All familiar characters belong to Janet. Mistakes are solely mine. This isn't the happiest Veterans Day story, but Ranger wanted me to share it anyway. To my Research Department and everyone else who has served … THANK YOU. You deserve far more than one day honoring you.

I all but ran into the control room minutes after I'd parked in the underground garage. Bobby texting me to ask where I am is interesting, since I know there isn't anyone currently after me, but him telling me to get back to the building as fast as safety will allow had me seriously worried. Before I could question him, he started talking … and not in a way that would reassure me.

"The Boss is going to kill me for doing this, but you're the only one who has a chance of keeping him sane."

"What's wrong? Where's Ranger? And why would he kill you?"

"He won't want you involved in this …"

"Too late. Tell me what happened and what I can do for Ranger."

"A guy we know, a fellow Ranger who's a few years younger than us, just died …"

My stomach sank. "How? Did I know him?"

"You've never met him, but you may have heard Ranger talking to or texting him. His name is … was," he corrected with a flash of anger and grief crossing his usually carefree face, "Brace Haynes."

I ran through every guy I know and one name popped in my head after hearing that one. But I didn't want to ask my question because I won't be able to unknow the answer once I hear it. "Little Ashley's dad?"

"Yes."

My hand covered my mouth in reflex. My dad hasn't been more than background scenery in my life, but at least I know him. Ashley won't grow up with or even remember her Daddy, since last I heard she was only four-months-old.

"Oh no," I finally managed to say.

"Yeah. This fucking sucks."

"It does. How did he die? I don't remember hearing Ranger say that Brace was sick."

The silence that question received freaked me out all over again.

"Bobby?" I pushed. "What don't you want to tell me?"

It took a couple beats before he got his own emotions under control in order to answer me. "He died by suicide, Steph. He couldn't take the pain, the nightmares, or the memories anymore."

My ass hit his desk before I realized my legs had given out. "Oh God," I whispered, now knowing exactly why Bobby is so worried.

Ranger prides himself on being able to step in and save those in need of a protector, but not being able to prevent the loss of one of his own is going to kill him.

"Where's Ranger?" I asked again.

"He's at the house Brace recently rented."

"I need an address … now."

"I'm sorry for what you're about to see, but this is an emergency. Before he met you and you changed everything for the better, I've seen Ranger hurt and," he paused before he could pick up where he left off, "and I can't see him like that again. He may not make it himself."

"I know," I said, unfortunately agreeing with him. "Give me the address. What I'll see or feel is nothing compared to what Ranger's going through. I have to get to him. He needs me."

I got the information I'd asked for and waved off Bobby's offer to come with me. Ranger has his secrets, but one thing I know for sure is how he'll only break when I'm there to catch all the pieces and put him back together. He's really close to Tank, Bobby, and Lester, having served together for years before Rangeman was created, but in his mind … he'll always be their boss and their leader. He won't allow them to see even the hint of a crack in his armor. He's always strong for me too, but we both know how vulnerable we are when it comes to the other.

Fear for me has gotten him to say the word 'please' out loud and in front of witnesses. And him being the one constant in my life, and constantly in danger himself, had me admitting just how much I love him when I hate sharing how I feel. But today, he may be in more trouble than I can handle, though nothing will stop me from trying to reach him.

I had to talk myself down from throwing up at the sight of the emergency and police vehicles taking up every spare inch of space between the front door and the street just beyond Brace's driveway. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the first of many fights ahead of me. I knew it was a long shot, but I tried to just walk past the cops manning the scene.

"Back behind the tape, Ma'am," I was ordered.

Any other time, I'd go off on him for the 'Ma'am' label, but I have more important things on my mind.

"I'm here for Ranger Manoso," I told the officer. "I'm a close friend of his."

That made him pause. "You Stephanie?"

"Yeah. Stephanie Plum."

"Hell, do you know you're a fucking legend? Excuse the language."

"Ranger?" I reminded him, not giving a crap what anyone is saying about me.

"Oh, yeah. Sure," he stammered, clearly not wanting to piss off Ranger by keeping us apart. He lifted the crime scene tape and gestured me forward. "Do us a favor and don't touch anything. All signs point to the victim doin' himself in, but we can't rule out foul play."

I wanted to rip him a new one for the dismissive way he brushed off Brace's death, but my mind was suddenly reeling as Bobby's words came back to haunt me … that he can't see Ranger 'like that again'. Ranger has dedicated his life to protecting others, first by becoming an Army Ranger and then continuing his service by opening four branches of Rangeman, I can't imagine how he's handling losing someone to their own hand. I felt sick, knowing how responsible he's going to feel for not being able to predict and prevent this specific tragedy.

"Hey, Endo," the cop was now saying to someone walking by, "can you escort the lady inside. This is the Stephanie Plum, a special 'friend' of Manoso's."

"Sure thing," the younger officer told him. "I'd suggest keeping your eyes down and not looking at anything if you can help it."

"Trust me, this isn't my first crime scene," I assured him.

I've even been the victim in a few of them. Turns out, I really should've taken Officer Endo's advice. It's hard to see so much blood concentrated in one area. Brace is gone, but the results of what he felt tortured into doing is all over the living room. The guys don't know that this is one reason I hate owning a gun. Yeah, they can keep you safe when you're being threatened, but they can also do the exact opposite on the really bad days.

"You need a minute?" Endo asked me.

I leaned over, put my hands on my knees, and closed my eyes as I counted to ten while trying not to identify blood as the metallic scent my nose is being pummeled with.

"I'm okay," I told him a second later.

