little confused right now."
"That's perfectly understandable", he replied instantly. "I would be confused, too. Um. Well then, I wish you a good time. Stay away from the Desians and stuff. I'll – I'll see you when you get back."
"Thank you. I'll be sure to take care."
Aodhan smiled at her before turning around to collect Chestnut, who was grazing nearby. He forced himself not to look back as he disappeared into the forest.
As soon as Aodhan was gone from her view, Alice's carefully constructed facade crumpled. She staggered and had to consciously remind herself how legs worked.
Being an empath, Alice usually had a good idea of what the people around her felt – and by extension – thought. Despite that, she had not seen any of this coming, and she couldn't quite understand why.
Aodhan had always been fond of her. Somehow, he had found his way into her house on her first night in Heimdall and had decided to become her older brother. Alice still wasn't entirely sure how that had happened, but she had always been very grateful for his guidance and patience. She had played with the other children in the village, of course, but Aodhan had been a permanent fixture in her life – despite his father's immense dislike of Alice. Whenever she hadn't been busy with her studies, Aodhan had made sure she spent some time doing things she enjoyed.
And he had taught her to play games. Alice's early years hadn't exactly allowed time for that – sure, they had done some fun things together, but most of the time, they had been busy running from Desians or hiding in remote locations. Aodhan – and his mother – had taught Alice so much, and she was certain that, without their help, Elerína would have had a hard time raising her.
Alice had had a massive crush on him as a child. To her, Aodhan had seemed very knowledgeable about the world. He had always seemed so amazing and smart and talented – well, he still was. Based on observations, she had figured out that it was rather rare for adolescents to spend time with young children, unless they were siblings, so the fact that Aodhan had been willing to put up with her and her constant questions seemed like a minor miracle in retrospective.
However, nothing had ever indicated that he saw her as anything other than a younger sister. He hadn't treated her differently from his younger siblings, either, and she had never sensed anything that would hint at the fact that he might feel a different kind of love towards her.
So, how exactly had that happened? Had his feelings changed suddenly, or was it rather that he come to a realisation regarding his feelings, which had then resulted in him seeing everything in a new light? Alice knew that emotions and thoughts had a habit of influencing each other. This might explain why she hadn't been able to pick up on this the last time they'd hung out.
Aodhan was in love with her. The mere thought still seemed sort of ridiculous – Alice had an inkling that she may or may not have developed feelings for Aodhan at age 13 or something. Those feelings had confused her a lot at first; it had taken her a while to come to terms with them. She had even gone to one of her teachers for advice, since neither Rína nor Ayleen had been around. The outcome of that talk had been that yes, Alice had, indeed, fallen in love with her older brother. Not that she had mentioned that particular detail.
She had spent the last couple of years trying to come to terms with the fact that Aodhan would never return her feelings. And then there were a lot of other things to consider, like the fact that they were residing in different worlds at the time, that he was much older than her and that his father hated her.
Alice had almost been relieved that she and Aodhan hadn't seen each other much during the last couple of years, it had spared her many an awkward encounter. Though she wasn't sure if the heartache had been worth it, all things considered, especially when she remembered how giddy and happy she had been when she had returned home this time to find that Aodhan was currently in the village.
Being around him had been equal parts wonderful and horrible. Alice had tried her hardest not to give herself away, to act the way she normally did, but part of her had constantly worried that he might notice her silly infatuation with him. When he had suddenly left on a hunting trip despite not being scheduled to leave again anytime soon, she had taken it as a confirmation that he had noticed, and no longer wanted anything to do with her.
Alice had been devastated, but had managed to hide it from her sister relatively well. Elerína may have noticed that something was off, but Alice was certain she hadn't known that Alice was nursing a heartbreak.
Alice had waited for days, hoping that he might come back, hoping that maybe, they would be able to salvage their friendship, but he hadn't returned. And so Alice had done her best to distract herself from her worries.
To say that she had been surprised when Aodhan had shown up unexpectedly was, therefore, an understatement. Especially considering that their encounter hadn't been a coincidence. Aodhan had actually sought her out.
