Everyone and everything familiar belongs to Janet. Mistakes are solely mine.
"Is it a bad color?" I asked Stephanie.
I'd let myself into the seventh-floor apartment and immediately tracked Steph down. Her deciding to move in with me is so new, I can't help fearing she may bolt at any time. But far from considering running out on me, I found her sitting on the couch, wearing the tiny boxer/tank top pjs she prefers, contemplating her toes while her bare feet sat on the edge of the cushion.
She tipped her head to the side to rest it on her knee, and she looked up at me. "Nope. Julie was right. It's a great color that I really needed to try. It answers my question of what a glittery cranberry would look like."
I moved further into the room and sat close beside her. "So why do I have the feeling that you've been sitting here, staring at the nails you recently painted for longer than it took me to get back from a patrol?"
Her lips moved to form a half-smile. "Because you're paranoid and you have an insane need to fix whatever problem you think has materialized?"
"Possible, but I don't think so."
I slid my arms under and around her and lifted her onto my lap. If she needs to stare sightlessly at something, she can do it with me supporting her. I let my hand settle on her bare thigh and tried to quiet my concern by sliding my thumb back and forth across her silky skin.
"Vince told me you apprehended your skip," I prompted, hoping to prompt her into a discussion that will give me some insight into her mood.
She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I did. And this won't surprise you, but he was a total asshole too."
"Should I have been your partner instead of Brown?" I asked, knowing I was needed even without her saying so.
"Nope. I had it under control, but it got me thinking."
And then she stopped talking, just when I was feeling desperate for her to continue.
"Thinking about what?" I pushed. "Are you sorry you moved in here?"
Her head shot up and her eyes opened wide in surprise. "What? No! I love being here. I love it even more when you're here with me."
"So what had you staring at your toes when I walked in?"
"I don't know … that's actually what I was trying to figure out. I know I did good today, even Bobby agreed that my training is starting to pay off, but I don't feel like I made any kind of difference. Miltub is gonna get bonded out and go right back to selling drugs and himself to support his habit, and I'm going to have to haul him - or a hundred people just like him – back to the station. What bugs me is the rest of Trenton just keeps cranking away, completely oblivious to what we're doing on the wrong and right side of the law. I guess I'm having a major 'What's the point?' moment."
"Well, it needs to stay just a moment," I reminded her. "Just by agreeing to work for Rangeman, you've had a positive impact on the lives of every man here. Becoming their friend has renewed their commitment to being all they can be."
"Hooah! But seriously, the guys don't need me to tell them that they're amazing men. Like Lester likes to say … they know how awesome they are."
"Confidence in their abilities is not the same thing as feeling comfortable in their own skin, Babe. You help them see themselves in a different way."
"I hope so, and maybe that's what I want to expand on …"
"Explain," I ordered.
"What if Rangeman branched out a little?"
"Meaning?"
"I was thinking, what if we stick ourselves like glue to the skips we apprehend? I mean, the ones who aren't complete psychos who should rot behind bars."
"You want me to start a big brother/big sister program?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Something like it anyway. I just hate washing my hands of the people who really need someone to believe in them. We can be that for those who really want to change but don't know where or how to start."
I tightened my arms around as much of her body as I could hold onto, grateful to have someone like her loving me.
"You know taking on something like that won't be just a nine-to-five job," I pointed out.
"Yeah, I know. I see how hard you work and how much of yourself you sacrifice for the sake of others. But I've also seen how proud you are when you know you've just helped not just the Merry Men, but the 'Gonna-be Rangers' you inspire as well. I want to feel like I matter …"
"You have no idea just how much you matter, Stephanie. I wouldn't be doing what I do if I hadn't met you. And Julie may not be alive right now to give you nail polish suggestions, had you not been willing to do some sacrificing yourself."
She pressed a kiss to my neck. "Thank you for saying that, but I didn't do anything except annoy you on a daily basis after we partnered up. And anybody would've done whatever they could to save Julie. That kid really is incredible. She was meant to live, and she just gets better with every year she does."
"She feels the same about you," I told her, kissing her curls. "Unfortunately, not everyone would have offered themselves up to a psychopath to try to save her. You're special, Babe. We all see it."
"If that's actually true, then shouldn't I share it?"
That's a definite yes but no question if ever I heard one.
"I appreciate you wanting to embrace Gandhi's words by being the change you wish to see in the world, but I can't say I'll be happy handing over to someone else the time I could be spending with you."
"But you'd never force me to choose between you and my work," she stated, making me love her more by not having to question that.
"No, I wouldn't back you into a corner like that. I'd be a hypocrite if I tried to. I love you, Babe, because you think about more than just yourself. If I'm being honest, I'd be disappointed if you didn't approach me at some point with a way of doing more than we're already taking on."
She shifted in my arms and ended up straddling my lap so she could face me. "So you're with me here?"
"I've never once taken our partnership lightly," I told her. "When I agreed to be your mentor, friend, and now romantic-roommate, I was giving you access to me, my skills, and my company connections. Everything of mine will forever be at your disposal anytime you need me."