I could say that only because I recognized the size, body, and all-black uniform of the man keeping watch over the scene. I'm here to help Ranger, nothing else can matter right now. I carefully placed my feet where I felt it was safe to walk and called his name when I was only two feet away from him. I don't know how he'd respond to my usual arms around his waist greeting, so I played it safe.

"Ranger?" I said, keeping my voice low but loud enough to carry over to him.

I watched his entire body tense before he forced himself to relax it. He turned and I had to stifle a gasp at what I saw in his eyes. He looked completely wrecked, like his soul had been beaten up with a 2x4 and only partially put back inside him after the beating had ended.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, a solid thirty seconds later.

Telling him Bobby called me because he was really concerned about our Boss will be a conversation for another time.

"You need me, where else would I be? I'm so sorry …"

His eyes ran all over the room before he replied. "Not as sorry as I am. I was busy enjoying my life last night at the same time Brace decided to end his."

"Oh God," I almost whimpered, as the night I spent in Ranger's arms after enjoying all the attention his mouth, hands, and a few other parts laid on me. "If I hadn't slept over at your apartment, you wouldn't have been busy."

That did something to add more life into him, and I got a glimpse of my Ranger again. "This was not your fault, Babe," he said, finally curling his arms around me, though he's still scary-tense.

"But you think it's yours?" I had to ask. "You probably would've driven by to check on him just to use up an hour of the night if I hadn't shown up on Seven wanting you. I turn needy when somebody else needed you way more than I did."

He cupped my face with such conviction, I almost winced before he gentled his hold on me. "Hearing you say you want me, that you love me, is not something I will ever regret."

"Then why do I feel so guilty about it?"

"You're a good person," he told me, and then dropped his hands to send one fist straight through the wall behind us.

So much for not disturbing the scene. Ranger's rage, and the anger he felt at feeling helpless, just left an obvious mark.

"So are you," I told him. "You're the best."

"Yeah, well 'the best' wasn't good enough to stop this from happening. I should have known what he was thinking … how hopeless he was feeling."

"I know I joke about it all the time, but you really aren't God, Ranger."

"I'm not, but I am the only person he trusted with what he was struggling to overcome. Even his wife doesn't know what went wrong."

"I thought they were separated," I said, trying to keep his eyes on me so he'd stop staring at the blood blown all over the fucking place. My mind still won't allow me to recognize it as belonging to an adjacent-Rangeguy. "She must've had some inkling he was having trouble."

"He didn't fill her in on the details, only that it was better for her and their daughter if he moved out for a while. She didn't know he was trying to come up with reasons to stay alive for them, while also being terrified he'd do this where they'd be the ones to find him."

"Instead, you had to see this."

"I'm used to it. I've lived this scene numerous times while deployed, and I've seen worse than this in my dreams, but it's such a fucking waste of a great man. He had more potential, courage, and skill than five men combined, and I failed in getting him to see that."

"I know you, you offered him help. You always offer your guys professional help …"

"But I usually have to convince them to accept it, assure them they aren't weak or broken beyond repair to get them to go to the appointments I make for them. I misjudged where Brace was in his recovery, and now I have to pay for his fucking funeral."

I don't like the flat tone his voice has sunk into, but I'm coming up short on how to get through to him. Though I got what Ranger's saying, but not saying with words. On days like Veterans and Memorial Day, you're encouraged to thank Veterans for what they've sacrificed for us, and try for a moment to imagine and understand what they've experienced and still live through every minute of every day afterwards, but we also need to actively - and actually - help them adjust to being home before it's too late. Which to me means making it easier, faster, and less stigmatizing, for men and women returning and retiring to have unlimited access to a psychologist, or psychiatrist if medication is required, so they'll see that they're still needed and deserve a happy life despite the horrors they've endured.

In a way, I understand all too well why Brace tried to go it alone with getting better. Between my Grandpa Harry and my Dad, I grew up believing that what's 'normal' is you enlist or get drafted, go to war and live through hell, and then come home and bury everything you saw while you were away. I even thought Ranger didn't tell me things because he couldn't for my safety, but maybe not wanting to talk about what he's been through … he believes is for his.

And I learned enough from what I saw to do something similar, not wanting to call what Morelli did to me at any point in my life 'abuse', refusing to discuss almost being raped by Ramirez, or admit how terrified I'd been being chased by a maniac with a flamethrower, plus how traumatic it was getting kidnapped and tortured and having a burn scar in plain view that's a constant reminder of that night.

But not wanting to, or not being able to, talk is what took Brace away from us and I don't want to say goodbye to Ranger the same way. I can't kiss my Batman goodbye period. I actually don't want to lose me either, and I can't ask Ranger to do something I won't do myself, so I know I'm going to have a few calls to make as soon as I know Ranger is going to survive this.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed until he was looking at me. "You know I'm here for you, right?"

"Yes."

"That I love you, and need you too?"

That reply was slower in coming, but he answered the way I was hoping he would. "Yes."

"Okay good. Now I want you to know that I'll be there anytime you need to talk, or just be held, or to sit quietly with you while holding your hand or rubbing your back when you're reliving something in your mind you don't want to. I wish I knew Brace better and could've done more for him, but I'm not making the same mistake with you. If you need anything, today or the 364 days before and after it, I need you to promise that you'll talk to me. And in return, I promise you that I'm going to start opening up more and get help myself so you won't have to go through something as horrible as this with me."

"Babe, suicide is an issue everywhere, though higher in the Veteran community, but not everyone who enlists is going to go out like this."

"I know, but if even one Vet believes dying is better than being alive, after what they've given up and worked towards for our sake, that's one too many."