So, where did that leave them? Aodhan loved Alice. Alice was fairly certain that she loved him, too. Overall, she dared consider this a slight improvement. However, this still didn't change the fact that Aodhan's father hated her and would never accept her as a member of his family. Over the years, Aodhan had made many attempts to sway his father's opinion of her, but to no avail. Alice had begged Aodhan at one point to just leave it, since she hated seeing them fight. Aodhan was lucky to have his father. She didn't want to be the reason they quarrelled – again.
And this was also the reason she strongly considered not telling Aodhan how she felt about him, especially if he wasn't going to ask. If she confessed her feelings, she would force him to choose between her and his father. She couldn't do that to him.
Letting out a gasp, Alice buried her face in her hands and wept.
A/N:
Poor Aodhan just had an existential crisis and now thinks he's the worst person in existence – he'll fit right in with Kratos. The two scenes with Aodhan and Alice were added per Caradilis' request.
Even though she is my main character, Alice doesn't have the highest number of PoVs – she's ranked in third place, close to Kratos. Most of the scenes she's in later are told by other people.
Girlfriend Commentary
"He then formed a pact with the Goddess Martel and after that there was finally peace." (lol, yeah, for about five minutes, maybe, until it all went to absolute hell)
"That's what the teachers told you? Well then, let me tell you what really went down. Sit." (sit down and buckle up kids, cause we're about to go on one hell of a ride)
"Dad was friends with Mithos the hero? That's awesome!" (lol, yes, it's absolutely mind-boggling, isn't it? Such a shame one of them is absolutely insane and the other is so depressed I'm surprised he can still form words to coherent sentences…)
The friendship between Yuan and Martel grew deeper, they fell in love with each other and eventually got engaged. (much to the everlasting chagrin of one Mithos Yggdrassil, because HOW DARE his precious sister love anyone who's not him… also, oups, I just gave myself Jamie Lannister vibes, and I am pretty sure my precious murder baby deserves better than that comparison… I am disappointed with myself…Bad Caradilis, bad, bad…)
"But then, something terrible happened: Martel was killed by humans."(and this, my fellow earth-dwellers, is why we can't have nice things…)
"And if a body loses too much mana, it dies." (this is what I would call major foreshadowing, if I had no idea where this story was going…*cough* Origin *cough*)
Mithos slowly but surely took control over the angels – who had been his 'invention' – as well as humans, elves and all other half-elves.(my brain just went "Murder Baby for President", and I am honestly so done with myself right now)
"The priests have no idea what's really going on." (and honestly, since when can you trust the clergy to tell the truth? cue me playing a video game: variation of religious institution: *exits*, me: they are the bad guys, they are the bad guys *sirens whirring in the background*, tbf, so far, I have yet to be wrong)
"Yggdrassil would sacrifice an innocent girl just to get his sister back? (I mean, if my brother was murdered, I'd sacrifice the entire universe, if that meant getting him back, so I am in no position to judge) Who does he think he is?!" (The boss… he thinks he's the boss)
"Yuan is very opportunistic, he'll do anything to achieve his goal – for the greater good, as he would say." (honestly, I like Yuan, but I really have a problem with people who do things "for the greater good", they usually are not the good guys…)
"Not even him. It was created for a half-elf and Kratos is human. But what is most annoying about Kratos' pact is the fact that it is based on his life." (yes, how utterly inconvenient for the half-elf in this room who would love nothing more than to murder the shit out of him)
But he is still my father. I miss him – I miss him so much it almost tears my heart apart.(Alice needs a hug.)
Alice soon came to despise Tethe'allan nobility – and developed a very strong dislike for the Chosen, Zelos Wilder, whose acquaintance she had the misfortune of making. (Poor Zelos, my baby does not deserve people hating on him…)
"Besides, if you ever intend to take on Kvar – not that I'd recommend you doing that (lol, A+ parenting Rina, well done…)– you'll definitely need one. Otherwise, you'll be no match for his power."
Yuan, however, returned only after having been gone for four hours, ranting about incompetent Cruxis angels, who had delayed him, and Kratos, whom he had met in the storage room where they kept the Fragments of Mana (lol, Yuan getting exasperated is the funniest thing ever). Kratos, of course, had wanted to know what Yuan needed it for and Yuan had had to think of a good excuse. (I soo wanna hear that excuse now… Like "No, Kratos, I am not retrieving this for your older daughter whom I have adopted after I nearly killed her when I was trying to murder you, because your younger daughter, whose aliveness I'm also currently hiding from you, has developed a skin condition after I gave her one of those Cruxis Crystals that went "missing" a couple days ago… Nope, that's no it AT ALL… I have a completely logical explanation that does not include any of these facts in the slightest…" Something like that?)
He then proceeded to drag Rína out of the room and started venting outside. (lol, adoptive dad and kid bonding over how horrible biological dad is… Poor Kratos, he was just being suspicious of Yuan – I mean, we all know Yuan never gave anyone any reason to doubt him, he's a model Seraph… But Kratos doesn't know that, does he?)
"The crystals are still here!", Rína exclaimed. (lol, Rina, seriously? did you expect them to just go poof?)
Yuan rolled his eyes. (Ah, Yuan, I feel you… He's like "sometimes you remind me of your father, and not in a good way… He too is dense af…)
People often described falling in love as the most wonderful thing in the world. (lol, no.) People, Aodhan decided, were idiots.(lol, AGREED!) There was nothing wonderful about this – he just felt plain awful.(awwwww, poor Aodhan, he needs a hug, though maybe not from a certain someone, it might agitate the situation, lol) This was wrong, on so many levels. (No, embrace the darkness, Aodhan… tihi)
Aodhan desperately needed to talk to his mother. (Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmm! I fell in love with my best friend, boohoooo!)
He had been practically glued to her lips,(not in that way though, not yet at least, lol) eager to find out what Sylvarant was like.
Part of him wished that they'd missed each other again so that he wouldn't be in this dilemma right now. (lol, if you had missed her again this time, odds are you would be in even deeper shit next time)
"Is this because she's human, or because of Kratos? (lol, Ayleen ships it and is confused) Has your father gotten to you?"(unspoken subtitles: Because if he has, I will kick his ass!) (lol, honestly, the shipping wars that must go on in this household. Ayleen: *looking at Aodhan and Alice* "I ship it!" Her douchebag husband: "No, eeeew, gross, not the human! Can't you ship him with something normal, like a nice elven girl?!" Ayleen: *happily munching on popcorn as she watches her otp being cute* "Nope, no can do. Alidhan for life!" Yes, I created a ship name, sue me…)
"And then, she'll overtake me, grow old and die. Great." (Well, aren't you a bundle of laughs today?)
The same day, Aodhan volunteered to go on a hunting trip. ("I don't want to make things weird between us", he says and immediately goes and makes things weird by running away and avoiding her for no discernible reason)
One of his sisters informed him almost immediately that Alice had been looking for him and had been dismayed when she'd learned that he'd left so suddenly. (hops in a circle and does sing-sang: "Aodhan is in trooooouuuuubleeeee!)
She'd probably already come up with a stupid explanation as to why he wouldn't want to spend time with her – Aodhan assumed that she had realised that he was trying to avoid her. (Then why the FUCK did you LEAVE?!)
This didn't really make him feel any better about this mess, though, and Aodhan went to bed in a foul mood. (Great, more avoiding her… We're dealing with this brilliantly, aren't we? *cough* fucking moron)
He had to see her before she left, make sure she knew that she hadn't been at fault for his behaviour. (Yeah, because the "It's not you, it's me" line always works soooooo well) Besides, the thought of just letting her leave without seeing her off – not knowing when she would be back – didn't sit well with him. (awwwwwww)
"I went to your house earlier. I came back yesterday, and I had wanted to see you before you left." "Is that so."(Oh shit… Aodhan, your girlfriend is pissed at you!)
"I'll admit I've been avoiding you, but that wasn't your fault. It was mine." (tell me he did not just actually use the "It's not you, it's me" line… I was joking! Oh Aodhan! *facepalm*)
"I'm sorry. I'd been going over the things I'd wanted to say so many times, and yet – stars above, I'm so bad at this."(yes, yes you are, but don't worry, it's very adorable)
"Did something happen?"(yeah, you could say that)
Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."(And you thought earlier was bad… Boy, is this what you called "sorting out your feelings before you talk to her"?)
"You are apologising an awful lot for someone who supposedly did nothing",(lol) she replied with a smile, though he could tell that she was only trying to mask her worry. (well, I mean, he did do something… He kissed you in his dreams, and really enjoyed it… Not sure that would ever qualify as "nothing" in any universe)
Stars, what did I do to deserve her? I don't deserve her.(urgh… getting severe Kratos and Anna vibes right now)
He had only wanted to see her. He had not planned on making a grand declaration of love (omg lol) and ask for her hand in marriage, (omg, lol, but also yesssssssss) or anything like that.
They wouldn't see each other in quite a while.(*sniff*)
He expected Alice to blow up in his face for being the pervert that he was. It would be no less than he deserved. (awww, poor baby Aodhan)
"I had to come to terms with this before I could face you again – listen, I didn't mean to – I wasn't going to tell you. (I mean, to be fair, you didn't technically tell her) I knew there was a risk that you would notice, but I couldn't let you leave without saying good-bye, at least."(awwwww)
"It's not what I had expected. I thought that, maybe, you'd finally grown tired of having me around."(aww, ouch)
"Yes, I see that now. Um – do you want an answer to the question you didn't ask?"(lol)
"The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured." (Awwwwwwwwwwwww, I want an Aodhan, can anybody let me know where I can get one?)
He forced himself not to look back as he disappeared into the forest.(awww, I'm sad now…)
She staggered and had to consciously remind herself how legs worked.(aww, lol)
She had spent the last couple of years trying to come to terms with the fact that Aodhan would never return her feelings.(awwwww, poor Alice)
Based on observations, she had figured out that it was rather rare for adolescents to spend time with young children, unless they were siblings, so the fact that Aodhan had been willing to put up with her and her constant questions seemed like a minor miracle in retrospective. (Awwww)
Aodhan was in love with her. (Yeah, and you're in love right back, honestly, this is soooo cute!)
The outcome of that talk had been that yes, Alice had, indeed, fallen in love with her older brother. Not that she had mentioned that particular detail. (lol, those two, both agonising over the same detail that isn't even an issue… Like, you two realise that you are not actually in fact related by blood, right?)
Though she wasn't sure if the heartache had been worth it, all things considered, especially considering how giddy and happy she had been when she had returned home to find that Aodhan was currently home.(awwww)
She had spent the last couple of years trying to come to terms with the fact that Aodhan would never return her feelings. (Aww… She's so cute… Like "how dare he develop feelings for me now that I've been burying mine for the past 2 years?!") And then there were a lot of other things to consider, like the fact that they were residing in different worlds at the time, that he was much older than her and that his father hated her. (Fuck that Capulet. Sir, get the fuck out of the way of my otp! Or never mind, keep standing there, as I steamroll you while paving the way for Alidhan)
Being around him had been equal parts wonderful and horrible.(omg, so cute) Alice had tried her hardest not to give herself away, to act the way she normally did, but part of her had constantly worried that he might notice her silly infatuation with him.(aww, honey, it's not silly, it's absolutely adorkable) When he had suddenly left on a hunting trip despite not being scheduled to leave again anytime soon, she had taken it as a confirmation that he had noticed, and no longer wanted anything to do with her. (*drags Aodhan back by his pointy ears* And this is why we do not ditch our girlfriend the second we figure out we have feelings for her… Now go and fucking apologise! And then do us all a favour and just kiss her already!)
Alice had been devastated but had managed to hide it from her sister relatively well. Elerína may have noticed that something was off, but Alice was certain she hadn't known that Alice was nursing a heartbreak. (aww, my poor baby Alice!)
Overall, she dared consider this a slight improvement. (lol, "slight improvement"… Someone should really talk to her about the meaning of "slight"… because this might be a "slight" understatement…) However, this still didn't change the fact that Aodhan's father hated her and would never accept her as a member of his family. (Fuck him! Well, not literally, of course… Nobody wants to do that… I mean, Ayleen, maybe, but I really can't see why…)
Aodhan was lucky to have his father. (Awwwwwww, my poor baby is missing her Daddy) She didn't want to be the reason they quarrelled – again. (lol, well, good luck with that one, looks like there's a fat chance of you avoiding this…)
She couldn't do that to him. (awww)
Letting out a gasp, Alice buried her face in her hands and wept.(aww, poor Alice! Poor Aodhan! Alice needs AAAAAAALLLLL of the hugs!)